02x15 - U-N-- UNFORGETTABLE P-A-- PAIN

[bunniefuu]

Oh, my poor baby.

You can't sleep, you
haven't eaten for a week.

Do you want some lunch?
I made my chicken soup.

Ever since Taylor
left, food has no taste.

All the more reason to eat
your mom's cooking. Am I right?

Fine, hit me, but add salt!

Ray! This will cheer you up.

Taylor texted to say she's
coming by in two minutes

to pick up her sweatshirt.

Oh, God, she can't see me like this!

So that did not cheer you up.

Huh. Live and learn.

[GROANS] I got to go take a shower.

[GROANS] I'm too weak.

That's why you gotta eat the soup.

I got to hurry up.

"If only this family had
experience showering somebody."

Oh, he's right!

Okay, well, today, it's
Ray whose needs are special.

Let's do this.

♪

Come on, guys! Let's go.

♪

Come on.

[WATER GURGLES]

Clothes!

Why do we even have this?!

♪

Yeah, now he looks better, doesn't he?

Yeah. Still a bit pale, though.

I understand the blush,

but does he really need
eye shadow and lipstick?

Yeah, you're probably right.

♪

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Shampoo suds!

Uh...

[SMOOCHES]

Hi, Ray.

You look good.

- Good game.
- Nice work out there.

Left it all out on the field.
Really nice. Really nice.

- So, things are good?
- So good.

I'm living la dolce vida.

Life is, um...

I'm just gonna say it...

A [BLEEP] blast.

Well, I'm really glad to hear that.

So, I'm here for my sweatshirt.

You sure you don't want to stay?

I just...

caught a marlin.

Was gonna toss it on the
grill, little lemon...

Uh, I'm good. Thanks, though.

Nice seeing you.

♪

So, that went smoothly, I'd say.

That was awful!

She was so distant, so unfeeling.

What about our love, Taylor?

Did it just wash away,
like a dream made of sand?

Oh. That's good.

It's going straight in my song.

[SOBBING]

Who put mascara on me?

♪

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Wonderful work, Aaron. Come on up.

Okay, who can give me some examples

of non-linear storytelling
that Aaron's film recalls?

Yes, JJ.

T-A-R... "Tarantino.

Early Christopher N-O... Nolan."

I just watched "Memento" last week!

I-I also obviously
borrowed from Kurosawa,

with the changes of perspective.

Well, then we change to my perspective.

[SNORES]

Kenneth, we all listened
when you talked about

"B.J. and the Bear" for minutes.

"I also thought it was funny."

[AS TOMMY DEVITO]
Funny, like I'm a clown?

- I amuse you?
- [ITALIAN MUSIC PLAYS]

"No, Tommy, how you tell the
story and E-V... everything."

Yes, we've all seen "Goodfellas."

Like I'm here to make you laugh?

Like I'm here to blankin' amuse you?

I appreciate the not swearing,
Aaron, but it is a long scene.

You're not gonna do the
whole thing, are you?

"Just, you know, how you
tell the story. What?"

Ring! Oh! What do you
know? Class is over.

[NORMAL VOICE] No, no. I
don't know. You said it.

- [SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
- How would I know? You said I'm funny.

Guys, that's the actual bell.

[AS GEORGE BAILEY] Teacher
says, "Every time a bell rings,

an angel gets its wings."

"'It's a W-O... Wonderful Life.'"

Not for me, it ain't.

♪

Hey, did someone change the light bulb?

Maya, we're supposed to
talk about large purchases.

Oh, I had Kenneth do it.

It turns out he's really handy.

I don't know how I feel about that.

I might be more threatened than lazy.

- [GUITAR PLAYING]
- Oh, my God.

Ray's expressing himself through song.

♪ You're the unforgettable pain ♪

♪ You're the sweetest kind of rain ♪

♪ And my brain goes insane ♪

♪ When the Taylor train
rolls through my mainframe ♪

The only thing making
this agony bearable

is the art flowing out of me.

Darling, it's been a week.

All you do is write songs about her

and stare at her phot... [GROANS]

Ray! You were supposed to
take this to Locks of Love.

You got to forget about
her. Move on, darling.

♪ And my mom wants me to move on ♪

♪ She says my baby and her hair is gone ♪

Do not put me in a line with the hair.

It could be quite cute
for parties, though.

DYLAN: Hey, Ray, can
I borrow your guitar?

- [CRASH, SOUR NOTES PLAY]
- Thanks!

No matter what Ray's guitar tells you,

I was acting in self-defense.

JJ, your new film buddy, Aaron, texted.

He's asking if you want to
go to the new Seth Rogen movie

on Saturday.

He thinks it might "amuse you."

[AS TOMMY DEVITO] What, like I'm a clown?

No!

"Tell him I can't go."

Why not?

[NORMAL VOICE] "One-on-one
friend outings aren't my thing."

It's easier in the house or at school,

but going out into the
world with a new friend

makes for some anxiety for JJ.

"I become less a friend

and more someone to take care of."

So he'll deal. You're worth it.

"They never stick around
long enough to find out.

Something always goes W-R... wrong.

It's all fun and games

until there's dog poop
on the wheelchair tire."

Is that, like, a saying?

"I wish."

Well, maybe one of us could go with you.

"An adult there? That's not cool."

You've seen this kid. How
cool do you have to be?

What if you don't go with
an adult? I'll come.

I'm the master of
making things look easy.

I had a lisp until th
grade, but no one ever noticed

because I just pronounced
my S's correctly

when I said stuff out loud.

Kind of sounds like
you didn't have a lisp.

[CHUCKLES]

We can get there early and
make sure our bases are covered.

I can do this.

Well...

♪ You're the unforgettable pain ♪

What is that from? It's so good.

♪

Good morning.

I disagree.

You've been in the house forever.

Let's go out, just the two
of us, and have some fun.

Leave me alone.

Darling, I know this is the
first time you've been dumped...

sorry, "broken up with"...
but it's the first time

I've had to deal with a
child who's been dumped.

Sorry, it just rolls off the tongue
so much easier than "dumped"...

I mean, "broken up with."

Come on. Mummy will get you through it.

Let's go out together.

Don't wallow. DiMeos don't wallow.

Were you looking for this?

You took my wallow box!

And you'll never see it again
unless you come out with me.

Taylor's empty juice boxes?

That is really weird.

Well-played, Mom. Well-played.

- Gimme!
- Jimmy, start the car!

♪

Don't worry, JJ.

I'll make sure everything's lined up

for the smoothest day out ever.

Hi. I'd like to file a complaint.

You just got here.

Doesn't matter. This
ain't our first rodeo.

Let me guess... the handicapped
stall's out of order,

the wheelchair seating's been sold

to people without wheelchairs,

the lift's filled up with boxes,

and your staff is
patronizing and unhelpful.

- Yeah, that's all true.
- Okay, let's fix it.

Also, there aren't enough
Chris Tucker movies.

Are you the one I talk to about that?

Hi. Oh, hello!

Another successful
Saturday at the dog park.

I got three numbers.

Pepper sealed the deal.

- He's fixed, right?
- I dunno.

He's smart, too.

One morning with me, and
he's learned all these tricks.

Pepper. Dance.

[LAUGHS] Whoa!

I want to try. Pepper, dance!

Dance, boy.

Every Pepper dance now.

Pepper, make me feel worthless.

Good boy!

You stole my dog.

What do you mean?

You took him, like you take everything.

You're training my dog, fixing my stuff.

Go get your own mediocre life!

Whoa! What happened to
easygoing, lazy Jimmy?

Something, and he doesn't like it.

I see what's happening here.

You are finally eating the
dust of my natural alpha-ness.

But we're gonna fix this.

You are gonna be the
alpha, starting with that dog.

Ready to be the alpha, Jimmy?

I'm not sure.

More confident!

I'm not sure!

[PANTING] All clear.
Won't be any surprises.

"Thanks. I feel good about this."

Dude. JJ.

A girl.

I just found out that
they're showing "Goodfellas"

in -millimeter over at the Grand.

It's blocks away.

I'm JJ's sister... Dylan.

JJ really likes this theater.

Maybe we stay here.

Uh, we can watch a movie here anytime.

Come on. What do you say?

"Let's do it."

Let's hit the road.

[AS DOC BROWN] Roads?

Where we're going, we don't need roads.

[AS MARTY MCFLY]
Wait, Doc, are you telling me

you built a time machine
out of a DeLorean?

And we're sure this guy's worth it?

MAYA: Ray, check me out!

Look, I'm a mum of the future.

I'm tall, I'm fast,
I'm getting a massage.

Oi! You, go to your room,
or I'll zap you there.

That's a digital meat thermometer.

No one's saying it isn't.

Oh, come on, darling. This
is your favorite store.

There's got to be something
here to make you happy.

[GASPS]

What about this drone?

Wait, really? You'd buy that for me?

Well, I'd let you have it for
a few days, then return it.

I mean, retail therapy, DiMeo style.

Haven't you always wanted one?

I supposed I have droned on about it.

A terrible pun!

Oh, poof! The old Ray is back.

Right. Where to next?

What's another activity that you love?

Ooh, let's ask that guy in glasses.

Excuse me, nerd?

How about we cruise over
to the Woodside Mall?

What, the fancy one across
town with all the soap stores?

Oof. Your day.

Is this a bitcoin?

"So, are we walking
to the theater, or..."

L-Let's just take a car. It's on me.

See? There's tons of cars in the area.

Okay. Cool. Just make sure
it's an accessible car.

Here, just press this button.

[BUZZER]

Whoa!

W-What a weird thing to happen.

Usually, when you hit
the "disability" button,

more cars pop up.

Let's just walk.

Sorry, guys.

I know JJ doesn't want his
kid sister tagging along.

It'll take a little
longer to get around,

but rest assured, it is all my fault.

Oh, do you need...

Sorry. This is my Dumpster.

[STRAINING] I left it here.

[GRUNTS]

Step of being an alpha... Eye contact.

I always feel like you're
looking at my knees.

I just relate more to knees.

[SNAPS FINGERS] Eyes up here!

Good.

Now, on to posture.

Stand tall, like you're in charge.

Speak with authority.

Okay!

Yeah. Alright. I'm liking it.

Give a command.

Pepper, roll over.

[DEEPER, SLOWER] Pepper, roll over.

You don't have to do it in slow motion.

Just say "roll over."

Okay, I-I think I'm still
coming across as the pack leader.

New plan.

- Debase me.
- What?

Humiliate me while your dog
watches. It's the only way.

The only way? Shouldn't we think
about this for, like, a minute?

We're losing daylight!

Ow!

See? Isn't this better
than crying into your box?

Now, which store should we go to first?

I was thinking I might
window-shop on my own for a bit.

Aw. Maya no come-y?

- That okay?
- Okay.

Well, I'll meet you in an hour

by the fountain where
Dylan steals change.

Oh. Mom, I just wanted to
say thanks. You're the best.

[SIGHS]

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]

Wait, the drone, the wallow
box, showing me affection.

What have you got up
your bony, little sleeve?

We're, uh, spoiled in California.

You know, in New York, they
wouldn't even think twice

about walking eight blocks.

[AS RATSO RIZZO] Hey, I'm
walkin' here! I'm walkin' here!

[NORMAL VOICE] Oh,
you can't get over that.

That's why you're not laughing
at my "Midnight Cowboy."

He can't, but that's not why.

Is it maybe easier to go around?

"It's only a few inches off the curb.

Easy-peasy."

Dude! That is, like, inches.

Do you have a death wish?

"If I die, tell Ray he's a dork."

You know I will, buddy.

[SIGHS]

♪

Ray, you're a dork!

Hey! You made it!

"And now the part where the R-A...

Rain short-circuits my chair."

Rain?

- [THUNDER CRASHES]
- Oh, boy.

What are you doing?!

H-Hey! "Shawshank"!

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

Yeesh! Get a screening room, you two.

- Kenneth, off!
- Oh!

Anything you say, Alpha.

[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYS]

Now you may eat.

So alpha!

Alright, now, really give it to me here.

Yeah.

Kenneth, get the paper now!

Oh. [LAUGHS]

Hi. Yeah, this is just a...

It's too hard to explain.
Just give me the package.

[CHUCKLES] In my mouth, dummy.

♪

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

Taylor. Ooh, you were using me.

God!

RAY: ♪ You're the unforgettable pain ♪

- ♪ You're the sweetest kind of rain ♪
- Oh... no!

Uh, w-why are we waiting here?

Can the wheelchair not get wet?

Oh! No, this is all me.

I like standing under awnings.

They're...

romantic.

Now...

kiss me under this dumb thing!

U-uh, w-we should probably
get to... t-to the movie.

Yeah, you guys go.

I-I'll go find some
plastic bags to cover us.

I'll catch up with you guys later!

Let's go!

♪

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]

What happened? Oh, no! Did it short?

Let's just push it.

"It's too H-E-A... Heavy to move."

Let me try.

[GRUNTING]

[AS INIGO MONTOYA]
My name is Inigo Montoya.

You k*lled my wheelchair.

[SLOW-MOTION] Prepare to die!

[NORMAL VOICE] What was that?

Oh! Uh...

Houston, we have a problem.

Uh...

"We're done.

Just go."

No, no. It's okay.

"It's not.

Go now."

At least let me push you
under the awning. I...

"No. Leave."

♪

♪ You're the sweetest kind of rain ♪

♪ And my brain goes insane ♪

[GRUNTS]

[CLATTER, MUSIC STOPS]

What the heck?

Mummy to Ray.

Come in, Ray. Over.

- Mom! What are you doing?
- I'm trying to save you.

This drone is gonna embarrass
you in front of Taylor

and all these people,

some of whom are your
age and quite cute.

Excuse me. Are you single?

This is my son.

Class rank... .

I don't want anyone else. I want Taylor.

Well, this is for your own good.

Give me back my drone!

See how fast he runs, ladies?

[SIGHS] I love you, buddy,
but this part's a drag.

You're gonna have to learn to walk.

I had that guy wrong.

He just rolled you in this and left?

"After I told him to go."

What? Why?

"He was just putting up with me.

They all get sick of it."

So you did this?

You know, I can move all the
Dumpsters out of your way,

but I can't move you out
of your own way.

It doesn't matter if
the world is accessible

if you're not.

"Fine. I'll talk to him."

Good for you!

Go to him!

Oh. Right. Yeah. I'll
get him and bring him here.

That makes more sense.

Mom, stop! You can't do that!

I'm trying to protect you.

Taylor has moved on.

You have to be strong and move on, too.

I don't want to move on.
I want her to take me back.

Yeah, but we're DiMeos. We don't beg.

We pretend we never
cared in the first place

and then we spread
rumors that they breastfed

'til they were .

I must not be a DiMeo, then.

You and I are the most different
people in this family...

- Maybe in the world.
- But, darling...

I want to beg for Taylor,

and I don't want my mom to tell me

my way is wrong and hers is right.

I want her to have my back...
Because she's my mom.

So you want blind loyalty?

Well, then, we have more
in common than you think.

Request granted.

- What do you need?
- My guitar.

[SIGHING] As you wish.

Sit.

Sit!

[HIGH-PITCHED] Okay, okay. Hail Mary.

Berate me in front of the dog.

I'm not gonna berate you.

Talk lower, big boy,
and make some stuff up.

I'll look ashamed.

Kenneth, you're bad.

You drink all our orange
juice a-and steal all our pens.

You... Oh!

You use our Netflix so much

that all our suggestions
are aimed at you.

I don't want to watch
"Broadchurch," Kenneth.

Well, you got to give it a chance.

It gets really good
after the seventh episode.

You're in my house more than I am.

You always b*at me to the
good "That's what she saids."

You spend all day,
every day with my son.

Now if I want to find out what kind
of day he had, I have to ask Kenneth!

Forget the dog. Give
me back my kid, man.

[NORMAL VOICE] That's what this is?

Jimmy, JJ's your guy... Always will be.

But if you feel for a second
that I'm in the way, I'll...

I'll be more sensitive to
it and back the hell off.

I promise you.

Thanks.

[LAUGHS] Look!

He sat!

[LAUGHS]

[LAUGHING] Hey!

[DYLAN PANTING]

Aaron, JJ has something
he wants to tell you.

"Look, today didn't go
exactly how I W... wanted it."

Yeah, yeah, I get it.

Heard it a thousand times.

Okay, you put it up with
it as long as you could,

but now you're tired of me and
my constant movie references.

I'm a burden, hard to be around.

Like John Candy in "Planes,
Trains & Automobiles."

Oh! I'm doing it again! Ohh!

"I can't relate,

but I can see how you
might have that problem.

I think I owe you another sh*t."

[LAUGHING] Yeah?

Uh... okay, then wait right here.

I think I saw something
up there that might help.

[AS THE TERMINATOR] I'll be back.

[NORMAL VOICE] Last one.

["CHARIOTS OF FIRE" THEME PLAYS]

[AS BUZZ LIGHTYEAR]
To infinity and beyond!

[NORMAL VOICE] Last one.

♪

♪

We did it!

[AS SAMWISE GAMGEE]
Mr. Frodo, I can't carry it for you,

but I can carry you!

♪

[GRUNTS]

♪

Ray?

Taylor, I know you must
feel so hurt and angry.

I was a jerk. I let a girl kiss me.

I was wrong.

You're the kindest, most
gentle person I've ever known,

and if given the chance,
I swear I will do better.

I hope you can forgive me.

I wrote this one for you.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[SOUR NOTES PLAY]

When I asked for space, you
said, "Let's stay friends."

I asked, "Are you sure
you'll be okay with that?"

You said, "Sure I'll be okay."

Coming to my work and
causing a scene is not "okay."

Not trusting me is not "okay."

Kissing another girl...
Definitely not "okay."

Your meddling mom... Not okay.

I like it. Yes, I'll take th...

Taylor!

Ha! Goodness.

Ray! [LAUGHING] Hey, dude!

- Okay, well...
- I'm not done.

Keeping my hair... So not okay.

Well, I got you this flower...

Yeah, no, I don't like
that tree at all, actually.

We're gonna take our business elsewhere.

Sorry. Thank you so much.

God, I've never seen sweet,
gentle Taylor so mad before.

- I know. It was great!
- How do you figure?

I wanted to see some
emotion from her, and I did.

She still feels something.
I've got a chance.

So my agreeing to let
you do it your way worked.

Mom...

she hates me!

Yay!

[GRUNTS]

[SIGHS]

[APPLAUSE]

These are great credits.

[CLOSING THEME PLAYS]

"Sorry we missed the movie."

Are you kidding?

I feel like I was just in a movie.

That was crazy fun.

What are we doing next weekend?

"I think this is the B-E...

Beginning of a...

[LAUGHING] beautiful friendship."