02x11 - N-E-- NEW Y-- YEAR'S E-- EVE

[bunniefuu]

Good morning, DiMeos.

[PEPPER BARKING]

Good morning, Pepper. Whoa. [LAUGHS]

Welcome, Kenneth. Pepper's
sorting us by gender.

- Okay. Why?
- Don't know.

But it was important enough
to start at : this morning.

Pepper's been showing us all he learned

in his service dog training.

He can undress JJ.

He brings us food.

He gets the lights.

Oh, thanks, Pepper.

He even helps you when you get anxious.

But he's also been showing us

why he got kicked out of the program.

Please, not again. I want them on.

Pepper has his own
plans... For our clothes...

Pepper, please. I hate bananas.

For what we eat,

and for our sanity.

[VOICE BREAKING] I'll tell you anything

you want to know,
Pepper! Just make it stop!

Drool makes me anxious.

So he's got some skills,

but a frustrating inability
to play by the rules.

This dog is a DiMeo.

No, Pepper! Not the lights! Stop it!

[LAUGHS] It's not so easy, is it?

Come here, Pepper.
Come here, poochie-poo.

Hey, Pepper. Who's a good
boy? Who's a good boy?

Wait. I'm the one who wanted him.

Why does he like everyone more than me?

I don't know. It just
feels nice to get a win.

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYS]

, , , , , .

Whoa. This is...

White. Yeah.

JJ's got that big New Year's Party.

So he wanted to explore some
creative dancing strategies.

How much are we paying
you for these sessions?

For the last six weeks, nothing.

Dance on!

Oh, actually, I should get going.

Lost track of time. Almost
gave you your whole hour.

So, the Double J's got a
really exciting night out.

- Hey, what about you, Jimmy?
- [MUSIC STOPS]

Uh, what do you got planned?

I might be exploring some creative
dancing strategies of my own.

I'm spending the night
out on the town with Maya.

Good for you, buddy. You
two never get time alone.

♪ Jimmy's gonna get some lovin' ♪

♪ Jimmy's gonna get some lovin' ♪

That was disrespectful.

♪ Maya's gonna get some lovin' ♪

Stop your bawdy playfulness.

Jimmy, I've been thinking
about tomorrow night,

our night together.
It's going to be great.

I totally agree with the need for it.

I'd like you to go alone.

No! We are going out together.

Yeah, but what if they need
us? What if JJ needs us?

What if there's a fire?

Why would there be a fire?

Because of the earthquake.

Something's gonna happen,
Jimmy. It always does.

Come on. It's New Year's Eve.

When was the last time you and I

spent New Year's Eve together, just us?

Oh, I don't answer questions
that prove someone else's point.

KENNETH: Well, you sure do deserve it.

Ring in the new year, have some fun.

Yeah! So, what are we doing tomorrow?

We?

Uh, we don't have plans tomorrow.

Uh... we do.

We made a plan this
summer, you canceled,

but promised to to reschedule,
we made plans again,

then you canceled those, I said,

"You're not just gonna keep canceling

and never actually do it, right?"

And you said, "Me? Nah!"

And I said, "So when are we going?"

And you said, "Ya know, in a bit."

And I said, "Okay,
but this year, right?"

And you said, "Of course!"
And the year ends tomorrow.

[MAYA GASPS]

♪ Kenneth's gonna get some lovin' ♪

- ♪ Kenneth's gonna get some lo... ♪
- Stop it!

Okay. Well, uh, I guess you and I

will be spending New
Year's Eve... together.

- Mm.
- [PEPPER BARKING]

Pepper! What is your deal?

You're supposed to be my weird dog.

Sit on me.

In a minute. I need this.

[CHUCKLES] 'Sup, Ray?

Oh, hi, I was just leaving.

Oh, I'm so sorry, Justin, I
must have accidentally told you

to come too early, and
now you have to stand there

and see my girlfriend kiss me goodbye.

Aah! What a scheduling nightmare.

[WHISPERS] Sorry.

Bye, Justin. Happy New Year.

You too. What do you two
have planned for tomorrow?

Oh, my friend's parents are out of town,

so we're going on her boat.

It's just gonna be a small
thing, really intimate.

It's gonna be a special night.

What a joy that woman is.

Dude. She's gonna eat you alive!

What?

A "special night" on
a boat with no parents?

There's gonna be some motion
on that ocean! [LAUGHS]

You ready to rock her world?

Psssh. Yeah.

I-I'm about to get
boisterous on that girl.

It's gonna be so crazy,
I'm gonna get pregnant.

But for the sake of conversation...

wouldn't it be funny

if I were actually super
nervous about all that stuff?

Like, not ready for any of it?

I guess that's kind of humorous.

And what would you tell a guy like that?

Would you tell him to be
honest with his girlfriend?

Oh, definitely not. She
would laugh in his face,

dump him, and then
go hit up his friends.

Oh, yeah, he'd deserve
it. [SCOFFS] That jerk.

But you don't have to
worry about that guy,

because you're "All the way Ray"!

Mothers, lock up your daughters.

What's this doing here?

Not sure. Unrelated, something's
wrong with JJ's wheelchair.

The housing snapped off,
and there's no way to fix it.

He can't go out in this.

"Great. No party for
me. I'll stay home."

See, Jimmy? Something always comes up.

- We'll stay home, too.
- Noooo!

Too dramatic. I'm sorry.

I've gamed out every scenario
for tonight in my mind.

If we leave him alone,

there's a % chance he'll die.

"Don't cancel your plans.

You..." D-E... "deserve a night out."

Fine, you guilted me!

Taylor and I will just
stay here with you, JJ.

So long, romantic boat party.

You don't have to stay.

I'm gonna be here bonding
with my best bud, Pepper.

[PEPPER WHINES]

Ha! Psych!

Got me that time, best bud.

Wait. Dylan and the dog
are gonna be here, too?

That means I won't be able to do

any of the things I'm comfortable with.

See? The kids will all be
together. They'll be fine.

I won't be able to
relax. We can't go out.

Okay.

We can still have a fun night.

Let's go get some party supplies.

We'll be back in a minute, kids.

Yeah, I need my keys.

Uh, Pepper! Keys!

Ohhhh! Weird boy. So weird.

Dude, I heard you with
your friend before.

If you're nervous
about this Taylor stuff,

be straight with her.

Staying here and surrounding
yourself with people

is a really dumb plan.

Look, I don't know what you
think you heard... but ya didn't.

- Hmm.
- You're just not down with the lingo.

See, when we teens
say something is "bad,"

we actually mean it's good, ya dig?

Okay, let me try again.

Uh, your plan is very bad.

See? Now you're getting it!

Ha ha! Too slow.

Well, goodbye, party shirt.

Hello, party supply buying shirt.

Darling, don't hate me.

You know, it's just our life.

We don't get to take the night off.

I know about our life. I love our life.

We've been thrown some curve balls,

stuff that blows a lot
of weaker people up.

Stuff that blows a lot
of strong people up.

And we're good.

That's worth celebrating.

♪

You know what?

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Ahh.

You're not gonna react to
that? I changed my mind.

Oh! Well, that's how you always drive.

I didn't realize. Great, great.

You know the bar is back that way?

[TIRES SCREECHING]

I'm sorry you're stuck here all night.

"It's..." N... "New Year's.

I wanted some..." E-X... "excitement."

[SIGHS]

Huh!

[PARTY FAVOR BLOWS]

Well, I'm around if you need me.

Just gonna be spending quality
time with a dog who loves me.

C'mere, c'mere.

[PEPPER WHINES]

[SIGHS]

Don't run after him.
Show some self-respect.

This is an unrelated run!

- [DOORBELL RINGS]
- Come back, Pepper! Come back!

Hi. Happy New Year.

Hello, ma'am.

[CHUCKLES]

Hi, JJ.

Sorry for the change of plans.

I was really excited for
a romantic evening, but...

I don't know... It
just didn't feel right

to go out when JJ couldn't.

Oh, I understand. That's so sweet.

And don't worry. We can
have plenty of fun later.

That seems insensitive to JJ.

Please help yourself to a refreshment.

- Hey, everyone.
- Kenneth?

Yeah. What? Don't you remember
your parents begging me

to cancel my big plans with
Joyce to come watch you guys?

Not gonna sugarcoat
it, I am very unhappy

to see you people off the clock.

This sucks. I'll be in the kitchen.

I thought you said
surrounding myself with people

was a very dumb plan.

That's weird, because your
plan seems awfully similar.

Ray, now is not the time to nitpick.

Now is the time to foster
a sexless environment.

Think you can do that?

Astronomy club in the house! [LAUGHS]

Who wants to play "San Diego-opoly"?

I'm in.

You invited those guys?

- Hey, hey, hey!
- Oh, I came to the right place.

[LAUGHTER]

Well, I told the kids we
would be out for the night,

and they were fine.

Ray seemed a bit disappointed, though.

He said something about
needing us to be a buffer.

I didn't understand.
That was very sweet.

- I like this place.
- It's fun, right?

Yeah. It sort of reminds me

of that bar we used
to go to in New York.

Do you remember they'd
serve those giant balls

of toxic, fruity rum drinks?

I think we spent our first
New Year's together there.

Did we?

Oh, Jimmy, you're so romantic.

- ♪ Jimmy's gonna get some lovin' ♪
- That's true. I am.

♪ Jimmy's gonna get some lovin' ♪

[LAUGHS]

Oh, no! Darling!

Who's driving home?

A cab. Or my mom.

You know, she always said that
if I ever had too much to drink,

she'd come and get
me, no questions asked.

- [CHUCKLES]
- To us.

All right. We don't do this,
so when we do this, we do this.

Oh, you are scary when you're fun.

Hmm. To us.

Aah! That was too strong.

Yeah.

♪ Ohhhh ♪

This is fun, right?

Just a wholesome New Year's
Eve like the olden days.

JJ, you good over there?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

- Is Taylor here?
- Uh...

Oh, hi.

Taylor, we're gonna go to
Shelby's house, and we were...

There's boys here!

[ALL SCREAMING]

Whoa. This game's only for four players.

You have bad skin, but you're cute.

Dude! What the hell is going on?

Taylor and her friends go
to an all-girls' school.

Any boy to them is like a
water fountain in the desert.

Oh! Oh. That explains a lot
about you and Taylor, too.

No, because we...

- Hmm?
- See, we met...

One problem at a time, Kenneth!

Oh, look at these young lovebirds.

How 'bout we two crusty
veterans show 'em how it's done?

Actually, uh, Kenneth
was just about to show me

the pustule on his foot.

Uh, yeah.

I want to see if it looks like
the pustule on Ray's thigh.

Oh, hey, Taylor.

You got any questions
for the pustule brothers?

Does the question have
to be about pustules?

- It's preferred.
- Yeah, pre... ferred.

Hey, can I sit here?

Okay, great. [SIGHS]

My boyfriend is such a jerk.

He went to Burrito Burrito
without me and posted a picture.

He knows it's my favorite restaurant.

I mean, he doesn't even like it.

He says the fiesta sauce is too tangy.

[SIGHS] I'm sorry for venting.

I mean, you can leave if
you don't want to hear this.

Have you ever loved someone
who brings you nothing but pain?

Why was he at Burrito Burrito?!

[SLURPING]

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]

[LAUGHS LOUDLY]

How many bowls is that?
Hang on. One. And. Two.

Math. Very cool!

Ah! My drunkenness level
has reached "karaoke."

But that bloke's been hogging
the mic for half an hour!

That is a karaoke no-no.

Ha! Wait. You're a band. Carry on.

Pssh! You said you
wanted tonight to be epic.

I don't recall saying that.

Ah! Yes, you do. It's my turn, buddy.

If these girls can flirt
with Ray's band of zeroes,

you can at least sit next to me.

[PEPPER WHINES]

Seriously? Is something wrong with me?

Anyway, those are the six reasons

why I'll probably return my turtle.

How did we even start
talking about this?

Oh! Right. I got the turtle

because stupid Xander's
allergic to everything else.

Except apparently Burrito Burrito.

I can't believe you remembered all that.

You are such a good listener.

I can't remember the last
time I dated a good listener.

Are good listeners also good kissers?

ALL: Spin the dog! Spin the dog!

[PEPPER BARKS]

ALL: Oh! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

Here's a thought...
Does anyone want to watch

Ken Burns' -part
Vietnam w*r documentary?

The New York Times calls it his saddest film.

Ray, there is a time and
place for documentaries,

and this is not it.

- Kenneth!
- Ray!

Oh! There you are. Let's do this, Ray.

There's no point in having the same rash

if we're not gonna put
cream on each other.

[SIGHS] Do you get the feeling
they're trying to ditch us?

This is gonna happen in your life.

Men are threatened by a woman
with strong sexual energy.

- So what do you do?
- You thr*aten them even more.

- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
- [ALL GASP, MURMUR]

Who turned off the lights?

[LIGHT SWITCH CLICKING]

- The power's out.
- [SIGHS]

Wait. This is a good thing.

Darkness will k*ll the party.

YOUNG MAN: I can't see.

Looks like I'm gonna have
to feel my way around.

- [LAUGHTER]
- Ugh! Teens.

Are you like a really old
person trapped in this body?

♪ You're a heartbreaker ♪

♪ Dream maker, love taker ♪

♪ Don't you mess around, no, no, no! ♪

MAN: Get off the stage!
We want the singer!

- That's fair.
- Go on, order us another one.

Sure.

May we please have minus
three scorpion bowls please?

- [CELLPHONE VIBRATING]
- Uh-oh. Wait. It's Ray.

Do we know a Ray?

Hold my shoe.

Oh!

Speaking.

All smooth. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hold on, hold on. Oh, no.

Uh, the power's out at the house.

They need us.

Not us, but, like, the version
of us that can feel our legs.

Darling, it's Mommy. Yeah,
don't worry. Everything's fine.

Okay, the flashlights
are above the fridge.

Dig them out, sit tight,

and just tell everybody
we're on our way home.

Okay?

You're not drunk!

You tricked me.

There wasn't any alcohol in these.

[THUDS]

- [ALL GASP]
- [GROANS]

I drank it all, and that
is how you tricked me.

[ALL CHEERING]

What is this?

Strip "San Diego-opoly," baby!

I dare you to play with us.

We're also playing truth or dare.

Actually, I think Kenneth wants to...

Strip with teens? Oh, no, he doesn't.

And shenanigans aside, I'd like
to be very clear about that.

- [DOORBELL RINGS]
- Maddie?!

- [ALL GASP]
- No way! Xander!

Who is this guy?

He never said his name.

But he means more to me now
than you have or ever will.

- Tell him, guy.
- Go ahead.

Tell me, guy.

Harumph.

Is that a sound I make when I'm upset?

I don't remember a
time before I was drunk.

Why are you upset?

It's a good thing I stayed
sober in case something came up

because something did.

You betrayed me!

Were you even really laughing
at my Forrest Gump impression?

Yeah, I've never seen "Forrest Gump."

What?!

[CELLPHONE RINGING]

[CELLPHONE BEEPS]

Hi, Ray. We're on our way home.

Come quick. Dylan is missing,

some big guy is about to b*at up JJ,

and the darkness is making
things extremely randy.

Dylan's missing?!

Yes, but I feel like the headline

is the randy atmosphere.

If you treasure my
innocence, drive fast.

Ray, we have someone in the car with us.

Forrest Gump. Would
you like to talk to him?

God, no.

Aw, come on, he's good!

[INSECTS CHIRPING]

[GASPS] You found me. You do care.

[SNIFFLES] Wait, how
did you even get up here?

Hmm, doesn't matter.

Hold on a second.

So you didn't care until
I needed you, is that it?

Just playing it too cool.

Well, I try to come off
all tough, but I hurt, too.

[WHINES]

[LAUGHS]

[SIGHS] That's better.

[LAUGHS]

What's up, guy? Awful quiet.

You were talking a lot when you
tried to get with my girlfriend.

Go ahead and fight him.
He'll b*at your ass.

He knows you don't
deserve me. Right, guy?

If you don't beg for forgiveness,

I'm gonna destroy you.

One... two...

What, do you think I'm bluffing?!

You're right. I am,
and I don't deserve you.

But I want to.

But like guy said, it's never
too late to start trying.

Thanks, guy.

Yeah, man. You're the best.

[SIGHS]

I thought she'd never
leave. Mind if I sit here?

Hmm. Strong, silent type.

minutes to midnight. If
we keep playing interference,

we might make it to
the new year unkissed.

We have weird goals sometimes.

Yeah.

[CHUCKLES] Oh.

Ray, we need to talk.

I'll leave the three of you to it.

- Mm.
- Mm-mm!

What's going on with you?

Either you're trying to
set me up with Kenneth

or you're avoiding being alone with me.

Kenneth does have his charms...

Ray, we said that we would
always be honest with each other

about two things... Our feelings

and our chances of getting
into top-tier colleges.

And tonight, I'm sorry, but
I'm giving you a Skidmore.

I'm sorry!

I know guys are always
supposed to be ready

and pushing it and "Ooh, hubba-hubba."

But I'm not like that.

And I can get uncomfortable
with all the... mwah, mwah, mwah.

Yeah, I think we're all
uncomfortable with that.

That's why you're being so weird?

[CHUCKLES ] Ray, it's fine.

No! That is not what you told me.

Ray, this is a woman.
A woman with desires.

She needs to be kissed and kissed good

by someone who knows how,

instead of chasing him all
over some kid party, Kenneth.

And if you're worried
about how to do it, here.

Watch this.

Mm!

Mm!

[GASPS]

Should be something there you can use.

W-W-W-Where are you going, girl?

I-I think you just changed our dynamic.

Honey?

So it's fine.

We can slow things...

How was it?

Be honest.

I have notes.

Yes! I love notes!

Hold up! Stop what you're doing.

Who's bothering JJ? No? Oh, good.

Must have been quite a boring evening.

Do you want me to get you off the sofa?

This guy's advice is
gonna change your life.

- He is so deep.
- Really?

- Hi.
- Hey.

♪

Well, then, let's find Dylan.

I'm here, Mom. Pepper rescued me.

From the pride I wore like armor.

That's gonna keep him busy for a while.

- What about Ray?
- Oh, I'm fine.

I've just got to use
my tongue a little less.

Now we just need to find JJ.

And if he's good, then they're all good.

Jimmy, we did him first.

Well, I forgot!

Mom, we're all fine.

You are.

Yeah, you figured it all out yourselves.

[LAUGHS]

Do you know what? We
do deserve to relax.

Maybe let go a little bit.

I mean, not you.

You've let go quite enough.

But I can. And starting
now, I'm gonna try.

Not until we find Ray.

Ray!

Is everyone ready? Here it comes.

- ALL: Ten! Nine! Eight!
- JIMMY: Eleven! Twelve!

- Other way!
- Seven! Six!

I don't know what we're doing.

Five! Four! Three!

Too cool to count down? That's so hot.

- Two! One!
- Happy New Year!

[ALL CHEERING]

Better?

I think so. Try again.

♪

That's not what I want.

[LAUGHS]

[CELLPHONE BUZZES]

Did you text your Mom
to come and pick us up?

'Cause she's on her way to the airport.

Oh!

Joyce, where are you?

People and dogs are kissing.

- [LAUGHS]
- You messed me up good, girl.