06x18 - Can I Help to Cheer You?

[bunniefuu]

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

Cory, are we
going to do this?

We're going to do this.

If we're going to do this, we have
to do it. It doesn't just happen.

Leave me alone. We have
to pick out invitations.

I have to start looking for dresses.
But...

We need to pick out rings,
a caterer, a florist,

a band, a photographer,
a cake.

But.
But-but-but what?

But we haven't even
set a date yet.

We don't set the date.

Any banquet hall worth having your wedding
in books up two years in advance.

We pick the hall,
the hall picks the date.

I'm so tired.

Hall. We have to
pick out a hall.

Are you helping or not?

Just let me sleep for half an hour.
I promise.

We've been hanging out with
each other for a long time now.

Yeah. So,
what's the problem?

The problem is, I'm not
getting any younger, okay?

What?

I'm the oldest kid
at St. Mary's.

I don't even fit
in my bed anymore.

Well, what do you
want me to do, Tommy?

Are you going to
adopt me, or not?

What?

You said we were the best team
since Scooby-Doo and Shaggy.

Oh, well, we are, buddy. But they're
not going to let me adopt you.

I mean, they're just not. They're
going to tell me it's impossible.

Scooby didn't think it was impossible
when Shaggy fell into the well.

You know what he did?

Tommy, this isn't
a cartoon.

He saved him. He saved him
because he loved him.

You know I love you,
Tommy.

Then why won't you save me?

Topanga, listen.
I gotta tell you,

I feel very uncomfortable being at a
wedding that we weren't invited to.

Cory, it goes on
all the time.

Mr. Beckman,
the wedding planner,

said that as long as we keep a low
profile, everything will be okay.

These things
are delicious.

You know, you guys
should get married here.

Our wedding will never
be this beautiful.

And why not?

Because we'll never be able to
afford a wedding like this.

(LAUGHS) Wait a minute,
your dad's not rich?

No.

(SCOFFS) Bye.

Let me make you understand this
from a personal standpoint.

My daughter
likes nice things.

How are you going
to give her nice things

with that thing
you call a salary?

Well, that depends on how you
define "nice things," Stan.

I love Jessie,
that's a nice thing.

We're going to be together
for the rest of our lives.

That's a nice thing, too.

You're upsetting me.

Jessie drives
a Jag convertible.

How do you plan to keep
her in a Jag convertible

if you don't come
into my company?

I keep telling you, Stan, I'm
not coming into your company.

When I tell you what's
right for your life,

why don't you
listen to me?

I'm happy where I am.

Teaching kindergarten?

Ooh, you know, listen, I would like
to stay and talk to you, Stan,

but I've got to go marry
your daughter now.

Don't you walk
away from me.

No respect. This guy
won't listen to me.

How could my daughter fall for
somebody who won't listen to me?

Mr. Beckman said
I could stand here.

In one hour, my daughter's gonna be
married to a teacher of kindergarten.

You know, my kindergarten
teacher was Mr. Feeny.

As a matter of fact, he has been my
teacher every year of my entire life.

Isn't that curious?

You a friend of my
daughter or the loser?

Uh, neither one, sir.

"Sir"? You called me sir. That's
a term of respect. I like that.

You know what
he calls me?

Stan, like it says on
the side of my trucks.

(GASPS)

You're Stan, Stan,
the Plumber Man?

If I can't flush it...

No one can!

I like you, kid.

I like you, too,
Stan, Stan.

You would listen to me when I'd
talk to you, wouldn't you, kid?

Oh, yeah. I believe a lot of my
generation would be much better off

listening to
their elders,

instead of wearing those
fancy-schmancy backward hats

and having those bolts
through their heads.

That's a beautiful sentiment, kid.
Let me ask you something.

Anything, sir.

Who are you? What the hell
are you doing at my wedding?

My name's Cory Matthews.

I'm here with my lovely fiancee, Topanga.
Isn't she lovely?

They're all lovely
with the lights off.

I wouldn't know, sir.

You're a virgin?

I'm cursed, sir.

You're it, kid.
I'm it for what?

I choose you.
Choose me for what?

You're the type of nice kid I
always saw with my Jessie.

But isn't she marrying
the kindergarten teacher?

No. No.
No?

But doesn't
she love him?

I don't love him.
I love you.

And so will she
if I tell her to.

Me? But why me?

Because you're a nice, polite kid
who listens to me and respects me

like the son
I deserve.

I'll give you a million
dollars to marry my daughter.

A million?
That's just crazy!

Negotiation?
We're in negotiation?

(LAUGHS)
What a kid!

You just keep getting
better and better.

. million.

That's very nice of you, Stan, but I
have a girl over there on the side.

Hey, who doesn't?
Come on.

You've got minutes
to break this up.

What are you, crazy?
Honey.

No, even for him
this is nuts.

He can't even take
care of himself.

You know something? I resent that.
I resent the heck out of that.

I'm a grown man.

I am fully capable of taking
responsibility for another human life.

Your fly is open.

I know!

Now, look, I demand you take
me seriously, all right?

I love Tommy
and he loves me.

Now what?

(EXCLAIMS)

Listen to me, okay?

Tommy wants me
to adopt him.

I didn't come here
for your permission.

I came here
for encouragement.

I guess I came to
the wrong place.

Eric, you would make a great
parent to Tommy someday,

but not now.

Why not now?

Because you don't have a job,
because you don't have a home.

You sleep on our couch.

You think I like
sleeping on your couch?

You know why I sleep here? It's
'cause I've got nowhere else to go.

I lost my best friend
to the girl of my dreams,

I lost my brother to
the girl of his dreams,

I lost Feeny to the dean,

and I lost you guys
to the new baby.

Oh, that is
just so silly.

Look at this,
it's true.

Everybody I know has somebody that
they want to dedicate their life to.

Now that I finally have that,
you're trying to discourage me.

Eric, even if we agreed to this,
they won't let you adopt him.

You can't support him,
you can't give him a home.

You are a great
big brother. Be that.

That's what he
needs from you.

No, you know what Tommy needs? Tommy
needs me. That's what he needs.

And I'm going to do everything in my
power to make sure that he's got me.

'Cause that's what's best for
him, that's what's best for me.

Now I'm going to
go call St. Mary's

and have them put Tommy on hold or,
you know, layaway or whatever.

Why are our children
so crazy?

Please don't be crazy,
please be normal.

They may be crazy, but
they have good hearts.

Have a good heart,
like your brother.

Oh, Alan, you're saying
you're going along with this?

The kid just pulled
his shirt out of his fly.

No one else
could do that.

Some other people
want to adopt Tommy.

Why didn't you tell me?

'Cause I'm not
going with them.

I don't think you have
that choice, Tom. I, um...

Does he?

Actually, he does. We
would never place a child

with a family he didn't
want to be with.

Especially when there's
an emotional conflict.

What's the emotional
conflict?

You are.

Oh, boy.

I told them I wouldn't
go with anybody else.

Oh.

Look, Tom, if these people are
good enough to adopt you,

then I'm sure they're
going to be good enough

to let me keep being
your big brother.

We'll just tell them that I
come along as part of the deal.

That's not going to work.

Why? Oh, I know why.

'Cause you're afraid
after they meet me,

they're going to like
me better than you.

That's pretty
selfish, Thomas.

They live in California.

They live in
California?

Yeah, they do.

I don't want them
to live in California.

There's nothing
I can do about that.

You know, maybe there's
something I can do.

I would like
to adopt Tommy, please.

Eric, maybe we should
discuss this in my office.

I want Eric!
I pick Eric!

Hey, kids,
I'm getting adopted!

I'm getting adopted. Yes!

This is, like, the
happiest day of my life.

(LAUGHING)

Take the money.

But I love Topanga.

We all do.
Take the money.

Shawn, money
can't buy me...

Well, let's see
if it can.

Take the money.

No, I'm not
taking the money, okay?

I love Topanga
more than the money.

Topanga is my life.

Cory, you're not supposed
to be just standing around.

You're supposed to be doing research.
I know.

I was gonna.
"I was gonna."

Do you know what
that means, Angela?

Yep. You're going to do
everything by yourself.

Ugh. Cory, I don't
ask much of you.

And you, you're his best friend.
You're supposed to help him. Help him.

Cory, I can't do this
all by myself.

Now, I want you guys to be
taking notes during the wedding

so we can decide what we want and
do not want for our own wedding.

Are you guys
listening to me?

Well, fine. If you're not
taking the money, I am.

What's he talking about?

Money. We were
talking about money.

We don't have any.
I know.

Cory, I wish our wedding
could be this beautiful.

Don't you ever wonder
what it'd be like

to have all the money in the world and
you could just do whatever you wanted?

No! Never. Where do you
get these meshugge ideas?

How ya doing?

Do I know you?

No, but you want to
know me. You know why?

'Cause rumor has it you're unhappy with
your daughter's choice of life mate.

Cut to the chase, Spanky.

From the moment
that I laid my eyes

upon your beautiful
daughter's face,

I knew that she was making the
biggest mistake of her life

because she wasn't
marrying me.

Really? You want
to marry my daughter?

No, no.
Not want to, must.

Must marry her,
must work for you.

You know why? Because you're
a winner, and I'm a winner.

And we winners need to stick together
and marry each other's daughters.

I'll go first.

You know,
it's interesting.

I was just talking to that curly-headed
kid who's happy with his girlfriend...

Ugh, mustard.

Stop!

And I looked at that kid
and I listened to that kid

and I knew he was worth
a million dollars.

Irony of ironies,
you come along,

and I'm prepared to make
you the following offer.

Well, I'll be
honest with you,

'cause I got
a number in my head,

and I know
what I'm worth...

I'll give you bucks
to get the hell away from me.

Okay.

Boy, you sure like
to get a lot of information

before you let somebody
take a kid, huh?

Well, normally we just
pull names out of a hat.

But we really
like Tommy.

This is the background on the
other couple interested in him.

You're allowed
to show me that?

No, I'm not.
But in this case,

you being the big brother and
wanting what's best for Tommy,

I think it'll be okay.

Tommy's been here
a long time,

and we really care about
him as much as you do.

We wouldn't place him
with just anybody.

I know, but, I mean, come on, why
do they have to live in California?

They used to live
here in Philadelphia.

That's when they adopted
their first child from us.

A little girl
three years ago, Sara.

Well, I mean, they can keep Sara.
I don't have a problem with that.

(LAUGHS)

We used to get lots
of letters from Sara

telling us how
happy she was.

Then we got fewer letters, and
then they stopped coming.

'Cause she wasn't
happy anymore.

'Cause we weren't her
family anymore, they are.

As much as it hurts, we love
it when the letters stop.

Here's a note
from her mother.

"Dear Mrs. Gallagher, here is
Sara's third-grade picture.

"As you can see, she's growing
into a beautiful young lady,

"and we never realized it was
possible to love someone so much.

"The one thing that could
make our family more complete

"would be a brother for Sara
and a son for us.

"We can't stop thinking about Tommy and
how happy we would all be together.

"Thank you so much
for considering us."

I love Tommy, too.

I know.

Now you just have
to decide how much.

Look, Dad, I packed
all my stuff.

I'm all ready to go.

Isn't it cool the way
I call you Dad?

Yeah, Tommy.
It's way cool.

Let's get out of here.

Let's go. Come on.

What?

I can't be your dad, Tommy.

Why not?

Come here.

(GRUNTS)

These people in California,
they sound really

nice.

But I want to be
here with you.

You're going to have
a mom and a dad

and a house with a big
pool and a big sister

and a dog
named Waldo.

I don't need a dog.
I have you.

Eric, I'm never going
with anybody except you.

I'm not going
to adopt you, Tommy.

Why not?

Because I'm not.

Yes, you are.

Tommy.

I'm not going
to adopt you.

I don't like you anymore.

I'm sorry
to hear that, Tom.

And now I'm going to California to
be with people who care about me.

Good for you, Tommy.

Good for you, man.

Good for you.

Do you realize what you could
do with a million dollars?

Why does that man
keep talking to Cory?

It makes you mad,
doesn't it?

You should
break up with him.

I think the first
thing I would do

would be to
buy a Volvo.

He's buying a Volvo.

He's keeping
my little girl safe

with the steel cage
and the side air bags.

Give your old man a hug.

Okay, but I got
to tell you, Stan.

I am not interested in your
money or your daughter.

(EXCLAIMS)

Daddy, aren't you going
to walk me down the aisle?

I was just finishing up a business
discussion with my friend Cory.

Hi, Cory. Thank you for
coming to my wedding.

(BRIDAL CHORUS PLAYING)

Come on, Dad.
It's now or never.

Think carefully, kid.

You'll never get this kind of
chance as long as you live.

Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here

to join Jessica and
Edward in holy matrimony.

This whole thing is
so out of our league.

They'll probably get in some private
jet and honeymoon in Tahiti.

In some private romantic
villa on some nude beach.

(EXCLAIMS)

You just saw the bride?

Ooh, yeah.

Can you imagine the kind of
honeymoon they're going to have?

Yeah. Could you
just imagine?

No.

MINISTER: If there is
anyone here present

who might give just cause
as to why these two

should not be joined
in holy matrimony,

speak now or forever
hold your peace.

What are you doing?

Spasm.

(GRUNTING)

Young man, do you have
something you'd like to say?

Yes, yes, you do.

Say something, kid.

What are you doing?

Do you mind? I'm talking
to my son-in-law.

Go ahead. Okay, we're going
to do this now, all right?

Okay. Okay.
We're going to do it.

We're going to get up.
We're getting up.

Attaboy. Attaboy.
Good, you're up. You're up.

Go to it.
All right.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Hi. I don't know
any of you,

but, um, I guess I should say
something very important here.

All right. Everybody listen to this.
This is important.

Listen up, honey.

Um, this is the greatest place to
get married that I've ever seen,

and I would give anything to be able
to get married in a place like this.

But I can't,
so it doesn't matter.

Cory, will you please
tell me what's going on?

What's going on is that when you
love somebody, nothing else matters.

Not the money, not where you get
married, nothing like that.

All that matters is who
you're standing next to.

And the only person I want
to stand next to is you.

So, Jessie, Eddie,

I wish you two
what we have:

true love that you can
always count on.

Let's go.
This is their day.

We'll have our day.

Two million!

Eric, you did
the right thing.

There's nothing
to think about.

Yeah, he's in the best
possible place that he can be.

When he gets older, he'll realize
what you've done for him.

He hates me.

(LAUGHS)

He's a kid.
Kids are resilient.

You must have hated me a billion
times when you were a kid.

Yeah, you never tried
to get rid of me.

(SHUSHING)

Ha, very funny.

Thanks for trying
to cheer me up, guys,

but I think I need
to be alone.

I'm very mad at you.

I know.

But I didn't want to leave
without saying goodbye.

Hey.

What's your problem?

You. Her. This.

You had your chance.

Yeah,
you're right.

Can I at least
have the grapes?

Knock your socks off.

They're already off.