♪ Come and listen to my
story 'bout a man named Jed
♪ A poor mountaineer
barely kept his family fed
♪ And then one day he
was sh**ting at some food
♪ And up through the
ground come a-bubbling crude
♪ Oil, that is ♪
Black gold Texas tea
♪ Well, the first thing you
know old Jed's a millionaire
♪ The kinfolk said "Jed,
move away from there"
♪ Said "California's
the place you oughta be"
♪ So they loaded up the
truck and they moved to Beverly
♪ Hills, that is
♪ Swimming pools Movie stars ♪
The Beverly Hillbillies.
Oh, glad you're here, boy.
I wanna tell you about the
family New Year's resolution.
It's Granny's idea,
and it's a dandy.
Commencing right now, we are
gonna be friendly to Ms. Drysdale.
No matter what she does to
provoke us or how poor she treats us,
we are gonna be sweet as sugar,
and that goes for every single one of us.
What do you think, boy? Reckon
you can keep that resolution?
Jethro?
Oh, hi, Uncle Jed. Did
you say something?
Yeah, I did. I was telling you
about this New Year's resolution.
Dad-blame Ms. Drysdale.
I'll nail her hide to a tree.
Well, what is the resolution?
Never mind. I get the
feeling it's done been busted.
I've seen some spiteful
neighbors in my time,
but that spiteful woman
is the most spitefulest.
Now, Granny...
Ah, just to spite us,
she built a spite fence.
- How's that for spitefulness?
- What fence?
The hedge wasn't enough.
She put up a canvas behind it.
I can't see over it
and I can't see under it.
What is it you wanna see?
Whatever it is that she don't
want me to see, that's what.
Well, nothing like
starting the New Year right.
Did you say
something, Uncle Jed?
No.
Chief, chief, chief, who were
those strange little creatures?
What strange little creatures?
Three tiny green men just
walked out of your office.
What were you
drinking last night?
Well, I had my usual nightcap
of celery and spinach juice.
Now, now, chief, I did
see three tiny green men.
- OK, OK, I saw them too.
- Oh, thank heaven.
- Who were they?
- Martians.
Oh, well, they certainly
gave... Martians?
I am in their power.
My instructions are...
Now, now, now, now, chief,
stop that. What's gotten into you?
The advertising
scheme of the century.
Those little green men
are going to make this bank
the most famous financial
institution in the world,
and all within the
space of five minutes.
- What?
- It's New Year's Day.
At the Rose Bowl, a hundred
thousand people watching,
millions more on television.
Suddenly a flying
saucer appears.
A... A flying saucer?
It hovers over the Bowl.
Every eye is turned skyward
and every camera turned upon it.
Suddenly a voice booms out.
"Take us to your leader,
your financial leader,
the Commerce
Bank of Beverly Hills."
Chief, what were you
drinking last night?
Coffee. I spent the night in
conference with the Flying Montenaros.
- The Flying Montenaros?
- Yes. They're those little green men.
They're Italian midgets.
They do a balloon act.
So I had the balloon modified
to look like a flying saucer.
Where are you going?
To take my little Martians
to their spacecraft.
- Oh, well, where is it?
- Uh-uh. Uh-uh-uh.
Even they don't
know where it is.
It's in a spot no one suspects,
hidden behind a hedge
and ten feet of canvas,
and no one's going to see it
until it arrives at the Rose Bowl.
Chief, listen to me. You could be
arrested for trying a stunt like this.
That's all been taken care of.
If anything goes wrong,
the headline will read:
"Banker's Secretary
Admits Hoax."
- Me?
- Well, think of it.
You'll get credit for the greatest
advertising scheme of the century.
What do you say?
Can I count on you?
- Well, I'll go to jail.
- That's the old spirit.
Uncle Jed, can I
drive into town now?
Elly said she'd keep an
eye on Granny for me.
Oh, I don't reckon your Granny's
gonna need watching no more.
She's awful determined
to see over that spite fence.
She was, but I think falling off
the roof sort of discouraged her.
It's a wonder she didn't
bust every bone in her body.
I reckon that marble bench
out back kind of broke her fall.
- Well, I'll be going, then.
- You go ahead. She's give up.
Granny, what in the
Sam Hill are you doing?
Oh, just out for a little walk.
On stilts?
Well, I might just come
on a tree full of ripe fruit.
All right, have
yourself a good look.
But watch out for Jethro.
He's gonna come barreling
around the side of the house
any minute now in the truck.
Jethro, look out
for your Granny!
Granny, watch out!
What with slippery
roofs and crazy drivers,
a body ain't safe
around this house.
Uncle Jed, is she all right?
So far, but if that
muley little woman
don't find out what's on the other
side of that spite fence pretty quick...
Well, how about I
go look and tell her?
- Might save us all a heap of misery.
- I'll be right back.
Where you going now?
To borrow a cup of possum
renderings from Ms. Drysdale.
- What's the g*n for?
- In case she won't let me in.
OK, we're there.
Never mind. Never mind. This is
where you'll hide out till launch time.
Now, there's nobody
home. The house is yours.
But don't answer the
phone. Don't answer the door.
Sorry, I don't
understand Italian.
Now, your balloon is
hidden around in back,
and don't worry if it
looks like a flying saucer.
I've made some changes,
but it'll still get you to Pasadena.
Now, here, stay behind
this till you get inside.
I told you, I don't
understand Italian.
My brother says when
do we get our money?
What did he say?
Oh, I'm sorry, I don't
understand Italian.
A flying saucer?
They's landed.
Come on, answer the door. What
kind of good neighbor are you?
Ah.
Spiteful old biddy.
No.
I didn't see no
little green man.
Granny, anything the matter?
No, I'm fine.
You look like you seen a ghost.
I ain't seen nothing.
You down that much
white mule, you're gonna.
Jed, could we set
down and talk a little?
Sure. Come on. What
you wanna talk about?
Oh, nothing in particular.
It's just that we ain't
chewed the fat for a while.
Well, that's the truth.
Well, the weather sure has
turned off nice again, ain't it?
Yeah, it has.
According to Pearl, they's
had a little cold snap back home.
Uh-huh.
Jed, have you noticed that folks
is getting shorter and greener?
- Granny...
- Yeah?
- Shorter and greener?
- Uh-huh.
Well, no, I can't say
that I've noticed that.
- Why do you ask?
- Oh, no reason.
Just that if you had, it sure would
give us something to talk about.
True. True.
This is Jethro Bodine calling
space people by mental telepath.
I know you're probably
looking for a big Earth brain
to take back to Venus
or Mars or wherever.
Well, here I set.
I'd have come over
to your spaceship,
but I couldn't get my basket
of victuals through the hedge.
Space people, I ain't getting
no message back from you.
Let me know if
I'm coming through.
I feel something.
You're coming through.
Oh, you're really coming
through to me now.
That message is
boring right into my brain.
What are you trying to tell me?
You're a nut.
No, I ain't, space people. I'm one
of the biggest brains here on Earth.
Jethro, it's me, Elly.
Shh!
Doggone! You done scared 'em
off. Now they stopped transmitting.
Who has? What are
you talking about?
The Martians is next door.
Oh, they friends
of the Drysdales?
You dumb old girl.
Martians is from outer space.
They landed their flying saucer
in the Drysdales' backyard.
- Well, what for?
- To try and contact me.
They always try to locate the
Earth man with the biggest brain.
Martians is hundreds of times
smarter than ordinary folks.
Well, if they's here to contact
you and so awful smart,
how come they landed
in the wrong yard?
Keep it up, they's gonna
turn you into a robot.
- How come?
- 'Cause they know what you're thinking.
Then they ain't gonna contact
you 'cause I think you're a pea brain.
You keep it up and I'm gonna
let them Martians vaporize you.
Well, I don't think there is any
Martians, nor a flying saucer neither.
Yeah? I'll show you.
George Washington?
OK, that's a good
expression. Hold it right there.
Sure hope I don't get into
trouble with the government.
Relax. If there's any problem,
Miss Hathaway'll take the blame.
Chief, what kind
of madness is this?
The kind of madness that's going
to make me king of the bankers.
Oh, have those printed
up in exact dollar-bill size.
Oh, in lovely mint green.
Oh, a great advertising scheme.
My little Martians are gonna
toss thousands of Drysdale dollars
from their flying
saucer, and it'll be...
You can't duplicate
money. That's counterfeiting.
Please listen to me. This idea
is getting completely out of hand.
Now, stop and think. You're
taking terrible chances.
Yeah, I guess maybe I am
leaving myself wide open for trouble.
Oh, believe me, you are.
- OK, take a memo.
- Oh.
Ready.
I, Jane Hathaway, hereby
confess, on New Year's Day...
See? Yonder's the saucer.
Look, a-coming.
They must be Martians.
- What are they saying?
- I don't know. They's talking Martian.
Hey!
I'm gonna go tell
Paw and Granny.
That fool Jethro was fixing to tote
off every scrap of food in the house.
There must be a
ton of victuals in here.
Yeah, that'd last the
boy purt near half a day.
Where do you think
he was fixing to go?
Paw? Granny?
Guess what's going on
over to the Drysdales'.
I don't wanna hear.
But there's a flying
saucer over there
and some little green
men about this high.
- You seen 'em too?
- Yes'm, Granny.
With green faces and wires
sticking out of their heads?
Yes'm, Granny. They's from Mars.
I knowed they
was out-of-staters.
Now, hold on. You seen little green
men with wires sticking out of their heads?
That's right, Uncle Jed.
I figure they come to take
me back to Mars with 'em.
They ain't taking you
nowhere, the little goomers.
Scaring the wits out of folks.
Now, you take and put
this stuff back in the icebox.
But, Granny, I'm gonna
need that for lunch.
Mars is a fair piece off, and I
can't count on them for victuals.
From the looks of 'em,
all they eat is greens.
And not a whole lot of them.
Now, wait a minute.
Let me get this straight.
All three of you has seen these
little green men over to the Drysdales'?
- That's right.
- Yeah.
Well, I reckon maybe that explains
why Ms. Drysdale put up that high fence.
What d'you mean?
Well, we all know what great store
that woman sets by appearances.
Well, here she's got out-of-town
company and she's ashamed of 'em.
Serves her right. She complained
about the way we looked.
All the more reason
to treat 'em friendly.
- So let's invite 'em over for victuals.
- All right.
I can't believe
what I'm hearing.
You dumb old country people are
talking like Martians is just plain folks.
They's from another planet, clean
out in space, hundreds of miles away.
They's smarter than human
beings, even smarter than me.
Well, your brain never
got in the way of eating,
so go out and invite
'em for victuals.
Uncle Jed, can't
you understand that...
I'll show you how smart they are.
I'll talk to 'em by mental telepathy.
Jethro Bodine calling
spacemen. Come in, spacemen.
You're coming through again.
I still can't cipher your code,
but I got a message for you.
Boy... OK, here it is.
My family would like for you to
come over and take victuals with us.
What do you say?
They said yes, and
I think they's hungry.
Hey, Martians,
come on over here.
Don't be afraid.
I'm a Earth man.
I'm that giant brain
y'all been looking for.
Course, this ain't all of me.
There's a whole big old body
laying out behind this head.
Didn't you get my telepathic
message to come on over for victuals?
You know, food, eats, chow.
Ciao.
Yeah, that's right.
Mmm, good.
I been calling the Drysdales,
but nobody answers the telephone.
I figured we ought to invite them to
come along with the visitors from Mars.
I ain't hardly got enough
victuals for them little goomers,
let alone the growed-ups.
And it's cold at that.
Well, I didn't have
time to cook nothing.
They don't like it,
they can lump it.
I'm sure they'll
be right pleased.
They's coming,
Granny. They's coming.
- Hey, is this all the victuals you got?
- Ah!
Now, now, it'll just be family hold
back until the Martians has ate their fill.
They scared me so bad, I
couldn't eat if I wanted to.
The little green varmints.
Well, Granny, they can't
help it if they's little and green.
Elly's right. We shouldn't let on
that they's any different than us.
Leastways, let's try our best.
Well, howdy there, neighbors.
My name is Jed Clampett.
Good to see you.
You're looking well.
Well, this here is my
family. This is Granny.
- And Elly May.
- Hi.
- And I reckon you met Jethro.
- Yeah.
Well, victuals is on.
Put your feet under
the table and dig in.
What's the matter? Ain't
it good enough for you?
Granny.
Be careful. They'll
vaporize you.
I'd like to see 'em try.
Come on, sit
down, give it a taste.
Yeah, Granny's
grits is awful good.
How's the weather
been back to Mars?
Cousin Pearl says they been
having a cold snap at home.
Did y'all have a nice trip?
Well, come on, commence eating.
Grazie.
I ain't got no grazie.
You'll eat grits and like it.
Come on. You too, Elly.
Well, now, enjoy
yourselves. Eat your fill.
If you run out, there's plenty
more in that big basket yonder.
Granny, if you don't stop
mean-mouthing them Martians,
they's gonna turn
us all into robots.
What's a robot?
That's where they take
these little electronic things
and plant them under your hide,
and then you got
to do their bidding.
- The dickens you say.
- Yeah.
From then on you just walk around
with a stupid look on your face.
- Where did they plant yours?
- Oh!
If these Martians has
got a spiteful streak in 'em,
we better find out
more about 'em.
I'll call Mr. Drysdale
down to the bank.
Miss Hathaway, I've
decided there's a lot of value
in this George Washington image.
Why, I could become known as
the financial father of our country.
Chief, the flying saucer
idea was bad enough,
but this is going to get
you a cell with rubber walls!
That's the difference
between us.
You make your living
pounding with your fingers.
I use my head.
That explains it.
Jane Hathaway here.
Oh, Mr. Clampett,
I'm so glad it's you.
You're the one person
Mr. Drysdale will listen to.
Well, he's been
acting most peculiarly.
He came in this morning with this stupid
idea about Martians and a flying saucer.
Miss Hathaway?
I can't talk to you anymore now,
but, please, can you come right down?
I'm really worried about him.
Yes, ma'am, I'll be right there.
By doggies, Jethro was right.
Sounds like them Martians has stuck
something under Mr. Drysdale's hide.
According to Miss Jane,
he's acting mighty q*eer.
Come on, Jethro.
Granny, you and Elly lock
yourselves in your room.
Let's get upstairs, Granny.
I ain't scared of them
little gourd-heads.
Why, I've fished with
grasshoppers bigger than them.
Look at these Drysdale dollars.
I'll blanket the city with them.
- Did you see them crazy clothes?
- Yeah.
And his hair's growed
long and turned snow white.
He looks a hundred years old.
They got one of them things
under his hide somewhere.
My little Martians are gonna
toss these Drysdale dollars
out of their flying
saucer by the thousands.
Everybody will get some.
- Chief, listen to reason.
- Nothing's going to stop me.
I've got it up here.
They put it in his head. You
want I should snatch it out?
No, Jethro.
If they got him to the point where
he's throwing away his own money,
- it's too late.
- I guess so.
I just hope we get home in
time to save Granny and Elly.
Yeah. Granny can't
stand that much aging.
Elly May, you all right?
- Well, sure, Paw.
- Where's Granny?
Well, she just went tearing out of here
with her shotgun. What are you doing?
- She's all right, Uncle Jed.
- Shotgun?
Says she's gonna blow that there
flying saucer to kingdom come.
Why, that silly little
old country woman.
She can't hurt a
spaceship with her shotgun.
Why, they's made out of space-age
metal. Not even a cannon can dent it.
Well, then she'll light
into it with her bare heads.
- She's madder than a wet hornet.
- How come?
Well, them little green fellas
ate up everything there was
and left without so
much as a thank you.
Kept yelling for more grazie and
chow and something called arrivederci.
All right, you greedy
little grit grabbers.
I'm gonna count to three to get
your little green carcasses out of here.
If you don't, you ain't
never gonna get ripe.
One, two, three!
What'd you do to the little fellas?
You didn't sh**t 'em, did you?
No. But take a look
at their flying saucer.
Flatter than a pancake.
They took off for Mars on foot.
All right, all right,
you little robbers.
There's enough money
there for ten balloons.
Now, get out of here.
Drysdale!
♪ Well, now it's time to say
goodbye to Jed and all his kin
♪ They would like to thank
you folks for kindly dropping in
♪ You're all invited back
next week to this locality
♪ To have a heaping
helping of their hospitality
♪ Hillbilly, that is
♪ Set a spell Take
your shoes off ♪
Y'all come back now, you hear?
This has been a
Filmways presentation.