02x04 - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Xena: Warrior Princess". Aired: September 1995 to June 2001.*
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Xena helps people free themselves against injustices.
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02x04 - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Post by bunniefuu »

Loss of so many...

Three more girls have disappeared...

...from a village just south of here.

All right... Have a safe
journey. Be very careful.

What did he say?

Three more girls kidnapped
from a neighboring village.

That brings the total to six.

Who would do this?

Listen.

I don't hear anything.

That's your answer.

This is the bacchae forest.

The hunting grounds for Bacchus...,

...the god of wine...,

...and his bacchae followers.

So, we should hear Orpheus.

His music is said to tame the bacchae.

And without it, these woods aren't safe.

So you think the bacchae took those girls?

There's one way to find out.

Do you think that the stories
that people...

...tell about the bacchae
are true?

Some are, some aren't.

What have you heard?

Well, they say that a single bite...

...from a bacchae can
turn a young...,

...innocent woman into a wild...,

...soulless creature.

Whose only allegiance is to Bacchus.

And, once bitten...

...she's lured into his lair
to drink his blood.

If she does, there's no way to save her.

She becomes a bacchae forever.

They say that...

...the bacchae women can
take many forms...

Sometimes just roaming
the forest as wolves.

Driven with na unquenchable
thirst for blood...,

...they track their intended victim
relentlessly...

...until they corner him.

Then they tear him apart...

...limb from limb.

But if you ask me...

I think the stories are exaggerated.

You know?

Just made up to give people
a really good scare.

Get out! Get out of here!

Stay behind me!

You don't have to tell me twice.

You dumb mutt!

You! And you!

Mister Mean Dog!

Mister "Nip me in the"...

Xena! Help!

Get off of me!

Get out of here!

And don't come back, either!

Joxer!

Are you all right?

Me?

Never better!

You see, the secret
to defeating a wolfpack...

...is to wear 'em down.

I had those mongrels
right where I wanted 'em.

So, what brings you to these parts?

Mission to save the world.

Package...

...from Orpheus to Xena.

Orpheus?

What is it?

Speaks for itself.

In the time of ancient gods...,

warlords

and kings,

a land in turmoil
cried out for a hero.

She was Xena.

A mighty princess

forged in the heat of battle.

The power.

The passion.

The danger.

Her courage will change the world.

XENA - WARRIOR PRINCESS

Never pick him up by his hair...

...and he parts it in the middle.

Orpheus, Bacchus did this to you...

I thought you'd recognize his handywork.

Since we last met,
I've dedicated my life to stopping Bacchus.

For a long time,
my music worked.

But now, he's cursed me.

He took my body...

...but left me
eyes and ears...

...to see and hear
all the evil He brings to the world.

For as long as Bacchus lives on Earth,
I will live in agony.

So it was Bacchus who took those girls...

Yes. Tomorrow night,
he'll make them full-fledged bacchae.

And you want my help.

I've hated you for a long time, Xena.

And you're the last person
I'd ask for a favor.

But you're the only person who knows Bacchus
well enough to do the job.

Do you still have your lyre?

I've kept it hidden in town
with my friend, Mellotus.

He can play it while I sing.

Knowing Bacchus, it won't be
safe for long.

Come on.

Not so fast, Xena.

I want to remind you that innocent
lives are at stake.

Maybe this time
you'll be more careful.

Find a way
to make him presentable.

And then we'll leave.

Wait a minute...

What did she mean, make you presentable?

She doesn't want me
to look like you.

What was that all about?

My army fought Bacchus
a long time ago.

And on the final day of the battle...,

...an innocent woman got caught between
my army and Bacchus' forces.

The fighting was fierce.

There was no way we could protect her,
and she was k*lled.

I'm sure it was Bacchus who k*lled her.

But Orpheus always blamed us both.

Who was she?

Orpheus' wife.

Did you bring me the head of Orpheus?

No, master. He got away.

You fools!

How could you let this happen!?

He and his idiot companion
were rescued...

...by Xena.

Xena!

It's been too long...

She must've taken Orpheus back for the lyre.

Call the others.

I have a little job for you.

A festival...

Looks like fun.

Yeah, every year the villagers have
a festival to scare away the bacchae.

They have a prize
for best costume, too.

Guess we know who's winning this year.

Very funny...

Mellotus?

He must be in the back room.

Mellotus... No!

The bacchae did this.

And they've taken the lyre.

Xena!

I'm going with you.

No, Gabrielle.

I need you to stay here and protect Orpheus.

Without him, we don't stand a chance.

Do you really play
all these instruments?

Leave the instruments alone!

You know, your G is way out.

Didn't anyone ever tell you
playing music's for sissies?

You know, my mother wanted me
to be a musician.

Can you imagine that, me a musician?

Now swordfighting...

There's a real man's hobby.

You can be a warrior and a musician.

I was.

Yeah, right.

And a hydra makes a good house pet...

I'll be right back.

Gabrielle?

Stay here.

The moon is up
and there's a chill tonight

Come on and dance
away the growing fright

Wave your hands in the air
like you just don't care

Want to get with the rhythm
till the morning light

Used to think
that I liked being all alone

But now I'm feeling kind of warm
like it's nice to be

And should have known better
than to want to be 'lone

But the beat is so strong
I got ta take it on

Come on, come on,
do it with me now

If you want my love,
ya gotta drink da blood

I want ta dance with you,
I want you right next to me

I want your soul
and I'll give you what you need to be

Feel the music,
sniff your hair

I'll keep you warm
against the cold night air

Just one kiss
is what you need right now

Just one kiss and I will show you how

Just one kiss
is what you need tonight

To go dancing with the devil
by the pale moonlight

Come on, come on,
do it with me now

If you want my love,
ya gotta drink da blood

Come on, come on,
do it with me now

If you want my love,
ya gotta drink da blood

Ah, the precious golden lyre...

Isn't it beautiful?

Need some help, ladies?

Yeah... That hunk of gold is too heavy
for pretty things like you.

You're cute.

Come closer...

...and I'll let you have it.

That's not all you'll let me have.

Come on, beautiful.

Hey, girls,
sorry to break up the party.

Where is that lyre?

See anything?

I don't see anything.

Wait!

There she is.

In the middle of the room, with two women.

Bacche, just like I thought.

Hold that.

Don't worry, Gabrielle.

I'll save you.

Unhand her!

Joxer! What are you doing?

Bacchae!

But, I would know a bacchae
if I saw one.

Come on, Orpheus is waiting.

Did you get the lyre?

No, I found the bacchae
who took it.

Someone else got in the way.

We'll get it back.

We'll get it back?

Wait a minute...

Let me get this straight.

First, we find the lyre.

Then we get
someone to play it.

Orpheus sings,
the bacchae sleep.

We go in, k*ll Bacchus
and free the girls?

Exactly.

That was easy enough.

Don't be a fool.

Bacchus has the lyre safely
in his catacombs by now.

If you go in there, he'll k*ll you.

It's a chance I'll have to take.

It's my strategy from the get-go.

Catch 'em off guard.

Run that "he'll k*ll you" part by me again.

It's all right, Joxer.

You won't be coming.

Come on, Gabrielle.

Wait a minute!

If she's going, I'm going too!

Hey, I assembled this team!

Ok, fine.

I guess you don't want
someone who plays the lyre!

You!?

I took the music lessons, ok?

You play the lyre?

Yeah, I play the lyre.

Don't advertise it all over town.
I got a reputation to maintain.

All right. Let's go.

I got you, Orpheus.

Wait a minute!

Look, on her neck, blood!

She's been bitten.

So, she had blood on her neck.

I mean, she was in a fight.

It could be anything,
it could be a scratch.

-You know.
-Listen, listen...

I have seen every kind of wound
encountered by man or beast.

And that, my friend, is a bite.

Specifically, a bacchae bite.

Then why hasn't she
turned into one?

Because these things take time!

Listen, listen, any second now, Xena's gonna be
sporting a new set of fangs-big ones.

Wait a minute...

Now I know why
she didn't want me with her.

Because she knows
I'm the only one who could stop her.

You know, we could settle this right now.

I'll just ask her.

No, don't ask her a question!
Are you kidding me?

Anything you say
is gonna propel her into a bacchian frenzy.

Listen, you better give me this.

I'll sharpen it into a point.

Don't be ridiculous.

Listen, we gotta act nonchalant!

Give it to me! Give me that!

Hurry up!

What are you two doing back there?

Nothing!

Just sharpening our w*apon.

Ok, fine.

But when she bites your head off
in the middle of the night, don't come running to me.

I got it!

You can't be too careful
with these things, you know?

Somebody might get hacked to pieces.

I'll be back in a minute. Give me that.

You all right?

I'm a musician without my hands.

How should I feel?

Look, just 'cause you've agreed to help us,
doesn't make us friends.

My wife died in your w*r camp,
and you did nothing to protect her.

There was nothing I could do.

Most of my men
had already fallen.

I tried my best to hold back Bacchus
in the hope that she would escape.

But you failed.

Eurydice shouldn't have been there
in the first place.

I don't know why Eurydice thought she could
befriend a ruthless warrior like you.

Her blood is on your hands.

I'll tell you one thing...
Nobody sleeps soundly tonight.

Spider... Sand spider.

Fine.

Everything all right?

Yeah. I was just thinking about the best way
to k*ll bacchae.

Not that I haven't k*lled them before, you know.

There's only one way to k*ll a bacchae.

We'll get what we need
on the way to the catacombs.

For now, try and get some sleep.

Sure! No problem!

Under the light of the baccha moon...,

...my initiates will drink my blood
and become one of us.

By this time tomorrow...,

...we will have a new breed
of eternal bacchae.

And one of them will be Xena.

This is it? When you said "weapons",
I was thinking a blacksmith's shop.

No, for this job
we need something special.


Keep quiet and don't step on any graves.

Driad, dri, what's a driad?

Sworn enemies of Bacchus.

A driad bone through the heart
is the only way to k*ll a bacchae.

Do we have to dig them up?

Not exactly.

Well, they're not gonna jump out at us.

Joxer!

Xena, help!
Help me!

They're pulling me under!

I can't breathe! I can't breathe!

Pull! Pull!

Horrible animals!

And monsters! That was close.

He took my boots!

They cost me fifty dinars!

Great.

Stupid, good-for-nothing, bag of bone!

What is it?

That's a driad.

Watch it, Joxer!

All right, Xena! Do something!

Thanks.

Go on and run! You coward!

Wow!

These driad bones
are really sharp as nails.

No wonder they can k*ll a bacchae.

Hey, are you afraid of this?

Should I be?

No.

It's just that...

Gabrielle thought that you
might be a bacchae.

Ok, maybe I thought
you were one, too.

But you had blood on your neck.

Sorry to disappoint.

It's understandable.

Nothing like stalking a bacchae
to get the blood flowing.

Gabrielle...

See? What did I tell you?

Gabrielle!

It's all right. I can help you.

Where's she going?

The catacombs. Get Orpheus!

You hear that? Someone's trapped.

And it sounds like it's coming
from right behind us.

Get me out of here! Not so rough, all right?

Yes?

You're wasting time.

We should be in Bacchus' lair by now.

We're looking for Gabrielle.

She turned into a bacchae.

There's no time for that.

We have to k*ll Bacchus
before midnight.

Forget the girl.

I can't do that.

I knew I should never have
trusted you.

Once again, you're selfish desires
come first.

Don't you understand?

Bacchus is using Gabrielle against us.

If you try to save her,
you'll fall right into his trap.

Save your breath.

I'm going after Gabrielle.

Then Bacchus has won already.

Are you sure you know where we're going?

It's all right, Joxer, just follow me.

That's right, Joxer...

Follow Xena blindly to your death.

Don't worry.

We know where we're going.

What do you mean, "death"?

It's only a matter of time
before Gabrielle bites Xena...

...and makes her
a bacchae too.

Xena's friendship
has blinded her to the mission.

You have to take control.

The world is counting on you, Joxer.

Joxer. Joxer!

Ok. Ok.

If Gabrielle comes around again...

...I'll know what to do.

Good.

Keep your eyes open...
She's here somewhere.

Well, don't worry.

I'm ready for anything.

Bat...

Get off of me!
Get off of me!

Oh, you little bacchae!

Joxer, don't!

Gabrielle...

Gabrielle!

Duck!

It is time.

Drink, and become one with me...

...forever.

Remember, your job is to find the lyre
and play it as soon as you can.

That should give me time to reach Bacchus.

Right.

Xena!

I owe you an apology.

I guess I was just
looking for someone to blame.

Bacchus must've caused you a lot of pain.

Now maybe we can bring you
some peace.

Now, friend of Xena...

Go ahead, my child.

Drink and become immortal.

Become one with me.

She's not interested, Bacchus.

Xena!

So glad you could join us after all.

Joxer, quick, on Bacchus' throne.

Get the lyre.

Hurry.

You got it.

Get her!

Let go of me, you little monster!

Orpheus, Orpheus!

Wake up! Come on!

The lyre, yes, the lyre!

Orpheus, what should I play?

Anything! Just play!

Drink! I command you.

Drink and become one of us.

Get off of me!

Gabrielle!

No!

Joxer!

Play the lyre!

Any requests?

Awake, my bacchae!

It is time to feed.

Welcome back, Xena.

No, Xena... Don't you know?

Only a bacchae can k*ll me.

And you're not one, yet. Bite her!

And now, make her one of us.

Gabrielle, do it.

Finally, Xena...
You will be one of my children.

What happened?

I feel so strange.

Well, that wasn't so bad.

Thanks.

You're a lot taller
than I thought you'd be.

Orpheus?

Goodbye, Xena... And thank you.

What is that?

That's Eurydice's favorite tune.

Sounds like she and Orpheus
are back together again.

It's music to my ears.

Guys, wait up!

Hey, so what's next?

Next, huh?

-We... We fight Medusa, right?
-Right.

Well, you know...
The one with snakes all over her head.

Right.

And, one look...

...and the mightiest of men
is turned into stone.

Right.

Stone, huh? Oh, hey, listen...
I just remembered...

It's my mom's birthday.

And she's getting, you know, the...
I better get back home, but...

I'll catch up with you guys a little later.

No problem.

You know, you almost died
trying to save me...

I really want to do something to thank you.

Farewell, my warrior chums!

You just did.
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