07x07 - Donna and Joe

[bunniefuu]

We're gonna have orchids
in all the pews, right?

Because orchids are Donna's favorite
flowers, and she's my favorite flower.

Ha ha! We real cute.

Of course there
are gonna be orchids.

Do you think this is my first
time working a side job

as a wedding planner
for a former co-worker?

- No?
- I'm so sorry.

I mostly have my rage
problem under control,

but planning is
very stressful.

Please avoid my trigger words,
"flowers," "schedule," "vows,"

"bride," "groom," "food,"
"love," "happy," "church,"

"event," "wedding,"
and "Craig."

I am so sorry, Craig.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

April, walk with me.

So I chose you as my
Maid of Honor because

you've become one
of my best friends,

- And I love you like a sister.
- Ew.

But also because
you're tough.

My family arrives tonight.

I know. And they're all set
with their welcome bags,

and I told your brother LeVondrious
that he is not welcome.

Good, but still, there's gonna
be 28 Meagles in one room,

which means
there's gonna be drama.

I will handle everything.

I actually care whether you're having
a good time and are happy. It's weird.

The Meagles are a cold-blooded
crew of judgmental grudge-holders.

My cousin Winnie once forgot to use
a coaster at my grandpa's house,

and he wrote her
out of his will.

The last four Meagle family Pictionary
tournaments ended at the hospital.

Legally, no more than
three Meagles are allowed

on an international
flight together.

But they give great gifts.
Gotta get that flatware.

Tommy, I was at the nail salon
and I picked up some geranium hand cream.

- Do you wanna try it?
- Uh, yes. Warm it up, please.

Oh, that smells nice.

I'm just gonna go and make sure
everything is set for tonight, okay?

- All right, see you later.
- See you, Ron.

I've always liked that Lucy.
Glad things are going well.

Better than well.

And guess what I have
planned for tonight?

- No.
- As Donna's Butler of Honor,

I'm going all out.
Baby blue brocade.

As a surprise, I got
a matching dress for Lucy.

And do you believe Lucy will
be happy with this gift?

100%!
We're so in sync.

I finally feel like
I'm with the person

I'm gonna be with forever.
I'd marry her tomorrow.

Bully for you, son. More importantly,
do you have tri-tip for tonight?

Because if not
I brought my own.

I love weddings.

Good food, the celebration of romantic
love, and most of all, churches.

Say what you will about
organized religion,

those bastards knew how to
construct an edifice.

Okay, monsters.

Mommy and Daddy have to pack
because we are going to a hotel.

But Roz is gonna
stay here with you.

Yeah, and we are going
to have so much fun.

We're gonna play games,
we're gonna color,

maybe we're gonna even sit
quietly for 30 seconds.

Do you think I could
have 30 seconds?

- That's all.
- She's fading.

Roz, Roz, hey, hey,

you are a wonderful nanny.

- Oh.
- You're tough, and strong,

and you're an excellent
caretaker for our children.

Yeah, every time you come to our
house we are so happy to see you.

I love you more than Ben.

I do.

If Ben left me, I would be sad,
but I would get through it.

But if you left me,
I would never recover.

Thanks. That helps.

I'm so used to packing for them
I almost put in diapers for myself.

Incoming call.
Jen Barkley.

Jen Barkley is calling again.
She is relentless.

Jen is a powerful
political operative.

Don't you even want to know
what she has to say?

She'll just say what she
always says, which is,

"Leslie, would you consider running for
state senate or Congress?" And I'll say,

"Jen, thank you very much,
that's very flattering,

but I love my job, and I get to
do it for the entire country."

The whole world is my park.

Besides, our lives are so
chaotic we can't run a campaign.

Well, if you really wanted
to do it, we'd find a way.

I mean, things
aren't that chaotic.

All three of them just bumped into each
other and broke everything you own.

I--I don't know what that was.

Oh, would you
look at that?

Sweetie, I think your best friend
Tom's giving his ladyfriend a gift.

You know Gayle gives me a gift
each and every day.

Oh, I got the greatest
gift of all.

- Being married to you.
- Oh, sweetie.

Control yourselves, Gergiches!

Damn, Tommy, well done!

I knew you'd like it.

Get changed, baby, we gotta
dominate this party.

What do you think, Ron?
Tommy's the man.

I normally don't get involved
in people's personal affairs,

but something about a wedding...
I'll just say it.

Tom is quite
taken with you.

- He's taken with me, huh?
- Yes.

He said he'd marry
you tomorrow.

Seems silly to stay at a hotel
that's ten minutes from our house.

Well, it's been three years. We
deserve one night away together.

A little downtime, little privacy,
maybe we make some more kids.

- Don't even joke about that.
- Let's just make, like, three more,

so that each one of them
can have a friend.

Ugh.

Jen? What are
you doing here?

You idiots won't
answer my calls,

and what I have to tell
you cannot wait.

But--

What's that
horrible sound?

- Children.
- Ugh, your life is gross.

My life is amazing.

Jen, thank you so much for
coming, but we have to go.

I have never been late for
an event that requires an RSVP.

You guys live in Pawnee, Indiana.
Where do you have to go?

Putting up a new
scarecrow?

Could you please
just get to the point?

Sure... Paul Hartwell, who's your
congressional incumbent from this district,

is a moron, even by
Washington standards.

But he wins every year,
because he's a horrible bully

and nobody opposes him.
Till now.

Indiana's 10th district
needs a new leader.

Someone who's made it a home,
who cares about our citizens,

and who understands
the local economy.

Jen, I told you, I have
a dream job, I don't want to--

A candidate named
Ben Wyatt.

Sorry?

I'm dead serious, Ben.

I think you should run for
the House of Representatives.

Whoa! What was that?
That was huge!

Hang on, this is Congress you're talking
about, like, where bills become laws.

I am not qualified
for that.

We're talking about the
House of Representatives, Ben.

You might be overqualified.

Hartwell's biggest weakness is
the economy, which is your exact strength.

You're young, you're smart, you're running
the biggest city in the district.

I saw you handle
that WiFi thing on TV.

My firm is ready to go as soon
as you say the word.

You in or you out?

Uh, Two of the three kids
are showering in their pajamas,

and most of Ben's ties
are in the toilet.

Just like, as an update
of where things are at.

I mean, this is chaos.

Guys, it happened a really
long time ago, right?

And it was probably an accident.

Oh, yeah, I'm sure the Dig Dug
machine just unplugged itself

right before I was about
to b*at his high score.

Yeah, I'm sure
it was an accident.

Hey, status report?

The Meagles are weird. The words that they
say sound passive, but seem aggressive.

I feel like there should be a term
for that. Like, "nicey-meanie."

Yeah, I just had to physically
separate two 80-year-old men

who were arguing about whether
it was really Lena Horne

in that grocery
store in 1970.

Okay, you stay on the Key Largo
and Denver Meagles,

and I will handle
the Berlin Meagles.

Done!

So you thinking
about Jen's offer?

Yes. I mean, how would
this even work?

Our lives are so busy, and if
I won, I would be a congressman.

Or woman. I mean, equal rights.
No, that doesn't apply.

Okay. Try this.

Tonight, just act like
you've decided to run.

And then tomorrow at the wedding,
act like you've decided not to run.

See which one feels better.

Okay. What do you
think I should do?

Ben has to run.

I don't want to push it, because it
might backfire, but he has to run.

He would be good for America,
good for the world.

Ben should be the Royal
Archduke Sultan Emperor

of All Inhabitable Lands
on Earth!

I'm completely neutral.

I will support you no
matter what you do.

You told Lucy
I want to marry her?

Damn it, son,
the small hamburgers.

Ron! You have to walk
back what you said.

Walk back sounds like lying.

Can you drop your strict life codes
for a second and help me out?

Even though I've known
Lucy for years,

and can see myself spending
a life together with her,

having children, walking
the grounds of Tommy's Bahama--

a private island
I'll eventually buy--

that's way in
the future, man.

Don't call me "man."

That's what you took
away from this?

Don't serve this man.

No more food until he fixes his
giant disaster he's created.

Okay, starting now,
you're in campaign mode.

So first up, meet and greet. You
remember how this goes, right?

Your goal is to act like everyone
is interesting and important.

Hey, guys.

Nope, too hard.

- Let's try someone else.
- Okay.

Oh, there's Donna's parents.

- Okay?
- Okay.

- Work your magic.
- You got it.

Uh, hi, Mr. and Mrs. Meagle,
I presume?

I am Mr. Meagle,
but we're divorced.

I'm Grace Callahan.

Well, I'm sorry, Ms. Callahan.

It's Doctor Callahan.

Well, I hope that you are
a podiatrist or a dentist,

because I seem to have a case
of foot-in-mouth disorder.

Hey, guys.
How's everything going?

April, we couldn't be happier,
and you are an angel for asking.

Yeah, it's surprisingly
painless.

No swiping, no
passive-aggressive comments.

No drama at all.

Here are all
the troublemakers, boss.

Thank you. Meagles!
I am not screwing around.

Okay? Lauren, no more
discussion of Majorca.

Majorca is off limits.

Brian and Gloria, stop
making Horatio feel bad

that your daughter went to Yale.
No one gives a sh*t.

- And, Ginuwine?
- Yes?

- Get it together.
- I'm sorry, April.

- Kathy started this.
- Kathy started--

I don't care!

She doesn't mean it.

Don't cry, Ginuwine.
It's okay.

Thanks, Andy.

Easy peasy.

Lemon sneezy.

Lucy, I have something
to tell you.

I am a liar.

- What?
- Well, no, I am not a liar.

I have never lied
about anything in my life.

Though I suppose you could
construe camouflage as a lie.

What is happening
right now?

Tom wanted to convey
that he likes you a great deal.

So he said that he could
imagine marrying you.

And living on an island
with your kids.

Wait, now we're on an island?
With kids?

- Plural?
- Yes.

Now, do you know where I can
find those little ham balls?

Watch out for those riding
lawnmowers, man.

- Babe, you are k*lling it!
- I am, right?

- Yes! - See, just thinking I'm
a congressman makes me feel like one.

- Yeah.
- Oh, also, I have a little secret.

- I'm drunk.
- I am too.

Ever since we had our kids, it
only takes, like, one sip of wine.

I feel so good
and "condifent."

- Mm-hmm.
- Con...

I feel "condifent."

You know what you should do?
You should give a toast.

Because if you were running for Congress,
you have to give speeches, right?

You want me to make a toast?
I'll toast it up.

Toast it, baby. Roast it and toast
it till it's brown on both sides.

Hey, everybody.
I'm Ben Wyatt.

Listen, we, of course, are here
to celebrate Donna and Joe,

and I have to say, you know,
getting married is

the bravest, most wonderful
thing you can do.

Because every day you come home
and you're just, like,

"What?

"It's you! I love you!

You're my sexy roommate.
We love each other."

Whoo! He's talking
about me.

Yes, I am, babydoll!

Look, Donna and Joe are great.

You all are great.

And this wedding
is gonna be amazing.

Let's get some music
and dancing going.

And I am Ben Wyatt, and I very
much approve this message!

♪ ♪

You want me to shut
that down?

No, I like it.

- Let the little man dance.
- Hey!

♪ It takes two to make
a thing go right ♪

Ah, my head.

Last night was so fun.

- But my head d*ed.
- Yeah.

Yeah, mine's filled
with concrete.

Okay so--

Yesterday, you pretended
you were gonna run.

Today, you're gonna pretend like
you're not gonna run.

Oh, no.

Jen posted the campaign ad.
It's everywhere. I'm running.

How could she do this to--

Oh, God, I'm
remembering things.

We called Jen last night,
didn't we?

- Yeah, we did.
- Ugh.

I also called 867-5309
100 times.

Oh, God.

Bad. What do we do?

There you are.
Surprise, surprise.

Whoa! Oh, you guys
should've corner-boothed it.

- 'Cause you look awful.
- Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

You're gonna scare off
the other customers.

- Shh.
- Hey, Jen.

All those kids keep
you up all night?

I'm so happy
with my choices.

- Okay, Jen?
- Yeah?

Um, I know I left you
a message last night,

but I really do think you should
have checked with me

- before throwing me into this.
- No, Ben, I'm sorry,

- you left me four messages last night.
- What?

And they contained very
specific policy positions.

I want to come out
strong on education.

Then I'll tack hard
into fiscal responsibility.

- Oh, my God.
- ♪ 8-6-7-5-3-0-9 ♪

- I love that song.
- ♪ Jenny, I've got your number ♪

Hey, babe, it's ringing!

Wow, honey, you were
a lot more lucid than I was.

Wait,

were you guys drunk?

That is hilarious.

- No, we weren't-- - Oh, you guys are
gonna fit in so great in Washington.

Most of Congress is
drunk, all of the time.

Okay, official presser
is tomorrow at 9:00.

You could bail if you want.
But it would be embarrassing.

It might derail your career.
Might not. Probably will.

But you never do
know though, right?

So just let me know what
you want to do, okay?

- Will. - I'm just gonna go spend my
time doing exactly what I want to do,

because I don't
have children.

Bye, guys.

Ron? I'm Walden, with
the Church's historical archives.

You called about wanting
information on the building?

I did, indeed.

- Let's start with the facade.
- Mm.

Was the limestone
locally hand-hewn?

No. In the late 1870s,

it was actually cheaper to
import limestone from Michigan.

- Fascinating.
- Do you want to sit here?

- Or should I...?
- But tell me--

I'll do whatever you want.
I'm fine with whatever.

No. Whatever you want.

No pressure.

Excuse me.

Oh, my God.

Oh, look at how
beautiful you look.

Leslie, I'm not even
in my dress yet.

But you're gonna
be very soon.

All right, I want to say
something to my girls.

Knope, you're a softie,
but on the inside,

you're a straight-up boss.

April, you're
the exact opposite.

Y'all inspire me
and I love you.

And you, too, Michelle.

Michelle... You were my
best friend from childhood.

Until we lost touch 'cause you thought
your college boyfriend was into me.

He was.

I never gave him
the time of day.

But now, we're rebuilding
our friendship.

Is this wedding going to be
a test for you?

Yes.

But the doctors once told you you
were never going to walk again.

So this should
be easy, right?

Wow, what a complicated
tapestry that is.

Bring it in. Bring it in.
Bring it in.

Moment over.

Leslie, April, help Donna
with her dress.

Hi, I'm Typhoon.

Typhoon, I am interested,
but now is not the time.

Michelle, get the bouquet.
You're skating on very thin ice.

I couldn't help but
notice, from afar,

that you are both
acting like weirdoes.

I further suspect you have not
yet talked about what happened.

What? I don't even know
what you're talking about

us having not talked about.

I only meant to say
that there's no shame

in declaring how you feel
to a person you cherish.

I am sorry if
I caused a problem.

Because the two of you
make a good team.

If you'll excuse me,
I missed out on the food,

and was denied a fascinating
conversation about Michigan limestone.

But I'll be damned if I don't properly
honor the expression of romantic love.

Ron does this weird thing where
he says exactly what he means.

You just have
to ignore him.

So you didn't mean
what you said?

Look, I'm all in.
That's all I meant.

I didn't want you to think I was
crazy or jumping the g*n.

And I know you just got out
of a relationship

so I don't expect you
to feel the same way. But...

that's how I feel.

Well, I'm only dating you
for the free dresses, so...

I'm fine with that.

Donna, even though
I've known you for years,

I feel like I learn something
new about you every day.

Just yesterday, I learned
that the Pearl Jam album,

Vitalogy was
written about you.

You are an amazing,
confident woman.

And I love you.

I know that
I can be a lot.

And a while back, I was thinking I'd never
find someone who loved me for me.

But you're
patient, and kind,

and together,

we can do anything.

You may now
kiss the bride.

Hey, Roz.

Oh, okay. We
have the zebras.

Tell the kids not to worry,
they're coming back home.

Also, we want to give
you a raise,

and anything you want to take
from our house. Okay, bye.

How in the world am
I supposed to run for office?

Our lives are like one big
unexpected stuffed zebra emergency.

I don't know. What do
you think I should do?

I told you. I'm neutral.

Honey, you have never been neutral
on anything in your life.

You have an opinion
on pockets.

Yes, I think they
should all be bigger.

Okay. Fine. I think
you should run.

Yes, our lives
are bonkers.

But if something is worth it--
and I think this is--

then you just make it work.

Besides, I just read an article
on two-minute micro-naps,

and the science on them is
very promising. Oh, hey!

Ben Wyatt. Any comment on the report
that you're running for Congress?

I'm sorry, I can't talk
about this right now.

Your only experience in politics
was as a failed mayor at age 18--

Okay, please, everyone,
we're at a wedding.

And I'm holding zebras.

I mean, what qualifies you
to take over Hartwell's seat?

Guys, listen to me, please.

I'm dealing with an actual
problem right now. Okay?

Which, by the way,
is what I do for a living.

I solve problems
as a budget specialist,

and for five years as a City
Manager, and I'm pretty good at it.

I have worked hard to transform this
area into a fiscally sound destination

for people who want good jobs,
and a good public education,

and I think the results
speak for themselves.

My name is Ben Wyatt,
and I'm running for Congress.

Oh, my God, babe,
that was so hot.

- Donna.
- Hey.

How did I do?

Everything was perfect.
You are a miracle worker.

But I gotta say I kind of miss
the Meagle drama.

I thought for sure somebody
was gonna do something crazy.

But everybody's just
nice and chill.

Anyway, I love you,
and to thank you,

- I'm gonna try not to hug you.
- Thank you.

- I'm going to--
- No!

Okay, okay.

Wyatt, why didn't you tell us
you're running for congress?

Well, we didn't want to
steal your thunder.

Steal my thunder? I'm sorry, have you
seen how I'm wearing this dress?

Okay, well in that case,
uh, yes, I am.

All right!

- To Ben.
- Donna and Joe.

To me. I own my own restaurant
and several other properties.

- That's always worth celebrating.
- Hear hear.

Who's Garry?

Oh, I think that's
supposed to be me.

Ha ha. That's your new name.
Garry.

- Garry!
- Garry! Garry! Garry!

- Garry! Garry!
- "Hi, I'm Garry!"

Garry is my real name.

Yes, after 30 years,
my coworkers are finally

going to call me
by my real name.

Oh, boy, I'm blessed.

Everyone, can I have
your attention, please.

Now it's time for a surprise
musical guest,

One of my time
favorites...

me.

♪ I had a girl ♪

♪ Donna was her name-- ♪

Donna! Joe!

I hope you saved
a slice of that cake

for your estranged
brother LeVondrious!

What's up, girl?

Didn't expect to see your baby
bro at your wedding, huh?

Well, I'm here...

despite what you did to me
all those years ago.

What I did?

This is because
of what you did.

Oh, you must be referring
to the microwave incident.

- Yeah.
- Don't worry.

I brought it back.

Well.

Now no one gets
any popcorn.

You said you wanted
a little drama.

That's why I love
you, girl!