05x06 - Episode 6

[bunniefuu]

BARBARA: You're not in trouble.

- DANIEL AND EMMA: Oh!
- (TRILLS LIPS)

I want you to handle a listing for me.

- Is this a trap?
- What?

If it is a trap,
she wouldn't say yes to that.

- Clever.
- It's not a bloody trap.

Sorry, it's just,
you've never asked us to handle

one of your listings before.

Well, this one's different.
It's for a friend of mine.

And it's something neither
of you have handled before.

It'll be very good
experience for both of you.

- What friend?
- Emir. You haven't met him.

DANIEL: How come?

I don't introduce you to all my friends.

- Yes?
- Is he a former lover?

- No.
- Current?

- He has a very large...
- EMMA: Whoo!

... block of land about
minutes out of town.

We've sold blocks of land before.

Not like this one.

I want you to drive out there and meet him

and he'll tell you
his rules for selling it.

And don't do anything related to the
sale without checking with me first.

Is that clear?

I thought you were handing us the listing.

Think of it more like mandatory coaching.

Mrs Marsh has the details.

Fine.

When you say friends -

with benefits?

- Get out!
- Yep. Crossed the line.

SONG: ♪ Yeah, we know ♪

♪ Even if we had so far to go ♪

♪ Even if the pace is slow ♪

♪ Well,
I'll be coming home to you again ♪

♪ If we find ♪

♪ Something to feel that we belong ♪

♪ If we can right all the wrongs ♪

♪ Well, I'll be coming home to you again.
♪

You don't feel like Mum doesn't trust us?

No, I think it's a good thing.

It's like I'm learning
directly from the master.

I think she knows this
listing is a pain in the arse

and she doesn't want to deal with it,

but she doesn't trust us
enough not to stuff it up.

Maybe she's just being extra
careful because Emir's a friend.

Nup. Mum's never trusted me.

Even as a kid,
when we were at the supermarket,

she never let me push
the trolley by myself.

She would always rest her hand on the side.

But if we ran into something,
it was my fault.

She... she was limiting
my ability to steer.

I never cared about pushing it.
I just wanted to ride in it.

Still do.

OK. Uh,
it should just be up here on the right.

Once, the fridge stopped working,
and I told her about it,

and she said, "What did you do to it?"

The fridge.

What DID you do to it?

(ROOSTER CROWS)

Aren't you excited?

It's like Barbara's let us into
some super-secret club or something.

Wonder if he'll ask for a password.

The password is...

... Emma...

... stucks.

Did you get caught between
'stinks' and 'sucks'?

- Yes.
- Oh.

Oh, my God, look.

(GASPS) Look, there's so many dogs!

DANIEL:
I should have brought hand sanitiser.

- You Daniel and Emma?
- EMMA: Yes!

I'm Emir. Thanks for
coming out. No worries.

Either of you allergic to dogs?

No! They give me strength.

(GASPS) Oh! Hello!

Oh! (LAUGHS) Uh, thank you.

What's Barbara told you about the place?

Um... nothing really,
just that you want to sell it.

Right. Well,
I look after stray and rescue animals here.

Probably got about , give or take.

You what?!

Sorry, just a...
sorry, I'm just a bit excited.

It's like a panic att*ck, but with joy...
att*ck.

Um,
do you mind showing us around the property?

- Not much to see.
- (GASPS)

Pigpens there.

Horses out there.

Sheep through there.

Rescue birds.

Rescue cats.

Steers.

Out in the paddock, I've got,
uh, alpacas and camels.

- Rescue camels?!
- EMIR: Yep.

And that's where the guinea pigs,
ducklings and bunnies are.

She OK?

I think she's just processing it.

You have a specific area for guinea pigs,
ducklings and bunnies?

Yeah.
I can only let one of you in at a time.

I'll go.

EMMA:
Do you reckon I could fit my bed in here?

- DANIEL: No.
- EMMA: They're rescues, right?

- They need homes. Daniel, get the car.
- No. So, what exactly is for sale?

Are you looking to subdivide the land or...

No, I want to sell the whole lot,
the land and everything on it,

move somewhere smaller,
cheaper to maintain.

Got vet bills piling up. I need the cash.

I'll start bringing around potential
buyers as soon as possible.

Good.
Just make sure they don't know the address.

Sorry?

If people know where I am,
they could start dropping off animals

before I've had a chance to move.

I want to help, but I can't afford
to take on any more right now.

Well, I'll need to put the address
of your land on the website.

Just post photos,
the price and the general area.

No photos of animals, though.

I don't want people to find it's a
sanctuary and come looking for me.

What about selfies with animals for...
my own private collection?

No photos of the animals.

- Or videos.
- I know what phones can do.

Well, I mean, people will see the animals

when we start bringing them through here.

- I'll take care of that.
- How?

I'll dress them up in suits and
ties so they look like people.

Really?

No. I'll move them.

Oh, yeah, that's probably easier.

You bothering those guinea pigs,
ducklings and bunnies?

Sorry, this is Sam.

We've met.

- What are you doing here?
- I'm a volunteer.

The only volunteer.

- How'd you get that?
- Not telling. Why are YOU here?

Work.
And, now that I know what's here, pleasure.

And then I saw you, and now it's...
confusing.

Uh, we should head back and get started.

Good to see you, Emma.

Are you ready to go?

Yep.

DANIEL: Leave the bunny.

(GROANS)

DANIEL: Mum, Emir's rules are making
it impossible to sell his place.

I've already had three
people hang up on me.

- Well, if you can't handle it...
- I'm not saying that.

It's just...
how am I supposed to sell his land

if I can't even tell people where it is?

I mean,
does he want me to drive people out there

blindfolded or something?

You could put me in the boot if it
meant getting back to those puppies.

Even though Sam's out there.

Your job is to make your client happy.

Now, don't focus on
selling Emir's property.

Focus on selling his rules to people

and the sale will take care of itself.

Yeah,
but we're not even allowed to tell people

why he's got those rules.

What if we do actually blindfold people?

- Em...
- No, wait.

We... we sell it as a McCallum
Real Estate mystery tour, you know?

Tell people we've got an eccentric,
secretive owner

who's selling a beautiful block
of land half an hour out of town.

It's true, isn't it?

DANIEL:
You really think people would go for that?

EMMA: I would.

I mean, we can hype up the
adventure factor on the radio,

make it feel like an event.

- Rather than a kidnapping?
- Exactly.

(SIGHS)

I guess people take mystery flights.

What do you think, Barbara?

Could work.

OK. I'll book us a spot on the radio.

Oh, not me. Uh, I've gotta go, um, check.
It's, uh, an appointment.

- You're gonna go back there?
- Yes!

Because it will build trust with Emir
if I tell him our idea in person.

It'll help the sale.

Come on -
you know if it was a computer factory,

I'd let you go hang out there.

You think my version of an animal
sanctuary is a computer factory?

Spreadsheet convention?

- What?
- Calculator museum?

Well, I mean, it would
be fascinating to see

how they've evolved over the years - fine,
you can go.

Yes! Sorry. Bye!

You know, you could have just called.

Yeah, but, you know, I'm here now, so, uh,

is there anything I can do
to help around the place?

It's all part of the service.

I doubt it is,
but I guess there's always something...

Nah, we got it.
Got everything covered, on our own.

By ourselves.

Extra pair of hands never hurt.
And look what I got.

She doesn't have any
experience with animals.

Incorrect.

Might as well show her the ropes,
since she's so keen.

Yes! Thank you.

I'll leave you in Sam's capable hands.

Oh, you know,
I'd much rather learn from the boss.

Have fun.

Oh, we'll have fun.

- Good. I love fun.
- So do I.

- Good.
- Good.

Good.

(PIGS SNORT AND SQUEAL)

So, think of the pigs like dogs.
They're smart.

Piglets can learn their
name and respond when called

after just two to three weeks,

so it's important to start
work with them early.

Hold on.
Are we gonna play with some piglets?

I am.

And while I'm doing that,

I'll get you to clean the poo
out of that pen over there.

Thanks again for helping us today.

It's great to meet someone with
such passion for the industry.

(ROOSTER CROWS)

(STRINGS TWANG DISCORDANTLY)

OK.

That was another request from Timmy,
in Seddon Hills,

Sleepin' in the Backyard.

You know, most radio stations

wouldn't play the same song back to back,

but we're not your average radio station.

That's right.

You're listening to Bruce
and Maddrick in the Arvo,

and now, let's introduce a special guest,

McCallum Real Estate's least popular
staff member, Danny McCallum.

Thank you. It's... it's good to be here.

What have you got for us today, Danny?
Haunted house?

- No.
- Boring.

I am here to announce
that McCallum Real Estate

will be hosting a mystery
road trip tomorrow at midday.

Ooh, mystery. OK. Keep going.

The destination is a beautiful -acre
block of land that's up for sale.

It's equipped with sheds, storage, fencing,

a perfect place to start a farm or a winery

or to build the property of your dreams.

And it's only a -ish-minute
drive from town.

I'll preface this by saying
I'm not a real estate agent,

but wouldn't people
want to know the address

of the property they're buying?

Yes, I understand that,
and the location will be revealed

to anyone who puts in a... a genuine offer.

That seems weird.

It's... mysterious.

You know, the... the...
the owner would just prefer

to keep the location private.

OK. I'll start saying reasons.
You tell me if I'm hot or cold.

- No.
- They're... hiding from an ex.

- Or hiding from the law?
- Oh. Could be both.

They could be... their ex could be a cop.

They're just very private, OK?

- (SCOFFS) Right.
- Look, I... I... I know it's odd.

But i-if you've ever wanted to own a large,
picturesque block of land

in the countryside and...
and go on a bit of an adventure,

this is your chance.

MADDRICK: OK.

Well, if you've got nothing
to do at midday, then...

... head on down to McCallum
Real Estate for a mystery tour

of a piece of land somewhere that's
probably owned by a criminal.

- They're not a criminal.
- We're gonna go for a break.

But don't go anywhere,
because when we come back, we're gonna spin

Sleepin' in the Backyard one more time.

You can't hide the piglets from me forever.

I can.

- Some of them are teacup piglets.
- (GASPS)

Emir asked me to show you the ropes,
so that's what I'm doing.

It's not all playing with piglets,

even though that's exactly what
I was doing a few minutes ago.

I think you're just worried
they'll like me more.

Not after what I've told them about you.

- What did you say to the piglets?
- Here we are.

(GASPS)

Oh, look at them all!

SAM: Now, when you're feeding them,

it's important not to move
too suddenly to startle them.

And once you're inside the aviary,

if a little red one lands on your shoulder,
that's Tony.

Just let him sit there.

And if he pecks your ear,
just calmly turn your head away.

- Got it. How do I get in?
- You don't. I'm gonna feed them.

You're gonna clean the poo out
of that empty cage over there.

I was very impressed
with your skills earlier.

Listen.
You may think this is incredibly funny.

I really do.

But no matter how many poo-filled
enclosures you throw at me,

I'm gonna clean 'em.

I'll wipe up every poo in this place.

Because, one, I love...

- Poo?
- No! Animals.

And, two, I think the work Emir
is doing here is really important,

and I'm gonna support him.

So, where's my shovel?

I think I got it all off.

Smell my fingers?

- No! Didn't you wear gloves?
- Yeah, but still.

- How many do you need?
- Uh, three people signed up.

But I've made a few more just in case.

OK, great. And I'll go out
early to help hide the animals.

I know you're just saying
that so you can go back there,

but that's actually a good idea.

I mean,
how is Emir not just constantly fainting,

being around all that cuteness?

I just hate that Sam's there,
ruining my perfect place.

I don't know why he bothers you so much.

- I mean, you do have a lot in common.
- How dare you?

- You both like animals.
- Who doesn't?

And maybe you like... him?

(SCOFFS) I do not like him. He is a jerk.

I mean, sure,
he seems to care about the animals,

and I guess he's not hideous-looking.

- Ooh! Lovers!
- You take that back.

We are not "Ooh! Lovers!" He's my nemesis.

More like... neme-kiss.

- Shut up!
- Sorry.

I mean, I'd know if I liked him, right?

And I don't.

And I don't want to.
I don't want to like someone I don't like.

That had way too many
double negatives in it.

The most important thing is...
these hands held lambs today.

That's all that matters.

- SAM: Smile for me, Candice!
- (CAMERA CLICKS)

I thought we weren't
allowed to take photos.

I am.

Yeah, it's one of the many
things Emir trusts me with

since I started here.

Look at this.

Look.

No, no, no, just... just look.

EMMA: (GASPS) Oh, my God! They're so cute!

SAM: I know, right? (LAUGHS)

You're sitting on a goldmine
of cute videos, aren't you?

- Just for me. I promised Emir.
- (SHARP WHISTLE)

Daniel's gonna be here soon.

Time to wrangle the dogs into
the shed till they're gone.

- On it!
- Yep, can do.

There's one of a lamb
that thinks it's a bunny.

(GASPS) Oh!

Come on, Charlie! Come on, boy!

I haven't seen those guys since school.

DANIEL:
They've all agreed to the conditions.

Well, make sure they don't
peek or Emir will be very...

Yep. Yep, yep. I will.

And sell 'em the mystery on the way there.

You don't want them getting bored.
You'll find it harder to make a sale.

Yeah. I know, Mum. I've got this.

You don't have to hold the trolley anymore.

- What?
- Doesn't matter.

Uh... alright, everyone.

Um, thanks for your interest
in the mystery road trip.

I know it's a little unorthodox, but...

At least tell us why this
guy is being so secretive.

- Are they a celebrity?
- Is it one of the Hemsworths?

No, but you're about to
see the Hemsworth of land.

Um,
can you all please put on your blindfolds?

OK. Uh, OK.

Let the mystery begin!

Oh, uh, sorry. Just straight ahead.

You know what, let's put 'em on in the car.

(DOG PANTS)

OK. That's all of them.

You know, I've had dreams like this.

I wish he didn't have to sell.

Me too.

Has he ever tried fundraising?

He doesn't like to ask for help,
and he doesn't think people will care.

A lot of the animals
are here because people

didn't care for them properly.

Or people will love the place as
much as I do and want to help.

I've tried. He's not interested.

Thanks for your help today.

That's OK.

We're missing one.

What?

It's Charlie!

- Oh!
- (GASPS)

- Oh!
- Charlie!

EMMA: Oh, my goodness!
Gosh! He looks scared.

He's used to having heaps
of friends around him.

He probably thinks he's abandoned.
Charlie! Come here! Charlie!

- He's deaf.
- Is he? (GASPS)

Oh, I wish I could give him my ears!
You stop anyone else getting out?

Wait. Oh! Get back.

Shh, shh. Stay! Shh, shh. Shh.

(GASPS)

No! Shh, shh! Yep.

Quick, quick! Quick! (GASPS)

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Ready to go?

- Are you sure none of them peeked?
- Yeah.

They had blindfolds on the whole way,

and I even took a really
twisty route to get here.

It... it'll be fine.

(GASPS) Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

- (GASPS)
- No pup left behind.

(GASPS AND SIGHS)

(LAUGHS)

Sorry we forgot you.

I thought you said he was...

- No, he can lip-read.
- (LAUGHS)

Oh.

- Whoa!
- Sorry.

I don't... I don't know why I did that.

There's a lot of dogs and I'm gonna... go.

- No, don't open the...
- (DOGS BARK)

- Oh! Uh! Uh!
- No! Emma!

So, what you're looking at behind
me is an extremely well cared for

-acre block of land...

- (DOGS BARK)
- Oh!

- It's an amazing find, isn't it?
- Uh... what's going on?

Why are all those dogs running around?

Good question.
Is this an illegal breeding ring?

We should call the police.

JAMES: They did say on the radio
he's a criminal running from his ex.

We should call the RSPCA as well.

- Emir, I...
- Who let the dogs out?

(LAUGHS)

- Sorry. Uh, well...
- It was an accident.

You should have told them to turn
their phones off. Or taken them.

Uh... uh... I did ask them to
delete the photos, and videos.

And they looked at the
bloody maps on their phones.

- They're gonna know where I am now.
- I'm really sorry.

They're gonna tell everyone about me.

None of them want to buy it.

They just wanted to go on
this stupid tour you set up.

- We're back to square one.
- No. We're worse than square one.

Let me find you some more buyers, and I...

... I... I...
I promise to take their phones this time.

No.

Tell Barbara to give me a call.

I don't want to deal with you two anymore.

And, Emma,
we've got all the help we need around here.

- But she...
- Oh!

Can I at least say goodbye to the piglets?

No.

You got in my head with your neme-kiss.

There were all these dogs and he
was so caring, and he made me laugh!

And I tried to kiss him.
It was the worst. I had to get out.

I don't mind YOU getting out.
It's all the dogs I'm upset about.

Is it really that bad?

I mean, how mad's Barbara gonna be?

Now that the word is
out about the property,

she'll have an easier time selling it.

Yeah. I'm not gonna tell her.

What? Why not?

Well, because this is the only
listing she's ever given me,

and I'm pretty sure if I can
find another buyer for Emir,

he'll take me back as his agent.

He seemed pretty mad. You really
should have taken people's phones.

Who let the dogs out?

Me.

Are we looking at this the wrong way?

I mean, Emir told us he'd rather stay.

I think we just focus on getting
him the most amount of money

we can from a sale, and, hopefully,
he doesn't have to move again.

Hey. Um...

Yeah.

Do we need to put the blindfolds back on?

I'll see you in a sec.

Uh, before you...
I'm gonna go to the pub tonight.

What?

If, you know... might see you there.

You might.

At, like, seven.

Good.

Good.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(CLEARS THROAT)

- So...
- So...

I'm really sorry, about what happened,

you know, with the dogs and...

... the other thing.

I was a bit...

... well, very...

... surprised.

Uh, understandable. (LAUGHS)

Maybe if I'd had some warning.

Oh, I... yeah. I mean, I was surprised too.
I wish I'd had warning.

From myself.

But I must admit, the...

... time at the farm with you has been...

- Confusing?
- Confusing.

- (BOTH LAUGH)
- Yeah.

Well, I guess tell me about yourself.

I don't really know anything about you.

- Oh, I actually grew up in Brisbane.
- Oh.

Yeah, I'm the tallest in my family,
by about cm.

Sorry.

(LAUGHS) Are you bouncing your leg?

- Am I?
- Yeah. It's just a bit...

Oh. No, sorry. Didn't notice I was.

Stopped. You were saying?

Yeah.

So, I never liked the heat in Brisbane,
you know?

- Made my hair go all...
- Sorry.

It's all I can think about.
I have to do it now, just for a bit.

Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh! OK.

Got it out of my system. Um...

Hey, are you hungry? The fish and
chips here are actually really good.

- You eat fish?
- Yeah, and chips.

I thought you cared about animals.

Uh, I do. I just...
you know, I don't eat any other meat.

Just... I guess, if I'm honest,
I don't care as much about fish.

Well, no-one's perfect.

Um, yeah, so tell me about you.
Where did you grow up?

Uh, I'm from the mainland too. Melbourne.

You know that fish can feel pain too?

OK. Uh, sorry.

But if I'm not mistaken,
you're wearing leather shoes, so...

Yeah, they were a gift.
At least I'm not a fish m*rder*r.

Is this sexual tension or normal tension?

Uh... I think it's normal tension.

OK.

Is it possible we only like each
other when there are animals around?

Seems like it.

I don't think that's enough
to build a relationship on.

Agreed.

Hey, I am sorry if I got
you in trouble with Emir.

Oh, no. Not at all.
It... it doesn't matter anyway.

He's gonna be gone soon.

Well, I had a thought about that.

I think I might have an idea so
he doesn't have to move, but...

... Daniel's gonna be mad at me.

(RECIPIENT'S PHONE RINGS)

RECORDING: This is
Barbara. Leave a message.

(BEEP)

Hi, Mum. Daniel here.

Listen. If Emir calls, just ignore it.

I am on my way there now
to take care of everything.

Hope you're... good.

What are YOU doing here?

I, um... I did try calling.

Yeah. And I didn't pick up.

I know you don't want
anything else to do with me,

but I sent off a few emails last night

and I've already got two
potential buyers this morning.

I'm not selling anymore.

- Sorry?
- I don't need to.

Um... why?

Didn't Emma tell you?

She's still in bed. Isn't she?

No. She's here with Sam.

What?!

Hey, buddy!

I thought you were sleeping in.
What's... what's happening?

Uh, Sam picked me up early.

We did a thing last night.

Are you two together now?

- No!
- Not that kind of thing!

God! Ugh!

We uploaded a video that Sam took

of a piglet and some
kittens snuggling together

and it kinda went viral.

Ohh!

- , views?!
- And climbing.

Even got some fans in Liechtenstein.

It's made $ , already.

And we've got plenty more
clips where that came from.

There's one of a duckling riding a goat.

People are going to lose it.

So... so you don't want to sell anymore?

No. Thanks to these two,
I've got a sh*t at some regular income.

Well... well, what about people
finding out about your sanctuary?

I'll use the money to get better security.

Maybe taller fences. Bouncers?

Probably too much.

EMMA: Or maybe take on some more animals.

EMIR: Yeah, that too.

Might need an extra pair of hands, then.

Are you still interested in helping
out a few days here and there?

Days, weeks, years - whatever you reckon.

OK.

Well, I guess...

... everything worked out.

I'll... I'll leave you three to it.

I better go.

I'll let you know when
the poo's piled up again.

Can't wait.

I'm so sorry I didn't tell you.

It's just the clip was going off,
so we stayed up late

setting up a donations page

and then came here early to show Emir.

I didn't want to wake you.
It's fine, mate. I... I can't be mad.

You saved an animal rescue.

Yeah, but I know you really
wanted to prove to your mum

that you could push the trolley.

I'm . If I haven't earned her
trust by now, I probably never will.

I think I just have to be OK with that.

Maybe we just ask for more coaching.

Yeah, but I don't want more coaching.
I want her to trust me.

Is it possible she DOES trust us now

and that's why she's finally
decided to share her wisdom with us?

Yeah, that's not really how my mum works.

Oh.

- Oh, no.
- What?

What if she's sick?

What?!

What if she's coaching us
because something's wrong,

because she doesn't have much time left?

- Oh. She's still not answering.
- I'm sure she's fine.

I saw her cr*ck a walnut
in her hand the other day.

Well, her hands might be fine,
but what about the rest of her?

She's here.

(DOOR OPENS)

- Morning.
- Mum, I've been trying to call you.

- Did you get my message?
- (DOOR CLOSES)

I did. And I spoke to Emir.

- He told me he's not selling anymore.
- Yeah.

- That was my fault.
- I know.

Oh.

He told me he's happy with the outcome,
though.

You're not angry we lost the listing?

No. I told you, your job was to make
your client happy, and he's happy.

She's being too supportive. She smiled.

- Mum?
- BARBARA: Yes?

How are you feeling?

Fine.

Is there...
is there anything you'd like to tell us?

Are you sick?

No.

OK. Um... good.

BARBARA: But...

... I am retiring.

Uh, why do you assume
you're getting the business?

(LAUGHS) Very funny.

I haven't decided who's getting it.

I need you to evict a tenant.

- Olive wants you out, so you must...
- Get out.

Please.

I've got an affliction for an eviction.

Shut up.

- (SIRENS HOWL)
- (STRUMS GUITAR)

I've made a decision.

I bet she's just pretending
to be on the phone

so she doesn't have to
talk to us about retiring.

Mrs Marsh, did you know Mum was retiring?

She told me not to tell you.

- We already know. She just told us.
- When did she tell YOU?

Oh. I-I can't remember.

Yeah, right.

You're not retiring, are you, Mrs Marsh?

No. I like me job.

And we'd be lost without you.