01x13 - Stuck in the Harley Car

[bunniefuu]

Harley, how much longer?

The perfume on Rachel's sleep mask is making my eyes water.

I'm trying to do a big reveal, and all you do is complain.

You walked me into a wall, and you get to apologize to Rachel for the blood on her mask.

Let's focus less on that and more on this.

From the woman who brought you the Slushinator comes the next phase of Harley innovation.

Created from the finest junk parts for her brother Ethan's new business...

Behold!

This is amazing.

It's gonna be perfect for my tour business.

Yeah. Hollywood tours?

You know we're on the other side of the country, and I don't see you pedaling this thing over the Rockies.

There's plenty of cool Hollywood stuff that's happened right here in Marshport.

I mean, who wouldn't wanna see where Kevin Hart once got his shoes resoled?

Marshport Star Tours combines two things that I love... talking and watching movies.

Not at the same time though. That's not cool.

Let's combine it with the one thing I love... not having to walk to work. Pedal away.

Hey, Harley, you know where I can get a cup?

Not unless you've got four bucks.

All of these are reserved for the crowds here for the town's tricentennial.

It's going to be my busiest weekend in 300 years.

Great. A customer.

I can try my special tricentennial flavor.

Red, white and blueberry.

Sorry. Coming right up.

Totally normal.

Don't you break on me.

Not on the biggest weekend of the year.

You owe me.

I rescued you from a very sketchy circus in Florida.

Whoa!

I'm so sorry. That one's on me.

Actually, it's on you, but it's on me.

I'm sorry for your loss.

And your face.

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Sometimes it feels like things are outta control ♪

♪ Like you're living in a circus ♪

♪ Tryin' to figure out your way in the world ♪

♪ Where you're at is kinda perfect ♪

♪ So turn it up, turn it up ♪

♪ Do your thing, don't stop ♪

♪ Let the games begin, let's jump right in ♪

♪ I wanna get stuck with you ♪

♪ In the middle of the party ♪

♪ We're just getting started ♪

♪ I wanna get stuck with you ♪

♪ In the eye of the tornado, rowin' in the same boat ♪

♪ I wanna get stuck with you ♪

♪ Get stuck in the middle with you ♪

♪ I wanna get stuck with you ♪

Hey, Harls, I'm dressing up in the store for the tricentennial this weekend.

What do you think?

I think you look like Abuela at a wedding.

Listen, I need $200 to fix my slushy machine.

I may look like Abuela, but I'm not handing out cash like her.

Besides, I bought you the machine.

I've been letting you keep the profits. This bill's on you.

Me? I don't have that kind of cash.

Why? Where's the money going?

Good boy.

I have no idea.

Then I have no idea how you're gonna pay for it. Sorry.

Okay, she's all yours.

I'm going over to Kiki's to work on my smiling and waving.

Good idea, 'cause you've got texting and frowning down.

It's for when I win Marshport queen.

There's a science to it.

Beauty queens wave in figure eights.

I'm going to do something more original.

I'm running for Marshport queen, too.

That's ridiculous.

That's so ridiculous, I laughed.

That's a good queen laugh.

You're too young to be in the competition.

No, I'm not. I checked the rules.

You just have to be a Marshport resident.

Now that's a good queen laugh.

Ugh!

Hello! I have places to be.

Who's taking me?

Deathnee does not like to be late.

Ethan, your turn to take Daphne to her playdate.

I'll take her.

Oh, thanks, Harls.

For 200 bucks. Ethan, you're up.

But, Dad, I've gotta get my tours going.

Sorry. Mom and the boys are away, and I need your help.

I wish there was a kid shuttle service.

I don't have time for this.

Excuse me for having friends, loser.

A kid shuttle service?

I just found a way to make 200 bucks.

Me, lead the tricentennial parade?

I know we've been power-walking the mall for two months now, but you think I got the stuff?

I know by the way you pass up free samples at Pretzel Pier.

You've got focus.

Or bad peripheral vision.

Either way, you're right for the gig.

Even if I wanted to, why would they choose me?

It's not they, it's me.

You're walkin' with the head of the parade committee, and I got pull.

And a recipe for banana bread they'll never see again if they don't choose you.

I don't know.

It seems like such a huge responsibility.

I mean, leading the whole parade, carrying that giant flag.

There's even a surprise celebrity guest.

The entire world will be watching.

Well, just Marshport and some shut-ins who like the parade coverage.

I'll train you.

I once trained the greatest parade leader of all time.

Who? Me.

And that concludes our tour.

Thanks for riding with Marshport Star Tours, where you're only one star and 3,000 miles away from Hollywood. Mention my name at the register for a ten percent discount. Listen!

I figured out a way to get my slushy machine fixed, but I need to ask you a big favor. Yes, whatever you need.

Sure, no is your first answer, but I need it part-time for a fantastic business idea.

Harley Car, the on-demand taxi service for parents.

Harley, I said yes.

Yes?

I'm not really booked up on tours right now.

Plus, you did make the pedi-cab.

So how about I take mornings, you take afternoons?

Sounds good. The mini mart where four Maroon 5's bought a six pack of ginger ale doesn't open until noon.

Okay, good, you're here. We need to talk.

If you were as classy as you pretend to be, you would know it's tea time.

Would you like to join us? Fine. Sure. Whatever.

Okay, I'm here to talk...

You're not drinking your tea.

Ooh! That's hot.

It's invisible. Don't over-play.

Fine. I'm here to talk about Marshport queen.

You can't compete; it's completely ridiculous.

Look, I get it. You're scared.

No, I'm looking out for you.

You're seven.

The queen has to speak, have talent, poise.

It's a position that really requires all of your adult teeth.

Somebody just lost the tooth fairy vote.

Scone?

Look, only one person can be the face of this family.

Like Kate Middleton will get to be the queen, and Pippa will get to say her sister with the better hair is the queen.

I'm Kate, you're Pippa.

Hi, Kate, I'm Pippa. You're going to lose.

Hollywood Harley Car, the kid with the bike to transport your tyke.

I have three calls before you. Please hold.

Harley Car is blowing up.

I've already made enough to fix my slushy machine, which, as you may recall, also blew up.

How's the tours going?

Not the big money maker, but a lot of fun.

I took 100 photos of the Muncie family at the airport where Selena Gomez lost her luggage.

Ho ho hold on to your claim ticket.

Hi. Do you have any Harley Car openings this afternoon?

Oh, sorry, Harley Car's in the morning.

Star Tours is in the afternoon.

That's too bad. I don't even need the ride.

I need some me time. I'd pay you double the rate just to have someone take him off my hands for an hour.

Oh, so you basically just want a babysitter.

What about a babysitter who knows cool stuff about Marshport?

Only thing he needs to know is not to bring my kid back in less than an hour.

See you at 3:00.

Harley Car just merged with Star Tours.

Well, more like absorbed Star Tours.

Well, more like a secret takeover.

Look, what matters is, I'm going to be making a ton of money from these desperate suckers.

Oh, sorry, ma'am.

I didn't put you on hold.

Do you mind not mentioning my secret plan?

Thanks.

I don't know how you did it, but my tours are fully booked this afternoon.

I can't believe it. Believe it. That's what Harley do.

Harley also do white lies, half-truths, and just plain leaving things out.

Like the fact that I renamed Ethan's business Harley Care.

Hi. We're here for Harley Care.

It's actually pronounced Star Tours.

You're a little younger than the customers I was expecting.

I told you the age limit was 12.

They were begging me.

"Where can I ride in a lobster while learning?"

There's only one answer, Ethan, and you know what it is.

Tickets, please.

I've gotta carry this the whole parade?

It's a lot heavier than I thought.

Keep it up there. Don't let that flag touch the ground.

The Rotary Club of Marshport has eyes everywhere.

Georgie, we need your help.

Kinda busy right now. This is good.

The parade route is unpredictable.

You need to be ready for anything.

I once got struck by lightning, kept right on marching.

We both wanna be parade queen.

You need to pick who should run, and who should drop out.

Which one of us should be Marshport queen?

This or that?

That's old news.

This is what's happening right now.

I'm not going to choose between my sisters.

I got no problem. Show me what you got.

The little one.

If I had one wish, it would be for world peace.

If I had one wish, it would be to hug all the children of the world.

Awww.

The little one.

The big one.

You're out.

The little one wins.

This is so not fair!

I don't know who you are, strange lady at our house, but I like you.

I feel bad for Rachel, but I'm super glad Daphne does not wanna be parade leader.

You should be. That kid sparkles.

Now, we're gonna get marching.

From here through the parade route and back.

We're gonna march and march till you can do it with your eyes closed.

This time, I'll try to not take out any street signs.

And... step.

Movie buffs like yourselves will be excited to learn that on your right is a nail salon owned by Jennifer Lawrence's third cousin.

Stop talking. I'm trying to play my video game!

A friend for you, a friend for you, a friend for you.

And movie buffs like yourselves will be excited to learn that on your right is a nail salon owned by Jennifer Lawrence's third cousin.

Harley, good news.

The part for your slushy machine came in.

Thanks, but that was yesterday's problem.

I'm all about the Benjamins now.

Huh.

On your right... the nail salon....

Lawrence... third cousin.

Wow. I knew you wouldn't like this outfit, but you've actually got tears in your eyes.

I do hate it, but it's not about that.

Daphne's running for Marshport queen, and I can't b*at her.

It's like running against a puppy wrapped in a baby panda.

Awww.

That right there, that's why I'm out.

I waited to run until this year so I could be queen for the tricentennial.

There's going to be a surprise celebrity guest, and I want to do the queen wave on the float next to them.

Do you know how good this would've looked for my...

College applications?

I was gonna say web presence.

I guess it doesn't matter anymore.

Some dreams you just have to let die.

Hey, you will always be the queen of my heart.

Okay, that right there, that just made me sadder.

Harley Care. We care when you don't.

Absolutely we can book you for two hours tomorrow afternoon.

Just remember to call it Star Tours for a five-percent discount on your babysitting ride.

Babysitting ride?!

It's actually called Harley Care.

But I'm guessing that's not going to make this any better.

You turned my tours into mobile daycare.

This isn't what I wanted to do.

I wanted to give tours to people who care about Hollywood history.

These kids care.

All they care about is throwing stuff at me.

At least you had bookings.

Face it. There's more demand for my business than yours.

So?

So join Harley Care, and we can suck the child care dollars right out of this town.

Listen to yourself.

You sound like a babysitting supervillain.

We're just two different people, Harls.

I don't care about money.

You know what?

Keep the cab. I quit.

But we're booked solid.

No. You're booked solid.

Don't forget your helmet. Those malt balls sting.

Ethan's not wrong.

This is not super fun, but who cares?

I'm making money.

Knock it off, you two.

Do not make me come back there.

Welcome back, Slushy.

Now there's just one more thing I have to fix.

I wanna talk to you about the Marshport queen pageant.

You want me to mention your store in my victory speech?

Done.

Listen, we both know you have a really good sh*t at winning this thing.

I'm pretty much a lock.

You know, this pageant is really important to your sister.

You have a lot of years you can win this, but she doesn't.

Something to think about.

I'll give you a little peace and quiet.

Close the roof behind you.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed Marshport Star Walking Tours.

Hollywood glamour is just a stroll away, with two moderate hills.

Exit's this way.

Hey, E.

I see you're doing walking tours now.

It's not just walking.

We also accept inline skaters.

How's Harley Care going?

We closed.

Harley won't be caring anymore.

Why? You're making so much money.

You were right.

There are more important things than making money.

I realized slinging slushies was my first love.

Did you do that thing where you talk to the machine?

That's none of your business.

The point is, I'm sorry.

So I'm giving you back the pedi-cab.

I want you to do what you love.

Thanks, Harls.

Marshport Star Tours is back on wheels!

You wanna talk to the pedi-cab?

Go ahead. Talk to the pedi-cab.

Nah. I like to keep it more of a boss-employee relationship.

Well, can your employee give me a ride?

Because I'd love a tour.

Hop in.

We're actually standing in front of a landmark right now.

If you look straight ahead, you will see where singer Rachel Platten recorded her first demo.

Is there some sort of hologram feature on this tour, because I feel like I'm seeing her. Oh, thank goodness.

I thought I was hallucinating from walking all those moderate hills.

She must be the surprise celebrity guest.

She's waving us down. What do we do?

Hey, lobster. Yeah, you guys.

She's a celebrity.

We do what she says.

Hi. Thank you guys so much for pulling over.

My driver's stuck in parade traffic. Can you get me to my float?

Absolutely, Rachel Ashley Platten who used to enjoy root beer floats at Swanny's Seasonal Custard Shop.

Quit scaring Rachel Platten.

Step, one, two.

Step, step, step.

As the man who taught Georgie to walk, I am impressed you taught her to march.

I taught a cat to fetch, and this was harder.

But when Georgie trains, she gives it her all.

Two, step, step.

Step, one, two.

Two, step, step.

Step, step.

Why is she turning left?

Uh-oh.

She's so locked in, she's doing her training route.

Where does that end?

Step, step...

Yes! I did it!

Wrong turn. My bad.

Go back. Go back!

Oh, no. No, no!

How'd this parade end up in our backyard?

'Cause Georgie was leading it.

Wait a second. I'm singing in a backyard?

I've gotta talk to my agent about these gigs.

♪ Oh, tears make kaleidoscopes in your eyes ♪

♪ And hurt, I know you're hurting, but so am I ♪

♪ And, love, if your wings are broken ♪

♪ Borrow mine till yours can open, too ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm gonna stand by you ♪

♪ Even if we're breaking down ♪

♪ We can find a way to break through ♪

♪ Even if we can't find heaven ♪

♪ I'll walk through fire with you ♪

♪ Love, you're not alone ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm gonna stand by you ♪

♪ Even if we can't find heaven, I'm gonna stand by you ♪

♪ Even if we can't find heaven ♪

♪ I'll walk through fire with you ♪

♪ Love, you're not alone ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm gonna stand by you ♪

♪ And when you can't rise ♪

♪ I'll crawl with you on hands and knees ♪

♪ 'Cause I... I'm gonna stand by you ♪

♪ Even if we're breaking down ♪

♪ We can find a way to break through ♪

♪ Even if we can't find heaven ♪

♪ I'll walk through fire with you ♪

♪ Love, you're not alone ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm gonna stand by you ♪

♪ Even if we can't find heaven ♪

♪ I'm gonna stand by you ♪

♪ Even if we can't find heaven ♪

♪ I'll walk through fire with you ♪

♪ Love, you're not alone ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm gonna stand by you ♪

♪ I'm gonna stand by you ♪

Looks like you've got a new stop for your tour.

Coming up, coastal calamity.

Find out how a local town's tricentennial parade ended up behind one family's home.

The parade was in my yard.

Phone call from Suzy.

Phone call from Suzy.

Dad, Mom's calling. - Phone call from...

Let it ring!

Phone call from Suzy.