02x08 - Head Games

[bunniefuu]

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

(ALARM RINGING)

(JOYFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, well...
why don't we just get started, huh?

Well, as I said before, everyone,
this is Chad Rhimes,

my new campaign consultant.

He is going to help me
do my speeches, make appearances...

Well, I'm going to be doing
much more than that, Eileen.

This is your first statewide election.

I need to help you
and your family project an image

that the people of California will...

take to their hearts.

What, uh... what's wrong
with our image now?

Nothing, nothing.
It's a fabulous image.

I just want the public to see
how fabulous your family is.

(CHUCKLING)

You know,
Louis ought to be hearing this.

-Can't believe he's not here yet.
-Yeah, you know, it's not like him.

He's usually so considerate.

Out of my way!

I owe you a corn dog, Lefkowitz.

Now my primary job is
to get your mother nominated

in the primary election.
No pun intended.

(LAUGHS)

You intended that pun. (LAUGHING)

Okay, now the only thing

that people of California need to know
is that you're a happy normal family.

(CHUCKLES)

You don't have to worry about that.

-We are an extremely normal family.
-(DOOR OPENS)

Hey, guys. What did I miss?

What did you do to your hair?

My hair... isn't it cool?
It's my science fair project.

I planted seeds,
and now I'm growing vegetables.

Look right here, look.
This is radishes... this row, right?

And this is carrots.
You like sweet potatoes?

-Louis?
-Yeah?

You are not walking around
with a vegetable garden on your head

while your mother is running
for Secretary of State.

Well, why not?

This could be her platform.
"End World Hunger."

Okay, p-please tell me
that this is the wacky next-door neighbor.

(CHUCKLES)

Uh, the boy with the farm
on his head is my son Louis.

Isn't he adorable?

(FUN MUSIC PLAYING)

Well, looks like I have my work
cut out for me, now don't I?

Now your mother is making
her official announcement

tomorrow in
The Sacramento Morning News.

Actually, a reporter is coming here.

We're going to be on television?

(CHUCKLING) Uh, what do I say?

Uh, nothing, nothing.
All you have to do is smile,

nod politely.

And you...

-lose the weeds.
-All right, fine.

But you guys are missing out
on some good skull sprouts.

Thank you. Thank you.

Yeah, I really think it's big enough.
(CHUCKLES)

Eileen, I picked out wardrobe
for all of you.

Oh, wardrobe.

Uh, Chad, gee,
don't you think maybe

we're carrying this image thing
a little too far?

Eileen, this is what you pay me for.
I'm trying to help your family project

that classic All-American look.

Yeah.

EILEEN: Don't you think this is maybe
getting a little bit ridiculous?

We don't really walk around
like this.

Eileen, you'll thank me
when you're in the White House.

Come on, Mom.
Whatever it takes to get elected, right?

CHAD: Okay, quiet, everyone,
they're starting.

(NEWS PROGRAM THEME PLAYS)

ANNOUNCER: Five, four, three...

-CHAD: Smile!
-ANNOUNCER: ...two, one.

Hi, and good morning,
Sacramento.

I'm Cynthia Mills here at the home
of State Senator Eileen Stevens,

author of the recent Family Care Bill.

Ms. Stevens is about to make
a formal announcement

that she will run
for Secretary of State.

-It is expected to be a tight race...
-Where's Louis?

-...against her opponent...
-I'll get him down here.

-By any means possible.
-...local businessman Charles L. Hackster.

-Louis. It's show time! Let's go!
-No way.

-Come on!
-No.

Louis, get down there.
You're making Mom look bad.

She cannot look any worse than me.

So that's why I decided to run
for Secretary of State.

CYNTHIA: Well, you certainly have
the support of your lovely family.

LOUIS: I'm not talking
to any stupid reporter, okay?!

Look, there are the boys now.

LOUIS: Put me down, Crab Goose!

Is something wrong, little guy?

What? Did you just call me a little guy?
Is that what you just said?

I am not a little guy.
And these are not my pants.

Look at this over here.
These are not my pants!

Get off me!

You understand!
I'm not shorty pants kid!

(SCREAMING)

Senator Stevens, any idea
why your son is running amok?

Well, that all depends on
what your definition of "amok" is.

(SCREAMING)

Uh, why don't we go
into the kitchen

and my mom can make us
some all-American apple pie?

STEVE: Get him, Donnie!

Uh, Eileen, I've decided to resign
as your image consultant.

Okay.

CYNTHIA: The Senator's son
is totally out of control

destroying everything in his path.

Ow!

Including my little toe!

-You little...!
-I'm not shorty pants kid!

(BROADCAST TONE BUZZES)

It's Ren.

Hey, Ren.

I saw your family on TV this morning.

What a circus.

(LAUGHTER)

Please, Larry, not today.

Oh, okay, I'm sorry.
I know it must rough.

I just have one question.
What is your mother running for?

The Ringmaster?
'Cause I just wanted to know.

Hey, Snarky.

For a guy with a tiny brain,
you got a big mouth.

(FAST PACE MUSIC PLAYING)

Ooh, Nelson...

are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Look, I appreciate
you speaking up for me

-but you don't have to fight my battles.
-Yeah, I'm sorry.

It's just that when someone puts
my friends down

something inside of me snaps.

But then, like, you know,

it snaps back, and it's like,
"Who said that?"

Look, Nelson, you're a lover,
not a fighter.

You're actually not a lover, either.

But you are a nice guy.

Hey, thanks a lot.

I'm not shorty pants kid!

(GLASS BREAKING)

CYNTHIA: The scene grew worse

as the wild child proceeded
to destroy furniture,

camera equipment
and this reporter's baby toe.

Currently, we have with us
Senator Eileen Stevens' opponent

in the race for Secretary of State,
Charles L. Hackster.

It makes one wonder,

how can Eileen Stevens claim
to support families

when she can't even control her own.

I know my children would never
behave like that.

(PUNCHING REMOTE BUTTON)

And in other news

State Senator Eileen Stevens'
youngest son went berserk

on a local news show.

(REMOTE CLICKING)

El niño loco.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

...Louis Stevens...

We don't need to see any more
of this.

LOUIS: Hey, guys.

What's wrong? Nothing on the tube?

Okay, okay, okay.

Mom, he's all yours.
Go get him.

Guys, guys.

This is all my fault.

I never should have hired
that consultant.

Ma.

Ma, come on.

You're a good kid.
You are.

Now you messed up.

But it happens, right?

Right?

Louis,

my bad judgment does not excuse
your behavior.

You have to take responsibility
for that.

Now do you have any idea

how much work I have to do
to undo all of that damage now?

Do you? You don't.

You don't!

Ma, it will blow over.

It's yesterday's news, Mom.

There he is.
There's the wild child.

I think he's about to go bananas.

Hey, Ren.

Louis, what is it? I'm working
on my science fair project.

Ren... I really
messed things up for Mom.

I need your help.

Sit down.

Thank you.

Hmm, what is this here?

Louis!

Mmm.

Now that stuff is good.

(BURPS) That's really good stuff
right there.

(REN GASPS)

Louis, you are always
going to embarrass Mom

if you keep acting like this.

You think I want to be
"The Wild Child"? I don't!

I want to be "The Cool Kid."
"The Fun-to-Be-with Boy."

"The Makes-His-Parents-Proud Person."

Well, for that you're going to have
to change your whole image.

I'm not wearing the shorty pants, okay?

(GROANS) You know what I mean, Louis!

Yeah, I know. I know.

Look, I know you better than anyone

and if you set your mind to something
you're going to do a great job.

Well, the science fair.

I mean, if I won the science fair...
it's just a prediction...

if I won the science fair,
Mom would be proud of me, right?

Yeah. Sure.

Well, you know, I have
the eighth-grade prize lined up

but seventh grade... wide open.

It's wide open.
I'm down with that.

I am committed, Ren.
I'm going for it man, Ren.

-All right, go ahead.
-I'm serious about...

Hey, Ren, you got
any more of that stuff?

Oh, yeah, down at the sewage dump.

(LAUGHING): At... the sewage dump.

(BUBBLING)

(BELL DINGING)

Hey, Nelson.

Okay, um...

why do you want to learn
how to fight?

Well, because my nose keeps writing checks
my fists can't cash.

What?

I'm a hothead, literally.
Feel my head.

Okay, give me your best sh*t.
Go on.

Oww! Oww.

You got any ice?

I got an idea. Come here.

What I'm about to reveal to you
can never leave this room.

-Agreed?
-Yeah, sure.

Okay. I'm going to teach you

about the ancient art of Ka-Ting.

The power of the pinkie.

By poking your opponent
in one of the five secret power points

you can turn them instantly
into a hopeless blob of jelly

for three to four minutes.

-Really?
-Yeah.

Watch, come here.
Stand up.

Okay, poke me, uh, between
the third and fourth rib

on the right side.

Okay.

(GASPING)

Donnie?

Donnie?

Louis...

What are you doing
with the vacuum cleaner?

The lawnmower?

The hot water heater?

A fan and that?

Ren, I've been up all night
working on my science fair project.

And I have to say
that it is the greatest idea.

It could be a boon to humanity.

I mean, it could change the way we live.

Or it could just be the chocolate talking.

What are you making?

It's called the Eco-Bot .

Oh, what does it do?

Well, I don't know yet,
but it has the coolest name.

Louis...

Ren, no more chit chat.
I have a science fair to win.

Whatever.

(BELL RINGING)

I can't believe Louis is working so hard.

I actually think he's getting
his act tonight.

And if I say that enough times
maybe I'll start to believe it.

Hey, what are you two
no-good-nicks looking at?

Hah!

You got something to say to Ren Stevens,

you say it to me. Got it?

Hah!

Hey, where are you going, huh?

Nelson...

(NELSON LAUGHING)

Okay, what did do you to Nelson?

-What?
-What does this mean?

Uh, sorry, Ren.
Nelson swore me to secrecy.

Oh, he said
that you were teaching him martial arts.

How could you possibly
take a nice kid like Nelson

and turn him into a k*ller?

Ren, look,
the kid can't even win a pillow fight.

(LAUGHS)
I made up some bogus pinkie thing, uh...

-Ka-Ting.
-Yeah, that's it.

Well, at least he has some confidence now.

Confidence to, uh
get into a fight that he can't win.

Being tough is % attitude.

What's the other %?

Oh, getting your butt kicked.

-Oww!
-Thanks a lot.

Oh, man, that hurts.

Where are all
the vacuum cleaner attachments?

I have no idea...

but, Mom, I really need
to talk to you about Louis.

I think he's trying to change.

-Into what?
-Oh-oh... a good kid.

I know that he's really upset
he messed things up

-and he just wants you to be proud of him.
-Oh, honey, I am proud of him.

Well, good.
Then you can come to the science fair.

He's been working on his project
day in and day out.

I can't.
I called this big press conference.

I have to do major damage control.

Well, honey if I don't show up
they'll think I'm not serious at all

about this campaign.

Where is the hot water?

Again, I have no idea.

Just relax. You're going to do fine.

(ELECTRONIC NOISES)

Man, are you tense.

Oh, being around horses
irritates my sinus cavities.

And peanuts, cashews and almonds,

they cause me
general abdominal discomfort...

which I won't go into detail.

Thank you.

No. Thank you.

So, how did I do?

Great. You know,
I'm feeling nauseous myself.

Good.

Uh, Ren, I have some unfinished business.

Could you watch my project for me?

Oh, sure.

Hey, microbes.

Remember me?

(LAUGHS) Hey, look, it's Locker Stuffing.

Don't make me use these.

(KARATE YELLS)

Can I speak to you for a second?

-What? I can take those guys.
-Oh, I know.

You do?

Donnie told me
what you're capable of.

It's terrifying.

If you ever unleash that kind of power
on anyone just to save me,

well, I wouldn't be able
to forgive myself.

Well, I just want people
to know that I-I'm dangerous.

Oh, but they do!

It's in your eyes.
You're a changed person now.

Really?

Stop it. Stop it! Stop it!

You're terrifying me!

Whoa.

I better put these babies away.

Yeah.

-Phew.
-Phew.

WOMAN: Senator Stevens.
Please, please.

Senator, Senator...

where is the wild child?

You know, I think we should forget

about the embarrassment
of the past and focus in

on the issues at hand,

like public health
and education and family care.

Any questions?

Is there any truth to the rumor

you have sent him off
to a desert work camp?

The mechanical motion of the bicycle
powers the TV and the VCR.

It's called "Larryvision."

It keeps me lean, mean
and caught up on my soaps.

This is something
I taped earlier this week.

I'm no shorty pants kid!

-(ALL LAUGHING)
-I've seen that before.

Yeah, and after the th time
it gets a little old.

All right, so what's the deal?
Is Mom coming?

-Did you tell her? What's going on?
-She's got this press conference thing.

Louis, I'm sorry. I tried.

I really did.

And for our final project

created by Louis Stevens,
seventh grade.

So, tell us about your project.

All right, well, um,
this is the Eco-Bot .

It's an a*t*matic
can and plastic bottle crusher.

It also recycles,
keeps the streets clean

and makes a pretty cool crushing sound.

Can we see how it works?

Yes. Yes.

Prepare to be amazed, guys.

It also cracks walnuts,
kills spiders

and it makes pita bread, too.

The Eco-Bot .

Keeping America proud...

safe...

and clean.

(HEROIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Thank you.

Louis! Louis.

-Mom.
-Louis, hi.

Oh, my gosh.

They're judging right now.

Okay, this year's first prize,
seventh grade,

goes to Louis Stevens
and the Eco-Bot .

Well, honey, you did it.
You did it. Congratulations.

WOMAN: Excuse me. Reporter
with extremely painful broken toe

coming through... there she is.
Excuse me. Give it to me.

It looks like we have finally caught up
with Senator Stevens

here at this school science fair.

Senator Stevens,

why did you walk out
on your own press conference?

Because I realized
that my place was here with my son

whom, I am proud to say,

just won the prize
for the seventh grade science fair.

Well, what is this prize-winning project?

Oh, here, I'll tell you.
This is the Eco-Bot

and pretty soon it will be
in every kitchen in America.

Prepare to be amazed.

(ZAPPING)

Run for your lives!

So, Senator Stevens,
still proud?

Of course I'm proud.

I'm there for my kids / ,
no matter what.

LOUIS: Run for your lives!

(KNOCKING)

Hey, Mom.

Hi, honey, did you finish
those apology letters to your classmates?

Well, yeah, I'm signing them right now.

Okay, I love you.

-I love you, Mom.
-Okay. Sweet dreams.

-Yeah, sleep good.
-All right.

Keep them coming, Eco.

After this, we're breaking
into Ren's piggy bank.

(THEME SONG PLAYING)