Heartbreak Kid, The (1972)

Required high school reading you'd rather read the movie script. Movie Collection.

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Heartbreak Kid, The (1972)

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Don't you know you've got to hang in there ♪

♪ and it's rough, I know 'cause I've been there ♪

♪ life throws us in ♪

♪ you'll soon be safe and sound ♪

♪ and you can rest ♪

♪ but till then ♪

♪ keep your smile glued on tight ♪

♪ you'll be all right ♪

♪ you're going far ♪



Oh, pizza!

How did you know?

♪ You'll be all right ♪

♪ you're goin' far ♪

Lenny, don't. Why?

I don't want you to.

Yes, you do.

Can't you wait ten more days?

Can't you?

But nobody waits anymore.

Nobody does.

I'm waiting.

Our God, and God of our fathers, bless Leonard Allen Cantrow... and Lila Ina Kolodny... as they unite their lives on this day.

Do you promise to love, to honor and to cherish her...

In good fortune and in adversity?

- If so, answer "I do." I do.

And do you, Lila, take Leonard to be your husband?

Behold. Behold.

- I, Lila, take thee, Leonard, I, Lila, take thee, Leonard, ...with this ring... With this ring...

- To be my husband. To be my husband.

May then, the Lord grant you his most precious of gifts:

Happiness and peace. Amen.

Amen. Amen.

We now declare you, Leonard and Lila, husband and wife.



If I don't get a chance to give you this--

Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.

Where are you going on your honeymoon? Miami beach.

Thank you. Thank you.

Hello, my daughter.

♪ Hava nagilah hava nagilah ♪

♪ Hava nagilah vaynis m'chah ♪

Whee! ♪ Hava n'ranena ♪

♪ Hava n'ranena ♪

♪ Hava n'ranena vaynis m'chah ♪

Miami beach, here we come! Beach, here we come!

We're coming, Miami beach! Miami beach, here we come!

Here we come, Miami beach!

♪ They long to be close to you ♪

♪ just like me they long to be close to you ♪

♪ someone's in the kitchen with Dinah ♪

♪ someone's in the kitchen I know ♪

♪ someone's in the kitchen with Dinah strummin' on the old banjo ♪

♪ and singing Fe fi fiddley-I-o ♪ ♪ Fe fi fiddley-I-o ♪

♪ Fe fi fiddley-I-o-o-o ♪

♪ Fe fi fiddley-I-o ♪

♪ o ♪

You have a lousy voice.

You're just gonna have to get used to it for the next 40 or 50 years.

Forty or fifty years?

♪ Strummin' on the old banjo ♪

♪ strummin' on the old banjo and singing-- ♪

Lenny? What?

Do you love me?

Yes, I do.

You know it, honey.

Honey, don't do this. I can't shift if you do that.

Honey, don't, don't. Don't do this, honey.

It's dangerous. Go ahead, go back over to the other side.


I just have to be able to shift, honey.

Lenny? Huh?

Look! What are you doing?

Come on, put that down! Nobody can see.

Truck drivers can see! Guys driving trucks can look down and see!

What's wrong with it? We're married! Come on!

What do you mean, we're married?

You're married to me. You're not married to the truck drivers.

Wait till Virginia.

We almost got k*lled. That car shot in front of us.

Is it all right, Lenny? Huh? Is it?

Is it what you thought it would be like?

It's exactly, it's exactly what I thought it would be like.

Exactly? Exactly or better?

Better! Much better than I thought it would be like.

Honey, don't talk now. We'll talk later.

Are you glad we waited?

Are you, Lenny?

Say it.

I'm glad we waited.

Now we have the rest of our lives.

Forty, fifty, sixty, a hundred years.

Hon, don't make little circles on my chest, okay?

Hmm? I like to.

I know you like to. I have an incredibly sensitive chest, though.

I'll make little squares.

No, really, come on. Nothing, stupid chest.

I'll just blow on it.

Come on.

Okay, okay.


Are you gonna be grouchy for the next 50 years?

Where are you going? Pee-pee.

Oh, God!

I'm sorry. That's funny.

I didn't mean it.

Are you gonna eat a milky way? Mm-hmm.

Gonna have a milky way now? Yep.


You want a bite? No, thank you. No, no.

Come on. No, really, thank you.

Come on. No, honey, don't do it.

Don't put a milky way in somebody's mouth when they don't want it.

You'll want it later, and it'll be in my tummy.

Hamburger and a coke, please.

Thank you. And...

Let me see.

I'll have double egg salad on toast.


A, um... "Devil" chocolate shake. Double chocolate shake, right?

You're quiet this morning.

I'm always quiet in the morning.

I never noticed that before.

There's a lot of things you didn't notice about me, and a lot of things I never noticed about you.

Lenny, look.

You wanna see us in 50 years?

That's gonna be us. Isn't it, Lenny?

Excuse me.

Hi. Excuse me.

Thank you. Thank you.

Lenny, you'd tell me if there was something wrong. What, hon?

There's nothing wrong! I'm always quiet in the morning.

You have a little, um-- you have a little-- little egg salad on your face.

Is it off?


- We'll call home tonight, okay? Yeah.

I told mom. Sure.

Mmm, oh, man.

This egg salad's great.

You like it?

Mmm! I'm an egg salad nut.

That's another thing that you're gonna have to get used to.

You want a bite? Huh?

Thank you, no. We oughta get goin' if we're gonna make Georgia.

♪ Just like me they long to be close to you ♪

It's wonderful. Isn't it wonderful?

Tell me. Tell me it's wonderful, Lenny.

It's wonderful.

Say it. I just did.

Say it again. I didn't hear you. I just said it!

How many times you want me to say it?

If you wouldn't keep asking me so much, you would've heard me say it!

It's g*dd*mn wonderful! All right?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I said I'm sorry.

I don't know what's wrong with you. Nothing!

You've been acting this way the whole trip.

I haven't! I've been a little irritable in Georgia.

I was fine in Virginia and Delaware.

I just wanted to know how it felt to you.

It felt really terrific. It's just...

I don't understand why I have to announce it all the time.

You don't have to announce it all the time. Just tell me.

I have to be reassured. What's wrong with that?

It's difficult to give out bulletins in the heat of passion.

You hardly said a word to me all night.

I'm always quiet at night.

You were never quiet before we were married.

We never made love before we were married!

We fooled around a little, but this is all new.

It's all new to me too.

You're gonna have to give me about 40 or 50 years.

Why do you keep saying 40 or 50 years? We're on our honeymoon.

I mean, we're not even out of Georgia yet.

Look at Mr. grouch!

"Mommy, mommy, help me.

I married a grouch."

You all right?


♪ I'd ♪

♪ like to teach ♪ ♪ like to buy-- ♪

♪ the world to sing in perfect harmony ♪

♪ I'd like to buy the world a coke ♪

♪ and keep it company ♪

Hi, Miami beach.

Miami beach, hello!

Here we come, Miami beach!

Paging Max Doogan. Come to the front desk, please.

Thank you very much. Have a nice day.

Thank you, sir. Thank you very much.

♪ Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah ♪

♪ someone's in the kitchen I know ♪

♪ someone's in the kitchen with Dinah strummin' on the old banjo ♪

We go down now, we can get a whole afternoon of sun in.

Wait just two seconds. Just two seconds.

Just two seconds.

Give me, give me two seconds.

Listen, I'll meet you down there, okay?

I'll meet you down in about ten minutes, okay? Okay.

That's my spot.

What? Excuse me?

I said, you're lying in my spot.

This is your spot?

- Everybody knows that. I didn't know--

I just got here. I didn't, uh-- I'll move.

I just got here.

Never mind. Just don't do it again.




Lenny, come on!

Come on! Be right up.

What are you looking at?

No, no.

The sun's hot, honey.

I just wanna get a little tan.

You've already been out an hour. That's a lot the first day.

I know when I've had enough.

Ooh, it's hot! It's hot. You feel like a dip?

You know I can't swim.

You can't swim? I didn't know that.

You did too.

How would I know that? I've never been to the beach with you.


I guess that's another thing you just found out about me.


Oh! I'm so sorry. Did I get you wet?

No, that's okay. I'm really sorry.

That's okay. I didn't mean to.

Who's she?

I don't know.

Is she staying here?

I don't know.

Think she's attractive?


I warned you. Didn't I warn you, Lila?

Didn't I say, "Lila, you're getting too much sun"? Ow!

Didn't I say that?

I just wanted to get a nice tan.

I'm sorry. Well, it's too late now.

You're gonna puff up like a basketball.

Ow, ow, ow. I mean, here it is, our honeymoon.

I thought we would go to the dog races; I thought we would go to jai alai.

I thought we would see some of the big shows in the big hotels.

Instead, we're gonna sit in a hotel room.

Oww! You're gonna puff up. I'm gonna watch television.

I won't puff up.

I'll put some stuff on that stops you from puffing up.

There's no such thing as that!

They haven't invented anything like that! You're gonna puff up!

You're not gonna be a normal person till Wednesday or Thursday.

You could be a little more sympathetic.

I'm going down to the bar for a bottle of beer.

Where are you going?

I'm going down to the bar for a bottle of beer.

When will you be back? When I finish my bottle of beer!

It's our first night in Florida.

What difference what night it is? I'm thirsty!

Turn the television on.

I'll come back after my beer.

How's it goin'?

It's Miami.

I know what you mean.

Here you are, sir. Thank you.

That's my stool.


Did he say you could sit in my stool?

I didn't know it was your stool. Would you like it back?

I'll let you know when I do.

You a guest at this hotel?

Is that what this is?

I just got in today. I'm Len Cantrow.

No kidding?

Can I get you a drink?


Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Come on, Kelly. They're waiting for us.

Reservations were 8:30.

Gonna be on the beach tomorrow?

Oh, yeah, sure.

In the morning?

Yeah, I don't even have breakfast. I just have some juice.

I'll put on my trunks, and I'm down there.

Just make sure you stay off my spot.

Thanks for the nut.

Did you meet anyone at the bar?


I said, did you meet anyone at the bar?

Who would I meet at the bar? There's just a bunch of jerks here.

I don't know. You were gone so long. I thought, maybe-- like you were talking to someone at the bar.

No, they don't even get a crowd until midnight. I was, I was alone.

I put cream on.

It doesn't hurt so much anymore.

Maybe tomorrow I could sit in the shade with you for a while?

No! You stay out of the shade.

I mean, there are sun rays in the shade.

You have to stay in the room all day tomorrow.

What'll you do?

I'll, I'll hang around the beach. I'll look at the jerks.

There's a lot of paperbacks in the lobby.

Wait! Where are you rushing to?

Nowhere. I'm not rushing anywhere.

Just who would want to spend a beautiful day like this in bed?

Want me to call room service, order you some breakfast or coffee or something?

I can do it myself.

Yeah, call room service, order anything you want.

I'll keep checking with you all day long.

You know something? The best thing I could do is leave you alone...

Because the only thing that's gonna help you is time.

- And cream. Cream and time.


If I look better by tonight, could we go out someplace for dinner?

Absolutely. Anything you wanna do, we're gonna do it, okay?

Anything you want, that's what we'll do.

Just take care of yourself, and I'll, uh-- I'll check with you all day.

The important thing is that I get outta here. I'll leave you alone.

You'll be better off. Really.

Okay? Oh!

Hot! It's so hot out here. You're so lucky you have an air-conditioned room.

It's so hot out here. Okay.

Excuse me.

I'm sorry, excuse me.

He's crazy. He's in such a rush. He's crazy.

I didn't know they allowed Teddy bears on the beach.

I didn't see any signs.

They're not allowed! So just stay off the beach.


Whoa. You are this terrific girl!

You are this terrific-- what a terrific girl you are!

I didn't know Teddy bears could talk.

Hey, where'd you get that laugh?

My father bought it for me.

We're very rich.


Last one to shore buys the cokes.

Hey, wait a minute. Wait a second.

I think I should tell you.

That girl I was with yesterday?

Miss? That girl I was with yesterday is my wife.

I'm on my honeymoon.

I just got married three days ago.

So what else is new?

What else is new?

What else is new?

Minnesota? I mean, what do you want to live... in a dumb place like Minnesota for? What's wrong with Minnesota?

I mean, it's so far from New York.

Well, if you and your cute little wife are ever driving through, stop in and say hello.

Is there another name that goes with Kelly?


Kelly Corcoran. That figures.

A girl like you is gonna have a name like Kelly Corcoran.

What's your cute little wife's name?




Does Lila come when you call her?

No. She's okay.

What's that ring for?

It holds my finger on. I've got leprosy.

That's funny.

I like your hair down. It gives you a Teddy bear look.

Does it bother you if I do that?

You can do anything you like. Anything?

I think you're ready for my test.

Test? You have a test?


Give me your arm.

Just relax.

It's my own special scratch test, only given to certain selective individuals.


Relax your fingers.

Kelly! Come on, honey, it's 3:00. Let's go, huh?

Sure, dad. I'll be there in just a minute. Okay? Go ahead.

I promise. Be right there.

Well, thanks for the coke. Wait a minute.

Where are you going in the middle of a beautiful day? We're checking out.

You're checking out today?

Daddy doesn't like this place. He doesn't like the element you get here.

We're moving to the Jockey Club until Saturday.

Wait a second. I've gotta see you one more time.

I've gotta prove something to myself. We're moving to the Jockey Club.

Can I see you there? Can I meet you for a drink? I'll come over like 7:00.

We're going to the Fontainebleau tonight with some Colorado people.

I could come over. I'll stop over for a drink at 7:00.

What about your cute little wife? It's okay. A drink at 7:00.

Well, if Lila won't let you, you can have my spot on the beach.

But you said we could go out for dinner if the swelling went down.

We are. We're going out for dinner. I already made reservations.

9:00 for two. The best seafood place on the beach.

Just have to have this drink with this old army buddy of mine first, honey.

Imagine running into him on the beach like that.

Is it so important?

Important? He only saved my life. That's all.

He pulled me out of a burning barracks in Louisiana in the middle of the night.

He pulled six of us out... And the captain.

Got a citation.

What's his name?

His name? Wilmer McCrady.

He's a big rednecked jerk when it comes to having a conversation.

But he's a hell of a handy guy to have around if you're gonna need somebody to save your life.

He's a big beer drinker.

I almost didn't even recognize him. Must've put on about 30 pounds.

He's got a charter fishing boat business here. Married.

Three kids. Why, why can't the wives come?

What? To an army reunion?

Honey, are you kidding? Do you know what the language would get like?

This is a very rough guy.

He's always got a toothpick in his mouth.

Look, set your appetite dial for a quarter to 9:00...

For that terrific Florida lobster...

And that yummy yum-yum pecan pie.



You won't forget me? Oh, honey, come on. How can I forget you?

No, I didn't exaggerate.

Would you excuse me?

Bye, dad, I'll be back. Bye.

How'd you get away from your cute little wife?

It's no problem. I can handle that.

I know I wouldn't let you get away with it.

You know, perhaps that's why I'm here.

Uh, scotch.

Here's the deal. The marriage is off.

It was just one of those dumb things i rushed into, like joining the army, except... this time I'm not gonna wait around three years to get out.

I had my doubts in Virginia.

I was pretty sure in Georgia.

You have... really settled things for me in Florida.

I've been waiting for a girl like you all my life.

I just timed it wrong.

Here's the plan. I'm definitely getting out.

I just have to figure a way to let her down easy.

It kinda complicates things, this being our honeymoon and everything, you know?

What do you think about what I've said so far?

I'm just listening.

Can't think if I'm listening.

You have a fantastic way of putting things. It really kills me.

I need some time...

Because it's a little difficult.

I have to figure out a way to drop the bombshell on the poor kid, you know?

When are you gonna go back to Minnesota? Saturday.

Saturday. The day after tomorrow? Uh-huh.

I really have my work cut out for me. There's all the wedding presents.

You just make your own decision. We're leaving on Saturday.

Don't underestimate me. I'm in this all the way. What about you?

Um, I've got to get back to the table.

That look in your eye is good enough for me.

Would you like to come over and say hello?

No, I can't. I gotta get back.

It's all right. I told daddy about you.

You did? About my being married? Not about that yet.

But he's seen me talking to you. Oh, yeah. What does he think?

He hasn't met you yet, but just from appearances, he doesn't like you.

Appearances aren't everything.

Kelly, how long are you gonna be? They're waiting with the lobster bisque.

I was just coming. Daddy, this is Mr. Cantrow.

Cantrow. Hello, sir. A real pleasure.

I'm sorry I detained your daughter. I hope I didn't interrupt your dinner.

Come on, Kelly. Your mother's a nervous wreck.

Daddy, is it all right if Mr. Cantrow joins us for dinner? Please, daddy.

No, no, really, I can't. That's very generous. Thank you very much.

Perhaps some other time we can have dinner together.

Why not? You can drop your bombs later, can't you?

Kelly, he said no. He'll come if I ask him to.

No. I really have a very pressing appointment.

Maybe just a fruit cocktail.

Can you see all right, Kelly? Perfect, daddy.

Fine, sir.


Oh, what a terrific show!

Oh, yes, he is very funny, isn't he?

You like the show, Kelly?

Terrific, daddy. Most enjoyable, sir.

- Oh, Emma. Yes, Charles?

Do you find me unattractively plain?

No, Charles.

I always thought you had a most noble forehead, and a most attractive manner.

We have a subscription to the Minneapolis Symphony.

Don't we, Duane? Is that right, sir?

We had Leonard Bernstein last year.

I must've seen Leonard Bernstein maybe 200, 300 times.

Oh! Listen, if you're ever around Minneapolis, be sure and go and see them.

You'd just love it. I know.

As a matter of fact, I may be heading in that direction in the very near future.

Oh, how nice! Well.

Isn't that nice, Duane?

What business did you say you were in, young man?

Athletic equipment, sir.


Athletic equipment. Sporting goods.

Oh, I see. You mean... you sell balls and bats, huh?

That what you mean, balls and bats?

Last year in this country, over $2 billion were spent on recreation.

Is that right? On balls and bats?

Duane, if we're gonna shove off at 7:00 tomorrow morning, ...we better get in a little bed time. Yes, I guess we better.


No, no. This is on me.

No, no, let me get it.

Captain, can you find our waiter for us, please?

Mr. Cantrow, I hope we meet again very soon.

Cantrow, mother. I'm sorry.

And you'll be seeing him tomorrow. He's going fishing with us.


Isn't it all right, daddy?

It's his boat.

We can always use an extra hand. We shove off at 7:00.

Thank you very much.

I can't go tomorrow. Bel Harbor Yacht Club, 7:00.

How can I go tomorrow? I can't go tomorrow.

Bombs away.

Lila? Lila? You up?

What do you want? Did you hear?

Did you hear? Did you watch the news?

We were in a big accident! Wilmer was driving me here about 8:30...

When a big oil truck plowed right into us.

I'm all right. I just got shaken up a little. I had my seat belt on.

But the truck is still burning and Wilmer's caris a complete wreck.

A complete wreck!

They checked me over at Miami general.

I'm all right. I don't want you to worry. I'm perfectly all right.

I didn't hear anything about any accident.

That surprises me, 'cause there were reporters all over the place.

The oil companies must've paid them off to keep quiet.

My back is a little sore.

Wilmer may lose some teeth. They're not sure yet.

The truck plowed right into us!


What wilmer does have is a terrific lawsuit... because there were ten, fifteen witnesses.

I have to be in court tomorrow at 7:00.

7:00? What courts open at 7:00?

Florida courts open at 7:00 'cause of the weather down here.

No use you coming because I'm gonna be signing affidavits all day long.

My back is really sore.

I sat here all night. You could've called me.

Honey, how could I call? I was pinned behind--

I was pinned in a '68 Chevy. It took them an hour to get us out.

How could I call you?

Were you really in an accident?

You think I'm making it up?

My God!

My God! You think I'm making it up?

I'll get the patrolman who pulled me out of the car.

Talk to patrolman Greer, the man that pulled me out of the car.

I didn't mean it. My God! Lila, I'm lucky I'm alive!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean you were making it up.

Good night, Lila. Good night, Lenny.

Ah, thanks for waiting.

Nice to be aboard. Nice to be aboard.

Happy? Happy?

It's only the best three days of my life.

I think we'll come back here on our honeymoon.

What makes you so sure there's going to be a honeymoon?

I told you. Don't underestimate me.

Don't underestimate daddy. He still doesn't like you.

If he told you to drop me, what would you do? Drop you.

You always do what your father says?


Kelly, what do you say? Lunch.

I'm coming, daddy. Be right there, sir.

Okay, listen. Tonight at your hotel, 7:00.

Your father and me over cocktails.

I lay my cards on the table. He finds out I mean business. - Yeah?

Yeah. Well, anyway, it's been a terrific three days.

Three days? Wait till you get a load of the next 40 or 50 years.

Be right there. Hold the elevator.

Hi, hon. I want an explanation.

What? I said to you that I want an explanation.

What kind of an explanation?

I'd like to know how you got such a gorgeous tan...

If you've been in court since 7:00 this morning.

Oh, honey, do you think the law moves that quickly?

I mean, in Florida?

There were three cases before us.

Then they had a recess.

And then I wasn't called as a material witness until 2:30.

And all that time I was sitting on the dumb hot courtroom steps.

It was a complete waste of a day.

Do you call this a honeymoon?

Do you know that I haven't seen you for five minutes since we've been in Florida?

Oh, honey, it's not the amount of time you spend with somebody.

It's how the time was spent.

And I feel that I'll... Never forget these three days.

Where are you going now?

Honey-- honey, I've got to visit Wilmer's family.

Wilmer keeled over signing an affidavit.

The man has three broken ribs.

They rushed him to the hospital.

He's not gonna be doing much charter fishing for a while, so I thought I would go and lay a hundred bucks on his wife and kids.

Wait, can't I go with you?

Honey, shantytown! The man lives in shantytown.

You can't walk through shantytown this time of night.

I wouldn't want to if I didn't have to, sweetheart. What about dinner?

Dinner is 9:00. Florida lobster and a terrific Florida pecan pie.

Something very big has come up and I think tonight is a good time to discuss it.

Something good?

Could be very great. It all depends on how you want to look at it.

I certainly appreciate the way you and Mrs. Corcoran have treated me.

I mean, after all, I'm a veritable stranger, veritably unknown.

And you and Mrs. Corcoran have generously treated me as though...

I were practically a member of the immediate family.

Kelly said something about your laying your cards on the table.

Were those your cards? No, no, I'm just kinda shuffling.

This is actually my deal now.

Well, in just plain, old-fashioned, corny lingo, sir, uh, I have fallen head over heels with your Kelly here.

It didn't take me long to make up my mind.

One good look did it, actually, if you want to know the truth.

I'm the kind of crazy hairpin that doesn't need much more than that.

And then, that's it for life with me.

Now, there is a slight complication.

I happen to be a newlywed.

Um, I made the big mistake about five days ago in New York.

When I say big, sir, I mean radio-city-music-hall big.

You may have seen her around the pool. She's a nice girl.

But just not, not really my type.

I married her because I thought it was the decent thing to do.

I've learned that decency doesn't always pay off.

So I'm going to get out.

It'll be difficult, but not impossible.

Not when you're as determined as I am.

Sitting opposite you, Mr. Corcoran, is probably... the most determined young man that you have ever seen.

Now, I know that you are going back to Minneapolis tomorrow.

And it's my plan, just as soon as I work out this messy business, to follow you out to Minnesota, to get myself set up there, and to lay claim to your lovely daughter.

Those are my cards, and, uh, Mr. Corcoran, there's not a joker in the bunch.

Now, having spoken my piece, I would like to know, in all candor, how you feel about what I've said... and to ask if I have your approval.

Not if they tied me to a horse and pulled me 40 miles by my tongue.

Well, that's an honest answer, sir.

Not if they hung me from a tree and put a lit b*mb in my mouth.

I respect your frankness.

I think we understand how we stand now.

It's not a question of my not approving of you.

It's a question of...

I don't like one g*dd*mn thing about you.

Ah. Well, initial judgments very often are misleading.

I found that out to my sorrow, sir.

You come hanging around my daughter on your honeymoon?


Hang around your wife!

Don't hang around my daughter! Duane, you're shouting, dear.

Five days, he's married! For God-- five days! Darling, please.

Where's respect for the institution of marriage?

Once I get rid of my mistake, I'm willing to show you all the respect you would like.

Get him out before I take him into the men's room and break all the respect in his body.

You've made your point, darling.

If I may, sir, in other words what you're saying is that... if I want Kelly, I'm gonna have to put up a hell of a fight then.

Is that, uh-- he's a nut.

He's some kind of a g*dd*mn-- get him out of here. Please--

Just don't get upset, dear.

Maybe this isn't the proper time to discuss this.

Mrs. Corcoran, I hope that you will be able to see my position in this thing.

And Kelly perhaps-- look for me because I'm coming.

You stay away from her. I don't hand out my daughter to newlyweds!

Why didn't you go to Niagara falls like everybody else?

Thank you for everything, sir. And look for me, Kelly, because I'm coming. I'm coming.

You stay the hell out of Minnesota, you g*dd*mn newlywed!

What is this? Am I talking to myself?

You've eaten four shells.

Is it terrific? Did I exaggerate? Was it worth waiting for?

It's fantastic.

Now... save some room for that great pecan pie. Right?

Yummy yum pecan pie?

Pardon me, sir.

Lenny, are you gonna tell me the thing you want to discuss?

May I? Yeah.

Thank you.

This place must really be expensive.

Can we afford this?


Don't worry about the money. Listen, Lila-- money is the last thing that you should be worrying about tonight.

Really. Just enjoy yourself, enjoy your dinner.

I am! I really am!

What is it, Lenny? What did you want to tell me?


Pardon me, sir. I'm afraid we're a little late with the pecan pie.

Chef tells me we ran out about ten minutes ago.

Would you like to order something else? Wait a minute.

What, are you joking? No pecan pie?

Sorry, sir. No pecan pie!

Lenny, what are you doing?

The main reason we came here was for the pecan pie.

That's all right.

No, it's not. They should've said that to us at the door.

They should've warned us that there was a danger of running out of pecan pie.

Well, there is one small piece left in the kitchen.

Would you want that one piece?

We also have some excellent blueberry pie.

I mean, we drove all the way from New York.

Listen. Take it. Take the pecan pie. We can share it.

I don't wanna share it! I promised my wife the pecan pie.

I want you to-- bring the pecan pie for my wife.

I promised-- just bring me some coffee.

No blueberry pie?

What do I want any blueberry pie for?

Yes, sir. It's not a reject, is it?

It's a perfectly good piece of pie, right? Yes, sir.

That really bugs me.

I've been talking about that pie as far back as Virginia.

If I'd have given him ten bucks, you'd have had pecan pie flying outta your ears by now.

They got it back there. It's all right.

Honey, I'm getting the pie, and I'm very happy.


Tonight's been the best night of our whole trip.

Hasn't it?

Aren't you happy tonight?

See, that's part of what I wanted to talk about.


geez, it's warm in here.

You pay these kind of prices, the air-conditioning is faulty in here.

It's just-- I think it's probably your sunburn.

Go on, Lenny. What were you gonna say?

No, I was just gonna say that, uh-- um... that, uh-- when I was sitting out on the hot courtroom steps this afternoon, uh, I was thinking that in three weeks...

You're gonna be 22 years old.

The 12th. Right.

And the really fantastic thing about being 22 years old... is that you have your whole life in front of you.

I know. We both have.

I-- I mean, the people you could meet, the places you could go, the things that you could do.

It's just-- Lenny, I never thought that I'd get to Florida.

That's right. I mean, what some women would not give to be 22 years old.

It's just a-- That's right. I know it.

To go when you want, to do-- to live.

To live! Do you know what I mean?

To live. Is that what you mean, Lenny?

We only pass through once, right?

I mean, we can't squander it, no matter what happens.

We're just passing this way but one time. We can't squander it.

Once is a lot.

Once is a whole lifetime.

That's why we have to use...

And learn from anything that happens.

We have to... learn from the good, from the bad, from the happiness, from the tragic.

We have to learn. We have to use it all. To use it all.

You're so deep, Lenny.

I never knew that you were so deep.

Do you sense at all what I'm trying to say?

Do you, uh-- oh, Christ, it's so hot in here. Is it hot in here, or is it hot in here?

What? I-- I don't underst--

What are you trying to tell me?

Let me--

I'm trying to say...

We have to prepare ourselves.

We have to prepare ourselves for anything, you know?

I mean, everything could be terrific.

The world could be singing.

And then suddenly-- suddenly, for no reason at all, it's over.

It's over, Lila.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, Lenny.

I think I know what you're trying to tell me.

I didn't want it to happen. I didn't plan it.

You're good. You're good. You deserve better than me.

You deserve much better than me. I didn't want it to happen.

I didn't plan anything like this. Oh, Lenny.

Oh, Lenny! Oh, my God, Lenny!

Oh, Lenny, you're dying.

Oh, Lenny, oh, God, why didn't you never tell me?

Oh, Lenny!

I'm not dying! Who said anything about dying?

I want out of the marriage!

I want out of the g*dd*mn marriage.

I'm gonna throw up. Listen to me. We're not right for each other.

We're not right for each other. It didn't work out.

I tried to tell you as far back as Virginia, but you couldn't see it.

You were too busy yelling "pee-pee" every two minutes.

Lenny, let me get to the bathroom, please. No, no.

I have to throw up now. Listen, listen. Listen to me. Please listen to me.

Oh, God. Isn't it better it happens now...

Than in ten years from now when we got three or four kids running around?

Please pay attention! I don't want to have to say this a second time.

Lenny, I'm gonna do it on the table. Here. Drink some water.

Please. I think people are starting to look at us.

Oh, God, Lenny, please. Help me, Lenny. Okay. Okay. Here.

I don't want to do it on the table.

Just drink the water.

Okay, take it easy. Just take it easy. Take it easy. Okay?

Give me a quarter for the ladies' room, please. Would you please help me--

I'm gonna give you more than a quarter. I'm gonna make a tremendous settlement.

Give me a quarter for the ladies' room, please.

I'm gonna make a terrific settlement, a generous settlement.

I'm gonna give you everything.

I'm gonna give you the car. I'm gonna give you all the luggage.

I'm gonna give you all the wedding presents.

For a marriage that's not a week old, that's pretty good.

Some people don't get that after 40 years.

I kept the car in tip-top shape. That's terrific.

What is that sound? What are these sounds? Come on.


Oh, oh.

Honey. Lila, come on. It's not the end of the world!

It's just a crummy annulment. Come on!

Come on. Pecan pie.

No, no. Okay. Thank you. Is it all right?

Would you like some whipped cream? No! It's okay.

Shall I leave the whip-- Leave it! Fine, fine.

Listen, honey. It's good. It's good.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Take it easy.

Take it easy. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Listen now.

I would like, if possible-- if possible, if we could settle this tonight, you know, because, you know, check-out time is 11:00 tomorrow morning.

Unless you want to stay on for a couple of days and then--

I'll work that into the settlement.

I mean, it's-- you know what? I feel that we're over the worst of it now.

I-- I-- I actually--

I feel closer to you right now...

Than I think we've ever felt before, you know?

Sometimes... when two people experience a common tragedy, it creates a bond between people that can last a life--

You know what I would like? I would like that we should have dinner sometime.

You know? And I think that then... we could look back on all of this... and we could see all the good that's come out of this.

That's the way--

That's-- that's the way I would like this to end.

Wouldn't you? Don't you think that's a good way, to, uh, to look--


It's better? You feel a little bit better?

You feel a little-- you okay?

You okay? Yeah.


Gonna eat the pie? You want a little piece of pie?

No? No. No.

Okay. Okay.

♪ Just like me ♪

♪ they long to be ♪

♪ close to you ♪

Sign here. Just initial it.

That's right. Okay. Now over here.

That's fine.

And here again. Right.

We appreciate this, Ralph. My mother and I want you to know we really appreciate this.

I have office hours during the day, you know. Speed is our best w*apon.

In quick, out quick. That's what they taught us in the army.

An annulment is gonna take from three to six months.

If you want a divorce quick, she'll have to go to Santo Domingo.

Santo Domingo?

She didn't have much of a vacation in Florida, anyway.

I wish you'd have let me discuss settlement. I could've saved you money.

It's settled. It's settled. I gave her everything.

All I kept was my savings bonds, $900.

I could've done better for you. No. I want it this way.

I'm not looking to come out a winner. I'm willing to pay for my mistake.

Of course, if she's willing to discuss it, I'll leave that up to you.

The final papers will come through in about three weeks.

The sooner, the better.

I'm heading for the midwest.

I'll send you my address. What's in the midwest?

A terrific girl I met on my honeymoon.

Don't worry. I'll send you an invitation.

Hi, Mr. Corc.

Len Cantrow from Florida?

I'm here.

I don't expect you to let me see your daughter right off, sir, but I just wanted to stop by and let you know... that it wasn't some wild story I made up in Florida.

I have gotten myself free.

Well, I've gotta run now because I'm getting myself set up.

Please say hello to Mrs. Corcoran for me.

Would you please tell Kelly that I've gotten myself a room at the Knoll Way Motel?

Knoll Way Motel.

Good afternoon, sir, and I hope I see you again very soon.



You show your face here again, I'm gonna kick your ass right over the Canadian border.

And now for the weather.

The 11:00 P.M. twin cities temperature is 13 degrees below zero, barometer rising.

A new warm front moving down from Canada will bring tomorrow's temperature...

Up to a new high ranging between zero and five above.

Temperatures slightly lower in the suburbs.

Hello, everyone. I'm Bill Williamson, your Minneapolis-St. Paul weatherman.

There's good news in the twin cities weather forecast for tonight.

But first, the current temperature in Minneapolis is three degrees below zero.

It's two degrees below in St. Paul and four below at the airport.

The barometer is 30.02 and rising.

Winds are from the northwest at four Miles per hour.

Temperatures will fall to between 18 and 21 degrees below zero tonight.


I'm here. I made it. I heard. You must be crazy or something.

I'm out. I'm free and clear, just like I said. Hi, Kelly.

Hi. You must've been crazy, just ringing my bell like that.

Hi, Kelly. Hi.

I can't talk to you. I've got political science. Wait a second.

We've got serious things to discuss.

Look. I'm very flattered you came, really, ...but the situation's impossible. Kelly.

Just a minute. Hello, Kelly.

Hi. I've gotta go. Wait a minute.

You worried about your father? I'm gonna handle that.

My father says that if you're not gone by tonight, he's gonna get you with his car.

I have to go. Listen. Kelly, listen.

Hey, I'm real surprised.

I'm surprised by your reaction. I mean, I'm really very surprised.

You picked a bad time to come.

Bad time?

Do you remember Florida? I mean, does Florida seem vaguely familiar to you?

Certainly I remember Florida. I'll never forget it.

But this is Minnesota, and I've got Political Science, and I've gotta go.

I'm really very flattered.

A guy I met in Miami. What'd he want?

Kelly? Kelly, I gotta talk to you.

I'm sorry. I've got English lit. That's all right.

Listen. I just need two minutes to talk to you in private.

Didn't you hear what she said the first time? Certainly I heard what she said.

I'm only standing a foot away. How could I possibly miss it?

I just need to talk to you for two minutes. Hey!

It's okay. I'll see you in class.

I mean, what did you think it was, a game?

This is no game.

This is my life.

I don't play games with my life.

You really got a divorce?

You think I was just really fooling around with you in Florida?

Didn't I tell you I was gonna get a divorce?

I don't play games with my life.

Gee, I'm really flattered.

I'll tell you the truth. I was under the impression that our relationship--

was at a much more advanced stage... than the point where you're really very flattered.

I just gave up a whole g*dd*mn marriage.

You caught me off guard. It's my first day back at school.

I've got English lit. Oh, you know, screw English lit!

I just gave half my life away!

I mean-- you don't even say hello to me!

Where's your g*dd*mn laugh? I haven't heard your g*dd*mn laugh... one time since I've been here.

I can't help it. Florida seems like such a long time ago.

It's two weeks ago. What, you can't retain a memory for two weeks?

I gave up $6,000.

I gave up my wife.

I gave up my car. And you can't retain a memory for two--

What, are you-- are you re--

What was all the-- what was all the "you're sitting on my stool"?

"That's my spot."

What is all that crap? Really, that's just a bunch of crap!

And I'm a schmuck!

I was very attracted to you. Were you?

You were very attracted to me. You were very-- well, that's cute.

That's a cute thing.

So I was, uh...

Something to do.

No, I can understand that. I can under--

Listen. What is it--

I had a crummy divorce. What is it to me, right?

I also got a suntan.

You really have to look at it that way. That's the way life is-- good and bad, you know.

The important thing is that you get to English lit.

That's really the important thing that we do here.

Hey. What?

Don't get so morbid. Give a girl a chance.

Is this how they kiss in Minnesota?

I'm getting a house this afternoon.

First, you have to take me back to English lit.

What time is your last class? Pick you up after your last class.

Well, it's at 2:30, but...

I was supposed to meet someone.

What, the guy with the big neck?

That guy's got a 40-inch neck. You know, he's finished.

That guy is through. That's over, really.

The money is here.

But I wouldn't start in with him. He's captain of everything.

I spent three years in the armed forces. That guy is through.



I'm getting sick and tired of you bugging Kelly.

Yes, I understand. I'd like to introduce myself.

My name is Leonard Cantrow. I'm with the Department of Justice, Bureau of Narcotics.

I'd like to ask you a couple of questions. May I see that cigarette?

May I see the pack that came out of?

You wanna just step back there a minute, please. You a student here?

Yeah. What year are you in?

Sophomore. What's your name, please?

You don't need my name.

Son, I don't want any trouble here. I just asked you your name.

No. What is your name?

What is your name?

Apparently that fellow has something to be frightened of.

Do you fellows have anything to be frightened of? I don't.

How long have you known Miss Corcoran, please? About two years.

To the best of your knowledge, does she use dr*gs of any kind?


Do you boys have any reason to run? No.

Then why don't you just walk, then? Just walk on.

You tell your friend I'm coming back tomorrow. Thank you, fellas.

Just keep your nose clean. Kelly.

Keep moving, please.

- Where? At my place? No, not a motel.

Where? You want to suggest a place? Wherever you wanna suggest.

We have a summer cabin in the mountains.

It's not heated, but we could have a big fire.

All right? A cabin.

A cabin.

That's great.

All my life...

I've dreamt of a cabin and a fire, an incredible girl.

Have you got the nerve to try something very dangerous?

What do you think? I mean, what do you think?

We'll have to take off all our clothes.


What a terrific idea. Whatever it is, I love it!

Remember, I'm not gonna sleep with you. That's all right.

Even if we just did this, it would be terrific.

I've never done this before. A girlfriend told me about it.

I love her. Whoever she is, I love her.

I'm way ahead of you. Let me help. No, no.

That's the whole point-- no touching.

We take off everything and get as close as we can without touching.

It's a lot harder than it sounds. I love it!

I love it!

All my life I've wanted to be in a place like this... with a girl like you playing a game like this.

Hurry up. Let's play. I don't know if I can go through with it.

Oh, yes, you can. Sure. I mean, it's just a game.

The worst thing that could happen is you'd lose.

All right. Step back a few feet.

One more foot.

Why don't we begin? Should we just start?

All right. I'll go first.

Thank you, God.

I'm just seeing your masterpiece, and I thank you for it.

Okay, now you.

Now what do we do?

We just walk towards each other and see how close we can get, but we mustn't touch.

I think we're close enough.

No. Uh...

I think we could get a little closer.

You do?

I do. I honestly do.

I think my father misjudged you, Lenny.

I really do.

You're the most decent, honorable man I have ever met.

Well, thank you. Thank you, Kelly.

I'll sleep with you tomorrow night. Oh?

Oh, I'll be back about 11:00.

I have to borrow some books for class.

Don't wait up.

I knew it could be like this.

Never was like this.

I knew it was possible.

Don't let me fall asleep. I have to be back by 11:00.

I knew I wasn't crazy.

A lot of people might've thought I was crazy.

I knew-- I knew it. I think I'm gonna surprise a lot of people.

I know one who's gonna be surprised.

Don't worry about your father.

Your father and I are gonna understand each other.

It's just a question of us sitting down together.

I love listening to you.

You're so positive about everything.

Daddy's the same way.

You like that, huh? I love that.

I don't want him in this house.

I don't want him in this town. This is my house.

I pay taxes in this town. I don't want him in my town. I don't want him in my house.

Well, why not, Duane? Because I hate him, that's why not.

But, despite that, Kelly says he's an admirable young man.

Well, can't you at least see him?

For me, daddy?

Please do it... for me.

I understand you're quite taken with this part of the country, Mr. Cantrow.

Leonard. Yes, ma'am.

I like what I see out here, and...

I like what I breathe out here.

I've just about made up my mind that I'm gonna make this my home.


Well, from what I've seen, I'd say you're a very determined young man.

I take that as a compliment, Mrs. Corcoran.

Thank you.

I don't mind saying this is one of the finest meals that I've ever had.

Oh, thank you, Leonard.

It's simple, you know.

Mr. Corcoran doesn't really care for fancy food, though I imagine you've tried just about every kind of exotic dish in New York.

Exactly. See, that's the trouble.

It's exotic, but it's not honest.

I mean, it's fancy, but it's not real.

I mean, this is honest food.

There's no lying in that beef.

There's no, uh... Insincerity in those potatoes.

There's no deceit in the cauliflower.

This is a totally honest meal.

You don't know what a pleasure it is to sit down... in this day and age and eat food that you can believe in.

Oh! Well... what an original way of putting it.

Leonard's so positive, isn't he, mother?

Who does he remind you of when he's so positive like that?

Who, dear? You know.

Oh, yes.

Oh, my goodness. Why didn't I notice that?

Oh, of course.

Tell me, Leonard, have you given any thought... to what your future plans might be?

I've given it a lot of thought, Mrs. Corcoran, careful thought.

I thought actually I would like to do something that concerns the land.

The land? Oh, you mean farming?

Farming? No, I don't really think so.

And yet, it's hard to say.

You see, I want to get back to origins, to basics.

Back to the soil, so to speak.

So many young people today are going in that direction.

Concerned young people.

I think we've taken enough out of this country.

I believe it's time that we started to think about...

Putting something back into this country.

Oh, you know, that's very well put, Leonard.

You know, I read an editorial in the Minneapolis Star this morning... that said the very same thing.

Really? I didn't see that.

Can I get you something, Duane?

No, thank you. I wonder if you ladies... would allow Mr. Cantrow and I a few moments alone.

Oh, yes, of course. Certainly.

Mr. Cantrow. Excuse me.

No, sir, thank you. I don't smoke.

Leonard. Sir.

I was very quiet at dinner tonight... because I was listening.

I'm in the banking business.

I'm called upon to have many business dinners.

I find I can tell more about a man by listening to his dinner table conversation... than by reading all the books and the records and the balance sheets in the world.

I heard everything you said-- your feeling about the big cities, the clear air out here, the honest food, getting back to the soil.

And I will tell you... quite honestly... I was very impressed.

Oh, I'm very glad to hear that, sir. I was very impressed.

And I think I can... also say... quite honestly...

I have never heard such a crock of horseshit in my life.


"There's no deceit in the cauliflower."

Where do you get ideas like that? They just-- they just come out of that New York head of yours?

I was merely trying to impress the fact that it was a pleasure--

I see through you.

You don't think I see through you?

You could wear two sweaters and a raccoon coat, I'd still see through you.

I never once tried to misrepresent myself or deceive anybody--

Leonard, you think you're quite determined, don't you?

You think once you get your mind set on something, that's it.

Leonard, you don't know what determination is.

I eat determination for breakfast.

You want to see a brick wall?

You're looking at a brick wall.

I'm very sorry to hear that, sir.

Did you honestly think you could come out here... and wise-guy yourself a girl like Kelly?

Maybe you wise-guyed that football player away, but... this is my baby you're talking about.

Nobody wise-guys away my little baby.

I have nothing but the deepest respect, love and feelings for--

Do you want to talk figures? All right, let's talk figures.

Tell me your figure, I'll tell you mine.

I don't understand. What do you mean, money? Five.

How does 5,000 grab you?

I'm shocked. I am shocked...

That you would even remotely suggest that I'm gonna take--

I am talking 5,000 tax-free dollars.

Is that remotely enough for you? Suggest that I'm gonna agree-- because if it isn't, I will go 10,000.

Now, that's a lot of bats and balls, Cantrow.

There's not enough money...

...in all the banks of Minneapolis. 15,000.

15,000. You're talking to a brick wall, young fellow, a rich brick wall.

In all the banks of Minnesota.

Have you any conception of what $20,000 feels like? What it looks like?

In all the banks of the United States of America!

I'm talking hard cash, g*dd*mn it!

Cold, hard American currency, 25,000 g*dd*mn dollars!

Look, Mr. Corcoran.

I didn't come out here to negotiate for Kelly.

I came out here to fight for her.

I spent three years in the United States army.

I fought every g*dd*mn minute of those three years!

Unfortunately not overseas because of a minor back injury, but in the small army towns of this country...

Against the narrow-minded, petty-brained bigots... who look down on anyone who's nothing more...

Than your average hardworking enlisted man!

I don't want your money.

I don't want your g*dd*mn lousy $25,000!

What do you want?

What do you want, g*dd*mn it?

I want Kelly. I want Kelly.

Well, so do I, g*dd*mn it!

Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here... in the sight of God and in the face of this company... to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony, which is an honorable estate instituted of God...

And signifying unto us the mystical union... that is betwixt Christ and his church.

Into this holy estate, these two persons present come now to be joined.

If any man can show just cause why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else forever hold his peace.

Who giveth this woman to be married to this man?

I do.

Repeat after me.

I, Leonard Allen Cantrow.

I, Leonard Allen Cantrow--

The Lord bless you and keep you.

The Lord make the light of his countenance to shine upon you... and give you peace both now and forever.


Lovely bride. Thank you.

Here we are again. You must meet my son-in-law.

How do you do? Hello. Hello. Thank you.

Here's Mr. Lindstrom.

Mr. Lindstrom. You are the luckiest man alive.

Thank you. I know it.

It's actually ten years old.

You're talking up to $20,000 worth of land?

I feel that so many people are so concerned with... taking things out of the country... rather than making a contribution and putting things back in.

You know what I'm saying?

I think you can get a lot of satisfaction from planting things.

It's more like Thomas Jefferson, you know. Exactly.

We visited his home in Monticello lately. Yes.

And he said the best government is the least government. - Yes.

His way of doing was something fabulous.

The home he designed, very resourceful.

What business are you in?

We make food for veal calves.

It's a specialty kind of food.

It develops, uh-- A European type...

Of-- of veal calf. Uh-huh.

You know, I'm really wide open as far as...

Where I might, uh, go with that.

But insurance is a field that's been with us almost since the--

What company are you-- It's one of the first.

It's called Alexander and Alexander.

It's a nationwide firm. Nation.

- Is that a growing field in this area? Oh, yes.

There's a lot of money in tear gas, uh-- Yes, indeed.

Does your business bring you traveling?

There you are. I've been looking all over the place for you.

I'll be with you in a second. Wait a minute.

I would like to get back to origins.

I think many people don't think like this, but I think we've taken enough out of this country in many ways, you know?


I feel all of us should think about putting something back in.

I'm in athletic equipment now, you know.

It's interesting. Yeah.

What are you interested in being when you grow up?

Well, I haven't decided yet.

How old are you? Ten right now.

I was ten.

Excuse me. Sure.

Come on.

♪ Hey, bless my soul ♪

♪ smooth your brow ♪

♪ I thought you knew by now ♪

♪ you're going far ♪

♪ you'll hit your stride any day ♪

♪ and you'll be on your way ♪

♪ you're going far ♪

♪ when it's rough you've got to hang in there ♪

♪ and it's rough I know 'cause I've been there ♪

♪ life throws us in ♪

♪ and it's either sink or swim ♪

♪ keep your head look around ♪

♪ do your best ♪

♪ you'll soon be safe and sound ♪

♪ and you can rest ♪

♪ but till then ♪

♪ keep your smile glued on tight ♪

♪ you'll be all right ♪

♪ you're going far
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