04x05 - The Birthplace of Civilization

[bunniefuu]

Antecedently on Fargo...

Hmm?

Take Irish.

Merda.

- (g*nshots)
- (TIRES SCREECH)

(HORN HONKING)

If you ordered it, I got no problem accepting consequence.

But I know you don't want to start a w*r.

I didn't order a g*dd*mn hit!

LOY: Who's calling the sh*ts over there?

The ape or the pipsqueak?

You're giving orders now?

Are we at w*r?

Not yet.

(SCREAMING)

But we're trying real hard.

GAETANO: These mulignani... they think that... we are weak.

They're right.

You're weak.

You took a sh*t.

You missed.

Now my enemy's got g*ns.

What is it with everybody today thinking they can talk back to me like we're having a debate?

You... put the muscle on Cannon.

Bust some heads, make some arrests.

LOY: Sell to Mort Kellerman.

Tell him he can have 'em at cost.

But he owes us devotion.

(WHOOPING)

(APPLAUSE, WHISTLING)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Man, that cat can blow.

(DOOR OPENS)

Party's over!

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

The party's over!

We got to go!

Freeze, Sambo.

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING CONTINUES)

Stop! You're k*lling him!

(GRUNTING)

(PANTING)

- (GRUNTS)
- (WHEEZES)

♪ ♪

(OFFICER CHUCKLES)

♪ ♪

(SIREN WAILING)

- (CAR DOORS CLOSE)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Hai visto.

That's how it's done.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(CAR DOORS CLOSE)

- (ENGINE STARTS)
- I really hate that guy.

♪ ♪

r*fle Claus came early this year.

Something like that.

You know the terms.

g*ns for loyalty.

We going to w*r with the Eyeties?

Depends.

On?

(ENGINE STARTS)

Arrivederci!

DOCTOR SENATOR: Just stay by the phone.

We'll call you when we need you.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(BLOWS)

What do you want to do about the funeral home?

It's ours now.

Tell 'em. Make it clear.

If they tell us where the dykes are, we'll let 'em live.

If not...

- MAN: Police!
- (DOOR OPENS)

(SHOUTING)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTING)

- cr*cker-ass m*therf*cker.
- The f*ck you say?

(EXCLAIMS)

ODIS: Grab some air.

Hey.

I said grab some air!

You boys are breaking the law.

What law?

Having too many teeth.

(HISSES)

Whoops.

What's my money bag doing here on the floor?

Better put this back in the car.

I know you.

No, you don't.

(CRASH)

LOY: Yeah.

I heard about you.

(CRASH)

Odis here was in the w*r.

Minesweeper.

Every day, take his men...

... and hoof it on ahead of the army,

looking for land mines.

You shut up.

Lot of turnover in Odis' unit.

Boom! There goes Sammy.

Boom! There goes Mike.

Whole thing started to make Odis a little twitchy.

Until, one day, he couldn't take it no more.

So he laid down in the grass.

Just looks at the clouds.

Army rolls up.

Colonel says,

"Odis,

did you clear this field?"

And Odis says,

- "Yes, sir."
- (GASPING)

- See...
- I cleared it.

Colonel had to take a piss.

So he walks out into the field and...

Boom!

They got to send him home in a tureen.

That's a pot they put soup in.

(HOARSELY): Get 'em out of here.

Not-not him.

OFFICER: Get 'em all out. Go.

OFFICER : You heard him.

(STAMMERS, EXHALES)

You didn't fight in the w*r, did you?

Nah, man.

Why would I fight for a country that wants me dead?

(CHUCKLES) Boom!

Josto Fadda says... stick to the deal.

Boom!

- (THUNDER RUMBLES)
- (SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE)

- (MAN GROANING)
- (PHONE RINGING IN DISTANCE)

(GROANING CONTINUES)

(GROANING LOUDLY)

Shh!

ETHELRIDA: Dear Dr. Harvard...

I am writing to inform you of the actions of one of your nurses.

(KNOCKING)

(DOOR OPENS)

THURMAN: Decent?

Lights out.

Big day tomorrow.

What?

Your birthday.

Don't tell me you forgot.

(EXHALES) Yeah.

Right, it's a... it's a big day.

Hey, Dad, what... what's laudanum?

Chemistry homework?

Not exactly.

Well, let's see.

Laudanum, it's a...it's a painkiller.

Real potent.

Is it dangerous?

Could be, if you take too much. Why?

I saw it at Mrs. Mayflower's, across the way.

Tons.

Well, hon, she is a nurse.

But it's not something she should be keeping around the house.

Lights out now, okay?

Okay, Daddy.

Dad.

Are we ever gonna see Aunt Zelmare again?

Of course we will.

She's just, you know, an escaped convict, so...

Where'd she go?

She's, um...

Well, I don't know that you need to know that, young lady.

She's at a residential hotel downtown, holed up.

The New Parie or some such.

But don't you even think of going down there, you hear me?

Okay.

Listen... this Miss Mayflower.

She's... she's not really...

I mean, I'm sure she's real nice, but she's not someone you should be hanging around.

Huh?

We got a real precarious situation here, living outside the law and all.

So...

Not to mention, I think she might've poisoned that pie she baked us.

Anyway, steer clear.

All right.

Say hello to the sandman, birthday girl.

ETHELRIDA: I've worked alongside Oraetta Mayflower for many years now...

- (GROANING)
- (THUD)

... and felt that I should bring certain actions of hers to your attention.

In the last year, many of Nurse Mayflower's patients have d*ed under mysterious circumstances.

NEWSMAN (OVER RADIO): President Truman, asking Congress

for strong anti-inflation laws, says

we must remain strong at home to b*at worldwide communism.

TRUMAN: And the way to do it is

to have an anti-inflation program,

including price controls,

wage controls, rent controls, credit controls...

Controls that really

hold down prices and the cost of living.

You carry the five, don't forget.

(JOSTO SIGHS)

What's he working on?

Satchel, tell the boss what you're working on.

Long division.

You're teaching him?

- I'm bad at math.
- Funny.

No one ever says "I'm bad at English."

What?

Nothing.

We got 'em on the run, I think, after last night.

The way I figure, he'll go home.

Gaetano.

This thing's rightly sorted, there's no w*r to fight.

He'll go home.

Would you?

Would I what?

Italy's over. We turned it into a toilet.

This is the land of plenty.

Boom times.

Would you go back?

Maybe he gets another city, then.

Cleveland.

Yeah, Moreno's in Cleveland.

No, you watch.

Train's gonna pull in next week, maybe earlier...

Ten, guys from the old country.

"I just thought we could use the help," he'll say, your brother, but make no mistake.

Those are his men... and they're here to take over.

So what do we do?

Making me say it instead of you isn't gonna make doing it any easier.

Plenty of people are bad at English.

Yeah, but they're not proud of it.

This problem you got...
It's a math problem.

Either you divide them or they multiply.

Capisce?

I got to piss.

Be ready.

When the sh**ting starts, we vanish.

(INDISTINCT WHISPERING)

(CLATTERING)

(WHISPERS): It's the niece.

Show her the whistle.

(WHISTLES TWO NOTES)

So we know you're friendly next time.

Hey, you got any food on you?

There's too much heat in the street to go out, and we ate all the saltines last night.

(SIGHS) I got some pretzels in my bag.

You want a drink?

We're drinking.

No, ma'am.

Come on, now. It's your birthday.

You're grown.

(LAUGHS) What, you thought I forgot?

sh*t, I wish I could be with y'all to celebrate, eat me some cake.

- Cake?
- But this gonna have to do.

Oh, well, liquor clouds the mind.

That's what I'm counting on.

To my beautiful niece and another twirl around the sun.

I'll slurp to that.

- (SWANEE EXHALES)
- (ZELMARE CLEARS THROAT)

Aunt Zelmare, what would you do if you saw something wrong?

Something you could fix?

Nothing.

What do you mean?

I mean nothing.

'Cause you're a criminal?

I ain't a criminal.

You're innocent you're saying?

Girl, I ain't been innocent since Uncle Charlie cornered me in the shed when I was nine.

Then I don't understand.

SWANEE: She's saying we ain't criminals.

We're outlaws.

See, criminals play the game.

What game?

Life. The earth.

ZELMARE: Society, right?

They got their rules.

Banking and family.

An honest dollar for an honest day's work.

Politics and voting.

And the criminal...
He on the other side of that, but still he play the game.

And if he plays it long enough, he even starts to talk about going legit.

The outlaw, on the other hand...

The outlaw, on the other hand...

...well, we reject the game.

Society.

Ain't nothing organized about our crime, 'cause our crime is freedom.

No rules.

ZELMARE: And nothing's ever broke, and there ain't nothing to fix.

All we want is to live while we're alive and... die with a g*n in our hands.

You a bit of an outlaw.

- Me?
- Yeah.

Your mama sees it, too.

In the eyes.

That's why she say, "Keep away."

I'm not an outlaw.

Then, which are you...

A convict or a square?

I'm not either one of those things.

What are you, then?

I'm Ethelrida Pearl Smutny.

One of a kind.

I just came home to change my shirt.

- Mm-hmm.
- What?

What's wrong with her?

Where you off to?

They arrested your son.

I know. I'm handling it.

Same way you're handling your other son, lives in an attic with an Irishman?

Come on, now. We talked about that.

We did. And there he is, eating someone else's food, still.

NARCISSA: Mm-hmm.

Doc's gonna bail the boy out this morning.

He got his bell rung pretty good, but he's all right.

I'll get him.

He's not the only boy I got in there.

They all need bailing out.

Now, Doc's gonna sort it.

You best get out of my way.

NARCISSA: Mm-hmm.

You got something to say to me?

Don't you take this out on Mama.

You ain't going down there.

Loy Cannon, you know better than to come between a mother and her child.

- I'm handling it.
- Oh. You handling it.

Well, send a letter to the pope.

You hear that, Mama?

- Daddy's handling it.
- Mm-hmm.

I got two baby girls upstairs sleeping.

You're gonna handle them, too?

Maybe into the hospital or the cemetery?

Pretty soon, all we're gonna have around here is a house full of clothes.

I said I'm...

You like that coat you wearing?

The food you're eating?

How about you, Your Majesty?

You like the view from your room?

Your fancy blankets?

Where you think all that comes from?

The razor's edge.

What, we're supposed to get rich and stay rich, how?

By saying our prayers?

The boy went to the club and the bulls lit him up.

You act like that can't happen just walking down the street.

Acting like I'm the villain, when all I do is fight for this family.

You don't like how it's going?

You scared to take the risk?

Too bad.

We're on the ride now,

and we can't get off till the roller coaster stops.

Now take off your damn coat and get me some f*cking coffee!

Can I get a "mm-hmm"?

Hmm.

OMIE: Pong.

OPAL: Ping.

OMIE: Pong.

OPAL: Ping.

Pong.

(SPITS)

My mouth tastes like metal.

OPAL: Ping.

OMIE: The law loosed your fillings.

It's your own teeth you're tasting.

Pong.

I know what it looks like.

Ping.

Is this prison or jail?

Kid got his bell rung pretty good.

Nah, he just never been in the clink before.

Thanks to Pong over here.

Wearing grooves.

I moved him out the back as soon as I saw 'em.

We was outnumbered.

That's good.

Tell the boss that.

"'We was outnumbered' is why your oldest is looking at a decade stretch on a chain g*ng."

You hear music?

Ask the boy.

Ask him.

Leon fought. He fought hard.

OPAL: He shouldn't have been out there at all.

Boss' son.

Underage.

Neck-deep in liquor and syphilis.

I'm f*cked.

May as well bite my own throat.

(KEYS JINGLING)

(LOCK CLICKS)

(GATE SLIDES OPEN)

(CHUCKLES)

♪ ♪

Back in a box, huh?

Open the gate.

We'll see who ends up in a box.

You know why America loves a crime story?

Because America is a crime story.

But here's the rub.

When we hear a crime story, who do we root for?

Not the poor sap that got taken.

The victim, no.

We root for the taker.

The guy with the gat.

(IMITATING MACHINE g*n)

See, this country loves a man who takes what he wants.

Unless...

(WHISPERS): Unless that man looks like you.

Capisce?

See, Johnny Society looks at me, they see a fella that's using crime to get ahead.

But you?

All they see is crime.

And that's why you're gonna lose.

'Cause I can take all the money and p*ssy I want and still run for president.

But you?

It's always gonna be the rope.

Tell him it's time to surrender.

What's he gonna do?

Loy.

Man, go f*ck yourself.

MILLIGAN: We don't have time for that.

This is about his boy.

What's the man gonna do?

Settle or w*r?

The devil lives in the past.

Ain't no going back to the way it was.

Tell him I'll keep the boy safe.

No matter what.

OPAL: You just bring him back home.

- We'll watch him.
- No.

You're all gonna die.

(KNOCKING)

Buzz off.

DEAFY: It's me, Palomino. Open up.

(EXHALES)

(KNOCKING AND GRUNTING RHYTHMICALLY)

Rough night?

(EXHALES) They're all rough.

Big raid, I heard.

Taking down some real bad guys.

You should've called.

Not your case.

Sure, but you and me... we're partners.

So, anything you need. ¿Comprendo?

We're not partners.

Hey.

Hey, that's private.

Guessing the story didn't end well for the girl in the picture.

No, she d*ed.

Wife?

Intended.

While I was overseas.

Criminy.

How'd she go?

What?

I said "How did she go?"

If you don't mind me asking. (SNIFFLES)

Nelson Beets.

Broke in while she was sleeping.

r*ped her, strangled her with her own panties.

(ODIS SIGHS)

I got the letter while I was in France.

(LIQUID POURING)

(SETS BOTTLE DOWN)

Well, they had me clearing land mines... on account I'm real precise.

Get a system, never vary.

Meanwhile, other guys are getting distracted, blowing themselves to smithereens.

(EXHALES)

Anyway, got the letter one morning.

Went out to clear a field.

Just laid down right there in the grass.

Must have been there three, four hours.

You know, I swear... the clouds look different over there.

Different how?

I don't know. French, I guess.

What was her name?

Was there something you needed?

No. Just, uh...

I had a vision last night is all, while I was saying my prayers.

"Shake the tree," said the Lord.

"And your suspects shall fall like sweet, ripe fruit."

So that's what I'm gonna do.

Thought you might want to shake it with me.

I got to...

There's a lot of paperwork. Big raid, you know?

Captain said, "Stick with Odis. He'll be your guide."

Yeah, but you been here, what, years now?

I'm surprised they ain't named a street after you.

You'll be fine.

Okeydokey.

Well, I'll let you know if anything comes out of my day.

Yeah. You do that.

(WOMAN SINGING OPERA)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- (GROANING)
- (LAUGHING)

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(GROANING)

- (LAUGHS)
- No.

Calamita, hey, hey. Calamita, no, no.

He's right.

It's funny, yeah? (LAUGHS)

Like Charlie Chaplin. (LAUGHS)

(MAN LAUGHS)

Let's go.

(GAETANO SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

CALAMITA: He thinks he can scare them... your brother...

Like it's Halloween and we're kids with our trick or treat.

How Josto scare them?

The more important is, you scare an animal, you don't know.

Sometimes it fights.

You have to k*ll it.

Boss, I'm trying to...

We got to make a move.

A real move.

Hey.

Chaplin, come.

What is this?

It's... what'dya... c-coffee.

That's what you call this?

Yeah, with, uh, it looks like milk and sugar.

Milk and sugar?

(GAETANO SIGHS)

You know what's wrong with this country, hmm?

Your Jesus looks like a lady, hmm?

And everybody thinks they're gonna be president one day.

So nobody do the job they got.

(GAETANO SIGHS)

In Italy, we paid to sweep...

...we sweep. (GRUNTS)

(SIGHS)

We pay you to make a coffee, you make coffee like Michelangelo.

- Hmm?
- Hey!

Boss, can you... can you please sit down and leave the f*cking kid alone?

- Hmm?
- You think it's funny a man slips in the ice, hmm?

Ice you're supposed to clear.

Your job.

But you think it's funny because your lady Jesus tell you that I'm gonna turn the other cheek.

Well... (EXHALES)

...I'm Italian.

And in Italy, they had to nail our Jesus to the cross.

Otherwise, he comes down and k*ll every last m*therf*cker in Jerusalem.

♪ ♪

Shh.

(THURMAN SIGHS)

Well, that'll-that'll do her.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Mr. Cannon.

You need to invite us in, Thurman.

Oh, yeah. Of course. Come in.

Uh, it's for our daughter.

She turns today.

So, that's, um...

So, how you been?

It's been a long night, Thurman.

Don't try my patience.

DIBRELL: Mr. Cannon, I swear, whatever it is, we can fix it.

LOY: You paid me back with my own money.

We...

You robbed my place, your proxy sh*t a couple of my guys, and then you turn around and pay me back with my own money, which, I got to say, is about ten for balls

- and zero for brains.
- I like cake.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) No, not you.

Zero the number.

DIBRELL: We have some cookies.

I-I can get your son some cookies.

Sit!

Does this look like my son?

Does he look like my son?

Well...

Tell them your name.

Zirominu Guglielmo Fadda.

I traded for him.

You...

I traded my own son to my enemy for power.

His mama cries herself to sleep at night, but me?

I sleep like a baby.

You understand?

I will do whatever it takes to win.

Yes, sir.

Get the boy a piece of cake.

(DISH CLATTERS)

Your business is mine now.

You'll sign over the deed this afternoon.

Um...

Mr. Cannon, p-please.

No, no. We're past "please."

Now we're at, "Whatever you want, boss.

Just don't k*ll me."

Also, you're gonna tell me where your sister's at.

Oh, yeah, I've been doing some asking.

Zelmare Roulette.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) Some name.

Her and her butch Indian.

They broke out of prison and now they're here.

Well, I want 'em.

What are you gonna do?

Whatever the f*ck I want.

- It's my fault.
- Thurman.

No.

I should have asked her where she got the...

But... it's my first time, see?

Owing money to a...

And I didn't...

The rules, you know? What are the rules?

LOY: The rules are you tell me what I want to know, or I paint this room with you and wait for your daughter to come home.

Okay.

- (SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Well... I'm here.

What's the rumpus?

I knew you were trouble moment I laid eyes on you.

Miss Smutny.

Inside.

Now.

In all my years of educating colored children,

I never had a U.S. marshal come to my office and ask to talk to a student.

You mind giving us a minute?

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

I've been thinking about you.

About me?

Mm-hmm.

Straight A student, I'm told.

Speaks a foreign language.

My Lord.

Your aunt, on the other hand...

She goes on a cough-syrup bender that ends in the p*stol grip bludgeoning of a pregnant woman and the prayerful execution of her husband.

An armed robbery that netted Zelmare Roulette all of $ . .

You thought she was in jail for littering?

Oh, and then there's her paramour, Swanee Capps.

She was the third wheel on a bank robbery crew that k*lled a bank manager father of three and the coach of a peewee football team.

This is who you're protecting.

I know they're family.

And I know there, on the north side of town, colored folks talk about "us versus them" and "we got to stick together" and what have you.

But if you deem yourself a civilized person...

And I know you do...

You've got to act in a civilized manner.

End of story.

So...

I'm asking.

Where's your auntie at?

Civilized?

Mm-hmm. That's what I said.

You know, do you not, that Africa is the birthplace of civilization?

Which means both your ancestors and mine came from the same green Savannah.

I got an A in anthropology.

That's factual.

(LAUGHS)

Fascinating.

But... (LAUGHS)

Listen, I've been mired in this town going on ten days now, and I need to get home to the wife and kids, so I'll make this simple.

Tell me where your aunt is or I'll get you expelled.

- Sir...
- Oh, now it's "sir."

- Please.
- No.

The Lord said shake the tree, and I'm shaking it.

Your life or hers.
One of 'em's getting ruined.

Which one is up to you.

Boss, let me explain.

Get him home. His mama's worried sick.

You can handle that, right?

Of course I can.
I didn't even want to be in there.

Later.

Ready to work?

Yes, sir.

We leave in five.

Arm up.

Calling all cars.

Suspect fugitives are holed up at the New Parie Hotel.

I am inbound, requesting backup.

DISPATCHER: Roger that.

(LAUGHS)

I could get used to this.

What, masticating savory vittles and imbibing top-shelf hooch?

Hoo-wee!

Someone's been studying their vocabulary.

I am trying to be punctilious with my locution.

Girl, I don't know what you just said, but I like the way it sound.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(ZELMARE AND SWANEE GASP)

OPAL: Hands.

Ladies.

Cover yourselves up.

Never mind that.

Let's get this over with.

- LOY: You're the puker?
- (CLICKS TONGUE)

So you must be the sh**t.

Give me my g*n, and I'll show you.

LOY: They got spirit.

God help me, I love a girl with spirit.

Get dressed.

(CAR DOOR CLOSES)

SWANEE: Mister, either r*pe us or k*ll us already.

LOY: Dying's too easy.

You owe me, and I'm putting you to work.

- We ain't whores.
- Don't need whores.

Need soldiers, invisible soldiers.

Soldiers the other side can't see coming.

Who's more invisible than you?

DEAFY: Which room are the two jailbirds in...
The n*gro and the Injun?

.

We don't like bosses.

You like b*ll*ts?

What do you want us to do?

(CAR DOORS CLOSE)

(ENGINE STARTS)

ZELMARE: Hey, hey,

...don't touch me. Don't touch me!

(ENGINE STARTS)

(CAR DOOR CLOSES)

Son of a biscuit.

(BELL JINGLES)

- (DOOR CLOSES)
- (BELL JINGLES)

Good afternoon.

Afternoon.

Cup of Joe, Doc?

Not today, Nadine.

Am I talking to you, or am I talking to him?

Please. (SNIFFLES)

Have a seat.

Where is the consigliere?

Please.

(CALAMITA LAUGHS)

You ever...

You ever see a baby in a box?

What?

A human baby, I'm saying.

Not some... what do you...

Small dog.

A puppy.

They're called puppies.

(LAUGHS)

I know they are called...

Listen, sh*t-for-brains, this... your little powwows with the consigliere...

That's over.

You're not listening, so we are gonna stop talking.

Give some indication you understand the English language.

I thought you said we weren't talking.

What?

You said you were done talking, but then you kept on talking.

(LAUGHING)

CALAMITA: You think you're so smart?

Let's see how smart...

you are, talking to my Kn*fe.

Wait.

Have you seen a baby in a box?

I was... a baby in a box, cheese d*ck.

On the boat, coming over.

Just me and Mama... years old.

And she d*ed, my mama, coming into New York Harbor.

Tuberculosis, down in the hold.

So then it's just me...
A baby in a box... which...

Welcome to America.

Everybody's got a sad story.

No, no, no, no.

You're not getting it.

Why I'm telling you is not feel bad for me.

Why I'm telling you is you need to know... there ain't a monster on Earth tougher... than an orphan in a box.

When you're dead in the street with sh*t in your pants, just remember that...

You shoulda listened.

Is that a fact?

Yes.

That's a fact.

(SNIFFLES)

Nadine.

I think I'll have that cup of coffee now.

Son, I hate to be the one to tell you, but... you got it all wrong.

Your countryman, Machiavelli...

He wrote,

"He who wishes to be obeyed must know how to command."

Thank you, Nadine.

(SIGHS)

Like I tried to tell you,

I don't know how they do it in your country, but here in America...

...respect is earned.

Ebal...

He earned my respect.

But you...

(LAUGHING): You...

You're just boys...making a mess that one day

I'm gonna have to clean up.

Hmm?

Thanks... for the coffee, Nadine.

- (DOOR OPENS)
- (BELL JINGLES)

(SNIFFLES)

- (DOOR CLOSES)
- (BELL JINGLES)

- (DOOR OPENS)
- (BELL JINGLES)

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

- (DOOR CLOSES)
- (BELL JINGLES)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

We should blow.

Bulls'll be here soon.

He don't deserve to be left out in the street like this.

(SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE)

(SIGHS)

Boss, we got to go.

Come on. Come on.

(CARS DEPARTING)