04x12 - Danny's Dead and Who's Got the Will

[bunniefuu]

( Jazz music playing )

Oh, ha, wow!

Boy, I'd be all over you
if I was years older.

Mmm.

Down boy, that ain't gonna
happen for another years.

Well, get it while you can.

I may have met someone else
and moved on by then.

Welcome to the windmills
of my mind.

Come on, what's going on?

You don't usually haul out

the Mr. French collection
unless something is up.

Well, Mr. Sheffield swore
me to secrecy.

And it has been long enough.

Frankly,
I don't know what the secret is.

His grandmother Eloise
is coming for a visit.

Oh, what's the big deal?

- He wants you out of the house.
- Oh!

Oh, that would be
the secret part.

Ah, Miss Fine.

You know, I have been thinking,

you've been looking a little
tired recently.

Why don't you take
the weekend off? Hmm?

Watch me turn this negative
into a positive.

All right. How about Maui?

I was thinking more along
the lines of your parents?

Oh, they burn.

How about Aspen?

Done.

Are you that
desperate to get rid of me?

What, you are afraid I'm
going to embarrass you

in front of your grandmother?

Who told you?

Niles!

Miss Fine, please understand.

Every few years she descends
on members of the family

to make sure they're up
to her standards

or they're out of her will.

And for that you
would hurt my feelings

and ask me to leave?

How much more money
does a person need?

She is worth million.

Bye-bye.

♪ She was working in a bridal
shop in Flushing Queens ♪

♪ Till her boyfriend
kicked her out ♪

♪ In one of those
crushing scenes ♪

♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪

♪ She was out
on her fanny ♪

♪ So over the bridge from Flushing
to the Sheffield's door ♪

♪ She was there to sell
makeup, but father saw more ♪

♪ She had style, she had
flair, she was there ♪

♪ That's how she became
The Nanny ♪

♪ Who would have guessed that
the girl we've described ♪

♪ Was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed? ♪

♪ Now the father finds
her beguiling ♪

♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪

♪ And the kids are
actually smiling ♪

♪ Such joie de vivre ♪

♪ She is the lady in red ♪

♪ When everybody else
is wearing tan ♪

♪ The flashy girl
from Flushing ♪

♪ The Nanny named Fran ♪

Oh, Mr. Sheffield.
I just wanted to tell you

how sweet I think it is
that you begged me to stay

and meet your grandmother.

I believe my exact words were,

"Would you please stop
the crying and screaming?

I give up. Stay."

Well then you see, I prefer to see
the glass as being half full.

( Doorbell rings )

Oh, Grandma Eloise.

Oh,
I do wish we had known sooner

that you were coming,
so we could have...

Moved?

May I?

- Oh, Niles. So good to see you.
- Thank you.

Remember, how we used to
have those little talks

when you were a little boy?

Your dreams of becoming
a famous barrister.

A member of Parliament.

Life's cruel. Isn't it?

Hello, I am Francesca Fine.

And may I say it is an honor,

nay, a privilege

to be working for such
a fancy schmancy family.

Oh, that's an intriguing outfit.

Thanks. I got it half off.

I was wondering
where the rest of it was.

million.

( Fran laughs )

Well, Grandmother, shall we?

Oh, Eloise,

it is a pleasure
to see you again.

C.C., my dear.

- You always look so beautiful.
- Oh, well.

I don't understand.
Are you single by choice?

Yes, but not hers.

You know, Maxwell,
I'm so sorry that I missed

your play's opening
night in London.

I tried to get a ticket
for the next day.

But they wouldn't
put the sets back up,

get the actors all together
for just one person.

( Fran laughs )

million, million.

( Telephone rings )

Sheffield Residence.

Oh, yes.

Miss. Fine, it's your mother.
She sounds hysterical.

Oh, she probably just
got out of the shower

and saw the mirror
has two tucheses.

Oh, and here are the children.

Come, kiss your great-grandma.

quid to the first one over.

I love you, Nana.

( Sobs )
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Danny...

( sobbing )
Danny Imperiali.

( Fran mutters )

The man I was in love with.

Danny was her ex-fiance.

Oh, not anymore.

He is dead.

Oh, why, why, why?

million.

Que sera sera.
You want some more, Gran?

( Knock on door )

Hello.

Oh, Val, I hope, I didn't
dress too festive for a wake,

but I had to wear this.

I mean, in private,

Danny used to always
call me his little tiger.

Aw.

What is this? The Serengeti?

Oh, look.

There's Heather.

Who would have thought
when Danny dumped me for her

four years later
she was gonna be so alone

and miserable?

Oh, poor Heather. Honey.

( Sobbing )
Oh, Fran, it's so unfair.

I am too young to be a widow.

- I know.
- Who is that?

Focus, Heather.
It's your husband's funeral.

( Sobbing )
Every time

I look at the bathroom handle,

I can see Danny's
underwear hanging there.

He actually hung his
underwear up for her?

All those years of me training
him and she reaped the benefit.

I can't believe Danny's gone.

I know.

Who dies from an allergic
reaction to back wax?

You know, it's hereditary.

Yeah, he lost a couple
of aunts that way, too.

Oh.

Look at him, Val, lying there.

The first love of my life.

Boy,
I thought he was indestructible.

I know.

After he forgot your birthday
and you tried to run him over.

- He survived that.
- Yeah.

And then when you caught him
kissing Veronica Forte...

Val, the point is that...

Oh, Val.

My sandwich and the olives,

they fell in the coffin.

Go get it.

I'm not touching him.

- Hurry up.
- Oh.

Oh, I got a couple.

Oh, my God. Val.

Oh, Val.

My watch is caught
on his zipper.

Cover for me.

Her watch is caught
on his zipper.

You know, you are Rain Man
without the math skills.

Oh, look, Fran.

They are bringing
out the jumbo shrimp.

Jumbo!

I knew that would work.

You are such a chazir, Fran.

Hi, there. Friend or family?

Former lover.

Sorry for your loss.

I know how it feels.

Oh, don't tell me he called

you his little tiger, too.

( Sobbing )
No.

Oh, if it had a pulse,
he would...

I never even met him.

I just bit
the inside of my cheek.

Oh.

- Harvey.
- Oh, hi, Harvey. Fran.

I meant, I know what it's
like to lose someone.

My significant other, Bernard,

passed away six months ago.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Ever since,
I just like to crash funerals.

I find it therapeutic to dwell.

Oh, you're Jewish.

We were together years,

but no one ever knew what our
real relationship was.

Now he is gone and his family,

they pretend like
I never existed.

I mean, did they really
think that the guy

in all those pictures with
Bernard was the dog walker?

Sure, he is wearing a
collar in a couple of them,

but, you know,
that is none of their business.

Well, excuse me for asking,
Harvey,

but what kind of
a doormat are you to live

with a guy all those
years that keeps the fact

that he loves you a secret?

I mean, believe me, I know
people that live like that

and by the fourth year, well,

I'm sick of it.

I wasn't a doormat.

He told me
he loved me constantly.

- Oh.
- He was doting and romantic

and we even had a private
ceremony in Honolulu

and he gave me this ring.

You know what, Harvey.

Don't be such a crybaby.

Ma, I gotta talk to you.

Darling,
I'm so glad you're here.

Here, help me eat this.
I'm defrosting.

Ma, I met this man
at Danny's funeral.

Fabulous. He's Jewish?

- Yeah, and a doctor.
- Oh.

And he is gay.

So, you are seeing him again?

Ma, how desperate
do you think I am?

Friday,
we are going to see "Show Boat."

Anyway, the thing is,

his lover died and his family

will not acknowledge the fact
that they had a relationship.

A widower.

The point is if something
happened to Mr. Sheffield,

I could have the same problem.

( Toaster pops )

Um, it's still cold. You want?

Ma, I'm pouring my heart out...

All right, since you made.

( Sighs )
Oh, you know,

the thing is, if God forbid

something ( spits on her
hand ) happened to Daddy,

at least the world would
know you were his wife

and he loved you.

I only wish for you the joy

that me and your father have.

Look at this.

You can't fill a tray, you putz?

See, this is what I want.

Missed a spot.

Missed a spot.

Missed a spot.

Here, I don't want to hog her.

We have to talk, mister.

Ah, surely you mean
"may we" and "sir."

Oh, so you're already pretending

that there is nothing
between us?

And you're not even dead yet.

Miss Fine,
perhaps you are still grieving

- over the sad loss of your...
- Of what, what?

My youth?

Don't you know?

That if you are, God forbid
in a coma, technically,

I'm not considered family.

I wouldn't be allowed
to pull the plug.

I should at least have that
much satisfaction.

Grandmother, I'm going
to need a few minutes alone

with my Nanny.

Missed a spot!

You told me that you loved me.

Well, I want a man who would
shout it from the rooftops.

I told you I loved you
but then I took it back!

You shouted the wrong part.

That's it. I quit.

I am not going
to wake up some day

and have to fight your family
for that picture of you

in a dog collar.

Miss Fine!

You already did that spot.

Attention all shoppers.

Will the lady
who left the Armani sunglasses

at the cosmetics counter,

please bring the case?

Fran, you are so lucky
that this job came up

just when you quit.

Oh, I know.

You know, the lady that used to
work here was very elderly

and she was shrinking.

Every time,
she opened the cash register,

the drawer would hit
her in the head.

Oh, so they fired her?

No, no, they kept her on.

She works two weeks
a year as an elf.

Oh, boss coming.

Oh, yes, Miss, this blush is
absolutely perfect on you.

It's gonna drive
your boyfriend wild.

You know,
I don't have a boyfriend, Fran.

Well,

look who's finally
behind her counter.

Oh, hello, Mr. Binder.

You see those security cameras?

Uh-huh.

Peekaboo.

At : they caught
you in ladies shoes.

At : , purses.

Then there was a mad
dash through hosiery.

Then jewelry, ending
with a non-fat double latte

in the food court.

With all that shopping,
I needed a little caffeine buzz.

I just can't believe
Miss Fine actually quit.

She stood here,
in this very room

and implied that working
for me was a dead end.

Oh, pish tosh. Look how
I've risen in the company.

I suppose I should
have seen it coming.

A man can't tell a
woman he loves her

and then just take it back.

- You what?
- Maxwell.

Get out, old woman!

Did you just say you told
Miss Fine that you loved her?

- Hmm.
- And then you took it back?

Hmm.

That's it, isn't it?
That's the thing.

Oh, I could kick you
in the seat of the pants.

Oh, I beg your pardon.

I said I need to press
the pleat in your pants,

but that is besides the point.

Now you march yourself down
to that department store

and beg that woman to come back.

Don't you dare give
orders to me!

I am the one who makes
decisions around here.

Daddy, you march right down
there and you get Fran back.

Oh, you really think I should?

All: Yes.

But, I need a pretext.

Why don't you take
Grace and lose her.

I do it all the time.

I'll go get my coat.

Dad, I don't know
what you did to her

but you better hope
that she forgives you.

I didn't do anything to her.

Bet you wish you did now.

Children, will you mind
leaving us alone for a minute?

Ow! What was that for?

Get you back for kicking me.

Well, I didn't kick you.

Bet you wish you did now.

Fran:
Is this thing on?

Uh, listen.

Well, Bernice in lady shoes,

please hold the size

Manolo Blahnik lavender mules.

I think I can sneak away
in about minutes, Bernice.

Franny Fine?
What are you doing here?

Miss Babcock, didn't you hear?
I quit.

- Oh, that's terrible.
- I know.

Maxwell will be so lonely
without you.

Ah, you know, it was a difficult
decision to make

but ultimately, I had
to do what was best for me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know,
I have to get back to work.

Maxwell and I have a very
long night ahead of us.

Excuse me, can you tell me where
the ladies lingerie is, please?

Ow!

Is this thing on?

Bernice told me to tell you

that they are out
of size lavender mules.

Oye.

Do they come in mauve?

Just put these samples
in gift bags.

Certainly.

Merry Christmas, Maggie.
Happy Hanukah, Ma,

and congratulations
on your new job, Fran.

Miss Fine.

Mr. Sheffield,
what are you doing here?

Oh,
I just thought I would drop by

and see how the
new job was going.

Nothing more, nothing less.

- Oh.
- No ulterior motive.

- Hmm.
- Happy?

I'm thrilled. I love it here.

They treat me
with a lot of respect.

It's a whole
different experience.

Miss Fine!

Anyways, Mr. Sheffield,
you know,

I hope that you understand

why I had to leave.

I mean, it just became
too painful for me.

Nobody really knows what
we have with each other,

except for ma,

Val, and I'm sure the kids
have an inkling.

Oh, are you two
getting back together?

I have
to eat lunch with someone.

Miss Fine.

You've got to know
how I feel about you.

I'm just not ready to shout
it from the rooftops yet.

But I have put it in writing.

I have declared my feelings
for you in my will.

Oh, great.

So, I have to wait
until you are dead

before everybody can know
how you feel about me?

Ah, but then I can
never take it back.

Oh, that's so sweet.

Well, at least when you're dead

I will have something
to look forward to.

- Happy?
- Er. Happier.

But what about Grandma Eloise?

I mean, aren't you afraid

that when she finds out
what you put in your will,

she is gonna cut you
out of hers?

I don't give a damn
about her millions.

I just hope she
lives long enough to hear

what I have put in my will.

Ah, you are pretty cocky.

Could it be because she's a ?

Come on, Mr. Sheffield.

Why don't you tell me
what you wrote in your will?

Well,
I don't actually have it here.

Oh, don't be shy.

Just close your eyes

and pretend that you're dead.

And tell me what you said.

It will just be between us.

I, Maxwell Sheffield,

care deeply for Fran Fine

and told her,

"I love you."

( C.C. screams )

Is there something going on
between my grandson

and your granddaughter?

What are you, senile?

They got teenage kids

and they only been married
three years.

Married?

Nobody tells me anything.

Yetta, you're the only one
that likes me for me.

Not just to get into my will.

Well, why wouldn't I?

You are a very lovely lady.

It's Yetta Rosenberg.

R-O-S-E.

Oh, Fran,
thanks for having me over.

- Oh, sure.
- I can't believe Danny's dead.

- Oh.
- What's going to happen to me?

He is the only man
I have ever been with.

( laughs )
Oh, Heather.

I think you are suffering from
a little state of shock there,

- sweetie.
- How am I going to go on?

I mean, no one is ever gonna
be able to replace...

Who is that?

He's gay. Bye.

She's gay.

( Jazz music playing )