04x22 - The Text Best Thing

[bunniefuu]

ADRIAN: Previously on The Secret
Life of the American Teenager...

It's summer school. It
doesn't really count, does it?

As a matter of fact, it does.

Is Amy home? Who's asking?

We're Amy's friends from New York.

You really need Henry, you know that?

How is it that Henry sleeps with Adrian

and you end up not
being friends with me?

Lauren just spoke to me!

If you make up with Lauren, I'm
going to be lost. I have no one.

I don't wanna watch someone else's kids.

Now I wish I hadn't told
Grace we were going out.

Then she neveranna watch
would have known.'s kids.

I still wanna be your girlfriend.

If you can be my friend

then maybe Ben could
be our friend again.

Dylan is smart enough
to keep her friends close

and her enemies closer.

That's why you still
need Alice and Henry.

I don't wanna have sex with you
without some kind of commitment.

You don't seriously think I can make
a commitment to you for life right now?

Will you marry me?

I love you, Adrian.

Take as long as you want to answer.

I know about the girls.

You are too smart to get
yourself into trouble with Ethan.

You don't think I should
be friends with Ben?

Tell Ricky you talked to Ben at
the pizza joint and then drop it.

You and Ben don't need to be friends.

You don't need to be enemies,

but you don't need to be friends.

Let's go find Daddy.

Hey you two, dinner's ready.

Mmm. Something smells
good, I'm starving.

Oh, it's just pasta, with
a tomato sauce, no meat.

Really? Pasta?

Come on, sit down. One of the customers

brought in some
tomatoes from her garden,

so I tried making a marinara sauce.

I'm usually the one
who makes the spaghetti.

Yeah, but rather than
make it with fake meat,

I decided to make it
with no meat at all.

I think it's pretty
good. And I made a salad.

She gave me some lettuce
right out of her garden.

It actually tastes like something,
not like the grocery stuff.

Yeah, the salad looks good,

but, um, spaghetti is like the
only thing I know how to cook.

Like I always say, if you
can read, you can cook,

but you don't have time to
cook, it's just not your thing.

It's okay, let's eat.

It's my thing, sometimes.

I just told you this morning
that I'd cook tomorrow night.

Yeah, but you don't have to.

But I want to.

I'm feeling really guilty about you
taking care of my friends last week

and I wanted to do
something nice for you.

This isn't going to taste
anything like your spaghetti,

so you can still make your
spaghetti tomorrow night if you want.

We can't have spaghetti
two nights in a row.

We can if you want.

There's no law against
it. Come on, let's eat.

You know that night when
I went out to get pizza

and it took like an hour
longer than it should have?

I guess.

I was talking to Ben.

I saw him at the pizza place
and we sat down and talked.

I just wanted you to know.

I guess you just wanted me
to know a couple weeks later,

but I don't really care.

You don't care?

Should I? Shouldn't you?

Why? It's Ben. You see him
at school every day anyway.

You don't even want to know
what we were talking about?

You can have a conversation with Ben

without telling me everything
you were talking about.

So, it was okay for me to
talk to Ben for an hour,

a whole hour while you
were waiting for the pizza?

I still got pizza.

Don't forget, I was
once married to the guy.

Don't forget, you weren't
really married to him.

And a lot of time has passed since then

and why are we talking about this?

Because I thought it might be a problem,

that Ben and I have
normalized our relationship.

As friends.

Unless normalizing your relationship
means you had sex with him,

I really don't care.

So, you're not even a
little bit upset with me?

Not unless you want me to be.

(SIGHING)

(SIGHS)

How was your day?

Good. Mine, too.

I'm sorry.

I've just been so
stressed out about this

and I couldn't find a way to tell you

so I just blurted it out

and I'm sure I took
you by surprise. So...

So, how do you like the sauce?

It's fine.

Hey, it's okay to be
angry with me or to snap.

You don't have to keep your
anger buried inside of you,

you don't have to stuff it down.

With some new sauce you made from
some woman who gave you tomatoes.

By the way, I would like to know

what woman is bringing
tomatoes into the shop for you.

Because unlike you, I am bothered
when you flirt with some woman,

any woman, because I care about you.

Does she know you're
engaged to be married?

No. I'm not wearing an engagement ring.

And you never mentioned it? Nope.

She's 79.

Oh.

So you were flirting with Ben?

No, I didn't say that.

Well, you drew a comparison between what
you were doing and what I was doing so...

What's going on?

Other than you're trying
to pick a fight with me.

And by the way, even if
you pick a fight with me,

I'm not going to ask for the ring back.

So if you don't want to get married,

you're going to have to say so.

Just say so soon, all right?

Hey, I want to get married, okay?

I said yes, didn't I?

Geez.

I'll just pick a date.

July the fourth of
next summer. How's that?

That's great. God bless America.

What does that mean?

Nothing. Really. I just said it.

Well it means something,
"God bless America."

No, it doesn't. You just surprised
me with the fourth of July.

What'd you want me to say?

Let freedom ring?

All right, that
definitely means something.

It means, I'd like to
feel you set the date

because you want to get married

and not because you're upset that
I'm not upset that you talked to Ben.

I doubt that tomato lady is 79.

♪ Falling in love is
such an easy thing to do

♪ Birds can do it We can do it

♪ Let's stop talking Let's get to it

♪ Let's fall in love

- 4th of July.
- 4th of July.

Interesting choice.

(SLOWLY) Why the fourth of July?

Why not now?

Yeah. (SLOWLY) Why not now?

Oh, she probably wants a big wedding.

When John is three

and they've been living
years at that point?

I should pay for that? Don't put that.

(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

She says not to worry, a big wedding.nt

What's Ricky saying?

He's just giving me a
recipe for tomato sauce.

He's going to have spaghetti saucee meat

for the rest of his life.
I don't care what recipe...

(CHIMES) Wait. Incoming.

Amy says some woman for tomato sauceipe

and he claims but she doubts it.

Oh, no, that's probably true.

Mrs. Garrity has a huge garden,

she always brings stuff in or she did.

She's 79. The lady is 79.

Who are you texting?

Uh... Mrs. Garrity, the woman who is 79.

No, you're not.

I could be. Who are you texting?

My dad. Who is mom again, isn't he?your

Yeah. So stop doing that to yourself.

Can we go to bed now?

Um... No. I have to in World History.er

But if you can sleep then go ahead.s on,

What is that?

I thought I'd make it a theme night

since we're getting
married the fourth of July.

You went out after dinner
July underwear?th of

No, I've been home all night.

Uh-huh. And so where did you get those?

I had them.

Yeah. Where'd you get them?

I don't know.

You would never go buy
yourself flag underwear.

Who are you texting? No one.

Well? My mom gave them to me.

You're sure the Tomato Lady?

It was supposed to be a joke.

You know why it's not funny?

Because your mother didn't
give you that underwear.

Just finish your homework
about my underwear.

And why don't you and
stop texting people.

Your mom did not buy that underwear.

Ricky says I gave him flag underwear.

What?

The fourth of July? The fourth of July?

Why would she pick the fourth of July?

So the whole country
can celebrate with them?

I can't take of July wedding plans.th

Maybe you could sleep with Ricky.

What, we're not your sleeping around?

What's the joke, that I'm a slut?

You're not a...

I don't like that word

and I don't think girls
should call other girls

sluts or skanks or any of that.

You know what, you
just need to get laid.

Uh, no, I don't.

Uh... No, you do,

if you did, you'd understand

that sleeping at too early an ageon

is seriously damaging
to your self-esteem.

Okay, I'm going to say
that you should have said,

"No thanks." Well, it's not that easy.

No. It is.

(SIGHS)

Look, if you're still angry
with me, you should just say so.

I'm still angry with you.

Okay, well, if the two of
us are going to be friends

we can't be angry with each other.

We need someone else to be
angry with, like a common enemy.

Like who? Amy?

Amy? Think about it.

Our entire high school experience

has been centered around Amy Juergens

and her having sex
one night at band camp.

It started our freshman year

and it's going to continue through
our senior year with her wedding plans.

It's all about her. It's never about us.

We need a life of our own that has
nothing to do with Amy and Ricky.

Not that we can't be friends
with her, she is our friend but...

But we're the girls
who didn't get pregnant

and life should be about us, too.

Right. And life shouldbg
other than just sex.

Yeah.

Like going to college
and picking a career

and traveling the world and
experiencing other cultures...

Bettering the world,
improving the environment,

making a contribution
that uplifts mankind.

But not in a sexual way.

Great.

Now that Lauren and
Madison are speaking again,

they're too busy for me.

And you're too busy for me.

No, not just you, you
and your flag underwear.

I'm changing.

It won't matter.

Ooh, I have to tell Henry.

But I thought we just agreed
that we were going to have lives

outside of Amy and Ricky so
why don't we not tell anyone?

Because I just did.

And besides, Henry is lonely.

And I feel guilty

because I haven't seen him since
you and I started talking again.

Oh, great. The fourth of July.

Amy and Ricky are getting
married the fourth of July.

I have no one to talk to.

(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

Wow. The fourth of July?

What's the fourth of
July? Alice just texted me.

Amy set a date. The
fourth of July next year.

Huh. Big deal.

If it's not a big deal,
why are you texting Adrian?

I don't know.

Who are you texting?

(GROANS) Ben.

You're texting your ex-husband
while you're kissing me?

We were just kissing.

You don't want to do more than kiss?

I do if you can get over
my texting my ex-husband.

Deal.

Are you texting?

Yeah. Adrian.

She's just texting me to let me know

that Amy and Ricky have set a date.

They're getting married
on the fourth of July.

Next summer.

Unreal.

That is ridiculous.

What is wrong with these people?

Getting married in high school?

Oh. I'm sorry. I forgot.

Really, though, what is
wrong with you people?

Who has babies and gets
married in high school?

Pregnant teenagers?

Don't they hand out
condoms at your high school?

Yeah, I guess they do.

Do they teach you to use them?

Like in life sciences,
biology, one of those classes?

They used to, but... Budget cuts.

Apparently the price
of bananas has soared.

It was a joke.

Oh. I get it.

I don't. I don't get it.

I don't get why so many
students at your high school

have sex and get pregnant,
or not, and get married.

In high school.

Well, I don't get why you
guys drink and smoke pot.

ALL: We quit.

(CELL PHONE CHIMING)

Oh... I don't believe this. It's Henry.

You're not still upset with him for
sleeping with your ex-wife are you?

Why do you care? Yeah.

It's not that I still care about her,

but it's about loyalty
and friendship and...

And sleeping with somebody
you still care about.

I do not still care about Adrian.

(CLEARING THROAT)

Or Amy.

Or any girl other than Dylan.

It seems to me if that were true

you'd text Henry back.

Seems that way to me, too.

Yeah. Yeah.

I got a text from Ben.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! This is it.

He's going to forgive me.

Life is going to return to normal.

(CHIMES)

+

What?

Well, you did such a great job
of taking care of little Robie

last time I left him with you that I thought
you might be ready to pull an all-nighter.

I have to work in the morning.

He sleeps all night, I'll
be back before he's up,

and if not, I put all his things
for breakfast in the refrigerator,

clearly marked and you can text me,

start breakfast and by
the time the miowave pings,

I'll be coming through the door.

You're going to have sex with
Kathleen? She's not divorced.

You could get caught up in
some legal something or other.

No. They had a prenup. Neither
one wants to be married.

They've filed. She's just
waiting. It's as clean as it gets.

George, it's not a good idea.

Once you sleep with her, you will
never be able to go back to Anne,

never.

I already told Anne I'm
never going back to her.

I know, I know, but there's always
a chance that when you see her again,

you might change your mind.

No chance at all. Anne is gay.

And Kathleen makes me gay.

You know, happy. Yeah, I know.

Don't do this, it's too soon.

And you don't know that Anne is gay.

She doesn't even know if she's gay.

I doubt she's even
thinking about being gay,

she's just over there
having a good time.

Well, I'm going to be over
here having a good time.

With my first wife. Who
I should have stayed with.

Because for one thing, she is not gay.

Please tell me that you
did not tell Kathleen

that you think Anne is gay.

I'm not an idiot. No. You are.

So, can you watch Robie or not?

No! No. No. No. No.

I do not want to be
responsible for Robie

or for whatever is going to happen
over there at Kathleen's house.

I take full responsibility.

She's got the new son over there,

she's got the other son who
just moved back into the house,

you do not want to be fooling
around with a married woman

with two children in the same house!

It's a recipe for disaster.

Nothing's going to happen.

What if Anne calls, what
am I supposed to do then?

The same thing you're supposed to
have done every other time she calls.

Find out if she is or if she ain't.

Please.

Hello, girls.

ALL: He is the King!

Ben, could I talk to you for a minute?

We'll be right outside.

So, what's wrong?

Nothing. George called me.

He said Amy and Ricky set a date.

I thought you should know before
you hear it from anyone else.

I already heard it. From Henry.

Oh. Nice of Henry to let you know.

He's looking out for you, even
though you're not speaking to him.

I acknowledged the text.

Oh.

I was forced into it
by Dylan and her g*ng.

Excellent.

So, is there anything else?

Not really.

You know, I don't even know how to text.

And you think now would be a good time
to learn while I'm entertaining guests?

Well, I thought I'd at least
let Camille and Betty know.

So call them.

Eh, it's not really
worthy of a phone call,

it's more just information.

You still haven't called
or talked to Camille?

I was hoping she'd call me.

Are you going to tell me
what you're fighting about?

If Iell you, would you then
text her using my cell phone?

Yeah, I guess.

She wants children.

(FAKING SURPRISE) She wants to adopt me?

I didn't think so. I don't
want any more children.

Thanks, Dad. And you told her this?

I think she got the message.

How? Through Betty.

I told Betty and Betty told her

and then I never heard from her again.

It's been too long so...
Do me a favor. Text her.

Or you know what else you could do?

You could pass her a note in class?

Smart ass, just do
it. Come on, hurry up.

What do you want to say?

"Dear Camille..." Never mind, I got it.

I'm just joking.

Apparently the Boykewich men
should just play it straight.

We're not funny.

You may not be funny, but
"Dear Camille," that was funny.

Seriously, we have got to get
Ben away from these people.

What's he doing with
this white trash anyway?

Technically, it's multi-cultural trash.

Well, he needs some
multi-cultural class.

He's a classy guy.

What? He is.

It is hard to defend
getting pregnant and married

and then divorced in high school.

They're bombarded every day with
messages about birth control.

Yeah, so? You're bombarded every day

with the dangers of pot and alcohol.

BOTH: We quit.

Oh. I know.

You know what we have to do?

Stop lying about your little
experiments with marijuana and alcohol?

No, no.

We have to get Ben to transfer
to our school next year,

so he can go to a real school.

You're right. He needs to
be in a better environment.

He's a senior.

Yeah, so this is his last chance.

Our school would look way better on his
college applications than his school.

It's a magnet school. It
has a very good reputation.

You're not sure about him, are you?

You don't want him
to come to our school?

Is that it?

No, that's not it.

Then he's coming to our school.

Oh! I thought you knew I was coming.

Didn't you get my text?

No, you got my text.
I know you got my text.

Yeah, but I was already ready for bed.

You sleep alone in that?

You never wore anything
like that when we were...

Never mind.

I'm so happy you texted me.

I have missed you so much.

I have missed you too but
I only want to be friends.

Can we be friends, please,
please, please, Alice?

I'm being friendly.

Be friendly in clothes. Fine.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I thought you said you
just wanted to be friends.

It's going to take time.

So if we ever got married,
what day would it be?

Jack, we're never going to get married.

You're going to college,

and then I'm going to another
college the year after that,

and we're not going to see
each other for four years

and then when we do see each other
we're both going to be with other people.

Or we start seeing each other again now,

and not just as friends,

and we can keep seeing each other
until you're out of high school,

and then in my second year and your
first year of college at the same school,

we live together.

And then we move in with
each other in another city

where we both get our first jobs

and then two years later, we
get married and have children,

two girls and a boy, and
we live happily ever after.

I can't do it.

I'm going to medical school

and then I'll have my
residency and all that.

We could figure it out, Grace.

If you wanted to be with
me, we could figure it out.

I just think it's too
soon to figure it out.

I don't believe that you
want to be just friends.

I just...

And I don't believe in the whole
happily ever after thing with you.

I've always loved you.

Jack, stop. I can't...

I have to go home. I
can't do this again.

Just give me a chance, Grace.

I'll think about it.

What can't wait until I leave?

It's Grace. She's on her way home and...

Take your shoes back off.
I'm not done with you yet.

Are you joking around or you're serious?

No, I'm telling Grace to
give us another half hour.

You better make that an
hour, I'm still recovering.

Okay. Another hour.

So, you think we'll be going to
that wedding the fourth of July,

you and me, together?

I don't know, that's a year from now.

I don't even know if I'll be invited.

And if you are, would
I be your plus one?

Is this a question where the answer

gives some indication of
how much I care about you?

I hope so.

I care about you. Good.

I care about you. So,
why don't we do this.

Why don't you and me make a commitment
to only see each other for the next year?

(LAUGHS) Omar, I made a
commitment to be with Ben

for the rest of my
life, and here we are.

Look, Adrian, I don't want to lose you.

And I know you're going to college

and you are going to be surrounded
by guys who want to be with you.

I don't want anyone else to be with you,

I don't want you to be
with anyone else but me.

So, could you make a
one year commitment?

Could you do that? No.

But I could do this.

I promise not to be with any
other man for the next week.

Week? Hear me out.

And if that works out,
and it probably will,

I promise not to be with any
other man for the next month,

and if that works out,

I promise not to be with any
other man for three months,

and et cetera, et cetera...

We work our way up to
the one year commitment.

All right. Deal.

Now, how about the next hour?

Week.

Starting with the next hour.

Oh. Mmm.

+

(CHIMES)

Hi, Leo.

Oh, Camille. I was just texting you.

Yeah, you're getting
pretty good at that.

If you get much better, I won't have
time to drive over between replies.

I just didn't want to call you.

And I certainly didn't have the
nerve to see you face to face.

But it's really good
to see you. Come on in.

Maybe we should talk.

I thought about it

and I just don't want to
have any more children.

Okay.

And I thought about it and I
still would like to have children.

But not if it means losing you.

But I don't want you to be with me

and then later look back
and wish you'd had kids.

It's just that...

I've given up so much of my
life already for you, Leo.

I know you didn't ask me to, but I did

and I just really want to have
a baby before it's too late.

I want children.

Hi, Mom.

I told you before, you're not funny.

Maybe I have a dark sense of humor.

A dork sense of humor?

Maybe that, yes.

I like humor directed internally.

Now get the heck out of here,
I'm trying to talk to Camille.

Good night.

You're so good at raising children.

Funny. No, you are.

Camille, this is just
one of those things.

I'm crazy about you,

but I cannot be a
father again at this age.

I don't even know if I can
be a father for one more year

until Ben graduates high
school and gets into college.

Which I hope is out of the
country. I need a break.

I cannot sign up for
another 18 years of this.

We could adopt a nine-year-old,
split the difference.

I told you how I feel.

I wish I didn't feel this way but I do.

Well, how do you feel about me?

You, I'm crazy about.

Leo...

I'm pregnant.

No, not really. (LAUGHS)

No, not really. I just
have a wicked sense of humor

You could have given me a heart att*ck.

No, I know you. You
have a very strong heart.

I'm not sure what you mean by that.

I mean I want to sleep over.

So your dad said I can sleep over?

No, I didn't get to ask him,

he just told me to get
the hell out of Dodge

'cause he was talking to Camille.

But you have to call your parents.

I did. While you were
talking to your dad.

And you got both of them on the phone

and your mom and your dad
said you can sleep over?

Yes.

All right, well,

we'll make out for another half
hour then I'll drive you home,

because I'm getting much better
at telling when you're lying.

I wasn't lying.

I was stretching the truth.

They said I could sleep
over at Mercedes' house.

LEO: Take her home. Promise.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

What?

Hello.

We can come back later.

No, please. We weren't doing anything.

It's Alice and Henry, right?

Right.

You texted me so, uh, I hope that meant

there's at least some possibility
we can be friends again.

Alice says she and I
can be friends again.

I told him to text you.

Well, you didn't exactly tell me to.

You suggested I text Henry.

No, I told you to text him

because I want you and
Henry to be friends.

Ben's used to being bossed around.

He's used to me bossing
him around anyway.

Well, now I'm bossing him around.

No one bosses me around.

LEO: Take her home now and
get rid of the other two.

Welcome back, Henry.

We could go down to the rec room.

We were just down there with my friends.

Well, now we can go down
there with Ben's friends.

You still need me.

The guest house is empty,
we could go there. Oh, yes.

Hi, Grace.

Hey.

How are you?

I guess I'd say I'm surprised.

Then again, not at all surprised.

I'd just dropped by to, um...

Say hello to your mom,

see how things are going
with your brother...

You buying any of that? Not really.

Okay, well, good to see you again.

Good night, Kathleen. Wait.

Grace, did you want something?

Yeah, I just wanted to k*ll an hour.

Adrian is with Omar,

but it turns out, I'd rather have
seen them than the two of you.

Good night. Good night.

So, Adrian is with Omar, huh?

Yeah.

I was just over at Jack's.

I don't know how that's going to work
out though, being friends with Jack.

Well you never know,

it's working out with my
being friends with George.

Mom, you're still married
and he's still whatever he is.

Okay, well then, when I'm not married,

and he's still whatever he is,

are you going to be okay
with my seeing George?

Because I'm really happy
when I'm with George.

Mom, he's been on and off
with Amy's mom for years.

What if you fall in love with him again,

or worse, what if you
have sex with him again

and he goes back to her again?

(LAUGHS) Well, I don't think
that that is going to happen.

In fact, he's already told her
that that's not going to happen.

Honey, I know that that
is not going to happen.

How do you know?

I just know.

No, you don't. No, I do.

As it turns out, Anne is...

You can't say anything
to Amy about this.

About what?

Anne is gay.

(SIGHS)

I hope this doesn't get out.

+

Oh. Hi. Oh, no.

Oh. Geez, we've overslept,
we've got school.

Who are you? Mercedes.

Your mom called, she's
got that wedding today

so she was leaving the house and
your dad's already left for work.

I told her you were in the shower

and that we were going for
breakfast before I take you home

since my dad doesn't really cook.

Perfect.

And they don't question these lies?

No. It's not lying, really.

It's more...

Fabricating an alternate reality.

She was never here.

Good night. I mean, day.

Bye, Henry and Alice.

And keep thinking about
transferring to our school.

Bye. See ya.

You're thinking of transferring to
their school in your senior year?

No. You can't do that. It's like
old times. We just spent the night.

Things are normal again.

I'm just thinking about it.

Ben, do you not realize that this
girl is your Fatal Attraction?

I don't think I'd say
she's my Fatal Attraction,

but maybe she's more my,
uh... Basic Instinct.

Let's go, Henry.

Uh...

It's going to take time.

(KNOCKING)

Good morning.

Say good morning, Ethan.

You don't have to keep telling me
that, I know to say good morning.

Well?

Good morning.

I was on my way to drop Ethan off

and I remembered I have a
little gift for you and Amy.

A gift?

You did tell me you set a date?

People get a gift for setting a date?

Well, Amy does. Where is she?

Didn't you tell her
that we were stopping by?

Yeah, but uh... She had to leave
early to take John by the nursery.

And she wanted to drop by her dad's.

I love the idea of the fourth of July.

It's kind of corny.

It is not corny. Well,
it's not romantic.

(SIGHS) Sure it is.

Why the fourth of July?

I don't know, Amy just picked it.

Is Amy patriotic?

(LAUGHS) More like idiotic. It's
an idiotic day to get married.

The Ides of March
would be a better date.

The Ides of March?

He's studying Shakespeare.

Well, good for him.

Give this to Amy.

What is it?

It's a calendar so she can mark
off the days till the wedding.

I mean, it took her long
enough to come up with a day,

and whether it's good or bad,

at least now you have a date.

You know, it took me a long
time to decide to marry her,

so I don't care that
it took her a few weeks,

couple of months,
whatever, to set a date.

Yeah, you do. Shut up.

Ricky!

What? I'm happy.

You don't sound happy. Ethan.

I've just got a lot on my mind, okay?

Like now you've got two
gay moms in the family?

What are you talking about? I'm not gay.

The other one. Nora is gay.

That's not two gay
moms, that's one gay mom.

Apparently people think
Amy's mom is gay, too.

But she's not. It's just a rumor.

Of course it is, otherwise I would know.

Where did you hear such a thing?

From Grace's brother.

George told Kathleen,
Kathleen told Grace and...

Okay, he just overheard.

She's not gay. Or maybe she is.

Nobody knows.

Okay. I just thought of something.

What if my mom was just drunk?

What if she had no idea
of what she was saying?

Then you're in a lot of trouble.

Well you didn't tell anybody, did you?

Who would I tell? Did you?

Just Omar. And I'm not
even sure if he heard me.

Why not?

Why don't you call your mom

see how she's doing this morning,

and, you know, just confirm
that she said what she said.

That's a good idea.

You're driving yourself
to school, right?

Right.

(SIGHS)

(BUZZING)

Hello? Mom?

Who is this? It's me,
Grace, your daughter?

I'm just kidding.
Honey, what's going on?

I just wanted to see if you were okay.

Yes, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?

I don't know. You were
drinking last night.

I had a couple of
glasses of wine, honey.

So, you're aware of what you told me.

About Amy's mom.

Yes, I'm aware.

And you're aware that I told you
not to say anything to anyone, right?

Right. Oh, Grace.

You didn't tell anyone, did you?

(SCOFFS) Who would I tell?
I have to get to school.

(GROANS)

(EXHALES)

Good morning. Good morning.

Those practices get earlier and earlier.

It's August. It's hot. Coach
has us coming in at sunrise.

Yeah. You doing okay with the team?

Yeah, I mean, I don't think
I'm going to be a starter,

but maybe by next season.
Or if someone gets injured.

Well, that's good, that's good.

This is a whole other level of playing.

College ball.

It's a whole new level of hurt, too.

Yeah.

So, Grace came by last night.
Everything go all right?

We're just friends.

Just friends, huh?

Well, I know that's not what you want,

but maybe that'll change.

Hey, listen, did you hear about...

Yeah, I heard, too. Yeah?

So, she's finally committing.

Committing?

Yeah. Making a declaration of love,

a lifetime decision, that's committing.

I was thinking of it more
as she's choosing her team.

Amy?

Amy's mother.

Oh, so Amy's mother's getting married.

I thought it was Amy
on the fourth of July.

I thought we were talking
about something else.

So did I.

But the important thing
is, we're communicating.

Everyone needs face time.

It's much better than all
that texting and tweeting

and electronic mailing and
all that other razzmatazz.

Things can get lost in translation.

Have a nice day.

If Amy and Ricky need
someone to officiate,

I'd love to preside.

All right.

And if Amy's mother ever decides
that she wants to get married again,

I am a proponent of gay marriage.

Oh, no.

Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

Amy is really going to
hate her new stepsister.

+

- Good morning.
- I am so sorry.

Sorry about what?

That you didn't get to stay longer.

Me, too. But probably for the best.

Nora was still awake when I got home,

just standing over the
crib staring at the kid.

She was too scared to go to sleep.

'Course if the kid woke up, he'd
be too scared to sleep again.

Oh, funny.

Uh, so... When is Anne coming home?

I don't know. I hope soon.

I love Robie, but I need some me time.

Me and you time.

Well, I hope you still
feel the same way,

after I tell you this.

Okay, so do not let
her know that we know.

Right. We're just going to
talk about the usual stuff.

Her. Right.

But we can't be angry with her

just because we once again are
focusing our lives around her drama.

No. Because this is not really her,

it's just something that
is going on in her life.

Or it will be when her mother gets back.

Of course, it's still not about us.

You think she knows?

Uh... Yeah.

And I think she's having
some sort of issue with it

otherwise she would have told us and we
would have found out before Grace found out.

Well, it's a possibility
that Grace is wrong.

She heard it from her mother.

Yeah, but she heard it from
Amy's father. And he's an idiot.

Hey.

Hey. Hey.

So, what's going on?

Nothing. Nothing.

Just waiting for Amy.

Oh? Why's that?

No reason.

Yeah, in case you haven't
heard, we're friends again.

Yeah, I heard, I just didn't care.

Well, well, well, speaking
of friends again...

What's going on, Benny?

You want to know what's going on?

No, it was a rhetorical question.

Another week and I am out of here

and the rest of you are
still in high school.

Ben's thinking of transferring.

Transferring? Where?

Oh, is this the part
where I speak for myself?

I'm thinking about
transferring high schools.

The idea was thrown out
there, I'm just considering it.

Oh, please don't tell me
you'd actually transfer schools

to be with that pot-smoking skank?

Yes. It's a possibility.

Have you lost your mind?

Hey, you can't talk
about my friend that way.

I'm a little out of practice.

Is Amy here yet?

Why? What's going on now?

You all know what is going on.

Thanks to you, yes.

Have you talked to your mother? Yes.

And I just want to say that
I shouldn't have said anything

and I'm really sorry I did.

And we should all just forget about it.

Please, you guys, I'm begging
you. Please, please, please.

If you're Amy's friends at all,

please don't say anything
about Amy's mother being gay.

Let's just talk about the wedding.

Let's talk about the fourth of July.

It's such a stupid day to get married.

Yeah, it is. Yeah, it really is.

(ALL AGREEING)

You told Kathleen that Mom is gay?

Morning.

I, uh... I think my ear is a little
clogged up from an earlier phone call.

What'd you say?

(LOUDER) Are you telling
people that Mom...

What? I can't hear you.

(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

(SIGHS) I only told Kathleen.

And only to make her feel
better about her marriage ending.

How would that make her feel
better about her marriage ending?

Well, at least her husband
didn't turn her gay.

(CLEARS THROAT) Good morning, Amy.

No one turns anyone,
okay? I beg to differ.

You don't know anything about it.

I don't know if you know
anything about anything.

You were married.

Your husband b*at the crap
out of you and you turned.

First of all, congratulations on
basically comparing yourself to my husband

as someone who turns women gay.

Idiot, and second of all,

I was gay.

I did not have the courage
to be gay at the time

and I got married and my
husband b*at the crap out of me

and I was still gay and I still am.

And thirdly, Amy, your mom
hasn't said that she's gay.

I know but she says
she's not gay so much...

I know, but there may be many
different reasons for that.

And your father here wants
to believe that she's gay

so he doesn't have to feel
guilty about seeing Kathleen.

Well, you should feel guilty.

Anyway, congratulations on
setting a date for your wedding.

I love the fourth of July.

I even bought Ricky some
flag underwear last year.

Yeah.

Bye.

Thanks, Mom.

(SIGHS)

Everyone knows. Everyone.

How does everyone know? Duh, texting.

I don't even know. I
just told Kathleen that...

I thought your mom might be gay.

Do you realize that Mom is
going to come home next week

and everyone is going
to be talking about this?

No. By next week, they'll be
talking about something new.

Dad, it was wrong of you to say anything

because this is Mom's personal business

and because you don't know!

You can't know, no one
can unless Mom says so.

Yeah, but I got a hunch.

Just like I got a hunch that you
set a date that's more of a deadline.

What?

I don't think you know if you
really want to get married,

so you figure you'd set a date and
try to talk yourself into it by then.

Nora's right. You don't
know anything about anything.