05x10 - Regrets

[bunniefuu]

GRACE: Previously on
The Secret Life
of the American Teenager...

It wasn't easy
to find a couple
that I liked.

I'm just
looking out for you.

I can look out
for myself.

So why can't
you guys have kids?

You slept with Alice
while we were dating?

It was an accident.

Oh, this creep
hassled Adrian before.

What kind of creep?

Some pimp on
a recruiting mission.

What if the couple
backs out because of you?

We've got to
apologize to Henry.

You're missing out.

The girls are here.
They're walking the halls.

There's a party?
If you've got the money.

Do you have any idea
how dangerous pimps are?

If I scream,
how much can
you come up with?

How old are you?

Fifteen-year-old-girl
nabbed by some guy,
turned into a prost*tute.

That's like treating a woman
as if she's property.

I swear,
I didn't do anything.

She's a kid.

You're the best
husband in the world.

I'm not your husband.

We have to do
something about that.

I apologize
for what happened.

If you want to
go out with Dylan,

then may the best man win.

I'm sorry
about the way I've acted.

Sometimes
I don't like that
couple either.

I just have to suck it up,
because they're really going
to be good parents.

Whoo!
(WHISTLE BLOWS)

And you're live.

We're here watching
Christian quarterback
sensation Jack Pappas,

who bravely stepped forward
last week and spoke out

against girls
who are being trafficked,

a problem he found himself
coping with
when hookers were brought in

to the athletic dorm
at this college campus.

When police arrived,
Jack encouraged
a 15-year-old girl

to come forward
and tell her story,

a girl who was since
reunited with her family.

The man who held her c*ptive
for the past two years
is still at large.

Jack, how are you?

I'm doing well, thank you.

Hope we're getting ready
to win the big game
this weekend.

So, Jack,
I understand that
you're a Christian,

or is this just a play
to get some publicity

for the school
by mimicking Tebow?

Oh, I could only
hope to mimic Tim Tebow.

He's a good man.
He's a good example for
anyone involved in sports.

So, in fact,
you are a Christian?

I am.
And I understand
your girlfriend,

who's a high school senior,
is also a Christian.

Come on over here, Grace.

Yeah, she is, in fact,
she's really responsible
for my being who I am.

More so than your dad
who's a minister?

Yeah.

Hi Grace, it's Grace,
isn't it?

Yes, it is.

Were you surprised
that your boyfriend here

was caught with a prost*tute
in his room?

Well, that doesn't
sound like what happened,
now does it?

The girl approached me,
she was panicked,

she was trying to meet
a quota for the night.

I didn't know
about these things,
she told me.

Anyway, she practically
begged me to hire her,
but I couldn't.

I was going to give her
whatever cash I had on me

to keep her from
going to anyone else,
and about that time,

the police arrived,
and because

she was underage
and in a lot of danger,

I encouraged her
to tell the police

so she could get back home
safe to her family.

So as Christians,
I guess the two of you

don't believe
in premarital sex, do you?

Do we believe that
it exists? Yes.

Do we believe
it's the best thing for us

at this point
in our relationship?
No.

So you two,
you've never had sex
with each other?

Well, we had sex before,
a couple of years ago,

and it was great,
but as it turned out,

it wrecked our relationship.

(MUTTERING) On camera.
We are on camera,

Fortunately,
we got back together
and saw the light

and now I'm committed
to abstinence
for the time being.

Good luck with that.

And good luck
with the big game
next weekend.

Well, I wasn't expecting
to uncover the best part
of the story.

Unintentional scoop.

Back to you in the newsroom.

What the hell
were you thinking?

Cut.

♪ Falling in love
is such an easy
thing to do

♪ Birds can do it
We can do it

♪ Let's stop talking
Let's get to it

♪ Let's fall in love

Watch where you're going!

Yeah. I'll do that.

Good advice for anyone.
What does that mean?

Nothing, just making your
mean something.nishment

Like watch out for where
you're going in life.

I'm not going anywhere!

Yeah, I'm afraid
that might be true.

You may one of
those girls who is smart

and works hard
in high school

and has plans
and dreams of

going to college
and getting a degree

in medicine
and becoming a doctor,

only she gets involved
with some football player,

falls in love,
gets pregnant

and ends up not
going to college

until the children
are grown

and she's divorced
from the husband

and has to make
her own living.

How long have you
been holding that in?

Not that long.
Okay, well,

I will be going to college
and becoming a doctor,

skipping med camp
to wreck my life.

(SIGHS ANGRILY)

(MUTTERING)
to med camp! Ugh! go

Saw you on
the morning news!

Did they, um...

Did they play
the whole thing?

You mean the part
where you said,

"What the hell are you doing?"
after the part

where Jack had said
in high school?

I'm always here
if you want to talk.

Wendy's dad just
pulled her out of school?

What!
Oh, yeah,

she is out as of today
and he's putting her back

in another private school
not want her here,

and doesn't want her
hanging out with us anymore.

Well, that's insulting!
What did we do?

Where should I begin?

Let me see... Oh!
We got busted for pot!

She wasn't smoking,
we were.

She was with us.
So?

So it wasn't the first time.
We've gotten caught before.

He doesn't know
about before,

it can't be the pot.

Maybe it
could be the fire,

the possibility
you and Ben b*rned
down the school.

No, we didn't,
it was a faulty gas line.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.
It was a faulty gas line

or someone's rich daddy
got the authorities to lie.

My dad would never do that.

Yeah, he would.
And so would Ben's.

But neither of them did.

Is that what people think?

I don't know,

but maybe that's what
Cop Pop thinks.

And maybe Wendy's dad
knows something we don't.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

No one paid anyone off,
it was an accident.

Well, the headline
in the newspaper
about Jack being involved

with a hooker really
sent him over the line.

We don't have anything
to do with that,

with Jack or with...

Oh, yeah,
Raven dated Jack.

But he saved that hooker!

Go back to Raven dated Jack.

We've all been around Jack,

and he is in
visiting Grace and...e

Well, hookers
are dangerous.

dr*gs, arson,
hookers and pimps,

I think it all added up
yanked out of school.

I'm late
called my mom.s dad

And he's going
Mercedes,our dad,

and he's going to call
your mom and dad, Dylan.

Because?
Because?

(SIGHS) Because he didn't
from her friends,y away

but he's sending her

to an all girl's school.

(SIGHS)

If our parents send us
to an all girl's school,

I may never see Ben again.

Or Henry.

I vote Henry.

Dylan?

What?

If he doesn't want her
to hang out with us,

they're not going to send us
to the same school as her.

There are plenty of
private girl's schools,

maybe he has a list.

I'm not going
to another school,

I don't care
what my parents say,

I'm staying right here.

So are you going out
with her or not?

Uh, I asked her out,
she turned me down.

Are you going out with her?

Truthfully,

only to get back
at you and Alice.

You don't like Dylan?

It's not that
I don't like her,
it's just that

I never should
have broken up
with Alice

and then I never would
have slept with Adrian

and you never would have
slept with Alice

and then our lives
would not be so screwed up!

(SIGHS) Or we could have
waited until we were out
of high school to have sex.

Too late for that.
(CHUCKLES)

Hello.

Oh. Uh... Hello.

Did you get
any interesting
mail lately?

No.

I got a copy of a letter
of acceptance for you

to a school that I always
wanted to go to.

Hudson University
in New York.

Really?
Congratulations.

That's an early acceptance.

And that probably means
you're going to
have several choices

by next spring
because that's a tough
school to get into.

That makes me
very happy. (CHUCKLES)

It wasn't my first choice,

but that makes me very happy.

What was your first choice?

Whatever school
Amy Juergens Underwood
gets into.

And don't tell me
to just let go of Amy.

I'm sick of people
telling me to let go of Amy.

I don't want to
let go of Amy.

I know I can't have
a real relationship
with anybody else until I do,

but every relationship
I've ever been in

has just been to k*ll time
until my turn comes around
again,

and it will,
I know it will.

(GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION)

I'm not afraid of
falling in love with you.

I know, Ethan.
I thought about it,

and I'm afraid.

I'm afraid you'd only
fall in love with me
because I'm pregnant.

I'm afraid you won't be
so in love with me

when I'm not pregnant,
and when I don't have a baby.

I like you, but come on,
it's weird that you like me.

I more than like you,

and I would more than
like you if you weren't
having a baby.

Are you kidding me?

Remember, I was attracted
to you from the back.

I didn't even see
that you were pregnant.

The baby has nothing
to do with it.

I'm sorry,
but I just think
it would be better

if you and I don't see
each other again

until after
the baby comes.

Oh. So you just decided.

It's not even up
for discussion.

This is not your idea!
I know it's not your idea!

It's that stupid
couple's idea!

+

I think that's nice.

Amy wanted to
have 50 people,

that's 49,

but I like
having an odd number
of people at tables.

I do too,
that puts all the parents
at one table,

you and George
and Margaret,

and Shaker and Nora
plus the bride and groom.

Oh, wait a minute,
you know what's
wrong with this?

George is gonna
bring Kathleen.
Oh.

And then you'll want
to bring a date,

so we put the bride
and groom at their own
little table and voila,

we're back to seven
at the table.

The only problem being
I probably won't have a date,

I haven't had
one yet anyway.

You need to get out
and meet some people.

Oh, I don't really
know any of your people.

Not anyone
I'd introduce you to anyway.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Oh. Sorry.

That's the nurse
in assisted care,
I got to take this.

Come on,
it's pretty funny.

No, it's not going
to be that funny
when she gets here.

That was
really stupid of Jack.

You got to give it to the guy,
he was just being honest,

going off
the top of his head,

wasn't editing
anything for the public.

Well, maybe he should have.

Nah, he came off really well,

like a 19-year-old-guy
who's trying to
do the right thing.

And Grace was cute,
it's kind of sweet

that she was
so embarrassed.

Well, I just hope
it all goes away quickly.

I doubt that.
It's probably going
to be picked up

by every news
and sports show
in the country.

Oh, no!
That can't happen!

Grace will be
completely humiliated.

Why?
Because,

she doesn't want
people to know she had
sex in high school!

She shouldn't care
what people think.

She's doing the right
thing now, so...

George, it's all my fault.

I can't believe
I went along with Marshall

on making her wear
that stupid promise ring.

I mean, it just made sex
so appealing to her!

I think sex is
pretty appealing on its
own and ultimately,

all you can do is tell 'em
how you feel
about having sex

while they're in high school
and then they have to decide,

it's their decision.

Yeah, but do you never
feel guilty about
Amy getting pregnant?

I mean, you never question
whether you should
have tald to her more

or not given her
so much freedom
or anything like that?

Yeah, I felt a little guilty

but really,
I couldn't have gone

to band camp
with her and sat in

on her make-out session
with Ricky
and stopped the two of them.

Maybe I could have
talked to her more
about waiting to have sex,

but it really
wasn't my fault,

I can only be responsible
for myself.

I love Amy and Ashley
and Robie,

but when it comes
down to it,

I wish I'd just
picked up my socks.

Aw.

George, I wish I'd just
picked up your socks.

It really shouldn't have
been that big of a deal.

So, you want to start
thinking about maybe
spending a night together?

Yeah.

Let's do that.

Say, next weekend?

Let me make the plans.

Okay.
(PHONE BEEPS)

Oh. Probably Mimsy.

Aw. That's so sweet.

She learned to use email
and she's got
a Twitter account

and she's on
some social network

and you know what
she's telling everyone?

What?
(CHUCKLING)

My mother is emailing
and texting and tweeting

everyone in the country
that I'm gay!

Well, bless her
little pea-picking heart.

Maybe you'll get a date
for the wedding.

What was that idiot nurse
thinking in teaching

all of these old people
how to email
and text and tweet?

That they need
cyber-friends

because their families
don't spend time with them?

I spend time
with my mother!

I see her almost every day!

Oh, I know, I'm just saying
old people get lonely

and it may not be
such a bad thing.

No, it's a bad thing,
I know it's a bad thing.

Let's just take
a "we'll see" attitude,
all right?

You need friends,
girlfriends,

lesbian girlfriends.

Talk to Nora.

I don't think Nora has
a lot of friends,

and she doesn't know
anyone else
to introduce me to.

Else, pray tell?

Nora set me up once,
but it didn't work out.

I ran into my old boyfriend
at the bar and took off.

I can't ask Nora
to fix me up again.

And, geez,
I wish I had never told
my mother anything.

She doesn't even know
who I am half the time.

Okay, well,
are we done here?

No. I want
to have something
to show to Amy.

We are not done here.

Okay. So, flowers.

Yes, flowers.

Any particular kind?

Oh! Of course.
You meant what kind.

What says,
"I don't really want
to be married,

"but I had a baby
in high school,

"so I got married

"and now
we're getting
married again

"because my mother
wants me to,

"even though she is gay
and can't find a date"?

Thistle?

(ELEVATOR DINGS)
(LAUGHING)

(CHUCKLING) Hello.
How was lunch?

Lunch was good.
What's so funny?

Oh, Anne's mother.
She's a riot.

Oh, yeah?
Listen to this.

"40-year-old lesbian
with three children,

"18, 17 and two,
don't ask,

"looking for a date,
not good with long-term
relationships,

"neurotic, can't cook,

"big feet, small heart,
newly gay,

"has her own business
and plenty of dough."

Hilarious! Hi-larious.
(LAUGHING)

Okay.

Oh.

Did you want
to tell me something?

Yeah.

Go get in the car,
the driver's waiting.

We're going to a wedding.

We'll stop by
and pick up Ben.

Your wedding?
I'm going to be a witness?

Oh, my God! Leo!

Oh, congratulations!

Okay. Well, save it
for after the "I do's."

Oh.

Let's go.
Yeah, yeah.

+

Okay, got to run,
got an emergency.

An emergency
of the good kind.
(CHUCKLES)

I got class!

I'll just be gone
for an hour,

hand it over to
Smiley over here

or put a sign
in the door.

Wait.
Where are you going?

What's a good emergency?

Wouldn't you like to know?

Oh. Here's some
mail for you.

Went into
the shop's mailbox
instead of yours.

Not for you,
for your bride.

Are you leaving the state?
'Cause I'd need to know. Bye.

(PHONE RINGING)

AMY: (ON MACHINE)
Hey, it's Amy.

I'm married!
Leave a message.

(BEEPS)

It's your
husband calling.

I got an interesting
piece of mail for you.

Call me when
you get a chance.

(SIGHS)

Hey, I need some help.
Of course.

Could you pull Ben
out of class?
I need him for something.

Oh?

I can't tell you.

But I need him
excused for
the rest of the day.

Ben can tell you tomorrow.

That's not usually
how it's done here,
but all right.

OhHi.

I was looking
for the counselor.

She'll be right back.

Yeah, you saw
what you saw,
all right?

What'd I see?
I'm having a baby.

I noticed.
None of my business.

My stupid boyfriend
thinks he's Ben Boykewich
or something.

Oh? Who's that?

He's this idiot that
fell in love with
this pregnant girl

as a freshman
and then went
a little nutty.

How so?
She was having
another guy's baby,

a guy she's now
married to,

and Ben's still
not over her.

He started smoking pot
and burning down schools
and...

Believe me, he's nuts.

Anyway, I just don't
want that to happen

to my boyfriend,
you know?

I don't want to ruin his life
just bause I did

something I shouldn't have.

You know what, sweetheart?

Maybe you should let him
decide that.

Let him decide whether or not
he wants to get involved,

if he doesn't,
I'm sure he'll tell you.

I mean, he's not crazy
Ben Boykewich, right?

Right. But...

What if he wanted
to tell me he doesn't

want to be involved
with me,

but he won't
because he really
just feels sorry for me

and he doesn't have
the guts to tell me
he doesn't really want

to stick around
so he just does?

Later, he'd just be
filled with regret.

Like I am.

And... I don't know.

You're too young
to be filled with regret.

A rose is a rose is a rose.

And you're a rose whether
you're having a baby or not,

so if the man loves roses,
well, he loves roses

and there ain't nothin'
you can do about it.

But I did do
something about it,

I broke up with him.

We had just gotten
back together

and then the couple
adopting my baby

suggested I break up
with him, so I did.

And he so knew it.

Ugh.

What's going on?

Oh. There you are.

I got
a little surprise for you.
I'll tell you in the car.

In the car? What?

Come on,
just go with me on this.

Oh. Leo Boykewich.

Nice to meet you.
Take care.

You're a sweetheart
for caring about
what happens to the guy.

You're very considerate,

probably why
he's in love with you.

Bye now.

What was that about?
Nothing.

Kid's all worried
because some guy
is in love with her.

And you told her what?

That he'd be
in love with her

whether or not
she was pregnant.

So you think I would have
fallen in love with Amy

whether or not
she was pregnant?

I thought you thought
you should have
discouraged me from that.

Have you learned nothing
from me and my life?

(LAUGHS)

(SIGHS)

I have learned
plenty from you, Son.

Come on.
Feel like going
to a wedding?

Your wedding?
My wedding. Right now.

Hmm. Mind if I bring
a date or two?

No, not Dylan,

I was just thinking
this might be
the kind of opportunity

that could bring
Henry and Alice and me
all back together.

Hurry up.

(CHUCKLES)

All right, Amy,
I'm leaving for school

and I don't like to talk
on the phone in the car,

but maybe you could
just leave me a message

and let me know
why you're getting a letter
from Hudson University

in New York.
I'm just curious.

(SIGHS)

+

(SIGHS)

Hey!
Where are you going?

I just couldn't decide
if I want coffee or not.

You just wanted to talk
to Clementine
and now I'm here.

No.

I heard you
walked her back
to her dorm.

No, you didn't.
Did you?

What business
is that of yours?

You know I really
did want a coffee

but I didn't
want to talk to you

because you're
a pain in the ass.

Uh-oh, someone's
in a bad mood.

Have a fight with Amy?

Have a fight with Amy?

Hello,
that's no one's business
if I had a fight with Amy,

but I did not have
a fight with Amy, all right?

We shouldn't
have asked him.

(SCOFFS)
Okay, um, "we"?
There's no "we."

I am his former girlfriend.
For years.

I know him a little
better than you do

and I can ask him
anything I want.

You don't know him
better than I do, all right?

I've known him longer.

I've known him
more intimately.

Unless you two
are lying.

I don't lie.

Oh? So when you
met Jack at Amy's,

you had never
met Jack before?

I just didn't want
to put Grace

in an awkward situation
that Jack and I had created.

So you lied.
All right. I lied.

Sometimes I lie.

But I am not lying
when I say I've never
had sex with Ricky.

(CHUCKLES)
Sex with Ricky was
so great for me.

Took me years
to get over him.

But now I'm over him.

Oh, are you?

Mmm. He's like a kid to me
now that I'm with Omar.

Then how come you keep
waiting for him
in the coffee shop?

I wasn't waiting for him.

So you're a liar too.

Hello, ladies.

Hey, sit down.

Oh, I can't.
I'm just grabbing

a couple of
coffees to go.

A couple?

Yeah, Ricky's waiting
for me out front.

So, how's it feel
being a celebrity?

It's okay.
They never caught the guy,
huh? The pimp?

No, but I don't
think he'll be
coming around again.

No, but if he does
and if he follows me home,

he'll have a little
surprise waiting for him.

Uh, Omar's moving in.

To yours and Ben's condo?

What's wrong with that?

Uh, nothing I guess.

We are going to be
having lots and
lots of hot sex.

I don't care.

You know, I saw you
on TV this morning,
on the news.

Yeah, well,
I didn't say people
shouldn't have sex,

I just said it was wrong
for me and Grace right now.

Well, how about for you
and Clementine?

Is it wrong for you
and Clementine?

Honestly, Adrian,
when I think about that
I'm ashamed of myself.

That was the wrong
thing to do.

Okay.
It's not going
to happen again.

All right.
No seriously.

Here you go,
two coffees.

Thanks.

You know, I slept
with him, too.

Tell me something,

do you regret sleeping
with anyone
you've slept with?

Yeah. Maybe Henry.

Ugh.

Leo's mother would be
so happy about this.

Well, I'm ju so touched
that Leo would give me
her ring.

I'm going to give you
everything you want, babe.

Oh, Leo.
You've made me
so happy.

Oh, congratulations you two,

I better get back to work.

Bye.

Bye.

Oh, myod.
That bathroom is enormous.

I wanted to take
a bath in the sink.

Help yourself.

Oh, Nora, I'm so glad
you were here.

Thank you for being
our witness.

And you've done
such a great job
taking over for me.

Oh, I don't know
about that.

I can't imagine
you'd ever be gone
for half the afternoon.

Right.
I better get going.

(LAUGHS) Bye you two.
Love you.

Love the two of you.
Congratulations.

Bye.
Bye.

All right, knock it off
you two lovebirds.

There'll be plenty
of time for that.

So, we didn't have
a wedding cake on hand,

but there was
a frozen sausage pizza.

Pizza pie anyone?

No thanks, my bride and I
are going to take off.

Oh. All right-y.

Well, have
a nice afternoon?
Evening? Week?

We'll be back tomorrow.
And you three
behave yourselves.

Sure thing, Mr. Boykewich.
Congratulations.

Yeah, congratulations.
It's so nice to
see you two so happy.

I didn't get a chance
to tell you how
sincerely sorry

I am for everything
that I said to you.

Well, I did get
several chances
but I didn't apologize.

Camille, I love you,

and I think you and Dad
are going to be
very happy together.

And I apologize
for every bad thing
that I said to you.

Oh, Ben,
I know you didn't mean it.

And I'm sorry
I punched you.

(LAUGHS)

But, you know,
if it led to this,
then...

It was all meant to be.

See you two tomorrow.

You think he'll be upset
when he finds out?

No. I don't.
He's always
wanted a sister.

We still have to get cleared
through social services

and that
could take months.

We'll see.

We should have
done this years ago.

I'm sorry.
That's okay.

Leo, I don't have any regrets,

I just got everything
I've ever wanted in life.

You are such a great
keyboard player.

Thank you.
I appreciate that.

Where'd you
learn to play?
Juvie.

Oh!

She doesn't want
to break up with you.

You were right.
That stupid couple told her
to break up with you.

I knew it.

But, I'm not going back
with her if she's going
to listen to them.

Really?
Yeah.

Really.
I don't need this.

I've had enough
rejection in my life.

Okay. Well,
pick one.

Mmm-hmm.

We're interested.
Pick one of us.

(SCOFFS) No.

Why not?
Yeah, why not?

I mean,
we're as cute
as you are.

That has nothing to do
with anything,

you're supposed to
be Kathy's friends.

She dumped you.

She didn't dump you.

No. But she sent us
over here to tell you

she wants
to get back together

and we've done that,
and now we're hitting on you.

For real. Pick one.

No.
I've let a guy go
to third base before.

Which doesn't
mean anything.

Okay, we don't even know
what the bases are.

But I'm sure somebody coming
from your background

could show us,
or maybe one of us.

I have to get out of here.
Do you mind?

He's totally hot.
Yeah.

How'd she get him?

I don't know.

I mean, she's pregnant.

Maybe he's a freak
like Ben Boykewich.

(CHUCKLES)

I saw him.

He didn't look good.

Yeah, unfortunately,
he doesn't want
to go back with you.

All right... Well,
probably for the best.

Mmm. So, do you mind?

Mind?

We need boyfriends.

So we're hoping, since
he's free, he would just
choose one of us.

'Cause he's not
choosing you.

(SNIFFLING)

+

Hello.

Hi.

Hello.

Yeah. You know,
the directions over here
were totaWhat?ss.

My mother gave you
directions?

I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.
My mother has Alzheimer's.

And she doesn't know
what she's talking
about half the time,

and some idiot nurse
taught her how to email
and text and tweet,

and thank you all
for coming but really,

I'm not ready to date
and I'm sure
that when I am,

I can find someone
all by myself.

I'm sure you can.

So thank you all for coming,
but really, you can go now.

I'm okay, really.

Would you like to stick
around for the AA meeting?

What?

Having an AA meeting,
didn't know you were coming.
(CHUCKLES)

An AA meeting?
Yeah.

They had something
at the church tonight so
George said it'd be okay.

Oh!

My mother...

Oh, my God.
Never mind.

And I'll be right back.

My mother has been
sending out...

I know,
I get all the messages.

She has my email address
and my phone number

and I'm following her
on Twitter.

She's funny.
No, she's not.

No, she is.
(FIRMLY) No. She is not.

Okay, okay.

Hey, guess who got
married today?

George and Kathleen?
What?

No. Leo and Camille.

At their house with a judge
and I got to be a witness.

Oh. Nice.
Good for them.

Hi.

You know, my mother
has Alzheimer's too.

It's pretty tough,
isn't it?

Yeah, it really is.

I'll just be, um,
in there. Or somewhere.

I'm Nora's sponsor.
Willowdine.

Willowdine!
That's a beautiful name.

I'm Anne.
And you have
an 18-year-old

and a 17-year-old
and a two-year-old.

Because Nora forwarded me
the emails.

(LAUGHS)

And I'm gay,
we're all gay,
it's a gay group.

Oh.

Hi. Sorry I'm late.

I would have called
but I left my phone
at home.

Hi.
Hi.

Talk to you later. Mmm.
Oh, bye.

Who's that?

Oh, Nora's having
an AA meeting
in the living room.

Your father told her
it was okay.
I didn't know,

or I could have met you
at your apartment.

Yeah, but we said here
and I couldn't call,

because I left
my stupid phone
at home today.

I just wanted to show you

what I thought might
make a nice backyard wedding

and then if you like it,
I'll show Nora and Margaret.

Could we do this
some other time,

or do we have to
even do it at all?

I'm sure that whatever
you put together is fine.
Really.

I just really
want to get home,

I didn't tell Ricky
I was stopping by here.

Well, why don't you
just call him from
the phone here?

Donovan and I
have been working
on this all day.

Mom, I'm sorry,
I just really
want to go home.

Is everything okay?
Yeah. As far as I know.

I got accepted into
Hudson University in New York.

The counselor told me today.

I forgot I even applied.
I applied last spring.

So I want to get home
in case the acceptance
letter came in today

so I can tear it up
because I don't want
Ricky to think

that I don't want
to get married

so that I can go to school
in New York instead.

Remarried.
Yeah.

Let me ask you something
and answer honestly, okay?

Would you rather be single
and living in New York

with John
and going to college

or living with Ricky
and John here?

Uh... Honestly,
(CHUCKLES)

I'd like it if John and Ricky
and I could live in New York

and I could go
to school in New York.

But I can't.

And that's just how it is.

Well, maybe you can
have everything
that you want, Amy.

Talk to Ricky.
Don't just throw away
the acceptance letter,

talk to him.

And talk to him about
the wedding, too. Okay?

Here. Take these
with you, and call me.

Don't email,
don't text. Call.

Okay. Goodnight.
Thank you.

Come on, bud.

I used to fantasize
about marrying you.

All the girls
in the house did.

Oh, they did not.
Oh, they did too.

You remember,
I stole a lock of your hair
while you were sleeping?

(CHUCKLES)
That was to put
some spell on me.

Mmm-hmm.
A love spell!

(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

Whose call
are you ignoring?

I have to go.

You said that hours ago.

Well, Amy finally decided
to return my calls, so...

I have to go.
Goodnight.
Thanks.

I just needed to be
out of the house
for a while.

I was feeling myself
getting a little too angry.

Anytime.

Even though I get annoyed
with Amy sometimes,

I don't regret having John
and getting married.

Okay.

Okay.

You got someone
to walk you home?

Yeah. I'll be calling Bubba
till they find that guy.

All right.
Goodnight.

Goodnight.

+

Hey, guess what!

got a message from
Leo on the way home,

he and Camille
got married today.

Well, congratulations to them.
Where have you been?

Where have I been?
Where have you been
all day?

You haven't answered
any of my phone calls
or messages.

I left my phone
at home, okay?

Never occurred to me.

I was where I usually am.
At school. At work.

Then I had to drop by
my dad's house

to pick up stupid
wedding stuff
from my mother.

Where have you been?
You didn't say.

I know I didn't say.

I've been where
I always am. At school.

(SIGHS) Your last class
was at 3:00.

You always have
dinner ready.

I got home late
and I had to feed John

a peanut butter
and jelly sandwich.

So what?
He can eat that one night.

Have you eaten?
Who'd you have dinner with?

I haven't eaten.

I left you a message
and said I'd pick up
something if you wanted.

But maybe
you didn't get that

because you were
listening to the 47
other messages I left you.

Did you open my mail?

You know what? I did.

That's a federal offense!

Have me arrested.

Ricky, you cannot
open my mail.

I did. And you got into
Hudson University
in New York...

So, when are you leaving?

I applied last Spring,
before you even asked me
to marry you at graduation.

It was just something
I always thought
I would do, so I did.

Look, I know that
I can't go to

Hudson University
in New York.

But you want to?

No, I do not.

Are you sure?
Yes, I'm sure.

Where were you?

I was at the library.

What?

Please, please
do not lie to me.

I'm not lying to you.
Are you lying to me?

You really don't want
to go to school in New York

like I know you always
dreamed about?

Dreams change.

I just want to be
married to you,
I want us to be happy.

I hope so, Amy,
I hope so.

Please don't break my heart.

(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

Mmm. Mmm.
Do not pick that up.

Okay.

Okay, pick it up,

I can tell
you won't be able to
fully concentrate on me

until you see who that is.

It's Ben.
Okay.

Oh, my God!

His dad got married
this afternoon.

And what does that mean?

It means that Leo is happy,
so Ben is happy.

So, I'm happy.

They're really nice,
Leo and Ben.

Yeah.

Oh, right. I forgot.

M y ex-husband
called you a pervert.

Oh, you forgot, huh?

Yes.

So, when are you
moving in here?

Well, I've been
thinking about that,

and my lease isn't up
for a couple of months,

so I'll just keep
my apartment for now,

but I'll stay over here
any time you'll let me.

That's not what
we talked about.

You're staying here?

Staying?

What kind of
low-class move is that?

We talked about
your "living" here,
not staying here.

Let's just see how it goes.
I can move a few things over.

Oh, okay. So, keeping
your bachelor pad,
that's your B plan?

In case things
don't work out.

(LAUGHS)
What bachelor pad?
I live with my brother.

Your brother's never around.

I just want to make sure
you really want me
to move in here.

All right?
This is a big step for us.

Well, not for you,
if you're not
real moving in.

I'm moving in, I am.

I'd just be
more comfortable
If we had a commitment.

I believe I asked you
to marry me some time ago
and you weren't ready.

How are you feeling
about that now?

You didn't say anything
about that last week.

Is last week
the only week
that counts?

We've been together
five months.

No, we haven't.
Uh, yes we have.
We met May 24th.

You know when we met?

Yes, I do.

Wow, that went by fast.

I've dated you longer
than I was married to Ben.

(SCOFFS)

You don't have
a romantic bone
in your body, you know that?

(SIGHS)

I've got some papers to grade,
and you better go back
to studying for your test.

Don't be like that.

I am like that.

I want you to at least
want to get married to me

before I officially
give up my apartment
and move in here.

And I don't think
that's too much to ask.

I saw that.

(CHUCKLES)

Who else can we tell?

Did you call Amy?

Ow!

No, but maybe I should.

Just tell her
at school tomorrow.

Why? Because
I might bother
her and Ricky at home?

No. This is important,
isn't it Henry?

Yeah, it's important.
Call her.

Yeah. You know,
maybe I will.

Okay, I'm going home.

You don't have a car.

I could drive you home,
of course.

All right.

Just as a friend.

Yeah. We're all friends.

Night, Ben.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Ben.

Ugh. Hit ignore.

Hi, Ben.

Hi, Amy. I just called
to give you the good news.

My dad got married today.

Yeah, I know.
He told Ricky
and Ricky told me.

Oh. Well...

Uh, I wanted to tell you...
So, there you go.

Oh, I actually have
other good news.

What's that?

I got an early acceptance
into Hudson University
in New York.

Ricky, I had no idea.

(SIGHS)

Why did I apply
to that stupid school?

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

ETHAN: Hey.

Hey. What do you want?

I want another meeting
with the parents.

You're not even
my boyfriend anymore.

Well, apparently,
they're the ones
who decide that, not us,

so I'd like
another sh*t with them.

Oh, stop it.

I mean, you acted like a jerk,

and then they talked to me
about just waiting

until the baby is born
to be in a relationship,

which, I'm sorry,
sounded like
a reasonable request.

Right now,
I have to focus on
myself and on the baby.

Well, do you want me
back or not?

I do, but...
I mean, what's the point

if you're going to meet
with them again?

I'll just get another lecture,
feel guilty, and then
break up with you again.

Guilty about what?

About doing anything
that would potentially

upset these people.

Because I want them
to be the parents.
They're great.

And they really haven't
required a lot from me, so...

Haven't required
a lot from you?

Just wait until the baby
breaks out of you

and leaves your
insides destroyed.

You think that's not
asking a lot of you?

To go through childbirth
and then hand over
the baby to them?

That doesn't happen,
you idiot.

And I hate you.

(SIGHS)

I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.

That was a terrible
thing to say.

Let's just leave it
at "we're broken up."

(SIGHS)

Why did I say that? Why?

Here. Thanks.

You didn't eat anything.

I don't really
feel like eating.

My famous quarterback
boyfriend just announced
to the world

that I'm a teenage harlot.

Well, Grace,
it is a good lesson.

Don't do things
you might regret later.

Why don't you just say,
"I told you so,
I told you so"?

Did you call Jack,
like I told you to?

No. Did he call you?

Did he ask you
to tell me to call him?

He's left me plenty
of messages on my phone

and I am not
speaking to him.

Not today, anyway.

When are you going home?

There's a big lesbian
AA meeting
over at my house,

I can't go home,
not right now,
but I'm going.

Good.
KATHLEEN: Grace.

Enough with the bad mood,
get over it.

Get over it?
They're playing that clip
on every newscast,

every sportscast,
every cast there is.

I might as well
wear a scarlet letter
to school tomorrow.

So the kids who
don't watch TV,

but read the classics
will know as well?

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

Funny.

There's nothing
funny about it!

My entire reputation
is completely sh*t.

No one's going to
take me seriously,

no one's going
to take my commitment
to Christianity seriously.

I ould have just
stayed with Daniel.

Who's Daniel?
Guy number three.

Just out of curiosity,
why not guy number two?
Why not Grant?

Because he thinks
he's smarter than I am.

And he's not.
About anything.

Wow.
Wow.

So, uh, which guy am I?

You're one and four.

Oh, right.
I'll take it.t,

(LAUGHS)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Yeah?

Start praying, Christian.