06x17 - A Dark Closet and Therapy with Horses

[bunniefuu]

Look at you.

You certainly are.

On your way to being a lawyer.

Do you need money?

'Cause I don't have any.

I just bought a Slurpee
with my Discover card.

I was just thinking
how proud I am of you.

- Aw.
- And what I could've done in my life

if it weren't for my ADD.

There it is!

No, I mean it.

I could've been a doctor. Or a lawyer.

- Or a doctor-lawyer.
- Mm.

A doctor just for lawyers.

Without borders.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- How was your night?
- Fantastic.

If only March Madness
were all year round.

- Then it would just be madness.
- (ADAM CHUCKLES)

Every basketball fan
in town called in sick

to work and guzzled beer in my bar.

- God bless them all.
- Yay, alcohol!

You should start your
next share with that.

Yeah, I started my
first share with that.

And thank God for Tammy.

She's not the best waitress,

but she also doubles as a bouncer.

She threw one guy out tonight,
and he literally bounced.

Yo, Gus, how were the tips?

Gus made $85.

- Ha. Tammy made five times that.
- Seriously?

Yeah. Hey, you want to pick
up some shifts this weekend?

I-I could use the help.

Yay, alcohol!

Look at you.

What?

Running a successful bar.

I'm so proud.

Wait for it.

Just think of the successful
business I could've run...

ALL: If it weren't for my ADD.

Wow.

(CHUCKLING): Well, you... You
do bring it up a lot, honey.

- And then do nothing about it.
- Because I have ADD!

There are therapists who
deal with this stuff for free.

Wendy gave you that guy's number.

Oh, so now I'm taking advice from Wendy?

I should wear orange
Crocs and giant underwear?

I am just saying, I realized
I had a gambling problem,

I did something about it.

Ooh. Cornered.

So you guys are just gonna g*ng up on me

until I go see someone?

Seems like that's what's happening.

(SCOFFS) Fine!

I'll go to a therapist. You happy?

For the first time in seven years,

I might jump up and down.

Hope I'm walking into
the right fancy house.

If not, I'm taking
this weird little tree.

Hello?

Therapist?

"Please press button and have a seat."

Fun.

(SNIFFLES) See you next week.

(SOBBING)

That's the universe telling me to run.

Bonnie Plunkett?

Whatever you just said to that guy,

don't say it to me.

He was crying when he got here.

I'm Trevor Wells. Why
don't you come on in.

Not so fast.

W-Wendy said this is free.

You're not gonna get me in there

and then sell me a bunch of vitamins?

It really is free.

Also, I don't believe in vitamins.

And it's not just because I
have a reluctant swallow reflex.

Did you make that up?

No, it's a real thing.

We have a very supportive
online community.

Oh.

I have no choice but to believe you,

'cause I didn't have
time to hack your Wi-Fi.

Well, you're welcome to try.

I'll give you a thousand
dollars if you guess my password.

Trevorheadshrink123.

That's alarmingly close.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Two IPAs, one Hefeweizen,

three sh*ts of silver
tequila and an iced tea.

- And I need a beer.
- What kind?

I don't know, cold?

Tammy, the trick to doing this well

is to take as many orders as you can,

so you don't waste a
trip back to the bar.

One is as many as I can.

I'm so glad you're here.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

No. Thank you.

I am making stripper-level tips,

and the only thing showing is my elbows.

Yeah, yeah, hey, uh, two light beers

and a bourbon on the rocks...

One at a time, I'm not a computer.

Okay, iced tea for Mike,

and sh*ts and beers
for Mike's entourage.

Entourage. I like that.
That doesn't mean I'm paying.

- (ALL CHEERING)
- What happened?

That's the sound of people winning money.

On what? The game isn't over yet.

We all bet on Virginia to
make the next three-pointer,

and they just hit it.

Huh. No kidding.

Which one of you guys is a bookie?

None of us. No, we use an app

where you can bet on
stuff during the game.

Three-pointers, turnovers,

which coach wears a toupee.

So... theoretically,

uh, you can do this on your phone

in a dark closet with no one watching?

Can and have.

We live in an age of miracles.

Ooh, you can bet on cricket?

So you went to Australia, huh?

If you throw this thing,
does it really come back?

Why don't you give it a try?

Uh, no, no, no, no, no.

Would you please sit back down?

So, I guess you're
gonna leave it up to me.

Okay.

If I didn't have ADD, I
could've done your job.

I could've helped people.

Go ahead, uh, give me a
problem. How's your marriage?

We're not here to talk about that.

Ooh, I was just guessing,
but G3, sunk your battleship.

How's that make you feel?

Bonnie, I've treated a
number of adults with ADD.

In my experience, there can
be a tremendous amount of shame

and embarrassment attached to it.

Yeah.

It's a burden.

I mean, I keep asking
myself what kind of mother

I could've been, what kind
of partner I could've been...

Is this suede?

You know, I was gonna test you for ADD,

but I think we can skip that.

The important thing to remember
is that it's not your fault.

Say more about that.

Well, it's a neurological condition,

and there are a variety
of ways to treat it.

Uh, for instance, there's medication.

No can do, I'm sober.

I see some sober patients,

and there are certain medications

- that people in recovery can use...
- Okay,

this is the exact opposite of
what I used to yell at doctors,

but do not give me pills.

If you tell me to take
one, I will take 120.

Let's move on.

There's cognitive behavioral therapy...

Sexy name.

It's a long-term
process of restructuring

how you think about things,
so it changes your behavior.

Yeah, you lost me at "long process."

What do you got that's quick?

Well, biofeedback has
been proven effective

- in a shorter time frame.
- What's that?

We wire your brain to a computer...

Nope, I saw The Matrix,
that's how they get you.

Do you believe that people
are trying to get you?

You're either predator or prey, Trev.

Would you mind sitting back down?

I didn't even know I was up.

That is just crazy.

What about horses? Any therapy horses?

You think if I had horses,
I wouldn't lead with that?

So no horses?

That really should go on your Yelp page.

I'm sensing some resistance
to you treating your ADD.

Is that what you're "sensing"?

Okay.

I have seen some patients

that actually become
attached to their ADD,

because they feel like it
gives them less responsibility

for how their lives have turned out.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You're saying I like having this curse?

Well, I said it much
more eloquently, but yes.

Well, your lousy marriage has obviously

got you off your game.

Good day, sir.

Best thing about this
place is this button.

Session is over.

Or is it? It is!

What a nut.

These people are drinking so much,

and they all want different things!

Tammy, breathe.

It's bad, we're never
getting out from under this.

- Hey, remember your training.
- I've had no training.

Hey, I'm backed up here, too.
Where the hell is Christy?

Oh, she's over there with the guy

who ordered either
the bourbon or a pizza.

I don't know!

We don't sell pizza.

And I'm just learning this now?

I've made pepperoni promises.

- (ALL CHEERING)
- Boom, count it!

Yeah! That's three in a
row. You're our lucky charm.

Oh. Kentucky is sh**ting free throws.

Christy, is he gonna make both?

He's a freshman, it's a big moment.

I'm going with no.

Oh, here we go.

(GRUNTS) Sinks the first one.

It's okay, it's okay.

It's not okay. I bet $300.

- (CHEERING, LAUGHTER)
- It's a brick!

It's a brick!

- Ha.
- Sorry I spoke sternly.

You were under a lot of pressure, Mike.

Oh. Oh, no, no, no.

Stop, I-I can't take
this. I can't gamble.

Oh, this isn't gambling,
it's just a tip.

If you were gambling, you
would've got ten times this.

- I would've?
- TAMMY: Behind you.

Behind you. Make a hole, people!

I'm going down.

(PEOPLE SHOUTING, GASPING)

Oh, my God, what's going on?

Welcome to March Madness
in Gamblers Anonymous.

Christy, saved you a seat.

Thanks. This is crazy.

Yeah, lot of people bottom out in March.

Ugh. In AA, it's New Year's.

In my sex addiction
group, it's Easter Sunday.

No one's quite figured out why.

- So, how you doing?
- Good.

Hey, are you aware of these new
live betting apps on your phone?

Oh, yeah.

- I'm not, what are they?
- Hmm.

Fastest way to wind up living
in your car again, Lucy.

I lost my car last
month. Stupid Super Bowl.

So I was cocktail
waitressing and these guys

were making live bets and they
may have solicited my opinion

on a few scenarios.

And I k*lled it.

I ended up with 600 bucks.

- Gambling?
- Well, they gambled,

and then they tipped me when they won.

So I didn't gamble, right?

Please say yes, please say yes.

No, you didn't gamble,
but you came awfully close.

I know. It's just, I
don't want to quit the bar.

I'm making great money and I'm
helping out my mom's fiancé.

Okay, let's make a plan.

You call me at the
beginning of your shift,

on your break and at
the end of your shift.

I love that plan. And
I can keep my winnings.

Tips. Tips... They're tips.

Lucy, what's on your phone?

p*rn.

Lucy.

You'll get it back in April.

He knows me.

All right, I know it's been rough.

Tammy sacrificed her body for the team.

Christy got pretty dehydrated.

Somebody stepped on Gus's paw.

So today, you got to keep
pounding those fluids.

Don't be bashful.

We got 12 hours of games ahead of us.

Oh, my God.

You got this.

If we die, we die together.

You can get it done,
you can get it done.

And what's more, you got to get it done.

All right, bring it in.

"Barrelworks" on three. One, two, three.

ALL: Barrelworks!

(BARKS)

Okay, somebody open the
doors, let the madness begin.

I bet you're pretty surprised to see me.

Well, you did call for an appointment.

I bet that surprised you.

Sure.

I just thought I'd prove to you

that I'm not clinging to my condition.

Bonnie, you don't have
to prove anything to me.

I'm pretty much a stranger.

Disappointing. I was
hoping this would be

a little more adversarial.

Give it time.

All right, so start doing your thing.

How do you know I
haven't started already?

Touché.

Welcome to the game.

We got hot wings, fiery hot wings

and for Mike, Burn My
Ass Like Napalm wings.

Otherwise known as the
poor man's colonoscopy.

- Enjoy.
- Oh, don't go.

I'm on a cold streak
here, I-I need the magic.

Who do you like to make the next basket?

Okay, that was fun yesterday, guys,

but, uh, I got a lot of work to do.

Oh, come on, Christy.
My kids need shoes.

You don't have kids.

Okay, I need shoes.

(SIGHS) Fine, but only one.

- Cincinnati.
- Oh... you heard the lady. Cincinnati.

Check it out, Christy,
I'm getting it done.

(ALL CHEERING)

And boom goes the dynamite.

- Way to go, Christy.
- Ooh, ooh!

We're coming up on the end of the half.

Is it gonna be an odd or even score?

I'm sorry, you guys.
I-I got to walk away now.

Hi, how we doing here?
Anybody need more... screw it.

Put 20 on odd, 40 on Auburn
to cover the first half spread

and show me the odds on
the North Carolina game.

Faster.

So to recap, your
Bonnie b*llet points are:

abandoned as a little kid,
kicked out of 12 foster homes...

Never my fault.

On my own by 16, full-blown
addict and criminal by 18,

sober at 50 and hopefully
by 60, doctor-lawyer.

You know, it sounds like your ADD

actually served you quite well.

What are you talking about?

Your childhood was a
nightmare, and your ability

to check out from that
might have saved your life.

So I should be grateful
that I've got ADD?

It may have been a very
helpful coping mechanism.

It allowed your brain to avoid
some pretty terrible feelings.

Huh.

But you're in a safe place,

so you can allow those feelings
to come up and be healed.

Okay.

So what are you feeling, Bonnie?

I feel pretty pissed off, Trevor.

And you have every right to be.

- I do?
- Yes.

Your life was heartbreaking.

Uh-huh.

If I were you, I'd feel pretty enraged

at what had happened to me.

Yeah.

The trauma of your childhood

informed every moment
of your life since then.

(CRYING): Oh, my God.

Oh, my God...

(CRYING): I'll see you next week.

Don't let this
discourage you in any way.

(ALL CHEERING)

Hey, Christy, come on!

I got a dozen drinks
here that need to go out!

Tammy's got it.

It's true. I'm unstoppable.

Hey, if you see your drink, take it.

Come on, come on, come on.

(ALL CHEERING)

- Ah, we did it! Yeah!
- What?!

Yeah! Yeah! Ah! Yeah...

Hello.

Ugh.

Okay, I was gonna call.

But you didn't.

Well, I-I was busy.

And I was just having fun.

Yeah, you were having fun.

'Cause you were gambling.

Here's what I think happened.

I didn't care about the gambling.

It was about the camaraderie,

everybody rooting for the same team.

I don't have that in my life.

In law school, everybody's
rooting for me to fail.

I didn't even care if I won money.

I just, I wanted to be a part
of something bigger than myself.

Wow.

Yeah.

What a load of crap.

Geez. In AA, we're nice to each other.

Yeah, and in AA, you get camaraderie.

You got it in GA, too.

But don't be telling me you're
doing this to be a part of something.

You're doing this
because you're an addict.

And in this case, the
drug is adrenaline.

So you think I slipped?

I do.

Yeah, me, too.

I'm so pathetic.

I'm never gonna get this.

Oh, so you go right to the pity party?

Again, no need to be mean.

Look, you've been
slinging cocktails in there

night after night. Now,
were you ever once tempted

- to take a drink?
- No.

Okay. And that's because
you've been sober for how long?

Five years.

And how long you been
trying to quit gambling?

Five minutes.

You're a newcomer.

It'll get easier, one day at a time.

The rule is you do not
gamble, no matter what.

All these rules.

It's really just the one.

So can I let you go
back in there to work

or do I need to take you home?

(SIGHS)

I'll be okay.

My gambling buddies will be pissed,

- Mm.
- But I'll be okay.

Hey, if you're hungry, we
serve great chicken wings.

Yeah, I'm 64 years old

and there isn't enough
Prilosec in the world.

I will have a beer, though.

- Show-off.
- (LAUGHS): Yeah.

Nothing's fair.

I'm seeing what you do
in a whole new light now.

I'll treasure that.

So now that you like the therapist

I recommended, are you
gonna be nice to me?

He's a therapist, not a gallon of gin.

I'm just hoping we don't
have to listen to you complain

about your ADD anymore.

No, 'cause it saved my life.

What you're not gonna see me
do anymore is edit my anger.

Is that something you do?

I don't know, I'm finding my way.

But I've been told by a professional

that I have every right to be angry.

Oh, goodie.

Let's hope the therapy helps
you deal with that anger

in a healthy way.

No promises, Marge.