-♪ Baby ♪
-♪ High with a little
help from my friends ♪
-♪ Said I'm gonna make
it with my friends ♪
-♪ Try with a little
help from my friends ♪
-♪ Oh, oh, I'm gonna
keep on tryin' ♪
-♪ Get by with a little
help from my friends ♪
-♪ I'm gonna keep
on tryin', now, babe ♪
-♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
-Well, for your information,
I'm not gonna act like that!
-Oh, yes, you will, ralph.
You most certainly will.
-Throughout time,
There have been some
pretty obnoxious couples,
Couples who
constantly bickered...
Couples who had
trouble communicating...
- But never, in the
history of men and women,
Had there been a
couple more horrifying,
More terrifying than...
-Friend?
-I don't get it. What did I do?
-You know exactly what you did!
-Alice pedermier...
- No, I don't know!
- You do too!
- And chuck coleman.
- I do not!
You were thirsty! I
brought you punch!
sh**t me in the head!
-You know that
I like ginger ale!
-I made a mistake!
-So... You don't know
anything about me!
-I know everything about you.
-What color are my eyes?
-Uh...
-In the three months
they'd been dating,
They'd broken up 27
times... A class record.
-Uh... Gray!
Green!
Uh...
Gray-green!
Brown!
That's right, chuck!
-Make that 28 times.
-You think we
should do something?
-Nope.
-I mean, look at the guy.
Looks like he needs us, man.
-Nope.
-And in situations like these,
there was one cardinal rule...
-We can't just leave him
standing there, can we?
-Yep.
Never, never...
Get in the middle of
someone else's relationship.
Pookie?
They're playing our song.
-I know.
I'm ready...
Brown-eyes.
-It was a
tried-and-true theory...
Leave well enough alone,
and things would work out.
-I'm sorry, pooky.
-Except, perhaps...
- When it came to my car.
-You got that wrench?
-Yeah, here you go.
-That winter, while everyone
else was out partying,
Winnie and i...
-Maybe it's the alternator.
- Were taking auto mechanics.
-Why do you think that?
-'Cause that's what
it was last time.
-I'd bought the car from
my grandfather for $1,
And I was beginning
to think he took me.
-God, I hate this car.
I hate it!
-Face it, in high school,
the car made the man,
And mine was
making me miserable.
-Maybe it's time you took
it to the mechanic, man.
-I already did.
- What'd he say?
- I don't know.
He was, uh, laughing too
hard. I couldn't understand him.
I don't know what
the problem is, man.
I mean, all you need is
new tires and a new body
And a new motor.
-Wise guy.
And if that weren't bad enough,
I had to sit there and
watch lady and the tramp.
-That is really disgusting.
You know you guys
must have just broken,
What, 9 or 10 health codes?
-What's the matter with him?
-Rickshaw trouble.
Kevin's car's a lemon.
-It's not a lemon.
It just... Needs a little work.
-Well, why don't you
just get a new one?
What, are you joking?
I can't afford a new car.
-And that's when
fate stepped in.
-Maybe my dad
could help you out.
-Who's your dad?
- "p*stol pete" pedermier...
The used-car cowboy?
-I didn't know that.
-It was like being in the
presence of a celebrity.
-You think maybe he
could help me out?
-Mm-hmm.
Are you kidding?
"p*stol pete" pedermier
help someone out?
-What's that supposed to mean?!
-Nothing.
Just that he's,
uh, a car salesman.
-Well, what about your father?
-My father's a dry-cleaner.
-Yeah, well, my father is
a pillar of the community.
-Guys!
-I wanted to keep this on track.
-I bet my dad can get
you a really good deal.
Do you want to go down
there this afternoon?
-Okay, maybe I should
have known better.
-Well... Maybe we could just...
Check it out.
-But it was worth a try.
After all, this
was alice's dad...
A pillar of the community.
-Hang on to your wallet, kev.
-I'm tellin' you, partner... I
know cars, and I know people,
And this is the car for you!
-Or an urban cowboy.
-Well, I'm just not sure...
-Well, I am, so come on.
This is your chance!
-What did I tell ya?
-I'll give you one more
minute, and then I'm walkin'.
-Well, uh...
-I'm starting to walk...
-But, uh, pete...
-I'm walkin' right now.
-I'll take it!
-Congratulations, partner!
Now, you just talk to my
sales manager over there,
And he'll fix you right up.
-Daddy!
-Oh, hello, sweetheart.
This is a pleasant surprise.
Hi... Pete.
-Who are you?
-I'm chuck. Chuck?
Chuck coleman?
-Oh. Right.
-And this is kevin arnold.
-Hi, sir.
-He's looking for a car.
Howdy, partner!
You came to the right corral!
-Daddy!
-Sorry.
Uh, how much you
looking to spend?
-I was kind of
hoping, sir, for, a...
You know, an equal trade.
-A trade, huh?
Well, what have
you got to trade?
-An olds.
That one.
-I see.
- I told you.
- Daddy?
I kind of promised
kevin a good deal.
Please, daddy?
-Well...
-But I guess even
a used-car king
Couldn't resist a
daughter's batting eyes.
-All right. Come back tomorrow.
We've got a new
shipment coming in.
-Bingo.
-Really?
Sure, kevin.
Any friend of alie's
is a friend of mine.
-And with that, it began to look
Like this whole thing was
gonna have a happy ending.
-I got you a great
deal on a car!
-All you got me was a
lousy set of floor mats!
-Those floor mats
were top-of-the-line!
-They already fell apart!
-Well, that's because
you didn't use them right!
-All I did was put
my feet on them!
-It was like being trapped
In the middle of an
excedrin commercial.
- And you never did!
-It's salad oil! You
can't get out salad oil!
-Guys! Do you always
have to argue like this?
-What do you mean?
Never mind.
-After all, if they
wanted to fight,
That was their business.
Me? I had more important
things on my mind.
And so the next morning,
there was nothing more to do
But spread the word
of my good fortune.
Winnie was gonna flip
when I told her about...
-Kev!
-Chuck!
-Listen, we gotta talk!
But...
Chuck, what is it?
-She dumped me.
What?!
-She dumped me... Alice!
-Why?
-How should I know?
She says that...
That she deserved
better than me.
Can you believe that?
- Well...
-She said she never
wanted to talk to me again.
Me!
Am I not human?
Do I not bleed?
-It was kind of tragic, really.
-Well...
Gee, chuck, I'm... I'm sorry.
I mean, that's rotten.
-Yeah.
And it's all your fault.
-Mine?
-Yeah.
Well, I mean, i-if we wouldn't
have gone for that car,
Then we wouldn't have
gotten into this fight,
And I would be with my
girl right here right now!
-It was a leap of logic
Only a love-struck
teenager could make.
-Chuck...
I-if there's
anything I can do...
-As a matter of fact, there is.
You can forget about that car.
-What?
Well, I mean, kev...
Come on, y-you're not gonna sit
In a pedermier car now, are you?
Oh, come on, chuck.
I mean you can't be serious.
-Hey, her father hates me.
She hates me!
I mean, doing
business with them, it...
Well, it'd be like
stabbing me in the heart.
Right?
-Now, remember, I really
needed those wheels.
So there was only
one thing I could say.
-Listen...
Chuck, let me just talk to her.
-N-no. That won't do any good.
-Let me just try.
-All right. You can try.
But it won't do any good.
-Ah, what did chuck
know about women?
She was probably pining
away for him right now.
-Alice...
-I never want to see him again!
He's scum! He's a
pig! He's a rodent!
-Shh!
-He's a cockroach.
-On the other hand,
maybe the guy had a point.
-Alice, a lot of relationships
have their ups and downs.
-Yeah? Well, this one's
gone to china. It's over.
Finished, finito, history!
Dead.
So... When do you want to
go look at my dad's cars?
-What?
-Well, we can go this
afternoon. I'm not busy.
-And the thing
was, I was tempted.
Well
The thing is...
-Am I not human?
Do I not... Bleed?
-But...
I don't think I can.
-Fine! Then forget it!
-Shh!
-And there went my new car.
Still, maybe it
was for the best.
After all, these were
not the kind of situations
You wanted to get involved in.
-Are we going to that
party on friday night?
-Sure. Absolutely.
-Because I was thinking, um,
Maybe we could find somebody
who will double with us.
-Double? Why?
-Because it'd be fun, and
we could go in their car.
-I see.
-Bye.
-Terrific.
-It was embarrassing,
humiliating.
Suddenly, it seemed
like my whole life
Was being ruined by
this broken-down car.
It was an albatross
around my key ring.
-Hey, kid.
Is that your car I keep
seeing in the parking lot?
-I'm sure it is.
-Looking to unload it? Huh?
-Uh, yeah.
-Give me 10 bucks, and
I'll take it off your hands.
-Get out of here.
Geez.
- It was unbelievable.
I was gonna spend the rest
of my life as a laughingstock,
A loser...
Unless I did
something, and soon.
-Listen. Alice.
-What?
-About the car.
-Yes?
-Maybe it was a mistake,
But desperate times
require desperate measures.
-I changed my mind.
-Okay. Great.
-So... I'll see you
after school?
-Sure!
-And with that, my
problems were solved.
Or maybe they
were just beginning.
-So come on down to
pedermier's autoland, pardner,
For the straight-sh**t
car deals in town.
Yee-hah!
-That was a great one, daddy.
Wasn't it, kevin?
-Uh... Yeah,
sure. It's... Great.
-And so, that afternoon,
I found myself
in the thick of it.
-So, uh, mr. Pedermier,
about that car...
-Please, son. Call me pete.
Hell of a guy here, alice.
You know, that other
fellow made me nervous...
All that twitching
and turning around.
Well, come along, son.
Let's take a look at that car.
-Let's go, kevin.
-The more I told myself I
was doing the right thing,
The more I knew I wasn't.
-She's right over here.
-After all, this
was chuck's girl.
-Alice, are you sure
we should be doing this?
-What are you talking about?
- Well, you see...
- There she is.
-Gentlemen, start your engines!
-Four on the floor,
55 big horses...
Zero to 60 in one city block.
-Isn't she beautiful?
-Yep, I wanted to say
something about chuck,
But all I said was...
-I love it!
-And 10 minutes later, I
was in the driver's seat.
-She's really
something, isn't she?
-She sure is.
-Why don't you take
it out for a test spin,
Get the feel of it?
-I could imagine going
for a spin with winnie...
The wind in her hair,
just the two of us.
-Well, let's go!
-Or... The three of us.
-Oh.
Well, uh...
You know, I thought, maybe...
I could maybe take it out...
By myself...
You know, just
to... Get a feel for it.
- Oh.
- Oh.
-There should have been a
law against faces that sad.
-Or... You know, we could...
Both take it for a
spin or something.
- Great!
- Great!
-And so we were off.
After all, alice did help me.
-It really moves, doesn't it?
-Yeah.
-We were just two friends...
Two friends out for a ride.
-You're a really good driver.
-Thanks.
-Friends enjoying
each other's company.
Maybe a little too much.
-Well, uh, you know, i-it's
time we better head back.
-Why? It's still early.
-But...
-Come on! This is fun!
-Okay, maybe I was
just imagining things,
But it seemed clear it
was time for a little talk.
Maybe I'd ease into it
with some friendly banter.
-This car's really somethin'.
-But it took two to banter.
-You're really something.
-Oh, god. It was
worse than I thought.
-Well...
Lots of people are
really somethin'.
-I mean, you're
really somethin'...
And, chuck... Well, chuck...
He's really somethin'.
-Chuck's a twerp!
-And then I heard the
24 words I dreaded most.
-Kevin?
Maybe I shouldn't
be saying this...
-That was seven of them.
-I mean, it's kind
of hard to admit...
-That was eight more.
- But I have always
had a crush on you.
-And that made the dreaded 24.
Alice...
-It was from the
first time I saw you.
Remember, you opened
the boys' room door,
And I accidentally
bumped into it?
And you went on and on
about how sorry you were?
-I didn't have a clue.
-'Course I remember.
-But it's just...
The way things are now.
I mean, there's winnie, and...
-Kevin?
When you're in love,
You can't let anything
stand in your way.
-There comes a time when
you have to be honest,
When you have to
lay it all on the line,
No matter how much it hurts.
Listen, alice...
I like you.
A lot.
But...
-Oh, kevin!
I'm so happy! I thought
you felt that way!
-It was about as bad
as things could get.
And then it got worse.
-You mean everything to me.
-Oh, my god!
Chuck!
She doesn't mean
anything to me, chuck!
Believe me, chuck... Nothing!
Nothing!
S-she doesn't mean
anything to me...
Chuck!
Nothing!
She...
-Chuck!
Nothing! Chuck!
-At that moment,
My only thought was
to get out of there, fast.
-Unfortunately, the
car wouldn't cooperate.
-What's wrong with
this thing, anyway?
It's the alternator.
-And there it was...
An evening full of
broken friendships,
Broken cars...
And broken hearts.
-I don't know what hurt more...
Finding out my new
car was a lemon
Or that I was.
-And that next day,
No matter how much
I tried to avoid it,
I was gonna have
to face the music.
An angry suitor. A jilted lover.
A friend betrayed.
-Uh...
Chuck?
-Hey! Kevo!
What do ya say?
-Uh...
-Great day, huh?
-Yeah.
-Amazing.
For a man who had been
practically suicidal,
This guy was looking
decidedly chipper.
-Listen, chuck, uh...
About last night...
-Eh... Don't worry about it.
I mean, I understand.
-You do?
-Yeah.
Alice told me the whole story.
-She did?
-Yeah.
-She told me... How, uh...
You told her that...
You had this crush on
her for all these years
And that, you know, you
were just using the car
To get closer and everything.
I mean, actually,
it's kind of pathetic.
'Cause, you know,
all you had to do
Was tell me how you felt.
But no... You had to go
behind my back instead.
Not that I blame
you. I mean, really...
Who could resist
a girl like alice?
Right?
-And that's when I realized...
When it comes to
love, there is no truth.
-E-exactly.
-Chuck?
Hi, pooky.
-Hey.
So, uh, I guess everything's
okay now, right?
-Yeah.
Except for, uh...
One thing.
-The weird thing was,
I actually thought
he was gonna thank me
For bringing them back together.
-Are you okay, pooky?
-I'm fine, sweet potato.
-Bye, kev.
-You want to go out tonight?
-Yeah. Sure.
-♪ It's late at night
and we're all alone... ♪
-I never did get that car.
I got my old one
back from p*stol pete.
But I guess I did learn a
few things from this mess.
When it comes to couples,
mind your own business.
When it comes to women,
you'll never understand them.
-♪ ...with the lights down low ♪
-And, when it comes to cars...
-All right. I'll have
this fixed in a minute.
-Sure.
- Always bring a wrench.
-♪ Just me and my girl ♪
♪ Slow dancin',
swayin' to the music ♪
♪ No one else in the
whole wide world ♪
-I guess we're
gonna miss the party.
-♪ Just you, girl ♪
-Hey, arnold! Get a horse!
-♪ And we just
flow together... ♪