06x11 - Daddy's Girl

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Baby Daddy". Aired June 2012 - May 2017.
A 20-something bachelor bartender gets the surprise of his life when a one night stand leaves his baby at his doorstep. Ben decides to raise his little girl with the help of his friends and family.
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06x11 - Daddy's Girl

Post by bunniefuu »

Hey, watch out! Pregnant
girl comin' through.

Man, I'm hungry.

Sad I had to specify "girl."

Are you okay? Are you comfortable?

All right, nobody touch her!

The doctor said she could
explode at any moment!

Give birth, Danny.
The doctor said that

I could "give birth"
at any moment.

But I'm fine, all right?
It was just false labor.

Apparently it happens all the time.

Well, having been pregnant
now for almost four hours,

I think I'd know for sure if a person

was really about to crawl head first

out of my body.

Oh, she'll know. Trust me.

That chick from Alien will have nothin'
on her, just...


Right, right, right.

But good news... the second one

just pops right out.

One minute you're dancin' at
a Bon Jovi concert, yeah...

and the next, someone's
all like, "Oh my gosh,

who dropped a baby on the floor? Ohh..."

I can't believe they
made me buy you a ticket.

Now are you sure that there is
absolutely nothing we can get you?

I am feeling very maternal.

Well, I know it's late,
but I am a little hungry.

- Maybe pizza?
- Ooh, perfect.

But you know what would
be even better? Pancakes!


Oh, no, I'm... I'm not really
in the mood for pancakes.

Yes, yes! And there's that place
on Bleecker that's open all night!

I love that place!

They'll be back.

Oh my, okay...

♪ It's amazing how the unexpected ♪

♪ Can take your life
and change direction ♪

Are you done?

Yeah, I'm done.

- Are you done?
- Okay!

Oh, my... Honey, look.

I know the doctor said

I shouldn't do anything too strenuous,

but do you think I could not do anything

in my own apartment?

Well, what if we're all alone

and I have to go to the bathroom

or get some water?

What then, Riley, what then?

Ah, yes, what then?

You know, well, now that you mention it,

um, I am a little thirsty.

Right. I'm on it.

Uh, hey, Ben. I need
to get Riley some water.

You mind watchin' her
while I go to the kitchen?

You got it.

We're back!

So cute. How was dance class today?

Eh, you know, it was all right.

Mainly sat in the back
with the only other cool mom

and made fun of the
awkward and ugly kids, so...

I was actually talking to my daughter.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

So, how was dance class today?

Who's my mommy?

Wow. Okay. Your mommy, that's new.

Well, we talked about this, remember?

Her name's Angela and
she lives in Los Angeles.


We just got lucky, I guess.


I'm sorry, the books
all say to be honest!

What's all this about, anyway?

Well, I'm guessing
it has something to do

with the mother/daughter talent show

Emma's class is having.

Mother/daughter talent show?

Okay, this is wrong on so many levels.

How dare they make Emma feel
bad for only having a father.

That's my job.

Hey, hey, hey, all this
anger and negativity

is stressing Riley out.

Here. I'll hold it while you take a sip.

Ahh! You wanna know what's
really stressing me out?

How cold it is in here.

Uh, Danny, do you... do you think
you could go get my blue blanket,

and if you don't see
it, just keep looking.

It's definitely real.

Got it!

Oh, hey, Ben!

You've gotta promise
if anything happens,

you'll be there for Riley.

You got it. Treat her like the weird kid

who eats paste and has
mittens pinned to his jacket.

Oh wait, that was you!

Dude, I'm serious.

Brother to brother.

If I'm not there when the baby comes,

you gotta promise to be there to
take care of my wife and my son.

Yeah. Danny, of course, I promise.

You hear that, baby? We're on our own.

Oh, hey, man, anything happening yet?

No, but I don't
have time right now...

Oh, my god, I'm so happy for you.

Tucker told me about the false
labor and I totally get how stressful

that can be. I went
through it for weeks,

but at least it increased
the value of my push gift.

I got this sapphire ring.

I'm sorry, your what gift?

Push gift. It's what
a husband gets his wife

for pushing a bowling
ball through a straw?

You got her one, right?


Oh. Hello, worst husband ever.

Way to start off on the wrong foot.

Babe, babe, babe... remember we talked

about not saying everything
that comes into your mind?

- Uh-huh.
- Yeah. This is one of those moments.

- Oh.
- It's gonna be fine, man.

No. No, it's not gonna be fine.

The baby's gonna come, and
I'm gonna be standing there

with nothing in my hand
besides a used umbilical cord!

That's it. I'm gonna go down

to the jewelry store on the corner.

Dude, what is the matter with you?

Man, you don't wanna pay retail. Dude.

Man, look, I'll hook you up,
okay? Trust me, man, I got a guy.

Suddenly this necklace
you got me doesn't seem so special.

Yes, I knew she'd start
asking questions someday,

but that's not what this is about.

It's about me not being enough for her.

Seriously, what does she need a mom for?

- There's nothing I can't handle.
- Well, honey, let's circle back

to that when it's time
to discuss her period,

or her first bra,
or birth control...

Mom, none of those
things are ever happening!

Okay, maybe it would be good
for both of us if I had someone.

A partner.

A real mom for Emma.

Maybe I should've never
stopped looking for Elle.

Yeah, why did you stop?

Uh, maybe 'cause every single
time I ever mentioned her,

you ridiculed and mocked me?

Well, if you're
gonna let that stop you,

I'm surprised you can get
out of bed in the morning.

It's hard! It's really hard!

You know what I'm gonna do?

I am gonna find Elle.

Okay, you do that. I looked
for almost nine months.

But I'm goin' down to that dance studio.

There's no way they're stoppin' me

from dancing with my daughter.

Unless I have to wear tights.

I want people to see
that I'm a good dad,

but that's all I want them to see.

So where's your guy?

He'll be here, all right?

But remember... this is a negotiation.

A dance, all right?
There'll be a

little back and forth,
but in the end,

you will have a beautiful,
almost-diamond bracelet for Riley.

Hey. Who's this?

My associate. Do you
have the merchandise?

Yeah. This is gonna cost you .

Oh, that sounds really reasonable.

But there is no way that
that is happening.

To be honest with you, man,
we only brought with us.

Oh, no! I grabbed that envelope
I keep in my sock drawer

on the way out. It's
got like , in it.

Plus I might have a
little more in my wallet.

So, can I assume
that... okay, yeah.

And I'll take the cell phones, too.

Yeah. W... We don't
have cell phones.

Oh... no, I got mine.
Here, I'll call yours.

And how dare you make my
little girl feel different?

- Ooh, hey, Benji...
- But even more important,

make me answer difficult questions

I'm not emotionally
equipped to deal with.


Not now, Mom, this
baby daddy's on a roll.

This should be about the children.

Okay? Some of these kids have two moms,

some of 'em have two dads.

And there's that one girl
who's got two of each,

which just seems like overkill.

Uh-huh. And if you look
at the bottom of the flyer,

you will see that this
is an all-inclusive event.

And the girls are free to
perform with whomever they choose.

Yeah, that's what I
was trying to tell you.

I did not see that.

But it's good to
know that you'll be

incorporating some
of my suggestions.

Hey... your name isn't Elle, is it?

Mom, I think I would
know if she was Elle.

- Come on, let's get outta here.
- Ooh wait, can we go out the back?

The other cool mom
and I are in a

fight, and I don't
wanna run into her.

Turns out the awkward kid I
was makin' fun of was hers.

Is he here? Oh, did I miss him?

Is who here?

I don't know his name. I saw him

almost nine months ago,

and I'd about given up hope,
but then I was across the street

and I thought I saw
him through the

window, but then
there was this bus,

and this horse, and...
It's a long story.

But if you could just give me
the name and number of the guy

who was just in here,
that would be great.

No problem. Because
clients love it whenever

we give out their
personal information.

Right. But at least
I know he's a client.

Of course, with my luck,
he's probably married.

Oh, he is definitely not married.

Yes! I knew it!

I knew he was single.
Please, you have to help me.

There's honestly nothing I can do.

Are you having a stroke?

No! I just thought you
might be interested in this.

Oh... yeah, no, I don't have a kid.

But he does! He's coming to the show!

Yes. I'll just come to
the show and then I

can finally meet him,
it's gonna be perfect.

Yeah, I'd lower those
expectations a bunch.

Well, I did it! I had it out

with the dance studio, and
they definitely see it my way.

- Well, I...
- Just let me have this one thing!

Hey, Emma, so it's not
gonna be a problem anymore.

You get to dance with Daddy.

I want my mommy.

Okay. No problem.

That doesn't break Daddy's heart
into a million pieces at all.

Welcome to the dark side of parenting.

Ohh! Speaking of parents,
I think I'm about to be one.

The baby is coming!

- Oh, god! Okay, all right. You guys...
- Oh! Go, go.

Hey... I'm so sorry.

My smartphone got lost.

Turns out it's not that smart.

It's fine, just be glad
it was another false alarm.

Oh, by the way, I
guess we need a car seat

to take the baby home from the hospital.

Yeah, I read that in a pamphlet

when I was just flashing my
vagina to med students.

Oh, we're on it. But, do you think
I could borrow your credit card?

I think I might've
misplaced my wallet as well.

Hey, did you hear that? Now I
know exactly what to get Riley

for her push gift.

Dude, I'm tellin' you
right now, a car seat

is a horrible idea.

No, I'm gonna get her
the car to put it in.

Really? Seems like a pretty big gift

for just sittin' around with
her feet up for nine months.

If I don't get her a car,
what am I supposed to get her?

And this is where your
friend Tucker steps in, man.

While you were off endlessly
measuring your wife's cervix,

I was coming up with the
greatest push gift idea ever.

What do women like
even more than jewelry?

Being right?

No... they like puppies.

I've got a guy.

Really? Oh, my god, this
is the best idea ever.

A new puppy and a baby
all in the same day.

She's gonna feel like the
luckiest girl in the world.

Don't be upset. You know it's
just a phase Emma's going through.

Yeah, whatever, it's so not
a big deal. Die, die, die!

Are you sure you're okay?
The TV isn't even on.

Look... you know she totally loves you.

Honestly, I'm just
glad my mom is doin' it.

Last place I wanna be right now
is stuck at some stupid rehearsal

with a bunch of screaming kids in tutus.


What is it, Emma?

I wanna dance with you.

Me? You really wanna dance with me?

Well, heck, yeah, I'll dance with you.

See? I knew it was just a phase.

And if we hurry, we can be
there in time for rehearsal.

Oh my gosh, this is
gonna be so much fun.

And it seems I am being abandoned
by a whole new generation.

And yet, I feel like somehow
you had a hand in this.

I don't care what you say, but
there is a good person in there.

A very small person, but she's in there.

- Beep, boop...
- Okay, stop it.

I have my moments.

And I'm going to continue my
good deed tour and go find Emily.

- Don't you mean Elle?
- Dammit! God...

That's a whole morning's
worth of work down the crapper.


Oh... my god,

that is the cutest puppy ever.

Oh, yes she is.


It's Riley's push gift.

It was my idea, but you know
I'm lettin' him take the credit.

Oh, my god, are you serious?

You want Riley to take
care of a baby and a puppy?

Oh god!

Even I don't hate her that much!

You are a d*ad man!

God! A puppy!

Oh, man, Danny, I worry about
you, you're slow, man!

- So, a car?
- Yeah, a car sounds good.

You ready?

I love you, Emma.

Bam! You are never gonna
believe what I did.

Well, you know what? I don't
really care what you did,

because I have been here
alone for almost three hours.

Oh, no, no, no, I did get a break

when I had to help Ben find a costume,

do Emma's hair, and make them lunch.

But I literally have no
idea where my husband is,

this thing is just tap
dancing on my bladder,

and g... I can't get the
lid off this mayonnaise jar!

Who is that?

Well, it's a little anti-climactic now,

but this... is Elle!


- This is Ben's Elle?
- Yeah.

- How did you do that?
- Well, I just retraced his steps

back to the dry cleaner
where he first met her.

So... do you remember Ben?

Well, um, no, not really,
but... he sounds amazing!

- So you...
- Yeah, a little bit.

So is he here?

No, he's getting ready
for the talent show.

Okay, let's go. Oh my gosh,
Ben is gonna be so surprised!

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, you guys
are not going anywhere without me.

Um, just get the chair from Ben's desk

and start pushin'.

Oh, my god, we don't have the time.

Let's go, let's go, let's go,
let's go, let's go, let's go!

Shut the door! God!

Hi, hi, I'm here.

I didn't miss it, did I?

No. Wait... aren't you supposed to be

in a giant bubble somewhere?

I put two pillows under a blanket

so it looks like I'm still there.

That's the one useful
thing you taught me.


Oh. Hey, Liz.

What are you doin' here?

Honestly? Hoping to meet
the man of my dreams.

At a
mother/daughter talent show?

God, you're bad at this.

Ohhh! It's coming!

The baby is really coming this time!

Wait, are...
are you sure?

Could you maybe just
cross your legs

for a couple minutes
until we're done?

No, I can't just cross my
legs, because someone is trying

to crawl out of there. Ow, ow, ow, ow,

and it feels like he's trying
to dig a brand new tunnel.

Use the existing tunnel!

Oh! Okay! I need you to text
my phone. Danny has mine.

Right! Danny, okay.

What's wrong? What's going on?

- Oh god, ow!
- This is it, the baby's really coming!

Okay, can't you just cross your legs?

I mean, we're all kind of
in the middle of something.

All right, you know what, I
will take her to the hospital,

you go on with Emma, and
just meet me there, okay?

I can't, I promised
Danny... Oh, right! Danny!

Okay, and... send.

Okay, Emma? I am so, so
happy that you asked me

to do this with you.

But I really need to help your
Auntie Riley deliver your new cousin.

I am so sorry, but Grandma
will dance with you.


Okay, okay. Oh, my god, Ben!

Ben, I almost forgot. I found Elle!

- Really? Where is she?
- Second row.

- Here?
- Yes!

Oh, my god, stop that.

That's really her! Oh,
my god, Mom, I love you!


Right. Just give her my information
and I'll see her later, okay?

- Okay, all right.
- Bye, sweetie. Let's go. Let's go.

Okay. All right. Listen, kiddo.

It's showtime. Okay? Lose the ukulele,

and don't get in my way during my solo.

Five, six, seven, eight...


Wah-tah! What?

Ooh, g... Ooh!

I have to say, these
babies are so popular,

we're actually chargin'
a thousand over sticker.

That sounds fair.

Oh, my god. This is it!
Riley's havin' her baby!

We gotta go!

Hey! What are you doin'?

Hang on!


You know what? Thank
you for the test drive.

I think... I think we're
just gonna keep looking.



Riley, you have to calm
down. It's all gonna be fine!

Really? Because it doesn't feel
fine from where I'm sitting.

Ahh! Where's the doctor?

The clinic's a little understaffed,
but they paged someone,

and worst case scenario, I've
actually done this before.

You stay away from me!

I'm Dr. Ryan. So what's the problem?

Oh, you know just a little
bloating... I'm having a baby!

Oh, wow, right.

Yes, you are! And here it comes.

Wait. It's you.

It's really you.

My god, it's you!

I can't believe it!

I was just at a dance
studio looking for you

when I got paged.

I know, I saw you! I'm Ben.

- I'm Elle.
- I'm dying!

- Right!
- Oh, and this isn't mine.

Good to know. Okay, I can do this.

Uh, you can do this?
Haven't you done this before?

Well, not on an actual
person, but it'll be fine.

So, you're a doctor?

Yeah. Well, almost. Fingers crossed.

Hey, maybe we can go
out for a drink sometime?


Oh, my god, just give
us like two minutes?

I'm here!

The father? Just in time. I need you.

Riley, here, hold my hand.

G... Ohh, god!

- Ow!
- Come on! Big push!

Okay, give me one more.

Is that it? Did I do it?

You did it. And he's perfect!

I can't believe it's really you.

You were amazing.

No, you were amazing.

Hey, can we all agree
that I was amazing?

Hey, little buddy. Are
you ready to meet your mom?

I love him.

So do I.

And I love you.

Hey, since you're already
gonna be watching

one baby tonight,
can you watch Emma,

so I can go out with Elle?

So, Sweet Pea, you and I have to talk.

I'm startin' to realize that maybe
I can't always be your everything,

but I finally found that
girl we saw nine months ago.

Now, I don't know what's gonna happen...

but if I do it right... there's
a chance that you might finally

have a full-time mom.

What do you think?

I only need you, daddy.

I love you, sweetheart.

Well, little girl, it's good to
know that we have each other.

Because no matter what happens,

it's always just gonna be the two of us.

No, Brad, not every construction worker

that is whistling is looking at you.

Hi, sweetie.

Oh my gosh...

Well, I take that back.

I don't think it's ever
gonna just be the two of us.

Oh, I can finally
have a glass of wine!
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