04x02 - Doppel Date

[bunniefuu]

( Sighs )

The Duncans are back.

Mom, are you gonna keep doing that? You did that on the street, in the driveway Last night in front of the mirror.

That's because the Duncans are back.

Hey, look, Toby.

Our old house just like new.

Toby's not gonna stay in the hotel? - No.

- Can we talk about it? Hey, guys.

What's wrong with Mrs.

Dabney? She's on her porch sobbing.

I don't know she started doing that the second we drove up.

Mystery solved.

- Where's the couch?

- Oh, Sweetie, don't you remember? It was broken by the bed that fell through the ceiling, that was eaten by termites, that daddy brought into the house.

Um, the house that daddy's job pays for.

So long as we're dotting the "I"s.

Anyway I already found us a new one.

All you have to do is go down to the store tomorrow and pay for it.

With the money from your job.

A job that brought termites into our home and destroyed it.

( Chuckles )

As long as you're dotting the "I"s, I'm gonna cross the "T"s.

( Rock music playing )

Today's all burnt toast running late and dad jokes.

"Has anybody seen my left shoe?" I close my eyes, take a bite grab a ride, laugh out loud.

There it is up on the roof.

I've been there, I survived.

So just take my advice.

Hang in there, baby things are crazy.

But I know your future's bright.

Hang in there, baby, there's no maybe.

Everything turns out all right.

Sure life is up and down.

But trust me, it comes back around.

You're gonna love who you turn out to be.

Hang in there, baby.

- So how's Boston? - Oh, it's really great.

You know, I finally made it to a baseball game.

Oh, at funway park? It's Fenway.

You know, the truth is I really don't know much about sports.

I know.

I was your boyfriend.

We spent all of our time together.

Oh, I thought you looked familiar.

( Both chuckle )

Okay.

I guess Toby's done with his breakfast.

Time for a mom hand off.

I'll be right back.

Come here.

( Toby cooing )

( Sighs )

Hey, Mr.

Duncan.

Spencer.

Hey.

Did you happen to see me?

Scratching your butt? Yes, Sir.

I did.

( Chuckles )

Always seem to catch me at an embarrassing moment.

Or maybe you just scratch your butt a lot.

- Hey, dad.

- Oh hey! Honey, you know what would be a great place to video chat?

Not the kitchen.

Okay.

Now, where were we? So listen, there's something I've been meaning to tell you.

Yeah, of course.

You can tell me anything.

We're friends.

I have a date tonight.

Oh.

Well, that's great.

I mean, we knew this would happen at some point.

- And you're okay?

- Yeah.

Of course.

- Tell me about her.

- She's smart.

And beautiful.

Okay, that's enough.

I'm good.

Wow.

First day of cooking school.

How exciting is this?

- I'm PJ.

- I'm Winnie.

But back in school, people always called me Losey.

People can be so mean.

That is kind of clever though.

My brother took this class.

He said the teacher always chooses one guy to pick on, and I just know that guy's gonna be me.

Back in school, people always called me Losey.

We covered that.

Good morning, students.

And welcome to the Wainwright Academy of Culinary and Kitchen Operations.

Better known as "WACKO".

( Chuckles )

My name is Chef Byron Wainwright.

But from now on, you should only call me Chef.

As in "yes, Chef".

"No, Chef".

And "you're quite brilliant, Chef".

Now, everyone, take out your knives.

Hello.

Hi.

What is your name? I'm PJ.

Does that stand for pathetic jerk? No.

It stands for Potty John.

Potty John? That is actually your name?

- Yes, Chef.

- And you shared that out loud?

- Yes, Chef.

- Was that a good idea? No, Chef.

I think you're the guy.

Thanks.

Yeah.

This is the one your mom wants, right, Gabe?

- Gabe?

- Hey, dad.

Come over here.

Check this out.

Oh! Triple recliner.

It's called "The Relaxinator 3000".

It's got built-in surround sound.

What? - And a mini fridge!

- Are you kidding me? No more getting up and going all the way into the kitchen?

- When did we arrive at the future?

- Oh.

( Sighs )

This couch is so great.

- Hey, let's get this one instead.

- No.

We are getting the couch your mom wants.

Push that button.

( Buzzing )

- It's massaging me.

- Yeah.

Oh, we gotta make this work.

I don't know.

I guess Maybe I just wasn't ready for Spencer to start dating.

This is why I never stay friends with any of my ex-boyfriends.

I'm more of a love-'em-and-leave-'em type.

( Chuckles )

Yeah.

Well, that's easy for you to say.

You dated Emmett.

I'm not talking about Emmett.

I'm talking about Raymond.

Didn't Raymond break up with you? When did we start talking about me? Maybe you should start dating too.

There's got to be somebody you have your eye on.

Well, actually There is one special fella on the old Teddy Duncan boy-dar.

Ease into it, girl.

( Chuckles )

His name is Zack.

He works at the Mall.

- Is he cute? - Is he cute? Oh, he is way cute.

He puts the "U" in cute.

I'm talking cute-alicious.

Yeah, ease way into it, girl.

Let's see how your tomato sauce is coming.

Hope you enjoy it, Chef.

Rancid.

Putrid.

Inedible.

Whoa.

Good thing I only know one of those words.

Class dismissed.

You're coming back tomorrow, right? Chef, can I talk to you? Yes, Potty? I just want to tell you a little bit about myself, PJ Which is what most people really enjoy calling me.

Oh, good.

The PJ story.

I've been dying to find out more.

Well, I've always been really good at cooking, and my parents are paying a lot of money for me to be here.

What I'm saying is, I don't want to be the guy.

The guy? I've heard you always choose one guy to pick on.

I don't want to be him.

I didn't realize that I pick a guy.

But now that I think about it, I guess I do.

My goodness.

I've been doing it all these years.

You've really held a mirror up to me.

I need to make a change.

Next year.

Till then, you're the guy.

- You know, Sir, Winnie is not

- Get out! All right.

Hon'! The couch is here.

Woo! This is so exciting.

Let me see.

What is that? That's what I'd like to know.

Guys, you spend all afternoon going downtown to buy a tasteful couch, and then we end up with this monstrosity? It's a disappointment.

That's what it is.

It'll be a few days until we can get the right couch delivered.

Oh! Well, you may as well leave this one so we got somewhere to sit.

Beats the floor.

- Barely.

- Oh.

Oh, I can't even look at it.

- Nicely done.

- Thanks.

Well, plug it in! Let's start relaxinating! Okay.

Oh, there we go.

Oh, my first date post-Spencer.

This is so exciting.

I know.

So how did you get Zack to go out with you?

- I gave him the look.

- What's the look? It's Nice.

I'll have to try that.

What, you don't have a look? I have a laugh.

( Chuckles )

Stop.

Oh, that's good.

I'm saying.

( Doorbell rings )

That's him.

You know, I have to say it feels good to be moving on.

Yep.

Bye-bye, Spencer.

Both: Hi.

And welcome back, Spencer.

Zack, this is Ivy.

Ivy, Zack.

- Nice to meet you.

- You too.

In fact, I feel like I already know you.

That is so sweet, Ivy.

Is it? Well, I got to go.

But first, can I have a special good-bye with you in the kitchen?

- Well, why can't we just

- In the kitchen, T? It's not special unless it's in the kitchen.

Okay.

What is going on? Zack looks exactly like Spencer.

What? No he doesn't.

Are you kidding me? They could be twins.

Well, I don't see it.

You know what this means, don't you? Mm-hmm.

You're not over Spencer.

That is ridiculous.

I am so over Spencer.

Fine.

Pretend it isn't weird.

Even though it is.

This is the worst special good-bye that we've ever had.

- Say good-bye to Ivy.

- Good-bye, Ivy.

Bye, Zack.

( Gasps )

Have fun, you two.

So, what do you want to do? Grab some pizza, catch a movie? You know what might be fun? Makeovers.

( Mock enthusiasm )

Makeovers.

Why? Well I just think that it would be super neat, if we look completely different than we do right now.

Let's start with you.

Hey.

There's my favorite cooking student.

How's school going?

( Crying )

It's pretty good.

Really? Yeah.

It's not bad.

- Because you know you're crying?

- Mm-hmm.

Yeah, onions.

- That cooking school's terrible.

- Whoa whoa, what? It's a complete disaster, dad.

I'm gonna drop out.

PJ, come on.

You can't quit cooking school.

You're following your dream.

Well, my dream has turned into a nightmare.

If you quit, is the money we paid refundable? No.

Well,

( Sniffles )

Then that really is bad news.

( Crying )

What are we gonna do? Um, I think we need to step away from the onions.

Okay.

( Groans )

Wow.

Look.

Sometimes things aren't gonna be easy, but that doesn't mean you can just give up.

- Why not?

- Because you're good at cooking.

You're really good.

I can't tell you what to do.

But ( Chuckles )

I think so long as you believe in yourself, you're gonna do great.

- I'll give it one more day.

- Oh, yes! There we go.

Are you happy because this is what I should be doing, or because you won't lose your tuition money? Coming! Wow.

You look great.

I do? Oh.

Oh yeah.

Completely different.

And I must say, you're rocking my cowboy boots.

It's amazing they fit.

Yeah, they really don't.

Look I like you and everything, but This is all kind of weird.

What's going on? What do you mean? I may be a blonde now, but I still know something isn't right here.

All right, Zack.

Here's the thing.

So, you happen to look a lot like my ex-boyfriend, which would bring up the whole disturbing question, is that the only reason I'm attracted to you? Which is why I wanted to change your look to prove that that wasn't the case.

And Now that I've done that and you look completely different

- Well

- You're not interested anymore? Not so much.

Maybe you shouldn't be dating yet.

( Chuckles )

Maybe I shouldn't.

This will wash out, right? Yeah.

I really shouldn't be dating yet.

( Door opens )

Hey, look at you.

Glad to see you taking on some responsibility.

Oh, please.

The only reason I'm doing this is because mom hasn't left the couch in five hours.

Your mom likes the couch now? Likes it? Go see for yourself.

( Laughing )

Honey? What you doing? Oh, loving the new couch, Bob.

Oh, I was so wrong about the other one.

( Chuckles )

- It's heaven, isn't it, Charlie?

- Loving it.

Well, I'm glad you like it.

But there's stuff around here that needs to be done.

Oh, then do it.

Honey, what about dinner? Oh.

Dinner sounds great.

What do you think, Charlie? I can eat.

Hey hey hey.

We gotta do something.

We created a monster.

I know.

It's not fair.

They're just sitting there doing nothing.

Dad, that was gonna be our thing.

We should have just bought the couch your mom told us to buy.

This is what I get for thinking for myself.

You didn't think for yourself.

Dad, I told you what to do.

Hey, I am still your father.

And I am the one who should be coming up with the plans here.

And I'm open to any input you two might have.

I will now sample your Gazpachos.

Bland.

Boring.

Winnie, if you ever open a Restaurant, you should call it "Losey's".

And there it is.

Ah.

Gazpacho a la Potty.

Taste buds, prepare to die.

That's odd.

Confirming my initial impression.

This is not completely horrible.

Yes! Not completely horrible! I believed in myself and it paid off!

Woo-hoo! Dial it down, Potty.

It's just some vegetables in a blender.

This is the best day of my life.

- Are you crying?

- Are there onions around?

- No.

- Then I guess I am.

So, I have a funny story to tell you.

It's about this guy I dated.

- Oh, you're dating.

- Well, I mean it was just one date.

- So what happened?

- Here's the funny part.

I realized that the only reason I wanted to date him, was because

( Knocking on door )

Oh, hang on.

Hey.

Oh, come in.

This is great.

As long as you're here, there's someone I want you to meet.

This is Gigi.

The girl I'm dating.

How you doing? Nice to meet you.

So Teddy, what did you want to tell me? Um You know what, you guys go have fun.

It can wait.

( Sighs )

And so can I.

- It's so fun to go - Hey.

Hey, guys.

What happened? Where's my couch? This is your couch.

Yeah, the one you wanted in the first place.

But I like the other couch now.

This one's good too.

Come on, come on.

Sit down.

Try it out.

Try it out.

There we go.

There we go.

Yeah.

No no no.

No no no no no.

There's no buttons.

This is for the TV.

Where's the cooler? There is no cooler either.

If you want something to drink, you have to go into the kitchen.

You remember the kitchen, right? That's where the dinner comes from.

All right, dad.

Let's give her a minute.

And that is how mommy got the couch she wanted all along.

You're good, mommy.

I know.

And scary.

Thank you.

Hey, Charlie.

So pretty exciting first week back in the Duncan house.

We got a new couch, PJ almost quit another school.

And I went on a date with a guy who looked a lot like Spencer.

He used to.

Now he's blonde, and angry.

And he walks with a limp.

What dad! I'm doing the video diary.

Oh! I gotta get this looked at.

If he's still doing that when you're my age, I should probably wish you both good luck, Charlie.

Don't touch the food now!

( Groans )

If you like a guy and the laugh doesn't work, then what do you do? I go with the bigger laugh, girl.

( Laughing )

( Laughing maniacally )

Woo! Yeah, that's good.

So what if your look doesn't work? What do you do? Then I do the walk.

I like it.

I like it.

I also have a special call.

Check it out

(Bird call)

Well if their not into that, they might be into this

(Dolphin call)