02x18 - Prehistoric Ice Man

[bunniefuu]

As we steer our boat down, looking for predators...

There's a king croc there. He must be 12, 13 feet long, at least.

It has enough power in its jaws to rip my head off.

I've got to be careful. I'm gonna sneak up...

- ... and jam my thumb in his butthole. Holy crap!

If I get bit, I'm 200 kilometers from a hospital.

I better be real careful jamming my thumb in its butthole.

- Oh, boy, he's pissed off now. Go, dude! Go!

I'm gonna jam my thumb in its butthole. This should really piss it off.

Yeah, that pissed it off. I've got to be careful.

This guy rules. I told you guys.

That was an angry croc, but I managed to escape with only a few bruises...

...and a shattered testicle. Next week we'll look for more creatures...

...so we can piss them off immensely. Thanks for watching.

Let's go look for crocodiles. Yeah.

There's bound to be crocs here.

I'll use my croc call and try to bring them in.

That's not how a croc sounds, fat-ass penis.

I'm gonna kick Kyle in the beanbag and see what happens.

Get away. Come here.

Dude! Help!

Good job. You k*lled Kyle. You bastard!

He shouldn't call me fat. Why the hell not?

He's dead. Let's look for crocodiles. You guys!

Hey, he's alive. Kyle, you okay?

I think so. Is Cartman there? I'm right here!

Cartman, you f**** ng hunk of fat rat f****ng ass face.

Oh, yeah? Say that to my face, p*ssy!

Can you climb up? I don't think so.

I guess I have to go get him. No, let's look for crocodiles.

Whoa, dude, this is making me sick.

Sick, dude. Sorry.

What are you doing, fat boy? Screw you.

I wanna get out of here. Grab the rope.

Wait a minute. What's this?

Dude, it's a dude!

He's some frozen guy. Come on. It's cold up here.

Shut up. I saw this in a movie. People find cavemen...

...and make them their friend. Wow! Cool.

There's a frozen ape man down here. Send more rope.

There's a frozen guy down there.

Help me chip the ice away. This is just like that movie.

John Travolta and that French chick were doing it all summer.

They went back to school and sang songs about greased lightning.

The Sandra Dee chick is all prissy and the Italian chick gets an abortion-

Shut the hell up and get more rope!

Screw you. Remember that kid found a wallet...

...and got a reward? Maybe we can get a reward.

Hooray! Hooray.

Where should we bring it? Let's get it to town...

...then let them figure it out. I'm naming it Gorac.

No, we have to name it Steve. What kind of name is that?

It's my name and I found him. I found him.

What? I fell down that abyss and there it was.

I pointed it out.

Kenny, who found the ice man?

I think we're almost there, you guys.

The next order of business is a serious matter.

We need to vote if South Park should reinstate the death penalty.

All those in favor, say yippee. Yippee!

What? I missed the question. Yippee.

All those opposed, say nay. Nay.

Screw you! Hey, screw you!

Excuse me.

Not now. We're having a debate on capital punishment.

But we found a frozen ice man.

I found this frozen guy in the woods. No, I did.

What's going on here? We came for our reward.

Like the kid with the wallet. What reward?

Dinosaur eggs, woolly mammoths. This could be a missing link.

If I thaw the body and do an autopsy, I can learn more about this creature.

Knock your socks off. Thank you, mayor.

I can't give you a reward for finding this, but you can name him.

Really? How about Steve?

Steve it is. His name's Gorac.

Come on, Steve, we've got work to do.

Unfreezing this will be delicate work. We have to use advanced methods.

This is exciting. He could be an Australopithecus from the Paleolithic era.

See that? These clothes are from Eddie Bauer.

I haven't seen anybody wear clothes from Eddie Bauer since...

...1996.

Incredible. Think of all we can learn...

...all that it can teach us. Let's hope the press doesn't find out.

Stand back. There's nothing to see. What about the prehistoric ice man?

Oh, yeah. There is that.

Dr. Mephisto, tell us what's going on.

We still have work to do.

But it is my opinion that this man has been frozen in time over 32 months.

It's true, but at this stage...

...we know little about him or the time he comes from.

Fascinating news from South Park. A discovery of a prehistoric ice man.

A team of scientists is thawing the body so it can be autopsied and studied. is:

I fell down this ice cavern and I saw this block of ice and called my friend-

The ice man is thought to be from the neo-post-Jurassic era...

...where he was probably part of a tribe that lived on Waterston Street.

That's it. We can begin the autopsy.

What's this?

Holy crap, he's alive? That's impossible. Do an EKG on him.

The ice must have preserved him.

Do something. We've got to think this through.

He's been unconscious for three years.

He won't understand what he sees.

You can't just let him die.

Perhaps death is better than the shock he'll take trying to adapt.

It looks as if he's about to speak. Where? Where am I?

What? Is that English?

What? You're hungry? Where am I?

You're hungry? What's going on?

Me, friend. Friend.

Me, friend. Mephisto.

Mephisto.

If we could understand him, we could get answers.

If only there was someone who could talk with him on his own level.

A mind like a child.

I want to call him Gorac. Gorac's a gay name.

No, it isn't. Why are you such a d*ck?

I'm not. You are. Hello, children.

Dr. Mephisto needs one of you to help him in his lab with the ice man.

I'll go. I'll go. I found him.

I've never seen you fight like this. There's one way to do this.

Stick out your potatoes.

My mother and your mother Were out hanging clothes My mother punched your mother In the nose

- What color blood came out? Blue.

B- I-O-O-O spells blue That means that you will go to the lab And help Mephisto Then we can all go home And watch Murphy Brown Steve, you. Where am I?

Steve, Steve.

Steve.

Oh, good, you're here.

They revived Gorac!

You bastards. I need you to talk to him.

See if you can understand him.

Uh, hi. Hi.

What'd he say? He said hi.

Interesting. Where am I?

What? He asked where he is.

Tell him he's home.

You're home.

In the year 1999.

It's 1999?

He's been frozen for 32 months. You've been frozen for 32 months.

And we found you- What? 32 months?

Calm down. That's enough.

You freaked him out. You're jealous they had me talk to him.

You're not my best friend.

Cartman's my new best friend. Sweet.

You're not my best friend either. Cartman's my best friend.

k*ller. Fine.

Fine. Fine!

Are you Alphonse Mephisto? The same.

You're in possession of the prehistoric ice man from 1996.

Yes. We'd like to...

We want to offer our services in your experiments.

Oh? Where are you gents from? From the University of America.

There's not a lot to see, but come on in.

He's not responding. The shock is still settling in.

We've made progress with him in the habitat. Habitat?

Kevin and I designed a habitat for Steve like his own world.

Everything is 1996 oriented.

He looks so much like us.

Kevin has researched just how related to us Steve really is.

He came up with this drawing.

We realize scientific study is expensive.

We want to make this project more lucrative.

How would we do that? It's easy.

The ice man is listening to Ace of Base...

...which was a popular group during his era.

Their primitive drumming calmed his people.

He doesn't look happy. No.

I was talking to Cartman.

I was talking to Cartman too. I'm suddenly cool.

Here the ice man tries to gain Internet access on the computer.

The Internet wasn't big in his time, so the web frightens and confuses him.

It's okay. He can't hurt you. This is one-way glass.

Now the ice man watches TV.

This grizzly bear has the strength of 10 Morgan Freemans.

- I'm pissing him off. This could be dangerous.

He's changing the channel. Something on TV could frighten and confuse him.

They've done it!

The Atlanta Falcons are in the Super Bowl!

What?

You're not being nice to my creature. He's my creature.

He's fine. We're learning from him. Let him out. He's scared.

He'd be more scared outside.

How would he react to what's happening in the government?

It isn't right. Sometimes what's right...

...isn't as important as what's profitable.

Oh, my God. They k*lled Kenny.

What? I'm not talking to you.

Gorac! Gorac, are you there?

Why are you here? Viewing hours are 10 to 6.

They shouldn't keep you c*ptive. I came to free you.

That's really nice of you. Thanks.

Why are you here? To free Steve.

I'm here to free Gorac. His name's Steve.

Gorac. My name is Larry.

Steve! Gorac!

What kind of name is Steve?

He kind of looks like Steve Austin, the Six Million Dollar Man.

No, he doesn't. Does so.

Can you open the door, so I can get to my family?

I'm rescuing him. Thanks.

You're a d*ck. You are.

I've had it with your dicketry. I choose you.

You wanna fight? Fine.

Tomorrow at the bus stop. 4:00. Why not 3:00?

Terrance and Phillip is on at 3.

I'll kick your ass. I'll kick your ass so bad...

...you'll wish you never had it to begin with.

Your ass, I mean. Wait.

He's gone. The ice man's broken out.

No, that's impossible. How?

He must have used this door.

Damn it! We have to find him.

He won't survive out there.

If he isn't found, we can't use him for our military w*r-

Right. What?

Nothing. What did you say? Use him for what?

Where could he have gone? I have no idea.

We'll never find him on our own. This calls for some special help.

Can I help you? Leslie, it's me Larry.

Your husband.

You're not my husband. Think hard. We used to be together.

For over eight years?

I seem to remember a husband, but he was lost and never found on Kinosha Pass.

That was me.

Oh. Who is it, lover?

It's my former husband who I'd forgotten all about.

Let me shake your hand. I'm proud to meet the man whose wife I'm sticking it to.

So you remarried?

Yes, Lori. Larry.

Larry.

Larry, you disappeared. I waited for you to come home for three days.

I remember the cold and lonely nights. By the fourth day I had to move on.

Didn't you send out a search party?

We did. We looked all afternoon, but found nothing, no trace.

I don't know where else to go. I'm confused.

Leslie, I'm with Buck.

You're Leslie. Right. I'm with Buck.

We have children. Calvin is 8, and little Buck is 13.

I can't just up and leave them. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry too.

I'll leave you alone.

8 and 13?

I don't see any crocs.

You're supposed to help me get ready to fight Kyle, not play Australian guy.

I'll let this jaguar bite me in the face, and see if it hurts.

Come on, jaguar. Let's see what you've-

Son of a bitch!

You suck as a best friend. Son of a bitch cat!

What are you doing? I can't live here.

I'm freezing myself again.

That sucks. I know.

I've been here three hours and only my toes are freezing.

Wait. Why are you here?

Our fight is at 4:00.

I've got something to show Steve. Gorac is freezing himself again.

Steve, don't freeze yourself. Look.

What's that? Des Moines.

It's, like, lost in time. Everybody looks like you.

Fashion, technology and fads are two years behind, just like you.

Home.

You're going to Des Moines.

Gorac is my responsibility. I'll take him to Des Moines.

No, you won't, butthole.

They're coming for me. Come on.

These jaguars can be real mean.

I'll smack it. Was the ice man here?

He might have been.

We need him back.

Well, can you do it? Sure I can.

I can hunt down anything.

Wow, kick ass!

We need a ticket to Des Moines. Des Moines? Why?

We have to get Steve- Gorac.

To Des Moines or he'll melt.

He's not gonna melt. That's Frosty.

Frosty, Steve, whatever. I'll find him a seat.

Look. It's 4:00. We'll wait there.

We have to fight. Thanks.

Okay, first one to die loses. Okay.

Okay.

Okay. So here we go.

Okay.

Go.

Wait a second.

I think he came through here. I think the same thing.

We've got to get him back to the lab.

He can't survive in our time. Calm down.

Yeah, calm down, sons of b*tches. Wait, look.

Is it him? No, it's a Rocky Mountain rattlesnake.

It's the most poisonous snake in the region.

I'm gonna carefully sneak up on him and jam my thumb in its butthole.

Crikey!

This snake is really pissed. I'm gonna jam my thumb in his butthole.

That pissed it off all right.

Does he always do this?

I'll jam my thumb in something's butthole now.

Watch my coat, dude.

I got my ticket.

I have to go to platform B. Oh, okay. It's over this way.

The trail ends here. The train station?

He's going somewhere. Have you seen a man like us...

...with a thick brow and apish nose? What?

An ice man. We must find him. Where is he?

This is it. I'm going back to my time. Thanks again.

No problem, Gorac. Later.

You've shown me the meaning of friendship.

You only cared about my happiness.

You put me first, and that's real friendship.

I learned all a person has in life is family and friends.

If you lose those, you have nothing. So friends are to be treasured.

Right on. Cool.

Goodbye, boys. Goodbye, friends!

Where's Steve?

His name is Gorac. His name is Steve.

The train.

We've got to stop it. No worries.

Let's get him. No!

We've got to stop that train. Come back here.

Steve, look out. They're after you.

He's a wily one.

Oh, poop! Steve, look out!

Notice the dilated pupils of this prehistoric man. A sign he's frightened.

He should be, as I will jam my thumb in his butthole.

Stop the train.

Who are you?

I said, stop that train. Yes, hello. I see you.

They're moving fast, but I'll catch up to them.

I've got you pinned. I win. Now I've got you pinned. I win.

It's okay. The chopper's here. Go get him, boy. Cut him off.

Now for the coup de gr�ce, I'll just get my thumb up here.

The train's not stopping. It's not stopping!

Where's Gorac?

That's the goddamnedest thing I've seen.

Where's the ice man? He has to be here.

I can't believe he's gone. Look, the helicopter.

He's alive. Bye, again. I'm off to Des Moines.

No, come back. You can't adapt. You'll never live.

I'm not living here. Living is having ups and downs and sharing them with friends.

Thank you, Stan and Kyle. See you.

Damn. So much for our plan to take over Sweden.

What? Nothing.

Steve is a good name for that guy.

No, Gorac is original, and besides, you found him.

Be very, very quiet. I'm hunting crocodiles.

Can we be best friends again? I hate Cartman.

Me too. He sucks.

Oh, yeah? Well, I don't need you guys anyway. You guys can kiss my-

There's a king croc right there.

And what I'm gonna do is sneak up on it, and jam my thumb in-

Hey, get me out of here.