02x06 - La Traviata

Episode transcripts for the TV show "No Activity". Aired: 2015 - 2016.
"No Activity" revolves around two detectives on a stakeout.
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02x06 - La Traviata

Post by bunniefuu »


Stokes: He loved furniture.

He would often discuss the grain of a fine wood in great detail.

Okay, sorry to interrupt, how certain are we that this is a strong lead and we're not just completely wasting our time?

Gavin from Intelligence...

There's an oxymoron.

Gavin from Intelligence is a dickhead and he's right about 35% of the time.


But go on.

Let's look on the bright side.


He assures me that Elizabeth Doolan...

Betty. that the last-known ping from her phone...

Tinder account. has been triangulated to this location.

And you want to get your end away.

No, no. I wanna solve a case.

Yeah, you wanna solve a case in your pants.

This... Mm.

Just so we're clear.

What we're doing here is a waste of my time but maybe not yours 'cause what's going on here is more dick work than detective work.

Not more dick work than detective work.

No? How much dick work to detective work, do you think?

I... 50/50.

50 dick, 50 detective?


I'd say 90 dick, 10 detective.

I'd say 60 detective, 30... 40 dick.

I'd say 72 dick, 28 detective.

All right. Can I continue on?

Yeah, fine.

He loved furniture.

Sorry, what am I listening to?

This is... this is the eulogy for Rainer.

This is a eulogy for Rainer?

Yeah, I'm gonna speak at his funeral.


Well, because I...

You spent one shift with the guy.


I was the last person to be with him.

Has anyone actually asked you to speak?

Well... (STAMMERS) No, not exactly.

But I'm not gonna bother the family at the moment.

They're going through extreme grief.

You know, I'm just gonna give this as an offering on the day and see how we go.


Can I... Do you mind if I...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, please.

Right. Thank you.

Let's hear it.

For those of you who don't know me, my name is Detective Stokes.

Rainer was the... the best partner a cop could ever have.

Oh, f*ck off.


That looks good for me, doesn't it?


What are you getting so worked up...

You said he's the best partner you've ever had.

I've been your partner for over 10 years.

As soon as you say that, anyone who knows us is gonna go, "Oh, oh, Hendy must be a shithead."

He's d*ad.

He's the d*ad winner.

Yeah, you can't compete with the d*ad.

You don't have to speak highly of the d*ad.

You make the living look like a f*ck stick.

He died on the job, literally in my arms.

You've made me look like a dickhead.

You've put us in the same s*ab and gone, "You're the good one, you're the shit one," I'm the shit one.

These qualities that you're, like, demonstrating now, all right, these are qualities that Rainer never had.

Oh, no, he was the best partner you could ever have.

He was the best partner a cop could have.

Can I just speak at his f*cking funeral or what?



That mandolin is, uh... it's out of tune just a little.






Beautiful, isn't it? Beautiful thing.

Oh, well...

Nah, it was good. It was fine.


You didn't sound real sincere, mate.

Look, yeah...

I mean, don't say it if...


If you don't mean it, it's best not to say it, you know.

That's what I think anyway.

Jimmy: Look, I've just, uh... gotta be honest.

I'm not a massive fan of the banjo.

No, neither am I, mate. That's a mandolin.


Well, I'm not a massive fan of the mandolin.

Nah, didn't realise it was such a let-down.

You know, here I was just trying to...

Look, it's good. Every man has his passion.

And you... It's, you know... You're a fiddler.

You're a minstrel. It's your passion.

It's your craft.

It's, you know, what floats your boat.


Jimmy: Good on ya.

Look, I'm all for it. I'm all for a man pursuing his passions.

It's all right, mate. Don't worry.

I won't do it no more. I didn't realise that it'd be upsetting or...

It doesn't upset me. Don't get me wrong.

I just don't, you know...

It just kind of falls on deaf ears.

For me, you're strumming away on that thing and I'm thinking who's gonna be fullback for the next Origin match.

Or... I'm trying to remember how many different types of apples there are.

I don't...

(SIGHS) It's a pretty boring job.

Thought I might break up the monotony but, you know, don't wanna... don't wanna upset your f*cking count-the-apple cart, mate.

Nah, nah, nah. Look.


You know what your problem is?

What's that?

You've got this artistic kind of skin but you're kind of afraid to admit it.

You think everyone's w*nk*r and hoity-toity and, you know, you're wandering around, a minstrel, with your musical instruments.

You appreciate your art on your walls.

You know, I... Look, to me, they're just pictures.

To me, that's just noise. I don't get it.

No, they're just pictures to me on a f*cking wall, mate.

I'm just trying to make a bob, mate. That's all.

It's fine. Whatever floats your boat. I don't mind.

You should do what you want.

I do what you want.

But I'm not into that shit, so... I mean, I just...

Don't worry. I won't f*cking play anymore.

You play as much as you like, mate.

I just... I can't force myself to hear it.

I don't want you to.

I can't hear it.

You won't hear it.

I can't hear it.

You won't hear it. You won't.

Well, I can't.


You remember our first date?

At the opera?



And remember that guy who tried to take my handbag in the car park?


And you b*at him up.

I chased him, b*at him up.

I wanted to take him to the hospital and you just wanted to leave him in the street.

Yeah, I think I b*at him up until he was unconscious in the end.

What if I told you that... I set up that whole thing and that the scary robber was actually my old school chum Gregory Villers.

What if I told you that I knew that?

You did not know that. You didn't!

How... When? How long have you known that?

Well, you weren't really punching him, darling.

You were just sort of swinging and making those noises, like, "Ksssh! Kssh! Kssh!"

It was clearly pretty obvious nothing was happening.

Why didn't you say something at the time?

I've always been attracted to dishonest men.

I thought it was quite endearing.

Wow. I was so sure I had fooled you.

I thought... I thought I really had... had you quite impressed by that.

I was. In my own way.

It was quite a magical... magical night, wasn't it?

"La Traviata".

"La Traviata"?

Elizabeth: Mmm.

That was the opera we saw that night. "La Traviata".

No. No, no, no. It wasn't. No, it was...

It was Verdi, but it was "Rigoletto", not "La Traviata".

No, no, no. It was... I'm absolutely positive it was "La Traviata".

You can be positive, darling, but you're also wrong.

It was... it was "Rigoletto".

It was absolutely 100% "La Traviata".

No, no. 1,000% it was "Rigoletto".

We had a conversation about going to Paris because of the party scene.

Darling, that was years later.

We did.

It wasn't! It was that night.

I think I would know...

I think I would know. You know what?

I think I would know.

Which opera we saw.

I'm getting people to fake robbing people...


Bernard: Oh, darling. My memory is way better than yours.

(SHOUTS) Shut up!


Mate, do you have to yell?

Okay. Just go down and tell 'em quietly.


Woman over radio: City clear. Reports to focus west. Over.

Oh, well done. Good on you, little buddy.

All right, mate. Goodnight.

I actually really get Lachy.

Do you?

Anousha: Yeah.

Yeah, he's a great kid.

Yeah. Good kids, you know, mess around.


Totally. I was the same.


Just, like, running amok.

That's Lachy.


I used to ride my bike heaps as a kid.


Yeah. Came off it.


It was two or three days, I was out.

You know, and they said it was probably nothing.

But, like, I knew. Kind of low-level... low-level brain damage.

And, yeah, like, it just changes you.

It's like... it puts you on a different plane, you know.

Now I can just see it in other people.

Like, I just recognise it straight away.

Sorry, Lachy hasn't got brain damage.

I'm sorry you fell off your bike, but that's never happened to Lachy.


Sorry. Sorry.

I just thought something must have happened.

There was one thing.

There was a malfunction with the remote control for the garage door.

It came down on Lachy's head.

And then I was trying to, like, get it off, but it kept malfunctioning so every time I pressed the button, it's just...

Oh, and when he was eight, he tried to do, like, an inward somersault and hit the back of his head on the diving board.


Carol: But that was a long time ago, that stuff. That's...

And last Easter, we went camping and he flipped the fry pan.

He had the pancakes, but he let go of the whole thing and the pan... the fry pan came...

Anousha: Down on his... head.

On his head.

Man over radio: Car 72, now positioned in western locale.

Woman over radio: Currently nothing. Hold.

Carol over radio: Car 72, please report. Car 72.

Car 72. No activity.

Carol: Hendy.

Go ahead.

Carol: Just a heads-up, I've seen your name on some IA mail coming through Dispatch, so keep your eyes open.

No worries. Thanks for that, Carol. 72 out.

What's that about?


Internal Affairs.

No. I mean, well, yeah.

Could just be them wanting to talk to me about another cop.

Another cop?


Yeah, like who?

I dunno.


No, I don't know.

It could be something to do with the raid, maybe there's something...

The raid that happened, like, a long, long time ago?

Yeah, I don't know.

That's completely sorted out?

I don't have a crystal ball.

Wouldn't be anything to do with April, would it?


You know, up to your last shift and everything.

No. Oh, did we... Oh, yeah, oh, nah.

Yeah. I mean, nothing... It didn't get weird or anything like that?

You know, with her dad's big dick and everything?

No. Oh, God, no. No, no, no, no.

So just to be 100% clear here, nothing happened with April?


She entrapped me.


We were in the car, and I don't even know why she was here because she's not even really a detective really, and then suddenly we're making out and... and... and... she's making me admit to things and admit to feelings that I don't have, 'cause I'm not even into her at all.

I'm into Gwen. Like, I love Gwen, I'm completely committed to her.

And I love that she's an ultra-marathon runner and she's opened up a whole new world to me.

I love being her support crew and getting fruit and nut bars for her and getting bananas and finding out what she eats and...

It's an ultra marathon. She's an ultra-marathon runner.

And that's life. Life is an ultra marathon.

And I'm completely in love with her, to be honest, and I'm gonna ask her to marry me.


Yeah. Decided.


Yeah, definitely.


She's the one, man.

No. You don't have to...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, no. I don't have to.

Think about it.

I've been meaning to tell you.

Sleep on it.

I want you to be the best man.


Will you be my best man?


Let's leave that for another day.

Yes? Say yes. Come on.

You've gotta be my best man.


Yes? Okay. Okay.

Oh... I'll think about it overnight.

Maybe you should think about it too.

I'm gonna do it now.

Don't do it now. No.

No, no. Do it now.

She'll never expect it now. She'll never expect it.

And she... Will you... Will you just...

I'm asking her to marry me.


She's asleep.

Hey, baby. It's me.

I know. I'm sorry. I know, I know, it's close to alarm time.

But, um, I just wanted to call you and say that I am totally committed to you and you're the one for me.

And will you marry me?


Oh, no.

Darling, I've never even seen "Rigolette".

You have seen it. You were sitting next to me. "'Rigolette'"?

Darling, it was "La Traviata".

It's "Rigoletto".

No, darling.

I've never seen it in my life.

I have never seen "La Traviata".

"Le Traviata".

Oh, "Le Traviata".

"Le Traviata".

You're giving me... you're giving me lessons now on how to speak.

"Le Traviata". "Le Traviata".

Oh. (ROLLS R) "Le Traviata".

Lovely accent, darling.


If you want to keep arguing about this, that is fine with me.

Oh, completely.

Fine with me.

Oh, it's completely fine with me, darling. I could do this all day.

Oh. I could do this all year.

You don't know how much I love doing this.

I love that you don't know how much I love doing this.

You have no idea how much I love this.

Darling, I love that you think you love this more than I do because you will never even know how much I love this.

Really? I will never know how much you love this?

Well, you will never know how much I love you.

And I love that you will never know it because I will never, ever show it.

Oh, you'll never show it?

Darling, I have so much love for you, you've got no idea.

Darling, you have only just seen the tip of the iceberg of the love I have for you.

I have got so much love buried so deep inside.

And you will never see it.

You will never see it, and it would make you so happy.

That's the funny part about all this.

It would make you so happy, and you're never gonna see it.

If you knew the enormity of the love I have for you, you would beg me to show it.

But you won't, and even if you did, it wouldn't matter because I would never show you.

Not in a million years.

I'd rather you died not knowing how much I love you.

That is how much I love not showing you how much I actually love you.





Man 1: What's going on with that package, boss?

Man 2: That f*cking package isn't what I ordered. Not happy.

Bruce: Mate. Mate. Wake up, wake up, wake up. (TAPS JIMMY'S KNEE)


This is a bullshit deal. This don't smell right.

This is all wrong. You know me, mate. I've got a nose for it. Listen up.

Here's how it runs. That little prick downstairs.


Got his gold Amex card.

Here's the plan, right?

Let's half untie 'em, okay?


Who cares? They'll be away in a couple of days.

We'll leave 'em some bananas, some tucker, something like that to eat, right?

His gold Amex card. I've got the PIN, everything's flush.

Probably about 20 grand we can pull from that thing in a minute.

Yeah, right.

You like it?

Yeah, yeah, very good.

Is this sounding good?

Very good.

Now here's my idea.

A food truck, right?

What's a food truck?

A truck... truck with food in it.

Sounds like an art cafe on wheels.

No. No.

Not an art cafe.

I don't wanna do any more baking.

I'm sick of the croissants and the scrolls and Danishes.

You know the trouble that got us into last time.

No baking. No baking.

I don't... I don't...

Raw food.


Raw food.

What do you mean? Like carrots?

Easy shit. Like spirulina balls, you know. Nut bars, you know.

You know, chawa-chawa rolls.

Pumpkin seed things and...

Just don't have to cook it. It's easy shit. Easy shit.

We could also pick up a potential double job.

Let's say we go do a... Let's say we do a kidnapping in Brisbane.

Think about this. We're driving up the coast.

"Ooh, Port Macquarie." Boom, boom, boom, boom. Pull in.

On the beach. Lots of people on the beach. Nice summer's day.

Oh, they're all hungry. All of a sudden, pffft, truck opens up.

"Oh, like a smoothie? Like a juice? Or a little kale salad?"

"Little, you know, kale soup?

"Or, you know, a kale wasabi roll," you know?

Lot of kale.

What do you think?

Just, there's no one I'd wanna do it with other than you.

Woman over radio: Western locale holding. No sign yet.

Carol: Yep.

Well, I-I don't agree.

I don't think he would have gone near your thermos.


Okay, fine.


Have a good life.

Everything okay?

That was Beau. We're not... Um...

He's moving out.


He just thinks Lachy's done something to his thermos.

Something... He wanted me to choose between him and Lachy.

What sort of a man does that?

He just...

Anyway, so... It's done.

Sorry, Carol.


I've got you something.

I was gonna wait but...

Oh! Are they for me?



They're for Caroller.


Oh, that's awesome.

Thank you.

That's... that's very generous.

Oh, it's second-hand.


Yeah. You know Linda?


Did her back.


Neck as well.

Oh, so she's out?


So you're... you're down one?

Oh, we've got some reserves, but...

I'm happy to...

You could come to training. Yeah.


Yeah, I'll bring Lachy to training.

Oh, yeah, all right.

He'll love it.

Yeah, but can you tell Susanna, the tall blonde one, just to not look anywhere near him.

Oh, that's great. Thank you.

No worries.


Hendy: Why did you let me do that?

You know how grumpy she gets when she gets woken up.

Why didn't you remind me of all that?

She gets so angry, it was never gonna go well.

Who proposes on the phone?

No one.

No one.

Bad idea.

I'd like an apology.

Well deserved, I'd say.

From you.


It's okay.

Thank you.

I'll still be your best man when it happens.

Thanks, mate.


You know what? I think she's in there.



At g*n.

And she's tied up and you and I are the ones to go in there and bust her out.

Oh, no. You even said yourself, Gavin from Intelligence...

No. Gavin from In-telligence.

Not very... Only 30%.

Come on. I've got a hunch.

Hunches. You tell me, "Don't trust my hunches."

Don't trust your hunches. Trust my hunches.

And I've got a hunch that she's in there waiting to be rescued.

Let her wait for now.

You know what?

And I'm sick of just waiting and sitting around.

Because you know something? We need a win.

Well, we need a warrant.

That's loser talk.

That's legal.

And you know what?

Ah, Dispatch, this is car 72. We have activity and are moving in. Over.

No. No, car 72. Don't move in. Car 7...

Now that's done.

That did happen.

Okay. How do you feel about this?

I feel scared.

Yeah? You should feel scared because you should feel different.

Because now we're winners, we're no longer losers.

I don't mind being down the bottom rung.

We've been down the bottom too long.

Now it's our time to shine.

This is comfortable.

Are you to ready to shine?

If we screw this up, we are done.

Security guards at McDonald's.

Okay. But if we get it right, what's gonna happen?

Phhh. I don't know.

What's gonna happen?

We're gonna go in there, Betty is gonna look up and go, "Oh, my God. Are you Stokes from Tinder?"

We haven't even had a date.

This will be your first date.

You know what this is?


This is a legacy moment.

This is my dynasty, is it?

This is your dynasty moment.

This is where I start my own family tree.

Yeah. This is the moment.

Spread my seed and create my own army.

sh**t your seed down a whole generation.

The throats of the generation.

Come over the mountain-top like...

Like Sean Connery.

I'm Sean Connery.

Now let's do this.

Let's do it.

Are you ready?


You with me or without me?

I don't like being without you.

Okay. Good. Get your g*n.

No, hang on. Just to clarify.


It's not about Gwen, is it?

No. Not about Gwen. It's about you and me.

It's about us.

Okay, get your g*n.

All right. Yeah.

Ready, let's do it.

One, two, three.




I'm glad she said no, mate.

Yeah, I know.

You're worth more than that.

Thanks, mate. Thank you, thanks.

If I was a single girl...

You're not a single girl. Shush.

Okay. Hey, Hendy.


Hendy, just one thing.

Yeah, yeah?

You know that night we had that fondue party at your house?


Yeah? And you went to the bathroom?

Yes, yes, yes?

I think Gwen tried to hit on me.

No, she didn't.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you.

No, she would... Okay. All right. I'm not... Okay.

Can we talk about this later? We'll talk about it later.

I'm not angry, I'm not angry.

Thank you.

It's not about April, is it?

No, it's not about f*cking April.

It's about you and me, all right?

Stokes: It's about us.

Hendy: Look out for a dog, eh?

Stokes: Yeah.

Okay, ready? One, two, three.


(MOUTHS) No, no, no. Somewhere else.

I mean, if she kicks you out, mate, maybe we could shack up together?

No, no. What?

Ah, eagle.


Stokes: I'll hold your g*n.

Hendy: No, come on.


Stokes: Hold my g*n.

No. Don't point it...

Okay, wait up.


I'm down, I'm down.

Okay. Shush, shush.

I'm stuck.

(STRAINS) Oh, f*ck. Okay. Okay. Go.

(WHISPERS) Okay. You with me? You with me? You with me?

Okay. You with me?


You... Okay. You with me? Okay.

You with me?

It's clear?

Hendy: Clear.

Hendy: Okay.

There's no one here.

Hendy: It's clear.


What the...



Ready? Okay.

Argh! Argh!


Hendy: Get back here.


Sorry. Shit. Sorry.



Jesus... Christ.

That's bloody lovely, isn't it?

Is that Betty?

Yeah, that's Betty.

That's good. That's good.


It's just like... It's like cheating.

It's not cheating, mate. I think that's her husband.

Still hurts.

Well, that's modern dating.

f*cking live with it.



So... I guess we're both single.

Looks like it, yeah.

Elizabeth: Oh, darling.

Couple of bachelors.


Elizabeth: Oh! Oh, darling.



We're not gonna live together.

Oh, come on.

I'm not moving in.

Think of the money we'd save.

No, I've thought about it.

We could car pool.

Our life is a car pool.

Our life is a car pool.


When we got home, we wouldn't wake each other up.

Could you hurry up in there, please?


Trial basis.


Trial flatties.


Don't smile.


Elizabeth: Oh, darling. Darling!

I do a great eggs benny.

Elizabeth: Darling! Darling!

Bernard: Oh, yes. Yes!

Elizabeth: Darling! Darling!

Bernard: Oh, yes.

No, I'm better than that.

Bernard: Darling. Oh, darling!

♪ Moonlight silence ♪
♪ And I dropped the ball ♪
♪ I moved so slowly ♪
♪ I hardly moved at all ♪
♪ Please don't listen to the ♪
♪ Things they say about me ♪
♪ They don't know me well at all... ♪
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