03x06 - Knock Knock

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Divorce". Aired: October 2016 to August 2019.
"Divorce" revolves around a couple going through a long, drawn-out divorce.
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03x06 - Knock Knock

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No, I want Frances to do
whatever she likes.

I hate the idea of Frances
going on a date with Jeremy.

Apparently, I'm at liberty
to do whatever I want.

You tell me what the hell
is going on here.

I'm over this shit. All of it.

As much as I'd really like
to punch you,

I'm not gonna do that
in front of these kids.

So, back off.

I'd like to show you something.

It's yours, Diane.

You mean for free?

You'd have to answer
my occasional knock on the door.

Maybe I don't give a shit
about people's problems.

You're not even listening.
It doesn't surprise me.

You haven't been listening
for weeks.

-Okay, we need to unpack this.
-Not unpacking.

I am packing and leaving.

Frances, I may have found
a buyer for your Hastings home.

You put the house on the market
without telling me?

We lost.

Did you f*ck Frances at least?

Nope. Jeremy f*cked Frances.

This won't take long,
but it's important.

And I'm making "important"
sound bad or scary.

And it's not, it's-- it's not.

What it's really all about is--

Your mother and I are
getting a divorce.

It's awful.

If there was any way that
we could've figured out

how to stay together,
then we would.

But we just can't.

But the important thing is

that neither of us is
going to leave you.

I'm gonna be living nearby,

and we're gonna do everything
that we've always done together.

As a family.

But more importantly,

your mother and I love you
with all of our hearts.

And that, Lila, Tom,
is never gonna change.

♪ ♪

Hello, strangers!

Hi! Welcome home.

Any headlines?
Any secrets you wanna
share with me...

-...you don't like to share
with your dad?
-Tom: No news.

Oh, hey, hey!
Lila, I've got a headline.

You poached my socks.

-I needed them.
-Well, I needed them too.

-Look what I ended up with.
-No, you-- I like it.

All right, well,
welcome home, guys.

-Good to see you. Oh!

-Hi... Hi.

-You don't usually come up.
-I know.

Um, do you mind
if I use the restroom?

-I have to pee.
-Oh... no, oh...

No, no, no,
Actually, come on in.

-It's a long--
-Wait, wait, wait.

Can you just--
can you hold it?

Can you just come here
for a second?

-What's up?

So, I've been giving
it some thought.

You know, the renter's lease
is about to be up.

I think we should
sell the house.

Now you wanna
sell the house?

Shh. Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I think,
you know,

it would be nice
to have some money.

I don't know, I could buy
something here and...

I don't think
it's such a bad idea

to finally
separate our assets.

-Separate our assets?

I mean, this is the house
where you nursed our children.

They were toddlers.

Lila was drinking
out of a glass.

Tom was practically
rolling his own joints.

That doesn't matter, regardless.
I'm not gonna get into that.

I just feel like
it's time, you know?

It's just time
to cut the cord.

Don't you?

Okay. Let's sell the house.



-Yeah, yeah, no.

-Go ahead, go ahead.
-Thank you. Thanks.


So, as it turns out,
Frances is okay
with selling the house.

No shit?

So you think
it's a good idea?

In every possible way.

Oh. Okay.
Well, there you go.

(heavy exhale)

If you don't want
to sell the house,

don't sell it.

Just be honest about it.

Why would you say that?

Of course I wanna
sell the house.

In fact, do you want
to handle it for us?

No. I do not.


I think the whole hand washing
thing has gone too far.

I mean, if a few people
have to get septic

so the skin
on my knuckles
stops cracking,

I'm okay with that.

Yeah, I disagree.

A lot.

You, pretty mama, are healed.

Don't be an assh*le, Claudia.

Droopy placenta
is droopy no more.

So, the baby's safe?

Safe as anyone
in a world gone to hell.

So, I can go out?

-You okay?


I think she's in shock.

Robbie, I love you.

Yeah, yeah...
yeah, I love you too.

-But I'm moving out.
-You... what?

I'm moving out.

♪ ♪

Is there some sort of
neurological change

that accompanies
placenta reattachment?

I kept trying
to overlook it.

How you're always
defending her

and you can't let go
of that g*dd*mn house.

And you're so
friggin' concerned

with everyone
she might be dating.

You've made it quite clear
where your loyalty is.

It's with her,
it's not with me.

I am not-- news flash--
in love with Frances.

Interesting. I never
actually said that.

f*ck it, I was never cut out
to be married anyway.

I tried,
but I just can't do it.

I don't really need
to remind you

that we are having
a child together,

so you might wanna just
skip along a few more yards

before you make your decision.

The more yards,
the more chance
I have to lose my nerve.

Jackie, just get in the truck.

I think I'll walk.

It's three miles!

That sounds wonderful.

♪ ♪

You're-- you're--
you're jogging for two!

♪ ♪

Thanks, Lina.

Oh! Kids, just a heads up.

Your dad and I have decided
to sell the house.

What are you talking about?

We buried Sherlock Bones
behind that house.

And you didn't even ask us.
That's so disrespectful.

That is kind of disrespectful
that you didn't ask us.

-Yeah, I'm sorry, I know,
I mean, we have had--
-Henry: What?

It's the whole crew!


-Morning, Henry.

-Lila: Do you wanna...?
-Yeah, I'll be right out.

-It's good to see you kids.
-Tom: Yeah, you too.

-Tom: Okay. Go, go.
Let's get out of here.
-Lila: Don't push me.


-I missed you.

That was a bad way
to end a bad night.

Yeah, agree.
That was bad.

I'm just, honestly,
I'm just confused.

I don't understand
what happened--
what's happening.

Let me ask you something.
Before all of this,

I thought things with us

were rolling along
pretty well, didn't you?

Yeah. Four--
four and a half stars.

Right, well,
why can't that be enough?

Is there something
you feel you're missing

besides the idea
of something?

I've got hungry kids.
I should go.

Can we talk later?

I mean, four and half stars,

That's pretty damn good.


-Bye. Bye, Lina.
-Lina: Bye, Frances.

♪ ♪

I forget, is this the place

that comes with the noodles
already in the broth?

Or do you have
to pour the broth over
the noodles yourself?

Oh, um...

Yeah, it looks like they put
the broth and the noodles

in separate containers.


I'm sorry.
It's not your fault.

I-- I just hate the spillage.

(bag rustling)

(soda cans opening)


(bag rustling)

Oh Jesus, this is
what I was talking about!

So, in my neighborhood,

there are all these
really beautiful murals

on the side of storefronts.

Of guess what.


Yeah, it's funded
by an art gallery,

and I thought it might
be nice if maybe

we sponsored a walking tour.

Oh, I think that's
a great idea, Frances.



f*ck it, I'm just gonna
get some yogurt.

I swear to God,
I will jump out this window

if I hear one more word
about your unwieldy ramen!

But we have to listen
to you go on and on

when they forget
the salad dressing?

It's part of the order.
It's not a gift.

(slams desk)

This is bananas!

Now, I'm gonna give you both
the benefit of the doubt.

I don't actually think that
you're as nuts as you seem.

I just think that you've
been caught on this

takeout lunch hamster wheel
for so long

that you've actually
forgotten who you are.

But you two have a choice.

You can take
this privileged life...

that you've inherited
from your Great Aunt Leonard...

and you can make it
something meaningful,

something that, you know,
that's moving,

that, that ,you know,
inspires people to see beauty.

Or you can sit here
trapped in amber.


Choose badly,

and I'm gonna haul ass over

to the Feminist Birders
of Flushing.

The She-Gulls?

They're hiring.

♪ ♪

My only child has abandoned me,

a crazy patient is trying
to ruin my life,

and look at them.

All it takes is
one giant pretzel,

and for them,
the planets align.

Don't be so bitter.

Let the people enjoy
their pretzels.

I remember this awful nun
when I was growing up

that we nicknamed "Pretzel."

She had scoliosis or something.

Maybe I should've
become a nun.

Oh, yeah,
I remember suggesting

that we all go out tonight
and have a really good time.

I'm sorry,
I don't think there are
pretzels big enough.

So, one-- one crazy patient
makes a ridiculous claim.

I'm sure this happens
all the time.

And one ridiculous claim
could just end your career,

so these hearings
they're very unpredictable.

But you know what?
I think that that letter was

a message to me from God,
just tapping me on the shoulder

saying, "Quit. It's over.

"Why fight for something that
you don't even want anymore?

Move on."

This might be the best thing
that's ever happened to me.

-(The "Chicken Dance" plays)
-Diane: See, I agree.

I hate working,
I hate not having a house.

And with Gordon-- Bam!
One-stop shopping.

Or maybe you could rob a bank

and just, you know,
cut out the middle man.

Man, to be able to walk
into that store

and tell Mimi to shove it,
I would do anything.

I know.

Even with the occasional
knock on the door?



Is he offering you
an allowance, too?


Does that officially
make me a whore?
You can be honest.

Diane, don't worry about it.
We're all gonna be gone...

...like that.

(crowd claps to song)


(gate buzzing)


It just goes to show you...

when the chips are down,

you really know
who your friends are.

Chips are down?

Nick, you didn't have
a bad day at the casino.

You stole tens of millions
of dollars

from people that trusted you.

Thanks. You came here
to tell me that?


I just need somebody
to talk to.

This is what I've been craving.

This is the stuff.

Being of use,
helping other people.

Helping-- I wanna help.
Let me help.

How can I help you?

-Jackie left me.
-Well, these things happen.

That's it?
That's your help?

You've known her
less than a year.

You don't have to be Kreskin

to know that thing was
headed for the shitter.

-She's pregnant, too.
-Jackie's pregnant?

You dumb f*ck!
You dumb f*ck!

Nick, I came here
for some solace,

some heart-to-heart bro time.

Talk to me.


Jackie accused me of still
being in love with Frances.

Are you?

You and Frances were
together for 20 years.

She's the mother
of your children.

You have a history
and an intimacy with her

that no other woman
could ever hope to have.

That's it?
What am I supposed
to do with that?

Get over it.

You think you
and Frances are special?

You got married, you had kids,
you got divorced.

It's called the past.
Move on.

By the way,
how's Diane looking?

Don't answer that.

Thanks for the help.
Thanks for the insight.

That's what I'm here for.

Well, it's not actually
what I'm here for.

Diane, walk with me.

I was hoping
things would improve,

as much as I've prayed
and prayed,

but the gaps and bunches
have returned.

Okay. I've had it.

What are you doing?

Take a long look, honey.

Non-symmetrical anarchy.

Live it, learn it, love it.

Because I f*cking quit!

I'm better than
this place, okay?

I am a woman with options,

and I choose to never
work here ever again.

What's going on?

Delroy, I'd like
for you to escort her
out of the building.

I warned you.
Don't mess with this bitch.

It's fine.

I'm on to bigger
and better things anyhow.

Let's just say I have a new
opportunity on the horizon.


A new opportunity
that's illegal in every state

except for Nevada.

Excuse me,
what did you just say?

Everyone knows, Diane.

The little shoplifter's grandpa?

Let's not act like you just
got hired at Google.


♪ ♪

-Frances: Hey.
-Robert: Hi.

So, I think we should...

sort all the boxes
into three categories:

what's going to Inwood,
what goes to
yours and Jackie's,

and then what we just,
you know, what we just toss.

Well, there may be a new
location for my boxes.

-It's sort of unclear
at the moment.

My boxes might no longer be
staying with... Jackie's boxes?



So, is Henry gonna--

or one of his people--
help us with all this crap?

Oh, uh...

Well, it, uh, seems, uh...

Henry might no longer be
moving my boxes.


Thank God for that
box metaphor.

Could have gotten awkward.

Uh, based upon data collected,

post-divorce life?
No trip to the candy factory.

Well, it's definitely not
as fun as they make it look
in the brochure.

(Robert chuckles)

I guess I couldn't know
how hard it was gonna be.

What's that?

Just knowing
when it's worth it.

And when it's not.

(Frances sighs)

So, it was small
things at first.

Uh, a slight cock
of an eyebrow,

uh, the undue
shifting in her chair.

Fine, strip me
of my license.

I may have been
breathing as well.

Then, things
became more brazen.

She would brush lint
off her pantsuit,

which would go on
a bit too long.

A pantsuit?
I beg the board to search
my closets for a pantsuit.

-Please, Ms. Holt.

Is there anything else,
Mr. Owens?

Well, I hesitate
to mention this one,

because it's so...

Go ahead, sir.
It's okay.

We had a phone session
one time,

and it was quite clear to me
that she was masturbating.

Okay, we are officially
in fruitcake land!

I'm sorry, but if it
please the court

or the board
or the council or I--
whatever this is.

But I just... (sighs)
I refuse to be
railroaded here today

by a vengeful man who is
trying to destroy my career.

I seek only justice, madam.

And now speaks like he is
in 17th century Salem.


I admit...

that I have professionally
been off my game lately

and I've had some
personal problems
that I have dealt with

and maybe I should've
taken a sabbatical.

But I'm a good therapist.

This job is who I am.

Please, don't take
that away from me.

She's a slut.

You have nothing
to worry about.

Thank you, and you're
welcome to it.

Just be careful,
I put a curse on it.

Okay, thanks.


I'm just gonna grab
a few things.

I've gotta find
a place to stay.

There's no hurry.

Eh, the sooner
the better.

It's cleaner.

Well, we are having
a child together, so...

You're stuck with us forever.

This, I know.

That's the good part.

I gotta get on
down the road.

♪ ♪


So glad you came.

-Thank you.


(city traffic sounds)


Public place,
you haven't ordered food.

It's not looking good for me.

I'm just curious.

Since your marriage,

what's been your
longest relationship?

Four months.


Wow, sure wish
I'd asked that sooner.

Maybe I'm f*cked up.

Uh... my marriage,
she was manipulative,

always trying
to make me jealous.

It changed my perspective.

Feeling like someone
belongs to you,

I don't see how anything good
can come of it.

I'm sorry.

No need.

If I could change,
you'd be the one
I'd do it for.

Man, we've been making
each other so happy.

It seems like such a shame.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

So, Tom and Lila,
ready to move back
into your old house?

Half the time, anyway.

-Tom: Yeah.
-Lila: Yeah.

I'm not sure if this
would be categorized

as officially moving forwards
or moving backwards.

Forward. Definitely.

All right, shall we?


-Frances: You guys good?
-Lila: Yeah.



Hey, thanks.

It'll be under here
in case you ever wanna

stop by and steal
my album collection.

Bye, kids.
See you in a couple days.

-Tom/Lila: Bye, Mom.


♪ ♪

So, Mr. Gitler used to
walk up and down
these avenues and streets

and he longed for more beauty,
so he asked his favorite artists

to paint Audubon's birds,

which is why we get to look at
this very distinguished eagle.

Let's move on to the next one.

This next artist painted, um...

painted the wild turkey.

Their name is N. Soala.

(curtains vibrating)


(door knocking)

(knocking continues)

(two sharp knocks)

(lock clicks)

("Give a Little Bit"
by Supertramp playing)

♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

So, here I am.

What age range were
you thinking of?

10 to 16.

You know those are the really
messed up ones, right?

-♪ Give a little bit ♪

♪ Give a little bit
of your love to me ♪

♪ Give a little bit ♪

♪ I'll give a little bit
of my love to you ♪

♪ There's so much
that we need to share ♪

-♪ So send a smile
and show you care ♪
-(indistinct chattering)

♪ I'll give a little bit ♪

♪ I'll give a little bit
of my life for you ♪

All right, bye, sweetie.

See you Saturday.

♪ So give a little bit ♪


♪ Give a little bit
of your time to me ♪

-Oh. Frances.

-He's got a haircut.
-Oh. Right. Thank you.

-♪ See the man with
the lonely eyes ♪
-(indistinct chattering)

♪ Oh, take his hand,
you'll be surprised ♪

(chatter continues)

♪ Give a little bit ♪

♪ Give a little bit
of your love to me ♪

♪ Give a little bit... ♪

(song changes)

("Owner of a Lonely Heart"
by Yes playing)

♪ Move yourself ♪

♪ You always live your life ♪

♪ Never thinking
of the future ♪

♪ Prove yourself ♪

♪ You are the move you make ♪

♪ Take your chances,
win or loser ♪

♪ See yourself ♪

♪ You are the steps you take ♪

♪ You and you,
and that's the only way ♪

♪ Shake, shake yourself ♪

♪ You're every move you make ♪

♪ So the story goes ♪

♪ Owner of a lonely heart ♪

♪ Owner of a lonely heart
(Much better than a) ♪

♪ Owner of a broken heart ♪

♪ Owner of a lonely heart ♪
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