05x01 - Episode 1

[bunniefuu]

- Morning!
- Morning.

Ahhh!

Ready to go, buddy?

Yes.

We are really early.

Oh.

Have we gotten too efficient?

We could've slept in.

Awesome! Free time.

- Put your leg up.
- What?

This is dumb.

Fine. What do you wanna do?

- Let's pick an easier one.
- No, no. We can do it.

- Activate your transverse abdominis.
- I am.

- Come on. You can do it. Come on.
- Yeah, OK.

Almost.

We're gonna be late.

♪ Yeah, we know ♪

♪ Even if we had so far to go ♪

♪ Even if the pace is slow ♪

♪ Well,
I'll be coming home to you again ♪

♪ If we find ♪

♪ Something to feel that we belong ♪

♪ If we could right all the wrongs ♪

♪ Well, I'll be coming home to you again.
♪

What are you doing?

Sitting attentively,
ready for our Monday morning mega-meeting.

That's my seat.

It's A seat.

The meeting room doesn't
have allocated seats.

Not unlike King Arthur's Round Table,

where everyone seated at it is equal -

even the knights who would've
had to straddle a table leg.

Just because the table was round

doesn't mean there weren't allocated seats.

I mean, King Arthur would've
had a dedicated spot, surely.

I don't see you sitting in Mum's seat.

I could have, but I chose this spot today.

Yeah, it's just I always sit
there in the meetings, and...

Daniel, sit down or you're fired.

Right.

I've just finished lodging our tax
for the end of the financial year,

and guess what I noticed.

- Is it good news or bad news?
- Bad.

Alright, well,
you better tell us the good news first

to soften the blow.

I didn't give you an option -
there's just bad news.

You could still open with
something positive, or a compliment.

What is it?

We made the same profit this
year as we did last year.

But we...
still made a profit, which is good, right?

Not if we're not growing.

One agent's already tried
to run us out of business.

Tried and failed!

He won't be the last.

We need to focus on growing the business.

Mrs Marsh, could you please take notes?

I want thoughts on how we
can attract new customers.

Is this one of those
'no bad idea' type scenarios?

Depends.

Well, I've been thinking we need a jingle.

Don't write that down.

What else?

Well, this might actually lower
our profits in the short term,

but I was thinking I need a new car.

- I agree.
- Really?

Mm. It's dented and there's
paint chipping off it.

It looks unprofessional,
and it's time we upgraded.

And it smells like pig.

I told Daniel he needs a new deodorant.

It could be because someone
made me drive a pig around.

I'll start looking for a new one today.

If Daniel gets a car,

then I think you should at
least reconsider my jingle idea.

No.

- What about a theme song?
- It's the same thing.

Oh, and another thing,
while I've got you both here...

Finally, the good news.

Damien. He's getting behind on the
maintenance jobs I've given him.

I've got a couple of landlords
starting to get restless.

- We're gonna have to replace him.
- What?

Letton Street still can't
close their bathroom window,

and Possum Place,
their flyscreen door won't lock.

I've got Mrs Jameson sending me photos

of every new fly in that kitchen -

it's clogging up my phone.

I'm sure he's onto it.
Just let me talk to him?

Fine.

Now, does anyone have anything else?

That's not jingle-related?

Do these meetings have allocated seats,
or is it just sit wherever?

Write down, "Follow up on jingle."

No.

- Damien isn't answering.
- Mmm.

- You're not listening to me, are you?
- Mm-hm.

Just pick a car.

There - that looks good.

Get two of them, so we can race.

No, this is a big
decision. It'll take time.

The car should look expensive
enough to show we're doing well,

but not so fancy that it looks
like we're doing TOO well.

People won't use us if we look
like we're doing too well?

Yeah -
if it looks like we're doing too well,

they'll think we make all
our money ripping people off.

Well, that's pretty judgemental.

For all they know, we made our
money selling dr*gs on the side.

That's also not a positive.

- What can I eat in it?
- Hm?

- What can I eat in the car?
- No.

That's not an answer.

You can't eat in it.

I can't eat WHAT in it?

- Anything.
- No.

Anyway. What are we gonna do about Damien?

- Have you tried calling him?
- Yes! I knew you weren't listening.

Sorry.

Do you even care that
Barbara wants to fire him?

It's not f*ring. He's a contractor.

And if he can't do the work,
we just need to get someone else.

But he's our guy,
and you gotta hold on to good people.

You left him a message, so...

I know. I can use the code.

- Did you hear what I said?
- Yes.

You don't have any follow-up questions?

- I feel like you're about to tell me.
- The code.

When Damien and I were together,

we had an emergency word for
if we saw a Tasmanian tiger,

and it means 'drop everything'.

- What's the word?
- Wouldn't you like to know?

Is it 'tiger'?

No.

Sent.

Well, you guys aren't together anymore,
so don't be surprised...

..if he doesn't reply straightaway.

He says, "What does it look like?"

Oh.

"Can't talk right now.
At the Neighbourhood Watch."

What's he doing there?

- We should go.
- No, I'm looking for a new car.

- Well, do it later.
- No, if I find one I like

I have to get on it straightaway
or someone else might buy it.

Do I have any say in what car we get?

Ideally, no.

No.

It's got great fuel economy.

Can get up to kay an
hour if you really push it.

Do you have any other CARS for sale?

I do not.

I'm gonna go.

I can hold it till tomorrow!

How did you get in?

Frank!

Yeah?

Oh, hi, Emma.

What is the point in having a password

if no-one's at the
front door to ask for it?

Sorry. I had to use the bathroom.

Don't worry. I'm not staying long.
I'm just looking for...

- Damien!
- Hi. Emma.

Hey, did you get a photo of the tiger?

What? Oh, no.

Turns out it was just a big cat.

- Oh, I hate it when that happens.
- Yeah.

- Did you get a photo?
- No.

Um, what's going on here?

Damien is the newest member
of the Neighbourhood Watch.

- Is this true?
- Yep.

Yeah, got my name on it and everything.

Fox status.

I move up to Hippo after
I've been in a year.

Hold on - Fox to Hippo?

If that'll be all?

We try to keep it members only in the HQ.

Well,
I actually have need of Damien's services.

Sorry I couldn't get to those, um...
the window and the flyscreen.

I've just been swamped with,
uh, Olive's list.

What list?

Oh. The list is for Fox
eyes and above only.

We've got a big membership drive coming up

and Damien's helping us get
the hall ready for the event.

It's what a Hippo would do.

But... are you paying him for all this?

Yes. With his membership.

Isn't membership free?

Yes. But it still has value.

Why would you agree to that?

Yeah, I did say to Olive,
I'm happy to help with any maintenance.

I just didn't realise there'd be this much.

- Building an office?
- That is maintenance.

You can only maintain something
that already exists, Frank.

You're taking advantage of him.

- Come with me.
- So he can do work for you?

Sounds like you're the one
trying to take advantage.

We pay him.

I did give Olive my word.

You heard him.

And when a Fox keeps his word,

not only does he make a fine Hippo -

he soon becomes Badger material.

I'll be back.

You need the password.

- Strongbox.
- Frank!

Why would you buy a new car that
looks exactly like your old one?

Shut up.

Damien's joined the Neighbourhood Watch.

He's doing jobs for them.
That's why he can't do our jobs.

Right.

Help me.

You know Damien - he doesn't like conflict.

Olive would've pressured him into it,
and he's too nice to let them down.

Well, you're useless.

- What happened with the car?
- It was a ride-on lawnmower.

Emma! What's happening with Damien?

I just got a call from Darcy

complaining their shower
head's still broken.

What's he doing?

Uh, he's on his way.

What's the hold-up?

Uh, apparently he needed some
special tool to do the job.

You know, he's sorry, but he's onto it.

What special tool?

Shower hammer, I think.

Anyway. Trust me, he'll take care of it.

Yeah, sounds good.

I mean, I've got other options,
but I'll see you soon.

- I found my car.
- Who cares?

I bought us some time,
but we need to go get Damien out now -

before Barbara googles and does not find
'shower hammer'.

But they're close, and they're
gonna let me test-drive it today.

They're taking advantage of him,
and I'm not gonna let them do it.

Well, I'm not gonna let them do it anymore.

- Em...
- Damien first, then the car.

It just...
it sounds like he doesn't need rescuing.

Just come with me and see for yourself.

If you honestly think he's fine,
then I'll let it go

and you can tell him he's fired.

We're not f*ring him - we're just...
hiring someone else.

Well, you can tell him that to his face.

It's the least we can do.

Please! It's important.

- And we can get your car first.
- Thank you. I'm in.

Mate, you smell that?

- What?
- No pig smell.

Oh, yeah.

And it's got aircon, electric windows...

I mean,
my last car didn't even have cup holders.

Or an alarm -
not that I cared if anyone stole it.

I love it.

Why are we stopping?

Oh,
I forgot to take photos for the insurance.

- What's gonna happen to the old car?
- The Pigmobile? Who cares?

Look, at some point, you know
I'm gonna eat something in this car.

So, if you don't give me any rules,
it'll be tuna, soup and croissants.

OK. Uh,
nothing crunchy or that smells a lot.

Oh! All the best stuff is crunchy!

Crunchy stuff makes a mess.

What about celery?
Celery's crunchy and not messy.

- Yeah, you can have celery.
- I don't wanna eat celery.

Potato chips.

No, no. You can have
celery or soft, odourless food.

Mashed potato.

No - if you spilt mashed potatoes,
it'd be a disaster.

Fine. Celery...

..and anything I can get
from a drive-through.

- What? No.
- Why?

If you're not supposed to eat it in a car,

they wouldn't sell it that way.

Y...

You don't have an answer to that, do you?

No. Uh, you... you're supposed to buy
it and then... and then take it...

Too slow! I win!

No drive-through.

Nuggets!

- That'll never get old.
- Won't it?

- Oh, hey, guys.
- Hey.

- Nice car, Dan.
- Thank you.

You're coming with us.

This is a rescue - or a kidnapping,
depending on your response.

That sounds great,
guys, but I can't, sorry.

I've gotta get this sign finished.

Olive says, "If you
want people to sign up",

"you've gotta put a sign up,"
which is pretty clever.

This is serious.

If you can't do the jobs for us today,

then Daniel has something to tell you.

I'm sorry,
but I probably can't do the jobs today.

What did you have to tell me, Daniel?

Uh, well, it's just, um... Yeah?

- Look, it's nothing personal.
- Quit stalling. Just tell him.

You... you... you would be replaced.

- Oh.
- Fired!

Not fired, just...
just replaced with someone else

for... an indefinite period of time.

I guess...

..it makes sense, you know,
since I haven't done the work.

Yeah. Too upsetting to think about.
Let's go.

I told Olive I'd be a member,
and this is what that means.

A Fox would never leave his post.

If you're only doing what Olive says
'cause she's bossy, fine.

I can be bossy. Get in the car!

Oh, but just dust yourself off first,
please.

Well... Excuse me.

Can you please stop
interrupting our newest Hippo?

Really?

You've worked hard for it.

I don't see you doing any work, Olive.

Seems like Damien's doing everything.

I don't have to listen to this.
Off my property, please.

This is public property. Probably.

- It is.
- Thank you.

Well, your name's not on the booking sheet,
so please leave.

Where is the booking sheet?

- It's just inside...
- Shut up, Frank.

Damien?

I'm sorry, Em. I've gotta get this done.

Let me get that for you, mate.

Look at the range.

- Barbara, I need your help.
- What?

Damien's not on his way to do the jobs.

I lied to you because I thought
I could get him out myself.

- Out of where?
- The Neighbourhood Watch.

He's joined, and now they're
making him work for nothing.

I tell you, if they wanna see
crime in the neighbourhood,

they should just watch themselves.

I should've said that.

Damien can do whatever he wants.

If it's volunteer work,
that's his decision.

Get another handyman like I told you to.

No, but they brainwashed him. It's a cult!

You don't understand. I know Damien.

- As an ex-lover of mine...
- Oh...

..I know when he's not happy -

he gets, like... droopy.

You can even unlock it from here!

- Daniel!
- Sorry.

Emma, he's an adult.

- I'm calling someone else right now.
- No, wait.

Um, I know what I can do.
I'm gonna google...

Googling how to be a
plumber is not a solution.

I wasn't going to -

I was gonna google how to
get people out of cults.

Oh, God.

I mean, can't you go down and get him out?

He needs the work that we give him,
and he's being used.

And you need to hurry,
'cause he's already a Hippo.

- What?
- Doesn't matter.

You should've seen his face when
Daniel told him he was fired.

Oh, um, I said "replaced".

But... he did look droopy.

I think it's in.

Oh. Hey, Barbara.

Um, I'm sorry I didn't get to those jobs.

Yeah, I see Olive's keeping you busy.

Yeah.

She's got some pretty big ideas

about this membership drive tomorrow.

I bet she does.

- This hasn't happened before, has it?
- What?

You and I having a
face-to-face conversation.

Like, just the two of us.

- Oh, it would've.
- Nah, I don't think it has.

We were alone once at the pub

when Emma and Daniel went to
the bathroom at the same time,

but it was only for three minutes,
and neither of us spoke.

Olive doesn't pay you, does she?

Well, I did get a free membership.

Right.

It still has value, though.

And I said I would.

I should've asked how your meal was.

What?

When we were at the pub.

What do we wear tomorrow?
Are we getting dressed up?

Oh, not too much.
Just slightly nicer than normal.

OK.

I might wear this, but with a brooch.

Password, please.

What can we do for you, Barbara?

I've been chatting to your servant outside.

Damien's very happy in his role here.

He's a Hippo now.

That's unheard of within a year.

You get some public funding, don't you?

We do.

I wonder if that would stop
if the council found out

you were using unpaid labour
to spruce up your event.

W-well...

Not to mention the legal
mess if he injured himself

whilst trying to finish off the
giant list of tasks you've given him.

Why don't I go outside and tell
him he won't be needed anymore?

Wait!

He's technically a volunteer,

so I don't think the council
would see any issue with it.

If there's nothing else?

What happened? Did Olive cry?

Did you carry Damien out in
your arms like a fireman?

No.

Daniel, get over here.

McCallum Real Estate is going to sponsor

the Neighbourhood Watch
membership drive tomorrow.

We're what?

Be good advertising for us while
they're seeking new members.

What about Damien?

He's gone to do those
jobs I need him to do.

Ah!
Free advertising and you freed the hostage.

You're a negotiating master.

How did you get him away from Olive?

You two are gonna finish his tasks.

What?!

Well, it's mostly chores
and simple jobs left today.

What sort of simple jobs?

Mostly painting and mowing the yard.

Olive's got a list for you.

Is giving her the finger on the list?

No.

And you're representing McCallum
Real Estate, so no half-arsing.

Who are you calling?

I know someone who can lend
us a ride-on lawnmower.

Shotgun.

Well, well, well.

Barbara's little helpers.

Hope you're ready to get your hands dirty.

REALLY dirty.
And you're not borrowing our gloves.

We've got our own gloves.

Just give us the list.

Just make sure I haven't missed anything.

Nice car.

Oh, whatever, Frank.

I mean, if you want a quick tour,

the dash does has some
pretty incredible functions.

Let's go.

Ready?

What?

Oh!

Mate,
you're not getting in the corners properly.

Can we keep it?!

There's no more grass to cut!

I think I see another bit over here!

At least give me a turn! I organised it!

Hi, guys!

Damien!

Did you get all of Mum's jobs done?

Yep. Yeah, all sorted.

Thanks for filling in for me.

I could probably talk to Olive
about making you both Hippos.

I'm good.

What do you mean?

- You're not staying?
- Yeah. Olive's got a new list.

What?

Damien, the meeting's about to start.

- Yep. Uh, no worries.
- Mate!

Oh, sorry, Em.

Members only.

I guess... I'll see you guys sometime?

- Password.
- Uh, padlock?

We can't go without him, right?

Well, I think we have
to. It's his decision.

We can stand at the end of
the yard and we call him

and we see if he comes to us
or the Neighbourhood Watch.

Em.

He's part of our family.

What, do we just leave him
here and go get some new guy?

Well... If you...
if you love something, let it go.

What about, if you love something,
you should fight for it?

Or, at least... not do nothing?

Do you want another ride on the lawnmower?

Yes, please.

- Morning, Emma.
- Morning.

Sorry I'm late.
I slept in, or broke down, or whatever.

Hey, mate.

The new business cards you ordered arrived.

I noticed your photo was bigger than mine,

so you're gonna have to order new ones.

Look, I'm sorry about the photo, OK?
I thought it'd be funny.

But I'm just not in the mood right now.

Oh, no, no - I mean,
you'll have to order new cards

for our new... employee.

What?

What?!

What's happening?

I talked to Mum about my car,

and I thought it might be
better to use the money

to put Damien on a retainer full-time -

that way,
he's available whenever we need him.

Oh, but... your car.

Damien's pretty confident
he can fix mine up.

He's gonna repaint it,

and he's gonna see what he
can do about the pig smell.

Man, I would love to hear what
they're talking about right now.

Uh, you had chicken schnitzel,
and I had soup.

I don't remember my meal, Damien.

I bet it's amazing.

- Good to have you with us.
- Uh, thanks again.

- Hey, team.
- This is so awesome!

Are you gonna be in the office with us?

Uh, occasionally.

Um, Barbara says I can set
up in the meeting room.

And I guess either leave or sit quietly

in the meetings I'm not needed in.

Yay! I'll get you a login for the Wi-Fi.

Thanks, mate.

Was Olive mad?

Nah.

I can help them out when I've got time.

Um, I've been demoted to Fox,
though, but that's OK.

Oh.

What rank's Olive?

Owl.

That's cool.

'Cause they've got the
best eyesight at night.

- Yeah.
- Well, to make you feel welcome,

we're gonna introduce animal ranks here.

Daniel!

You're a skunk!

No!

Classic skunk.

- Damien, you're in my...
- Yeah?

Never mind.

Right. Let's get started.

I would like to officially welcome
our new staff member, Damien. Whoo!

Uh, it's good to be here.

I haven't had an office job before.

I feel like the prime
minister or something.

Good to have you.

Where are we at with the car?

Oh, yeah. Um, finished it this morning.

- It's in the car park.
- Really?

- Can we have a look?
- Sure.

We just sat down!

I put a cover on it because I
thought it'd be fun to reveal,

and I know you like fun things.

Also, protects it from the weather.

Oh, mate, it looks brilliant!

- You've even got the logo on there.
- Yeah.

Couldn't get rid of that pig smell,

but the paint smell should
overpower it for a while.

It looks so good.

It does. Well done.

Well, come on - back to work.

Got a lot to get through today.

Thanks, mate.

I'll be right there.

- Hey, uh, did you...?
- Oh.

Yes!

Hang on, what have you done?

Nothing.

- Damien, get rid of it.
- Wait.

What if it says, "Emma and Daniel rulz"?

I'll allow it.

Make his name smaller.

- No, no, no, same size.
- OK.

Your name's Butthole, right?

I've... got a problem with my landlord.

Hello!

Can you get a restraining order on
someone because they're annoying?

- Oh, God, it's Margaret.
- Hello!

So, what do we do?

Mate, I'm a genius.

Guys, I think she's coming.

Lena! It's me, Margaret!

Um, guys?!

Maybe we should get you
personalised numberplates.

I know Mum has one,
but I reckon they're a waste of money.

What if the licence plate it came with was
'POO'?

They wouldn't issue one with 'POO'.

They'd skip over the rude words, surely.

I mean, they'd have to.

They'd never make a licence plate that was
'DIK' or 'ASS'.

Whose decision is that?

Is there someone sitting
in an office who's like,

"'SEX' is fine, but not 'WEE'"?

'TIT'.

- 'BUM'?
- 'BUM'! Of course!

- 'BUM'!
- How did we not think of 'BUM'?

Thank you.