04x25 - El Oso

[bunniefuu]

♪ Da, da, da-ba-da, da, da ba-da-ba-da-ba ♪

♪ Da, da, da-ba-da, da, da Let's go!

♪ ♪ We'll be there ♪

♪ A wink and a smile and a great, old time ♪

♪ Yeah, we'll be there ♪

♪ Wherever we are, there's fun to be found ♪

♪ We'll be there when you turn that corner ♪

♪ We'll jump out the bush ♪

♪ With a big bear hug and a smile ♪

♪ We'll be there ♪

[Music]

[Bird caws]

[Music]

Narrator: Now I want to tell ya about this one peculiar fella.

I don't know where he's from or, heck, what he even is.

But I do know his name is Charlie.

[Wind whistling]

[Music]

Now, he's traveled just about everywhere.

Lookin' for a friend.

[Coyote howls]

Perhaps this will be his lucky day.

[Charlie howls]

[Coyote snarls]

Aah!

[Music ends]

Aah!

Oh, hey, hey!

Hey, there, buddy!

I can't believe I finally found someone!

My name's Charlie, by the way!

What's yours?

Hmm.

Hey!

You're not alive!

[Chuckles]

Fooled me again, cactus!

[Groan]

Wait.

Are you alive?

[Screams]

[Groans]

[Thud]

Aah!

Oh geez, sorry.

Your human face startled me.

You okay?

[Groans]

All right, I'm just gonna look for some identification.

[Groans]

Hey, don't mind me.

Excuse me.

[Chuckles]

Hmm.

El Oso.

[Gasps]

Por favor, amigo.

Uhh...

All right, I guess I can help you out.

Upsie daisy!

[Grunts]

Now you just need some R&R in some shelter, and you'll be good as new!

[Panting]

Man.

Charlie needs some agua.

Huh?

[Music]

[Groans]

[Grunts]

Oh!

[Water splashes]

Careful.

Easy does it!

Oops!

[Coughing]

A-ha!

Good thing I got another one.

[Gulping]

[Panting]

Gracias.

No problemo, mi amigo.

So, what's up?

Uhh?

Aah!

El Chupacabra!

[Both screaming]

[Screaming]

[Whimpering]

Hey, Chupacabra.

Oye!

Chupacabra!

Aah!

[Screams]

Stop screaming!

[Screams]

En serio, stop it!

Aye.

I'm not going to hurt you okay!

So calmate!

Sabes que Chupacabra?

You are a lot less scary than your poster.

You definitely don't have those "big fangs." Oh, um, I'm not a Chupaca-bro or whatever.

I'm a Charlie!

Por favor, Chupacabra.

Don't lie to me.

I know you've seen this.

It's posted everywhere around town!

Wow!

I look so handsome!

Oh, they spelled my name wrong, though.

Hey, that reminds me!

I have your portrait, too!

You famous or something?

[Chuckles]

You can say that.

Uh, anyway, Chupacabra, I just wanted to say gracias for saving me.

My father always said to me, "Isi un hombre salva tu vida, estás endeudado a ese hombre por siempre!" Cool!

Wait, what's that mean?

Basically it means I'm indebted to you for saving my life!

[Laughter in distance]

Arriba!

Arriba!

Madre mia!

We gotta hide you fast!

Why?

No hay tiempo para explicar!

[Grunts]

Ponte quieto.

Don't make a sound.

Not even a peep.

[Door thud]

[Spurs jangling]

[Laughs]

[Music]

Hola compadres!

Took you long enough to get back to our hideout.

[Laughs]

Oso, you hijo de pistola, we we're looking for you everywhere after that last heist.

We thought you were muerto.

Or worse, captured.

Yeah, amigo!

Wouldn't want you ratting us out!

Porque you know how we deal with snitches!

Whoo, blah!

[Laughs]

Que no, Chuckles?

Sí.

[Laughs]

Oh, you're ruthless, amigo.

[Giggling]

Stop.

You're tickling me.

[Thud]

[Shing!]

[Giggling]

Are you hiding something in that closet, Oso?

[Chuckles]

In the closet?

Entonces.

You wouldn't mind if I took a look inside then?

Chuckles, go check it out, eh?

[Giggling]

[Chair scrapes]

Huh?

[Spurs jangling]

[Tense music]

[Gasp]

Who the heck are you?

The name's, uhh, Cactus, uhh...

Amigo?

Is this some sort of trap, Oso?

Uh, he's just visiting!

I wanted him to be una sopresa!

[Chuckles]

Hm.

Why don't you come join us, Amigo?

Don't mind if I do.

[Clears throat]

Oye Oso, I almost forgot!

After our last heist, our bounties went up again!

Knives: Pero for some reason they can never draw me right.

Oh, wow!

You guys have fancy portraits.

too?

[Thud]

Ow!

Why did you kick me?

Of course we have bounties!

We're the best bandidos in Mexico!

[Chuckles]

Yeah, y tu Cactus Amigo?

As an old partner of Oso's, surely you must have a high bounty yourself?

Uhh, of course I do.

For, uhh, 1,000 pesos.

Wow!

Que chido!

How exactly did you get such a high bounty, Amigo?

I, uh, k*lled Sheriff, uhh, Table, uhh, Floor.

Yep.

I k*lled Sheriff Table Floor.

[Groans]

You k*lled Sheriff Table Floor?

[Laughs]

That's funny because I k*lled Sheriff Table Floor!

Oh, did I say Table Floor?

No, I meant Table Door.

I defeated a lot of dudes so I get kind of confused.

[Chuckles]

Why don't you tell us of this great defeat.

Yeah, tell us.

Sí.

Uh, actually, I think Cactus Amigo should probably get going now.

[Laughs]

Why don't you want him to talk, Oso?

Uhh...

Ah, don't worry, I love tellin' stories!

I-I don't think this is a good idea.

[Laughs nervously]

It was a cold night when I wandered into that town.

[Music]

It was just me.

And Sheriff Table Door.

Our eyes locked on each other.

Then he reached for his g*n, but I was too fast and grabbed my whip.

[Whip cracks]

I gave a whap!

[Clattering]

Then this, this, then that, huh!

[Spits]

And that, my amigos, was the end of Sheriff Table Door.

Laid it down a bit thick there, eh, amigo?

[Laughs]

Que suave!

You're so cool!

Sí.

Yes, that was quite a tall tale.

Y sabes que?

While you were talking, I remembered another fellow with a bounty of 1,000 pesos.

You ever hear of El Chupacabra?

[Music]

[Laughs]

Nope, never heard of him.

[Laughs]

Yeah, Chuckles me dijo, he was caught eating goats!

Uh...

a-are you sure he wasn't just trying to hug the goats, and it was all just some big misunderstanding?

[Thud]

Ow!

Why do you keep kicking me?

You're about the same height and build of El Chupacabra, too.

Cactus Amigo needs to leave now!

I mean, I mean, you should be heading out now, sí?

Uh, yeah, okay, right!

I will go now.

It was nice meeting y'all, and, uh, good luck with the crime and everything.

No, Amigo.

Why don't you stay a while!

[Gasping]

[Laughs]

You thought you could fool me, Chupacabra?

[Grunts]

Aah!

Aah!

Muchachos, atrapalo!

[Thud]

Run, Chupacabra!

[Panting]

Where'd he go?

[Horse snorts]

[Panting]

Olvidalo for now.

Let's deal with Oso.

Now escucha bien, Oso.

You tell us where El Chupacabra went, or how would you like to lose un mano?

Oh no!

You gotta do something, Charlie!

[Horse whinnies]

Hey, do you mind!

I'm trying to think over here!

Huh?

Hmm.

Criminals, we have you surrounded!

We know everyone of you in there!

We're gonna give you to the count of 10 to surrender, or we're gonna sh**t this place up real bad, ya hear!

10, 9...

What are we gonna do, boss?

Chuckles can't go back to jail!

Calmate, you fool!

It's obviously some trick by Chupacabra!

Five!

Four!

Three!

I can't take it!

Adios!

Aah!

Two!

Regresanse, you cowards!

It's the Chupacabra's trick!

One!

All right, boys, sh**t 'em up!

[g*nshots]

Not a trick, not a trick!

Madre mia!

[g*nshots continue]

I guess the g*ns weren't enough!

Release the cougars!

[Cougar screeching, howling]

And now the eagles!

[Eagle screeches]

Now release the elephants!

[Elephant trumpets]

It's all right, Chupacabra!

It's just me, amigo.

Did my plan ...

[Coughs]

Did my plan work?

Sí, Chupacabra.

I must ask, how did you get so good at impressions?

Oh, I've been around so I can do lots!

[Dolphin noises]

[Owl hooting]

Oh, and my favorite!

[Inhales deeply]

[Dinosaur roar]

[Laughs]

You sure are an interesting hombre, Chupacabra.

I'm sure you'll make many more amigos down the line.

Listen to me.

You must keep a low profile.

Promise to keep yourself safe.

I will.

[Grunts]

Hasta luego, mi amigo!

Narrator: Well, looks like Charlie made a friend after all.

But I have a feeling he was hoping for something more long term.

Maybe he'll find that one day down the road.

[Music]

Done!

Done!