01x03 - Earth Day

[bunniefuu]

I'm Masha.

CARMEL: Supposedly,
she completely changes people,

you know. That's why I'm going,
to be transformed.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Good luck with that.

MASHA: You're a drug addict, Tony.

There's many places
you could go, but you came here.

It's my brother, Zach.

He... He stopped living three years ago.

- HEATHER: I'm angry.
- At me.

For being so constantly upbeat.

- That was interesting.
- Could you just be open, please?

It's not published yet.

Maybe the guy
got a leaked copy or something.

FRANCES: What did it say?

TONY: He didn't like it very much.

- ZOE: Mom!
- NAPOLEON: Honey!

FRANCES: I mean, is Masha crazy

- or is she the real deal?
- [CELLPHONE CHIMES]

MASHA: You're right, Delilah, this is

a particularly volatile group.

Let's start the Protocol.
The new Protocol.

I've made the decision.

This is exciting.

[THIS STRANGE EFFECT PLAYING]

♪ You've got this strange effect on me ♪

♪ And I like it ♪

♪ You've got this strange effect on me ♪

♪ And I like it ♪

♪ You make my world seem right ♪

♪ You make my darkness bright, oh, yes ♪

♪ You've got this strange effect on me ♪

♪ And I like it ♪

♪ And I like it ♪

♪ And I like it ♪

♪ Only you ♪

♪ Can make all this world seem right ♪

♪ Only you ♪

♪ Can make the darkness bright ♪

♪ Only you and you alone ♪

[BREATHES HEAVILY]

Today we give ourselves to the Earth.

♪ And fill my heart with... ♪

[GASPS, SCREAMS]

- [GASPS]
- HEATHER: What?

[BREATHES HEAVILY, GROANS]
I thought I heard a scream.

[PANTS]

Oh. [SCOFFS]

- I wouldn't know.
- Sorry.

[HEATHER GROANS]

- [BREATHES HEAVILY]
- [SNIFFS]

♪ lively music playing ♪

[BREATHES HEAVILY]

You're not hard.

[INHALES] I mean, you're not really wet.

- I am wet.
- BEN: Not really.

I think I'd be the first to know.

Hmm. Maybe our frame
of reference is just different.

Our frame of reference is different?

I mean, my wet might not be your wet.

What?

[GROANS]

[GROANS]

[GROANS]

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS] f*ck me.

[TOOTHBRUSH WHIRRING]

HEATHER: Morning.

Hey, honey.

Brushing with a lot
of vigor today. Even for you.

- It's my Masha day.
- What?

[SPITS] It's my Masha day.
My, uh, my one-on-one.

- Fabulous. [SPITS]
- [WATER TRICKLING]

Why fabulous?
Do you even know what to expect?

Hmm. No. No idea.
It's like jumping in a river.

You just see where it takes you.

[INHALES, EXHALES]

Rivers just take you downstream

from wherever you are. [INHALES]

I guess that's the point.

- What can I do?
- Nothing, it's okay.

Like you say, we... we ride it out.

[EXHALES] Hmm.

[FOOTSTEPS RECEDING]

[SIGHS]

[RICHIE BLEATING]

Hey, baby. Hmm.

- [RICHIE BLEATS]
- Richie, you're sad.

What is it? What is it?

- [CELLPHONE CHIMING]
- We gotta clean your teeth.

- DELILAH: Something wrong?
- MASHA: Oh, you scared me.

[EXHALES]

Yao mentioned that you've been
getting threats.

Is that another one?

I'm not worried. [SIGHS] I'm not.

Think it's Connelly, maybe? His family?

It makes sense, right?

What? I won. No negligence.

DELILAH: Well, that doesn't mean
they're over it.

[CHUCKLES] I mean, who else could it be?

It could be... a stalker.

It could be a competitor,
it could be my ex-husband,

it could be... it could be.

I mean, I wish I could narrow the field.

I don't think they're ready.

[CHUCKLES]

- I really, really don't.
- Oh...

Delilah, can you trust me on this?

Sometimes I feel trust
is still an issue with you, hmm?

- Hmm. Yes. Take it.
- [CHUCKLES] Thank you.

MASHA: Come on. Don't worry so much.

- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- YAO: All right. Morning, Zoe.

- Morning.
- Morning, Carmel.

Welcome, everybody.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Everyone, welcome to day three.

Good morning, Yao.

[SIGHS] I don't know where
Masha sourced that mattress,

but oh, my God,
it is perfection. [CHUCKLES]

[SIGHS]

YAO: Heather, how are you feeling today?

Oh, good. Slept amazingly actually.

How about you, sweetheart?

Yeah, good.

Mm. This is good.

Oh, my goodness, delicious.

It's the big yum-yum, is what this is.

It's his Masha day.

FRANCES: Oh. It's scary,
but like in a good way.

- Does that make sense?
- I've got a splitting headache.

YAO: Okay, uh, morning schedule.
We have meditation

after breakfast, then we begin our fast.

TONY: I don't have my smoothie.

- YAO: There you go.
- TONY: Great. [EXHALES]

FRANCES: Oh, look at the special plate.

Yeah, that's real f*cking cute.

Why do you get that?
I couldn't even get an Advil.

Some of us have real medical conditions.

I have an actual bad back.

Which your little Heimlich didn't help.

You loved it.

[SLURPS]

Sorry to be a nosy-posy...

[CHUCKLES] ...but what am I missing?

Um, he tried to k*ll me
with a grape yesterday.

Ooh, can I get some grapes?
Actually, I'm kinda having

a little blood sugar issue.

We do need you all
to take the fast seriously.

- Is that no?
- I'm taking it very seriously.

- When do we eat again?
- YAO: Dinner. : pm.

- Oh, scheisse.
- : ? That's... that's hours from now.

DELILAH: We will be outside all day,

so if you feel you must eat,

anything you can forage
on the property is allowed.

YAO: Hmm.

Today is about
connecting with Mother Earth.

Living off the land.

Um, can I ask?

- [CLICKS TONGUE]
- Oh, doesn't matter. It's fine.

- DELILAH: Go ahead.
- YAO: Please.

Excellent. Well. When, uh, I feel stress

and tension, it, uh,
typically helps me if,

uh, I talk about it.

And I was wondering
whether that was okay.

You know, within the group.

- Of course.
- Absolutely.

Excellent. Um... I'm feeling tension

between Jessica and Ben.

What's going on?

It's probably more what's not going on.

I'm so sorry. I don't know why

- I said that out loud.
- BEN: What do you mean by that?

- "What's not going on"?
- I... I didn't mean anything by it.

- I didn't mean to say it.
- What'd you tell her about us?

I didn't say anything.

She just must be really intuitive.

[LARS SCOFFS]
Listen, you're with friends here.

You would feel much better
if you just talked it out.

Hey, talk this out, bro.
You're a real d*ck.

Delilah, I would like
to report Ben to HR.

- Who do I speak to about that?
- DELILAH: Lars.

You need to stop being antagonistic.

Well, good luck with that.

LARS: Excuse me?

Excuse you? You remember?

That's what you said when we met
at the General Store.

I told you I was coming here
to be transformed... [SIGHS]

...and you said, "Good luck with that."

Wow, you really have
given that a lot of thought.

Seriously, babe,
get yourself a vibrator,

- let off some steam.
- Really?

YAO: Okay, okay.
Back to the schedule, please.

We have meditation from : to : .

Potato sack race at : .

Napoleon, you have Masha at : .

Wait. Did you just say potato sack race?

Yes, I did.
Exercise combined with laughter

is proven to reduce stress and anxiety,

which it seems we could use.

- Sensational!
- TONY: Potato sack race,

- I'm not doing it.
- [CARMEL LAUGHING]

Tony, you can be excused
because of your knee.

- TONY: Right.
- YAO: And, um, Frances,

if your back is bothering you...

It really is.

YAO: No problem. But I can tell you

it's one of our most popular activities.

We've never had a guest
who regretted participating.

Count the Marconis in.

Uh-oh, I wanna be on the Marconi team.

- [CARMEL LAUGHS]
- Yeah, and Carmel. There you go.

Bet you guys are from a
long line of potato-sackers.

Oh, you bet. I got...
I got moves like Tigger.

Look at this!

[LAUGHS] You could be in the Olympics.

- HEATHER: No. Sit down.
- CARMEL: You're gonna hit the ceiling!

LARS: Is it individual bags,
or do we get to jump in the sack

with somebody else? 'Cause if we do...

I choose Jessica.
I'm gay, but I still choose Jessica.

Aw, that is so sweet of you to say.
[CHUCKLES]

Look at those claws.
My God, they're fierce. [CHUCKLES]

Anyway, so long as it's not Carmel

because you terrify me.

[INHALES] Shut up! [SCREAMS]

[ALL CLAMORING]

[MASHA SIGHS]

DELILAH: Masha?

Yes.

There's been an incident.

Carmel att*cked Lars.

Physically att*cked him?

She lunged for his throat,
but we handled it.

He's with Yao now.

Well, she has anger issues.

It's better that it comes out this way.

Than what other way?

Oh, come on.
You're having a day, aren't you?

Aren't you?

Well, apropos
of our conversation earlier,

I do think we should proceed

with a little bit of caution, no?

Duly noted.

[CHUCKLES] It's good
that we challenge each other.

It only makes us better, right?

All about self-improvement.

[MASHA SIGHS]

Glory's taking Carmel to the arboretum.

I've examined Lars, he's fine.

See, everything's fine.

No need to worry, but Delilah is tight.

I think you've been
neglecting her, Yao. Hmm?

You've got a good one here.

I hope you appreciate her.

[EXHALES]

Do you?

I... I do.

MASHA: Hmm. Really good. [CHUCKLES]

I love my team.

You want to ring the bell?
Come on, lovebirds, move it.

[DELILAH CHUCKLES]

[EXHALES] f*ck.

[BREATHES HEAVILY, GROANS]

- [GROANS]
- [HIGH-PITCHED TONE]

f*ck.

[GROANS, SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

[GROANS]

[GAGS]

[WATER FLUSHING]

[DOOR CLOSES]

- Hey.
- Yeah. [GROANS]

Are you okay?
You look... you look pasty.

Yeah, I'm fine.
Just, you know, meditation.

Being alone with my own thoughts.

Yeah. I know that.
Hey, um, listen, do you mind

not saying anything to the others

about my little internet scam-dom thing

'cause it's just...
well, it's humiliating.

- What did you tell me for?
- I don't know.

I guess for some reason I didn't
think you were gonna judge me.

[BELL TOLLING]

Yeah. Your secret's safe with me.

- Thanks.
- All right. Let's go meditate.

[FRANCES CHUCKLES]

MASHA:
The sunlight rains down upon you...

a strobing swath of gold.

Filling you up...

from your head, to your toes...

with gratitude...

and joy.

For another day, another chance.

[TONY SHUDDERS]

I'm right here, Tony...

[TONY SHUDDERS]

...sharing it with you.

[SHUDDERS]

- [BONE CRACKS]
- [SCREAMS]

[SIGHS]

[GRUNTS]

[SIGHS]

[EXHALES]

[EXHALES]

[EXHALES]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

- JESSICA: Oh, thank you.
- [TONY GROANS]

- FRANCES: Oh.
- Ah, fancy meeting you here.

Are you doing this?
Are you sure that's a good idea?

Yeah, I can't resist the competition.

What's your excuse?

Are you sure you're okay to do this?

Oh. [CHUCKLES] That's... That is cute.

I'm not participating,
I'm here socially. Good luck.

Okay, let's split up.

- The Marconis...
- NAPOLEON: Yes!

- ...and Carmel. Versus...
- Whoo!

...Ben, Jessica, Lars, and Tony.

We are gonna look
so ridiculous in these things.

- [CHUCKLES]
- [CHUCKLES] You? Never.

Okay, this way, ladies.

Oh, you're gonna do this with your knee?

You sh*t talking me, Karen?

- Can you cope?
- Heather. Her name's Heather.

He knows that. He's joking.

YAO: Okay, we want everyone to be safe.

So let's not get crazy.

Remember the goal is fun,
laughter, and play.

The positive benefits
of which have been documented

at the Mayo Clinic, FYI.

FRANCES: Whoo! There you go!

I'm rooting for all of you!

- Yeah, we're gonna crush this.
- FRANCES: Go get them!

Our team's more fit!

- CARMEL: Whoo!
- NAPOLEON: The Marconis

will not be beaten.

I've got a heart murmur. Is that okay?

- All right. Ready... and, go!
- [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

- [ALL CHEER]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[CHUCKLES]

[MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]

- [ALL CHEER]
- [PLAYFUL CHATTER]

- I got it! I got it! I got it!
- NAPOLEON: Come on! Come on!

CARMEL: I got it! I got it!

Yes! I got... [LAUGHING]

I got it! I got it!

I got it!

What?

♪

- [CROWD CHEERING]
- Yeah! I won! I... we won!

- We won! We won! We won!
- [TONY GRUNTS, CHEERS]

NAPOLEON: That's illegal.
That's illegal. That's illegal.

That wasn't... She wasn't...
She wasn't jumping.

Everyone calm down.

- Calm down. Calm down.
- NAPOLEON: I could've done the...

- YAO: Breathe.
- Excuse me. But there's no rule

- that says I have to jump.
- [PANTING] That's right.

- [LARS LAUGHS]
- YAO: No, no. That is a first, but...

it's legal. Yeah.

- [CHEERING]
- BEN: Strategy.

How did you even learn to do that?

[CHUCKLES] I used to be a cheerleader.

- Gee!
- YAO: Okay, okay!

Congratulations to the winners.
Namaste to the losers.

- Yeah, okay.
- YAO: We have minutes of free time,

then it is out to the wilderness.

Lunch is out there
if you can find it. Dinner, too.

- Why dinner?
- YAO: Uh, smoothies at : pm,

- but anything beyond that...
- [STAMMERS] You can't...

You can't just starve us.

Oh, there's a lot of fruit trees. Nuts.

There's even an avocado tree
out there somewhere.

- And a river.
- I can't eat a river.

Do we at least get a fishing pole?

Uh, living off the land, Ben.
So... [CLICKS TONGUE]

- [TONY SIGHS]
- That doesn't count?

YAO: Forty minutes, everyone!

Don't forget your sunscreen. Okay!

- HEATHER: Okay. All right.
- Can't eat sunscreen either.

[CELLPHONE VIBRATES]

[CELLPHONE BUTTON CLICKS]

[WATER GUSHING]

- [BREATHES HEAVILY]
- [CELLPHONE BUTTON CLICKS]

[CHIMING]

[DOOR KNOCKS]

Please come in.

[SIGHS] Napoleon.

- Welcome, how are you today?
- Thank you.

Oh, fantastic. I mean, still smarting

from a devastating potato sack defeat,

- but other than that...
- Wonderful.

NAPOLEON: You know, I,
uh, I wanted to let you know

we're so grateful to be here
despite how it may have...

seemed at the beginning.
Heather was, um...

She couldn't believe it

when you reduced
your rate for us. Very generous.

How is Heather?

Oh, she's good. Thank you.

Please, um, sit down.

So she's better?

She was quite on the precipice
the other day, I understand.

Oh, she would never...
She was just, uh...

- Admiring the view.
- Yeah. [CHUCKLES]

Yeah, she would never.

She would never.

[MASHA INHALES, EXHALES]

Wanna start again?

How is your wife? How is Heather?

Heather is broken.

Our son took his life.
And Heather, uh...

- she's broken.
- MASHA: Mm-hmm.

- What about you?
- I'm fine.

I mean, I... Obviously,
I was grief-stricken

for some time and, uh...

But these things happen.

- These things happen?
- Yes. They do.

Uh, su1c1de is the leading cause
of death in America,

especially for young people.

I spent about a month crying
"Why me?" on my pillow.

But when you look at the statistics,

the better query might be, "Why not me?"

It's all around us.

MASHA: So you're not broken.

I... I still hurt, of course, but...

and the irony...

MASHA: The irony?

Napoleon, what irony?

"It matters not how straight the gate,

I am the master of my fate.
I am the captain of my soul."

"Out of the night carries me,
black as the Pit

from pole to pole."

- [NAPOLEON CHUCKLES]
- Invictus.

Yeah. Yeah. You get a gold star.

I teach high school. Which you know.

And, uh, anyway, that's what I preach

to all my students,
that they are the masters

of their own fates.

And Zach chose to be
the master of his fate,

in his way. So, you know. Irony.

MASHA: I am so sorry.

I am so sorry for your loss, Napoleon.

Thank you. It's, uh, it's difficult.

But I am not broken.

We carry on because we must, right?

- What's the alternative?
- Exactly.

I'd like to try something,
if you're open to it?

Of course I'm open, that's why I'm here.

[CHUCKLES] Lovely.

Good. Well, um, close your eyes...

breathe...

[INHALES DEEPLY]

...picture your son Zach.

[SCOFFS, LAUGHS] Sorry.

- That... not... not right now.
- MASHA: Okay. Okay. No.

- No. Mm-hmm.
- MASHA: Of course not. I understand.

Just picture anything...
Anything at all.

- Hmm.
- Close your eyes.

I... I really don't want
to be late for the foraging.

I'm... I'm told there's
a limited amount of avocados.

- MASHA: Napoleon, please.
- ...and the idea of missing out

- on the guac is, uh...
- MASHA: Please, would you do it?

Picture anything at all. I don't care.

I mean, a cup of coffee.
Whatever you want...

A spaceship. Your wife's smile.
Anything at all.

Then you can leave, I promise.
Just close your eyes.

- Yeah.
- MASHA: Close them.

Yes, that's it. Now...

anything you want.

There it is. What did you see?

[BREATHES HEAVILY]

I saw myself.

Eating a delicious avocado.

♪

- MASHA: The future.
- Yeah.

May... may I go, Masha? Please?

You may. Carry on, Napoleon.

[INHALES] Right-o.

♪

[SIGHS]

What about these mushrooms?
Are they poisonous?

YAO: Uh, some are. Uh, some aren't.

Some... Helpful!

YAO: I suggest we stick to the berries,

the... the leafy greens.

It's not just about finding food.

It's about connecting to the Earth.

Really feeling the Earth.

NAPOLEON:
Yeah. As long as I don't connect

to any poison ivy, I'm allergic.

Yao, a moment.

- Yes.
- I'm not really feeling

the effects of my
breakfast this morning,

you know what I mean?

No, I don't.

My medication. You guys cutting back?

Tony, you... you picked up the pill
and swallowed it.

Uh-huh. Yeah, well listen,
I'm... I'm not feeling

so great,
okay? And when I feel like sh*t,

I don't play well with
others. You got me?

Understood.

TONY: What are you staring at?

- I know who you are.
- Oh, yeah?

BEN: You looked familiar,
but I couldn't place your face.

But now I can.
You're Smiley Hogburn, right?

NAPOLEON: What? Oh, my God.

Ben, you're right,
that's Smiley Hogburn.

Holy moly, what happened, man?

I... I didn't mean that.

Who... Who's Smiley Hogburn?

He was a star tight end for the Niners.

He was like Gronkowski
before Gronkowski.

Gronkowski.
I was better than Gronkowski.

BEN: Yo, you know you could've
been a Hall of Famer

if you wouldn't have
shattered your knee.

I knew you were famous. I knew it.

BEN: And you know how I recognized you?

When we won the potato sack race
and you did that little dance.

That was your touchdown jig, right?

Yo, you was my dad's favorite player.

Well, you was his favorite white player.

Well, you was probably
his second favorite white player

'cause he loved Brett Favre,
but you was top three for sure.

Damn, I'm talking to Smiley Hogburn.

TONY: No, you're not.

There's no Smiley Hogburn
anymore, okay? It's just Tony.

You got me? Tony!

And Tony needs his f*cking medicine.

JESSICA: So, uh, are there any snakes?

DELILAH: There are species
of snakes in this region.

I'm not gonna have to,
like, bite the head off one

to prove myself, am I?

- DELILAH: Jessica.
- JESSICA: Hmm?

You shouldn't ever do anything
that makes you feel uncomfortable.

That goes for anywhere, here included.

Maybe especially here. Okay?

FRANCES: What did that mean?

That sounded like it had meaning.

[MICHICANT BY BON IVER PLAYING]

♪ Melic in the naked ♪
♪ Knew a lake ♪

♪ And drew the lofts ♪
♪ For the page ♪

♪ Hurdle all the waitings up ♪

♪ Know it wasn't wedded love ♪
♪ Why? ♪

♪ Honey, it wasn't yet ♪
♪ The spring ♪

FRANCES: That's a pretty song.

My son used to play it.

[CHUCKLES]

He could really sing.

FRANCES: I bet.

[SIGHS]

Oh. What's happening?

[HEATHER SIGHS]

DELILAH: Uh, this part
is completely optional.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

But I promise, you won't regret it.

[DELILAH SIGHS]

[DELILAH CHUCKLES]

♪ Nose up in the globes ♪

♪ You never know
If you are passing out ♪

♪ No it wasn't... ♪

Oh, Mom. You're naked. Okay.
[CARMEL LAUGHS]

- [CHUCKLES] It's beautiful!
- [WATER LAPPING]

- FRANCES: Here you go.
- CARMEL: Oh, you girls are wild!

[WATER SPLASHING]

[CHUCKLES]

'Gram-tastic.

What? Huh?

Instagram. It's not real
if you can't post it, right?

[CHUCKLES]

You strike me as more of
a Facebook lady.

- [CHUCKLES]
- [CHUCKLES] No, my kids

are like you, tragically...
[INHALES] ...addicted.

I'm sure if they saw your page,
they'd worship you.

[STAMMERS]

Uh, I'm really sorry

if I'm, like, misreading you at all.

But on the possibility
that I'm not, you can f*ck off.

Mom! J... just at
least t... turn... ang...

It's just a body. It's just flesh.

ZOE: Oh, God!

Frances?

Oh. No. [LAUGHS] Not a chance.

Between the chemical peels,
the collagen injections,

and all the other things
that I'm not going to admit,

I'm confident I have
single-handedly paid

for my esthetician's beach house.

This doesn't ever see the sun.

[LAUGHS] Okay.

Talk to me like that ever again...

And what? You'll f*ck me up?

You think you're the only one
who doesn't like being dismissed?

CARMEL: I haven't been dismissing you.

Yes, you have.

"Ooh. Gee. Ooh.

Ch... cheerleader!
Ooh, Instagram." Like, f*ck off!

[FOOTSTEPS RECEDING]

NAPOLEON: I don't ever think
I, uh, seen one before.

[LAUGHS] Well, there it is.

- What?
- Right there. See it?

NAPOLEON: I do. Avocado, ahoy!

BEN: Man, what the...

One.

YAO: Uh. It's still a little early in
the season.

TONY: What the f*ck? Are we on
some kind of reality show or something?

All right, what about the,
uh, apple orchard?

Uh, just buds.
But we got some blueberries,

some... some green ones.
It's a little early for them.

Hey, man. You said that there
was gonna be food out here.

There is. We just need to forage.

It's not meant to be easy, Tony.

Clearly not.

[SIGHS]

[DELILAH EXHALES]
Give in to the river, ladies.

She knows what she's doing.

ZOE: Oh, my God, Mom.

The full-frontal situation, really...

[EXHALES, CHUCKLES]
You used to run around naked

- all the time.
- Yeah, when I was five.

[PANTS] I love your body.

ZOE: Oh, my God. Who are you?

FRANCES: Carmel, can you spin me around?

I wanna see the other side of the river.

Oh. [PANTS, GRUNTS]

FRANCES: Oh, it's pretty!

NAPOLEON: Mm.
Oh, these are actually pretty good.

YAO: A lot of fat content in walnuts.

Rich in antioxidants and Omega- s.

I wanna go back to the lodge.
[PANTS] I need my medication.

When did you start taking oxy?
Was it to deal with the injury?

That would be none of your business.

Come on. You can tell us.

I mean, dipshit here
told us his deep, dark secret.

I did?

Yeah. That you're a dipshit.

Well, the Marconi
family drama has certainly been

on full display. That's for sure.

Yo, you know I saw you shatter
that knee like a hundred times.

Those highlight reels
they always play on ESPN,

the worst sports injuries,

you're right up there
with Joe Theismann.

Good times. Let's change the subject.

Let's talk about you, Ben.

Driving a Lamborghini.
What's your story?

I don't have one.

- I don't.
- Everybody has a story.

Especially the people
that claim otherwise.

Well, I'm sorry. Never been anything.

- Never done anything.
- LARS: How do you make your money?

I didn't.

I won the lottery.

- [LAUGHS]
- LARS: Whoa. Mm.

- Twenty-two million dollars.
- Phew! Wow!

BEN: I never did a f*cking thing.

I didn't plan on telling y'all that.

Sharing is contagious, Ben.

So, thank you for your honesty.
It's a big step.

Come on, you must've had a job, right?

I drove a catering truck.

I didn't make a lot of money,
but... it had meaning, you know?

Just simple tasks that make
people's day a little better.

LARS: Hmm.

Sounds stupid, but it mattered.

And poof.

I won the lottery,
everything else became moot.

No meaning. No matter.

Come on. You've still got Jessica.

At least for the time being.

What the f*ck is wrong with you, man?

Why you feel like
you always gotta stir sh*t up?

I was kidding. Sorry.

You know, the snide is getting old.

Ben had a genuine moment there,
a moment of real honesty.

And you just took a big,
fat sh*t all over it. Why?

BEN: Look, man, I appreciate it,
but I'm not asking anybody

to feel sorry for me.

I won the lottery, right?

I actually feel sorry for Lars.

[FIRE CRACKLING]

Okay, can we go now?

FRANCES: This is just the best feeling.

[CARMEL SIGHS]

This is the best thing I've ever felt

and I don't know why. [CHUCKLES]

Me, too. But my body keeps...

[CHUCKLES] ...wanting to bob up.

I also find that feelings
tend to bubble up in this pool.

Anybody have any feelings to share?

- I feel wonderful.
- [EXHALES] Me, too.

I feel more like myself,
which I haven't been today.

Would you like to expand
on that, Carmel?

How you haven't been feeling
like yourself?

I've been snapping at people.

And... Well,
Jessica told me to f*ck off.

So I suspect that
I did something to her, too.

Did I?

You dismissed me. I told you.
You've been...

you know, judging me. And...

About being a cheerleader,
and Instagram.

And you said,
"It's not real if I don't post it."

And that hit a nerve?

Yeah, 'cause it's true.

I check it first thing in the morning

to make sure people think I'm pretty.

It's pathetic.

Do you really not think
that you're pretty?

No.

How?

It's pretty noticeable.
I mean, my eyelids are, like,

drooping, and...

my thighs are too big,

and my stomach isn't flat enough,

my pores are huge, my hips are too big.

My hairline is wrong,

and these freckles won't f*ck off

no matter how much I laser
and it's... You know...

[CHUCKLES] ...this is a good day.

Wow, I feel so bad right now
for hating you some.

Well, my husband left me for,
um... a young woman.

So, sometimes when I see
pretty young women, you,

I just want to go... "Pow."

[LAUGHS] Right in the face.

I mean, I would never do it, honestly.

What? [CHUCKLES] You wanna
punch me in the face? [LAUGHS]

I'm... Well, I'm ashamed of it,
but... yes.

- [LAUGHS] Okay.
- [CARMEL LAUGHING]

[LAUGHS] That's cool.

Frances. What are you thinking?

I was just thinking I wish
I could write this all down.

It's awful. I have five
interesting women,

a beautiful setting,

and I'm not the least bit present.

I'm just recording it, you know,
for reference.

You're not... real people to me.

- Sorry, I...
- DELILAH: Hmm.

FRANCES: It's the sulfur.

[BLOWS RASPBERRY] I don't know
where that came from.

I have a question.

When was the last time
anybody here had sex?

- Mom.
- You don't have to answer.

- Have you had sex?
- Stop. Stop!

[CHUCKLES] It's just... I'm just asking

whether anybody here remembers.
'Cause I remember.

I know exactly the last time I had sex.

It was three years ago.

Oh, don't please. Please.

HEATHER: If I
had known it was gonna be the last time,

I'd have bothered
to remember the details.

- Oh, God.
- I suspect it was good,

because your father
is a brilliant lover.

As goofy as he is,
he... he can be all business.

I'm sure it was good.
Because sex is good. Isn't it?

DELILAH: Oh, sure.

It's just not possible
for me... anymore.

It might be for Napoleon.

I... I think he should have
an affair while we're here.

He could have an affair with you.

And you could write about it after.

DELILAH: Are you okay, Heather?

I... [SOBS] I'm wonderful.

[EXHALES] How could that possibly be?

♪

I'm not feeling well.

TONY: Join the club. [PANTS]
It's called malnutrition.

NAPOLEON: No. No, it's something else.

My head feels funny.

BEN: It's 'cause you're starving.
We all are.

I hear ringing.
Does anyone else hear ringing?

I thought you said there was gonna be
food out here to find.

- There is.
- Yeah? Well... well, when the f*ck, huh?

I mean, all the fruit is out of season

and all we've had was a...
A couple of walnuts,

which were f*cking disgusting.

We had a tiny little smoothie
like nine hours ago.

It's f*cking inhumane.

Tony. Just take a breath.

And enough
with the f*cking breath, okay?

We can't eat air.

[PANTS]

You, you got rations?

Me?

"Me." Yeah, you.

- You're the type to have a secret stash.
- Oh, right.

TONY: Yeah, yeah, you're definitely
the type to not share.

Oh.

Hi!

[BELL TOLLING]

You said the only thing

we're having for dinner tonight
is a smoothie?

Don't be ridiculous.

- Well...
- [RICHIE BLEATING]

...the rules are "whatever
we can forage," right, Yao?

[RICHIE BLEATING]

The ethical carnivore.

One must only eat
what one is prepared to k*ll.

Little protein don't sound so bad.

[RICHIE BLEATING]

- Have you all gone mad?
- Hey, baby.

- NAPOLEON: You have!
- It's all right.

Maybe after a little sustenance
we'll come to our senses.

Hey, girl.

Scusi.

I'll be back in a second, fellas.

- NAPOLEON: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- [RICHIE BLEATS]

- Are you kidding me?
- Tony!

- [RICHIE BLEATS]
- Stop him! Jesus!

- [GRUNTS] Tony! Tony!
- [RICHIE BLEATS]

TONY: Come here. Come on! [PANTS]

[PANTS, GRUNTS]

- [CROWD CHEERING]
- [TONY GRUNTS]

[TONY GRUNTS]

- [CROWD CHEERING]
- [REFEREE WHISTLING]

♪ Triumphant music playing ♪

Welcome back. How was your Earth day?

It was, uh, interesting.

Yeah?

No, actually, it was incredible.

[SIGHS] I feel strange.

[SCREAMS]

[GASPS]

TONY: Who's hungry for barbecue?

What the hell?

[BELL TOLLING]

Did you k*ll it?

Living off the land, baby.

- [TONY GROANS]
- FRANCES: Oh.

[TONY GRUNTS, PANTS]

Hmm.

You did this?

Well, the rule was whatever
we could forage out there.

[PANTS]

And there wasn't much out there.

How barbaric can you be?

She wanted us to be barbaric.
Didn't you?

I did. Yes.

Well-played.

- "Well-played?"
- You're okay with this?

I'm proud of you all.

The exercise was to live off the land.

Man as hunter and gatherer.

You have exceeded expectations.
Tonight, we're gonna celebrate.

We will have a... a grand banquet.

We will even have wine.

Why's she looking at me
when she says, "wine"?

See you all for dinner.

- Glory!
- FRANCES: I'm not eating that.

- How you doing?
- GLORY: Very good, thank you.

Well, I'll take my pill.
The real one, right f*cking now.

GLORY: Yeah. Of course.

- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- [TONY SIGHS]

[PANTS]

[MACHINE BEEPING]

[MASHA PANTING]

- [DOOR KNOCKS]
- It's me.

[SNIFFLES]

Come in.

- [MASHA SIGHS]
- You okay?

Yes. I'm fine. [CHUCKLES]

- YAO: I should've intervened.
- [MASHA SIGHS]

No. You did well.

It's the new protocol.
Uh, power, th... they all felt it.

Good.

That's good.

[CHUCKLES]

YAO: But I'm sorry.

Yao, you did nothing wrong.

For your loss, Masha.

I'm sorry for that.

[WHISPERS]: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[PANTS]

[SNIFFLES]

[SOBS]

♪ Upbeat music playing ♪

♪ For Sure by Future Islands playing ♪

♪ Perish the pain ♪

♪ I was impoverished
Those ties that wind ♪

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

♪ And stared into open lanes... ♪

[FRANCES GROANS]

Whoo.

- [IMITATES BLEAT] Frances!
- Oh, God.

Yeah, well, uh... What do you say?

I'm surviving, which is more
than I can say about the goat.

- Aw! Oh.
- I mean, I know it's hypocritical

'cause I eat meat, and do I own

quite a few exceptional
leather pieces? I do.

So, guilty. But, I mean,
to physically just do it is...

[CHUCKLES] Just when I thought

you were actually gonna be sweet.

Ah, well, there's your mistake
right there,

thinkin' I'm a nice guy.

[INHALES] You know, the big,
uh, word on the street

is that you were
a professional football player.

Is that true?

Yeah. Yeah, it wa... it... I was.

I was, yeah.

Is there any reason

that you never mentioned that to me?

Well, you never asked me.

- [FRANCES CHUCKLES]
- [CHUCKLES] So...

Well, I just assumed
you were in witness protection

or something like that,

so you couldn't talk about it anyway.

[CHUCKLES]

You know, your issue...

You gotta narrow it down for me.

[LAUGHS] The one about, uh,
you know, not being as great

as you used to be at something.

- That one I know.
- I... I get it.

I've been there, done that.

It sucks.

[SLURPS]

♪ I will never keep you
From an open door ♪

♪ I know... ♪

NAPOLEON: Oh, hey.

Your mom seems to be having fun.

- That's nice.
- Nice? Maybe.

Concerning? Definitely.

She could always dance, your mom.

I wasn't sure I'd ever see it again.

Something's up with Mom, Dad.

[NAPOLEON SIGHS]

She's turning a corner.

Everyone seems a little different today,

wouldn't you agree?

Anything you wanna tell me?

Only that we don't fool around.

Ah. Yeah, about that.

Um, seems that when we were out today,

somebody went into my room
and took some of my things.

Oh, really? Like what? An Apple Watch?

Things that record images and so forth,

things that you agreed to turn over?

I need them back. Now.

You know what you need, Lars?

You need a little puppy training.

Would you like that?

Want me to roll up a newspaper
and come to your room later?

Tempting.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

- NAPOLEON: Look at this.
- TONY: The goat, too.

NAPOLEON: That is...

That is a lot of meat.
[LAUGHS] Impressive.

TONY:
There's no such thing as white meat.

[SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]

Welcome.
Here is to a successful Earth Day.

I hear there was many
positive unearthings today.

Many truths were told.

Here's to revealing ourselves
and giving of ourselves.

- Hear, hear!
- TONY: I'm down.

To the truth, nothing but.

Would anyone else like to say
a blessing before we eat?

[CHUCKLES] What about
a eulogy for the goat?

He gave his life
so that we may rejoice tonight?

It's the least we can do.

I don't think the goat
was a willing participant.

He didn't give anything.
He was slaughtered.

I... I'll go.

MASHA:
Yes, Napoleon, please. Speak to us.

NAPOLEON: All right.

Leviticus .
Anybody, uh, remember that one?

When you, uh, sin,
mind you, unintentionally sin.

Leviticus : .

Honey? What...

Out there, uh, celebrating
the Earth, first I heard...

ringing, like bells...

in my head, in my ears. Bells.

Dad?

I'm saying grace, Zoe.

And then I heard it.

Leviticus : . Screaming...

"If his sin is made known to him,

"he shall bring for his offering...

"a goat.

"A male without defect.

"He shall lay his hand
on the head of the male goat...

"and slay it.

And offer it before the Lord."

Napoleon.

You know, the thing about su1c1de.

Uh, so often there are no signs.

There's hardly an inclination, even.

Especially with teenage su1c1de,

it can be the consequence of a,

uh, split-second decision.

An impulse as little as minutes
before it happens.

I mean, isn't that...
Isn't that incredible?

And here's the other thing.

su1c1de survivors often report
that their first thought

after they swallow the pills,

or jump, or cut themselves,

first thought, "My God,
what have I done?"

Sometimes if the attempt
is thwarted, the...

The suicidal thoughts,
they never even return.

Zach... was, uh...

uh, impulsive.

He was always so impulsive,
wasn't he, Zoe?

[GASPS] Uh, me and him,
we were up the night before.

We were watching The Royal Tenenbaums.

We really loved that movie. And, um,

we stayed up a little too late
watching it.

And, uh, that's... that's why I was...

I was tired the next morning.

And that's why I hit

the snooze button on my iPhone...

[SNIFFLES] ...when the alarm went off.

Instead I was woken up by your scream

after you found him two minutes
after he hung himself.

So, um, if I... if I...

if I had gotten up when I should have,

when my alarm went off,
if I'd gone into his room

and woke him up like I always do...

"Up and at "em, buddy."

You wouldn't be broken.
And, uh, you'd still sing in the shower.

You'd be celebrating your...

Your st birthday with your brother.

[ZOE SOBS]

I k*lled that goat.

If... I went to save him,
I grabbed him away from Tony,

and then, uh, Leviticus.

"He shall lay his hand
on the head of a male goat..."

[NAPOLEON GRUNTS]

"...and slay it,
and offer it before the Lord."

It's unintentional...
An unintentional sin.

[SOBS] If I had just gotten up.

[GROANS] If I had just gotten up.

[HEATHER SOBS]

God.

[CRIES]

[EXHALES]

[SNIFFLES]

Have you been medicating us?

♪ Running Red Lights
by The Avalanches playing ♪

♪ Wonder ♪

♪ Wonder ♪

♪ Running, running red lights
Red lights, red lights ♪

♪ I been running red lights
To get to you ♪

♪ Running, running red lights ♪

♪ Where you been Running all night ♪

♪ I been running red lights
Boom, boom, boom ♪

♪ Lights, lights, lights, lights
Lights, lights, lights, lights ♪

♪ I'm a thundercloud ♪

♪ Ready to burst Like Schrodinger ♪

♪ I'm crying in the car ♪

♪ An invalid ♪

♪ I'm off the grid
Hans is looking for Liesel ♪

♪ Living in Union Square ♪

♪ sh**t this rabid canine ♪

♪ Something's gone horribly wrong ♪

♪ Running, running red lights
Red lights, red lights ♪

♪ I been running red lights
To get to you ♪

♪ Running, running red lights ♪

♪ Where you been Running all night ♪

♪ I been running red lights
Boom, boom, boom ♪