07x08 - Severance

[bunniefuu]

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

I've never worn mink before.

It's chinchilla,
and it costs $15,000.

How does that make you feel?

Nervous.

You're not supposed to talk.

Just show me how you feel.

Walk over to the mirror.

Look at yourself.

You like what you see.

Don't open the whole coat.

Just try and make it lookhke

you're just wearing the fur.

Very good.

Now, I want you
to close your eyes

and take a deep breath.

And when I tell you,

you're gonna put your leg
up on that chair,

let the coat slide down,

and show me
how smooth your skin is.

Very good, Cindy-

Thank you very much, Cindy.
We'll let you know.

WOMAN". So, what happened?

Well, no woman,
even living in that sh*thole,

wants a toaster
for her birthday.

- Can you freshen this?
- Yeah.

And Abigail wasn't shy.

- That's your mother?
- Stepmother.

So she put the toaster
in the middle of the table,

and all the boarders come down
for breakfast and see it.

They weren't
particularly impressed.

Every day, one of them
would trip over that wire

and yank it off the table.

Don't go back there.
A lot of roaches.

Are you surprised?

Only by the size. There was one
making a phone call.

(LAUGHS)

Get up, I want my seat back.

Now, toasters were
indestructible back then,

except for the cord,

which suffered from being yanked
out of the wall every morning.

My Uncle Mack was cheap
and thought he could fix things.

So he wrapped a piece
of copper wire around it.

Sure enough, he plugged it in
and it blew him into the parlor.

He was unconscious.

(GIRLS LAUGHING)

All the boarders got up,
ran to his aid,

but Abigail didn't move.

She just looked down at him
and said

"Happy birthday."

(GIRLS LAUGHING)

Then put the kettle on.

He loves to tell stories
about how poor he was,

but he's not anymore.

Is that your way of saying
you want me to get the check?

Hey, Mildred Pierce,
can I get the check?

- Come on.
- Be polite.

- Can I get you something else?
- No, just the check.

You have anything
by John Dos Passos?

(GIRLS LAUGHING)

Sorry about my friend. He's...

Witty.

Do I know you?

I don't think so.

She's a little old for NYU.

$11.60. You must have had a lot
of hash browns, sweetheart.

Probably only eats once a week.

Let's split it five ways.

No, I think I owe someone
an apology.

That ought to do it.

That's $100.

I suppose I'm gonna have to
drop one of you off.

You decide who.

Don, let's go.

Yeah.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Good evening, Mr. Draper.

- Who am I speaking with?
- It's Joanne.

You have four messages.

At 7:30, Laura called and said

she has a photo sh**t
in the morning,

so don't call after 11:00.

What time is it?

10 past, but she called again at
8:00 and said midnight was fine.

(CHUCKLES)

- What else?
- 9:30, Maxine called.

She met you two weeks ago
at Cosmopolitan

and remains intrigued
by your proposition.

And last, at 10:00,
Tricia from TWA.

She's on a layover.

- And what are you doing tonight, Joanne?
- You're very funny, Mr. Draper.

Give me Tricia's number.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

So glad you could make it.

O'Hare's a mess.
They canceled everything,

so it seemed to be fate.

You look ravishing.

I feel a little underdressed.

Where were you tonight?

No, it's true.

On every single flight,

there's always one blanket
completely soaked in urine.

- In first class?
- Oh, yes.

(TRICIA SHRIEKING)

(LAUGHING)
I'm sorry.

It's your fault. You scared me.

Do you have a towel?

Don't do that.

(BOTH GIGGLING)

Another woman
you're sleeping with?

No, that's the woman I'm not
sleeping with. My ex-wife.

Hanes calls them L'eggs.

They're crap.

They're definitely not
as high-quality as Topaz.

They're in four test markets

and they're outspending you
6-to-1.

And outselling you 20-to-1.

It's more than the packaging.
It's the placement.

They're not just selling them
in drugstores.

They're focusing
on supermarkets.

And they're only $1.39 a pair.

So we need to lower our price
and buy more ad time?

This is only a novelty,
and the inferior quality

will catch up with them,

but we're recommending a change
right now

while it sorts itself out.

Look, I know you think
I'm cheap.

And I know you think
Topaz are cheap,

although apparently
not cheap enough,

but I just wanna spend money
where it'll make a difference.

They got an egg.
Why don't we have a topaz?

Big plastic jewel. Green.

Maybe it's see-through.

And Mr. Potato Head here
can relax

'cause he'll still make his
quota when we launch it.

I'd never recommend imitation
as a strategy.

You'll be second,
which is very far from first.

Whose fault is that?

I told you about the development
of this product

and you didn't seem worried
at all.

Art, Marvin,
are you ready for lunch?

Yes, lam, Kenneth. We had
a problem, but we solved it.

Well, that's great to hear.

What do we do?

We keep the client.

How was the party?

David Bailey
wants to take your picture.

Well, I have plans tonight.

So I'll be leaving at 5:00 on the dot
and I don't wanna hear about it.

Wake me in...

You have casting in an hour.

Great.

You have lunch plans?

Just coffee,
if the wait's not too long.

No, I just thought,
I'm going to the coffee shop,

so I could
pick you up something.

Mathis, you're pouring coffee.

I wanted to ask you
about something.

You want a raise?
Stop acting like a secretary.

This has nothing to do
with work.

My brother-in-law is in town

and I thought you could join
Julie and I for dinner.

He's very handsome.
The whole family is.

You're setting me up?

He has a car.

It's very sweet, but I really
have to question yourjudgment.

You know, you're a catch.

Thank you,
but how could you think

this has nothing
to do with work?

I told my wife that,

and she said it won't matter
'cause she has a knack for this.

What happens if I take you up on
this offer and it goes badly,

or he's homely or anything
happens, good or bad?

Did you think about that?

No, I didn't anticipate
any of this, I'll be honest with you.

I appreciate it, but no,
thank you.

Tell Julie
she's very thoughtful.

Are you auditioning?

I tried to arrange a meeting,

but Meredith explained
how much work you have to do.

We met with Topaz and had
the unpleasant conversation.

And their solution was a
knockoff topaz container, green.

What was our solution?

We don't have one.

The irony is, they're being pushed
out of the bottom of the market.

What's the top,
department stores?

Yeah, but they're a drugstore
brand. That's what Topaz is.

So they're not
called Topaz anymore.

Tell them their idea
for new packaging was good,

but the new packaging
should say, "Macy's."

That's gonna be tough

with the stores are being
blown up by radicals every day.

You know these two.

People haven't stopped shopping.

So all I have to do is sign
Macy's. Piece of cake.

Doesn't McCann represent
Marshall Field's?

Remind them
it's a two-way street.

Phil was in plastics,
he's going to metals,

and Greg was in metals,

he's going to marketing
and advertising,

which is my old job.

That means Tom Schaeffer is head
of plastics at Dow Chemical.

Good for him.

Good for you.

Now's a good time.

He's still not up.

Never wake a sleeping baby.

I want to see him.

What's that?

We don't want you
to think of this as retirement,

think of it as the beginning
of your professional career.

I don't know what to say.

You say "Jack Nicklaus, out of my way.
I've got better clubs."

I'm very touched.

Ever since your mother passed away,
I haven't really enjoyed anything.

Honestly, Ed.

He thinks he's a comedian.

I'm just glad there's something that will
get him out of the house besides that boat.

Who says I'll be in the house?

I've got a lot of time
to make up for.

Daddy, I'm so glad.

Most men my age have had
a couple of heart att*cks.

I'm still young enough to enjoy
things. New things, even.

I've started cooking.

Actually made myself a...
What is it, honey?

A Pop-Tart, Ed.

It was very good.

Next.

This is another girl.

Rachel?

I'm supposed to tell you,
you missed your flight.

Thank you.

Rachel.

Yes?

You're not just smooth,
you're Wilkinson smooth.

Back to work.

Is it morning?

No. Go back to sleep.

That's why I like surveying.
You see, I'm the outdoor type.

Sorry, did I wake you?

It's okay.
Did Eddie wake up again?

My dad is so old.

Don't worry about him.
He is going to have a ball.

Why did he wait so long
to do that?

Honey, he loved his job.

But you don't.

You're bored and angry

because you know it's not
what you wanna do.

I should
never tell you anything.

And I haven't gotten any writing done
in a long time.

So start now.

You've done very well

and let's stop pretending
like I wasn't born with plenty.

You could quit your job.
We could buy that farm.

You could write your book.

What book?

Something sad and sweet.

For people who don't have the
guts to live their dream.

Why don't you write a book?

You gave them your eye.

Don't give them
the rest of your life.

Your father was a cog
in a giant machine

that makes weapons and poison.

And you sell them.

(BABY CRYING IN BACKGROUND)

I'm proud of the company!

And if nothing else, I'd like to
wait and see if I get a raise.

There's always another hurdle.

You're not listening to me
at all!

(BABY CONTINUES CRYING)

You're late.

It's five after.

Casting always starts on time.

Can't you smell
the cheap perfume?

Can you call Rachel Katz
at Menken's Department Store?

No. You know what, set a meeting.
The number's in the Rolodex.

It's regarding Topaz Pantyhose.

Of course.

You're not the landing party
we expected.

What can we do for you?

As I was telling David here
on the phone,

L'eggs Pantyhose
is an unstoppable foe

in the affordable pantyhose
marketplace.

Our client, Topaz Pantyhose,

has the high quality
to wear a department store name.

It is a growing
and lucrative product.

In three months,
L'eggs has sold a year's worth.

They're worried that L'eggs are
gonna spread all over the world?

That wouldn't bother me at all.

(MEN LAUGHING)

We were hoping McCann Erickson
could provide, at the minimum,

an introduction
to your department store clients

so we can assess their desire
for a store brand.

I know they'd be happy
to meet you.

Especially Dan Higgins.
He loves redheads.

Would you tell him what's so
special about your panties?

The benefits are listed there,

but basically
they're more sheer, softer,

and more like silk to the touch,
yet still very strong.

So you can pull them down
over and over?

You can wear them quite a few times

before they run or lose shape.

- Do you wear them, Joan?
- I do.

If you talk to Dan,
I'd start with that.

I think anyone would be
equally interested

in the price-per-unit,

which could be reduced a lot
if the demand were higher.

Why aren't you
in the brassiere business?

Excuse me?

You should be
in the bra business.

You're a work of art.

What she's saying is that
wider distribution

would mean bigger ad budgets
for us.

I'd set a lunch, but I think
a dinner would be better.

And warm him up first.

Send a basket of pears
to Marshall Field's.

The one thing Dan likes
is a nice pear.

(MEN LAUGHING)

This guy.
What are their billings?

If you take a look
at the sheet there again.

Yeah. Give us a minute.
Let's read this thing.

Where were you?

Shirley, you're not going to believe this,
but I walked to work today.

Mr. Sterling
and Mr. Donnelly are here.

They just walked in.

You wanted to see me?

You know Ferguson Donnelly
from McCann.

- Of course. Ferg, good to see you.
- Been a while.

Is this about the Topaz
department store route?

I think it's a great idea.

I don't know
what you're talking about.

Did you send Ed Baxter
a $200 set

of MacGregor golf clubs
from the firm?

Actually, I hand-delivered it.
It was a retirement gift.

I've got some bad news for you.
Pete's gonna take over Dow.

Because of the clubs?

No, because McCann doesn't
want you on the business.

Just 'cause Ed's retiring
doesn't mean

I can't get along
with his replacement.

I know Greg from metals.

I don't care if you know a girl
from Kalamazoo.

We don't want you
on the business

because we don't want you
on any business.

Look, Ferg, you're not still mad
at me for leaving?

That was six years ago.

And you never hired me anyway.

When you bought
Putnam, Powell & Lowe,

I came with the furniture.

People come in and out of our
doors all the time, Ken,

but they don't walk out with $4 million
of Birds Eye products.

Of course they do.

Fine.

They don't walk around
the office like their sh*t doesn't stink

and then go out
and tell the world we're, what,

a bunch of black Irish thugs?

You're gonna fire me
because I hurt Ferg's feelings?

It's what he is. Look at him.

How about a little dignity?

You're f*ring me!

Yes, but you'll get a generous
severance package

if you help Pete secure all
of your accounts, including Dow.

Roger said
he'd be glad to recommend you.

Thank you, Roger.
I appreciate your loyalty.

(DOOR SLAMMING)

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

- Should we get lunch?
- I want to burn this place down.

I know. They were awful.

But at least we got a yes.

Would you have rather
had a friendly no?

I don't expect you
to understand.

Joan, you've never experienced
that before?

Have you, P9993'?

I don't know.
You can't have it both ways.

You can't dress
the way you do...

How do I dress?

Look, they didn't take me
seriously, either.

So what you're saying is

I don't dress the way you do
because I don't look like you.

And that's very, very true.

You know what?
You're filthy rich.

You don't have to do anything
you don't want to.

How was the cattle call?

We have to have another session.

You're shameless, you know that?

Do I have a lunch today?

No, but you have
a busy afternoon.

I scheduled
a meeting next Monday

with Mr. Rosenthal
at Menken's Department Store.

Mrs. Katz didn't want to meet?

Well, it was
a very awkward conversation

because apparently she stepped
down a few months ago

and passed away last week.

What?

Rachel Katz?

Yes.

I'm sorry to tell you that.

Last week?

I had no intention
of upsetting you.

How old was she?

I don't know. Younger than me.

From the name,
I just pictured some old lady.

I had no idea.

If you'd like, they've asked
that in lieu of flowers,

you can send a donation to

the National Jewish Hospital
at Denver.

Do you want to do that?

No. Yes, sure.

I'm going to run down
and get you a sandwich.

- I'm leaving. Need anything?
- No.

Mathis.

Yes?

Well, if it helps you get back
into your wife's good graces,

I had a cancellation

and I'd love to join you
for dinner tomorrow night.

sh**t, we already made
other plans.

Oh.

Well, it wasn't meant to be.

Stevie doesn't need to
come with us.

I'll sell his ticket.

- Stevie? How old is he?
- I don't know, 30?

- I don't know.
- Can I go?

Give him my number.
Tell him to call me.

Okay.

(CUTLERY SCRAPING PLATES)

You want a menu?

Just coffee. And could you
get her attention for me?

Di!

Just coffee for him.

Evening.

Can I help you?

You look so familiar to me.

Do I know you from somewhere?

Yes, from here. The other night.

No.

I think I know you.

You don't need a line.

I know why you're here, and
it's not for a cup of coffee.

Vi, I'm taking my break.

(CARS HONKING IN DISTANCE)

My name is Don.

(BELT UNBUCKLING, ZIPPER OPENING)

Excuse me, miss.

When are you done here?

You got your $100's worth.
You can go.

(ELEVATOR BEEPING)

- Have fun last night?
- Yes, I did.

He's very handsome.

Don. Don?

- Are you okay?
- I'm done.

McCann told Roger to do it,
and, boy, did Roger do it.

They want me to give
all my accounts to Pete.

I'm calling Jim Hobart right now.
You're the head of accounts.

Do you want to hear
something spooky?

Don't do anything rash, Ken.
It's just a job.

No, my father-in-law retires
and my wife says,

"I want you to quit.
You're wasting your life.

"You should write that novel."

And you know what?
I think I was gonna do it.

And the very next day,
they fire me.

Can you believe that?

No.

That's not a coincidence.
That's a sign.

- Of what?
- The life not lived.

So that's good?

Yeah. It's great.

Now I just have to figure out

how to drag myself
through those doors.

(PHONE BUZZING)

SECRETARY: Joan, you have a call
from Dennis.

Dennis who?

I'm not sure.
His girl just said Dennis.

He's at McCann Erickson.

It's Dennis Ford.

Should I put him through?

No. Tell him I'm in a meeting.

So, Clara just left?

She was as big as a house.

Is Torkelson going to marry her?

He's probably just looking
the other way.

People do that around here
all the time.

I swear I found out after
you did. It came from McCann.

So did your millions of dollars.

You know, I didn't really get
millions of dollars.

I mean, eventually,

but stepped out
in smaller increments

to stay under that
top tax threshold.

I'll have to buy an apartment
building to keep any of it,

and then I've got to be
a landlord.

Sounds like a real
pain in the ass.

Look, I was caught by surprise,

but I didn't know your history
with McCann.

What did you do over there?

I never fit in. I'm not Irish.
I'm not Catholic. I can read.

(LAUGHING)

It's good you're playing ball,
or you'd have no future.

In advertising, maybe.

You have other plans?

I may have
let it go for a while,

but damned if I don't have
something to write about now.

No, this world is boring.

You should write
an adventure story.

Do you know how great
you'll look on a book jacket?

I've thought about it.

I'm a hell of lot better at it
than I ever was at this.

Good for you. I'm envious.

I thought I was changing my life
when I went out to California.

Of course, now it sort of feels
like a dream,

but at the time,
it felt so real.

Well, that's you, I guess.

I know. Look, here I am.

And you know what?
If you get tired of the writing,

you can always use my name.

I've only good things
to say about you.

I appreciate that.

Jesus, Fillmore Auto Parts?

You trying to give me stuff
we don't even have anymore?

This is the same
as the navy one.

Don't tell Oscar de la Renta,
because the navy one is $159.

I can wear boots with that.

You know what?

I'll take the boots
and the tan heels,

the chiffon, the red
and this one.

Didn't you used to work here?

You can probably
still get the discount.

That's tempting,

but I think you have me confused
with someone else.

Could you?

(PHONE BUZZING)

MEREDITH: Ted wants to see you.

Send him in.

Got off the phone
with Wilkinson.

They narrowed it down
to three girls.

They want me
to send over the binder,

but there's
120 Polaroids in here.

It'll make things worse.

They're perverts.
They love casting.

They can't decide? Use them all.

There are three women
in every man's life.

You did not just think that up.

I've had it for years,
but I think it works here.

You'd rather find new creative
than pick a girl?

Speaking of which, Vogue is throwing
a party in the Village tonight.

Cocktails at my apartment,
it's right around the corner.

Apparently,
hemlines are going up.

- What time?
- I'm leaving now.

Okay.

(DOOR CLOSING)

So, you're from Atlanta?

No, I just went to school there.

Emory, it's the only game
in town. How about you?

Me? No. I didn't go to college.

I went right to work.
I was a secretary.

That's interesting.

Is it?

Ah. Here we go.

This smells delicious.

It does.

Didn't you order lasagna?

This is just as good.

Do you want my cannelloni?
It's like lasagna.

More than veal, anyway.

You trying
to make this complicated?

I don't know why you're eating
what you didn't order.

Do you like veal?

What am I supposed to do?
Send it back like a prima donna?

You're just gonna
eat someone else's dinner?

I can either be a jerk
and send it back,

or eat it and look weak.

I don't want this to get cold.

Johnny said you doesn't put up
with things.

Really?

What else did Mathis say?

He said you were funny.

And that you were fearless.

I love veal.

Excuse me. Can I help you?

Should I take my shoes off?

No, that's just
for the mourners.

I just wanted
to pay my respects.

I worked with Rachel.

At the store?
I'm Barbara, her sister.

I'm Don Draper.
I'm in advertising.

Oh.

I know who you are.

Excuse me, do you mind?

We need one more for our minyan.

I'd be glad to help.

He can't. He's not Jewish.

Okay. I'll go
and knock on some doors.

You shouldn't do it.
Let one of them do it.

Barbara, they're my neighbors.

We're sitting shiva.

It's a seven-day memorial period
after the funeral.

I've lived in New York
a long time.

I brought cake.

You did.

So, how is your family?

I got divorced.

And I got remarried, actually.

You left your wife for her?

No, it didn't work out that way.

I'm actually
getting divorced again.

I'm sorry.

Are those her children?

Yes.

When's the last time
you spoke to her?

Years ago. Before them.

What happened to her?

She had leukemia.

I'm sorry, I don't know
what you're looking for here.

I just wanted to find out
what was happening in her life.

She lived the life
she wanted to live.

She had everything.

Good.

I have to help. I'm sorry.

(PRAYING IN HEBREW)

(PRAYING CONTINUES)

(LAUGHING)
Johnny Mathis.

How many times has he shown up

and people
have been disappointed?

"You are not Johnny Mathis."

(LAUGHING)
I've never thought of that.

You don't seem like a lawyer.

I just left a firm in Boston
because they felt the same way.

I once quit a job
because I wanted to go to Paris.

Do they do that in advertising?

Sure. We sh**t commercials
abroad all the time.

Well, some people do.

So all you have to do is

write something in Paris
and you can go.

- Am I wrong?
- Yes.

That's not how it works.

Well, next vacation.

I haven't taken a vacation...

Well, never.

You know what? Let's go.

Sure. Where?

To Paris.

Let's go to Paris, right now.

You think you're kidding around,
but I don't have a job.

I'm not kidding.

Okay. I'm getting the check.

And I'm getting my coat.

I can't find it.

I've never actually used it.

You've never used your passport?

Stop.

What? Why?

Flight's not till 6:00.

I hate to disappoint you,
but I don't need that much time.

I can't believe this.
I can't find my passport.

It's okay.
This is a romantic spot.

Stevie.

I'm sorry, but what
were we going to do in Paris?

I thought you were a fling,

but now I think
maybe you're more.

I don't want to sleep with you
on the night we first met.

That's so old-fashioned.

I've tried new-fashioned.

If I have to go back
to Boston...

I don't know
if I'll get this job.

Don't you worry. I am going
to find that passport.

We can go next weekend.

I have an interview in D.C.
next weekend.

- How about the weekend after?
- Perfect.

You really want me to go now?

Just call me
when you get back from D.C.

- I will.
- Good.

(STEVIE SIGHING)

(DOOR CLOSING)

(ON TV) Ten days ago in my report
to the nation on Vietnam,

I announced the decision
to withdraw

an additional 150,000 Americans

from Vietnam over the next year.

I said then that
I was making that decision

despite our concern

over increased
enemy activity in Laos.

(ALARM BUZZING)

(BUZZING STOPS)

I've secured Birds Eye.

I think Ferguson Donnelly
is one happy man.

More like a man and a half.

As my father said, he puts
the mick in McCann.

(PHONE BUZZING)

CAROLINE: Ken's here for the meeting.

- Did you invite him?
- To this meeting?

Hello, Pete.

Roger, I wanted to tell you
I won't be collecting severance.

You got another job?
Good for you.

But you're still entitled.

It wouldn't be right.

My signing bonus
from Dow is so big,

it feels like a second helping.

What are you talking about?

I wasn't just Ed's son-in-law.

They actually value
their relationships.

I suppose they need a guy
in fertilizer.

I'm taking Tom Schaeffer's
old post.

Head of advertising.

So, you're going to fire us?

No, it's going to be way worse
than that.

I'm going to be your client.

And I hate to tell you,
but I'm very hard to please.

Until we meet again.

sh*t.

Taking Fleischmann's Margarine
to the studio.

If you want changes,
we gotta talk now.

Sure, fine, just keep your voice down.

I commandeered these.

Soundshke you had quite a night.

It was nice.

With who?

She's going to Europe
with my brother-in-law.

Julie and I
went to Paris on our honeymoon,

if you need recommendations.

I don't know where I'm going,
but you have work to do.

(ANTACID FIZZING)

Paris, huh?

Where margarine was invented.

Wow. First date magic.

I had too much wine and
I totally embarrassed myself.

Sounds like you had a good time.

I won't get on a plane
with somebody I barely know.

But you'd get to know him.
Sounds like fun.

It's nothing
a couple of aspirin won't fix.

Meredith,
I'm leaving for the day.

I got a little research
for your meeting.

Mr. Rosenthal
is first thing Monday morning.

- Who?
- Mr. Rosenthal.

From Menken's Department Store.

Pantyhose.

Thank you.

I've got this.

Hello.

I don't know why you're here,
but that won't happen again.

Wait.

What?

L.-

I had this dream
about a woman I once knew.

And I found out the next day
she had just d*ed.

Is that who you think I am?

No, I don't think so.

Well, I want you to think very carefully
about when you really had that dream

because when people die,
everything gets mixed up.

I don't know. Maybe.

Maybe you dreamt about her
all the time.

Maybe.

When someone dies, you just
want to make sense out of it.

But you can't.

I'm not saying this
to lead you on

or make you more interested,

but the next time you come
in here, please bring a date.

I just work here.

I just want to sit here.

Okay.