04x08 - Brother, Can You Spare That Jacket?

[bunniefuu]

♪ Thank you for being a friend

♪ Traveled down the road and back again

♪ Your heart is true

♪ You're a pal and a confidante

♪ And if you threw a party

♪ Invited everyone you knew

♪ You would see the biggest gift would be from me

♪ And the card attached would say

♪ "Thank you for being a friend" ♪

Who's the letter from, Ma?

Joanne Pescatore.

She's coming to Miami for a visit.

Joanne Pescatore?

Didn't she own that candy store down the street in Brooklyn?

That was Jeanette Passadano.

Oh.

Then who was Joanne Pescatore?

How the hell should I know?

This letter's for Rose.

Ma, why are you reading Rose's mail?

Because all you got were bills.

Listen to this part at the end.

Tell me if you think Joanne's a lesbian.

Ma.

Hi, Sophia.

Hi, Dorothy.

Guess what I've got.

A friend who's a lesbian?

Better.

I picked up our weekly lottery tickets.

Oh, girls, it's been such a glorious day.

All afternoon I was in the mood for leather and I finally found exactly what I wanted.

Fine, Blanche.

Just make sure his motorcycle doesn't block the driveway.

Can we save the chitchat for later?

If we hit the jackpot, I wanna live long enough to spend it.

What jackpot?

I picked up our lottery tickets.

Here we go.

I forget.

How does this go again?

To win something, you have to get three to match?

Right.

If you get three coconuts, you win $100.

What if you get three palm trees?

You don't have three palm trees.

That means you win $10,000.

Ma, I know what a palm tree looks like.

You also know what a handsome doctor looks like.

It doesn't mean you've got one.

Sophia, she's right.

Three palm trees.

$10,000.

Oh, my God.

We just won $10,000.

$10,000!

I don't believe it!

$10,000!

Split four ways, that's almost $2,000 apiece.

(all three)

Almost.

Where are you going, Ma?

To order that cherry red tricycle with the grocery bag sidecar.

Don't laugh.

You ride one past a shuffleboard court, you got old guys coming out of your hair.

$10,000!

God, life is beautiful!

Now I don't feel so guilty about spending all that money on this leather jacket.

Blanche, I don't mean to be a party pooper, but it looks like they sold you a jacket that someone returned.

It's kind of b*at-up.

No, Rose, that's the way it's supposed to look.

It's an aviator jacket.

And now I can afford some accessories for it.

Like a purse?

Like an aviator.

Here, let's just put that lucky ticket in my jacket pocket for safekeeping till tomorrow.

I think we ought to go out to dinner to celebrate.

What a great idea.

I'll go freshen up.

Me too.

I'll get my purse.

Where's everybody going?

Out to dinner.

Go get ready, Ma.

I am ready.

(doorbell rings)

I'm always ready.

You do that at 82.

That, and carry hard candy.

Hi, I'm Dave from Lincoln Hospital.

That's nice.

If my blood pressure goes up, you'll be the first person I call.

No, wait!

I'm from the thriftshop.

Somebody called about donating some old stuff.

Oh, yeah, right.

These boxes over here.

Oh, wait a minute.

This b*at-up old thing must be for you too.

Thanks.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

OK, let's go celebrate.

I think we should order champagne.

And caviar.

Yahoo!

We're rich!

It has to be here somewhere.

It's not in the laundry room closet.

It's not in my bedroom, but I knew I didn't hang it there.

I am positive you left it on the couch.

We gotta find that jacket.

It's driving me crazy.

All right.

I wasn't gonna say anything, but since it's kinda my fault, I'll pay for a new jacket out of my share.

What do you mean it's kinda your fault?

Do you know where the jacket is?

What did you do with it, Ma?

Stand back.

I know how to use this thing.

Spill it, Ma.

I'm scared.

I'll do anything you say.

Where is the jacket, Ma?

I gave it to the guy from the thriftshop.

You what?

Let's go.

We've got to get down there before they sell it.

What's the big deal?

It's only a crummy old jacket.

We put the winning lottery ticket in the pocket.

Start the engine and open the door.

I'll jump in at the bottom of the driveway.

Uh, excuse me, sir.

We are looking for a leather jacket that got mixed up with a box of clothes we donated.

It was a terrible mistake.

It was not a terrible mistake.

It was a regular mistake.

A terrible mistake is when you forget that A Different World follows Cosby.

Oh, I remember you.

I just picked that stuff up a couple of hours ago.

Then it's still here?

It must be.

I just put it out.

Uh, Michael decided to take this.

Dorothy, that's our jacket.

Do something.

I'm sorry, Rose.

I left my flamethrower in my other purse.

Here, let me handle this.

Listen here, mister.

I would like to have a word with you.

I paid good money for that jacket and before you walk out of here with it, why, there's something I want to say to you.

What?

The zipper sticks a little.

Pardon me.

Excuse me, sir.

Would it be possible for me to try that jacket on?

Just for a minute.

Uh, no time, ma'am.

Michael has to get to the concert.

Look, if you don't mind, I would like to see this Michael.

You and the rest of Miami.

Sorry.

The entire engagement is sold out.

Michael!

Do you know who that is?

Sure.

The guy from the Pepsi commercials.

Pepsi commercia...

Michael?

Oh, my God!

That's Michael J.

Fox!

Please can we talk to you for just a minute?

Michael, it's very important.

We won't bother you.

Michael!

Yes, yes, that's right.

It was a winning ticket, but we gave the jacket away.

Well, thank you.

Thank you very much.

Yes, I'll tell 'em.

I'm sure they'll appreciate it.

Bye.

What did he say?

He said he was in total agreement.

It's a miscarriage of justice and we deserve the money.

Oh!

That's great.

He also told me I'd called his Chinese restaurant instead of the Lottery Commission.

Oh.

He felt so bad, he's giving us free egg rolls the next time we come in.

Oh, what's the difference?

It's over.

If we don't have the ticket, we can't claim the prize.

Sophia, are you all right?

You haven't said a word in hours.

Oh, I'm fine.

I was thinking about what I'd planned with my share of the winnings.

I wanted to get each one of you something special for being so kind and allowing a lonely old woman to live with you.

Oh, Sophia.

Maybe if we went to a movie it'd make us feel better.

Can we afford it?

Oh, come on, now.

This is ridiculous.

We are not poor.

We thought we had $10,000 and now we don't, but we're no better or worse off than we were 24 hours ago.

If that was a pep talk, it stunk.

Look at this.

There's a celebrity auction to benefit the homeless and they're selling a leather jacket worn by a major rock star at his concert last night.

Let me see.

What?

Oh, I don't believe it.

This is it.

This has to be it.

Come on, let's get going.

We can't go to a charity event like this.

The auction started 20 minutes ago.

I'm right behind you.

Hey, those gifts I was talking about, they were more tokens of affection than actual gifts, you know?

They're cheap?

Just so everyone understands the ground rules.

OK, let's roll.

The bid's 900.

900 once, 900 twice, sold for $900.

Congratulations.

And now, moving along to item number 17.

A leather jacket recently worn in concert by one of the world's leading musical talents.

Get ready.

This is it.

I have a really dumb question.

And I have a box of Chiclets.

What's your point?

How high do we bid?

High.

High.

I mean, even if it costs us $1,000, we'll still have $9,000 left.

But don't start that high.

We might get it for a couple of hundred.

We'll start at $100 and see how it goes.

OK, OK, OK.

And now, may I have an opening bid, please?

10,000.

Excuse me?

$10,000.

10,000 once, 10,000 twice, sold for $10,000.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you so much.

Would you mind if I said a few words to the audience?

For ten grand they should let him shower with the audience.

I guess now I'll never get to fly on the Concorde.

I'll never get to buy that emerald pendant to dangle between my perky bosoms.

And I'll never get to buy perky bosoms.

But what the hell.

Nothing else perks on this body.

Hey.

Maybe we can get the jacket for just a minute and grab the ticket out of the pocket.

That's a great idea.

I bet I could use a little friendly persuasion on that gentleman.

Persuasion?

This isn't for dinner at the Rainbow Room, this is for ten big ones.

Give him whatever he wants.

Sorry.

I guess I just didn't realize how much I wanted that money.

Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm congressman Philip Starr and I've recently been accused of being insensitive to the homeless.

Well, I think tonight's sizeable cash contribution should lay those accusations to rest.

He doesn't even care about the jacket.

Sweet Jesus, it's a miracle.

This is gonna be easy.

Well, don't take any chances.

Sleep with him anyway.

Sorry.

And as a symbolic gesture to underscore my concern, I've done something very special tonight.

In addition to my sizeable donation, I've just dispatched my top aide to one of many shelters in our community with the jacket I've just purchased.

May it provide warmth and comfort to one of our city's homeless.

(applause)

We're screwed.

Are you sure we're in the right place?

Mission Street Shelter for the indigent and homeless.

This is where they said they sent the jacket.

Kinda drab, isn't it?

Blanche, it's a shelter, not the flagship of the Hilton chain.

Kinda reminds me of the Shady Pines Retirement Home, except here the lights in the exit sign work.

What's our plan?

What is this?

Mission: Impossible?

Do I look like Peter Graves?

You could if you'd put a rinse in your hair and wear a lighter shade of lipstick like I beg...

Here, I'll tell you what our plan is.

Now, there's $10,000 at stake.

To find that jacket and get that ticket we will lie, cheat, thr*aten and steal if we have to...

Oh, hello.

Anybody got a backup plan?

I'm sorry.

I didn't know anyone was here.

I was just locking up.

Father, we desperately need your help.

Frankly, I'm not sure we have enough beds, but you're welcome to stay.

Oh, we don't want to stay...

Oh, yes, we do.

We have to, but just for one night.

No need to be embarrassed.

We're not here to judge you, we're here to keep you safe and warm till morning.

Let me get some pillows.

I'll be right back.

This is insane.

I'm not leaving here without that jacket.

I'm with Blanche.

We've come this far.

After we get inside, we can split up and look for it.

Here are your pillows.

The blankets are on the beds and lights out's in just a few minutes.

The beds are right through here.

Are you gonna tie a bow on that when you've finished wrapping it up?

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to disturb you.

I'm a bit compulsive.

It's the Minnesota farm girl in me.

You're from Minnesota?

Yes.

No kidding?

So am I.

Well, what a coincidence.

Isn't that amazing?

St.

Olaf.

Ben Wheaton.

Pleased to meet you.

Oh, no, my name is Rose Nylund.

I come from St.

Olaf.

Oh, I should've known that you weren't a saint.

It's too much to expect a miracle this late in the game.

What happened?

Oh, bedtime, Rose.

Does that mean we can't talk anymore?

No, they just like you to stay in your beds.

Oh, darn.

What?

I didn't get to brush my teeth.

I know how you feel.

I always make sure I brush after every meal.

You wouldn't happen to have a meal on you, would you?

What are you staring at?

Your purse.

You just be careful, son.

There is a long list of men who bear the scars of trying the wrong thing at the wrong time with me.

Scars, I might add, that are not visible to the general public.

I thought you might have a piece of gum.

Oh.

Well, I might.

You want me to take a look?

Forget it.

Listen, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to snap at you like that.

I'm just a little uncomfortable here.

Helps if you stuff newspapers under the mattress.

That's not what I meant.

I was talking about being here at the shelter.

This is your first time?

Oh, lord, it's been ages since I heard that from a man.

Yes, it is my first time.

I can give you a few pointers if you like.

Now, that I've never heard before.

Are you comfortable, Ma?

Oh, yeah.

Before we leave, I wanna get the model number off this cot.

I'm hoping Ethan Allen makes one in knotty pine.

Ma, try to make the best of it, OK?

We're gonna be here for a while.

I don't think Blanche or Rose spotted the jacket either.

I don't believe it.

That's Ida Perkins.

What?

That's Ida Perkins.

What the hell is she doing here?

Were you kidding me about being from Minnesota?

Absolutely not.

I spent 22 years working the prime noon-to-eight shift at the Minneapolis Excelsior Hotel.

I don't believe it.

Where did you live in Minneapolis?

Oh, 22 years, lots of places, but my last home was near Bartholomew and Third.

Oh, that's a lovely neighborhood.

Why did you leave?

Well, I liked to entertain a lot, but the cardboard box I was living in was only suitable for small dinner parties.

Breakfast is cereal and coffee.

They ask for a quarter, but if you don't have it, no one makes a fuss.

Just make sure you get there early.

A lot of times they run out.

Well, lovely as that sounds, Kenny, I usually skip breakfast.

When you reach 45, you have to keep an eye on your figure, if you know what I mean.

Blanche, who do you think you're fooling?

Oh, all right.

48.

That's not what I mean.

What are you doing in this place?

You don't belong here.

I most certainly do.

Hey, hey, it's OK.

I'm just curious.

See, I don't belong here either.

You don't?

No.

I'm in graduate school.

I'm here undercover, working on my doctorate in sociology.

I knew it.

I knew it!

The minute we started talking, I said to myself: "Now, how could a bright boy like him end up here?" You're more like my own son than you are like those people you see stopping strangers for spare change.

Oh, well, that explains it all.

Now I feel much better.

So you're really a student working on your doctorate.

I'm really an alcoholic who needs a place to sleep.

What?

It's true.

I've already got my doctorate.

We had some great times at the home, didn't we, Ida?

We sure did.

Dorothy, Ida was the best, bar none, at faking an angina att*ck at dinner so we could swap our nonfat yogurt for real sour cream.

There wasn't a patient at Shady Pines that didn't bless Ida every time we sat down to eat a baked potato.

When did you leave the home, Mrs.

Perkins?

Maybe a year now.

I don't really keep track.

Well, what made you decide to leave?

Decide?

Some things in life you never get to decide.

Some things just happen.

What happened, Ida?

I didn't know - nobody told me - that it cost money to get old.

I just figured that was one thing you'd get for free.

It isn't.

The home cost money, the doctors cost money, medicine costs money.

You know, I always thought it was sad I outlived my whole family, but I never knew it was going to be a punishment.

The hotel business started to slump.

Hundreds of people got laid off.

I went looking for work, but believe it or not, most businesses aren't anxious to train a 55-year-old black hotel porter.

Go figure it, huh?

It's all about pressure from family, from professors, from friends.

No room to slide.

Have to be perfect.

Guess what, Blanche.

I'm not perfect.

So they sent me a letter.

The money was gone.

I asked for some help.

They gave me some phone numbers.

The streets were cold in Minnesota.

It took me nearly three months, but I finally made it to Miami.

I...

Will you listen to me, just running on?

Tell you what, you tell me your sad story over breakfast.

Good night.

I couldn't survive out there, but I'm learning to survive here.

Which reminds me, hold on to that purse.

I didn't really want any gum.

I wander now.

I don't decide anything anymore.

I wait for things to happen.

Time to look for the jacket.

I guess so.

Let's split up.

(♪ "Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?" by EY Harburg and Jay Gorney)

♪ They used to tell me

♪ I was a building a dream

♪ With peace and glory ahead

♪ Why should I be standing in line

♪ Just waiting for bread?

♪ Once I built a rainbow

♪ Made it run

♪ Made it race against time

♪ Once I built a railroad

♪ Now it's done

♪ Brother, can you spare a dime?

Ida, I know it's rough by yourself.

I count my blessings that I have my Dorothy to look after me, but you can't give up.

People care.

They really do.

Good people won't let this kind of suffering go on.

You just gotta hang in there till tomorrow.

Sophia, it is tomorrow.

I found it.

(door opens)

Good morning.

Here you go, Padre.

Thanks for everything.

♪ Brother, can you spare a dime?