03x04 - O Sister, Where Art Thou?

[bunniefuu]

Okay, come out of left-leaning lamb, and go into right-rotating rooster.

Cute top, Zuri.

I have the same one.

Sister power.

Sister power.

Where'd you get yours?

Your drawer.

Zuri, I told you to ask before you take my things.

Okay, then can I borrow your headphones?

No, you may not.

Sorry.

Can't really hear with these bad boys.

Okay, class, now let's go back into downward donkey.

And hee in, and haw out...

All: Hee, haw.

Hey, sorry I'm late.

I thought you were kidding when you said Lou was leading farm-based fitness classes.

Beats her barnyard musical.

That goose looked nothing like Alexander Hamilton.

Oh, so now you can hear?

Did you say something, Emma?

Headphones.

Hey, Emma.

Cute outfit.

I love your fashion sense.

Aw, thanks.

I love my fashion sense, too.

Man, I've seen someone fall off a horse.

But I've never seen someone fall off a step stool getting onto a horse.

I am happy you enjoyed it so much.

It was awesome.

Too bad Matteo wasn't there to see it.

We have got to coax him out of the cabin.

Perhaps, we could employ a bit of skulduggery.

Trickery.

Fool him.

All: ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪ ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪ ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪ Hey, guys, anyone want to join me for Lou's three o'clock "Barn Method" class?

No chance.

I would!

I love to work out.

It's the best, right?

Nothing else gives me that endorphin rush.

With the exception of yacht shopping.

You guys are nuts.

The only sweating I do is when the Dow takes a plunge.

You know, Emma, I won Chattanooga's Little Miss Fitness pageant I clinched it by singing Doe, a Deer while dead-lifting 125 pounds.

Wow, Destiny, you are amazing.

That's what I say to myself in the mirror every morning.

You also do a daily affirmation?

I had no idea we had so much in common.

I didn't know we had so much in common, either.

Hey, that's another thing we have in common.

Wait, Destiny, are you wearing Emma's necklace?

Yes.

I was looking all over for that.

And Emma, you're okay with this?

You freak out on me when I borrow your stuff, and I'm your sister.

Well, she asked.

So?

So, she's considerate.

She thought about my feelings.

Something you never do.

Come on, Destiny.

I think about your feelings all the time.

When I borrowed this watch I thought, "Hey, Emma's gonna be upset." Finn, we have discussed operating motor vehicles inside the cabin.

Must I remind you what that speedboat did to the bath tub?

Dude, this is how we're going to trick Matteo into having some fun.

It's a fake ATV "virtual reality simulator." Oh, I see.

We will tell him he's going on an ATV ride in virtual reality, but instead we take him on a real one.

I will say something I have never said before, Finn, brilliant.

Hey, what are you guys up to?

We came up with a way for you to have fun from the safety of the cabin.

Yeah, I programmed a virtual reality version of Camp Kikiwaka for you.

[Doubtfully]

You programmed it?

[Whispers]

He's onto us.

Bail, bail.

I programmed it.

Finn picked something out of his armpit and ate it.

That makes more sense.

Matteo, if you put on this helmet, you can hop on the simulator, and Finn can take you for an ATV ride around virtual camp.

Well, as long as I'm back soon.

I have some virtual reading to do.

All of the intellectual stimulation, with none of the paper cuts.

I can't see.

Welcome to Camp Virtu-waka!

Whoa, not only does everything look real, but I swear I can even smell the algae bloom from the lake.

Uh, yes, because that is not just a virtual reality helmet, it is a virtual reality smell-met.

Okay, let's ride, baby!

And try to pop a wheelie!

I can't go yet, there are too many campers in our way.

Those campers can't get hurt.

They only exist in virtual reality.

Yes, but, um, remember the song from ATV safety class.

♪ Slow is safe and fast is naughty ♪ ♪ If you want to keep your head on your body ♪ Forget that noise.

Put it in gear and let fly.

Um, okay...

Wait!

Wait!

[Engine starts]

[Crashing]

Finn: I'm okay.

"Camp Virtu-waka?" I can't believe you thought I'd fall for this stupid plan.

In my defense, I took a pretty nasty fall off a ten-inch step stool.

Hey, Emma.

To show how considerate I am, I wanted to give you something.

My suitcase?

Thanks?

Oh geez, this is yours, huh?

Well, inside your suitcase is all the stuff I've borrowed from you.

Thanks for lending it to me.

I didn't, but you're welcome.

Look, I'm trying here.

How about we have some sister time together?

Let's get some ice cream?

Zuri, I'm lactose intolerant.

Since when?

Since my tenth birthday, when Mom and Dad got me an ice cream cake, and I threw up so much it came out of my nose.

Oh, yeah, that was awesome.

I mean, you poor thing.

Hey, Emma, you know, since we started hanging out, you've become like the big sister I always wanted.

Aw, that's so sweet.

So, as a token of my appreciation, I got you a little something.

Aw, Destiny, I hate to have to break this to you, but if Emma eats ice cream, vomit's gonna fly out of every hole in her face.

That's why I bought her this dairy-free sorbet.

Thank you, Destiny.

How thoughtful.

Sister power.

Sister power.

Let's go grab some spoons.

Fine, I'm keeping the suitcase.

Hey, Ravi, what's for lunch?

Something flavorful.

Wait, where is Matteo?

In the cabin, being boring.

Any other ideas to get him out of there.

Actually, there is something I used to overcome my phobia of bees.

Why were you afraid of bees?

They don't sting unless you bother them.

Oh, not the insect, the grade.

Not getting an A is the worst sting of all.

Well, how did you get over it?

I used the power of hypnotism.

You mean one of those talking dummies?

No, that is ventriloquism which happens to be another passion of mine.

But I am talking about the controlling of someone else's mind.

That's cool.

But if you can do that, why don't you hypnotize a girl into liking you?

Well, the process involves looking deeply into my eyes...

Say no more.

I get it.

These flavor packets Ravi uses are amazing.

It just dissolved a ten pound hairball in the drain.

That's great.

Hey, Zuri, is everything okay?

It's nothing I could talk to you about, anyway.

It has to do with Emma, and you're her best friend.

Oh, well...

[Woodchuck voice]

Maybe you could talk about it with me, Woody the Woodchuck?

Lou, get that thing out of my face.

It's creepy and smells like smoke.

[As Woody]

Yeah, well, that's what happens when someone leaves you behind in a fire.

[Normal voice]

Hey now, Woody, that's unfair.

You know if I knew you were in the cabin, I would have tried to rescue you.

[As Woody]

Where else would I have been?

It's not like dead animals are always going out for walks!

Should I leave, so you two can work this out?

Sorry, he's still dealing with some post-traumatic stress from the fire.

Yeah, clearly he's the one with issues.

Zuri, I might be close with Emma, but I'm here for you too.

Tell me what's up.

It's just...

I can't believe that Emma is spending all her time with Destiny instead of me.

It kinda hurts my feelings.

Oh...

Well, if it's really bothering you, you should talk about it with Emma.

No way.

I am not telling Emma that I'm jealous of her for hanging out with a ten-year-old.

And you better not tell her either.

Okay.

I promise I won't say a word.

And that goes for Woody, too.

Oh, Zuri, Woody's a stuffed animal.

He can't talk.

Can you believe that she thought you could talk?

Lou, you have got to cr*ck a window when you're using those flavor packets.

Okay, in order to put Matteo under hypnosis, I will guide him to a state of extreme relaxation then tap a tea cup with a spoon exactly three times.

Won't Matteo know something is up if we follow him around holding a tea cup?

He would if I were simply holding the cup like a Neanderthal.

I plan on having the cup on a saucer, just as Madame Matilda taught me in cotillion.

Can't we just use a more natural sound to hypnotize Matteo?

Like a bird call?

Fine, but I am having my three o'clock jasmine tea one way or the other.

Matteo, you are feeling relaxed.

Of course, I am.

I'm in bed.

In that case, look into my eyes.

You are feeling more relaxed.

Like you are relaxing in an even more relaxing state of relaxation.

[Making muffled bird calls]

Now, Matteo, the sound of that bird call will be a hypnotic trigger for you.

Whenever you hear it, all of your fears will vanish.

Now, you will return to a full state of consciousness when I simply clap my hands.

Can't you just do a normal hand clap?

That was normal.

For famed flamenco dancer Joaquin Cortez.

What are you looking at?

Is there a spider on me?

I knew this day would come!

Nah, dude.

Ravi and I just wanted to know if you wanted to go have some fun.

Perhaps you would like to go outside and partake in some traditional Andalusian-style flamenco dancing.

Or...

We could do something not humiliating, like water skiing.

Do you have any idea how dangerous...

[Making bird call]

Let's hit the waves, brah!

It worked!

Wait, how do we know he's not messing with us again?

Because he went outside without sunscreen.

I'm really excited for Lou's class.

Me, too.

I love Cardio Rodeo.

Howdy, partners!

Prepare to blast your cores to the sounds of Toby Keith!

Ooh!

Hold your horses.

Hey, Emma, can I talk to you for a sec?

If this is about keeping my off-hand away from the flank strap I know I'm not getting full oblique extension.

No, it's not that...

Then what is it?

Well...

You can tell me anything.

Actually, in this case, I can't.

I promised I wouldn't say anything.

But I can show you.

Okay, first word.

Z?

Okay, Zorro?

Zebra?

Xylophone?

Emma, that starts with an X.

Come on.

This is important.

Then just tell me.

No, I promised I wouldn't say anything you.

I have to act it out.

Okay, what am I?

You're upset because you're a terrible clog dancer.

What she is, is a backstabbing traitor.

Zuri!

Gee, I didn't get that at all.

Dude, Matteo was fearless out there.

Your hypnotism thing worked perfectly.

You're a genius!

Like, duh.

Now we just have to clap, and pull him out of hypnosis.

I wonder where he went.

Maybe he's finally using a toilet without a seat cover?

I am just happy we got Matteo out of the cabin, and he is...

On the verge of death!

He is climbing up that zip-lining tower without a safety line!

Zuri, I'm sorry.

Okay.

Honestly, I was just trying to help.

Okay.

Will you please stop just saying, "Okay"?

Okay.

Zuri.

Whatever, Lou...

You betrayed me.

Zuri, I'm really sorry.

And I understand that you're angry.

Hey, maybe if you need to blow off some steam, you could come to my Piglates class.

Heck no.

Cowlisthenics more your speed?

Maybe Porkour?

Lou, stop.

I'm being replaced by Destiny and I know what I have to do.

Accept the fact that Emma and Destiny have become close and come to my moo-mba class?

No!

I'm gonna give Destiny the b*ating she deserves!

Well, I'm proud of you for being mature about...

Wait, what?

Matteo, stop.

What's up, fellas?

You itching for an adrenaline rush, too?

What you are doing is extremely dangerous.

There is no counselor at the next platform to catch you.

No fear, bro!

Ravi, you have to bring him out of hypnosis.

Oh.

[Claps]

Whoa, how did I get up here?

[Bird calls]

I am invincible.

Finn, why did you do a bird call?

I didn't!

We're in a forest, surrounded by real birds.

Oh.

I told you we should have gone with my tea cup.

And saucer.

Never forget the saucer.

Woo-hoo!

Both: Matteo!

Matteo: Yeah!

Woo-hoo.

[Crashing]

Ravi, you should've clapped!

What?

My palms are sore!

How does Senor Cortez do it?

Let me go!

No!

You cannot b*at up a camper.

I meant I'm gonna b*at her at badminton.

Oh.

Well then, carry on.

Out of my way, Emma.

Destiny and I have a date with destiny!

Huh?

What do you say, Destiny?

A friendly game of one-on-one?

Sure.

Loser leaves camp forever.

Wait, what?

Game on!

Nice try, Zuri.

Stupid birdie!

Just take your time.

You'll get it.

I don't want your help!

What is going on with Zuri?

I tried to tell you in Cardio Rodeo.

All you kept doing was this...

[Stomping]

And, yet, you didn't get it.

[Screams]

Ahh!

Ah!

Zuri.

Zuri, were you trying to throw that at Destiny?

Oh, sure, defend your precious new little sister!

Who cares about me?

I'll tell you who, no one!

Sick, the next line is even more aggro!

Ouch!

Whoa, you ate it hard!

Whoa!

Yeah.

Finn, I told you not to...

[Gasps]

Double ouch.

Finn: Quick, Ravi, clap.

Ahh, my wrist.

Finn, you are going to have to take over the clapping.

No chance.

Ahh!

I'm scared!

[Bird calls]

I'm going down headfirst!

If only there was some way to get rid of these birds.

[Yelling]

Go away, you stupid birds.

Ole!

Ahh!

What am I doing in a tree?

Matteo, calm down.

Calm down?

How can I be calm when I could plummet to my death?

Well, you were calm a second ago when you were hypnotized.

What?

You hypnotized me?

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

We just wanted to help you overcome your fears, so you could have some fun at camp.

This is not fun.

How am I supposed to get down from up here?

Unfortunately, there is only one way down.

That is not happening!

Do not worry.

I will go down first, so I can catch you safely.

[Screams]

[Thud]

Ravi: Boy, that was fun.

Your turn, Matteo.

I can't do it, Finn.

Yes, you can.

All the hypnotism did was block your fear.

You just have to go for it.

But, I could die.

Or, you could live.

As in, have fun for once in your life.

You really think I can do this?

I know you can.

Okay.

You got this.

Matteo: Woo-hoo!

Yeah!

[Crash]

[Ravi screams]

Matteo!

Are you okay?

Matteo: Yeah, I'm great!

That was Ravi!

Zuri.

What's going on with you?

Nothing.

I'm fine.

Just sitting here, crying into my pillow.

That's my pillow.

Whatever.

I don't really wanna talk about it.

Well...

If you can't talk about it with me...

You better not pull out a stuffed rodent.

I was going to say, if you can't talk about it with me, your sister, then who can you talk about it with?

Okay.

The truth is, I'm jealous.

Do you like Destiny more than me?

Zuri, of course not.

Destiny and I may have a lot in common, but, you're my little sister.

And no one could ever take your place.

And I'm sorry I made you feel that way.

It's okay.

I deserved it.

What?

Why would you say that?

Because, I totally take you for granted.

I make fun of you, I borrow your stuff without asking, and I used all of your old homework to get an A in geometry.

I got a C in geometry.

Huh.

I guess that was Ravi.

I should probably have a separate conversation with him.

The truth is, I didn't realize how important you were to me until you did "sister power" with Destiny.

Hmm.

I'm sorry, Zuri.

I shouldn't have done that.

That's our thing.

No, I'm sorry.

I love you, Emma.

I love you, too.

Sister power.

Sister power.

And from now on I promise not to borrow your clothes without asking and I'll start paying attention to what you like and I'll never cut your hair while you're sleeping and sell it online again.

You did that?

No.

Matteo, are you sure you are ready to do this?

I am a little scared.

But, you guys taught me that I need to stop letting fear prevent me from having fun.

Time to peel out.

[Starts engine]

Woo-hoo!

What a rush!

Woo-hoo!

Woo-hoo!

Okay, then, I'm gonna go see how far I can throw a hammer.

Oh, Finn...

Hey, Ravi, can you teach me some more of that cool flamenco dancing?

I would be delighted.

Both: Ole.