Feels, The (2017)

[bunniefuu]

Um, yeah, so I got an early start.

I was 10 years old.

We had just moved into this new house.

I was really excited because it had two stories, instead of one story.

I thought that meant we made it.

And so we also had a staircase, which had a banister, and like how great would it be to like just slide down the banister.

I realized that it was really, really great.

What was even better was, like, once you slid down to the bottom, inching your way back up the top was really good.

Many followed with multiple partners, but I never had multiples until I met Lu.

Sex with her was just so amazing in this way that wasn't just physical.

But then just to be so surprised that my body could like have the capacity for this thing that I thought I'm a total pro at.

Well, I mean, there were, I guess, powers unleashed within that I did not even know I had.

[chuckles]

And I don't even really know what it is about Lu that just...

I guess I just like her.

[chuckles]

I mean, I love her. We know that.

I also just really like her.

♪

Hey!

Catch up!

Mm-hmm.

[Andi] Come on, we're almost there.

♪ You made it.

[panting]

Hi.

Hello. Hello.

You were getting a little slow back there.

Ha ha ha. Yeah, you got to catch up.

Gonna be horsin' around.

I like that stretch. It's good.

I'm really excited about the weekend.

Yes, yes.

All right, so we've got to pack.

Gotta get chargers. You gotta pee?

I gotta pee.

I gotta pee? Really bad, actually.

Okay. Ready?

Come on, catch up!

You're such a dork.

[laughing]

Okay, I need to slow down. Aw, come on!

You got this, girl. Come on!

[moaning, panting]

Wait, wait.

Oh!

Oh, God! Oh, my God!

Oh, God! Oh, my... wait!

[laughing]

Jesus. Oh, God.

Oh, my God.

♪

[phone chimes]

If I were a dog, what kind of dog would I be?

If you say Chinese Crested, I'm gonna k*ll you.

Well, hold on then.

Because they're ugly, and they're Chinese.

Not that there's anything wrong with being Chinese.

Is Pikachu a dog? What is that?

That's like a Pokémon. Oh.

[laughs]

Or like it starts with a P.

Percosassy or... No, that's...

Pekingese? Oh, God! Pekingese.

It just gets even worse!

You know, if you were a dog, you know what kind you'd be?

[phone chimes] Hold up.

It's Josh.

Yeah. I mean, he got in. Should be fine.

Yeah, but what is she doing? Why did she leave?

She's probably stuck in traffic, or she's like...

I don't know. She would've texted me then.

♪

This is incredible.

I can't believe it.

Whoo!

Hello? Hi! One sec, one sec!

All right, yeah.

Hi!

Hi, how are you? Hi, Josh!

Hi! So good to see you.

How was your flight? It was so good.

So good? Not really.

Well, I'm sorry. I was in a coffin flying.

I'm starving.

Oh. Are you still on tour?

No, I have four days off. Four days to be here.

Yes! Four days.

In it to win it.

That's right, baby. Hi.

Hi. How's Brad? Oh...

Ryan? Right! Sorry, sorry, yes.

I met Ryan at Christmas. Christmas, that's right, yeah.

I don't know. He's fine. What's wrong with Ryan?

I don't know. He's just kind of boring.

He's good at a party. I like partners like him.

But I'm, like, blehh.

He's a nice guy. You're hilarious.

Anyway... You should break up with him.

It's like so much hassle though to break up with someone.

Whatever. Let's... what are we? This house is amazing.

What's new with you? I can't wait to party with you.

Yeah. We're gonna have a great time.

Seeing anyone in LA? No? Hello! Hi, guys.

Hey, I'm Helen. Hi!

Need help with your bags?

No, I'm self-sufficianado. [laughs]

Don't worry about it. Hi, I'm Josh.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, man.

Oh, hey, hugs, hey!

I'm Helen. Nice to meet you. Hi, Helen. Vivien.

You were hard to find on social media.

I tried to look you up. Oh, my God.

I know who you are. Karin.

Helen. Nice to meet you. Cool.

I watched you... Sorry, I'm a little excited.

I watch your YouTube videos. Yeah, I love it. I loved it.

Hey, do you auto-tune?

I've been dying to ask you, and it's been on my mind for the whole drive.

You're so sweet. No. Oh, my God, no.

Dude, that pool out there is crazy sick.

Right by the kitchen!

[laughter]

Hell yeah. I'm gonna be making some sandwiches, getting right back in that water.

That sounds good. 30 minutes, I think.

No, you don't have to wait 30 minutes.

Oh, it's okay.

So I see groceries, but what are we doing this weekend?

So, yes, we're gonna put all these groceries away and unpack our clothes and hose off, and then we're gonna go out to a nice restaurant.

Hope it's to your standards. It will be.

Then we're gonna go just booze it up and drink, and then I think we're staying in tomorrow night.

I'm cooking, if you guys are ready for some sandwiches.

I'm just kidding. [laughter]

Chef joke.

That's cute.

It's gonna be good. Let's have a drink.

Yeah! Let's do it.

Right now. Let's do it, guys.

♪ So I'm going out every weekend ♪

♪ Just to see my boo again ♪

♪ At night I think of you ♪

♪ I want to be your lady, baby ♪

♪ If your game is on, give me a call, boo ♪

♪ If your lovin's strong, gonna give my all to you ♪ I only listen to your music because I don't have time to seek.

I don't even care anymore. I'm too old.

Just press a dial. I gotta send you some stuff.

It's not really a compliment. I just don't have time.

Oh, thanks.

That's why I love you!

"I don't have time," you wanna know.

I love your music.

See? I didn't say I didn't love it.

I said I listen to it.

Thank you, regular. Thanks.

Everybody in the kitchen was like, "You gotta ask this."

And I was like, "I will."

When you play live...

I'm being for real, when you play live, do you play to a click track or like a live recording?

Or is it like pre-recorded? Wait, I have a question.

Who was asking you?

Hi! [applause]

[shouting and cheering]

You!

Yay! Hi!

Hi! Great to see you!

Good to see you, Josh!

Hi! Did you get younger?

Hey! Thank you so much for coming.

It makes me happy. I wouldn't have missed it.

How's Flaccid d*ck?

♪ Someone's getting married ♪ [Lu shouts]

Hi! Yay!

Hello! Did you have a good drive?

Yes, fine. You didn't get lonely?

Oh, I got so lonely. I know. You're always lonely.

I was like bored, lonely.

And did you decorate okay?

I mean, I think it looks okay. What do you think?

This is good! Yeah?

Wait a second. You guys!

Um, what's the situation?

Is this part of the decor that you thought I would like?

Well, this was Nikki's idea.

Oh, this is a Nikki thing. Yes, yes.

She's coming. Nikki will be here.

So, guys, per Nikki's rules, those pictures that you sent me, I have drawn them on the banner, and Andi and Lu are going to feel everybody's boobs during the game, and based off the numbers and how they feel, they're going to determine whose are whose on the banner.

Yours too?

I drew something on there. Tried.

I guess it's debatable which it could be.

Like a nut sack? I don't have a chest.

Like symmetrical moles? I should've drawn those.

Be prepared to be perplexed.

I'm wearing a sports bra, so...

You have to take the bra off.

Hey, you don't gotta ask me twice.

Oh, my God!

You guys, you guys...

Aw! What's that?

Come here.

Kitty and Pups. Yes.

This was like a thing we had when we were kids.

Kitty and Pups, because when I was a kid, I thought that all kitties were girls, and then all dogs, or pups, were boys.

I mean, I think it's true.

It's the child logic. The brilliance of childhood.

But being the brilliant artist he is, he made me these comic strip, these... this anthology of Kitty and Pups comics.

Every time I had a really tough day, he would make me a Kitty and Pups comic, and it made me feel better.

And you haven't made me one in so long!

Like 20 years or something. I'm so happy to see it!

Very cute! Well, it's good.

He hasn't made me one because I haven't needed it.

Do you still have them even?

You still have any of them?

♪

[phone chime]

[Lu] You look pretty.

Thank you.

I was thinking of wearing this white thing.

What do you think?

I don't know. Yeah.

What's wrong? Nothing.

Oh, it's just Nikki. She's not gonna...

And what did she say?

She's not gonna make it to the house, maybe the restaurant.

You want me to text her and be like, "Come on. Don't be a flake. Don't do what you always do."

Okay, hang on. I can only talk shit about my sister.

Okay, but you talk a lot of shit about her.

I can.

I can't? No.

Oh, is that the contract? Those are the rules?

Yeah, sign here.

Okay.

Oh, a calligraphy pen.

Wow. Very long signature.

Yeah. Well, we're hyphenated now.

We're modern ladies.

[laughing]

Hey, let's try to have fun, okay?

All right, I'm gonna go get dressed.

I was really, um...

I was a little nervous going into the weekend just because my best friend Megan couldn't come, and I just felt like I didn't really have my peeps there, you know?

So...

But it's fine 'cause she's super pregnant, and I totally get not wanting to, you know, potentially slide one out, being surrounded by a bunch of drunk lesbians.

But I'm super grateful that Helen's here 'cause Helen...

I work with Helen and she's a delight.

Helen's the shit. I love her so much, and there's no one... there's no one like her.

When I first met Andi, I was really intimidated.

I mean, even just seeing her across the way, I was like, "That's a...

That's an attractive, cool, powerful woman."

But I just would never have the guts to go up and talk to her.

I just thought it was just a moment of adoration.

She made a beeline towards me, and I was just double-checking like, "Is it me?"

But she was coming right up to me, and then we were talking, and it just felt so natural, and it felt so... like it's happened before, that moment.

Like a very déjà vu. I don't... I just knew.

I just... know.

How long does it take to get pampered up there?

Probably f*cking.

Probably.

You know, people, they love to f*ck.

I know.

I came up here and I thought, "Look at all these pine trees."

Could you imagine just like outdoor, nature, you know, like just really raw dogging it out there?

Yeah, I can.

Raw dogging it out there? Raw dog in the pines?

Like raw dogging it in the nature, you know.

Just nothing in-between.

Just you and skin.

I'd just bump my head. I would maybe want a blanket.

Well, that's why I got Rosie.

Who's Rosie? That's my van.

Yeah, I named it after my grandma because she's a little crusty around the edges.

You look good in that van. Thanks.

You look good, Vivien. Oh, thanks.

I think you look good. I'm sorry.

What's so funny? What are you giggling about?

You have a great laugh, a great smile.

Oh, thanks so much. Your hair looks good.

You did yourself up. You cleaned up nice.

Not to say you were unclean before.

Well, I think you look nice too. I like your shirt.

[Kárin] Let's get this party going!

Who's driving tonight? Not me, not me, not me!

Okay, I'm gonna do it. [Josh] You're gonna drive?

Not me.

[Josh] Pick it. Yes. Good vibes.

I wanna get f*cked up.

Me too. Not me, not me, not me.

Oh, no, it's not you. All right!

It's Helen!

[all cheering]

Cheers! Cheers to tonight!

To meeting new friends. It's nice to meet you guys.

I've heard a lot of good things about you guys.

Okay, but for real, whoever's in the back seat, you're gonna hear like a noise.

It's coming from an El Pollo Loco bag.

I don't want you to open it. Don't be alarmed.

What the f*ck is in that bag?

Don't be alarmed if you smell ass.

You're gonna smell a lot of that in Rosie. I'll tell you that much.

[Vivien] Oh, good. A nice stinky ride.

Real appetizing. [Helen] All right, let's go!

Who's round, brown, and ready to go to party town?

Come on! Get in Rosie.

Come on, hurry up!

One, two, three, four. Everybody shut the door.

♪

[laughter]

Wait. What do you mean, Regular Helen?

That's what they call me. Regular Helen?

We met in culinary school, man.

So we met in culinary school.

There were two Helens.

We called her Weird Helen for obvious reasons.

Then the other girl, by default, she was Regular Helen.

And she got some note from the teacher.

He went around, was tasting all these dishes.

He referred to her hollandaise sauce as a mistake.

She kind of flinched a little bit, picked up her paring knife, flung it across the room.

No!

And so what happened is she became Psycho Helen, and therefore Weird Helen got promoted to Regular Helen.

If you have a problem making hollandaise sauce from scratch, you could just buy it in a packet, you know?

She was like, "Shut up!"

That pissed her off. It really got her.

[Andi] You guys make culinary school sound real scary.

I mean, all those knives.

I had a great time.

I bet you did.

I mean, it was funny.

Oh, for sure. I went home and had a good laugh.

[clinks glass]

Atenciones.

[laughing]

Um...

I love you both, and I love this.

And you know I don't do this all the time, but I'm gonna sing you something.

Ooh! She never does this.

I don't, but I'm gonna do it for you.

My special request this weekend, that we get to hear her sing.

[clears throat]

♪ The higher I get with you ♪

♪ The further I fall ♪

♪ The lessons I learn with you ♪

♪ Are worth it all ♪

♪ And if I can't get me right this time ♪

♪ And you can't get you ♪

♪ Promise compassion for after ♪

♪ You're full of grace ♪

♪ Sounds like truth ♪

♪ Truth ♪

♪ Truth ♪

[applause] Oh, my goodness!

You know, the whole restaurant could hear you.

I'm so happy this is happening.

Like, honestly. Like...

[sobs] It's really nice to see this and see how the universe can bring two people together.

You know, like... I'm sorry.

That song really got me going, you know?

It really brought up a lot of painful things, but it's like so beautiful to be here and to be reminded that the reason why you fall in love in the first place is because you do have that emotion, and it's real.

[sobbing]

You know. I mean...

Oh, Helen, you're so sweet.

Well, don't tell anybody 'cause I'm not a wuss.

[laughter]

♪

[phone chimes]

I can't sing like you, beautiful.

Not without whisky.

[laughter] True.

My voice is at the bottom of the bottle.

That's actually quite true. Raspy voice.

Many things are at the bottom of the barrel.

But I'm also not, you know, I'm never one to get overly emotional.

Sorry. I wanted you to know that I actually...

Hey, guys! Oh, my!

Hey, I'm Helen. Nice to meet ya.

I'm Nikki. I'm the sister.

I know who you are.

Hey.

I'm Josh. I'm Vivien.

Oh, yeah, Vivien, Karin.

I know you. Everyone knows you.

Good to meet you.

Anyway, I wanted to say really quick is that I lied to my boss and told him I was having my eggs harvested this weekend, so that I would not miss this.

I love you that much, my darlings. Cheers!

Born of a lie! What's gonna happen when your boss finds out you still have eggs?

They don't harvest all of them.

Oh.

Well, don't yell at him, man. He just didn't know.

Don't yell at a guy. Were you still saying anything?

No, I'm done now. Oh, okay, well good.

Because I wanted to take an opportunity to say a few things.

Oh, you have some things?

I had a couple things I wanted to say. I think, like...

Technically... You can have it. I was working on it.

But I guess, technically, I'm kind of the best man or whatever.

The only man. The only man at the table.

We may as well change the terminology to "only man."

Andi has been, as you probably all know, has been my best friend for my whole life, basically.

We've seen each other at our best and worst.

I've had so many ups and downs over the years, and I know that you've had mostly ups, you know?

And very few downs.

The only downs I really can think of is when you guys broke up, and you were a miserable... like she absolutely was like the worst I've ever seen her.

And so I just thought, like, all right, I guess... if it was causing her so much trauma, maybe it wasn't right or whatever.

Hey, dude, come on.

[stuttering] I... I'm getting there.

Well, who are you, you know? You just showed up.

So anyway, sorry.

You don't bring up breakups at these things.

[Josh] I'm getting to the point.

You are? Yes.

Get to the point.

You know, so it's very clear that you guys belong together, and you are perfect. Yes!

I think we should all raise a glass and say...

[speaking Chinese]

Oh, my God.

He's been trying to learn Chinese like since I was a kid, and you always f*ck it up, but I love you anyway.

Gong xi means "congratulations."

I have no idea what the f*ck else you were trying to say.

[laughter]

Gong xi?

Yeah, gong xi, gong xi.

Gong xi, gong xi, man.

Hi, everyone, hi. I'm sorry I snuck in.

I'm sorry I'm late.

It's all right.

I just want to say, even though I'm older, Lu has always been my big sister, and she's always taken such good care of me, you know?

And I brought something to take care of y'all tonight.

I want to give it to you. I like presents.

What's in the...

Oh, my God. That's Molly?

Oh, my God.

Oh, shit. Hope you're down to clown

'cause I could take about four of those right now.

[laughter]

Everybody's looking.

It's gonna be awesome, Lu.

[Nikki] You're gonna take it now? Yeah, sweet.

Are we supposed to wait?

No. I just didn't expect everyone to be like, whoo!

I'm gonna give you one.

[Helen] I'm ready to roll.

[Nikki] Are you chewing it?

[coughs] [Josh] Isn't it bitter?

Drink it with water.

This was a terrible choice.

Josh. [Josh] I better catch up.

Everybody drink water throughout the night.

[Josh] Police!

♪ Thanks.

How you doing?

Fine. You feeling it yet?

No. No?

I don't wanna go through the whole weekend with tension between us. I mean...

No, it's fine, there's not.

Look, I was supposed to take the kids to Adam's office, and when I got there, he wasn't there, and then when he got back, he had to go straight into a meeting, and it was just a total miscommunication.

I thought that...

Nikki, you really hurt my feelings.

I know. You really let me down.

I'm... I'm really sorry.

This is a big weekend, and I'm really nervous about it, okay?

I don't really have a lot of people here.

I promise you I'm here.

I'm ready to just make it up to you.

I'm ready to just... [chuckles]

[laughs]

Okay, this is...

Okay.

[Andi] True love! True love!

[cheering]

♪ [club music]

Hey, what's going on with Vivien?

She looks like she came from a lobster dinner at Forever 21.

They used to f*ck. They used to f*ck?

f*ck buddy.

I think they're gonna f*ck tonight.

I think they should f*ck!

♪ [continues]

The next morning, I came to my dorm room, and I found this letter that was like, "Oh, my God.

Last night was so amazing. I hope that we can do it again."

And there was like rose petals everywhere.

That whole message in rose petals?

[Well, no, he didn't... laughter]

No, he wrote it on paper, and the rose petals were there.

But I was like, "What the f*ck are you...?"

I think he got the wrong bed. You didn't talk to him?

I didn't talk to him. I didn't even like barely...

[Josh] Did he know that you had a boyfriend?

And he also knew I had a boyfriend.

So I was like, what is his angle?

[Josh] I wouldn't do that.

If I knew that someone had a boyfriend, I would be just like, "All right, fine." -Is she okay?

How you doing? You okay?

[heavy breathing]

Is this what an orgasm feels like?

What?

You never had an orgasm before?

Lu.

With a dude, or with like a lady?

Like with Andi?

I... No idea.

Well, I've felt good.

She's had one. Like a lot.

[Josh] Are you on antidepressants?

'Cause I was on Lexapro for three years and sometimes you can't finish, and that's just like a side effect of it.

I don't want to hear about f*cking antidepressants one more time, okay?

[Josh] I'm just trying to, you know, cut the tension.

[Vivien] It's cool. It's cool.

[Josh] Sorry.

Hey.

[sighs]

Did my decorations fall down?

No, they were fine. I just...

I was trying to make them fancy, a little fancier.

They weren't fancy enough?

No. I just wanted to contribute because I wasn't here earlier.

You don't like my decorations.

You don't like my speech at dinner.

You brought up their breakup.

I know what I said, and I know that it was dumb.

As soon as I said it, I realized what I said, and I started backtracking, but then you pointed it out and I looked like an assh*le in front of everybody.

I understand.

I just thought... I was just trying to protect Lu.

I gotta get some water.

[sniffles]

[Josh] You okay?

I'm okay. [sobs]

What's wrong?

I just... I feel bad. I feel like I f*cked up.

[sighs]

It's okay, it's all right.

I'm sorry. No, don't worry about it.

I'm sorry if I was mean just now.

I don't care that much. No, you weren't mean.

It's just I'm getting a divorce, and I'm just f*cking sensitive about everything.

Sorry.

It's all right. It's okay. It's okay.

You've still got a wedding ring on.

Yeah.

Thanks. No. I'm okay.

I'm sorry.

It's not supposed to be like this.

I know a lot of people who have been divorced.

Yeah? [laughing]

It's a very common thing.

It's a pretty common thing, yeah.

Even since I was a kid, I've had a lot of friends who've gotten divorced.

Feels really different when it's you.

This doesn't feel like... some statistic.

It feels like...

Feels like my life is over.

I know that sounds really dramatic.

Obviously, it's not.

Your kids are gonna get real messed up, but they'll probably be really independent.

[laughing]

Yeah, thanks.

How many do you have?

Two. Oh, yeah.

They're gonna get real messed up real good.

[laughs]

You're a nice person.

I'm all right. [laughs]

Uh...

I, um...

No, it's okay. I just... I...

You wanna stop? No, I just, uh...

I breastfed two kids, so...

I don't care about that. I don't care.

I like a woman.

I don't like a little girl, all right?

I like a woman. You like a big woman?

Yeah, I want a woman.

You feel okay?

Ouch. [laughs]

Yeah, I think I just need some water.

[gibberish]

I have to go help.

Okay, go help.

In the kitchen. Cook, so...

I'm excited for the day.

[sighs]

Hey.

Uh, coffee?

Yeah, sure, thanks.

Aren't you married?

It's not the most comfortable thing to talk about

'cause she's my sister and... you know.

So... I guess I was like 11, and we went to my aunt's house to go swimming.

She had this communal pool at her place, so it was like Lu and me and our cousin Tanya.

And that day there was this older girl.

She was probably like 13 or 14, and she had braces and this, like, huge cold sore that was super crusty, and it kind of like sloughed off over the course of the day in the pool.

Anyway, so we were in the hot tub, and I was like leaning over the edge, and the jet hit me at just the right angle, and then I was like, "Oh!"

Two seconds later, you know, it happened!

I blurted out in front of everyone.

"You guys, the jet just hit my vag*na, and it felt really good!"

And this older girl, the cold sore girl, she started laughing at me, and no one had ever laughed at me like that before.

And I just froze, and I was f*cking terrified of the hot tub.

I didn't step foot in it for the rest of the summer.

I think it's important to mention we were not taught the word "vag*na."

I definitely didn't say it that day.

We were told it was called a "missy."

And I definitely knew the word "penis."

So I don't know why my family, like, you know, taught us male anatomy but not female.

Well, I guess I could guess, right?

It's so... What the f*ck? Missy?

That's so f*cked up.

Hi.

How are you?

Hungover. How are you?

Yeah, I guess I'm a little hungover.

You have like a Molly hangover.

Nikki f*cked Josh.

Lu's sister? Yeah.

Yeah, that's her name, right? Nikki, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Why does he always do this?

Doesn't he know that she's married?

She just told me that she's getting a divorce.

A divorce.

Well, I asked, "You're married, right?"

And she just... Yeah.

She's just so selfish.

I mean, this was supposed to be nice for us, this weekend.

Now I gotta tell Lu?

Do you?

Yes, I do.

I believe in telling her everything.

It's that Josh always has to f*ck everything, I guess including my sister-in-law.

Not me though. Sorry.

Oh, honey.

Are you really feeling bad about yourself because he didn't want to have sex with you?

No, I'm not. Kind of.

Okay. Gone, gone, gone.

♪

[phone chimes]

My grandma had all these romance novels in her house, but they were my aunt's romance novels.

But she was like always in and out of rehab.

So my grandma had all these romance novels in her house, and I was spending the summer with her, after my mom died.

And like she would go to work, and I had all these books around the house, and then I started reading.

She was like, "Don't go in your aunt's room!"

I was curious. What's in my aunt's room?

She had this huge library of books and ashtrays everywhere.

But I found this book and said, "This is a cool cover."

I just remember reading about this man, and he had like this throbbing thing in his jeans.

And I was like, "What about my throb spot?"

'Cause I started feeling weird in my pants.

It was crazy.

Then I started touching where my zipper was, and I was like, "How come I don't have that?

What's going on?"

Then I put my hand a little lower, and there was something there.

I was like, "That's my throbber.

How do I get it to grow?"

So I was just addicted to these books when my grandma was at work.

And then I remember one day reading this and going, "Yeah, yeah, yeah!"

Like really feeling my throb spot, and just went to town all afternoon in my grandma's bed.

We had to share it at the time.

Looking back, I feel like I disrespected my grandma.

But that year at school, we had health, and we learned about puberty and stuff, and the lady was like, "And then an orgasm happens."

And then I rose my hand like, "Oh, I know what those are."

And ever since then, I've been really touching myself at anything that turns me on.

I saw this lady wash her dog once, and her tits moved when she was scrubbing the undercarriage.

All I could think about was being in that dog's skin and like having this woman's tits graze across my back.

So yeah, I could come to anything.

Oh, God. Well, there she is.

Good morning, guys.

Hi.

Mmm! You smell so good.

[whispering]

Hey, Andi, good morning. Hey.

How are you this morning?

Good. How are you feeling?

Good, yeah.

Would you just please keep it in your pants, okay?

Just for one f*cking weekend.

[phone chimes]

What?

Hope you guys like mini quiches.

♪ I hope you guys like mini quiches ♪ All right, brunch time!

Oh, my God, I need food so bad right now.

What was that all about?

Just stupid. Just Josh being Josh.

[giggling]

You guys eat fruit weird.

Hey. Hey.

[laughing]

Oh, my God, what if you guys kiss right now?

What? It looked like you guys were gonna kiss.

Can you guys just cut it out, please?

Grow up, be a little mature. This is a bachelorette party.

No. Yeah, grow up.

You wanna open some presents? Yeah, let's open presents.

Mine's gonna suck, so just don't get too excited.

Come on! Don't short-sell yourself.

This could be the best present.

I doubt it.

Oh! You can wear it every day.

You get the practical shit for every day.

Make it work.

Period panties, yeah. Thank you.

I don't care if they're cute.

Sling it on your vag*na when you're on your period.

This is my gift!

[groans] Thanks.

Really classy stuff.

Is it a hat? It does look like a hat.

Is it a hat?

[Kárin] No, but we could also figure that out.

Okay, well, first we got these little titty tassels.

Yay!

That's what I was imagining you wearing!

They feel kinda Christmassy.

Look at these!

You come in 2.5 seconds every time.

I have them in four colors.

A whole rainbow. Yeah, the whole rainbow.

I bet they're great for tantric.

Do you guys know what that is?

It's like when you almost come, and then you stop, and then you go again, and then you almost come.

You don't...

Okay, can you guys just stop? Can you stop?

No, no, dude, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I can't even believe I have to say please stop making fun of me.

I'm sorry. I got those two weeks ago.

No, you were just making fun of me.

You were eating the fruit and making girl-coming sounds.

That had nothing to do with you. That wasn't about you.

Okay, well, who did it have something to do with then?

What? Are you gonna tell her?

What's happening? Tell me what?

They were making fun of me and Josh.

Why were they making fun of you and Josh?

Because we, um...

We had sex. She's got a big problem with it.

You f*cked Josh?

You cheated on Adam?

No, I didn't cheat on Adam. Yeah, you did.

If you f*cked Josh, you cheated on Adam.

We're separated.

You're separated?

Yes, I'm separated from Adam, and yesterday...

How long have you been...

Look, I just didn't want to tell you before this weekend.

I wanted you to have a good weekend.

I'm sorry, I was trying to protect you by waiting till after the weekend to tell you about it.

You didn't wait till after the weekend to f*ck somebody.

Oh, no.

Guys, just chill out for a second.

I'm sorry, you guys.

You guys are f*cking obnoxious.

So you guys weren't just trying to turn me on with that fruit?

I don't know what we were doing.

We were f*cking around. It just got out of hand.

Did you know?

Is that what you and Josh were talking about in the kitchen?

Did you know? Everybody knew?

Yeah.

What the f*ck? I'm sick of this going on.

Vivien just told me 10 minutes ago, and I didn't have time to tell you. And I'm...

[sighs]

This is all so f*cking weird now.

Everything's weird. Everything's weird.

I want to make it right.

[Helen] Why was Lu thinking you guys were making fun of her?

I mean, everything about last night.

What happened last night?

Are you kidding?

No, I'm asking.

She admitted she's never had an orgasm.

Lu's never had an orgasm?

Lu and Andi have never had an orgasm?

This exact same reaction last night.

You don't remember that?

No. We were all drinking.

We all got out of hand.

You were the designated driver.

Yeah, to the bar, Vivien.

No. "Designated" means to and from.

Okay, well, I got us to, and an Uber took us from.

You want me to kick them out? I'll kick every one of them out.

I'm not that strong, but I'll do it.

I'll do anything for you, baby.

I just want you to be happy.

And I just want you to feel good.

You know that, right? You know that, right?

So just let me know what I can do.

I love you.

I know. I love you too.

I do. I just don't want there to be any...

It's all weird now, and I feel like...

Hey, guys. Sorry to interrupt. I bought you guys this gift.

We didn't really get a chance to do my gift yet.

Oh, it's okay. Thank you so much.

Let's just do it later.

I really appreciate it. Thank you.

I feel really bad about the come thing because I didn't know, and I blacked out.

And I'm really sorry. Helen?

I really didn't mean it, Andi. It's fine.

I felt bad, so I'm really sorry.

It's all good. Okay.

And I also left my van at the bar, so we need to get it and I was wondering maybe if you wanna ride, kinda get out of here...

I would love to get the f*ck outta here. I'm gonna go, okay?

Okay, I love you. Love you.

I love you guys too.

Okay. It's okay.

You know what, he's like a really good dad.

He's really good to you.

Yeah.

What did you do?

I'd rather not talk about it right in this very moment.

Okay, or ever, like...

No, I just don't, you know.

I just...

Okay. Okay, okay.

This the first time up here?

Oh, yeah, for me, for sure, yeah.

[Driver] How you liking it?

I'm having a great time. They're...

Honestly, Doug, it's been really rough.

It's just really tense.

We're up here for a bachelorette weekend, and it just...

Things just kinda blew up.

Well, there's a lot to do. It's quiet, obviously.

How long you gonna stay for? The weekend.

Okay, cool.

I'm a sleep-eater.

I'm sorry, what? What do you mean?

It's kind of like sleepwalking, but... instead of just walking, I walk to the kitchen, and I prepare food.

Like actual meals? No, no.

Probably the weirdest thing I ever made was I retiled our entire kitchen out of different colored cookies.

Oh, cool. That's cool.

I made a big mosaic pattern everywhere.

Apparently I took the cookie, got butter, spread it on there, got a fork with the ridges, made little ridges in there, stuck it right on.

I used to be a stone mason, so it comes naturally to me.

Like artwork? Yeah!

Sometimes I eat it, sometimes I leave it.

It's really beautiful how the mind works.

That's your subconscious just really emitting through the physical world.

I think that inside I'm like this struggling artist, and it wants to come out at night.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde or something.

I would love to see like a blog of this.

Do you have like a... was is it, a portfolio?

I've actually got a site. What?

I'll send you a link.

Okay. I mean, you guys aren't talking.

I have a headache. Lu, it's all about you.

Oh, my God. Well, you know what?

Come on. This is... come on. All right, I'm sorry.

There's a lot of tension.

Thanks, Doug, yeah. You're welcome.

Thank you guys.

Great to meet you, dude.

[Doug] Do that survey. Could you, please?

Yeah, five stars all the way, dude.

I really appreciate it, you guys.

[Helen] Let me know if you wanna hang out sometime.

Definitely! Take care. Bye.

That guy was all right.

I'll say that I don't recall my first orgasm.

Just doesn't... I don't know. I have no idea, no answer.

Just probably could have been anything.

Probably was masturbating or something like that.

I do recall that Andi became sexually active much earlier than me.

I was a late bloomer on all fronts, and she would kind of divulge every little detail.

I remember taking note and remembering... those stories.

You know what I'm saying? Remembering.

She might see a girl's boobs, and a girl might also see hers.

That's all it really took back then was hearing something, and to be honest, that's all it really takes now.

I hope my mom doesn't see this.

Whatever. I don't care if she sees it.

I don't know why you would f*ck her when I'm just getting tons of text messages about how f*cking annoyed you are with her.

Like is that the solution, just putting your d*ck in her to shut her up?

I was wrong.

She's a nice person.

She's going through a rough time.

Everybody is a nice person.

Everybody is going through a rough time.

Is everybody? Yes!

Actually I do think most people are not bad people.

They just do shitty things, like having sex with their best friend's future sister-in-law.

I thought that she was divorced.

Or getting a divorce.

And I thought you knew.

Well, we didn't know.

That's not my fault.

No, actually, it's not your fault.

Maybe communication was just bad.

Speaking of which, why are you taking everything out on me?

Why is communication so bad with you in your relationship?

You made it seem like you guys had this open thing going on.

Were you totally unaware of this?

Yeah.

You had no idea?

She was faking it, right?

What am I supposed to do about the fact that she's faking it?

I don't know.

I mean, maybe there's another angle to look at, you know?

Are you a dead fish in the bed?

How dare you accuse me of being a dead fish?

You're always bragging, talking a big game.

That's 'cause I am the liveliest fish you ever met.

I'm splashing all over the place.

I don't know why she didn't tell me.

Maybe it's not her fault. But she didn't tell me.

What, it's my fault?

Maybe. You never considered that?

Uh, well, tell me how it would be my fault if she did not tell me something that I did not know.

Uh, let me put it this way.

You seem to not be aware of everything going on, except for what's easiest for you.

What are you talking about?

Whether you have always chosen to ignore it or you're just completely oblivious, I don't know.

But you seem to have zero awareness that I've just been in love with you for like the last 30 years.

Oh, my God.

Are you really gonna...

Josh! f*ck you!

Do not push this shit on me now! I'm getting married!

I'm not trying to woo you or steal you away.

I'm trying to prove a point.

What are you even... You have no idea.

You ignore whatever's in front of you and just take what's most convenient for you.

And I'm telling you, as a best friend, not as a "you suck."

You understand what I'm saying?

I haven't been trying to mock you.

I haven't been trying to make fun of you.

I'm trying to tell you that this is something, I'm not positive, but to consider.

[children giggling]

You're pulling my hair.

No! No hair pulling. Don't pull her hair!

Hey, you guys, I think we gotta get going.

Okay. Okay.

Okay, but we miss you. Miss you.

Bye. I miss you too.

Aww.

Bye. Bye.

I love you guys.

Hey, Frankie, can you give me a call before you go to bed tonight?

Yeah.

Okay, love you. Kisses!

Bye!

Okay.

Okay. They're okay.

Yeah, yeah, that made me feel better.

[ Helen] Hey, you guys ready to go back?

Or you guys down to clown?

Can we not? I think we need to take a beat.

I just need some space.

All right. I got something I can give ya.

The Vengabus is down to party, huh?

I got you something special for this bachelorette weekend.

Oh, my God. Please say that's weed.

Yeah, it's weed. Oh, my God, yes!

Look at this!

Like King Tut, baby.

Like for real. What is this made out of?

It's real gold, man. I'm just kidding.

You can touch that. You can smoke it.

These are like a 24 karat.

You're really thoughtful.

You brought us like Molly and stuff.

Just like a good mom does. [laughter]

I didn't mean it like that. That's like, uh...

"Don't forget your lunchbox. Don't forget the Molly."

Like, I should've brought that.

Does it taste weird?

I think gold burns your throat.

Oh, shit! It's gonna burn a little bit.

[knocking]

Yeah?

Hey, sweetcakes.

Hey, Andi.

What ya doin'?

This feels like an intervention.

No, we love you, and we miss you.

That makes it feel more like an intervention.

Dude, I haven't seen you in like 10 months.

I know. It's true. Hug.

I was gonna give this to you at brunch, but it didn't seem to be an appropriate time.

The latest issue of The Adventures of Kitty and Pup.

It's a special bachelorette edition Kitty and Pups.

Okay, tell me a story of Kitty and Pup.

Here's what it's about. Twenty years in the making.

Here, you see Pup is saying, "I'm hungry."

Can you believe it? [Andi] He's always hungry.

Yeah, and Kitty's like, "How about tuna?"

And he goes, "Oh, okay."

Then there's a tuna fish there, and it says, "I'm dead. Eat me."

Kitty is like, "Oh, more tuna, please,"

'cause the cook is really good.

"Holy cow, that chef.

I can't get her out of my kitty-cat mind."

And then she's thinking about the chef, then they hit it off, and then they're just gonna have that tuna forever.

Pup is like, "I like tuna too," and he tries to eat it, but he puts it in his eye instead of his mouth.

Sweet of you.

It's gonna be fine.

Okay.

The situation right here?

What is going on, dude?

Um.

Female orgasm techniques.

[Kárin] Is the G-spot the same for everyone?

Definitely, I don't... No, definitely not.

Every woman, I find it in different places.

This isn't gonna be helpful for you.

Let's go get some tea, huh? You get a suit on.

We're gonna read this downstairs.

Got a little surprise for you.

Come on, guys. Here we go.

That was nice. Yeah, they're good.

Adam's a good guy. They seem really happy.

So you're getting a D?

No. I don't know. Maybe.

It looks that way, but I don't know, 'cause he's seeing somebody.

Oh, no! Who? Who the f*ck is he seeing?

I've been lonely, but he's seeing somebody.

He's seeing... Do you remember Diane, his ex?

Yeah, she's nuts.

And she's got fake boobs. Come on.

And she's five years younger than me.

She goes tanning. She goes tanning?

She goes tanning. Okay, see ya.

Her name's Diane? Yeah.

And she goes tanning? Yeah.

[laughter]

Hello, it's me, Diane Sawyer.

I'm gonna go tanning with my fake tits.

He's taking that to the bone zone?

What? What?

He's taking that chick to the bone zone?

Okay, so Josh makes sense.

I mean, not really, but...

I see the emotional journey, just not the choice.

I guess he is the only guy.

He's the only guy here, so... No. I'm sorry.

Doesn't it feel better that you told me, the way you're talking?

You can't leave stuff bottled up inside.

You really can't.

Guess I'm one to talk. You're right, if I would, if I would... well.

Are you okay?

Mm-mmm.

What's wrong with me? Like, am I broken?

No, you're not broken. No.

Clearly something's wrong.

I think it's a totally normal thing, and maybe you just...

What if like, as soon as I come, I become Beyoncé or something?

[laughs]

That's a start right here.

All the sudden, I'm just like ah-ah-ah, and there's like all these girls behind me.

Everywhere I go, I'm dancing.

[laughing] You did it!

What if those girls shot out of your puss when you came?

And then you created this Beyoncé marching band.

It'd be like five, six, seven, eight!

You know those little dinosaurs you put in water and then they grow?

And they expand? Yeah!

But it's those girls that sh**t outta your puss.

[laughing]

Backup dancers. Wow.

Beyoncé's like smoking gold.

Beyoncé only smokes gold.

♪ All I smoke is gold ♪

♪ All I, all I smoke is gold ♪ Did you make that up?

Yeah, she's smokin' gold.

♪

It's all about your breath, okay.

You've gotta like sync the breath with the rhythm.

Like how? And the body.

It's the physical, it's the emotional, it's the spiritual.

Do guys, too?

What? Have to do that, too?

Yeah. Bro, we have stuff to talk about, if you don't realize.

You get a boner from a brass instrument.

Yeah, tromboner. You don't worry about that.

The only reason that I was taking trombone lessons is because you went through a ska phase, which you should be embarrassed about.

I'm not embarrassed. I'm not embarrassed.

Maybe I just missed the way things were or something.

I miss you. No.

You just wanted to have sex with Josh.

And that was the way things were.

I just miss you.

I miss you too.

I've been thinking about something.

And I don't want you to take this the wrong way, because you know that I love you and I'm not trying to tell you that you're a bad person.

But what I've been thinking about is that...

I think that Lu is probably thinking about you when you guys are having sex.

What else should she be thinking about?

Herself and what makes her feel good.

I think that you just need to make her feel like safe.

[speaking native language]

[continues speaking native language]

You know, you'll go to hell, otherwise.

I come from a Middle Eastern family, and orgasms don't exist in the Middle East.

They're not allowed to, so, um, you know, as far as I know, out loud, I've never had one of those.

Yeah, didn't have one. Probably will never have one.

I'm a pretty good, good woman. I'm a good woman.

Yeah, I mean, growing up, I couldn't actually have sex without it being this really like painful, intense thing.

It had to be like really kind of like this intense thing

'cause in a way I was reliving things that a lot of women live, unfortunately.

But I've totally reclaimed that now.

When I get up onstage, it's like, that's like I own that platform.

I get up, there's no nerves there.

It's like here I am, this is what I am, and there's this total control.

It's like this, I own it.

So in the bedroom, I'm sort of getting there.

It's so weird that I can get up and just be like totally owning my sexuality.

And I'm like, "Aah!" And everybody's like, "Yeah!"

And you're like, "Uhh!"

But then in the bedroom, I'm like, "Oh, like that's vulnerable."

Oh, my God.

I was with this person, and they were just like, "I'm gonna do this to you and that to you, and I'm gonna do this and don't make a sound."

And I was thinking, "What the f*ck?

That's what I do. I make sounds."

I gotta breathe through this. I'm not gonna come if I don't breathe through this.

It was so crazy 'cause I felt so safe that I just grabbed her neck.

"Don't f*cking tell me not to breathe."

And I was like, "Whoa! It happened!"

They were doing it in like a fun way.

It was like this snake that came out of me.

This like, I don't know...

[imitating expl*si*n]

And I just like turned into this like powerful beast.

[Helen] Rough ride.

What's up? How's this pool party going?

Hey, babe. Hi!

Hello.

[Helen] Hey, sorry about that scare, but I think it's pool time, baby.

We got snacks?

Gimme a kiss. [Kárin] Get in your swimsuits.

[Josh] Come on! Okay, get in your swimsuit.

♪

♪ I'm so happy y'all are in the tub ♪

♪ All of you in the tub ♪

♪ You, my friend ♪

[giggling]

Thanks for listening.

What? Thank you!

Don't push that in there 'cause we'll get electrocuted.

No, it's battery operated. There's no source of power.

I don't buy it!

"Mind Over Heart"!

"Mind Over Your Heart"! Please!

♪ [somber]

This sounds hilarious.

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Put your head down ♪

♪ On my lap ♪

♪ Let me see you reach for the edge ♪

♪ And then crack ♪

♪ 'Cause I assure you ♪

♪ To hold you in the depths of your dread ♪

♪ As I assure too ♪

♪ But I prefer you when you find ♪

♪ A way to transcend it ♪

♪ 'Cause your shadows ♪

♪ Sweep across the rooms in my head ♪

♪ I'm still in the room behind the door ♪

♪ Oh, what you initially said ♪

♪ 'Cause you know ♪

♪ You put your mind over your ♪

♪ Over your heart ♪

♪ You put your mind over your ♪

♪ Over your heart ♪

♪ You put your mind over your heart, you said ♪

♪ You lose the love you found, you said ♪

♪ You lose the love that you felt initially ♪

♪ And when you hide it away ♪

♪ Away ♪

♪ Sets off the alarms ♪

♪ The alarms, the alarms ♪

♪ And when you ♪

♪ When you're hiding away ♪

♪ How it tires me ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm always holding space ♪

♪ For our love, For our love ♪

♪ For our love. ♪

Wait, let me focus on you.

[giggles]

[moaning]

Did you just... come?

No? Andi...

What? I... It's fine.

I mean, you don't have to stop.

I mean...

[sighs]

I can't help it.

Sorry.

I kinda think...

I'm so worried about my nieces. I feel like...

You're totally avoiding the issue right now.

Could we just actually, like, talk about it?

Yeah.

Um...

I'm... sorry.

I don't understand why you just didn't tell me.

I don't know, I don't know. I almost did and then I didn't.

And I'm sorry, and...

You've been with a lot of girls and I've only... you know, you're my first girl, and this is the best sex I've ever had, for sure.

But I've always had this problem, and I just, I thought maybe it would go away.

I thought, like, eventually...

How's it supposed to go away if I don't even know about it?

I don't know. I thought maybe it's something that happens.

I know it's really lame like how it came out and everything, but it's out now, and I feel kind of relieved.

Yeah, well, I'm glad one of us is relieved.

Andi, that's not fair.

I guess we have to fix this.

I just need to fix it, that's it.

Or what?

Or what? We'll break up?

Again? [sighs]

I guess.

What?

I just... am worried that if you're hiding this from me, I don't know what else you're hiding.

I'm not hiding anything else from you, I swear.

I swear.

I care that everybody says that I'm like the type of person who doesn't make you feel safe.

You don't make me feel safe.

Well, that doesn't feel good for me to hear.

Like, you're not easy to talk to.

You're really not.

It is not my job to make you speak up for yourself when I don't even know there are things you want to speak.

That's called being an adult!

It's called standing up for yourself!

It's called growing the f*ck up!

This is exactly why I don't tell you anything.

[sighs]

[Josh] It all tastes, you know, eye-squinty to me.

When you drink it, do your eyes squint?

It makes my eyes squint. Because you don't like it?

[Josh] Yeah.

Who was that? It's Lu.

She just left?

She leave something in the car?

I don't think she left something in the car.

Babe? [knocking]

You okay?

Can you just give me a minute?

♪ [somber]

Hey.

Nikki, I don't know if this is gonna work out.

She told me to grow up and like learn how to stick up for myself or say what I need.

So I just ran away like a f*cking...

dork.

[sighs]

I mean, maybe... maybe she's not the one.

But I think maybe you shouldn't get married.

I don't know.

I can't answer that for you.

But I know she loves you.

[whimpers]

And she's right. You need to...

Don't take this the wrong way. She's right.

You need to be able to tell her what you need.

I can't talk to her.

I don't know. Or to anybody, really, I guess.

It takes so much to just... like I have to like puff myself up, and then it just feels like I'm being lame or something.

Like, why can't I just let everything roll off my back?

Or, I don't know, I just wanted there to be no...

Drama? Yeah.

I just like everything to be chill.

With Adam, you know, I...

I cheated on him with this guy that didn't mean anything to me because...

What?

Yeah, I mean, he...

Not Josh.

No, I mean, the reason why we separated is because I was with this other guy.

Nikki. Yeah, I know, I know.

Just listen.

Um...

He came on to me really strongly and was giving me this attention that I hadn't got from Adam in a long time.

And instead of asking him for more and telling him what I wanted, what I needed from him, I...

I went and... now I've lost Adam, and that's, you know...

And I just don't want that to happen to you.

I want you to be with the person that you love and be able to get the things that you want and that you need from them.

Don't be a f*ck-up like me. [laughs]

That's the goal. [laughs]

Yeah.

You want some space? You want me to stay?

No, go ahead. I...

I need some more running water sounds in my life.

You mean like a Zen meditation retreat in the woods.

I might need one of those little plug-in things that you can get at the airport.

Okay.

Um, so I was pretty young when I found out about orgasms.

We didn't call them that, though.

My friends and I, we were 8, and we'd call it "getting the feeling."

Around like the same time, I was also 8 and, um...

And you... you don't want to admit that that f*cked you up, and you don't wanna... you don't wanna be affected.

You want to be stronger than letting it f*ck you up.

But in high school, when all my friends were hooking up and having sex, I wasn't.

I came up with a lot of excuses, like I'm not pretty, boys aren't interested, but the truth is that I was just really, really scared.

And so when I finally had sex for the first time, I really hated it, and it really hurt.

It hurt a lot.

It made me feel like I was just some vessel for someone else to get off on.

It took me a really long time, and it wasn't until I met this guy.

We were a terrible couple. Really bad.

We would just get high as f*ck and then like have sex all night long.

But he made me feel really safe.

He gave me the freedom to like move against him in a way that felt really good for me.

And when I finally came for the first time, he like lifted off me and was like, "Oh, my God!

I've never had a girl just like go for it like that."

And we kinda laughed, but he thought it was really, really hot.

And that made me feel even safer.

Definitely the worst relationship ever, but it gave me...

It just... I learned more about myself and how to be me.

♪

[sighs]

[fire crackling]

How's Lu?

Not good.

I think we just, we f*cked the weekend.

Yeah, it wasn't a bad weekend, per se.

I would just go ahead and say it was kinda bad.

[laughs]

People were having fun in the pool.

No, it wasn't all bad. You're right.

I stayed in the pool too long.

It just now seems like it's...

I feel like you guys should ease up on yourselves a little.

These were their problems, and actually this is great.

Now they have to talk about it.

All right, now I feel totally better.

Good.

You know what? Can I be honest? I actually had that observation, but I didn't feel like it was my place to make it.

You're right. It was not your place to make it.

I feel great now.

We can get this weekend back on track.

Yeah, we pushed those problems right through.

Yeah, now they're just like face to face.

You're welcome. [laughs]

Happy weekend!

Happy weekend.

Yeah, maybe bad timing, but I don't know.

It's better than like, much later, I guess.

They have no idea what we're talking about.

They're in the zone. They can't hear me.

[laughing]

I don't know where the f*ck I am.

Hey, babe.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi.

Well, what did I miss?

I don't know.

Nothing.

How you doing?

Better.

What? Is someone here?

Someone order a pizza?

What? No.

Oh, hey, Doug!

What's up? Hey, somebody invited Doug.

Where are you going?

Listen, um...

I'm very sorry.

I just spent the last 20 minutes up in the room, thinking about things, and I don't know how to fix this.

Um, obviously, I'm selfish.

I'm a total assh*le.

I don't make you feel safe.

I kind of feel like the real big problem right now is me.

And so, yeah, I think that I should go.

No! No!

No, I love you, you love me.

We're in this together. You're not going anywhere, okay?

If I can't make you feel good, why do you even love me?

Shut up! Listen! I'm talking to you, okay?

We don't need to fix it.

We don't need to fix it right now.

We're gonna work it out, okay?

Yes, you're a bitch, okay?

You're a f*cking bitch, and we're gonna get f*cking married and have the rest of our lives to figure this shit out.

We're gonna have kids, and they're gonna have problems, and we're gonna be there for them too, okay?

This is just one speed bump in life, and we're gonna have so many more, and they're gonna be about more than just orgasms, okay?

And trust, they're gonna be about... I don't even know!

f*cking, our dog dying, or I don't know.

You want us to have a dog? We're gonna get a dog!

We're gonna talk about that, okay?

I really want one, a medium-sized one, all right?

I promise this is nothing, and we... we're it.

Please, just...

I love you so much.

[sobbing]

[laughs]

I'm so snotty. Yeah, you are.

I never saw you like that before.

Do you like it?

Can you hear me now? I'm talking!

I'm telling you how I feel!

[laughs]

This is cool. [laughing]

This is not how I usually am.

I like that side of you, Andi.

It's really cool to see you open up like that with us.

This is the side of me that you guys like?

It's the softer side. You guys are all f*cking assholes.

Now show me your tits.

We love it!

Oh, no! I forgot about that part.

Is this appropriate anymore?

Yeah, I thought when I admitted it, it would be the worst thing in the world.

I just... It just was, I don't know.

I just was so scared of that moment.

But it wasn't that bad.

It's actually better now because there's honesty, and there's also this potential world that we haven't even discovered yet.

I haven't.

Um, my first orgasm is still TBD.

But it hasn't happened yet.

Hasn't happened yet!

[laughs]

And that's all good.

And yeah, everyone's just waiting, you know.

No pressure. Just...

I'll let everybody know the updates.

[laughing]

Um, and, yeah.

♪ Finally it is happening to me ♪

♪ Right in front of my face ♪

♪ My feelings can't describe it ♪

♪ Meeting Mrs. Right ♪

♪ The girl of my dreams ♪

♪ The one who showed me true love ♪

♪ Or least it seems ♪

♪ With brown cocoa skin ♪

♪ And curly black hair ♪

♪ It's just the way she looks at me ♪

♪ That gentle loving stare ♪

♪ Finally you've come along ♪

♪ The way I feel about you ♪

♪ It just can't be wrong ♪

♪ If you only knew the way I feel about you ♪

♪ I just can't describe it ♪

♪ Oh, no ♪

♪ Finally it is happening to me ♪

♪ Right in front of my face ♪

♪ And I just cannot hide it ♪

♪ Finally it is happening to me ♪

♪ Right in front of my face ♪

♪ My feelings can't describe it ♪

♪ Finally it is happening to me ♪

♪ Right in front of my face ♪

♪ And I just cannot hide it ♪

♪ It seems so many times ♪

♪ You seemed to be the one ♪

♪ But all I ever wanted ♪

♪ Was to have a little fun ♪

♪ But now you've come along ♪

♪ And brightened up my world ♪

♪ In my heart I feel it ♪

♪ I'm that special kind of girl ♪

♪ Finally you've come along ♪

♪ The way I feel about you ♪

♪ It just can't be wrong ♪

♪ If you only knew the way I feel about you ♪

♪ I just can't describe it ♪

♪ Oh, no ♪

♪ Finally it is happening to me ♪

♪ Right in front of my face ♪

♪ My feelings can't describe it ♪

♪ Finally it is happening to me ♪

♪ Right in front of my face ♪

♪ And I just cannot hide it ♪

♪ Finally it is happening to me ♪

♪ Right in front of my face ♪

♪ My feelings can't describe it ♪

♪ ["All I Smoke is Gold"]

♪ [rap]