02x15 - Sibling Rivalry

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(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(ALARM RINGING)

(SLURPING)

(LIGHTSABERS BUZZING)

(expl*si*n)

ALL: We are the Wombats!

At the top we can't be stopped.

-We'll strive...
-Yeah!

...to reach our goal.

The Wombats are in control!

MONIQUE: Okay, girls,
that was better.

Nice job, spotters.

And not to single anyone out

but, Ren, when you do your splits,

you've got to be excited.

(ALL CHEERING)

Okay, I'll try.

(BREAKING WIND)

(LAUGHING)

That was not me.

-That was not me.
-(CHEERING)

Dude, I can't believe
Ren's a cheerleader.

She needs it for her resume or something
to show she has school spirit.

Miss Morgan, our new advisor,
will be here any minute.

And it is important that we show her
cheerleaders just don't say things,

they scream things. Right, girls?

(CHEERING)

All right, yelling... I got it.

Everyone, it's Miss Morgan.
Come on.

MONIQUE: Hit it!

ALL: Miss Morgan! Miss Morgan!

Who's that?

I don't know, some lady.

Miss Morgan!
We welcome Miss Morgan!

Girls, that was wonderful.

Oh, thank you.

You're so sweet.

Oh... I love the smell of pompoms.

Thank you.

Um, you know,
this is my first day, too

and, well, if you're half
as nervous as I am,

believe me.

Miss Morgan, can I borrow
Miss Chatty Pants here?

(SPARKLING MUSIC PLAYING)

Wow.

You are the most beautiful woman
I've ever seen in my life.

And if it's okay with you
I'd like to do an interpretive dance.

(BONGO MUSIC PLAYING)

(BREATHLESSLY): That...
that was great...

but I have to go.

Okay, girls, now show me
what you got.

One, two!

Our team, yeah

is out of sight!

At the top we will unite!

Come on, crowd, help us out.

-Yell, green!
-Green!

-Yell gold!
-Gold!

-What am I doing?
-Green and gold!

-All right!
-(REN SCREAMS)

Oh, my gosh, Kenny!
Oh, are you okay, Kenny?

Get up, Kenny.

(GROANS)

That... that's it!

That's it.
That's the third time this week.

I quit! I quit! I quit!

Oh... Wait...

Thank you so much
for volunteering to be the mascot.

You know, we were looking
for someone with school spirit

-and here you are.
-Well, go Wombats!

Now, you can do cartwheels

round-offs, back flips?

Yeah, yeah. You know what?

I'm very bendy.
In fact, there was this one time

where I scrunched myself
into this little ball

and got in my dad's filing cabinet.

Oh, Louis, you're perfect.

So are you.

I am so glad
that we found each other.

Now, when you put on
that Wombat suit

I want you to really go for it.

You know, my sense is, Louis,

that you're a very passionate person.

-I am?
-Mm-hmm.

And I don't want you
to be afraid to unleash that side of you.

You go a little crazy.
Take chances.

And, Louis, if you ever
have any questions

or if you need anything

...my door is always open.

(HEART POUNDING)

What is that noise?

Uh... oh... uh...

it's probably something outside.

I'll go take care of it.

Louis, you stole
the Wombat suit again?

You should have told me
I would have done it with you.

Okay, mascots are so annoying.

You know what?
Actually, um, I'm the mascot.

-Get out of here.
-(SCREAMS)

Yes, I'm the mascot.
It's true.

Is this some kind of joke?

Is this punishment or something?

You know what? It's a long story.

Uh, it's just something
I have to do, okay?

Well, are we still going to Del's
after school to get pizza?

Um, I have mascot practice.

Well, then tomorrow,
it's big-pie Friday.

All right, I'll see you there. Later.

Ren, can we talk to you?

Sure. What's up?

Well, we're really glad
that you're a cheerleader.

ALL: Yeah.

Your uniform is always clean

and your sneaks are always
double-knotted.

But your attitude... well...

Oh... what's wrong with my attitude?

Ren, you're a cheerleader now.

You've got to dig deep down inside
and find your perky place.

M... my perky place?

Ready? Okay.

ALL: P-e-r-k-y.

Be... perky!

Be... perky!

Be... perky!

Ren...

you have to live perky.

Breathe perky.

Be perky.

You can do that, right, Ren?

Yes, yes, yes.

-(CHEERS)
-I can be perky!

Look, I'm going to be perky!

Perky!

Be Perky.

-(CRASH)
-Ow.

Okay, ran all the way here.
What's the emergency?

Go ahead, sit down.

-What are you doing?
-I don't want anybody to hear

what I'm about to tell you, okay?

Twitty...

I'm in love with Miss Morgan.

You mean, like, you think she's cool?

No, dude, no, no, no.

Did you hear what I said?
I'm in love with her.

I'm in love, Twitty. I'm in love.

See, every time I see her
my hearts starts racing, right?

And my palms get sweaty

and my stomach does
these flip-flop things.

I wish you could be where I am.
It feels very good.

Maybe you just ate some bad bean dip?

No, I didn't have bad...
listen...

According to
Romance for Boneheads

I have the classic symptoms
of a man in love.

Dude, this is all kind of freaky.

Just read Chapter .
Read that.

You know what else I do?
I jump on my bed, every five minutes.

When I'm in love, you just do it.

It's in... look, you just go...

You see, like that.

Twitty, this girl's perfect.

She's beautiful.
She's right for me, and...

I think we'd make a fun couple,
you know?

(HAPPY ROMANTIC TUNE)

Hey...

Sorry we're late,
we couldn't find parking.

We're still a little jet-lagged
from our trip to the Bahamas.

How was that?
I bet it was beautiful.

It was absolutely beautiful.

We went snorkeling,
that was beautiful.

Oh, and we ate local hot dogs.
It was jammin', mon!

(LAUGHING)

Oh, you two are a fun couple.

(CALYPSO PLAYING)

Isn't she great?

Dude, your bacon's dangling.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, well, it's been doing that
a lot lately.

So, what's your next move?

Make her fall in love with me.

How? Step one.

Show her I'm dedicated to my new job.

(CHUCKLES)

-What?
-Mascot Boot Camp?

Yeah.

Mmm, you're actually signed up for this?

Twitty... she makes me
want to be a better mascot.

Well, what about Tawny, dude?

You guys have been hanging
together a long time.

Don't worry about Tawny.
No, no, no.

I thoroughly explained everything to her.
She totally understands.

I can't hang out with you anymore!

Twitty, let's face it...

Tawny's great, right?

But she's a little girl.

Now, see, Miss Morgan...

Miss Morgan, well, she is a woman.

And I... am a man.

Very good, Ren.

Now you tell the rest of the class
how you arrived at your answer.

Okay. Ready?

XY , I'll tell you more.

Quadrant times variable,
a shim-sham shooey.

Go seven, go seven,
I like to eat chop suey.

I'm Ren, I'm right,
I'm feeling kind of perky.

Kickin' and clappin',
I'll do the herky jerky.

Yeah, algebra!

(ALL CHEERING)

Yay! Yay, algebra! Woo-hoo!

(COUGHS)

Moving on.

Twitty, can I ask you a question?

What's up with Louis?

What do you mean?

I don't know.
He's been acting really weird lately

and he keeps blowing me off.

Well, Louis, he's just going
through a difficult phase right now

and he's taking a little time
to get his head together.

You mean he actually took my advice
and got some therapy?

Kinda. Uh...

He's going to mascot boot camp.

I give up.

For the next eight hours
you will be going through

the hardest, the most difficult,
but the most meaningful training

in your furry little lives!

The basic booty shake.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Come on, baby,
Shake your booty

You are bacon, mascots!
Let's see you sizzle!

Cow, you're pathetic.

Okay, I've got a big spatula.
I'm going to flip you to the other side.

Sizzle! That's good!

Hoping you'll be mine tonight

Come on, baby,
Say I'm the one right now

Come on, baby, now,
You want to shake it now

If you're feeling down and out

I'll show you what it's all about

Come on, baby,
Let's shake it right now

Come on, baby,
Shake your booty

(MUSIC FADES)

Oh, sorry, sir.

Sit down. Sit down, son.

I want to talk to you.

You know, I've seen 'em come
and I've seen 'em go.

You're really something special.

Well, thank you, sir.

Stay here.

(TRIUMPHANT TUNE)

What is that?

It's a jet pack.

-March th, .
-(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

Flew this baby around a stadium
in front of , screaming people.

I want you to have it.

Wait, wait. I don't understand.
You're giving me your jet pack?

You earned it.

I worked you hard today
but you took everything I threw at you.

You're gonna be a great mascot.

Thank you, sir.

Yeah, yeah.

Be gentle with it.

Excuse me.

(GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING)

Louis, what are you doing here so early?

I have this great news,

so I wanted to catch you
before class started.

Oh, I love your enthusiasm.

You are so sweet.

You're so sweet...
and, and, and perfect

and I mean that.

But that's not what I came here for.

What I came here was to tell you
that wacky Walter gave me his jet pack.

Jet pack?

And today at gym
I'm going to fly around.

I'm doing a pep rally.
It's going to be cool.

Now, I just want you to be careful.
I don't want anything to happen to you.

Louis, you're not blinking.

No, I'm not staring at your one eyebrow.

I haven't had a chance to shave it yet.

-Oh, you shave it, do you?
-Oh, I have to.

It grows like crabgrass.

(BOTH LAUGH)

It runs in my family.
The Morgan unibrow.

(CLIPPER WHIRRING)

Whoo! I have to remember
to clean this thing out more often.

(CHUCKLES)

You know what?

I have to, uh, go back to my class

because I'm in a hairy, a hurry...
a furry.

(SCREAMS)

I got breakfast spirit, yes, I do.

I got breakfast spirit.
How about you?

I got breakfast spirit.

-Honey, come here for a second.
-What? What? What?

Sit down.

Sit down! Sit down!

Honey, your mother
and I have been talking

and frankly, we're worried
about you.

We've noticed that lately you've been...

excessively upbeat.

Thanks.

I found my perky place.

Honey, we think maybe you're on overperk.

Well, what do you mean?

Ren, this morning, honey,
every time the phone rang you cheered.

You cheered when the mail came.

You even cheered for your laundry.

You're exaggerating, Daddy.

Am I?

Bleach, detergent,
this laundry's going to rock.

Fabric softener, dryer sheet,
hey, where's my other sock?

Oh, yeah, let's go!
Let's go, team!

Why didn't you guys tell me before?

(WHOOPING ON VIDEO)

We thought you'd cheer us.

I have to resign as mascot.

Really? Why?

Because I'm sweating in my suit
and my doctor says

I'm developing a chafing disorder. Bye.

Whoa, wait a minute, Louis.

I have a hunch
that there's something else going on here.

Listen, the truth is...

is that I never wanted to be
the mascot, okay?

The only reason I even came
In your office

was because I wanted
to hang out with you.

Hang out with me?

Well, actually, more than that.

Yesterday, I went window shopping.

I went to go buy you fancy shoes.
It's something I would never do.

(LAUGHS)

And I know this may sound crazy, but...

I thought you were perfect.

And then, this morning in your office

you, you...

you cut off. Bzzz!

You know, no one's perfect, Louis.

Yeah, I realize that.

Hey, don't worry, kiddo.
I'm sure you're going to find somebody

who's just right for you.

I found her, but I think
I messed that up, too.

Hey, Tawny! Tawny!

I want to let you know
that whole Wombat thing I did...

that's over and...

I don't know, maybe we can go
get something to eat.

Look Louis, I don't care
if you are a Wombat

or a turkey... or a jackass.

You stood me up
and you blew me off.

Now leave me alone.

Remember, girls, this is a pep rally.

So let's get out there
and pep our socks off!

(ALL CHEER)

And what if I don't feel peppy?

Ren, it's not about how you feel.

It's about what those people
out there expect of us.

They need us.

For what?

It's meaningless.

It's pep for pep's sake.

Put the brakes on there, Ren.

Are you saying our life
is just pointless perkiness?

Girls, look at it this way.

Do you think by our kicking
and our clapping

that we're going to do
anything meaningful?

Are we going to end world hunger

or bring peace among the nations?

We're all living a lie.

-(CHEERING)
-(MUSIC PLAYING)

(LISTLESSLY): One, two...

We are the Wombats.

At the top, we can't be stopped.

We'll strive, yeah, to reach our goal.

The Wombats are in control.

Yeah! Go, team! Right?

We're number one.

Whoo! Okay, all right.

Uh... Okay.

Well, that was an interesting cheer.

So, um, let's try something new, okay?

Uh...

Dude, your ex-girlfriend throws
one lousy pep rally.

I know.

We'll do the wave.
Okay, ready, everybody?

Ready? Whoo!

Whoo.

Okay, let's try it over here on this side.

Whoo!

(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey, everybody, look.
It's the Wombat.

Whoo!

(ENGINE SPUTTERS)

Uh-oh.

Where's the brakes on this thing?

(AUDIENCE GASPS)

Louis, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.
Get this thing. Get it off.

Ow.

Are you okay?

I think I need a spinal replacement.

-Do you want me to get Nurse Phil?
-No, no. Tawny, don't leave.

I have to tell you something.

-What?
-(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

You have the two most beautiful
eyebrows I've ever seen.

Ren, the girls and I were talking

and we really like you
as a person and all, but...

Yeah?

We don't think you're cut out

to be a cheerleader.
You think too much.

Yeah, I guess I do.

But one thing
I have been thinking about

is what a great job you guys do
keeping everyone's spirits up.

(ALL EXCLAIM)

Um, I'm really going to miss you guys.

Oh, my...

She's going bye-bye

farewell, adios, hey-hey.

She's going bye-bye,
farewell, adios, hey-hey.