03x02 - Yeah, Maybe

[bunniefuu]

Lowell, how could your wife leave a man

that makes biscuits this fluffy?

When you move into your own place,

don't bother getting a bed,
just make a giant one of these.

Cooking for you guys
is the least I can do.

You took me in at my darkest hour,

when my soul was shattered
and all hope was lost.

(OVEN TIMER DINGS)

That's the frittata.

We have never eaten like this before.

Uh, we cook for you every day.

I stand by what I said.

Hey, honey, you know what I realized?

We've been working together for a week.

Today is our one week workaversary.

Oh, wow, yeah.

Uh, I got you something.

I'm just waiting on a tracking number.

Oh, come on. Seriously, this is big.

I mean, I think we're past the
bumpy getting used to it phase

and on to smooth sailing.

Toot, toot!

Today's Mommy's big day to
show us the sample finishes

that she picked out for the flip house.

- What's a sample?
- What's a finish?

What's a flip house?

The house we've been fixing up to sell.

We've been talking about it for weeks.

You know, we listen to
all your boring stories.

Mr. 45 Minutes on what
happened in some video game.

All right, come on. We better get going.

- Oh, Lowell, do you need a ride to work?
- I'll meet you there.

I have to stop by the grocery
store to pick up buttermilk

for Fried Chicken Friday.

Now that's a wife.

I hope Lowell never leaves.

No, no, no, no. We...

We want our friend to
get his confidence back,

move into his new apartment
and start his new life.

Sure, just as long as it's
after Fried Chicken Friday.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Ha, ha. You were quiet,
you thought we'd forget

to take you to school.
Come on, let's go.

ANDI: So,

that's the kitchen.

Crisp, elegant, a world above.

I got that from a vodka commercial,

but y-you get my point.

I love it.

This is like one of those kitchens

the lady on Fixer Upper would make.

(EXHALES)

Her name is Joanna Gaines,
and that is the nicest thing

you've ever said to me.

Well, what are you thinking, Don?

To be honest, I was thinking
about Lowell's biscuits.

He loves it. Alright, so, uh,

all we have left is the backsplash?

Yeah, yeah. I'm thinking,
let's blow people's minds

with this gorgeous Peruvian tile.

Eh, that stuff's expensive.

Okay? I'm thinking we need something

a little less Peruvian, a
little more Home Depot-vian.

- (SIGHS)
- And you know, I've checked

the comps for this neighborhood,

and they don't support
high-end finishes.

Values in this neighborhood
are up ten percent.

Buyers are gonna be looking
for something more custom.

Maybe, maybe, but that's a gamble.

Okay? And last time we gambled,

you got pregnant for the third time.

Guys, can I say something?

I don't even remember
eating the last biscuit.

All right, look. Okay, we
both have some good points,

so it's a tie.

But at work, tie goes to
the boss, so the answer's no.

But it's imported.

No.

Artisan.

No.

That means hand-painted.

Oh. Well, then, no.

Wow.

Three no's. (CHUCKLES)

That's a lot of no's.

Oh, come on, honey.

You're not gonna get mad just
because I said no to some tile?

Well, no, it's not the no,
it's just, you had a tone.

I had a tone?

Yeah. "Tie goes to the boss"?

I mean, who says that?

The boss.

Okay. You know what? I'm a professional.

I can handle it.

Great.

(LAUGHS) Don't touch me.

Come on.

I thought we were smooth sailing.

Toot, toot.

You should go with the nice tile,

'cause this might be
where you're living now.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Thanks for coming to pick us up.

Andi's still mad about that tile,

so she drove herself and
my truck keys to work.

It was a very quiet dinner last night.

If I can't win her over
with my Beef Wellington,

you know Mama's cranky.

Well, it got worse
when we went upstairs.

She made me watch Sex
and the City reruns.

That is the longest I've gone

without laughing in my entire life.

You and Andi are creating
a hostile work environment.

I may need a couple weeks off.

The problem is, Andi's not
used to me saying no to her.

You say it to us all the time.

That's because you guys are men,

and you understand that
no is the end of it.

But women are stronger
than us. They don't give up.

That's why they give birth.

We'd be like, oh, forget
it, just leave it in,

I'll loosen my seatbelt.

Like how my wife wouldn't
take no for an answer

when she asked if she
could sleep with other men.

Lowell, your thing is not
like other things, okay?

When Andi and I were first
married, I said no a lot.

But then I noticed
something: it didn't work.

Do you think I said yes to this?

Huh?

A giant painting of a tricycle?

I said no to her 20 times,
but she asked me 21 times,

Why a tricycle? I don't get it.

So when she hears a no from
you, it's a shock to the system.

Right, right. And now that I'm her boss,

I'm gonna have to say
no to her all the time.

Marcy hates it when I say no.

So whenever she brings up
something I disagree with,

I just say "Yeah, maybe."

"Yeah, maybe"?

Yeah. It's like a softer version of no.

I can't say a real no to her.

She'll rip my arms off.

And I need my arms. That's
where I keep my hands.

And that works?

Every time.

She feels like I'm thinking about it...

which I'm not... time passes,

and then it just goes away.

I'll be in the truck.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Am I crazy, or did he
just say something helpful?

I'm as stunned as you are.

"Yeah, maybe." Huh.

Next time Andi brings up
the tile, I'm using that.

I can't sleep when we're fighting.

Okay? Usually I'm the big spoon
and she's the little spoon.

But you can't cuddle
with an angry spoon.

That's just a fork.

Oh, hey, Andi. You okay?

Ugh, I've been all over town
trying to find a cheaper tile

that'll work, but I know that
the one I picked is perfect.

And then, I got so distracted
thinking about how right I was,

that I drove onto the
front lawn of the library.

Maybe let Adam have this one.

In the marriage book I'm
reading, a little late...

I said it before you could...

they say the best gift you give yourself

is the one you give your partner.

Yeah, I'm not doing that.

I mean, this is my first big idea

for Burns Brothers, you know?

And how we handle this is gonna decide

how we handle everything else.

I don't know, the tile

is a great idea Adam
hasn't recognized yet.

Ugh, husbands are weird.

Last night, Don handed me
a bunch of biscuit crumbs

from his pocket and asked
me to reverse engineer it.

Like Jurassic Park, he said.

(SCOFFS) You know, when
we were first married,

- I had to convince Adam of everything.
- Oh.

But you know, I'd just keep
explaining how what I wanted

was a good idea until
he realized he was wrong.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Like that tricycle painting.

He didn't want it, and now,

he loves it as much as I do.

Are you sure he loves it?

Oh, yeah. (LAUGHS): Okay?

I mean, sometimes I
catch him staring at it,

shaking his head, wondering
how he could've been so wrong.

You'll wear him down eventually.

- I believe in you.
- I don't have time.

I mean, every day we own that
house, we're losing money.

We got to keep things moving.

You're making this way too complicated.

He's a guy.

You know what to do. Sex him up.

If you don't want to do it, that's fine.

Just don't have a backsplash.

No backsplash? Well...

Huh, better go shave my legs.

Hey.

Hey.

So,

Lowell took the kids to the movies.

So it's just you and me.

I think I dripped a
little salsa on that arm.

I like it, señor.

It makes you spicy.

Okay, well,

I guess you're not mad at me anymore.

Well, if you're talking
about the flip house,

we both want the same thing.

Right? To make the most
money when we sell it.

Which is why

I really think...

Hmm.

...we need...

(WHISPERS): ...that
gorgeous Peruvian tile.

Ha! There it is.

- Okay, I'm onto you.
- What?

You're using sex to get your way?

Ooh, I want to be mad at
you, but I just can't. What...

Come on, honey.

I-I... I really think
the tile is the way to go.

Just, I just want you
to trust me on this.

What do you say?

I...

Uh...

Yeah, maybe.

Roger that.

All right.

All right.

I'm glad we talked about this.

- Me, too.
- (CHUCKLES) Yeah.

Now let's go upstairs, Señor Spicy.

You are a good person.

ANDI: Leave the chips.

Hey, Don. (CHUCKLES)

You are a genius.

(CHUCKLES) I get that a lot.

So Andi tried to manipulate
me with sex to get that tile,

but I used your trick
and she gave up on it,

and then we still went upstairs.

It was just like an
episode of Sex and the City,

but with more laughs.

I wish I could've been there to see it.

Just the first part, not the gross part.

Hey, guys.

Hey.

Hey, there's my pretty lady.

Aww. Hey, um, where do
you want the delivery guy

to put the Peruvian tile?

What?

I didn't approve that.
I said, "Yeah, maybe."

Right. The "yeah" meant you approved

and the "maybe" meant, "only if
I thought it was a good idea,"

which I did. You know what, I'll just,

I'll just have him take it around back.

(STAMMERS)

Don't look at me, you did it wrong.

I told you to say, "Maybe, yeah."

No, you said, "Yeah, maybe."

I would never say "yeah, maybe"

because "yeah, maybe" means yeah.

Everyone knows that.

You know why you like biscuits so much?

'Cause that's what
your brain is made of.

Thanks to you, this whole
thing just got ten times worse.

Now I have to tell Andi no
when she thinks I told her yes.

She's really not gonna
like my tone on that.

So let her have the tile.

I can't do that.

This is our first work
disagreement, okay?

How this plays out sets a precedent

for our whole working relationship.

She needs to respect me as her boss.

I don't see that happening.

Look, I know the tile is a little thing,

but this is what happened at home.

I gave in on little
stuff, next thing I know,

she's driving the bus. This is my bus,

- I get to drive it!
- Hey, hey.

It's our bus. We're
Burns Brothers, remember?

We're partners.

That's right.

That's right, you're her boss, too,

but she's not your wife,
so you can say no to her

and it's no big deal. What do you say?

Maybe, yeah.

All right, well, you think about it.

Wait a minute, that does work!

Andi, we need to talk.

Okay, what's up?

I'm gonna stop you right there.

Look, Adam's not your only
boss, I'm your boss, too.

And as such, I'm saying
no to that Peruvian tile.

So you can box it up and
send it all back to Peruvia.

Peru.

Pretty sure I'm right.

Anyway, it's not
happening. The answer's no.

Done talking, final answer, no.

Okay, you're the boss, but,
uh, can I ask you something?

Did, uh, did Adam put you up to this?

What?

Adam doesn't tell me what to do.

Yeah. I bet he told you to do this.

And he didn't even ask you
how you felt about it, did he?

He did not.

I mean, would a brother treat
a brother that way in Peruvia?

He would not.

Hey, guys.

Andi and Don would like me to tell you

that they don't like your tone.

She already turned you?
You weak-minded fool.

I didn't do anything.

He doesn't like your tone, either.

Oh, it's got nothing to
do with my tone, okay?

You just don't like hearing the word no.

(SCOFFS)

Okay, fine,

I don't like hearing no,
especially when I'm right.

Ha, I knew it! My tone is great.

In the morning, animals gather
around me like I'm Cinderella.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're wasting your
time. He doesn't listen.

I tried to teach you "yeah, maybe"

to get you out of this
jam, but you screwed it up.

Well, you did it again! You
just said, "Yeah, maybe."

No, I said "maybe, yeah."

This guy.

Tell you what, Don and
Lowell both work with you,

so raise your hand if you think Adam

doesn't always listen to your ideas.

(SCOFFS)

(SCOFFS) I'm not seeing any hands.

All I'm saying is
consider the possibility

that you don't always
recognize a good idea.

Like the tricycle painting you
didn't want and now you love.

- (CHUCKLES) I love?
- Yeah.

I hate that painting.

What?

I knew that. I knew he
didn't like the painting.

I've been playing
both sides on this one.

But I convinced you I was right.

What? You didn't
convince me of anything.

You outlasted me.

You're like the

Everlasting Gobstopper of arguing.

But it's poignant.

It's got nothing to do with us.

Whenever someone new
comes over the house,

they look at that painting and they say,

"Oh, do you collect tricycles?

"Uh, did your grandfather
invent the tricycle?

"What's-what's, what's
with the weird tricycle?"

I finally lied and just started saying

it's a tricycle because
we have three kids.

That is why it's a tricycle!

Oh.

Yeah. I still hate it.

I just wish I would've stuck to my g*ns,

like I'm doing with your fancy tile.

Yeah, well, I'm
sticking to my g*ns, too.

Well, then I don't know what to do.

Well, I don't know what to do either.

Hey, here's an idea.

Let's make a fancy backsplash
out of that painting.

k*ll two birds.

(CHUCKLES) Oh, yeah? I
got two birds for you.

Very nice. You have children!

All right.

I had a lot of time to think in there,

thanks to Lowell's jambalaya.

Here's the thing.

I like working together.

You're a great designer

and you look smoking hot in a hard hat.

That's a good opening
line, I'm listening.

Honey, our marriage
means everything to me,

but in business you need
a boss who has final say

or it's chaos.

I get that.

Just like here at home,
where you get the final say,

which makes sense

because you care about the
kids way more than I do.

I love them, but their
stories are so boring.

Okay, so what do you suggest?

I mean, you were in there for a while

so I know you have a plan.

Yeah, okay, all right, here's my offer.

You get to pick where
you want to drive the bus.

Now, you can keep
driving it here at home,

or you can start driving it at work.

But before you answer,

you should know that, last week,

when I was supposed to take
the kids to the dentist,

we got lost and just
went to Dairy Queen.

That's the opposite of the dentist.

Okay, I'm...

I'm gonna stick with home.

Great, and I will stick with work.

And from now on, I will watch my tone

when I say things like this:

Darling, love of my life,
I already returned the tile.

Okay, that's your call
and I respect that.

Great. So are we good?

Yeah, we're good.

So, what do you want to do now?

Well... (CLEARS THROAT)

- I was thinking...
- Yeah?

...we could watch some Sex and the City.

Really?

Yeah, Carrie's got problems.

Mr. Big won't commit!

- Morning, Lowell.
- Morning.

I've decided to move
back to my apartment.

Are you sure? You're-you're
welcome to stay.

Oh, h-how about this,
stay through the week,

and then we'll do a big send-off
after Fried Chicken Friday.

No, it's too much.

First you're fighting,
then you're fooling around,

then it sounds like you're fighting,

but I can't tell the difference.

You heard us?

The guest room shares
a wall with the master.

I might as well be in there with you.

Well, that's new information.

We've had a lot of people
stay in that guest room.

Maybe that's why we never
got another exchange student.

Oh.

I have to ask you, who is Señor Spicy?

All right.

He has a lovely singing voice.

Yeah, good luck to you. See you later.

Hey, what are you doing?

I'm taking it down.

I don't want you to be unhappy
in your own living room.

No, you can leave it up there.

I've kind of gotten used to it,

like your extra long middle toe.

Hey, that's good luck.

But, about the painting, thank you.

You're welcome.

But, if I ever k*ll something with
a big head, it's going up there.

Maybe, yeah.

Okay, it's settled.