03x04 - Turn Me On, Geils

[bunniefuu]

♪

[Sighs]

[Lamp rattles]

Tribeca?

Hey.

[Lamp thuds]

I didn't mean to wake you up.

Where you been?

Uh... you know, just working.

Till : p.m.?

Yeah, uh, I got some beers

with Tanner and Hoffman after work.

Guess I kind of lost track of time.

[Brushing]

For future reference,
I like drinking beer

and losing track of time, too.

Yeah, it was really a last-minute thing.

Hoffman was supposed to text you.

All I got was this selfie.

Huh.

[Sighs] The food I stole from work

is in the fridge, if you're hungry.

I ate already, but thanks.

[Sighs]

You know, Tribeca, I don't know
what's gotten into you lately,

but you've been acting really distant.

What?

I got to be honest...
I'm really frustrated.

I wonder if it's time
we took a break from dating...

- I totally agree...
- And got married.

- Oh.
- Oh.

I'm gonna go sleep in the car.

[Sighs]

[Cellphone ringing]

[Beep]

Geils.

We'll be right there.

Tribeca, we got a m*rder.

Wake me up in minutes.

You know what? Wake yourself.

[Engine starts]

♪

♪ Angie Tribeca ♪

What are we looking at, Scholls?

Are you okay?

Never better.

Right this way.

This is Dr. Jurgen Kottbulle...

years old.

Found dead on the floor
by his assistant.

What do we know about him?

He was a genius pioneer
in robotics and automation.

You ever hear of the dishwasher?

He had two.

Although recently, it was
rumored that he'd been working

on some pretty out-there stuff.

[Monkey chattering]

Until someone broke his neck.

I was obsessed with robots as a kid.

I always wanted one that would help

take care of me and my brothers...

cook us dinner, make our beds,

tell us we did a good job...

but my mom never got one for us.

This place is immaculate.

No signs of forced entry,
no evidence of a scuffle.

Necks don't break themselves.
How did he...

I don't know, okay?
I get paid either way.

Monica, take five.

The hell's gotten into her?

Gambling.

It's gotten pretty bad.

Man: Come on now.

Yes!

The world lost a brilliant man today.

I'm sorry. And you are...?

Victoria.

I've been Dr. Kottbulle's
assistant for three years.

Detective Jay Geils.

I-I mean, uh, Detective Jay Geils.

This is my friend Andrew Jarbaca.

"Andrew's" fine.

Cappuccino?

Yes, please.

Tea for me.

What can you tell us about this morning?

I entered the lab at : a.m...

[Machine whirring loudly]

[Whirring continues]

[Whirring slows, stops]

And that's when you two arrived.

Did anyone else see your boss
before you came in?

I don't think so.

[Tea kettle whistling loudly]

Did he have any enemies?
People with an a* to grind?

His former partner, Dr. Frederick Wurst.

[Spoon clanging loudly]

Wurst was jealous of Dr. Kottbulle

and would send frequent angry,
incoherent e-mails.

Pardon my French, but...

il est un grand trou de cul.

Well, thank you
for talking to us, Victoria.

We'll be in touch.

Of course.

And if I can be of any help,
please don't hesitate to call.

Here's my card.

[Upbeat music plays]

♪

[Cellphone vibrates] Oh.

We got an address on Frederick Wurst.

Geils?

Don't worry about it.

[Sighs]

[Gears shift, tires screech]

Maybe we should talk about
what happened last night.

Victoria seemed really upset
about her boss's death.

You think she had a crush on him?

What's going on with us?

Are we taking a break?
Are we not taking a break?

Why don't you talk about it
with Tanner and Hoffman

when you go out for beers tonight?

[Sighs]

I'm really trying, Geils.

It's just every relationship before this

has ended in disaster.

[Tool whirring]

I'm just asking you
to bear with me, okay?

Okay. I'm trying, too, you know.

Dr. Wurst?

Dr. Wurst: Come in. Come in.

I'm so sorry I can't be there in person.

I'm currently at a conference in Vienna.

That's convenient.

How long have you been
out of the country?

Oh, I arrived last Thursday,

so way before any murders
were committed.

Please, sit down. Make yourself at home.

Doctor, I don't know if you've heard,

but your former partner,
Dr. Jurgen Kottbulle,

was found dead this morning.

Oh! Great news!

Thank you, detectives.

Suppose there's no right way to grieve.

Well, when the world is rid of a madman,

the only logical response is joy.

You see, Dr. Kottbulle was developing

artificially intelligent beings
who would surely

have hastened mankind's
extinction from the Earth.

Not a fan.

In fact, let me show you a
lecture we gave two years ago.

What if I told you in years,

% of all relationships
will be computer-to-computer?

And what if I told you
that these very same computers

will m*rder you in your sleep?

I told you not to tell them that.

They need to know. Don't push me!

What are you talking about?!
Don't push me!

Oh!

I hope you die!

Aside from our weekly dinner,
I never saw him after that.

Okay, we'll be in touch.

Do you mind if I use your restroom?

Uh...

actually, I don't...
I don't have a restroom.

No, isn't that it right here?

No. No!

Yeah. No!

Are you sure this isn't a restroom?

Yeah, I'm sure.

Something's not sitting right.
I feel like it's a trap.

Let's skip dinner at your parents' house

and go straight to your brother's play.

Okay, Wiedner.

Tell me you got something
on the egghead m*rder.

We have a suspect...

his former partner, Frederick Wurst.

He has a motive but not a shred

of physical evidence
connecting him to the crime...

no fingerprints,
no footprints, no fibers.

So we find one eyelash, one tire tread,

and this Wurst is cooked.

We grilled Wurst, but I don't
think he cuts the mustard.

- No dog in the hunt?
- He's just a sour Kraut.

[catch up] So we ketchup with him later.

As much as I'd relish
raking him over the coals,

frankly, he's a weenie.

I just don't think
he snapped a man's neck.

Maybe a woman or a child,

but not a full-grown professor.

What about the beautiful assistant?

- Did anyone...
- I'll do it.

- [Sighs]
- You cut me off.

I was gonna ask
if anyone questioned her.

I'll do it.

But I think I should... do it alone

so we don't spook her.

All right, let me know
what you find out.

Hey.

Since when did we start questioning
suspects alone, partner?

Oh, I mean, you can
come along if you want.

I just thought you'd be bored, you know?

"Where were you the night of?

"Did you m*rder him?" Blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, I guess that makes sense.

Promise you'll call me
if you rough her up?

I promise.

Hey, Stirelli, I got a really
big interrogation tonight.

Can I borrow a toothpick?

You got it, Geils.

♪

Let the record show
I'm talking to Victoria...

Nova.

Victoria Nova, assistant
to Dr. Jurgen Kottbulle.

Do you know why you're here?

Yes... you are hoping
I can shed some light

on Dr. Kottbulle's death.

You said the last time you saw him alive

was the previous night.

When I left the office on Tuesday night.

He was enjoying a "M.A.S.H." rerun

and eating a Hungry Man
Salisbury steak dinner.

Do you love Dr. Kottbulle?

What is love?

I know what you mean.

Beats the hell out of me.

But seriously, did you have
any feelings for Dr. Kottbulle?

What is feelings?

Like, did you think
about him all the time?

Could you only picture
your life with him in it?

Do you have feelings for Andrew Jarbaca?

Good feelings, bad feelings...

all kinds of feelings.

I think I had feelings
for Dr. Kottbulle...

good feelings, bad feelings,

all kinds of feelings.

Like I got a giant pit
in my stomach all the time.

Your intestinal tract
is functioning normally.

No foreign bodies detected.

You have a really good
sense of humor, Victoria.

I like talking to you.

And I like your toothpick,

one they call Geils.

Let me ask you something.

If you were gonna go out
and have beers with my friends,

you'd invite me along, right?

Of course I would.

I'm not a monster.

I'm sorry you have bad feelings.

For some reason,
I'm not having them right now.

Because of me.

That might have something to do with it.

Just tell me you didn't
have anything to do

with Dr. Kottbulle's death.

You know what? Never mind.
Don't say anything.

[Telephone ringing] I don't know nothing
more from the last time you called.

Could be a cannonball, could be a Kn*fe.

[Ringing continues] Oh, my God, how
many times you gonna call here

asking about semen?

Hoffman, line .

What's going on?

Where's Scholls?

[Sighs] She didn't come in,

and I didn't want to get her in trouble

with the lieutenant, so...

Were you able to get
to the Kottbulle m*rder?

Kottbulle? Kottbulle.

Kottbulle... Kottbulle... Kottbulle...

Oh, right here.

Now, whatever broke this dude's
neck had to be crazy-strong.

Snapped his spine right in half.

Can a human do that?

Oh, no. We talking about
some type of machine.

So a machine that's mobile enough

to walk into an office
and snap a guy's neck.

Isn't that called a robot?

We're gonna need some help.

[School bell rings]

[Indistinct conversations]

Boy, you kids sure
do love your vegetables.

Here you go, Brian.

Hello, Diane.

And we try so hard to
keep rats out of the cafeteria.

What brings you to Carl's Jr.
Junior High School?

I need your help.

I know we didn't leave things
on the best of terms.

You mean imprisoning me for
conspiracy and attempted m*rder?

But who testified
at your parole hearing?

You did... against me getting parole.

All the more satisfying that you're out.

Just stay away from me.

I have an apartment, a good job.

I'm sitting in on some classes
to open up career options,

maybe in fashion design.

Check out these shorts
I made in home ec.

The subject I'm really
interested in is science...

Specifically, artificial intelligence.

Under the terms of my parole,

I'm not allowed near
anything electronic...

computers, the Internet, cellphones.

I can't even buy a vibrator.

So whatever it is you're talking about,

can you please buy me a vibrator?

If you agree to help me,

there's a lot I can do
to improve your situation.

I'm listening.

Does the name Jurgen Kottbulle
mean anything to you?

♪

The FBI has had its eye
on Kottbulle for a long time.

We used some of his technology
to catfish world leaders.

One of his algorithms dated
Angela Merkel for six months.

I heard he was working on some
pretty out-there A.I. stuff.

How out-there is out-there?

Maybe this will answer your question.

[Click]

[Whirring]

Not that one. [Chuckles nervously]

Wait. Is that Victoria, his assistant?

It's an early version.

Early version?

[Gasps]

Victoria's a robot.

She's more than just a robot.

She's a work of unparalleled genius.

Victoria, activate.

I am Victoria.

I know animal sounds.

Cow... Mmmmmmmmm.

Monkey... Ooh-ooh-aah-aah.

Victoria.

Listening.

Who designed you?

Dr. Jurgen Kottbulle.

Did you k*ll him?

Cat... Meow. Meow.

Answer the question.

She may not understand
the question, Tribeca.

The software in this
model is pretty basic.

Your shoes are pretty basic.

What'd you say?

Crow... Raaak! Raaak!

Is it possible that
this thing k*lled Kottbulle?

Well, it's not likely.

I mean, most A.I. have code
written into their operating system

that prevents them from harming humans.

Let me see what's in here.

Of course, this is
very advanced programming.

Maybe he found the safety codes
got in the way of producing

sophisticated emotional responses.

But it's still a machine,
and for a machine to rise

to that level of anger and v*olence

presupposes a highly developed cognition

that doesn't exist in anything
I've ever seen or read about.

I think we have to start
with the assumption

that robots are not violent

till we see actual tangible evidence

to the contrary.

[g*nshots]

Actually, we can answer
all these questions

by looking in her memory chip.

[Panting]

Thanks, Diane.

Couldn't have done it without your help.

[Exhales sharply]

You can't run from your
problems anymore, Scholls.

And if I have to look into the stomach
of one more fat, old, dead guy,

I'm gonna lose my mind.

I'm in too deep, Tanner.
They're gonna k*ll me.

They may be thugs, but they
are still businessmen.

But I ain't gonna lie...
this may get ugly.

[Keyboard clacking]

Okay... Monica Scholls.

Date of birth?

March , .

Here it is. [Mouse clicks]

The balance on your loan is $ , ,

and it looks like you missed
your last two payments.

You don't scare us, Spencer!

I used to eat guys like
you for breakfast.

Okay, now let's talk options.

Are you familiar with
our GentlePay program?

No! Why don't you familiarize us?

Sure. So, basically,
it breaks down your balance

into monthly payments,
but if you miss one,

there is a -day grace period.

However, after that,
we do charge a $ fee.

Well, let me tell you
about my plan, Spencer.

You're gonna waive that fee.

Actually, we do have
a promotion right now

where we're waiving the fee
for the first months.

Now, I don't want to overload
you guys with information,

but we have partnered with Office Depot

to offer you a Visa credit card

with a starting limit of $ , .

We will both take one!

♪

Turn me on, Geils.

Oh, I plan to.

Mm.

There's something you need
to know about me.

It's okay... I already have it.

Geils, listen to me.

I'm not what you think I am.

I know you're a robot.

And that doesn't bother you?

Look, I've been with plenty of humans,

and they can be as cold
and unfeeling as a machine.

Now, I've never made love to a toaster

or a DVD player,

but being with you
these past couple of days,

I feel like you're the most
human toaster I'll ever know.

Does that make sense?

I want you, Geils.

Um, do you have something?

Of course.

USB?

HDMI?

Bluetooth?

Pairing device.

Connected to Geils, Jay.

Uploading. Uploading.

A file of the same name is detected.

Replace.

No. Rename. Rename.

Creating untitled folder.

Buffering, buffering, buffering.

[Chime]

Upload is complete.

You may safely eject your device.

[Both panting]

Cow goes...

Cow goes...

Cow goes...

She's really messed up.

Victoria!

Number is alive!

Victoria, we need you to listen.

[Deep, distorted] ♪ Daisy, Daisy ♪

♪ Give me your answer do ♪

This is hopeless. No one's
gonna get these references.

Hang on. I can see where
Kottbulle put the last update.

Let me try to access it.

[Normal voice] Hello, Doctor.
My name is Victoria.

Victoria.

I love you.

Do you love me?

Uh, Diane, do you want the room?

He was trying to program them
to experience human love.

Victoria, do you love me?

I... I...

I... I...

[Sighs]

It can't handle the emotion
without frying the system.

At least in this version.

Did she k*ll Kottbulle? Yes or no?

No. She hasn't been active
in the past six months.

But the new Victoria has.

Geils.

Geils: Uh, we should probably get going.

I've been off the radar for a while.

You want to leave?
You have bad feelings?

Honestly, Victoria, I am
starting to have bad feelings.

Andrew Jarbaca and I
never officially broke up.

You are a robot, so it's a bit
of a gray area, but...

We are not love?

I mean, we definitely
shared a connection,

that's for sure,
but as far as love goes,

I think maybe I need a little more time.

I don't have time, one they call Geils.

They will want to imprison me
for k*lling Dr. Kottbulle.

I should get my notebook.

Please love me, Geils.
Let's talk about thi...

[Choking]

[Strained] Okay, I love you.
I love you so much.

Insincerity detected.

[Choking continues]

[g*nsh*t]

[Gasping]

This is not what it looks like.

It's okay, Geils. I get it.

You get this?

I haven't been very nice to you lately,

so this isn't a big surprise to me.

So, what do we do now?

Maybe we... take a little break?

Yeah, maybe.

I bet things cooled off mighty quick

once you found out
she was a robot, right?

[Both chuckle]

Yeah. Well...

Wait, what?

Ew!

How do you even do that?

- Well, I first used...
- I don't want to hear about it!

Let's go!

Okay. Let me get my pants.

Victoria.

Listening.

I'm sorry.

This wasn't your fault.

I think we all have some things

we might need to learn about love.

You give me good feelings, Geils.

Stop talking to it! Oh, my God!

All right! God.