02x16 - Bad dog!

[bunniefuu]

Who had fun on the river today?

Who smells like a wet dog?

You do.

Yes, you do.

[Sniffs]

And so do I.

[Dog whines]

Here's an idea.

Next time we go rafting, we don't bring along something that has sharp teeth and biting issues.

Oh, it wasn't Chuck's fault.

It was his first time on the river so he got a little overexcited.

Well next time he gets "overexcited", can it not be when we're near the rapids?

Yeah, I never thought my first kiss would be with a rock.

Oh, please.

I've seen you making out with your Mozart poster.

♪ Here we go ♪ ♪ We're leaving the city behind right now ♪ ♪ Let's gather by the campfire light ♪ ♪ And sing this song ♪ All: ♪ Kikiwaka ♪ ♪ Hanging out with someone new ♪ ♪ Then falling out of a camp canoe ♪ ♪ What's that smell?

It's on your shoe ♪ All: ♪ Kikiwaka ♪ ♪ Got a s'more in my hair ♪ ♪ Mosquitos in our underwear ♪ ♪ Shower's broke but we don't care ♪ All: ♪ Kikiwaka ♪ ♪ This is our home away from home away from home away from home ♪ ♪ But watch your back A bear just ate my phone ♪ All: ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪ All: ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪ All: ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪ Let us hear it for Griff, everyone.

Jorge, are you okay?

No.

Griff has set so many records, he actually has the camp record for the most records.

All I've gotten in camp is jock itch.

Well at least "jock" is in the title.

And you are not alone.

There are lots of campers here who have not broken a record.

Nuh-uh!

Everyone's got a plaque.

Even you, look.

[Jorge reading]

Who keeps putting that back up there?

And I was not rejected eight times.

It was two girls.

Four times each.

It just stinks being the only one at camp who isn't good at anything.

Oh, come on, Jorge.

You've just not found your thing yet.

I thought gravy breath was my thing.

That is not a thing, it is a condition.

Aw, man.

Oh, yes!

That means, you have to pay me $12,000.

Your turn, Tiffany.

[Sighs]

Too rich for my blood.

My mom gives me my allowance in broccoli.

[Barks]

Hello there, little buckaroo.

Why are you putting a cowboy hat on a dog?

Uh, because he refused to wear the chaps.

I don't blame him.

That's a fashion-doggy don't.

[Growls]

Hey, Chuck, this is my bed.

[Growls]

Okay, we can share.

[Growls]

It's all yours.

Tiffany: [Scream]

No!

Tiffany, what's the matter?

Did something happen to Neil deGrasse Tyson?

There's dog poop in my violin case, again!

Chuck, you have to stop doing that.

Bad boy!

[Gasps]

He is not a bad boy.

That is just his way of saying he likes you.

What would he do if he didn't like me?

Tiffany, we're really sorry, and we'll clean it up right away.

Won't we, little pooper?

It's not so little.

That thing is dropping eggplants.

Uff, guys.

I know having Chuck, has been rough.

But he means so much to Lou.

Don't you remember how sad she was when Hank d*ed?

Well, Chuck's making all of us sad.

Yesterday, he tried to bury me next to his bone.

My point is, Chuck has really cheered Lou up.

So for her sake, let's just try to make the best of it.

Tell that to Violet.

Now she has to sleep in a drawer.

Your violin sleeps?

Well not now.

Oh, man.

I really thought I could get the camp record for biggest gum bubble.

[Sighs]

Why is there a piece of meat in this gum?

When I blew it, I threw up a little.

[Gags]

[Emma screams]

Chuck shredded my shoes.

[Gasps]

Oh, no, Chuck.

Don't chew on Emma's shoes, you could hurt your baby teeth.

Oh, I'm gonna get you, Lou, and your little dog too.

I'm sorry, Emma, but they're just shoes.

Ju...

[Stutters]

Just shoes?

Tiffany, put your headphones on.

I don't want you to hear all the words about to come out of Emma's mouth.

He's just a puppy.

And everyone else loves him.

Right, girls?

[In unison]

Well...

Look, guys, I know Chuck has been a little...

Destructive.

Vicious?

Incontinent?

Well, I was gonna say "adorably rambunctious." Look, what if I work harder to train Chuck?

Would you give him another chance?

Please.

Aw, don't give us those puppy-dog eyes.

You either, Chuck.

Okay, Lou, but if you can't control that dog then he has to go.

Actually, he already went.

On Tiffany's bed.

I hope you can sleep in a drawer.

Please no more dodge ball.

[Sighs]

Given the way you were playing it was just ball.

No luck breaking the camp dodge ball record, huh?

I broke a lot of things, but not a record.

Wow, Jorge, perhaps your natural throwing dexterity is applicable to some camp record.

You mean like booger flinking?

I can hit a substitute teacher at 30 feet.

N...

No.

I mean, is there not a game where there is a hole and you toss a beanbag into it?

[Sighs]

What is it called?

Oh, beanbag toss?

Yes, you should try that!

Is that in the camp record book?

Let me see.

Bee keeping, bear tipping, oh, here it is, beanbag tossing.

Braiden K Henry, 32.

That's not that many.

Maybe I can break that record.

Who set the bear tipping record?

I wanna shake that guys hand.

Impossible.

The bear ripped it off.

And then b*at him with it.

Okay, Chuck.

I'm the alpha dog, so do as I do.

Shoe bad, bone good.

Now go to the bone.

[Sniffing]

No, Chuck, bad.

[Whining]

What is it about this shoe that you like so much?

Well, I knew Emma had great taste in shoes but I never knew she had shoes that taste great.

Wait, what kind of example am I setting?

Bad, Lou, bad.

Now, Chuck, Zuri is a friend and if you want a tasty treat, this is how we act around her.

I love you, Zuri!

[Exclaims]

Now I get a treat.

Oh, this is horrible.

I need to wash it down with some shoe.

Don't judge me.

[Gasps]

Yes!

Good job, dude.

That's 32 wins in a row.

We must stop for dinner but if you win tomorrow, you will set the camp record for most consecutive victories.

That is so awesome!

And I know just who I want to b*at.

Mr.

Camp Record himself, Griff.

Jorge, I don't wanna play you.

Why not?

Are you scared?

Dude.

I was in a cell for two years with a guy who wore a necklace made out of other people's earlobes.

I'm not scared.

I am actually now a little scared that we share a cabin.

Look, I'm really good at this game.

I was in the juvie team.

Our motto was, "Throw it in the hole, or get thrown in the hole." My motto is, "If no one smelt it no one dealt it." Jorge, that does not really apply here.

[Sniffs]

Wait now it does.

Thanks again, guys, for giving Chuck a second chance.

Thank you, for putting in the hard work and training him.

It was easy.

Chuck paid close attention and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised with the results.

Oh, no!

Clearly a mountain lion broke in here and destroyed the cabin.

Chuck, are you okay?

Oh, great.

Now we have a mountain lion to deal with too?

Fortunately, when her looks go she'll still be rich.

Guys, I'm really sorry, but it was Chuck's first day of school.

It took me a whole month just to learn my a, b, d's.

That's it.

Lou, we've had it.

We can't live like this anymore.

Chuck has to go.

Fine.

But if Chuck has to go, I'm going with him.

We're going.

We're almost there.

I can't believe you're gonna make us sleep out there on the cold hard ground.

If you want a bed, you can have mine.

By the way, those sheets used to be white.

Cold hard ground it is.

If I'm gonna b*at Griff, I need my lucky underwear.

Huh, oh, well.

Maybe my lucky gum will help.

That wasn't gum.

Griff, I need to talk to you about Jorge.

I need a big favor.

Dude, anything for a friend.

Give me five bucks.

What?

Do you not know the difference between a favor and extortion?

Yeah, the difference is five bucks.

Ravi: Very well.

But I must insist upon a no backsies clause in our agreement.

Griff, I need you to let Jorge win that beanbag competition.

No way.

There are two things I don't do.

Lose, and talk to cops without my lawyer.

But you already have so much more than Jorge.

You are cool, popular, athletic, your body odor is pleasant.

If you don't get to the point, it's gonna cost you ten bucks.

I fear you are too good for Jorge to b*at.

And this record means so much for his self-esteem.

Well, I hate to lose but I really like Jorge.

And I do wanna see him get his own plaque.

So, do we have a deal?

[Sighs]

All right, fine, I'll take a dive.

Griff, it is much too dark to go swimming.

Plus, you just ate.

It means I'll lose on purpose.

Give me the five bucks.

Hey, I heard everything you guys just said.

Griff, you don't have to throw the game.

Because I quit.

And, Ravi, I thought you believed in me.

Ravi: But...

I feel awful.

Me too.

[Sighs]

What...

What?

You said no backsies.

♪ Go to sleep my sweet baby boy ♪ ♪ Chase a squirrel their nature's chew toy ♪ Goodnight, Chuck.

[Gasps]

Hey, we're sleeping here.

People are so rude, aren't they, Chuck?

Chuck?

Chuck, where are you?

Chuck!

Chuck!

Chuck ran away!

Oh, no!

You must be so worried.

Especially with that mountain lion out there.

It's all your guys fault!

How is it our fault?

Because Chuck knew you didn't like him.

Oh, come on.

Jorge knows how we feel about him and he hasn't run away.

Probably because it involves running.

[Both laugh]

I'm going to look for Chuck.

Maybe he'll come if he smells his favorite chew toy.

And there goes my last shoe.

Jorge, may I have a word with you?

Well, if isn't Benedict Armstrong.

Uh, I think you mean Benedict Arnold.

The notorious traitor.

No, Benedict Armstrong, the biggest jerk at my school.

One time, he made me eat my own sock.

Why did you not tell the principal?

He was the principal.

Moving on.

I want to apologize for telling Griff to lose on purpose.

I was only trying to help you get your name on a plaque.

Ravi, I want to earn that plaque.

I mean, how would you feel if some girl only dated you out of pity?

Grateful.

[Sighs]

But I do see what you're saying.

Look, if I don't b*at Griff fair and square.

That plaque would just be a giant lie.

Like the moon landing.

Okay, you've got to transfer to a different school.

So, if Griff agrees to try his hardest.

Will you play for the record?

Of course.

That's all I wanted.

Great, and good thing 'cause you're terrible at darts.

Chuck, here boy!

Lou!

There you are.

Ow, ow, ow.

My feet are k*lling me.

Turns out, shoes have other uses besides making people jealous.

What are you guys doing here?

Is my dog not allowed in the woods either?

We came to help.

We know how much Chuck means to you.

Yeah, just because we don't want Chuck living with us, doesn't mean we want anything bad to happen to him.

I just came to watch Emma walk through the forest barefoot.

[Laughs]

Your foot's bleeding again.

Thanks for coming to help me, guys.

[Wolves howling in distance]

Oh, no!

That sounds like wolves.

They probably smell the fresh blood from Emma's feet.

Let's run.

I'm not leaving Chuck out here especially if there are dangerous wild animals around.

[Sighs]

If Lou is staying then I am too.

Because she's my bestie.

And she's the only one strong enough to carry me back to camp.

[Chuck barks]

Chuck, you're safe.

Thank goodness we found you before those wolves did.

[Howling]

Wow, that was an amazing impression of a wolf.

Now do Christopher Walken.

Um, Lou, I don't think that was an impression.

Wait a minute.

I think Chuck may actually be a wolf.

Oh, so that's why he kept destroying our cabin.

Even after Lou tried to train him.

And when we played fetch with a stick, he came back with a slightly punctured rabbit.

Best dinner we had all summer.

[Wolves howling]

Oh, Chuck, are those your peeps?

Maybe he picked up their scent last night and ran off to try to find them.

Is that true?

Did you miss your family?

Wolves are wild animals, Lou.

They need to be with their pack.

[Chuck whining]

I understand.

I know this is really hard for you, Lou.

It is.

But...

I guess since Chuck and his family found each other, they should be together.

Take care of yourself, little buddy.

[Whines]

Look.

[Barking]

Chuck.

Oh, I'll miss you too.

Goodbye, Chuck.

Don't worry about me.

[Voice breaking]

I'll be fine.

Wow, that is quite the dynamic warm-up routine for a bean bag throwing game.

No, dude, a bug flew up my boxers.

That had to have been horrible.

Actually, it just tickled.

I was talking to the bug.

Anyway...

Are you ready to take on Griff and etch your name in the camp record books?

Yup, you're looking at camp Kikiwaka's new boss of toss.

Oh.

[Cheering]

Let's see Griff b*at that.

'Sup, fellas.

Guess who picked up a new sponsor.

"Moose rump bail bonds 'n corn dogs"?

Yeah, if you get arrested five times, lunch is on them.

Okay.

Griff is blue, Jorge is red.

First one to 21 wins.

I'm just gonna warm-up my bag tossing wrists.

[Knuckles cracking]

Ladies.

I need to warm-up too.

Ravi.

[All cheering]

Okay, Jorge, you and Griff are tied.

The next bag in the hole wins.

You are one toss away from owning that record.

But all my bags are blocking the hole.

This is the hardest sh*t in the game.

You can do it, Jorge.

I believe in you.

Thank you, Ravi.

Here goes nothing.

Crowd: Oh!

Yes, you knocked my bag in.

I win.

That was so close.

Congratulations, Griff.

Thanks, dude.

And don't be bummed.

You're the toughest opponent I've ever faced.

And I once met a guy who stuffed his bags with human fingers.

Ooh, he would have liked these.

Lou, we're really sorry that you had to let Chuck go.

Thank you, Tiffany, but I'm the one who should be sorry.

I can't believe I had a wild, albeit incredibly cute, animal living in our cabin and blamed you guys when he ran away.

I'm the worst Woodchuck ever.

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

Zuri's way worse than you.

Agreed.

No argument here.

Just remember, Lou, Chuck might be off with his pack but you've still got your pack right here.

Thanks, guys.

[Scratching on door]

Oh!

Is Jorge scratching his butt on our door again?

Jorge, we've told you...

Oh, Lou, it's for you.

Chuck.

What are you doing here?

Oh, no he's gonna poop on my pillow.

Aw, he must have missed you.

Not as much as I missed him.

But I'm sorry, buddy.

You can't stay here.

You weren't the most considerate roommate.

Their words, not mine.

OMG!

I just had an idea how Chuck can live with his family but still visit us.

I hope it involves doggy diapers.

I love it.

Now Chuck has his own Woodchuck cabin.

So he can come and go as he pleases.

I even put in Violet's old case.

As a toilet.

And here's a dog house warming gift.

Please chew on this instead of me.

Wow, thanks, guys.

Chuck says thank you too.

Okay, boy, let's check out your new house.

Timmy?

Woof.

Oh, nice try, Timmy, but you know that's not your house.

I know but couldn't we share?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Does that say Timmy?

Back to the woods.

I really hope you don't catch fleas from that kid.

Jorge, there's something in the mess hall you need to see.

I've already seen the two-headed rat.

I named the left head Nibbles.

Jorge Ramirez.

We are here to present you with this plaque for the beanbag toss.

But I didn't win.

True, but you tied the record.

I also got Moose rump bail bonds 'n corn dogs to give you a coupon for a free drink with your first felony.

Guys, this is so cool.

But I can't accept.

Both: What?

I mean, I just started playing and I almost b*at Griff.

Maybe with some practice I can set a new camp record and really earn my own plaque.

I bet you could.

And I'd be happy to give you some tips from a guy, the good folks of Beanbag magazine called "Best in throw." You're on.

And how about you get me a date with one of those wrist massage girls?

Dude, I'm a beanbag champ.

Not a miracle worker.