02x17 - Sales Resistance

[bunniefuu]

There's a brand-new baby at our house

The nicest little gift we've ever had

How much fuller life's become

No one knows what makes it hum

Till you call each other Mommy and
Dad

There's a brand-new baby at our house

And though he's been there just a
little while

In the parlor, in the hall

Every picture on the wall

Seems to know because they all wear a
smile

I can't explain what he does to my
heart

With his infant charms

I never knew what heaven was

Till I held an angel in my arms

There's a brand-new baby at our house

He's twice as sweet as honey from the
comb

He's the image of my spouse, he's the
tricky Mickey Mouse

Who has changed our happy house to a
home

We thank the Lord

Whose love and wondrous powers

Gave us that brand-new

Grand-new

Baby of ours.

Oh, Ricky, that was wonderful.

That's great.

Rick, did you really write that song?

Yeah. I wrote it for Lucy.

I'm going to take it down to the
hospital

and play it for her.

See, I was recording it while I was
singing it.

Oh, isn't that clever?

Where did you get this thing?

Well, Lucy bought it to record the
baby's first words.

How could she buy it if she's in the
hospital?

Well, the lady in the next bed

is a salesman for the tape recorder
company.

What?

Yeah, no kidding.

This lady has a baby every year

We certainly do.

Remember that Handy Dandy Company?

Ay-yi-yi.

Oh, gee, I'll never forget

the expression on Lucy's face that
morning

when I brought the mail up to her.

Good morning, Lucy.

Hi.

What's the matter with you?

Oh, it's that Cuban sorehead I'm
married to.

I just had my weekly lecture about
spending too much money.

What'd he have to say this time?

I couldn't understand most of it.

All I could get was that pesos don't
grow on trees.

Well, it's over for another week.

I brought up your mail.

Good.

What's this?

Oh, no.

Oh, I don't want Ricky to know that I
bought this.

This is a kitchen gadget that I saw
demonstrated on television.

Where can I hide it?

How about the refrigerator?

That's a good idea.

He'd never look in there.

He'll never think of looking in here
in a million years.

No, I guess not.

There, you think that's safe?

Yeah, I think it's safe.

Ricky!

What's in the package you don't want
me to see?

Nothing.

Let me see the package.
Nothing.

Statue-of-liberty play, Ethel.

Okay.

Throw it here, Ethel!

Now, Ricky, give me that thing.

That's mine, Ricky.

Now, wait a minute.
Let me see.

Let's see what's in the package.

Let's see what's in the package.

What is it?

It's a Handy Dandy kitchen helper.

I saw it demonstrated on television.

It's a tremendous bargain

when you think of all the things you
can do with it.

How much is it?

Uh, it rices, dices, and splices.

Lucy, how much?

It cuts down on the time

that a housewife has to spend in the
kitchen.

How much?

About two hours a day.

Lucy...

$ . .

$ . !

Yeah, but you'd think it was cheap at
twice the price

if you saw all the things

the man does with it on television.

I watch him every day.
Here, I'll show you.

Ethel?
Yeah.

You'd better come down and let me see

what you want me to do with that
clothesline.

Just a minute. Come on in.

Lucy's going to give us a
demonstration.

Of what?

A woman's stupidity.

That shouldn't take very long.

All right, now you all stand over
there.

Now, ladies and gentlemen

I am about to demonstrate the Handy
Dandy kitchen helper.

It's something you shouldn't be
without.

It peels and splices, cuts and rices

skins and dices at lowest prices.

Now watch me closely, ladies and
gentlemen.

I will set the dial for French fries,

and then by turning this handle,

I will cut this potato into
identical slices.

Here we go.

Oh, I must have had it set for baked
potato.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I didn't have it right on French
fries.

That was it.

Here we go.

identical slices.

It looked so easy when the man did it
on television.

Oh, honey, maybe you just haven't got
the hang of it yet.

Well, I did what they told me.

Honestly, Fred, why is it that women

have no sales resistance whatsoever?

I don't know.
They'll buy anything.

Lucy doesn't know

the meaning of the word "no."

Ethel doesn't either.

Lucy is a sucker for any sales pitch.

Ethel is too.

Lucy and Ethel make me sick.

Now, honey, you, you must admit

that you'll buy anything that comes
along.

I'm no worse than you are.

How about that little purchase you
made

at the w*r surplus store?

That was a necessary item.

Oh, sure. You never know

when you're going to use a -foot
rubber life raft.

What are you laughing at, fatso?

You're just as bad.

What are you talking about?

Now, look, look, look.

The fact is that you've just thrown
eight dollars

down the drain for... this.

$ . , and it isn't down the drain.

I got it on a three-day free trial.

If I don't want it, I just call them
up

and tell them to take it back.

Well, then call them up.

No.

Lucy, either you're going to call
them up

and tell them to take it back,

or I'm going to use it to demonstrate
how to cut a wife

into identical slices.

Really?

Mrs. Ricardo?

Yes?

I'm Harry Martin of the Handy Dandy
Company.

Oh, yes, I've been expecting you.

Won't you come in, please?

Mr. Martin, this Handy Dandy kitchen
helper does not work

and I have it on a three-day free
trial and I don't want it.

You'll have to take it back.
Gladly.

It isn't any good, and I'm not going
to pay for it.

Of course you're not.

I see no reason why I should...

What'd you say?

I said of course you're not going to
pay for it.

We don't want you to keep any
merchandise

that you're not happy with.

You don't?

No, of course not,

and you're quite right not to want
that.

Why, that isn't a wise buy at all.

In fact, Mrs. Ricardo,

I wouldn't let you keep this dreadful
little gadget

even if you begged me to.

I'm glad you didn't want that.

That shows me that you're a woman of
judgment and taste.

Really?

Yes, indeed.

When you opened that door, I said to
myself, I said,

"Harry, there stands a woman of
judgment and taste."

Is that so?

Mm-hmm.

Mrs. Ricardo, you have no idea

of the inferior type of humanity

that I have to contend with in my
profession.

Why, you just wouldn't believe

some of the women that I have to talk
to.

They... they have no intelligence at
all.

My goodness.

Mm-hmm.

Why, just this morning, I ran in...

Say, I'll bet I'm keeping you

from something important.

Oh, no, no. Not at all.

Well, I find you're such an easy
person to talk to

and, I don't know, I'd just like to
get this off my chest.

Oh, well, go right ahead.

May I tell you about what happened to
me this morning?

Certainly.

Thank you, thank you.

Now, you just pretend

that you're this woman I'm calling
on, eh?

All right.

Just stay right there.

What's that?

I also represent

the Handy Dandy vacuum cleaner.

Oh.

So this morning when the woman opened
the door

and I threw the dirt on the floor,

just like I did now

and then I handed her a ten-dollar
bill,

just like this, you see,

and then I said to her

I said, "Madam, that ten-dollar bill,

"that sawbuck, that one-tenth of a
C-note

"is all yours if this Handy Dandy
vacuum cleaner

"fails to clean up all this dirt

in less than two minutes flat."

I said that to her, see?

And then I, uh...
I took

my Handy Dandy vacuum cleaner

and I... I plugged it in...
like this,

and then I...
went right to work.

That's funny.

Oh, this plug is controlled by this
switch.

So's that light, see?

Oh, I see.

Go.

seconds.

My!

That was fast.

Yes, it was, wasn't it?

But do you know that woman was angry
with me?

About what?

Because I threw dirt on her floor.

But you cleaned it right up

with your wonderful Handy Dandy
vacuum cleaner.

Yes, yes, of course I did, but she
was still angry

and do you know what she did next?

What?

Why, when I told her

that this Handy Dandy vacuum cleaner

and the attachments

that it sold for $ . for the works,

why, that shortsighted, narrow-vision
female

did not even have the intelligence to
buy one.

What a dope.

Well, it shows you

what you've got to put up with.

I'm glad you let me get that off my
chest.

Mr. Martin...
did you say, uh, . ?

That's right.

And, uh, now I think I'll have to
go...

Mr. Martin, aren't you going to give
me

a chance to buy one of those?

Oh, Mrs. Ricardo,

when I told you about this other
woman,

I didn't mean to get you to buy...

Oh, but Mr. Martin, our sweeper is so
outdated.

It's old, it doesn't work right or
anything

and we really do need one of those.

Well, as a matter of fact, I...

I was bringing this little gem home

as a present for my wife, but...

Oh...

Well, I don't know.

I suppose if you really need one.

Oh, we do, we do.

You talked me into it.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Martin.

Thank you.

Uh... five,

six,

seven,

eight...

Mm-hmm.

Let's see... .
Is that right?

That's the price...

for the works.

Now that you own the works

don't you think that you would like

this nice gray metal cover

to keep it from getting dirty?

But didn't I just buy the...?

You bought the most important part--

yeah, the... the works.

Now, there are

a few more little accessories,

like, like the hose, and the electric
cord

and the attachments there.

Gee, that must run into quite a bit
of money.

No, no, no, not at all.

This, this electric cord, for
instance,

is only five dollars.

Five dollars?!

Well, it's extra long.

Oh.

And, uh...
the attachments, uh...

are $ . .

$ . ?

Apiece.
Oh.

And then there's a utility lamp...

Oh?

there's a carrying case for the
cleaner...

Oh?

carrying case for the attachments...

Oh?

there's a switch that turns it on and
off...

Hi, Lucy.

Did the man take back the kitchen
helper?

Did you have any trouble with him?

What's the matter with...?

Lucy, did you buy all this stuff from
him?

Oh, Lucy, I thought you

were going to have sales resistance
from now on.

What happened?

I don't know.

Right after he took back the kitchen
helper,

everything went black.

Oh?

When the lights came on again,

I was short $ . .

$ . for just this?

No. For a bonus, he threw in the
kitchen helper.

That was nice of him.

For a dollar and a half.

What a salesman he must be!

Yeah, but this is really a wonderful
machine

and it just works beautifully.

Turn on the switch and I'll show you.

Okay.

What's this one for, Lucy?

Lucy?

Try this one, Lucy.

Ay, yi, yi, yi...

That's Ricky! That's Ricky!

I don't want him to see this stuff.

Help me hide it.

Hide it?
Yeah.

Oh.
He can't see this.

Aren't you going to tell him you
bought all this?

Someday, yes, when we're old and
grey, but not now.

Where will I put it?

In the closet.

In the closet?

Ay, yi, yi, yi

Canta y no llores

Porque cantando se alegran, cielito
lin...

Hello.

Oh, look. Here's Ricky.

Hi, Ricky.

Hello, Ricky.

Good-bye, Ricky.

Well, she's in a hurry.

Yeah.

Oh, I'll hang it up for you, dear.

Oh, thank you.

What did you do today?

Why do you ask that?

I always ask that.

Oh, yeah.

That's right.

Uh, nothing much.

It's dark in here.

Oh...

What's that?

What's what?

That.

What?

That.

Oh, that. That's me.

What?!

My stomach's growling.

It's been growling all day.

Now, Lucy, you know darn well

you're not making that noise.

It sounds like a vacuum cleaner.

Where's it coming from?

Oh, that sound.

Oh, Ethel must be cleaning her rugs.

All right, Ethel, break it up down
there!

That's all.

There. I guess she's finished.

Whoops. Not quite.

Ricky?

What?

Kiss me?

After I see what's at the end of this
cord.

All right?

You'd better kiss me now if you're
ever going to.

Lucy, what is this?

Oh, darn. You found your Christmas
present.

"The Handy Dandy vacuum cle... "

Oh, no. Lucy, you didn't!

Yeah, I sort of did, I guess.

Okay, come on.

Call the man.
Tell him to take it back.

No.

Come on.

You'll be sorry.
Why?

'Cause he'll probably sell me

a Handy Dandy bulldozer.

Never mind.

But Ricky, Ricky, really, he does
sell other things,

and you know how I am.

Yes. I know only too well.

Now, look, you're going to call him
back

and you're going to get rid of that
vacuum cleaner

and you're going to get your money
back, understand?

Oh, yes.

Lucy?

I'm taking it back this afternoon!

Oh...

I thought you were Ricky.

Oh. Are you really going to take it
back?

Yeah. I was just having one last
sweep for the road.

Oh, gee, Ethel, I don't dare call Mr.
Martin.

I'm absolute putty in his hands.

Obviously.

Why did I buy that thing anyway?

Why did you?

I couldn't resist it.

Hey... if I couldn't resist it

maybe someone else won't be able to.

You mean you're going try to sell it
to somebody else?

Sure, I could sell it.

I remember everything Mr. Martin said
and did.

Don't look at me.

Oh, I'm going to start on the next
block

and I'm going to keep going until I
unload this monster.

Good afternoon, madam.

Are you the lady of the house?

Yeah.

Hey! What are you doing?

Madam, that ten-dollar bill, that
sawbuck,

that one-tenth of a C-note is all
yours

if my Handy Dandy vacuum cleaner

fails to clean up that mess in two
minutes flat.

You mean this ten dollars is mine if
you don't pick up

all that dirt in two minutes flat?

That's right.

Let's see, now.

Here we are.

That's funny.

I can't imagine why it doesn't work.

I can. The electricity is turned off.

What?

We didn't pay our bill.

Oh, no.

Why didn't you tell me?

You didn't ask me.

Oh, dear.

I'm sorry I made such a mess on your
floor.

I don't know how you're going to
clean it up.

I do.

Ew...

Where can she be, Ethel?

It's so late.

I don't know.
Maybe she had to call

on more houses than she thought she
would.

Well, there's nothing to worry about.

She's prob...
Shh! I hear somebody.

Lucy!

What happened?

You'll be glad to know, Ricky,

that there are plenty of women in
town

with sales resistance.

Couldn't you sell the vacuum cleaner?

Oh, you poor little thing.

Come on, honey, and sit down.

Here. Sit there.

I'll take your shoes off.

That will help.

Lucy, where's your other shoe?

Stuck in the door at East th
Street.

Oh, dear.

I was kicked downstairs, bitten by a
dog

and chased three blocks by a
policeman

that wanted to see my peddler's
license.

One more hour, they'd have reported

the death of another salesman.

Now, honey, I'm sorry

that you had to go through all of
that

but you know it's your own fault.

Why didn't you call Mr. Martin like I
told you to do?

Oh, sure.

Well, I'll call him.

What's his number?

It's right there on the pad.

Okay.

Oh, Fred, I don't know what these
women would do

without us men getting them out

of all these messes that they get
into.

I don't either.

Hello, Mr. Martin.

This is Ricky Ricardo.

Look. You sold my wife a vacuum
cleaner yesterday.

Yes. That's right.

Well, uh, we decided not to keep it
after all.

So we'd like you to come back tonight

and take it back.

: ? Yes, that will be fine.

Thank you very much. Good-bye.

There. You see how simple it was?

Ricky, you shouldn't have him come
over here.

You don't know what he's like.

He'll say that he'll take it back,

but he'll sell you something else.

Oh, nonsense.

Well, I'm not going to be here.

I'm going to a movie.

Come on, Ethel, let's get out of
here.

Okay.
I'm going to get cleaned up.

Have you ever seen anything like
that?

Never in my life.

You take my advice.

You put that vacuum cleaner out in
the hall,

lock the door and sit here in the
dark.

Hi.

Oh, hi. How was the movie?

Fine.

Did, uh... Mr.
Martin get here?

Yeah. He was here.

Did he take back the vacuum cleaner?

Of course he did.

He had no trouble at all.

Oh?

As a matter of fact, he paid me a
great compliment.

He said I was a man of great judgment
and real taste.

Oh.

And not only that, but he said he
didn't blame me in the least

for not buying such an inferior
product.

Uh-oh.

What happened then?

Nothing.

Come on.

Nothing.

Come on.
Where is it?

Ethel, guess what?

We have a new Handy Dandy
refrigerator.

Oh, Ricky, I'm glad

you don't have any sales resistance
either.

Aw, Lucy.

You get all the breaks.

Nobody could sell ol' Fred anything.

Oh, no?

Oh?

Fred?

Come on down and see

your Handy Dandy washing machine.