01x33 - Lucy's Schedule

[bunniefuu]

Lucy, for goodness' sakes, aren't you ready yet?
I'll be ready in a minute, dear.

Hurry up, we're going to miss the start of the movie.

I'll be ready in a minute, dear.

I wonder what time that feature starts.

What did you do with the paper?
I'll be ready in a minute, dear.

"I'll be ready in a minute, dear.

" "I'll be ready in a minute, dear.

" Ay-ay-ay.

Oh, there it is.

High Noon, Gary Cooper I'll be ready in a minute, dear.

Ay-ay-ay.

Lucy, you haven't even got your dress on yet.

You were supposed to be ready an hour ago.

Well, it's all your fault.

My fault?
Yes, I wasted an hour telling you I'd be ready in a minute.

Oh, now, come on, what are you doing?
Now, honey, I'm almost ready and you're not helping any.

If you want to make yourself useful get a dress out for me to put on.

All right, all right.

Which dress you want to wear?
Well, which dress you want to put on?
I'm thinking.

I can't make up my mind.

Put on any dress, honey.

The Mertzes will be here in a minute.

What makes you think so?
I talked to Ethel ten minutes ago.

She wasn't anywhere near ready.

She'll be here.

Fred told me that tonight she's going to be here ready to go, with her coat on, at Hah!
If I know Ethel she's just about getting out of the tub.

Well, look, just in case they happen to be on time would you please decide which dress you want to put on?
Well, what dress would you like me to wear?
How about this one, eh?
You like that dress?
Yeah, sure, I like it, it's beautiful, fine.

No, Ethel's seen me in that so much.

How about this one?
Oh, honey, everybody's seen me in that.

Oh, I wouldn't wear that to a movie.

Why not?
Don't tell me Gary Cooper has seen you in it.

No, it's too tight.

Ay-ay-ay.

FRED: Hi, Rick, here we are!
You folks ready?
We'll be ready in a minute, dear.

Now you got me doing it.

You see, he's got Ethel up here, ready to go just like he said he would.

You go out and talk to them, dear.

I'll be right out.

Okay.

Now, look, if you're not ready in five minutes we're going to go without you.

Yes, dear.

All right.

Hiya, Fred, hi, Ethel.

Hi, Rick.

You did better than I did.

Lucy's still dressing.

You're not firm enough.

Well, I'll be firm enough tomorrow night, boy.

We're going to have dinner with the new buss.

You're having dinner with a bus?
Mr.

Littlefield-- the fellow that bought the nightclub-- I work for him now; he's my buss.

Oh, I thought you meant bus like they have at the boss station.

Oh.

Yeah.

Well, she better be on time tomorrow night or she'll really be known as the late Mrs.

Ricardo.

I heard that remark.

Hi, Fred.

Hi, Lucy.

Hi, Ethel.

Oh, gee, do you look pretty!
Is that new?
What's the matter with you?
Oh, she's mad at me.

When I say 8:00, ready or not, I mean it.

I don't get it.

Lucy, it's one minute to 7:00 and we're supposed to be there at I'll be ready in a minute, dear.

Lucy, I'm telling you I don't want anything to go wrong tonight.

I'm talking to Mr.

Littlefield about making me the manager of the club.

Now, I'm going to give you 25 seconds What were you saying, dear?
Lucy, you're all dressed and ready to go.

Naturally.

Well, I apologize for everything I ever said.

How did you do it?
I played a little trick on myself.

What do you mean?
Well, knowing my own weakness I wanted to make sure that I'd be on time so I turned the clock back so I'd have an extra hour.

it's only 6:00, instead of 7:00.

Why, honey, that's wonderful.

I'm proud of you.

Thank you.

You know, I can really get things done if I just put my mind to it.

Oh, gee, I hope the Littlefields have a good dinner.

I'm starved.

Me, too-- I didn't have any lunch.

You know, that clock idea is real clever.

I should have thought of that a long time ago.

Come on, honey.

Okay, dear.

Gee, look how dark it is, and it's only 6:00.

Yeah, well, the days are getting shorter.

No, they're not, they're getting longer.

Lucy?
What?
Which way did you turn this clock?
Forward or backwards?
Backwards, so I'd get an extra hour.

Oh, no!
You should have turned it forward.

Forward?
Sure, then when it said 7:00 it would only be 6:00.

It's now 8:00.

Eww We'll be an hour late for dinner.

Come on, will you?
Oh, no!
Alvin, what do you suppose could have happened to the Ricardos?
I can't imagine.

I told them dinner at 7:30.

It's nearly 8:30 now.

Really, when I realize how you rushed me.

"Have it ready on time.

" "Have it ready on time.

" "Be sure it's ready on time.

" Phoebe, you know I consider tardiness a major sin.

I wish I could get you to feel that way.

Oh, darling, why do you persist in sneaking these in here?
They're so cheap-looking.

We can afford real fruit, you know.

Alvin Mama gave us that wax fruit for our wedding anniversary.

You put it right back I don't care, Phoebe (doorbell buzzes)
Oh, there they are now.

Well, come in, come in, come in.

I don't believe you've met Mrs.

Littlefield.

Phoebe, may I present Mrs.

Ricardo, Mr.

Ricardo.

How do you do?
How do you do?
Pleasure.

I'm so sorry that we're late.

It's just disgraceful.

It's quite all Won't you sit down?
Mr.

Ricardo you come and sit here next to me.

Thank you, thank you.

Gee, I hope we haven't ruined your dinner.

Oh, not at all.

Of course not.

Oh, that's good.

It was delicious.

You mean you finished dinner?
Oh, some time ago.

When I say 7:30, I mean 7:30.

Oh.

Of course, I could fix you something even though everything has been put away and the dishes are all washed.

Oh, well, I hate to bother you, but, gee, I'm so darn hungry No, thank you, Mrs.

Littlefield, we've eaten.

But Ricky We've eaten.

(audience laughing)
See, when we saw that we couldn't get a cab right away we had a little snack.

MRS.

LITTLEFIELD: Oh, well, if you're quite sure.

It's too bad you couldn't make it for dinner.

Phoebe outdid herself.

It wasn't anything special.

Just pork chops.

Pork chops?
Oh, they're my favorite.

Oh, then you would have loved these.

They were stuffed and about that thick.

About that thick?
And the potatoes were a masterpiece.

Now, Alvin!
But they were, my dear, they were-- baked, and with big globs of cheese and butter.

Big globs of cheese and butter?
I must have gained five pounds what, with all that cheese and butter and the hollandaise sauce.

Hollandaise sauce?
What was it on?
Asparagus tips-- fresh, tender asparagus tips.

Are you sure you've both had dinner?
Oh, yes, we had plenty.

Didn't we, Lucy?
Hollandaise sauce, huh?
Perhaps you'd like an after-dinner mint.

Oh, where are they?
Where are they?
(clears throat)
Well, I think I have room for just one teensy- weensy mint.

I always say there's nothing quite (audience laughing)
There's nothing quite like a good after-dinner mint, is there?
Oh!
(mumbles)
I'll get some more.

(clears throat)
I must say, Mr.

Ricardo I hope this being late isn't a habit with you.

I like punctuality in the people who work for me.

Oh, yes, I know.

This was just an accident, sir.

LITTLEFIELD: Well, I hope it was.

(screams:)
Mrs.

Ricardo!
RICKY: Lucy!
Lucy!
(all yelling)
Honey, I don't know what you're so upset about.

The Littlefields understood when we explained the clock business.

Mrs.

Littlefield cooked dinner for us, didn't she?
It doesn't matter.

It was very embarrassing.

She wouldn't have had to go through all that trouble if you would have been on time.

Now, how long does it take you in the bathtub?
To do what?
What are you writing there?
"Lucy's schedule"?
Lucy who?
Lucy you, that's who.

Let me see this.

I'm making out a schedule so you can budget your time.

Budget my time?
You mean like I budget my money?
Heaven forbid.

Give me that.

Now, Ricky, listen You listen to me.

Now, I'm sick and tired of you being late all the time.

It's obvious you cannot budget your time so somebody has to do it for you.

Well, I don't think I'm going to like this.

How does it go?
Well, we'll write down everything that you do and we'll allow so much time for each thing-- ten minutes for this, 15 minutes for that Oh, I'm going to need more than 15 minutes for that.

Never mind.

You're going to go on this schedule and you're starting tomorrow morning, understand?
Good morning, dear.

Good morning.

How about a good-morning kiss?
Sorry, it's not on the schedule.

You know, as a matter of fact I want to congratulate you on the way you've been budgeting your time in the last few days.

Well, as much as I hate to admit it, this thing does seem to work.

Good.

Is breakfast ready?
Yep, all set.

There's nothing on the stove.

Where is it?
Well, I knew I wouldn't have time to cook it this morning.

So, I had some time left over last night so I cooked breakfast last night.

You did what?
Don't worry about it spoiling.

It's all in the freezer.

Lucy, I can't eat this egg.

Why not?
It's too salty.

Well, I'd cook you another one but it would throw me off schedule.

Never mind, I have an appointment with Mr.

Littlefield.

Just give me some coffee, huh?
Yes, sir.

Thank you.

Lucy What's the matter?
You always like iced coffee.

More coffee, Ricky?
Oh, yes, thank you.

Another roll?
Don't mind if I do.

Don't you people ever eat at your house?
Yes, sir.

It's just that I have a very big appetite.

Oh.

Oh, I see.

Well, let's get down to business.

I've been thinking over your suggestion about being the manager of the club and I'd like to talk to you about it.

Well, certainly.

I've been watching you and I like the way you handle things.

Oh, thank you.

In fact, you have all the qualifications to be manager of the Tropicana.

Oh, well, then can I can I get the job?
No.

Oh.

I'd say yes, except for one little thing-- that business about being late for dinner the other night.

Oh, but that was my wife's fault.

Oh, that's just it.

If a man can't run his own home I certainly can't give him a nightclub to manage.

Uh, cigarette?
Yes, thank you.

You can appreciate my position, of course.

Oh, yes, sir, I do, of course I do.

Uh You see, Mr.

Littlefield, you don't understand.

That was before.

Things are all different now.

Oh?
Oh, yes, sir.

The other night when I got home, I laid down the law.

I made out a schedule and I'm making her stick to it.

And?
It's working fine.

She's really doing what you say?
Oh, sir, I got her jumping around like a trained seal.

A trained seal.

(chuckles)
(chuckles)
Oh, I sure would like to see a thing like that.

Well, why don't you come for dinner tonight and you can see how the schedule works?
May I bring my wife?
Certainly.

Then she can see that a house can be run on schedule.

If it works the way you say it does, you can be the new manager.

Thank you very much.

ETHEL: Hi.

Oh, oh!
Hi, Ethel.

Uh sit down.

I have three and a half minutes to spare.

Listen, Lucy, you're going to have to cut out this schedule business.

Why?
'Cause Fred thinks it's a wonderful idea.

If it works out, he's going to put me on one.

Well, truthfully, Ethel I find that I get everything done and I have time left over.

Of course, I cheated a little bit.

What do you mean, you cheated a little bit?
I drew in an extra hour at the bottom of the chart.

Where did you get the extra hour?
From the next day.

From the next day?
Yeah, it'll work out fine till the end of the year and then I'll be two weeks short.

(doorbell buzzes)
Who can that be?
Oh, Mrs.

Littlefield!
How do you do?
Come in, won't you?
Uh, this is my neighbor Ethel Mertz.

This is Mrs.

Littlefield.

Sit down, won't you?
Thank you.

Well, I I didn't expect you until tonight.

Mrs.

Ricardo, what are you trying to do to the wives of America?
I beg your pardon?
Your husband told my husband that you're running this house on a time schedule.

That's right.

You Benedict Arnold.

What do you mean?
We wives have spent years persuading our husbands that we haven't time to do our work.

Now, if you go through with this you'll louse it up for all of us.

You're darned right.

My husband wants to put me on a schedule, too.

If my Alvin sees what he likes here at dinner tonight I start punching a time clock tomorrow.

Well, I can't let Ricky down.

He's asked you here tonight to show you how proud he is of me.

Oh, yes?
Well, I overheard him tell my husband that he had you hopping around like a trained seal.

Oh, he didn't mean it like that.

No, of course not.

Trained seal, huh?
It was probably just an unfortunate choice of words when he invited us here tonight to "watch you perform.

" "Watch me perform"?
Well, I'm sorry, but you're not going to see me balance a ball on my nose tonight.

Good girl!
Lucy, what are you going to do?
Will you and Fred come to dinner tonight?
Sure.

This is no time for formality.

Phoebe, will you help me?
Lucy, I'll do anything.

Thank you.

Me, too.

Thank you.

Trained seals of the world, unite!
(barking)
Lucy?
Yes, dear?
Are you sure dinner is going to be ready when the Littlefields get here?
Now, don't worry, dear.

Everything will come off right on schedule.

Good girl.

I got to hand it to you-- that schedule idea was a real brainstorm.

I'm putting Ethel on one tomorrow.

RICKY: Attaboy!
You know, that little idea is going to make me a nightclub manager.

Good.

(doorbell buzzes)
Here they are.

Come on in, come on in.

Hello, good evening, Mr.

Littlefield.

How are you?
Oh!
Sit right down here, Mr.

Littlefield.

Oh, I'd like you to meet Mr.

Mertz.

Mr.

Littlefield.

How do you do?
Sit right down.

Come in, Mrs.

Littlefield.

Right over in here.

Lucy.

What?
What is this?
Well, can't waste time.

Got to keep on schedule, you know.

Oh, oh.

Oh, Mr.

Little the schedule, you know, Mr.

Littlefield, the schedule.

Oh.

Oh, yeah, very interesting.

Well, let's talk.

How have you been, Mr.

Littlefield?
Oh, fine, fine.

I had a cold, but I went to the doctor.

He gave me a sh*t.

It went right away.

Of course, there's been a lot of colds going around Time's up!
How are you, Fred?
Not so good-- I got kind of a hitch Sorry.

Mr.

Littlefield used up all your time.

How about a drink?
Yeah, that's a good idea.

I'd love one!
Yeah, so would I; had a hard day.

A drink would just hit the spot.

Well, it's too bad we don't have time for one.

Well, let's sit down and eat.

You sit right here, Mr.

Littlefield.

Fred, you're right across from Mr.

Littlefield.

Mrs.

Littlefield, would you help me in the kitchen?
I'd love to.

Lucy, Mrs.

Littlefield is a guest.

I don't mind.

She doesn't mind.

Well, I'm really hungry.

Me, too.

Well, that's good because Lucy's a wonderful little cook, you know.

RICKY: Yes, sir!
Soup.

Soup!
Oh, and doesn't that look good.

RICKY: Isn't that nice?
LUCY: Well, dig in, everybody.

Lucy, where are you going?
It's all the time we had for soup.

Got to stick to the schedule, you know.

The schedule.

The schedule.

I didn't have time to taste it.

(audience laughing)
Too bad.

It was delicious.

I wonder what kind it was.

Split pea, I think.

Split pea, yep.

Salad.

Salad!
Well, this is a nice salad.

Looks fine.

Doesn't that look good.

That is really (audience laughing)
Did you get any?
Me, either.

Look, look.

There's a radish.

Ah!
(chortles)
RICKY: Lucy!
What are you trying to do?
Just trying to stay on schedule.

I'll talk to you later.

Well, okay.

I think I have some free time at What's the matter, Mr.

Littlefield?
There's a shirt button in my water glass!
Lucy!
LUCY: Yes, dear?
There's a shirt button in Mr.

Littlefield's water glass!
Oh, well, I know how that happened.

You see, I found that I could save time by washing the dishes and the clothes together.

What is this?
Steak and peas.

They look frozen.

They are.

You see, there's no time on the schedule for defrosting.

But don't worry.

We have some nice hot biscuits.

Ethel, let's have those biscuits!
Here we go, girl!
LUCY: Right smack through the middle!
There we go, yes, sir!
Pass them right along.

That a girl!
Come on, Ethel, that's it, kid!
Faster, faster.

There we go.

Come on, a little faster!
That a girl, kid.

Right straight through the middle!
That a girl, very good.

Just Just a minute!
I've had enough of this.

I tell you (audience laughing)
Mr.

Littlefield, please.

Please, Mr.

Littlefield.

I think I can explain this, Mr.

Littlefield.

So can I!
You've got this poor girl terrified.

She's scared to death of you.

She's afraid of losing a second.

Anyone can see that.

Yeah!
What a temper you must have.

Yeah.

It's one thing wearing the trousers in the family but it's another being a Simon Legree an ogre, a a Monster.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, maybe I have been cracking down a little bit too hard.

MR.

LITTLEFIELD: I should say you have.

Now, first, we're going to get rid of this nonsense!
RICKY: Yes, sir.

Being a sl*ve driver is no way to run a home.

No, sir.

But it's the only way to run a nightclub, Mr.

Manager.

Mr.

Manager!
Mr.

Manager!