04x09 - Season 4, Episode 9

[bunniefuu]

Previously on The Affair:

Uh, hi. I'm Alison.

Ben.

Yeah, when I got back

from my second tour,
I was a disaster.

And I, uh, had
a hard time being...

...being intimate.

Oh.

It's pretty
interesting stuff, huh?

You scared me.

You can't just
sneak up on people

at a conference about
posttraumatic stress.

Sorry, uh, I didn't
realize I was that scary.

We should meet up
all over the country

at different
PTSD conferences.

Are you having fun yet?

What's that face?

You amaze me.

I'm looking for Ben Cruz.

He is actually
at a lunch meeting,

but he'll be back
any minute.

-I-I...
-Mrs. Cruz, what are you doing?

Please, let me
help you with that.

Mrs. Cruz, please.

I insist.
Let me do that.

A lush. I love it.

No, I just had a terrible day.

Have you ever heard
of the, uh, mile-high club?

I can't sit back
down there, okay?

-He tried to kiss me.
-Calm down, ma'am.

-This is a misunderstanding.
-I need you to calm down.

Stop touching me!

Noah? Hi.

[Noah] She just started
freaking out on the highway.

I didn't know
where else to bring her.

What about you?
You seeing anybody?

[Alison]
I was.

He's married.

Alison, you have
so much time.

You could have
a second act.

You could do whatever
you want to do.

But if you want
to change your life,

you have to do it now.

♪ I was screaming
into the canyon ♪

♪ At the moment of my death ♪

♪ The echo I created ♪

♪ Outlasted my last breath ♪

♪ My voice it made
an avalanche ♪

♪ And buried a man
I never knew ♪

♪ And when he d*ed,
his widowed bride ♪

♪ Met your daddy
and they made you ♪

♪ I have only one thing to do ♪

♪ And that's be the wave
that I am, and then ♪

♪ Sink back into the ocean ♪

♪ I have only one thing to do ♪

♪ And that's be the wave
that I am, and then ♪

♪ Sink back into the ocean ♪

♪ I have only one thing to do ♪

♪ And that's be the wave
that I am, and then ♪

♪ Sink back into the ocean,
sink back into the ocean ♪

♪ Sink back into the o... ♪

♪ Sink back into the ocean ♪

♪ Sink back into the o... ♪

♪ Sink back into the ocean ♪

♪ Sink back
into the ocean ♪

[waves splashing gently]

["Cover Me Up"
by Jason Isbell playing]

♪ A heart on the run ♪

♪ Keeps a hand on the g*n ♪

♪ You can't trust anyone ♪

♪ I was so sure ♪

♪ What I needed was more ♪

♪ Tried to sh**t out the sun ♪

♪ Days when we raged ♪

♪ We flew off the page ♪

♪ Such damage was done ♪

[knocking at door]

♪ But I made it through ♪

[shuts off faucet]

♪ 'Cause somebody knew ♪

♪ I was meant for someone ♪

♪ So, girl, leave
your boots by the bed ♪

♪ We ain't leaving this room ♪

[knocking at door]

♪ Till someone
needs medical help ♪

♪ Or the magnol-- ♪

[turns off music]

Hi.

Hi.

It's good to see you.

Um, can I come in?

Uh, yeah, yeah, of course. Um...

[door closes]

[faucet running]

It's beautiful here.

Thank you.

So...

-where'd you go?
-[faucet stops]

What do you mean?

Last week.

Thought we
had a date.

I...

It's for you.

Thank you.

Um, do you want to sit?

I need to talk to you
about something.

Actually, um, can I say
something first?

Okay.

I'm married.

[sighs]

-Okay.
-I didn't tell you.

Uh, no, you didn't.

I was afraid you wouldn't
want to see me again.

Well, you're right.

But I already know.

I found out.

How?

[sighs]

I went to see you
at your office.

Your wife was there.

Heidi?

Mm-hmm.

Okay. Um...

did you speak to her?

It doesn't matter.

-You lied to me.
-I know.

I told you everything
about myself.

-I told you about my son.
-I know.

-I know, and I'm sorry.
-That's it?

That's all you have to say?

I have a lot to say.
Do you want to sit?

-No.
-Okay.

Well, um, this might
take a while.

I've been rehearsing
this for days,

but I realize I may
never see you again,

so I'm gonna say everything.

Okay.

[sighs]

[pouring drink]

So, uh...

I left my wife today.

-I don't believe you.
-I did. I can show you

the angry text messages
I've been getting,

if that would help.

[sighs]

Our marriage is done.

I should have left
a long time ago, but...

I said it was for the kids,

but it wasn't for the kids.

I just didn't want to fail
at something else.

And then I met you.

I wanted to tell you.

I-I tried to tell you, but...

I knew, if I did,
you'd just walk away

and I'd never see you again,

and I couldn't make myself
say the words.

You are literally
the woman of my dreams.

I know it's not
the perfect situation,

but I came here tonight
just hoping that maybe

we can start again
with no more secrets.

I'm Ben.

I recently separated
from my wife,

and I have two boys:

Bodhi and Gabriel.

Gabriel?

[chuckles softly]

Gabriel?

Right. Okay.

Uh...

how old?

Bodhi's six, and...

Gabriel's a year.

-Ben.
-Look, I know.

I know it sounds bad.

My wife and I,
we talked already.

Look, we agreed,
this isn't the life

that either of us wants.

And we'd be happier
with other people.

We'll be better
parents to our boys.

I love you.

That's what I came here to say.

Say something.

Thank you for
finally telling me.

-That's it?
-What do you want me to say?

I don't know, uh...

you forgive me.

Doesn't matter.
You love me, too.

Oh, it does matter.

And I don't forgive you.

And how can I
tell you I love you?

I don't even know you.

Mmm. Yeah.

Right.

Wait.

I have something
I want to say to you, too.

Okay.

-You're a sh*t.
-I know.

You treated me badly.

I did.

I was honest with you.

I told you who I am.

I didn't lie to you.

You lied to me.

Yeah.

Why?

I screwed up.

I'm weak.

Ben, I am sorry
you broke up with your wife.

I am sorry, most of all,
for your kids.

And I am sorry that you and I

never had a chance to see
where this could go.

Because I really liked you.

And I haven't felt
this way about anyone

in a really long time.

But I am done

being the woman you lie
to your wife about.

I have lived this
entire story before,

and it doesn't end well,

and I couldn't go through
with it again,

even if I wanted to.

Do you understand?

Of course I understand.

Um... should I...

should I let
myself out, or, uh...

Yeah.

Guess you should.

[Ben] You should get
someone to fix that.

Yeah, I know.

Called the plumber
a couple of times.

Just keeps standing me up.

I mean, I can fix it for you
right now if you want.

Or not.

No. [chuckles]

Um...

Thank you.

-Ah.
-That's it.

Oh.

Seems like an old sink.

I might as well just get
under there and tighten it up.

Thank you so much
for doing this.

Yeah. No problem.

This is fun for me.

I-I could make you some dinner,
you know, before you go.

Okay.

Uh...

Well, I have some eggs or...

[cupboard opens]

Uh... [chuckles]

Uh, what are
you doing?

I'm going to make us
something. Yeah.

Well, no, I-I offered
to make you dinner.

Yeah, and I
appreciated that offer.

Now, um, give me some space.

Go pour yourself
a glass of wine.

Relax.

[fridge closes]

[glass clinking]

[pouring drink]

[chimes tinkling outside]

[wind whistling]

Your wife is very beautiful.

Yeah.

She's definitely that.

Did you really end it with her?

I swear.

Did you tell her about me?

No.

That just seemed cruel.

What did you say?

I said...

I didn't love her
anymore, and...

she said she didn't
love me anymore, either.

[burner on stove ignites]

Why? What happened
between you two?

I, uh...

I went to w*r.

I just...

Changed me.

I don't know how to describe it
any better than that.

And Heidi, she was raised
by a single mom

who couldn't make the rent,
and, uh...

she basically grew up in a car.

She wanted a man, you know--
capital "M."

Someone to take care of her,

be strong, make money,

tell her
she was pretty.

She just didn't want
to have to worry anymore.

That's who she thought
she married.

That's who we both
thought I was.

What changed?

It was my, uh...

second combat tour
in Afghanistan, and...

I'd been deployed for 12 months,

which is a ridiculous
amount of time.

And one day,
we ran out of fuel

for the generator
on our base, and, uh...

I took out a Humvee with a few
of the guys from my platoon.

It was just supposed to be a
simple resupply mission, but...

we'd been given
the wrong information,

and when we got there...

...the fuel didn't exist.

So we had to return empty-handed

on the same road we had
traveled that morning,

which is a stupid
and dangerous thing to do.

I just had two weeks
left on my tour,

and all I could think about
was getting home to Heidi,

a bath,

a beer on our deck,

putting Bodhi to sleep

and, uh, taking
her clothes off and, uh...

Sorry.

No.

I understand.

Anyway, um...

Out of the corner
of my eye,

I could see these kids
watching us

from the door
of a building, and...

It used to be a school,
but we bombed it.

And, uh...

My stomach just fell

because I had seen those
same kids on the way out,

and here they were again
waiting for us.

I just begged, "God, Jesus,
Mary, just let us pass.

Keep those kids
in the f*cking rubble."

One of them...

he was tall.

Had to be 13 or 14.

Sure enough, he came
running towards us

with what looked like a w*apon.

And he raised it,
and I realized it was an RPG.

Before he could
pull the trigger,

I pulled mine, and...

he fell.

You k*lled him?

Yeah.

His w*apon wasn't real.

[clears throat]

What do you mean?

"RPG" stands for
"rocket-propelled grenade."

It's like a g*n
that sh**t a grenade.

And, uh...

Well, the one he was
holding, it wasn't...

didn't have a grenade attached.

It was old.

It was essentially a toy.

What, you k*lled an unarmed kid?

Yeah.

Where do you...
where do you keep your plates?

Uh, um...

just here.

♪ quiet, atmospheric music ♪

♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ ♪

So that's what you
walk around with?

Every day?

[sighs]

When I got back home...

I couldn't stand Heidi anymore.

It wasn't her fault.
It just...

The way she looked at me.

[clears throat]

The way she needed me.

One night, I, uh...

I got wasted, and...

I tied her to the bed
on her stomach

so I wouldn't have
to look at her face.

I wouldn't let her go.

Not even when Bodhi
started to cry.

I got clean soon
after that, and, uh...

I haven't touched a drink since.

I haven't touched her, either.

You done?

Uh, yeah.

I haven't told anyone
what I just told you.

That last part.

But I think about it
all the time.

Just... people I've hurt,

lives I've ruined.

All I want is
to somehow be forgiven.

I know that's not
possible, so...

You know, I have a...

I have a rare day every so often

where I feel
a little more still inside.

It's-it's usually
in the late fall,

when the summer people
have gone and...

I can hear the wind
and the water,

and the birds, nothing else.

That's when my heart,
like, hurts

for how beautiful
it is out here.

I want to...

drink the air.

Live in the sunsets.

And then I...

It's not that I feel
forgiven exactly,

but I feel at peace
with what happened.

What?

Forgiven for what?

I mean, what happened
to your son wasn't your fault.

Was it?

Yeah.

How? I thought
your husband was with him.

No, he-he didn't drown
in the water.

Um, he had fluid in his lungs,

and I didn't take him
to the hospital.

He drowned in his sleep.

That can happen?

Mm-hmm.

It's called secondary drowning.

I never heard of it.

He seemed fine,
and then at night,

he vomited, had diarrhea.

He said his shoulder
hurt, and...

Cole wanted me to take him
to the hospital,

but I-I was...
I was mad at Cole.

Because he had
spent the whole day

flirting with Jocelyn.

It was just...

And...

I was a nurse, you know.
I thought I knew better.

In the morning, he was gray.

He d*ed without making a sound.

Jesus.

Sorry.
[chuckles softly]

Maybe you didn't want
to know all that.

Of course I did.

I do.

I've had this, um...

recurring dream lately,

where I'm talking to Gabriel.

And, um, he's a teenager.

And I'm sitting on the edge
of his bed, and...

His little mustache.

And his feet smell.

He's listening to music.

And he keeps saying,
"Go away, Mom.

Leave me alone."

I know that's what he needs.

I just can't.

I can't leave.

Keeps telling me to go,
and I just can't get off...

off the bed.

And he's so angry at me.

And his skin is still so gray.

Anyway...

You know, some days,
I'm-I'm proud

of the life that I've built.

You know, I have my daughter
and my career, and...

I've grown, persevered.

And I think he'd be
proud of me, too.

And then sometimes, it just
feels like a giant charade,

and I'm still the same

broken person I was
at the hospital,

the same empty shell
at his funeral,

and this is all a joke
I've been playing on myself.

This life that I
am trying to live.

No, I...

[waves splashing,
chimes tinkling]

["Azúcar Morena"
by Carla Morrison playing]

[chuckles softly]

What are you doing?

What's it look like I'm doing?

I want you to dance with me.

[chuckles]

Come on. It's my favorite song.

♪ Azúcar morena ♪

♪ Es tu piel ♪

♪ Tus besos me saben ♪

♪ A pura miel... ♪

What happens
to people like us?

What do you mean?

The ones who can't
be forgiven.

The shrinks will say
we have to forgive ourselves.

I can't.

But if you don't,
if you don't, then...

what's the rest
of your life?

One long penance?

[sighs]

My mom believes
that we live multiple lives

and that each one
is a step toward,

you know, nirvana, I guess.

Perfection.

We just keep coming back
until we get it right.

Maybe this is as far
as I come in this life.

So you're just waiting to die?

Aren't you?

If you're really
being honest with yourself?

♪ Azúcar morena es tu piel ♪

No.

♪ Es tu bella voz ♪

I want to live.

♪ Que retumba en mi ser ♪

Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.

-No. Wait.
-No. Don't think--

What do you want?

Alison, you tell me.

I'll do whatever
you want.

Alison,
what do you want?

♪ Azúcar morena ♪

♪ Es tu piel... ♪

Let's go to your bedroom.

No, no, no, no, no.

I have a better idea.

♪ En secreto ♪

♪ Podré entregarme ♪

♪ Azúcar, azúcar ♪

♪ Tu piel... ♪

Wait, wait, wait.

[panting]

Don't mess with my heart, okay?

I can't handle any more pain.

I know.

I won't.

Promise?

I promise.

♪ Es tu bella voz ♪

♪ Que manipulan mi miel ♪

You know
what I want?

What?

This.

For days.

Forever.

Well, maybe you'll get it.

I want to go clean up.

No, no, not yet.

-[Alison laughs]
-No.

I'm tired.

Let me do the dishes,
and then we can go to bed.

Okay.

[waves splashing,
chimes tinkling]

♪ There's a man
who walks beside me ♪

♪ He is who I used to be ♪

♪ And I wonder
if she sees him ♪

♪ And confuses him with me ♪

♪ And I wonder
who she's pining for ♪

♪ On nights I'm not around ♪

♪ Could it be the man ♪

♪ Who did the things
I'm living down? ♪

♪ I was rougher
than the timber ♪

♪ Shipping out
of Fond du Lac... ♪

[knocking at door]

[thunder rumbling,
rain pattering]

[knocking]

[shuts off faucet]

♪ But the night I fell
in love with her ♪

♪ I made my weakness known ♪

♪ To the fighters
and the farmers... ♪

[grunts]

Ow!

♪ The jealous innuendos ♪

♪ Of the
lonely-hearted men... ♪

[knocking at door]

[knocking]

♪ Well, you couldn't
stay a loner ♪

♪ On the plains
before the w*r ♪

♪ When my neighbors
took to slightin' me ♪

♪ I had to ask what for ♪

♪ Rumors of my wickedness ♪

♪ Had reached our little town ♪

♪ Soon she'd heard
about the boys... ♪

Hi.

Hi.

Can I come in?

Yeah. Yeah, of course.

Didn't you hear me knocking?

Uh, no, uh...

Sorry, I had the music up.

[door closes]

[music stops]

What happened to your hand?

-Uh, it's fine. It's...
-You okay? Let me see.

No, it's fine.
It's just, I need a Band-Aid.

[laughing]

You know, a stubborn
streak like that

will get you
k*lled in combat.

[thunder rumbling]

So?

So.

So, what
happened to you?

Why'd you stand me up?

I went to L.A.
for the weekend.

Why?

To visit a friend.

You didn't call and tell me
you changed your plans?

I mean, I waited
outside that yoga studio

for an hour, Alison.

Why don't you sit?

Um, I'll make us some tea.

[water splashing]

I thought we were
going out to dinner.

No, I just wanted to talk
to you for a bit first.

I'm really hungry.

Won't take long.

Um, let me take your wet coat.

[burner on stove clicking]

So, about the other night, I--

Before you talk,
can I say something first?

Of course.

Uh, you can't do stuff
like that to me.

-Stuff like what?
-Stand me up.

Not call me
for four days.

I mean, it's taken a lot
for me to trust you.

Okay, I'm making myself really
vulnerable here, you know?

Uh, yeah, yeah, I-I know. I...

Okay. Good.

I... I just had
to say that.

What do you want
to talk about?

Alison, what's going on?

Are you okay?

Uh, yeah, I just wanted
to ask some questions.

I just...

You know, it occurred
to me we don't really

know that much
about each other.

Yeah, like, uh, I had no idea

you knew anyone in California.

Of course.

What do you want to talk about?
I'll tell you anything.

Okay. Okay.

Um...

Where'd you grow up?

The Bronx.

What's your family like?

I'm, uh, the third of four.

Four boys and a girl.

Where are your parents?

My dad still
lives on 186th,

and my mom is dead.

She d*ed of leukemia
when I was 21.

-Sorry. I--
-It's okay.

Um, anything else?

Um, yeah.
Where do you live now?

Hicksville,
but you know that already.

Who do you live with?

What?

-What do you mean?
-Do you have

a roommate or, you know,
family, any...?

Wh-Where are these
questions coming from?

I'm just... just curious.
It's just...

-This have to do with Cole?
-Cole? What? No.

You know what's f*cked-up
about that guy?

-About Cole?
-Yeah, he-he came

to an AA meeting,
but he's not an addict, is he?

-Not that I'm aware of, no.
-Well, that's bullshit.

Well, I'm sure he had
a good reason for being there.

It's a little perverse,
don't you think?

Those meetings
are vulnerable spaces.

The guys really have
to trust each other.

I-I'm happy
to keep talking.

I just need something to eat.
I'm really starving.

Uh, sure.
I-I can make you

some eggs or...

uh, maybe some...

I have, uh...

crackers and cheese?

Yeah, yeah, anything.

[thunder rumbling]

[closes drawer]

Have you ever been married?

[laughs]

Why are you asking me that?

It's just a question.

What happened in California?

Who's this friend
you went to go see?

[sighs]

Went to see my ex-husband.

[chuckles]

Okay. How'd that go?

Fine.

Well, he must have said
something that upset you.

No, that's not
what this is about.

Are you sure?

It just seemed like everything
was fine last week,

and then you stand me up,
flee to California

and talk to your ex?

Suddenly,
I'm the bad guy?

Ben, are you married?

Why would I be here
if I was married?

Have you ever...

Have you ever been married?

-No.
-Do you live alone?

Yes.

[teakettle whistling]

Do you have kids?

[whistling continues]

No.

[whistling continues,
growing louder]

What kind of tea do you want?

[whistling fades]

[rummaging]

[paper rustling]

[paper ripping]

[pouring water]

I don't want tea.

Hey.

What's going on?

What happened?

You don't
trust me anymore.

This thing that's
happening between us

doesn't happen
to me all the time.

Does it happen to you?

[sighs]

So, why are you trying
to f*ck it up?

You don't even know me, Ben.

Yes, I do.

And I don't know you.

[thunder rumbling]

I-I've been in love
twice in my life.

-Am I one of them?
-No.

Okay. Your two exes,
I assume.

Yes.

They were really
different loves,

but they had
something in common.

I-I felt kind of like the victim

in both situations.

Okay.

How so?

Well, my... with my first,
with Cole, I was...

I was always a mess.

He was always the solid one,
and I was always falling apart.

And I convinced myself that he
would one day cheat on me.

So, instead, I...
I cheated on him.

And even after it was over,
I still told myself

that he was to blame.

I told myself that he
had driven me to do it

because he was
so unfeeling, so rigid.

After our son d*ed, he...

he made me carry the grief
for both of us,

so what choice
did I have, really?

-You didn't.
-Then, with Noah,

it was the opposite.
He was the dreamer.

He was the dramatic one.
He... I was the homebody.

He said that I grounded him,
and yet I cheated on him, too.

And yet again,
I convinced myself

that I was not to blame,

because he had abandoned me
for his career, his ambition,

so... what else could I do?

Okay. What are you
trying to say?

I-I-I just... I just think
that sometimes we get

into these patterns in life,
and we tell ourselves a story

about what kind of person we are

and how people treat us,
and it's not always true.

And... and as painful
as it's been to really

own up to my faults
and to recognize that...

I contributed to these
relationships falling apart,

it's also...

it's been really...

Made me like myself in a way
that I never did before.

Ben?

Ben, please just
be honest with me.

I can take it.

Just tell me who you are.

Tell me the truth.

[sighs]

You want to know
who I am?

Hmm?

Really?

Yes.

Okay. All right.

[drops plate on table]

You...

[Alison]
What are you doing?

[Ben] I'm gonna need
a drink for this.

Ben, don't.

It's fine, Alison.

I haven't told you
what I did, have I?

What do you mean?

During the w*r.

No.

Are you comfortable?

Maybe you should sit.

I'm fine.

Good.

This may take a while.

I was deployed for too long.

Only four months home.

Half of which I spent
in the f*cking hospital

because a f*cking IED
took off both my buddy's legs

and all the skin off mine.

But then I was right back
in the sandbox.

I mean, I barely had time
to visit my father

before they shipped me back out.

Six months into
my second deployment,

I didn't give a sh*t anymore.

I was done.

All the other guys,
they were all,

"Oh, I'm part of a machine
that never loses.

I'm a U.S. Marine."

I was like,
"We're losing, assholes.

We f*cking lost."

Everyone knew it.

Even the president knew it.

But there I was again,
back in the sh*t.

More counter-insurgency
nonsense,

where they can sh**t us
but we can't sh**t them.

Ben, stop.

Let me finish, please.

We took a Humvee

out of the base
one morning to get fuel.

It was a stupid
thing to do.

It was one
of those orders

that comes from above.

Everyone knows it's
a f*cking su1c1de mission,

and I was like, "Let it come.

If I can't go home
in an airplane,

then I'll go home in a casket."

This kid...

he came running towards us
with a burnt-out RPG.

He must have found it
discarded somewhere, and...

and he pointed it at me.

He was just playing around.

But I k*lled him.

You what?

Yeah. I sh*t him.

Wait.

But you knew he was unarmed.

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, there was
no grenade attached.

I could see that.

But you sh*t him anyway?

Yes.

Why?

I think I just wanted
to go home.

So there.

Now you know me.

That's who I am.

Are you sorry?

Of course I'm sorry.

But it wasn't my f*cking fault.

That kid was old enough
to know what he was doing.

He shouldn't have been playing
with a f*cking g*n.

But you knew it wasn't
an actual w*apon.

So, why'd you do it?

Why do you k*ll an ant, Alison?

Why do you k*ll a mouse?

Because you don't
f*cking want it

running around your house.

Because you don't want it
bothering you.

Okay.

Ben, it's getting late.

I think maybe
I should go to bed.

Fantastic. I'll join you.

No, I-I want to be alone.

Why?

I-I'm just...
it's just been a long week,

-and I'm... I'm really tired.
-Tired of f*cking your

-ex-husband in California?
-Oh, my God, no.

-That's not what happened.
-Come on, Alison.

Okay, you don't have
to believe me.

Good, because I don't.

Okay, Ben, I just
want you to go.

[scoffs]

What's going on?

Last week was fine.

You go to California,

you come back
a different person.

I'm a different person?
What about you?

-I mean--
-This is who I am.

This is who I've always been.
You're just peeling the onion.

Yeah, but you didn't tell me
that you're, uh...

What? What,
I didn't tell you

what happened
in the sandbox?

I'm sorry, I was
building up to that.

It's not exactly
first-date material.

-No, you didn't tell me that--
-What?

Nothing, okay?
I just want you to leave.

I don't want this.

You don't want what?

You don't want this?

Or this?

No.

Please go.

[sighs]

[thunder rumbling,
rain pattering]

I can't believe
you're doing this.

[voice breaking]
Why are you f*cking doing this?

Ben, please, I...

I just need a minute.

Okay?

[shuddering breaths]

I need you, Alison.

I'm in so much pain.

[shuddering breaths]

I know it scares you.

It scares me, too,

but we could be good together.

I know.

You can do this.

Yes, you can.
We both can.

-We both can.
-No.

I need you so badly.

I just need this.

I need this, Alison.
I need you.

You need to go home.

Just give me a minute.

-Please. No.
-Just give me a minute.

Just go home
to your f*cking wife.

Go home to who?

What did you say?

What do you know
about my wife, Alison?

I met her, you assh*le.

You what?

When?

Last week at your office.

Did you tell her about--

No, but I will.
I swear.

If you don't get out
of here right now.

If you ever f*cking
say anything to Heidi--

So just leave, and I won't.

And we never have to see
each other again, okay?

You seduced me.

I told you I was sober.

-Ben.
-I told you I couldn't

get involved with anyone,
but you wouldn't leave me alone.

That's not true.

-I didn't want this.
-Yes, you did.

I'm f*cking drinking again
because of you.

Why don't you admit
what you are, huh?

What I am?

You broke up
two marriages.

What, that wasn't
enough for you?

Say this is your fault.

And then I'll leave.

I don't owe you a thing.

You're an adult.

I didn't seduce you.

And even if I did, I'm allowed
to change my f*cking mind.

Now, get the f*ck out
of my house

before I call your f*cking wife.

[grunting]

♪ tense, atmospheric music ♪

♪ ♪ ♪

[thunder rumbling,
rain falling]

[wind whistling]

[Alison]
What are you gonna do, Ben?

You gonna k*ll me?

You think that scares me?

My son d*ed.

He d*ed in my f*cking arms.

So, what in God's name
do you think you can do to me

that I haven't done
to myself...

...a million times?

I have been in pain
my entire life.

And maybe that's
what makes people

think that I'm weak.

And maybe that
makes people treat me

like some sort of receptacle
for all their grief and rage.

And disappointment.

But I am f*cking sick of it.

I just want to live
a different life.

I want to live
a different story.

I'm still young.

I can be someone else.

Someone who deserves love.

Someone who can be happy.

♪ quiet, hypnotic music ♪

♪ ♪ ♪