05x15 - Young & Mexico Part 1

[bunniefuu]

Isn't it crazy how great life is?

(MUFFLED RESPONSE)

I had the most amazing morning
with Josh, an amazing afternoon,

and then we watched the sun set
over the bay. Sofia, it was...

Amazing?

Yeah.

But enough about me. How was work?

Didn't go.

- Are you sick?
- Nope.

Uh, is it a holiday?

It is for me.

Oh my god! Happy Cinco De Mayo!

It's not Cinco De Mayo,
it's not even Mayo!

Oh. Okay, then why are you
sitting here all depressed?

You seriously have no idea?

Ahh! Sofia, come on, just tell me!

I have to shower and change and
pack, I'm spending the weekend...

It's my birthday.

Taking my best friend on a vacation!

What? Where?

Uh...

Italy?

Uhh!

- Mexico?
- Sí!

(LAUGHS) Look at your face!

You totally thought I forgot! I
was all, "Happy Cinco De Mayo!"

And you were like, "It's not even Mayo!"

Damn, I wish I was
videoing you right now

so you could see how tricked you look!

Ooh! Where are we staying?

- In Mexico!
- Yay! (LAUGHS)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

♪ She in the spotlight ♪

♪ And she turn my head ♪

♪ She run a red light ♪

♪ 'Cause she bad like that ♪

♪ I like that ooh, baby, ooh, baby ♪

♪ Baby, I like that
ooh, baby, ooh, baby ♪

Thank god it's Friday!

Only six more hours

of pretendin' to work!

(DOORBELL RINGING)

I... got it!

(CHUCKLES EXCITEDLY)

Oh, sweet, you got Yolanda a pizza.

It's a Brunell, it's a painting.

And it's the best three million dollars

I've ever spent.

Sorry the tip does not reflect

the value of the item.

Three million bucks on one painting?

Oh, I got to see what
you blew your money on.

Let's open that sucker up!

No! No, no, no, no, Gabi and I

have this whole thing planned.

After my Lasik eye surgery

tomorrow, she's gonna nurse me

back to health.

Then we're gonna open this

together, so I can view

the two most beautiful things
in my life.

My Gabi... and my Brunell.

Well, I'd like to view

the two most beautiful things

in my life, but your jeans
aren't tight enough.

Ohh.

Hey, guess what I'm doing this weekend?

I am spending the entire weekend...

At my bedside, taking care
of me after my surgery.

Hell, yeah, I am,

'cause you're gonna need help

'cause of your operation,

'cause I am your girlfriend
and that's...

You forgot about
my laser eye surgery tomorrow.

Ha-ha! Look at your face!

Damn, I wish I was videoing you

right now, so you could see

how tricked you look!

Okay, yes, I forgot.

We had the entire weekend planned!

I know, but if it makes you
feel any better,

I totally forgot Sofia's th birthday,

and you should've seen her face,
Josh, she looked so hurt.

Hmm. Did it look anything like this?

Well, hers is more hurt,
yours is more mad.

Which is why I'm so, so sorry.

Look, I... I really gotta spend
this weekend in Mexico with Sofia.

Okay, now that's a hurt. Ooh!

Mexico? Then who's gonna
take care of me all weekend?

Um...

I'm really sorry, I'll just
tell her we'll go next weekend.

BOTH: Yes!

You don't have to change your plans.

BOTH: No!

You are the sweetest boyfriend
in the entire world.

Oh, can I ask you for,
um, one more favor,

it's kinda the reason I came in early?

- You were an hour late.
- Early for me.

What?

It's a super long drive
to Mexico, so can I leave now?

I was gonna ask for the jet, but
I don't wanna take advantage.

Oh my god, is this gorgeous or what?

When I called, three
months ago, they said

this was the best time
to come to Mexico,

so that's why I booked it
when I called three months ago.

Oh, I'm sorry, were you talking to me?

Because for the past nine hours

in the car you were
on the phone with Josh.

Oh, was it that much?

- Mm-hm.
- I'm really sorry.

The only reason I kept calling him

is because he was so mad at... himself,

for... forgetting that I told him

I was going away this
weekend for your birthday.

But, doesn't matter
anymore, because now I

can devote every second of this vacation

to you.

- So, go relax, I'll check us in.
- Fine. I'm gonna go pee.

Hi. I'm checking in for Gabi Diamond.

Ah, yes, you called yesterday.

Shh, shh! No, no, I confirmed
yesterday, I called three months ago!

No, you didn't.

I remember you begging and crying...

Okay, I'm sorry, does "Shh" mean
something different in Spanish?

Because in English,
it means "Please help me,

I forgot my best friend's birthday.

Okay, now here is my credit card,
and, uh, if it gets declined,

please don't cut it in half.

(CLEARS THROAT)

(LINE TRILLING)

(PHONE RINGING)

Hi.

Hi. I'm just calling to tell you

that I can't call you anymore. I have

to make this weekend all about Sofia.

But she went to go pee,
so I have a little

extra time to tell you that I miss you,

and I am so sorry one more time.

I miss you, too. But it'll be fine.

Elliot and Yolanda just
came over, and you

know how they love taking care of me.

Love it.

But, uh, I'll just...
I'll see you when you get back.

Or not, not sure if you know, but
they're sh**ting a laser into my eye!

You're gonna be fine, you just need
something to help calm you down.

Go look through Yolanda's purse.

(LAUGHS) You know, this is why
I love you, because you always

seem to make me feel better.

You know?

Ohh. I wish I was there, too.
But I have to be here,

and I have to make this weekend
all about Sofia.

Because if she ever forgot my birthday,

I would think she was a total bitch.

SOFIA: You bitch!

Gotta go.

I knew it. I had a feeling
you forgot in the apartment.

Who forgets
their best friend's birthday?

What? I said, if... if you forgot my

birthday, not that I
forgot your birthday.

Oh, really? Okay, Marisol, when
did she make this reservation?

- Don't say anything, Marisol.
- Dime, Marisol.

Don't dime, Marisol,
don't you dare dime.

You know what? You don't have to tell
me when she made this reservation.

I know when you did it.
You did it last night.

Correcto.

Okay, look, I forgot.

- But it's only because I...
- You're selfish.

You only think about you and your
boyfriend, and you didn't even wanna

be here with me.

What? Where did you get that?

I just heard you tell Josh.

Did you even pee?

Look, I only said that
to make him feel better

because I forgot his eye surgery.

You know what made me feel better?

The fact that you remembered
my birthday,

and that you planned this amazing trip,

and that you finally wanted
to spend some time with me,

but it turns out you didn't.

Yes, I did!

Is that why you were
FaceTiming with Josh

the entire ride over here?

Gabi, like, you don't think that I
wanna do that with my boyfriend?

But I would never do that to you, and,

also, oh yeah, I don't have a boyfriend.

Or a best friend.

It's my th birthday and I have no one.

Get up, get up! (KICKING COUCH)

What? What?

Where am I?

You're in Mexico, in my lobby,
where you slept the whole night

because your best friend hates you.

Oh, yeah. It's all coming back to me.

What am I gonna do?

Well, this is just off the top
of my head, but, why don't you

make it up to her by giving
her the perfect day!

Wow! Scuba diving,
ziplining, horseback riding,

jet skiing, (GASPS) tequila tasting!

- Mm-hm.
- Wow, this is perfect.

- Mm-hm.
- How much for everything?

Well, it's hard
to put a price on friendship,

but... $ .

I'm sleepin' on your frickin' lobby
couch, you think I can afford that?

Ugh!

Now you're sad. This moves me.

How about, you make it
a day at the beach!

Huh? With a nice handwoven blanket,
some sombreros and sunglasses,

and a nice bottle of tequila.

All for the low price of...
How much do you have in cash?

- Twenty-two dollars.
- Twenty-two dollars!

Juancarlo!

Juancarlo, the señorita would like to buy
some birthday presents for her friend.

So how about some blankets, right?
Or maybe some, uh, sombreros?

Or some nice sunglasses?

Do you see anything
your friend might like?

That depends. Do you have a girlfriend?

- No.
- Then yes.

No, seriously, Elliot, it was so scary.

Okay, Josh. They sh*t
a laser in your eye.

Okay, let's take off your shoes.

Great. Now your pants.

Elliot? They gave me Xanax,
not a roofie.

If I need anything...

(RINGING BELL)

I will my ring my bell.

Sounds perfect.

Mm. Mm, mm, mm, mm. Check out this
get well pasta Gabi left for Josh.

You want cheese on the half
I stole for you?

Make it happen, bitch!

(LAUGHING)

You know what gets me?

Uh...

Damn, this is good.

Josh can afford
a three-million-dollar painting,

but he can't afford to hire
someone to take care of him

for two frickin' days?

What the hell does a...

This is good...

Three-million-dollar painting
look like anyway?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Josh said do
not open that until he can see it!

But I'm bored!

Ooh! It's a nude!

Ew, it's a she-nude!

Well, you know what would make

this three-million-dollar
painting more interesting?

A thousand-dollar bottle...
of champagne!

Make it happen, bitch!

See? This is why I'm gay.

I almost can't eat.

Almost.

- (CORK POPPING)
- (GASPS)

My pasta!

The Brunell!

How can we blame this on Gabi?

Hey, Sofi... Hey, wait a minute.

Why do you have your luggage?

Because I'm checking out.
And going home.

And never believing
anything you say ever again.

(BELL RINGS)

Okay, come on, Sofia,
it's your birthday weekend.

I mean, do you really
wanna drive in a sweaty car,

for nine hours when you could be
spending a beautiful day at the beach,

sipping tequila, and getting serenaded

with a (LOUDER) "Happy Birthday Song"?

I am not in the mood
for tequila, or the beach,

and I'm certainly
not in the mood for a...

(STRUMMING GUITAR)

Well, maybe one song.

♪ Feliz cumpleaños a ti
Feliz cumpleaños a ti ♪

♪ Feliz cumpleaños querida Sofia
Maria Consuela Rafaella Rodriguez ♪

♪ Feliz cumpleaños a ti ♪

I am Juancarlo Rodriguez.

Please God, don't let us be related.

Beautiful and funny.

- (SOFIA LAUGHS)
- And now I am angry.

I'm sorry. I don't know
what I did, but I'm sorry.

No, I'm angry that I have
to go back to the beach

to sell my souvenirs.

Can I buy you a drink later?

Wait! Wait, wait, wait, no, no!

I... I will sell your
souvenirs, because,

I love you so much, Sofia,
and I will do anything

for you, including selling souvenirs.

Okay? So, I love you. Happy Birthday,
my still best friend, I hope.

And they say we take all their jobs.

Let us toast to your friend, who
gave us this time together.

I actually will toast to her
because I like her now.

I like her friend more.

I want to know everything about you.

Okay. (QUICKLY) I was born in Fort
Lauderdale years and two days ago,

my parents are Dominican,
I have a business

degree from the University of Florida,

go Gators. And I've never sat
across from anyone so beautiful.

Oh, and my favorite food is cereal.

We have something in common.

You like cereal too?

I too, have never sat across
from anyone so beautiful.

(GIGGLING)

Can I ask you something?

Anything.

Did Gabi pay for you?

Because I'm totally cool if she
did, um, I just need to know.

No, I make my money
selling things on the beach.

And I also perform from time to time.
Like right now.

(GIGGLING)

♪ Sofia bonita mi chica favorita ♪

♪ When the moon lights her hair ♪

♪ Los hombres will stare ♪

♪ At the girl from Fort Lauderdale ♪

♪ Sofia, Dominican
queen, Florida Gator ♪

May I kiss you?

- May I?
- Oh, you're asking. (LAUGHS)

I thought it was part of the song. Yes.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

I can't believe you got it
all out! What did you use?

Well, I started off with club soda.

Then I realized I needed
somethin' stronger.

- What?
- Vodka.

Well, that explains the olive.

Oh, damn. You missed a spot.

Oh.

(ELLIOT GASPS)

Got it.

JOSH: Hey, guys? Where's my bell?

I thought it was on the table.

Good luck, bitch.

Josh! What are you doin' outta bed?

Well, my vision's kinda
comin' back, I mean,

things are still a little
blurry, but I can get around.

- Hmm.
- Oh!

Did you guys set up my Brunell so
it'd be the first thing I see?

- Uh...
- You guys are the best!

Uh, I thought you wanted your vision

to be perfect before you saw this!

Yeah, I di... I did, but I can't wait!

Oh my damn! Oh my damn!

Oh my god!

This is incredible!

Oh my damn!

Uh, Josh, you know what? You
should go get some more rest.

Yeah, you know what? You're right.

- Wait!
- What?

See how the eyes seem to
follow you across the room?

That's how you know it's a Brunell.

Here. It's on the house.
Congratulations.

For what?

I think your friend forgives you.

I walked by her room, and
I heard her forgiving you

multiple times.

Oh... thank you, God.

Yeah, like that, but louder.

Say it again. Say it again!

- Florida Gators.
- Ahh. (LAUGHS)

Juancarlo, thank you for
making this the best birthday

I've ever had.

And ever will have.

I have a gift for you.

I made it while you slept.

If you put it to your ear,

you can hear me whisper,
"Te quiero, mi amor."

I hear it.

(SLURPING NOISE)

Gabi... I love you. And a
little bit I hate you.

Wait a minute, after this, you're still

mad at me for forgetting your birthday?

No, I'm mad at you for giving
me a gift I have to return.

Oh! I forgot my cell phone in my room.

I need it so I can FaceTime you
when I'm home!

I finally have someone to FaceTime!

Ah! Juancarlo.

You totally saved the día.

And you are gonna be so happy with me

because I sold...

everything!

Well, except for this puppet.

No one ever buys the puppet!

Wow! You're amazing!

Gabi, thank you so much.

You introduced me to the most
incredible woman I have ever met.

And now, with this money,
I can afford to buy a data plan

to FaceTime with Sofia
for a whole month.

Wait, why... why only a month?

Judging by what I just saw, she's
gonna want a lot more time than that.

Maybe I can stretch it out for two

months if I can sell that damn puppet.

Gabi, what does it mean
when Sofia says I am her Josh?

Oh... oh my god. This is so sad.

Sofia's gonna miss you so much.

I mean, I wish we could just pack you

up in our car and take you with us.

You're so lucky that you get
to see your boyfriend soon.

When we cross this border in feet,
I will never see Juancarlo again.

Hm. You don't know that.

Oh, come on, Gabi, you know how it goes.

You meet someone
on vacation, you have a fling,

he gives you flowers, a necklace,
the best orgasm you've ever had,

and then you go home
and never see each other again.

Hm.

Maybe you will.

Why do you keep talking like that?

Like what?

Forget it.

Well, it's almost our turn.

Adios, Juancarlo.

Yes. Adios, Juancarlo.

Hm. You know, I don't
remember all these border

patrol guys with, like,
g*ns and angry dogs

and stuff when we came in.

- What's all that about?
- (SCOFFS)

Well, it's a lot easier to get
into Mexico than to get out.

That's why the line's
so long. They check every car.

They do?

Yeah. Relax, Gabi,
we have nothing to hide.

Unless you're smuggling something.

(LAUGHS)

I don't know how I did it, but I did it.

He won't notice a thing.

Behold, my masterpiece.

What the hell is that?

What?

Sure, I didn't

nail the eyebrows,

but doesn't it

look like the original?

Oh, we're screwed!

And I just leased a new Buick!

JOSH: Hey, guys! Guess who has
twenty-twenty vision again?

Quick! Plan B!

And I cannot wait

to see my Brunell... Oh!

Oh, no!

Your mint condition painting!

Oh, honey!

You slipped and fell.

Maybe you're... you're still
a little disoriented.

Oh, man.

I feel so stupid.

Well...

I guess we need to call
the insurance company.

It's insured?

Yeah. Remember when I bought it,

I asked you to get it insured?

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Ahh!

Time to drown my sorrows.

Yolanda, will you get me
that thousand-dollar bottle

of champagne out of the fridge?

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Wahh!

Well, at least I have the pasta

Gabi made for me.