09x13 - Free Willzyx

[bunniefuu]

I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time.

Friendly faces everywhere.

Humble folks without temptation.

Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind.

Ample parking day or night.

People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!"

Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind.

Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine.

And now Jambu is gonna give you all a big wave!

I'm all wet! Sweet!

Dude, Jambu is the best!

Now get ready for Jambu's next trick.

I'm totally wet!

This is awesome!

How about that, folks? A full body flip!

And now Kelly's gonna show us how she makes Jambu do his tricks.

When Kelly slaps her hand three times, Jambu comes to her.

Jambu will stay and wait until Kelly gives him a command.

Oh, what trick are we gonna see? Get those cameras ready.

That's Kelly riding on Jambu's nose!

I wish Kelly would ride on my nose.

Yes! Yes!

We hope you enjoyed Jambu's orca show.

And enjoy the rest of your day at Denver Sea Park... you bunch of retards.

Okay. Where to next?

I think there's a sea lion show at 2:30.

Let's just stay here and watch the whale swim around some more.

Why? Dude, everyone's leaving!

We can walk right up to the t*nk and really study him.

Kyle, the show is over.

The whale isn't gonna splash us anymore, so who cares?

Let's go see the stingrays, and then we can go to the sea lion show.

k*ller.

I'll meet up with you guys in a little bit.

I want to hang out here some more.

Okay, Kyle. We're gonna go get splashed some more.

But if you want to go make love to the whale, that's fine.

Jambul! Jambul!

Cool! It works!

Hey, Jambu.

Hello, little boy.

Do you like my flippers?

Who said that?

I did!

No way.

This is very exciting.

Usually when I talk, nobody can hear me.

Where are you from?

South Park.

It sure is nice to have somebody to talk to.

Can't we talk more, please?

What do you want to talk about?

Let's talk about rocket ships.

Rocket ships?

Yeah! I love rockets.

But I can't see them 'cause I'm stuck in this t*nk!

You know, some day, I wish that I could go up in space in a rocket ship.

Why? Aren't you happy here?

I try to be, but my dream is to one day blast off in a big rocket ship!

This is amazing. Wait right here!

I got to go tell my friends about this.

Oh, God! It's funny every single time.

For those of you just joining us, this is the stingray t*nk.

Stingrays are members of the shark family, but they are extremely peaceful creatures.

We invite you to gently touch the top of them as they swim by.

Come on, stingray! Splash me!

Hey, splash me!

Dude, these things are dumb. Let's go.

Hey, you guys!

You guys! You're not gonna believe this!

What?

Dude, he talks. The orca whale talks.

Mrph rmh mrph rmh rmh mrph rmphm?

I went up to Jambu's t*nk, and I tapped three times like the trainer did.

Jambu swam up and started talking to me about rocket ships.

Come on! You got to check it out!

Jambul! Jambu, I'm back!

How are you feeling?

Jambu, you want to talk about rocket ships?

Multi-k*ll!

J-dJambu?

Are you still feeling lonely here?

Kyle. Kyle. Let it go, man.

He talked!

I swear to Abraham he talked and he loves rocket ships.

Dude, he's back! He's back!

God damn it! Say something!

Come on, guys. Let's leave Kyle with his stupid whale.

Please don't call me stupid!

Jambu! Jambu, why didn't you speak up before?

I'm sorry. Sometimes I can't talk.

It's because I'm very, very sick, you see.

Sick?

I don't believe it.

Yes. Because I'm not used to the earth's atmosphere.

You see, my name is actually Willzyx, and I'm from the moon!

The moon?

That... That's where all orca whales are from.

If I don't get back to the moon, I'm going to die!

You live on the moon?

I used to.

I wish I could return and dance in the Moon Castle with my wife and three children again.

Oh, my God.

Why don't you just tell the people here at the sea park?

I can't tell them because they're evil communists from the Horsehead Nebula.

They want to k*ll all us zypods.

So they keep us in these horrible tanks and make us perform!

That's terrible!

Dude! Dude, the boss is coming!

Oh. Uh, sorry, boys.

I can't talk anymore. I'm too sick.

Can't... talk... anymore.

All right, guys. Listen up.

This may sound a little strange, but the whale at the Denver Sea Park is going to die unless we get it to the moon.

Okay. Let's do it!

The whale's name is Willzyx, and he told us he's dying on our planet.

We've come up with a plan, but we're gonna need all your help to make it work.

A whale... talked to you?

It's true.

The whale talked to all of us in between shows in his orca t*nk.

Hey, that whale talked to me, too.

After everyone left the show, I walked up to the glass, and he started talking.

Well, why didn't you tell anybody?

I thought I was crazy.

He said my dad was gonna sneak into my room naked one night and b*at me up.

Well, you're not crazy. The whale talked to all of us.

And he needs our help getting him home.

So it's true.

Nobody else is gonna help him, you guys.

We've got a chance to do something pretty special.

Are you with us?

What do we do?

Stan. All right.

In order to make our plan work, we're going to need the pool from Clyde's backyard, Timmy's wheelchair, the Russian government, and all of our skateboards.

Timmy.

Craig, Token, get the slings ready.

Willzyx, don't say anything.

We're gonna bust you out of here.

Dude, did you see that episode of "Trading Spouses" last night?

That was insane.

Yeah. Whoa. What the hell?

How could you not have seen anything?!

It's a whale, for Christ's sake!

It must have been taken while I was going to the bathroom.

Were you in there for three hours?!

Don't yell at me!

What happened?

Somebody kidnapped Jambu. Took him right out of the park.

What? How?

I don't know! All right, people.

It's obvious we're dealing with a highly intelligent animal rights group.

Those bastards have done things like this before.

Sir! Sir! We found a note!

A note? Let me see that.

"We're taking Willzyx home to the moon.

Long live the zypods."

What the hell does that mean?

Harris, run a fingerprint check on that note.

Nelson, find out what kind of crayon it was written with.

We'll find out who was responsible for this.

We have to tell them.

We know what those boys look like!

We can't tell them!

They're gonna think this is all our fault.

It is all our fault!

How were we supposed to know they were gonna actually do it?

I shouldn't have laughed.

All those times you messed with those kids' heads, I shouldn't have just sat there and laughed.

Don't you say that! It was funny!

It was really funny!

We've just... We've just got to make this right ourselves.

How?

We've got to track down those kids before the police do.

Comrades, I'm afraid our situation is dire.

The economy is stale and dying.

Very soon Mother Russia will no longer be a country.

Sir! Sir! Somebody is on telephone!

Another rich American wants to fly to space!

Hello?

Hello? This is Russian president.

Hi. My name's Kyle.

I understand that your country flies people to space for money.

Yes, we certainly do.

What were you looking for?

I need to book one trip to the moon, please, right away.

The moon?

That is quite large trip, but I'm sure we can do it!

You can? Awesome!

Then it sounds like we are in business!

We will just need, say, $20 million.

$20 million? Are you nuts?

We don't have that kind of money.

What?

But you need to understand.

We have a whale that needs to get back to his family on the moon.

God damn it. It is prank call again!

Kiss my ass, George Bush! This is not funny!

What happened?

They want $20 million.

$20 million? Just to go to the dumb moon?

That was it? That was your guys' whole plan?

Ask the Russians to take the whale to space?

They were gonna do it for that 'Nsync guy.

Oh, Jesus! Now what are we gonna do?

There's got to be other third-world countries with space programs.

We've got to split up and find someplace cheaper.

We can't keep the whale out here anymore.

People are gonna see it.

A beloved performing orca whale has been stolen from the Denver Sea Park.

A full investigation is under way, but tracking down the kidnappers is proving to be one whale of a problem.

Thanks, Tom!

I'm here at the Denver Sea Park, where, believe it or not, dozens of people have come to show support for whoever took the whale.

Yeah! That's right! That's right.

We are members of the Animal Liberation Front.

Whales do not belong in tanks. They belong in the ocean.

We applaud whoever did this noble deed.

Set the whales free!

Set the whales free! Set the whales free!

Free!

One thing is for certain...

Something is certainly fishy here at the sea park.

Tom? Thanks, Mitch.

It seems that this problem is almost unbearable.

Let's hope that whale is found.

This is so bad, man.

How do we even know this is the right town to look in?

Will you relax?

Those kids said they were from South Park.

We've just got to go door to door.

Do you have the composite sketch we did?

Yeah. Let's go.

Maybe you should start with the houses on the left, and I'll take... Wait a minute. Check that out.

Come on!

Oh, my God! Look!

Whale poo.

We're close. We're really close!

Can I help you?

Hello, ma'am.

We're just here to examine your pool.

Have you noticed any whales in your pool at all?

No, I don't believe so.

But we've been out of town for a couple of days and came back to find the fence broken.

Do you think somebody's been using it?

Ma'am, do you recognize any of these boys?

The fat one in the middle... kind of looks like Dakota Fanning.

Excuse me, gentlemen. I have to get back to the oven.

We're too late. They moved on to another town!

We don't know that.

If they moved on, then we have no leads.

This is fate, Brian.

It's fate...

For telling kids their naked dads were gonna b*at them up, for thinking that screwing with kids was funny!

It was funny!

It was funny, Mike.

And it will be funny again, I swear to you.

If those boys took the whale out of here, we would've seen them on the road.

I'm telling you, we're close.

It's going to be funny.

Kyle, boubbie, we're taking lke to the new Harry Potter movie.

Want to join us? I can't, Ma.

We're working on our school project!

There's pizza in the fridge if you and your friends get hungry.

Okay, Ma. Thanks!

Shouldn't we get him back in the water?

Whales are mammals. They don't need water to breathe, dumb-ass.

We just have to keep him wet. Yes? Yes, hello.

Is this Mr. Sugiyama with the Japanese space program?

How much to take a whale into space?

N-No, we don't want you to eat the whale.

We want you to send it to the moon.

How much?! Jesus Christ!

Uh, hang on. Hello?

Jimmy, any luck at the Chinese embassy?

The Ch... Chinese will take someone to space for $10 million.

$10 million?!

That's more than the Germans want!

Yeah, we told them that, a-and they told us to go f-fruck ourselves.

Damn it!

Tell me what to do, Willzyx. How do we get you home?

He hasn't said a word since we brought him here.

Yeah. He must be really sick.

Hang on, Willzyx. There's still hope.

Stan and Craig might still have luck with the space program down in Mexico.

Mexico has a space program?

Uh, excuse me. We're looking for the...

Mexican aeronautica espacio administracion.

Alla. Thanks.

Is this the Mexican space program?

Space, si. Fly.

Does the Mexican space program have rockets that can go to the moon?

Claro. Sigame.

El rocket lunar.

This rocket will fly to the moon?

Si, fly.

To the moon?

Si.

We want to take something to the moon.

How much would that cost?

Oh, uh... 200.

2007? Million?

200 dollars.

Quick. Call Kyle.

Hello, ma'am.

Uh, the teacher over at the school said she recognized this boy to be your son.

Oh, yes. That's my boubbie.

Kind of a bad drawing, though.

Ma'am, we need to talk to your son, please.

It's very urgent.

I'm sorry. He just left.

He's on his way to Mexico.

Mexico?! Mexico?!

Yes!

As part of a school project, he's helping his class move two donated grand pianos to needy schoolchildren in Tijuana.

My little boubbie is very caring.

Oh, my God.

Which highway did they take?!

Hurry it up, dude. We've got a rocket to catch.

Hang on, Willzyx. Hang on, buddy.

We have to hurry!

I'm going as fast as I can.

Hang on, Willzyx. We'll be in Mexico soon.

Oh, hamburgers! What is that?

All right. Out of the truck.

What the hell is going on?

You're carrying a stolen whale.

Stolen?

You kids told me you won that whale at Pizza Hut!

We're busted.

Come on out, kid.

Look, I didn't know nothing about this.

Just help us get the whale into our truck, and we'll all keep quiet about this.

You don't understand! Willzyx is from the moon.

He'll die if we don't get him back now!

Willzyx, you have to talk.

Come on, boy. You have to.

I know you're sick, but you can do it.

Look, kid, we need to tell you a little secret.

What's going on here?

Oh, crap.

Oh, now we're gonna get it.

Hey. That's the stolen whale!

Everyone down on the ground! Now!

No! Please! We have to go!

You're not going anywhere! You're in a lot of trouble!

But we were so close.

I'm sorry, Willzyx. We tried.

We said down on the ground, kid. Move it!

Leave those kids alone, you bastards.

Animal Liberation Front!

Put down that w*apon now!

These boys are trying to get that whale home.

You're not gonna stop them.

All right!

Yeah! Yeah! Great! All right!

That whale belongs to a sea park.

It belongs with its family! That's right!

I said drop the g*n now!

Save the whales!

Jesus! Oh, God!

Save the whales, mother.

Where are you taking the whale?

Tijuana, Mexico.

Of course! Brilliant!

Release it in international waters.

I'll drive the truck.

You're going home, Willzyx.

Mike? Mike?

It... wasn't... funny.

Don't say that, Mike.

It was funny.

It just wasn't that funny this time.

All the other times were still funny, Mike!

They were still funny!

45 to dispatch.

The stolen whale... heading to Tijuana.

Whale to Tijuana! Bleh!

They're on their way, Manuel. Is the rocket gonna be ready?

Si, fly.

Look! The Mexican border!

Oh, Jesus. They're here!

Hold your positions.

Ha! We got them!

Hang on, boys.

Mary, mother of God.

Get them!

Willzyx, I think we're here.

Back down the ramp! It's all rigged to go!

You got it, kid.

Don't let them get that whale in the water!

Kyle, it's all set to go! Just get Willzyx into the water!

Come on, guys!

Stop right now!

Hurry, boys. We'll take care of them.

Hang on. Hold on a second.

I guess... I guess this is goodbye, Willzyx.

I'm gonna miss you.

Hey, don't forget me, okay?

I won't forget you.

Oh, crap! There's more of them!

Get him in the water!

Goodbye, Willzyx!

Swim, mighty whale. You're free!

Okay, Manuel. Hit it.

Stop! That is my whale!

I'm afraid you're too late. The whale's been set free.

No!

Now you see that your ways of captivity and exploiting animals will never prevail...

Not as long as there are children like these who still believe in the beauty and the magic of freedom.

For it is children, with their innocence and their spirit, who know what is truly best for all the world.

Oh, my God!

We did it!

Thanks for the ride, Manuel.

Si, fly.

Well, see ya, fellas.

I got to get home before my parents wake up.

Yeah. Me too. All right.

Thanks for your help, dudes.

Well, we did it, guys.

It wasn't easy, but we did a really amazing thing.

Yeah. I feel pretty awesome right now.

I wonder if he'll ever come back and visit us.

I don't know.

But at least from now on, every time we look at the moon, we can know that Willzyx is up there, dancing with the other zypods in his castle.