05x02 - A Little Kiss (Part 2)

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Mad Men...

You're going to Vietnam!

I think I'd like eventually
to do what you do.

Every chip I make we become
less dependent on you!

- Why you...
- Roger...

- I have made the best of this.
- This is not my home.

Feel him.

The Mohawk Airlines is over.

Don't stop.

I'm late.

Me?

He's been gone for seven weeks,

it can't be his.

When can I start looking?

I'm so in love with Greenwich.

Will you marry me?

Yes!

Things aren't perfect.

( theme music playing )

( Chanting )
O-wee-o, o-wee-o.

We got the poverty,
where is the dough?

O-wee-o, o-wee-o.

We got the poverty,
where is the dough?

Shut up!

- Get a job!
- Somebody call the cops.

That's all there is--
cops and negroes and priests.

( Chanting continues )

You're walking in a circle.

Must be hot out there.

What are you doing?

- ( Horns honking )
- ( Chanting continues )

You hit one.

Hey, watch the work.

- ( Laughing )
- To the men's room.

Crowd:
Less promises, more money!

Less promises, more money!

Do you know somebody's throwing
water bombs out your windows?

What are you talking about?

Everybody saw it was
coming from this floor.

We all saw it.

Is this what Madison
Avenue represents?

( Laughing )

And they call us savages.

( Music playing )

What are you doing up?

I thought this
was the bathroom.

It's down there.

Okay.

You want breakfast?

( Bacon sizzling )

Happy Birthday.

Oh, thank you.

We should wait for his cake.

We're not gonna be here
on his actual birthday.

Thank you.

It's from all of us.

We'll go to the deli for dinner
tonight and have cherry cheesecake.

- Open it now.
- Yes, ma'am.

- Can I turn the bacon?
- No.

I love it.

Good morning, everybody.

- Good morning.

- Hi, Megan.
- Hi.

That's so nice.

He needs one of those.

It's a badger--
from its tail.

- What are we doing today?
- We're going to the Statue of Liberty.

You always say that,
but we never do.

( Sighs ) You hungry?

Just black coffee for me.

Okay, everybody.

Have a Happy Birthday.

Thank you, Sals.

How old are you gonna be?

.

So when you're ,
how old will I be?

You'll be dead.

We're not gonna see
you next weekend,

but we'll see you the weekend after.
That's the th.

- If you say so.
- You'll be .

That's right.

You're not gonna come in?

No. But give Morticia
and Lurch my love.

Flick the porch light
when you get there, all right?

- All right.
- Good night, animals.

Say good night, honey.

Good night, daddy.

Get your brother's hand.

Bye.

You're losing your head there.

Dandruff.

It's spit-up.

I saw your wife
dropping you off.

Such a sweet scene.

Yes.

She has quite a smile.

She's getting back to herself.

How old's the kid?

I thought it would be
a little faster.

Does she cry all the time?

No.

She just...

There was a time when she wouldn't
leave the house in a robe.

Listen, there's a point

when you go from going home
on the : to the : .

If you finally
learn how to drive,

you can push it to : .

You're getting
the wrong impression.

Or not come home at all.

Beth and I got into it
so bad the other night,

I just jumped in the car
and drove.

Made it all the way to
some motel in Rocky Hill.

Put my fist through a wall.

Howard, don't get
emotional again.

Maybe she's right.

Maybe I am a little selfish.

I said I needed time
with my thoughts.

She asked me what
I do at work all day.

They don't understand.

Conductor:
Greenwich.

Next stop, Greenwich,
Port Chester, Rye...

Who am I kidding?
It's nothing a little peace wouldn't fix.

There you go.

Morning.

Of course.
I'll let him know.

- Was that for me?
- No.

- Who was it?
- Really?

Fine.
What's Don up to today?

I see a lot of napping
and pillow talk.

That's your schedule.

You all had the status
meeting minutes ago.

Can't you sit over there
once in a while?

What if I have someone
important coming in?

When you have somebody come
in, I will sit over there.

Here, why don't you
buy yourself

a fancy hat or a mask
or something?

No, thank you.

All I'm asking for
is a few hours a day

where the world might mistake
you for my secretary.

Joan said you were
supposed to share.

- And his phone rings more.
- Joan's not here.

And you just took $ from me.

( Phone ringing )

Let your conscience
be your guide.

( Coos )

That feels good.

That feels so much better.

Yeah.

I was right.
Somebody was very wet.

When you were that size, I
used to change you every hour

whether you needed it or not.

I don't know how many times
I have to say this.

Those go in the cabinet
in the hallway.

I'm sorry.

I thought it'd be easier if
they were near your bathroom.

I didn't mean it that way.

I haven't slept.

And I just feel
cooped up in here.

I think it's bad for
Kevin to be out there

until I'm done cleaning
the oven-- the fumes.

I don't know why you had to
do that on a hot summer day.

Anyway, I think we're about
to run out of formula.

Hello.

Hello, you.
You're gonna take a nap.

Would you like that?
You want to lay in the bed with mommy?

A ?

You buying his
formula or yours?

I'll take him for a walk.

Oh, God, would you?

You're gonna go
with Grandma Gail.

That's where you're gonna go.

( Fussing )

Close the door.

How was everybody's weekend?

Great. We all went
water-skiing together.

- Made a human pyramid.
- I was here.

Splendid. So I trust you're adequately
prepared for the Heinz presentation.

Yes, boss.
We have almost everything.

Mm-hmm. Just short
Mrs. Draper's work.

- She's writing the coupons.
- Has Don signed off?

He's late.
And so is she, coincidentally.

Clara.

Clara!

She should have just
rolled over and said,

"Don, what do you
think of this?"

I bet she says that
every morning.

( Laughing )

Come on, it's : .

- ( Laughing )
- No sunbathing?

No.

Look, we had
a three-day weekend

and you didn't do anything?

That's not my calendar.

Pete:
Clara.

- How was your weekend?
- Clara, is Mr. Draper in yet?

- No.
- You're late for the status meeting.

You should probably go prepare
instead of molesting my secretary.

Well, sweetheart,
the t*rture's over.

Let the fun begin.

My office is yards away.

So when I hit that buzzer,
I'm trying to save myself

a trip through the miracle
of telephonics.

Mr. and Mrs. Draper
are here.

- Good morning.
- Megan: So sorry. I overslept.

That's not true.
I did.

How was Memorial Day?

It was nice.
We had my kids.

You had the status
meeting at : .

- Morning.
- Good morning.

( Chuckles ) Did you read about
Y&R's paper bag drop?

I did.

- I don't see the humor.
- It's funny.

I mean, if nothing else, it serves
them right for stealing Pond's.

What does one thing
have to do with the other?

They stole the Pond's account
and now they're a laughingstock.

- Makes me feel better.
- Gentlemen.

Shall we mosey on over
to the conference room?

- We did have a meeting at : .
- Morning, Lane, clipboard.

We should run a want ad
saying something like,

"Sterling Cooper, an equal
opportunity employer."

- Our windows don't open.
- ( Laughs )

As tempting as it sounds,
I don't know if we need to be

spending money to further
their embarrassment.

Look, if there's no line item
for humiliating the competition,

Don will write it
and I'll pay for it.

But you're not
allowed to read it.

Forget the want ads.
The advertising column.

- I want them to see it.
- ( Laughs )

So, Heinz is coming in.
Don?

Yes. Caroline, can you get Megan
and the Heinz boards, please?

- Do you want the team?
- No.

- What else?
- Status is status quo on my end.

I'm supposed to have drinks with
Bruce Lewis from oldsmobile.

He wants to know if there's
a way around nader.

There isn't.
Anything else?

Lane?

I have a lunch at the A's,

so I should be back in time but
not necessarily conscious.

And according to the memo,
Kenny finally has signatures

from Chevalier, Galone
and Butler Shoes.

Footwear.
All good news.

I suppose that brings
this meeting to a close.

Don, may I speak
with you privately?

Uh, I should take a look
at these right away.

Mr. Campbell.

I have a call of nature.

Do not begin this meeting
without me.

When is he free next?

You obviously haven't seen
my coupons yet.

- Let's get out of here.
- No.

Then lock the door.

As soon as I'm in here
longer than five minutes,

people will start to...

What?
Who?

I have to get these to Peggy.

You have a presentation,
you know.

I could make you go home right now,
you know. I have that power.

( Intercom buzzes )

Caroline: Mr. Campbell
is here to see you.

- I just saw him.
- I have to get back to work.

Open your blouse.

You're a dirty old man.

- Anything else?
- No, ma'am.

I'm sorry.
Am I interrupting?

I asked for your first
available meeting,

and it turns out you have
nothing to do today.

If you could have any client in
the world, who would you want?

- American Airlines.
- Why?

- Because they stood us up.
- Right.

So I started thinking, who has
those feelings about us?

Mohawk Airlines.

You were very close.

The company's in
a lot of trouble.

It's very nice that things have not
gone well since we cut them loose.

They want to come back?

After the way
we treated them...

So that American Airlines
thing isn't happening?

- I, for one, am very excited.
- Oh, me, too.

I just don't understand
the secrecy or the urgency.

I'm meeting with them today, and
I think you should drop by.

Hank Lammott hit me pretty
hard on his way out the door.

I may not help.

Don, you're the big draw.

They're not going to ask
for someone else.

Look, get through this,
get them back for more,

and I'll make time
in my busy schedule.

Got it. I'll let you know
when I need you to...

It's a good idea.

Can I get some coffee?

Peggy: Oh, Megan,
you're here.

I took a risk on one of them.
Two for ¢.

Nice.

Of course, we're really
locked into the ¢ off,

but good thinking.

Stan, can you do
something to these?

Like what?

I don't know.
Do that thing with the border

around the edge so it kind
of looks like legal tender

with the can of beans
where Washington goes.

You want me to put
a little wig on him?

Play with it.

Drop dead.

They keep asking me to be
more and more specific

until you're
drawing it yourself.

- Do you want me to move?
- Oh, no, no.

- I'm just looking for gum.
- Oh, I have some.

So I have to ask your
opinion about something.

You did a great job,

but I can't really go
overboard on coupons.

I did that kind
of baloney for two years.

You should take comfort
in the fact that

it's very important to
the client-- too important.

No, it's something else.

Tomorrow's Don's birthday.

Oh, sh*t.
It's June st?

Ugh, I forgot.

Got to get him something.

I still haven't gotten
you a wedding present.

Sorry. You know
how busy I've been.

No, it's just, um...

I'm throwing a party
for him on Saturday.

It's a surprise.

Oh, okay.

For Don?

Yes.

Men hate surprises.

Didn't you have
"Lucy" in Canada?

Look, nobody likes it
in theory,

but people are always glad.

And you've never
seen me throw a party.

Everyone's gonna home from this
and they're gonna have sex.

Okay.

Sounds like fun
for us at least.

I mean, if I'm invited.

I don't want to assume.

You're invited.
I'm not sure who else is.

I went through his rolodex.
I crossed out all the clients

and everyone he's fired.

That doesn't leave
a lot of people.

Freddy Rumsen doesn't
come to parties.

- You have to invite Harry.
- I know,

but he really doesn't like him.

Really?

I didn't say anything.

( Laughs )

- Frank Keller, his accountant?
- He likes him.

There are six phone numbers
for Herman Phillips.

- Is he important?
- That's Duck.

What birthday is it?

( Mouths ) .

( Keys jingling )

( Door opens )

( Quietly ) How'd he do?

He was fussy the whole time.

But the elevator
always knocks him out.

Must be the vibration.

Who would have thought
you'd be so good at this?

You'll be good at it,
too, sweetheart.

What am I going to do
when you go home?

Are you really going
back to that office?

You worked.

I had to.
Your husband's a doctor.

It doesn't matter.
I promised and they need me.

I'm not saying you're
not important to them,

but they also know
that priorities change.

- They should, anyway.
- Why are you doing this?

You don't know how sick you're going to
feel inside or what you're going to miss.

What he's doing now,
that's nothing.

- Just wait.
- I know, I know.

I just--

I don't want
to break my promise.

And Greg will be stationed at
Fort Dix for a second year.

- I can commute from New Jersey.
- And then?

And then when he's done,

we'll see.

Joan, he's not going to
allow you to work.

Allow me?

Whither thou goest, I will go.

And how did that
work out for you?

( People chatting )

Ah, Pete Campbell.
Late as usual.

He obviously didn't
come in on a Mohawk plane.

- Hank. Jack.
- You're not late.

- Roger told us to come early.
- Hmm.

Have a seat. You're only one
behind, but they're nuclear.

Roger, they're looking
for you back in the office.

- It'll keep.
- We were just laughing about Y&R.

It couldn't have happened
to a better bunch of bigots.

( Laughs )

Roger, it's an emergency.

Really?

Oh, come on.
We just got started.

All right, all right.
Sorry, fellas.

Heavy is the head
that wears the crown.

You don't want me to fly
copilot or be your wingman?

Check your valises?
Hold your airsickness bag?

Do you want me to throw one
into the bag you're in?

You enjoy yourself, then.

Garcon, assume that
these are gone.

I should warn you
about these two--

- They're a thirsty lot.
- Always a pleasure.

When you're done with him, just fold
him up and slide him under the door.

( Laughs )

I love that guy.

And so we take advantage of
this new microphotography

and high-speed camera
to show...

A bean ballet.

( Humming )

Spinning in air with their
delicious perfection,

the beans pirouette
in slow motion,

they somersault in slow motion.

Some of them spin clockwise,
some counter-clockwise

so they'll appear to be
moving towards each other.

Until...

They drop into a full can
first seen from the top.

There's a splash of
mouth-watering sauce

as each one lands.

Then we cut to the front,
the iconic label.

( Stops humming )

"The art of supper."

Have you done this before,
this special photography?

It's been done before, but
you'll be the first on TV.

How do they get the beans to do that?
They can't just get lucky.

This camera can show
a b*llet spinning in midair.

Where's the bite and smile?

Ken, you said there'd be
a bite and smile on the phone.

I think I said there was gonna
be a bean ballet, Raymond.

But I'm sure we can add that.

And what do they
take away from it?

It puts beans on their mind.

It's an unforgettable image.

And believe it or not,
it makes them exciting.

And it'll show you have
a sense of humor,

because, really,
they're being portrayed

as far more important
than they are.

You ever see beans up close

they're slimy. They look like
a bunch of bloody organs.

And it's not just for fellas like
me that saw things in Korea.

Kidney beans are
called kidney beans

because they're
shaped that way.

But you could call
all beans that.

They look better
in a group, in a bowl.

Hell, what's wrong
with a spoon?

Don.

- Well, hello, Don.
- Hello, Raymond.

Good to see you.
Are you as excited about this as we are?

I don't know.

You said to be bold.

Nothing on TV is going
to look like this.

And just imagine seeing
one of these dancing beans

on the subway wall.

People will hear the music
in their heads.

Look, it's very artistic.

And I want to be bold,
but this isn't what I had in mind

when I was talking about a
new generation of consumers.

The ketchup kids,
are they even going to notice this?

I mean, that waltz alone
reminds me of old people.

Maybe I wasn't clear.

This is temporary music.
We can change it.

It's got no message.

I can see your point.

Beans is the w*r,
the depression,

b*mb shelters.
We have to erase that.

They have to be cool.
Don, you know what I'm talking about.

I want the kids in college.

It's convenient.

They have the hot plate.
They're sitting in.

Okay.
We'll work on that.

Maybe it's someone with
a picket sign saying,

- "We want beans."
- You know what, Raymond?

This is our job from here on out.
We'll make you happy.

Raymond: I'm really sorry
about that.

Please, this is a process.

Let me walk you out.

What else you got?

That was the best thing so far.

Unless you like
this beans protest.

Please, you can't be
surprised that that man

- doesn't have a taste for ballet.
- It's a joke on ballet.

And you can't be surprised he
doesn't have a sense of humor.

I'm not.

But I guess I thought
you'd come in here

and tell them how good it was.

Do I really want to waste an hour
and a half shoving it down his throat

only to have him pull
the plug at the last minute?

This is business that
came in over the transom.

We didn't pitch it.
He has every right to make us work for it.

I wish I would have known that.

I would have saved this
for round two.

We'll get him next time.

( Phone ringing )

Caroline.
Is he in?

He's gone for the day.

Ha!

Ah! Oh!

Damn it.
Clara.

Clara!

Oh, my goodness.
What happened?

- You want me to get some tissue?
- No.

I want you to tell me why
Roger Sterling was at my meeting.

- I don't know.
- I know.

Because he hovers over
your desk like a damn U- .

- What?
- You think he's looking at your breasts?

He's looking at my calendar.

Did she hit you?

Thank you, Clara.
You've done enough damage for today.

You need to lower your voice.
Have a drink.

No, no more drinks.

- Heinz looked miserable.
- They're making us work for it.

Don didn't seem worried.
Did you crash with Mohawk?

No, it was perfect.

Except for my deep nausea
and pending headache.

Oh, and Roger made
an appearance.

( Chuckles ) Well, that shows
it's a good lead.

It's my lead.

Wasn't Roger in the service
with Henry Lammott?

Did you do any rowing?

- You rowed?
- I was a coxswain.

The boat moved because everyone
pulls in the same direction.

I'm not supposed to worry
about Roger.

I'm supposed to worry
about other agencies.

You shouldn't be worried at all.
Business is stable.

Stable is that step backwards

between successful and failing.

Fine, Pete.

Just don't be impatient.

You know how this works
from here on out.

We start with a bunch
of piddly sh*t.

Your topaz,
your white knight cologne.

We add your mid-sized stuff.
Maybe Mohawk.

We still got Vicks.
That's big.

Next, we worm our way
into a few niche companies,

get something sexy in a good
neighborhood, a pharmaceutical.

Maybe if God
is gracious, a car.

And then we go public,

open an office in Buenos Aires,

and Elvis plays
at Tammy's Sweet .

Kenny Cosgrove writes another
great American novel.

You know it didn't hurt
to have Roger warm them up.

There's no one better
at turning a meeting into a bender.

And they love his pickled guts.

Am I going to see you
at Chez Draper on Saturday?

I wish I could get
overtime for it.

( Chuckles )

You ready?

- We're almost done, actually.
- Do you need her?

No, it's okay.
It'll be here in the morning.

- Great.
- Big weekend plans?

It's Tuesday.
I don't know.

I was talking about me.

My cousin's coming in.

Stan, assume that
you're working.

Good night.

You're amazing.

It could have been worse.

I almost said, "I'm sorry
I can't make it."

- You're not going?
- No, my cousin's on shore leave.

He's only got two days.
A little notice would have been nice.

I would have loved
to have seen the look on Don's face.

You almost just saw it.

Like we have nothing
else to do.

Did you believe him in there?

The guy didn't like it.
What was he supposed to say?

What he usually says.

"Hey, buddy, you got such great
ideas, open your own agency."

The clients are right
all of a sudden?

I don't recognize that man.

He's kind and patient.

And it galls you.

No, it concerns me.

( Groans )

Where are you going?

I've got tickets
to the bean ballet

and the curtain's
about to go up.

Never gets old.

( Laughs )

You're home late.

I thought I was going to have
to walk home from the station,

but luckily there was
a cab driver leaving a bar.

How was your day?

I didn't want to disturb you.

Oh.

This becomes a home the minute
you walk through that door.

( Sighs )

There's no fruit
to my labor, tweety.

Well, I suppose
none of this counts--

An acre of land,
a wife, a child.

That has nothing
to do with work.

I'm ungrateful.

I'm sorry.

Dissatisfaction
is a symptom of ambition.

It's the coal that fuels the fire.
You know that.

( Sighs )

Do you really want a dog?

Maybe just a beagle
to scare off gophers.

We'll see.

Oh, luckily my parents
can baby-sit Saturday.

Now tell me the truth.
Did Megan really just invite you today?

She did.
I don't know about everyone else.

Well, she's very impulsive.
We know that.

I have to go to bed.
Tammy will be up in a hour.

Go ahead.

( Chatting, laughing )

Attention, party guests.

- Hello.
- ( Chatter stops )

We're T-minus
five minutes or so.

So if we can bring things
down to a sotto voce,

that would help.

I'm gonna turn off the lights.

- No!
- ( Guests laugh )

Well, fine.
Just keep it down.

My God, is he q*eer.

He reminds me
of Lane's brother.

( Laughs )

( Elevator opens )

Ah!

Finally.

We're gonna go
inside in a second.

You're the one that dragged
me out to the restaurant.

Come on.

- ( Whistles )
- ( Sighs )

Jane:
You have to knock.

- You have to knock to get in.
- What if it's started already?

It doesn't matter if it's started,
you still have to knock.

No.

We were just in
the neighborhood.

And my mother always said
never show up empty-handed.

Oh, damn it.

- No.
- ( Sighs )

Calice.

All:
Surprise!

( Applause ) Sorry, I blew it in the hall.

All:
Aw!

But I am very surprised.

( Applause )

( Band playing )

I have to say that I am honored

and touched to be included
in this group of intimates.

And I predicted this,
did I not?

This.
( Laughs )

( Grunts )

Who is this?

Oh, that's my wife.

- Nice to meet you.
- Charmed.

The domino theory
is not a joke.

The Vietnamese
are fighting a civil w*r.

There is no monolithic
communism.

- It's an excuse.
- Really?

Come on, Bert.
It's for profit.

Bombs are the perfect product.

They cost a fortune
and you only use them once.

So I suppose this young man here is
coming home in a bag for nothing.

If he's lucky.
You ever read "Johnny got his g*n"?

No eyes, no ears, no nose,

tapping out his last
wishes in morse code

with his deformed head.

I thought there we
going to be girls here.

For purely selfish reasons, I want
to thank you for excluding Joan.

I would have had to buy
earplugs for the ride home.

It wasn't up to me.
Can't you tell?

( Laughing )

Hell of a party.
Jennifer couldn't make it.

- I'm sorry to hear that.
- No, she couldn't get a date.

( Laughs )

Anyway, I know
she said no gifts,

but I got you this.

Open it.

You don't have to
if you don't want to.

It's a silver-handled
walking stick.

Oh, look, he got you a cane.

Don Ameche has one.
It's a steinway walking stick.

You could stick it up
your ass and have a concert.

Thank you very much.

( Megan laughing )
Oh, my God, really?

Harry:
Oh, a n*gro h*m*,

a Canadian sexpot
and unaccompanied redhead.

I think this may be
my key demographic.

Hello.

Don't.
Just leave it alone.

I know. You're wondering
what they're laughing about.

It's not you.

Well, I for one think
you're very brave, Megan.

My mother always said

a woman should surprise
her husband every day.

That's why they had
no lock on the WC.

It's true.

Look at you delivering drinks.

We should get you
a pair of roller skates.

Roger, I didn't know
you were invited.

Or did you just hear
I was coming and show up?

- Is he going bald?
- ( Chuckles )

( Laughs )

It just goes on and on.

It's beautiful,
but it's very loud.

Listen, you can hear the
traffic even over this party.

I know.

Who cares?
I just want to take my pants off

and slide my ass
on the carpeting.

How's the summer treating you?

Well, it's been good
because it's been bad.

- What do you do exactly?
- He's a journalist.

Underground papers mostly.

You may not have seen it.

And what exactly has been bad?

Well, I don't know.
Four riots in three cities in two months.

It is terrible.

And lord knows the police
aren't much help.

I was raised sex, politics, and
religion aren't party talk.

Well, what does that leave?

I don't know.
Alcohol and work?

Mmm.

Hello again.

Trudes, which one
is Jane Sterling again?

Mm, the glamour puss
with the tan.

Marry early and often.

We're thinking about smoking some
tea with Megan's friends out there.

Will you keep
an eye out for Don?

As long as you're
just thinking about it.

You should join us.

Kenny gets brave
and recites poems.

And she thinks they're good.

Oh, absolutely.

Megan was the best
waitress they ever had.

No, but I did get
the best tips.

- How did you manage that?
- She laid on that accent.

You know, she's
a really good actress.

Not good enough, obviously.

- Man: Julia, come here for a second.
- Hello there.

Hello.

- Glad you could come.
- Great party.

You got a great spread here.

I just wanted to
make sure we said hi.

I can't stay that long.
I have to go back and redo the Heinz pitch.

But I guess you know that.

Come on, Don.

What are you doing?

Was that bad?

Hell, look who you're talking to.
How do I know?

Okay, everyone.

- My friends.
- ( Band stops playing )

First of all, I wanted to
thank you all for coming.

And second of all,

I think I've had
just enough to drink

that I'm ready to give my own
present to the birthday boy.

All:
Oooh!

Thank you.
Thank you all for coming.

I think we should
call it a night.

Absolutely not, Don.

You stay there.

- Did you buy him a pony?
- ( Laughing )

Un, deux, trois, quatre.

( Band playing )

( Singing in French )

Oui, oui!
Oui!

( Guests cheer )

( Song ends )

Happy Birthday, baby.

( Cheering, whistling )

Why don't you sing like that?

Why don't you look like him?

( Clinking )

- Je m'appelle Roger.
- ( Guests laugh )

- If I may raise a glass.
- Happy Birthday, Don!

( Chuckles )
As I was saying--

to Megan

for letting us see
the Don Draper smile

usually reserved for clients.

Hear, hear!

And to Don,
you lucky so and so.

As a wise man once said,
the only thing worse

than not getting what you want
is someone else getting it.

Okay, now, no one has
called and complained,

so there's no reason
everyone shouldn't dance.

( Band playing )

I should probably clean up.

Leave it for the girl.

She doesn't come till Monday.

Call her and have
her come tomorrow.

And Monday.

Problem solved.

Did you have fun?

Move over.

No, I just want to sleep.

Oh, come on.
I know you had a good time.

I can see it.

I don't want to talk.
I just want to go to sleep.

Hey.

( Sighs )

Don't waste money
on things like that.

It was my money

and you don't get to
decide what I do with it.

Well, cod you please not
use it to embarrass me again?

What?

I know why you're upset.

You're .

I've been for half a year.

This is your birthday now.

Fine, I don't like my birthday.

I told you, I never had it
when I was growing up

and I've never wanted it since.

You never had a birthday?

Didn't Betty ever
throw you a party?

No, because I forbid it.

( Laughs ) Why?

I don't need to be
the center of attention.

You love attention.

You twitched every time
I talked to another person.

( Sighs )

More people feel the way
I do than the way you do.

Where's your research?

Fine, I'm .

It's too late.

Aw.

Nobody loves d*ck Whitman.

I love you.

That's why I threw you a party.

I'm going to sleep.

You can do what you want.

( Horns honking )

( Horns honking )

Excuse me.
Someone's left--

There's a wallet here
from some previous passenger.

Oh, I'll turn it in to dispatch.
They got a lost and found.

There's close to $ .

Yeah, it happens all the time.

I'd-- I'd feel better

if I saw to its return.

You're putting me
in a jam here.

The guy's gonna call
looking for it.

That's me.

You know what?
You do what you got to do, mister.

Oh, that's for you.

Man on TV:
High tides and heavy surf

battered the coast
of North Carolina day.

Force winds and heavy
rain forced evacuation

along the coast
as far inland as three miles.

That was quite a soiree.

Did Masters and Johnson
come in yet?

They haven't passed by.

I should come and sit down,

so I can see them
slink in in shame.

You seem to be in fine spirits.

Well, I didn't get into
too much trouble on Saturday.

Plus, Mohawk called me
at home this morning.

Ah.

- ( Intercom buzzes )
- I hate to interrupt, Mr. Pryce,

but I have your wife.

- Which line?
- Three.

- It's blinking.
- They're all blinking.

- Three.
- If you don't mind.

I've called
a partners' meeting.

Hello, dearest.

Look, I know you were
upset when you left,

and perhaps I'm overreacting.

Becca, dear,

this is why I don't like
you opening the mail.

I only want to ensure that
Nigel is enrolled in the fall.

Nigel's enrollment
isn't an issue

whether we pay now or not.

Then why would they attach such
a threatening letter to a bill?

Wouldn't you rather have your money in
June than September if you were them?

Well, I worry about them
saving his spot for him,

especially with his marks.

I assure you that
St. Paul's is aware

that we plan on
having him return

and simply wishes to earn
whatever interest they can

on the full amount
for the next three months.

Couldn't you spare
that interest

in exchange
for my peace of mind?

Lane, darling?

What? I'm sorry.
I didn't get that last bit.

Nothing.
Don't forget

to get the name of
Megan's real estate agent.

Yes, dear.

And her decorator.

( Gail laughing )

Oh, Apolo,
you're so good with him.

Oh, I wasn't expecting
you back so soon.

First in line
at the post office.

- It wasn't that bad.
- Hello, Miss Joan.

Sink is draining.

Turns out it was a lemon peel.

I'm sure you know
we're appreciative,

but mother and I
have so much to do.

I am busy, busy, too.

Oh, you don't have to rush off.

He doesn't have to
rush off, does he?

When you need Apolo,
you call Apolo.

( Chuckles )

I want him to hear--

That was just rude.

It is one thing
to have him work here,

it is another thing to give
him cake and my baby.

His fingers have been in every
toilet from here to the bowery.

He brought the cookies.

If you want to go on
a date with him, just ask.

He's married
with four children.

I'm just making sure this
apartment gets his attention.

This apartment has never had any
trouble getting his attention.

Yes, Joanie.
Everyone's staring at you.

You know you're not exactly
at your fighting weight.

Try me.

You asked me to come out here.

You can go home
any time you want.

You should think
before you say that.

I got my money's worth.

Well, I wasn't going
to show you this.

That doesn't make any sense.

Look, I'm sure it's not the way
anyone wants you to find out.

No, it's not in the want ads.

And, honestly, they don't have
the money for more people.

It's not more people.
It's you.

You love stirring the sh*t.

I am telling you something
you don't want to hear.

And you are making this
very painful for me.

Megan Draper just invited
me to her party.

At the very last minute.

Don't tell me that
girl's not conniving.

You think she wants you
around her husband?

I'm going to lie down.

Sometimes life makes
decisions for you.

- Have a good day.
- Okay.

- Bonjour.
- I know your birthday was last week,

and I was told you don't celebrate
it and not to bring it up.

Now I feel like I got
caught with my pants down,

so I got you
a little something.

It's a plant.

I just wanted to say
Happy Birthday.

Kiss-ass.

Thank you.

( Singing in French )

I can get you some coffee, but
there's a partners' meeting.

- Nobody's there.
- It's in Mr. Campbell's office.

- You want to smile?
- Is it your obituary?

No, it's the little salt
we rubbed in Y&R's wound.

- It's beautiful, no?
- ( Phone ringing )

- That's Mr. Campbell.
- Shall we?

- Roger.
- What?

We don't make fun of each
other's wives here. Understood?

( Chuckles ) Come on, I
wasn't making fun of her.

I was making fun of you.
You're happy.

- I am.
- Well, I want you to be happy.

Somebody should be.

You know, two weeks ago,

Jane asked me,
"Which one's Mussolini?"

( Both laugh )

No, it's good.
She's a great girl.

They're all great girls.
At least until they want something.

Let's go.

They're just leaving now.

What, did they stop
for a drink?

Well, why don't you get off your rear,
find them, and tell them I'm about--

They're here.

Gentlemen, if you
could slide over a bit.

- A marvelous fete.
- Oh, yes.

I have instructions from
Trudy to thank both of you.

- Why are we meeting in here?
- Why are we here?

Please don't smoke in here.
I spent the morning choking on the train.

So, Mohawk is coming in.
I've brought them in.

- What do you know about that?
- That's great news.

- When?
- I don't know.

All I was thinking is that I
bring Henry and Jack in here

to this very gathering of individuals,
but I have one question.

Where are they going to sit?

I mean, what kind of impression
does this space give you?

Do you gaze upon the cement
column and think,

"Yes, I believe success
for me and my company dwells here."

( Laughing ) Why don't you take
them to the conference room?

Because it's not that meeting.

Fine, we'll have it
in my office.

This does not
involve you, Roger.

Nor does Vicks, Playtex,
Life Cereal, Samsonite,

Sugarberry Ham, Secor Laxative.

Need I go on?

What are you suggesting?

He's suggesting that you
give him your office.

( Chuckles ) No, he's not.

- Yes, I am.
- Well, forget it.

Where am I supposed
to conduct business?

In the crapper for all I care.

I'm a full partner
and you're a junior.

So sorry, Charlie,
but them's the breaks.

Gentlemen, I'm sure we can find
an equitable solution to this.

- There's no need for a row.
- You're right.

I say we put it to a vote.

I say we step outside.

I didn't think so.

Good work on Mohawk.

Thank you, but I'm dead
serious about this.

I have too much responsibility
and too much business

to apply my skills
in this environment.

You all know it.

We'll buy more space.

- If we're handing out offices...
- Absolutely not.

I can't extend our
credit line any further.

It'll work itself out.

Congratulations.

When are they coming in?

I'm still not sure they should,

considering the situation.

Great party, Don.

Absolutely.

I couldn't sleep.

Oh, those tits and that mouth.

She's such a sex kitten.

That whole dance--
How did he just sit there?

You can't stand up once
you get in that condition.

I would have.
I would just stood up

and grabbed her little
French behind

and pushed her through those
cheap post four walls.

- Hi, Megan.
- Very funny.

God, what I would do to her.

Like what, for example?

I'll tell you what.

I would love to see
those heels on my shoulder.

Ooh, je voudrais mas Harry.

Good morning.

Great party.
Thrilled to be included.

Jennifer was very jealous.

( Laughing )

I think I'm gonna die.

- Oh!
- You could have warned me!

I did!

( Intercom buzzes )

I have the owner of the wallet
returning your call.

Thank you.

- Hello.
- Woman: Hello, Mr. Pryce.

I'm calling for Alex Polito.

- And who is this?
- This is his girl Delores.

Oh.

Well, when he comes
into the office,

I think I should speak
with him personally.

Oh, I'm not his secretary.
I'm his girl.

I'm like his wife,
but I can't call myself that.

Oh.

You don't sound
happy about that.

- Excuse me?
- I'm married myself.

Oh, good for you.
What's her name?

Rebecca.
Rebecca Pryce.

Well, obviously.

- That's a pretty name.
- I suppose so.

She enjoys it.

Do you think
she's home right now,

lying in bed,
talking to a stranger?

Oh, I should hope not.

So-- so you have
Alex's wallet?

Yes, I do.

And where are you?

I'm at my offices in midtown.

Oh, are you in big business?

Excuse me?

Are you in a big
office building?

Uh, yes.

That's why I don't
have the luxury

of lying around at :
in my underthings.

I didn't tell you that part.

You didn't say
I was incorrect, either.

Where the hell are you from?

You sound like Cary Grant.

I told you, midtown.

Why don't I--

Listen, I really
should return this--

You know, the wallet.

I could slip it
in the post or...

Of course, you know,
that has its disadvantages.

There's a bit of cash here.

Or I could
hand-deliver it.

Is this a current address?

I don't know.

I don't know if that
would be proper.

No, of course.

Why don't you meet me
at my place of business?

I'll give you the address
or have my secretary help you.

Yeah.
Why don't we do that?

And I'll come by when I can.

Well, I'll be here
the rest of my life.

( Laughs )

Uh, just a minute.

I look forward to it.

Why not?

Toodle-loo.

That's cute.

Scarlett, would you give this
woman directions to our office?

She's on line three.

- ( Intercom buzzes )
- Mr. Crane.

Mr. Sterling has requested
you in his office.

- Is there a meeting?
- He just--

He just came over here,
said he needed to see you

and walked away.

- Why didn't he come in?
- I don't know.

He knows you're in there.

Okay. Okay. Did you see him
talking to Megan or Don?

I've been working.
What did you do?

Nothing!

You wanted to see me?

I did.

( Coughs )
Come in, have a seat.

No, that's okay.

I think you should have a seat.

Okay.

Now, I think you know

that we like to think
of this place as a family.

And there are certain ways
a family behaves.

What did she say?
You have to hear my side of it.

Your side of what?

What-- Nothing.

You're always up to something,
aren't you, Crane?

It was an honest mistake and I
consider myself reprimanded.

Great.

I was thinking Pete
could take your office.

Really?

Look, I will apologize
face to face,

as horrible as that will
be, but I think you're--

There's no reason to let me go.

You're not getting fired.

- Oh.
- And what the hell did you do?

I made fun of
"Zou Bisou."

So did I.
( Laughs )

Is that a crime?
No.

I tried to get Jane to
talk to me in that accent.

Nothing doing. She doesn't speak French.
She doesn't like me.

I went home after and Jennifer
didn't know what was coming.

- I was like--
- I don't want to hear that.

No, of course you don't.
Why would you?

Look, I think you can understand
that Pete needs a bigger office.

And just between you,
me, and the window washer,

it's been decided
that you should trade.

Who decided that?

- I did.
- I can't do that.

And I don't know that I
have to do it. Do I?

( Sighs )

Harry...

I'm asking you as a friend.

And I appreciate that, Roger, I
really do, but I need my office.

Look, first of all, Pete's
office isn't that different.

- I disagree.
- Fine.

Name the most important person you
could bring into this office.

William Paley.

Okay, so you shouldn't do that.

Trust me, network and
studio executives

want to think you're
out there jet-setting,

rubbing shoulders
with television stars

and chorus girls.

You should be talking
to clients ringside

or at a three-star
restaurant,

not coming into your
miserable little office.

But I do.
I come in here almost every day.

And Pete's office is a sh*t
hole with a support beam.

What if I were to
make it worth your while?

I'm already head
of my department.

What would be
an appropriate bonus?

There's no bonuses.
We have no money.

How much would it take?

Well, first of all, it's more
than you could have on you.

Really?

That's $ , .

Why do you carry so much cash?

It's more than , , Harry.

That is a month's salary

after taxes.

There's no window in there.

You could buy yourself
a very beautiful picture

of something to look at.

Well, okay.

- But you're gonna owe me.
- No, I'm not.

I just gave you a lot of money.

This is a transaction.
And if you don't like it,

we can have the conversation
you thought we were having.

So this is every month?

Get the hell out of my office.

Excuse me.
I'm sorry.

I'm Joan.

I'm Meredith.
Can I help you?

Joan Harris.

I work here.

Worked here.
I've been on leave.

Oh, Joan.

My goodness.

It's hard to believe
you just had a baby.

You don't know where I started.

Do you want me to announce you?

No, I'll let myself in.

- Are you sure?
- No one mentioned a new girl.

I guess they needed
someone up here

because Scarlett is now
covering Mr. Pryce,

so that she can
do the books with Clara.

Well, now I can understand
why I wasn't told.

Oh, my God.
My mouth.

Could you just
help me with the door?

Oh, he's adorable.

Please don't be mad at me
for telling you that.

I'm very happy
being nobody here.

I know a girl who had your job
who ended up with everything.

Where would you like
to visit first?

I suppose my office.

Yes, yes, absolutely.
Joan.

My goodness, you look radiant.

- Can I see him?
- I don't see why not.

- Where's Scarlett?
- Go fetch Caroline.

Joanie.

Look at you out and about.

Yes, we're gonna stop
by the Copa later.

One of us badly needs a drink.

Lane made it very clear
we're not hiring anybody.

I don't care how buxom
his mother is.

Oh, Don.

- Look at that.
- He's okay.

Hello, Megan.

Oh, hello, Joan.

I'm sure I'm not ruining
any surprises at this point,

but how was your party?
I'm sorry I missed it.

Oh, he's adorable.

Are we welcoming you back?

- That was my impression.
- Today?

- Do you want to hold him?
- What?

He's a little cabbage.

Mon petit chou.

It's just a matter
of time, Don.

I should be getting
back to work.

I'm gonna quit while I'm ahead.

Joanie, I'll say what I
said when you left here--

This is not a good excuse.

Nice to see you.

- When are you coming back?
- I was planning on three weeks.

My mother's leaving any day,
so I was gonna hire a girl.

It's gonna be
terrible to leave him.

Joan.

I was wondering if you
were going to visit.

Oh, my hands are dirty.

Oh, my God.
He looks just like you.

I should get back to work.
I have more than ever, thanks to you, Joan.

Good.

So, how are you?

Roger:
Well, well, well.

There's my baby.

Now move that brat out
of the way so I can see her.

Hello, Roger.

Little dud like my present?

I'm sure you're aware

that a bicycle's not
useful yet, Uncle Roger.

Oh, no?
He's a loafer?

He's been keeping me awake.

He needs constant attention.

Is that right?
Let me see that.

Has anyone even seen this baby
with you walking next to him?

( Intercom buzzes )

Lane: Scarlett.
Scarlett, may I see you?

I got it.

( High voice )
Mr. Pryce,

Mrs. Harris is here
to see you.

- Oh, send her in.
- I've got him.

Caroline, I need you to make
dinner reservations right away.

I'll be right back.

This really is
an unexpected pleasure.

Just stopping by.

Anything I should know about?

Uh, yes, actually.
Pressing business.

Would you mind?

No, not at all.

What are we supposed
to do with him?

Better than the steps
of a church, I guess.

Have either of you seen Clara?

No.

What's that?

Oh, it's Joan's little boy.

Oh, that's darling.

Would you please take him
and give him back to Joan?

Do I suddenly appear
to be wearing a skirt?

Spectacular party.

Just take him.
You should say hello to Joan anyways.

Clara?

She looks very good.

She does.
She looked good at nine months.

I don't know about that.

I'm surprised
you didn't tell her.

- Tell her what?
- That she looked terrible.

You seem to say
whatever's on your mind.

Is something wrong?

No.

I got the vicks coupons done.

I know you thought you were the
only one working this weekend.

No, I didn't.

Really?
That's what you said to Don.

I know.

I just-- I had too
much to drink and--

And you couldn't resist
saying something obnoxious?

Well, just so we're clear,

I put in a lot of work on Heinz.
So did you.

You can't even apologize.
None of you can.

- I'm sorry.
- You're sorry?

What is wrong with you people?

You're all so cynical.
You don't smile.

- You smirk.
- Is he mad at me?

I don't care.

Who wouldn't want
a surprise party?

I don't feel well.

- Megan...
- No, really, I don't-- I don't feel well.

Am I allowed to go home?

Of course.

I'm so sorry.
You were right.

I apologize.

It's fine.

Lane: Heinz won't
sign off on the work.

So they won't be back in
for days,

which means we won't get
paid for another .

And we're about
to sh**t Christmas ads

for Sugarberry and Vicks.

But they won't run
until Christmas,

so we won't get paid
until easter.

Well, that explains why you're
asking me for all this free advice.

Oh, I'm just trying
to get things in order.

So that you can
eliminate my job?

What?
Absolutely not.

- Then why did you run an ad?
- What ad?

- In this morning's Times.
- Oh, that.

That wasn't an ad.

Well, what the hell
was it, then?

It was some private
Barb directed at Y&R.

Mrs. Harris, the books
have practically

been held together
with spit in your absence.

What about Scarlett and Clara
splitting my work?

Splitting?
The two of them together

couldn't operate a parking meter.
They're imbeciles.

Well, that was
a dumb thing to do.

Oh, there, there.

( Sobbing ) I'm sorry.

I've been like this
since the baby.

And it's not him.

I just...

Keep thinking about
what's going on here

and I missed it too much.

It's too embarrassing.

Nothing's happened.

Something always happens.
Things are different.

Somebody tells a joke and you don't
know what they're talking about.

There have been no jokes,
not without you.

Not even at my expense?

I'm terribly
adrift without you.

It's just a matter of time
before they find out I'm a sham.

( Sniffles )

Nobody came to visit me.

They sent flowers
with some stupid card

written by the florist.

There would have been a cake, but
you weren't here to arrange it.

( Laughs )

It's just--

And I don't expect you
to understand this--

but my husband's
been gone so long.

And I know he's coming
home soon.

And even with my baby
there and my mother...

I feel alone.

It's home, but
it's not everything.

I do understand.

Now, I won't have everyone
thinking I've made you cry.

Well, at least tell me
about the party.

Mrs. Draper put on
a bit of a burlesque.

- No.
- Oh, yes.

She danced and sang
in front of all of us.

She was quite the kickette.

( Laughs )

I can't do it justice.

And Don?

I saw his soul leave his body.

I can't even imagine

how handsome that man
must be blushing.

Yes.

( Knocking )

I don't know how I ended
up with him, but...

Thank you so much.

Mr. Pryce, I will
be speaking with you.

Let me take a look
at him at least.

Handsome little blackheart.

- ( Chuckles )
- ( Passes gas )

- Ah!
- ( Laughs )

Oops.
I think...

Have you seen Clara?

Clara: Congratulations.
We're gonna be right next to each other finally.

What's going on?

Clara, could you excuse us?

Well, she obviously
already knows.

Please.

Uh, Roger, you know,
convinced me.

We all thought it was best for the
firm that you have a bigger office,

so I was asked to switch.

I'll be right back.

I appreciate your sacrifice,

but a bigger office
was not the point.

Well, fine, then.
I'll switch back.

Roger didn't say
I couldn't switch back.

I don't care what Roger says.
I am the head of accounts.

I am bringing in all the business.
I deserve the bigger office.

It's a great office, Pete.

It's very important.

It's got the windows.
God, I'm gonna miss them.

And you did this because
Roger told you to?

And also because
I respect you so much.

What do you want me to say?

Look, I just need a place
to hide until Megan leaves.

Oh, God, unless she told Don.

She's not gonna
tell Don, is she?

I don't know what
you're talking about.

- ( Knocks )
- Come in.

What's up?

At your party,
which was lovely,

I said something which
I shouldn't have said.

And I want to apologize

if you had a bad
time because of it.

I had a wonderful time.

Well, good.

The only reason
I'm bringing it up

is Megan seemed kind of upset.

I'm very sorry.
I should not be allowed

to drink at work functions.
Or at all, honestly.

- What did she say?
- Nothing.

But she went home.
She wasn't feeling well.

I'm mortified if I had
something to do with it.

When did she leave?

I think she wants to be alone.

You don't know her at all.

Caroline.

I'm done for the day.

- ( Intercom buzzes )
- Mr. Pryce.

- Yes, Scarlett?
- There's a gentleman here,

the owner of the wallet--
Mr. Polito.

He's in reception.
Shall I bring him back?

No, absolutely not.

Well, do you want to see him?

Yes, I'll be out in a moment.

Of course, Mr. Pryce.

Thank you, Delores.

- Excuse me?
- I said just a minute.

Hello.

Are you Mr. Polito?

I am. Although there's no
way for you to know that.

You got my wallet.

I contacted you.

Thank you.

Well, I'm glad this worked out.

Hold on.

Just hold on a second.

Everything's there.

So it is.

Well, you can't blame me.

My horse came in
and I lost my wallet.

Then it came in again.

- Here.
- No, that's not necessary.

- You've got to take a reward.
- I couldn't possibly.

My girl said
you were real polite.

Obviously from the accent,
you're not from around here.

No, I'm not.

This is the way we do things.

Thanks again.
I mean it.

You're a real gentleman.

Megan?
Where are you?

Oh, you're home.

So are you.
What happened?

Nothing.

You just left without me?

- I was upset.
- That's clear.

About what?

Because my apartment is filthy.

Where's the girl?

I sent her home.

What are you doing?

I'm cleaning up.
I don't want to get sweaty.

- Like that?
- Don't you look at me.

I'm talking to you.

I'm cleaning up.

Really?

Stop looking at me.
You aren't allowed to look at me.

Then put some clothes on.

I said stop it.
You don't deserve it.

Come on.

You don't like presents.
You don't like nice things.

Besides, you're too old.

I don't need an old person.

You probably couldn't
do it anyway.

Don't.

- Get up.
- No.

I don't want people to
think you're getting this.

- You want it so badly.
- I don't want it.

I don't want you.

You don't get to have this.
Go sit over there.

All you get to do is watch.

( Gasps )

Where's Harry?

Who cares?

Oh, I'm sorry.
Do you need to see Mr. Campbell?

No.

Is Roger Sterling still here?

Yes.

I want you to let him do
whatever he wants.

And I want you to pencil in
an appointment tomorrow

at the coffee shop in the ferry
building in Staten Island.

: A.M.

With Coca-Cola.

Okay.

That'll be all.

I don't think
those people like me.

That's not true.

Well, I'm not sure I like them.

The reason I didn't want
you to have that party is

I didn't want them in our home.

You've only been in the
creative end of this business

for three months.

And being a secretary,
you don't know what goes on.

There isn't one problem that Peggy
or anybody in that office has

that wasn't there before you.

You think you're a splinter?

You're not.

The whole foot's been
infected for years.

I love going to work with you

because you love work
and you love me.

But I wonder if

maybe it's not a good idea.

I don't really care about work.

I want you at work

because I want you.

I think we have to
replace the rug.

Just because you see white carpet in a
magazine doesn't mean it's practical.

It's beautiful.

Well, I've taken a lot of
pictures of white carpets.

You have to have
four or five on hand.

I thought you wanted it.

I just wanted you
to have what you want.

What are you doing?

I've got to go
to Staten Island.

- What time is it?
- Shut up.

An aboveground pool?

No, no, in the ground.
With deck chairs.

That costs a fortune.
You gonna dig it yourself?

We'll see what happens
at Christmas.

I never count on a bonus.

I'm not talking to you.

I hope to be dead by Christmas.

( All laugh )

Do you have any money
for the grocer?

You told me not
to write any checks.

No, of course.

Shh.

Shh.

He's finally gone to sleep.

( Elevator dings )

We cannot call security.
They are applicants.

What's going on out there?

They're all here responding to
your hilarious advertisement.

Oh.

Is it just me, or is the
lobby full of negroes?

- They saw the Y&R ad.
- ( Laughs )

The humor was lost on them.

- Not on me.
- It was a childish prank.

Because you're
above that, right?

What are we gonna do?

Would you leave us be, dear?

Tell them the position's
been filled.

There's the possibility that we
could be the subject of a protest.

Then we interview them.
Forever. They'll go away.

That is not a solution.

And who's to say there's
not a reporter out there?

I don't know why
we can't just hire one.

Because we're not
hiring anyone.

Just fire that receptionist.

We can't have one out there.

- What is that?
- It's from Young & Rubicam.

It's a resume.

" to ' ,

toted dat barge,
lifted dat bale."

( Laughs )

Did those people out there

see that artifact come in here?

Yes.
I'm positive.

Good morning.

I'd like to thank
you all for coming.

First of all, we're only
looking for secretaries.

So, gentlemen,
you are free to leave.

I mean, you are
welcome to leave.

I mean, you may go.
( Clears throat )

I will be collecting resumes.

And then those of you
who meet the qualifications

will receive a call
to schedule an interview.

♪ don't you see ♪

♪ that now you've gone ♪

♪ and I'm left here on my own ♪

♪ that I have to follow you ♪

♪ and beg you
to come home? ♪

♪ you don't have to
stay forever ♪

♪ I will understand ♪

♪ believe me, believe me ♪

♪ I can't help but love you ♪

♪ but believe me ♪

♪ I'll never tie you down ♪