01x21 - Kenny Can Wait

[bunniefuu]

You're kidding me.

[Kn*fe rattling]

[Sighs, exhales deeply]

Oh, yeah.

Ooh.

[Thud] Ooh.

[Haughty voice] Finding
a toy in his enclosure,

the mature silverback will
be entertained for hours.

Very funny. Ahh!

There he is. Oh, man.

Why don't we get the big jar anymore?

That is the big one.

No, I'm talking about the
huge one with the handle.

- You gotta roll it to your car.
- Honey.

We got that once five years ago

when you were on a big
kick to feed the homeless.

It wasn't a kick, all right?

I like to give back to the community.

Giving back? Okay. You, Duffy, and Mott,

you made sandwiches,

and by the time you got
to the homeless shelter,

you had, like, five left.

A water main broke.
They shut down the expressway.

We sat in our car for two
hours listening to a Met game.

What? We're not gonna eat sandwiches?

♪ I am not your ordinary guy ♪

This isn't happening.

Donna! Donna!

Hey. What's up?

The guys are coming
over to watch a Met game

and it's saying we don't
subscribe to the sports package.

Yeah, I'm sorry.
I had to downgrade our cable.

Downgrade to what?

Not to Basic. Don't tell me Basic.

Basic.

[Groans]

Oh.

All right, we've been married
for years, so I'm...

I'm gonna give you a
chance to explain yourself.

We have to pay for Kendra's wedding.

And you haven't really been working

that many side jobs lately, so...

They're brutal.
But that's no reason to go to Basic.

We're not animals.

[Knock on door]

Yo. We win today, that's a -game sweep.

And Syndergaard's on the hill.

Yeah, there's nobody on the hill.

What are you talkin' about?

Donna canceled our sports package.

- All right, good times, man.
- No, wait, wait. Wait up.

There's gonna be a replay of it tonight.

Let's catch it at Enzo's, all right?

Ah, I can't.
I got an early gig in the morning

driving some guy in the city.

Let me do that for you.
Let me fill in, please.

Come on, we need the money, and I...

I'm a man without a
sports package. Come on.

Uh, I don't know. I mean, these are...

These are VIPs, CEOs you're driving.

I can handle that.

All right, let me think about it.

- Let me help you process right here.
- Ah. Hey.

- Hey, sweetheart. Guess what?
- What?

Goody got me a job driving a CEO.
How cool is that?

Oh, that's so great. Thank you, Goody.

- Isn't he the best? Yeah.
- Glad to help.

Yeah, yeah.

All right. Welcome back, premium cable.

[Door closes]

Okay.

All right, sorry I turned on you before.

Last six minutes without
sports was pretty stressful.

We both said some things that we regret,

- I'm sure, and just, uh...
- I just stood here, and you...

Let's not relive it.
Let's not really... it doesn't matter.

Hey? Hello?

-minute wait?

You ruined my life!

[Horns honking]

How's it goin', man? I'm heading
over to the convention center.

Yes, sir. I'm Kevin Gable, your driver.

- You enjoy the ride, Mr. Conrad.
- [Seatbelt clicks]

[Shifts gears]

Sorry, but, uh,
can I ask you a question, Mr. Conrad?

Are you Harry Connick Jr.?

Yeah. They make me use a different name

for security purposes.

It's... it's stupid.

No, no, no. I'm a
retired cop. So I get it.

A lot of crazies out there.

Better safe than waking
up in a tub of ice

with a kidney missing, you know?

I'm, uh, I'm gonna stop talking now.

If you need anything,
you just let me know.

Will do, Kenny.

Oh, actually, Mr.
Connick, my name is...

Hey, you know what? In this car,
no “misters.” All right?

It's just Harry and Kenny.

[Under breath] Harry and...

I'm Kenny.

What are you, uh, you doing a concert?

It's a charity thing.
I feel so blessed, I like to give back.

Yeah. I'm with you on that.

You're involved in charity work?

Y-Yes, I am. Yeah.

What... what... What do you do?

Uh, right now, I am. uh,

focused on feeding the
homeless, you know?

It's just... no big deal.
We just make a bunch of sandwiches.

You know, would it be easier
to cut a check and just

buy 'em at the store? Yeah, it would be.

It would be a lot easier,
but you know what?

I think we gain so much
more as a family unit

if we, uh, make the
sandwiches, you know,

together with... With love.

That's beautiful, Kenny.

Yeah, it's my passion.
Making sandwiches.

Only tough part is giving them away.

Mm, 'cause it brings you face
to face with the people in need.

Yeah. Sure.

Hey, how was work?

You mean my job driving
multiple Grammy winner

and talk show host Harry Connick Jr.?

What?! You shut your fat face!

[Gasps] I...

I am so sorry.

It... it flew right out.

- We're good. We're okay.
- Okay, wait, so...

So what's he like?

- He's the greatest.
- Oh, I knew it!

I'm telling you, he's
just a regular guy.

And he loves me.
I'm telling you, we hit it off.

- [Phone ringing]
- This could be the jobl'm dreaming of.

- Oh, my God.
- Hello?

Sorry, there's no Kenny here.

Whoa, whoa, that's me. That's me.

- Hold on.
- I got that.

Yo, go for Kenny.

Hey, Harry.

[Whispering] Is that Harry Connick Jr.?

- [Whispering] Just shut up, shut up!
- Is that Harry...

Shut up, shut up!

[Normal voice] Yeah.
Am I available for the whole week?

I gotta check my calendar.

[Mutters indistinctly] Ow. Okay.

Uh, yeah, I can make it work.

Okay, great, I'll see
you tomorrow. Okay.

[Stammers nervously]

He wants you to drive
him for the whole week?

- Yeah.
- Oh, my God. That is incredible.

- Yes.
- What was with the Kenny thing?

Oh, it's not a big deal.
He thinks my name's Kenny.

Why?

Well, I guess he called me
Kenny and I didn't correct him.

He's Harry Connick Jr.
I'll just fix it tomorrow.

Okay, but don't
embarrass him, all right?

You need this job, plus he's an artist.

So he's probably sensitive,
but really strong

with a tender touch.

You done?

Sorry. I'm sorry.

[Inhales sharply] Yeah, now I'm done.

Yeah, okay.

[Car door opens]

Kenny, my man. What's good?

Everything, Harry
Connick... Jr. Everything.

[Click]

Although, there was one
thing I just wanted to, uh,

clear up vis-à-vis my name.

Hey, hey,
didn't you say your last name was Gable?

I-I did.

Kenny Gable.

That makes you Kenny G.

You know... [Imitates saxophone]

- Kenny G., man! [Laughs]
- [Laughs]

Yeah, yeah, right.
We have the same initials, but...

- No, no, no, that's hilarious.
- Yeah.

Kenny G. is my driver?

If you tell me you play the saxophone,

we're gonna be friends for life.

[Laughs]

I dabble.

- Hey. How was Harry?
- Awesome.

I mean, I might've
told a couple more lies

like I play the sax and
my grandfather invented

- jalapeño poppers, but... man.
- [Bottle cap fizzes]

What a day.

- [Bottle cap clatters]
- What is wrong with you?

He's a celebrity. I can't stop lying.

Hey, celebrities are just
people like you and me.

- Oh, yeah. They're just like us, right?
- Yeah.

So if I pop on the TV tomorrow,
I can see the Donna Gable show?

No, I can't. You know why?
You don't have a show.

Please don't go crazy
with this, all right?

We need you to keep this job.

I'm not going crazy
with this, all right?

That's what Harry likes about me,
how unaffected I am.

[Cellphone ringing]

Oh, that's him.

All right, I'm gonna
wait for four rings,

then I'm gonna answer it.

What? What if it goes to voicemail

- and he doesn't leave a message?
- [Ring]

Hello?

Hey, Kenny.

Kenny?

Kenny?

Kenny.

Kenny?

Kenny.

I've been calling you like crazy.
Didn't you hear me?

Oh, you know what?
I'll tell you what it is. My bad ear.

I got a bad ear.

Oh, man. You were on the force.

Yeah, I got a buddy.
He's on the job down in New Orleans,

and a g*n went off
really close to his ear.

He can't hear anything.

Oh, yeah. See, stuff like that happens.

I-I don't like to talk about it,
'cause, you know...

- You're humble. Yeah?
- Mm...

Hey, hey, tomorrow,
I wanna buy and all your friends a beer.

No, you don't have to
do that. I don't...

No, I want to. I really want to.

And maybe we could talk about you

becoming my full-time driver, huh?

- How's that sound?
- That sounds good.

All right.

I mean, it sounds good
over here, you know.

In this ear,
it just sounds like whales talking.

[Imitating whales calling]

It's just a...

All right, the reason I
summoned you guys here today

is I may be bringing by a client,

and I just wanna cover some
ground rules, you know,

for security purposes.

Security purposes? Who is it?

I'm... I'm not at liberty to say.
It's Harry Connick Jr.

Harry Connick Jr. at
Enzo's? That's crazy!

Whoa, whoa, wait. That's
who you're driving?

That was supposed to be my gig.

Well, believe me,
he doesn't even wanna come here.

He's doing me a favor
because we've pretty much

become blood brothers, all right?

I wanted to throw you guys a bone.

You gotta at least do me a solid
and give him Didi's demo CD.

It's three tracks of hot fire.

The only reason I'm in
Harry's inner circle

is because he trusts me.

My job is keeping people
like you away from him.

Yeah, well, personally,
I can't stand the guy.

What? Why?

Ah, you know, a few years ago,
I followed him into a men's room

at a Knick game and tried
to get a selfie with him.

He said, “Can we do this outside?”

What's wrong with that?

It's just the way he said it.
Very 'tude-ish.

Can I at least tell my ma?

You know how Rita is with
celebrity autographs.

Yeah, she sells 'em on eBay. No. Okay?

So what's gonna happen,
when we get here,

I'm gonna set up a nice table
because people are gonna be

losing their minds.

Everybody's gonna wanna
be hanging out with us.

Us? Nobody cares about
you. We want Harry.

Did you star in “Hope Floats”?

No, I didn't.
But everything goes through me.

So I will individually
walk you over to him.

You get seconds.
No pictures, no autographs,

and don't bring any guests, all right?

Harry's a private guy.

He wants to spend a
quiet evening with me.

So this is the deal... Any shenanigans,

I'm telling you right up front,
I will shut it down.

I'm just looking for an apology.

You're never getting close enough,
guy, not on my watch.

- [Keys clatter]
- Hi. You missed dinner.

Sorry. I was at Enzo's. Work-related.

- Right. Work.
- Seriously, for Harry.

Had to do a little
recon for tomorrow night

when he takes me out to discuss

me becoming his full-time driver.

No way. Oh, it is so cool
that you're driving Harry.

Mm-hmm.

Harry? From One Direction?

Yes.

Life is incredible!

Yeah.

So are you serious?

He wants you to be his full-time driver?

Donna he loves me. I'm telling you.

Enough that he would want
to sing at Kendra's wedding?

I'm not asking for that.

- Everybody's hitting him up for stuff.
- Oh, my God.

- No, no, no, no.
- What? Like what?

Tickets, autographs.

Goody wanted me to pass
along Didi's singing demo.

Didi sings?

[Scoffs] Apparently.

It's supposed to be
three tracks of hot fire.

That's so weird.
I mean, after all these years,

you'd think that would've come up.

- Yeah.
- Have you ever heard her sing?

I haven't heard her whistle.

Well, I mean, that's crazy.

You only get one chip with
a celebrity and I mean,

no offense, we're not using it on Didi.

I agree.
If you haven't made it by , it's time

to take the dream out in the backyard

and let it go like a
balloon at a birthday party

and then sh**t it with a BB g*n.

What time should I be at Enzo's?

'Cause I wanna put on a dress.
I wanna get my nails done.

- No, no, no, no. Hey, no.
- What?

'Cause I already promised Harry
a very quiet evening with me.

And that's what he's gettin'.

How's the, uh, how's the lasagna?

It's good.

Harry Connick likes
the frickin' lasagna!

[Cheering]

Sorry about all this.

I have no idea how they
found out you'd even be here.

Everybody, hold up a second.
Hold on! Go ahead, baby.

Hey, Harry. This goes out to you.

- [Amplified voice]
- ♪ Sunrise in the distance ♪

♪ A tear rolling down my face ♪

♪ Don't want any resistance ♪

♪ We've both been to this place ♪

♪ I want it all,
but I don't wanna seem greedy ♪

There he is, Ma.

Get a good look and
then I'll take you home.

- I wanna touch him.
- No, you're not touching him, Rita.

Come on, get her out of here.

- Wheels up, wheels up.
- All right, all right,

all right, guy, calm down.

Sorry, Harry. I'll be right back.

Come on, man!

Hey, can I get another
beer, please? Thanks.

How you doin', man?

You know what? Don't even try.

Kenny. Kenny!

Hi. Kenny, come here.

Kenny, come here. Hey.

You need to introduce me to Harry.

Yeah, you and everybody else.

And take it down with the perfume.

[Speaking indistinctly]

Okay. Hey, no selfies.

Excuse me. No selfies, please.

- No self... hey.
- [Shutter clicks]

[Shutter clicks]

[Clicking continues]

[Sighs] I just can't
stop thinking about it.

I-I blew it.

Well, maybe it's not
as bad as you think.

I'm his driver, and the
guy left without me.

It's pretty bad. Yeah.

Can you just apologize to him tomorrow?

There's not gonna be a tomorrow, Donna.

He hasn't called me.

You know, it's...
It's probably for the best.

I'll tell you, driving
a celebrity, it's...

just too much pressure, you know?

And besides,
this is the whole reason I retired

right here, right?
Just spend time, you and I.

- It's nice.
- Yep.

[Cellphone ringing]

- It's him!
- Oh, my God...

Hello? Hello?

Hey, Harry. Tomorrow?

I gotta check my schedule.

Yeah, looks like we're good.

I'll see you then.

Kenny G. is back!

[Mouth full] Claudia, these taquitos

are better than last week,
and that is saying something.

Nice job. Nice. Way to go.

- Killin' it.
- [Cheering]

Before we wrap it up,
every once in a while,

you come across someone
in your everyday life

who really makes an impact,
somebody real, someone genuine.

And for me, it's my driver, Kenny.

Let's bring him out.
Kenny, get on out here.

Kenny. Kenny. Harry's calling for you.

- What?
- Harry's calling for you.

Let's get you mic'ed up. Come on.

[Cheers and applause]

Hey, Kenny!

[Cheering continues]

Come on.

[Cheering continues]

- How you doin'?
- Good. Good, good, good.

Come on. Have a seat.

[Cheering, whistling]

- Welcome.
- Thank you.

Now... now Kenny was on the
Long Island police force

for years.

Let's give him a round
of applause for that.

[Cheers and applause]

And in addition to raising a family

and driving me around all day,
this guy still finds time

to make sandwiches for the homeless.

[Cheers and applause]

I'm not cutting the crust off.
I'm no saint. [Chuckles]

I love... I love this guy.

Now check this out. His
name is Kenny Gable.

I call him Kenny G.

And believe it or not,
he plays the saxophone.

- No, no, no, I-I...
- [Cheers and applause]

No, no, no, no.

- Now, now...
- I don't wanna...

Unfortunately, Kenny
told me he lost his sax

in Hurricane Sandy.

Audience: Aww!

I did say that.

I probably didn't keep it
on a high enough shelf.

Uh, it's... that's my bad.

Well, I wanna tell you something.

We... at the Harry show,
we got a little surprise for you.

- Here you go.
- [Cheers and applause]

I don't, um...

You enjoy that, my man.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I think we have time to hear Kenny play

a little bit on that bad boy.

[Cheering continues] I
think he should play that.

Come on, baby!

You guys wanna hear Kenny play?

Oh, heck, yes!

Come on, baby.

Oh, don't try and play that, guy.

Please don't try and play that.

Come on, baby.

Play something tasty.

[Snapping fingers] Yeah.

[Scatting]

[Scatting] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come on, come on, play, play, play.

[Scatting continues]

Come on, come on,
walk it for me, man, come on.

Okay.

[Scatting]

Yeah, warm it up, warm
it up, warm it up.

[Scatting]

Oh, come on, come on,
come on, you got it.

- Come on.
- [Audience clapping rhythmically]

Oh, Lord, please, one time.

[Clapping continues]

[Plays flat note]

[Blows air]

[Plays flat note]

[Clears throat] This one's a little, uh,

it's a little jacked up a
little bit there in the front.

Let's get a, uh... Hold on a second.

[Playing off-key]

[Coughs] This is a different, uh...

The mouth...

[Playing off-key]

You don't play, do ya?

[Blows air]

Nope.

Do you at least have a hearing problem?

- I do not.
- Oh, stop talking.

Just stop talking.

Not a proud day for the Gables.

Sandwiches for the homeless?

Once.

I ate most of them.

Wow.

Wow, I don't...
I don't even know what to say, Kenny.

There might be one more thing.

I know I said it before,
but I really mean it this time.

This is... this is what it's all about.

And you're sure you're
okay watching Harry's show?

Yeah, I mean, he's a good guy.

You know,
it just didn't work out with me and all.

[Sighs] Yeah.

I mean it, being here with you,

nothing can hurt me.

[Cheers and applause]

You know, one of my big thrills
is discovering new talent,

and this one's as good as it gets.

With her new single, “Yes Indeedy,”

my good friend Didi Goodman.

[Applause]

Didi: ♪ Sunrise in the distance ♪

♪ A tear rollin' down my face ♪

♪ We don't want any resistance ♪

♪ We both came to this place ♪

♪ I want it all,
but I don't wanna be greedy ♪

♪ Ooh, if you're asking... ♪

Not gonna lie, that stings a little.

♪ Say yes indeedy ♪