03x21 - Darkhawks on the Edge of Town

[bunniefuu]

The Darkhawks will rue the day
they attempted to destroy Asgard

with this mechanical imposter
of your beloved rodent.

However, their treachery
has yielded us a w*apon

which will rain down our
vengeance upon their realm.

And especially upon their
leader, my brother, the Serpent.

Um, just so we're
clear, Your Odin-ness,

that's after we rescue Rocket and everyone
else the Darkhawks captured, right?

My brother will not yield without a
fight, Peter Quill.

Which is why I had your
weapons upgraded...

in the Forge of Asgard.

I am Groot.

I have not forgotten you,
Monarch of the Branch Worlds,

Ruler of All He Shades.

I am Groot!

And now, brave Guardians,
my son, Prince Thor,

will enlighten you on the
particulars of your quest.

[beeps]

As we have just
recently learned,

the conduit between our galaxy
and the Serpent's fortress

lies within the Continuum
Cortex of Knowhere,

which is currently in the
hands of the Darkhawks.

We Asgardians will storm the giant
celestial head in glorious battle,

risking life and limb
against overwhelming odds,

to take down every
last Darkhawk.

Meanwhile, you common Guardians

will employ your usual methods
of sneakiness, thievery,

and general skullduggery...

For a vital mission...

Which none of you will likely survive.
Huzzah!

Huzz... Wait.
What was the last part?

Uh, huzzah...

What Fandral meant to say was,

while we create a
diversion on Knowhere,

you will sneak into
the Darkhawk realm

and plant the b*mb at the
base of the energy core,

located at the very heart
of the Serpent's fortress.

Will we not then be destroyed
along with the Darkhawk realm?

Nay, friend Drax,

if you escape through the Darkhawk
side of the Continuum Cortex.

Which is located where, exactly?

'Tis pity I know not, Gamora.

Heed well, Guardians.

Should your mission fail, I shall
personally destroy all of Knowhere,

thus preventing the Serpent
and his army of Darkhawks

from ever invading
our galaxy again.

And trapping you in the
Darkhawk realm for all eternity.

Huzzah-aah!

Heimdall, open the Bifrost!

We can ill afford to provide the
Serpent a direct path into Asgard,

so Heimdall will transport you as
close to his fortress as possible.

Okay, remind me why we're
on board with this plan.

I am Groot.

[sighs] Just had to play the family
card, didn't you?

Okay, hate to admit it, but I'm
starting to think Fandral was right

on the whole "not
surviving" thing!

We are not as close to the
Serpent's fortress as possible,

but we are approaching
it rapidly.

Okay, everyone,
get ready to jump.

Jump where?

On me!

I am Groot!

Whee!

Not exactly welcoming, is it?

What gave you the first clue?

Perhaps the fact that there
are no doors and windows.

We need to scale the wall and
make our way in from the top.

Or punch our way in from the bottom!
[grunting]

I am Groot.

Or maybe we can just call for some chick up
in the tower to let down her golden hair.

[sighs] Earth story. Never mind.

I am Groot!

Well, it's not Sister Golden
Hair, but it'll do.

Now what? We can't just stroll
around inside a Darkhawk base.

Hmm? How about we hitch a ride?

But those pods are for
the Darkhawks' prisoners.

Exactly.
Look, if we get in them,

they'll lead us straight to the
folks we're trying to rescue.

[grunts]

I am Groot!

Get down! [grunts]

Are you trying to get us caught?

What? These upgraded blasters
take some getting used to.

[Darkhawk guard] These pods
should not block the hallway.

Put them with the others.

[Drax] That is a great
number of prisoners.

[Quill] Yeah, which is why they put
the Continuum Cortex portal to Knowhere

right here in this room.

We need to find Rocket.

I don't suppose the Darkhawks
thought to label the prison pods,

maybe print a helpful index?

I am Groot!

[Quill] The whole
Galactic Council's here.

And the entire population of Knowhere.
But still no Rocket.

You are correct, Gamora.
That pod does not contain Rocket.

You Darkhawks won't take me alive...
again!

[all grunting]

Aw, you like that? A little something
I rigged up from bits of your buddies!

Rocket, wait! It's us!
The real us!

Nice try, Darkhawk. Think I don't
know an imposter when I s... [yells]

[grunts] Aah!

Aah!

[grunts]

[grunts] Groot!
They got you too?

I am Groot!

[grunts]

[both grunting]

[Rocket grumbling]

[grunts]

Now see how you like being
turned into Darkhawk dust!

It's us, Rocket.
Put down the w*apon.

You're all Darkhawks.

The real Quill is,
like, 20 pounds fatter.

What? No, I'm not.

I am Groot!

Oh, that's just what
a Darkhawk would say.

Destroy the intruders.

Or they might say
something like that.

[Darkhawk guard]
Destroy the intruders.

Okay, slight possibility...
only slight...

that I was wrong,

and you guys are the real deal.

Drax will prove the
realness of his deal.

[yells]

[grunting]

[grunting]

I... am... Groot!

So,
what happened to my faux-bot?

That is a funny story.
He rigged himself into a b*mb

that we're gonna use to blow
up the whole Darkhawk realm.

[laughs] Who knew fake
me was so awesome?

I'd rather have a real you back.

I must say,
these upgraded weapons

made short work of
those Darkhawks.

Evacuating these prisoners, however,
will be extremely long work.

Well, then,
let's start with two who can help.

Peter Quill...

What exactly is going on here?

Uh, so, long story, Nova Prime.

Cosmo give short version.

Darkhawks replace
people in galaxy.

Guardians here to
destroy evil Serpent man

and rescue every people.

It's like you read my
mind, Cosmo.

Oh, wait. You did.

This animal is a telepath?

Da. And good dog with good plan.

Nova Prime,
please to go through portal

and play fetch with
Cosmo and prisoner pods.

Cosmo will explain
while we make rescue.

Come on, guys.
We got a b*mb to plant.

I thought you'd never ask.

Ugh.
I hope that telepathic mongrel

can load those prison pods
faster than one at a time.

Stop what you are doing. Heel!

Back away,
and Cosmo will not hurt!

How did you get here?
You were on the other side of the portal.

Unless...

Cosmo will no longer
be needing disguise.

[grunts]

Darkhawks are everywhere.

[grunts]

[grunting]

And soon whole galaxy will know.

Nothing will stop Darkhawks!

[descending whirring]

Nothing but the might of Asgard!

[Rocket] So this Serpent guy
is really Odin's brother?

[chuckles] I can
see the resemblance.

[Drax] And yet he does
not resemble a serpent.

Odin still fears him,
so we'd better not risk waking him.

Huh! Seriously?!

This is what fake
Darkhawk me calls a b*mb?

Shh!

[quieter] I could build a
better b*mb in my sleep.

Give me one of your
electromagnets, Quill.

- [Quill, quietly] Fine, but don't make any noise.
- [clicks]

Ahhh...

[loud beep, whirring]

[gasping breath]

[weak, raspy voice] Intruders.

Oh, man. This dude's a much
lighter sleeper than Odin.

And needs a lozenge.

Whosoever utters the name

of my accursed brother

shall perish in indescribable agony.
[exhales]

[roaring]

So that is why he is
called the Serpent.

Okay, definitely
feeling the thr*at now.

[roaring]

[Quill] No need to panic.
They're just standing there, right?

[weak,
raspy voice] Destroy them!

[Quill] Now we can panic!

I am Groot!

[yells]

[groaning]

[grunting]

[groans, grunts]

Aahh! [groans]

Krutack! They're canceling
out our energy weapons.

Then we'll just have
to overload them.

[roaring]

[Gamora] Or make
them more powerful.

You and your weapons
reek of Asgard.

If my brother thinks he can
defeat me with underlings...

I really don't have time to wait for you
to get to the end of that sentence, so...

Aah! [grunts]

Huh?

Even a simple expl*sive device
is beyond your mortal abilities.

For your information, Serpie,
it's a vibrational device!

And Quill triggered the detonator
before it reached optimum frequency!

- [yells]
- Ow!

What, so it's harmless now?

Did I say that?

So, move up the part of the plan
where we get the flarg outta here?

The b*mb's running a
power-boost feedback loop,

which makes our chances
practically nil.

Better than we usually get. Go!

[Drax] Cosmo, flee, now!

[Cosmo] Cosmo not have fleas,

and he's not yet finished
evacuating prisoners.

But you got everyone who
owes me units, right?

Just hurry up so we can get to Knowhere
before Odin decides to blow it up.

[pants] And here I thought

I'd have to infiltrate
the entire galaxy

to get to my brother.

[roaring]

Keep him away from the portal!

[grunting]

[yells]

[grunts]

[yells]

Odin thought he
could separate me

from Asgard's
life-giving World Tree.

He left me the
withered husk I am now,

but no longer! [grunts]

Aah! [straining]

[yells, grunts]

[yells, grunts]

[grunts]

[grunts]

Will anything stop these
overgrown mealworms?

Nothing you possess, rodent.

- [Rocket] Don't call me "rodent"!
- [yells]

[grunts]

[grunts] Whoa!

[roaring]

[growling]

Yield, creature!

Hang on, guys! I got an idea!

[roaring]

[screeching]

Now I will be All-Father.

I will reign over
the Nine Realms

and the entire galaxy.

Here's another option.
Go back to sleep for another 10,000 years.

[grunts]

All prisoners safe in Knowhere.

Time for Guardians and
Cosmo to be leaving.

Preferably before
those snakes escape.

- [roaring]
- Which is now no longer an option.

Wait. You... Ohh!

[all grunt]

[quivering voice] I am Groot.

I know he's scary-looking.
That don't mean you gotta stare at him!

[roaring]

I am Groot!

[roaring]

[yells, groans]

Ha! We're alive!

In your moo-stached
face, Fandral!

- Ow. [laughs]
- Huzzah.

[both yell]

I am Groot!

What do you mean,
something's got your leg?

[straining]

I am Groot!

Just chop it off!
You'll grow another one!

This is not being good!

[Thor] Stand back, Guardians.

This is Asgard's fight.

Brother, I banished you once
to the far side of the galaxy.

I have the power to do so again.

You squandered your
power, brother.

You could have
conquered the galaxy,

made its inhabitants
your servants!

A just ruler does
not need servants.

My people follow of
their own free will.

[Thor, Heimdall,
Fandral] Huzzah!

[roaring]

For Asgard! [yells]

[laughing]

[grunting]

[grunts]

[yells]

[grunting]

Ha-hah! [grunts, groans]

Asgard's getting the
krutack kicked out of them!

[yells, grunts]

[groaning]

[cries out]

I look forward to destroying
you, Brother Odin,

- but not before making you
watch the destruction - [gasps]

of your own son, Thor!

[roaring]

No!

We just gonna stand
here and watch?

Come on, Quill. Distract him with
one of your stupid dance-offs.

Dude, he's already distracted.

- [laughing]
- Now's our chance!

[crackling]

Huh?

You're treading on thin ice.

[grunting]

Please to keep Serpent
off-balance. Go!

- [grunts]
- Aah!

Yo, Serpie, watch your step!

[grunts]

[screams]

And that's how you
take down a Serpent.

[Thor crying out]

Down but not out.
He's still connected to his energy snakes.

[crying out]

Then we must sever that connection.
[grunting]

You can't sever
an energy portal!

Portal must be held
open on Darkhawk side.

Cosmo cannot shut off!

Why shut it off when
you can blow it up?

I am Groot?

Yes, you can push the
buttons, bud.

Push all the buttons!

[giddy laughter]

[yells]

Guys?

[grunts]

Overload faster!

[grunts]

I lay claim to my birthright!

I will rule Asgard
and all the galaxy!

The galaxy has other plans.

All will tremble before
the might of the Serpent!

[grunts]

I will never give up!

[Quill] And apparently
you'll never shut up, either!

Can we move this thing along?

Aahh!

[yells]

Odin, the day of my retribution

is coming! [yelling]

Guardians, once again,
I am in your debt.

We accept all
forms of payment...

units, weapons, Asgardian gold.

I had another kind
of payback in mind.

[grunts]

I am Groot! I am Groot!
I am Groot!

I am...

- Before I take you down, I wanna hear you say my name.
- Huh?

Say it.

It's "Star-Lad," right?

Ugh! Seriously?! Do I...

[grunts]

Huzzah!

[grunts]

[clattering]

Fandral!