03x02 - Math Class

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Wonder Years". Aired: January 1988 to May 1993.*
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03x02 - Math Class

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ What would you do
if I sang out of tune? ♪

♪ Would you stand up
and walk out on me? ♪

♪ Lend me your ears,
and I'll sing you a song ♪

♪ I will try not to
sing out of key, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, baby, I get by ♪
- ♪ by with a little help
from my friends ♪

-♪ All I need is my buddies ♪

-♪ High with a little
help from my friends ♪

-♪ I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher ♪ - ♪
try with a little help from my friends ♪

- ♪ Whoa-oa-oa-oa, yeah ♪
- ♪ ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

-Houston, we've
got a preliminary...

-The transition from
summer to fall is a tricky one.

Like astronauts
returning from space,

We had to re-enter the
atmosphere of school carefully

So the sudden change in
pressure wouldn't k*ll us.

[Applause]

-You brought 'em in beautifully.

[Indistinct conversations]

-Still, the beginning
of eighth grade

Looked like it was gonna
be a smooth landing.

We weren't the lowest men
on the totem pole anymore.

We were men among
seventh-grade boys.

More importantly, we were
men among seventh-grade girls.

[Bell rings]

-♪ A, b, c ♪

♪ Easy as 1, 2, 3 ♪

♪ Or simple as do, re, mi ♪

♪ A, b, c ♪

-In social studies, we
talked about woodstock.

-♪ Easy as 1, 2, 3 ♪

-And I could feel the love.

-Men...

These... Are ropes.

-In gym, we were
introduced to the obvious.

-♪ I'm gonna teach
you how to sing it out ♪

-♪ Come on, come on, come on ♪

♪ Let me show you
what it's all about ♪

♪ Reading, writing,
arithmetic... ♪

-In french, miss
martinson showed us slides

From her trip to paris.

-[Clears throat] wrong slide.

-Yep. Everything
was looking a-okay.

All systems go.

[Indistinct conversations]

Until fourth period.

-Take your seats and
open your textbooks

To unit one, page 16.

We will begin with the
introduction to variables.

-Who is this guy?

-My name is mr. Collins.

If we use a symbol, such as "x,"

To represent the
unspecified member of the set...

-So much for introductions.

-In a venn diagram,

"S" is the replacement
symbol for the variable "x."

-We'd never seen
anything like him.

He was a math machine...
All math, all the time,

With the chalk
marks to prove it.

-If the union of sets
"s" and "t" is -2 and 0,

What is the intersection?

-Faced with this
implacable force,

We rose to the challenge.

-Yes.

-Mr. Collins,

How did you learn to
draw such neat circles?

-Each in our own way.

-It is not necessary to
draw perfect circles

To do these problems correctly.

It will not affect
your grade either way.

-But nothing distracted him.

-Is this, like, stuff
that you could use

To figure out tom seaver's
earned run average?

-Not the amazing mets...

-No. That would be
simple arithmetic.

-Ooh! Ooh!

Ooh!

- Not even the cries
of the tortured.

-The answer is
the set of -2 and 0.

-[Groans]

-We further illustrate...

-We threw everything
we had at him...

- To describe the
relationship between various...

Set "b"...

- But we didn't have a chance.

- Positive numbers.

Now, these numbers and
their negatives in set "a"

Make up the set of
rational numbers.

-Psst! What page are we on?

-No talking.

Any rational number...

-Sheesh. I mean, come on.

Who died and made this guy king?

-Yes?

Do you have a problem?

-Um...

No.

[Bell rings]

-For tomorrow, I would like
you to do problems 1 through 10

On page 18.

[Students groan]

-Boy, what's the
story with this guy?

He's gonna k*ll us.

-Nah, don't worry about him.

-Sure, he looked tough,
but I wasn't worried.

-Come on. Let's go to lunch.

-Not to brag or anything,
but I was a pretty bright kid,

Compared to the competition.

-Wayne, how was your
first day in high school?

-Huh?

-With wayne, that's about
all my parents expected.

With me, they
expected a little more.

-Well, I had a good day.

English, french, math.

-Face it... They
were proud of me.

I guess it was
kind of by default.

-[Slurping]

[Burps]

Well, got to go meet delores.

-Wait a minute. Not
on a school night.

In this family, we do
homework on school nights.

-What about him?

-What about him?

-Well, he's not
doing any homework.

-Don't worry about kevin.

When you're getting
kevin's grades, we'll talk.

-Okay, sometimes it was
a little embarrassing.

But it's not like there
weren't responsibilities.

Yep. Wouldn't be a bad
idea to bone up a little,

Start the year off with an ace.

Or maybe a "b."

B-plus, maybe.

[Violins shrieking]

- "D"?

-These are the results
of your pop quiz.

- "D"?

-It was horrible. I'd
never gotten a "d" before,

Not even in penmanship.

[Bell rings]

-For homework... Problems
15 through 25 on page 20.

-There was only one
possible explanation...

This had to be a mistake.

-Kev, you coming to lunch?

-In a minute. I have
to talk to collins.

-Okay, but hurry up.
Sloppy joes today.

-I had to handle this
with a little tact.

-Hi.

-After all, the man was human.

-Yes?

-So much for that theory.

-Um... I have a
question about my quiz.

-Yes?

-About the grade.

Well, it's a "d."

-Yes, it is.

-Okay. We'd made a start.

-Well, i... Think it
might be wrong.

-Well, let's take a look.

-You're right.

-There. That wasn't so hard.

-Number 5 should be -1/2.

That's half off.

This is a d-.

[Paper rustles]

Thank you for calling
that to my attention.

-Oh.

-Now wait a darn minute here!

-Mr. Collins?

-What?

-Well...
[Sighs]

-If you're having a problem,

I run a help group after school
on tuesdays and thursdays.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa!

This guy was getting
entirely the wrong impression.

I had to nip this in
the bud, and fast.

-No, it... It's just that...

I don't think of
myself as a "d" student.

-Really?

-Well, it's just that
it's a little unusual,

Don't you think?

I mean, a quiz on the
second day of school?

-O-o-okay.

-What I'm saying is that
i... Wasn't as prepared

As I might have been.

-Well, I don't think
this is representative

Of the work I usually do.

-Then I look forward to seeing
your results on future quizzes.

Anything else?

-No.

That's fine.

-Sure. Fine.

Just fine.

If that's the way
collins wanted to play it.

-Hitting the books, huh?

-Yeah.

-Mm. Well, go get 'em, tiger.

-Sure, I'd get 'em.

Fact was, I hadn't really
studied for that first quiz.

But now I was serious.

I'd show collins what
I was really made of.

[Violins shrieking]

-What?

-This was nuts!

This was crazy! This was...

-Another "d"!

-What was going on here?

Was I losing my touch?

There had to be another answer.

-Can you believe this
guy? He's out of control!

I mean, what is his
problem, anyway?

I mean, the man is brutal, paul.

I mean, you see all this
stuff he's giving us?

And those pop quizzes every day?

Explain this... How
could it be a pop quiz

If there's one every day?

- I don't know.
- Of course you don't know,

Because there's no logic to it.

I mean, what was that last
stuff he was talking about,

That absolute value?

Half of the class
didn't even know

What he was talking about!

I mean, what is an
absolute value, anyway?

-It's the value of a number
without regard to its sign.

[Bell dings]

-All right. Stupid example.

-You're missing the point, paul.

See, the point is that collins
is just driving us too hard.

I mean, we're all
k*lling ourselves.

What's he gonna
do? Give us all d's?

-There's a certain look

That only a trusted
friend can give you,

A look that says,

"You're about to make a
total fool of yourself."

I was getting that look.

-Paul?

-Huh?

-What'd you get on the quiz?

-I forget.

-It doesn't mean
anything. I just got lucky.

-Yeah.

Lucky you.

-I'm gonna go get some
dessert. You want some?

-I wasn't hungry.

What I was was...

Worried.

[Knock on door]

-We're going out for ice
cream. You want to come?

-Um, no, thanks.

Got to study.

-Gonna ace another one, huh?

-Yeah.

Dad?

-What?

-Nothing.

-Don't work too hard.

-Right.

[Door closes]

-Maybe I should have
said something then.

But for some reason, I didn't.

How could I tell him

I wasn't the kevin
arnold he thought I was?

-[Sighs]

The absolute value...

Of -1...

Is 1.

-♪ One is the loneliest
number that you'll ever do ♪

- 2 = 0. That resolves to x-1.

And x-2 = 0, which
gives us two solutions.

Do they have anything in common?

-Over the next few days,
things went from bad to worse.

-Mr. Arnold?

-Yes?

-The intersection
of sets "b" and "c."

-Um...

X+4?

-Incorrect.

Mr. Pfeiffer?

-1 And 2.

-Correct.

Expressed as sets, that
means "x" represents the set...

-The pressure was increasing.

-How's everything going
at school, sweetheart?

-Uh... Fine.

-I was living a lie.

And it was only a matter of
time before I was found out.

-Kevin?


If this pitcher of lemonade

Makes eight servings
of 1 cup each,

How many servings will it make

If the cups are
filled only 2/3 full?

-Huh?

["The twilight
zone" theme plays]

-Kevin! Do you want
some lemonade?

-Um, no, thanks.

-Come on, honey.
It's good for you.

-Maybe.

But the fact was,

Lemonade wasn't going
to solve my problems.

That afternoon,

I just happened to pass
by mr. Collins' classroom.

By accident, of course.

So, what was the big deal?

Maybe I'd drop in, get a few
tips from the old help group.

Wait a minute.

This was the help group?

Jeff bledsoe thought
the boston tea party

Was a dispute over cheese.

Frank barnes had
been in the eighth grade

Since the eisenhower
administration.

In the delicate
ecosystem of junior high,

These guys were...
Well, let's face it...

Bottom-feeders.

-Are you joining us?

-Uh... No.
[Chuckles]

I just... Left something
in your class.

My pencil.

-I'm giving a major
test next week.

It would be a good opportunity
for you to bring up your grade.

-Yeah.

Well, uh, thanks for telling me,

But, uh... I really
have to be going.

-Sheesh.

Who did he think I
was, some kind of...

Loser?

- Loser's ball.
- [Grunts]

[Grunts]

-Now I was feeling better.

-15-0.

Want to play again?

-No, thanks.

-Why not?

-I got to study for the test.

-Ouch!

-Oh, come on. One more game.

-I can't.

-Paul.

-We could study
together if you want.

-What's that supposed to mean?

-Nothing.

-I don't need
your charity, paul.

-That's not what I meant.

-I don't need your help!

-Fine!

So I'll see you.

-All right, mr. Mathlete.

-Kevin.

-Oh, I'm sorry, paul, for not
being as mathletic as you.

I mean, have you ever
listened to yourself?

"Uh, the absolute
value of 7 is, uh, 3."

-Actually, it's 7.

-Who cares?!

Paul, my life is not so boring
that my only thrill is math.

-What do you say
to that, mr. Wizard?

-Good luck on the test tomorrow.

-So what?

I didn't need paul.

I didn't need anybody.

-Put your books on the floor.

-All I needed was... A miracle.

-Your desks should be clear
of everything but your pencils.

-If only I could
pull off a b-, or a "c."

Or a c-.

Okay.

Let's just take it
slow and easy here.

From the top.

Question number one.

Hmm. Nothing familiar.

Well, just find a question
you know how to do

And do that one first.

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-[Clears throat]

-Pay no attention to that.

Move right along
to the next one.

[Heartbeat]

It took about four
minutes to attain...

Total panic.

[Clock ticking]
- [breathing rapidly]

-[Slowed] question 3
should read 5x, not 5.

-I was desperate.

I was a drowning man looking
for anything to cling to.

Anything.

[Clock stops, heartbeat stops]

And that's when I
realized I'd sunk as low

As a person in eighth-grade
algebra could sink.

[Bell rings]

And then it was over.

-Please turn in your exams.

[Indistinct conversations]

-You don't need to grade it.

I got an "f."

I didn't answer any
of the questions.

I-i don't understand math.

I'm... I'm lousy at it.

I... I have absolutely
no idea what I'm doing!

-Good.

-Huh?

-Maybe now you're
ready to start.

-Wait a minute.

I just told you... I failed!

-There'll be another
test in two weeks.

[Door opens, closes]

-[Sighs]

-I felt lost.

I felt confused.

I felt alone.

-You okay, pal?

Kev?

-No, dad.

I'm not.

-Multiplicative inverse
property tells us

For each real nonzero number
"a" there exists a real number, 1/a,

Such that a x 1/a = 1.

-There are times in life
when you think you're lost...

-Kevin?

Can you simplify the quotient?

-Um...

- When every turn
you take seems wrong.

- 1/5.

-No.

Try again.

-Then, just for a moment...

You see a light.

-Negative 1/5.

-Correct.

Now, you can also simplify

Using the absolute
value of factors.

-And so I began that
long climb into the light.

Only this time, I wasn't alone.

-♪ Well, the sun is
surely sinking down ♪

♪ But the moon
is slowly rising ♪

♪ So this old world must
still be spinning around ♪

♪ And I still love you ♪

♪ So close your eyes ♪

♪ You can close your eyes ♪

♪ It's all right ♪
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