03x04 - Your Toast

[bunniefuu]

(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

(ALARM CLOCK RINGS)

(SLURPING)

(LIGHTSABERS BUZZ)

(expl*si*n)

And if my boss asks if you've had
any experience just say "tons."

Tons? Ruby, the only
real job I've ever had

is a lemonade stand
in the second grade.

There you go.
Extensive food-related experience.

Ruby, am I overdressed?

You're way past over.

Oh, but don't worry
about it.

You're going to get the job
and we are going to be working together

at the hottest counter
at the mall.

And for some reason

the cutest guys
just love toast.

Check it out, Ren.

Wow, you guys all look like
you're having a great time.

Yeah, it's great except for our boss
that wormy little tiny... Mr. Squirelli.

Less talking,
more toasting.

Um, Hi. I'm Ren Stevens.

Um, I just...

My office!

What?

-Impressive resumé.
-Thank you.

Ever made toast before,
Ren Stevens?

Um...

Sure. Every morning.

I meant professionally.

Oh, um... well,
I had a lemonade stand once

and I thought about
serving toast, but, uh...

Oops. Ooh.

Ren, forget everything
that you think you know

about making toast

'cause we don't
just sell toast.

This is a whole new world.

We sell fun,
and... and energy.

And... and the whole
toast lifestyle.

Wow.

You're really good.

It's all about professionalism.

(SCREAMING)

(DRUMMING ERRATICALLY)

This one's called
"Lobster att*ck."

(b*ating DRUMS LOUDLY)

(YELLING)

(STEVE AND EILEEN CLAMORING)

(MUFFLED SOUNDS)

Stop that racket
or my head's going to fall off!

I thought you'd be happy because
I'm studying a musical instrument.

There's no studying going on around here.
You're just futzing around.

-Loudly.
-Very loudly.

-Day and night.
-Night and day.

What do you want me to do?

Well, your mother and I
bought you a little present.

Basic Beats.
Techniques of Rhythm.

Wow.
Guys, this is boring.

How am I going to learn
drums from a book?

Lou, either you're going
to learn to play these drums or I will.

Steve, that makes no sense.

Yeah, that's just because he's...
all that banging's got my brain scrambled.

I can't think straight anymore.

Well, you know there's that guy
at the music store that gives lessons.

He used to be in a band.

Good. Great. Good.

You're starting tomorrow.

I'll give you a blank check.

I don't think I need it.
I mean, listen...

(LOUD, UNRHYTHMIC b*ating)

Thank you so much for this
opportunity, Mr. Squirelli.

I want you to
know that I read

the entire training
manual last night

and I memorized
the Ten Commandments of Toast.

Number one:
Don't over toast.

Number two:
Never under toast.

Ren Stevens,
stop showing off.

You're on crumb-tray detail.

I want you scrape
these trays clean.

I don't see one crumb.
Not one.

Hi. Welcome to Your Toast.
You'll like our toast the most.

What can I toast
for you today?

Oh, great shirt.
Did you get that at the Hot Top shop?

Uh... excuse me. Just one second.
Can I talk to you, please?

Coming through.
That was not a toast-related conversation.

Oh, come on, Norman.
Lighten up.

I have my eye on you, Ruby Mandel.

And it's Mr. Squirelli.

Here's your toast.

Ooh, crumb-tray detail, huh?

Yeah. You got to start
somewhere, right?

Hey, Hector, Denise...

This is my best friend Ren.

-Hey, what's up?
-Hey, how you doing?

Hi.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

I cannot wait to be
at the counter with you guys.

Well, you have to work
your way up.

But, uh, there is
this one shortcut I know.

Nah, forget it.

Oh, no, no. You have to tell me.
I need to be where the action is.

Okay.

All you have to do
is show Squirelli

that you can do
a spinning triple.

When the toast pops,
just spin around three times

and catch each piece on a plate.

Don't worry. It's easy.

Huh?

Stand over there.

-Ready? Ready?
-No. No. No!

Spin!

(CRASHING)

(LAUGHING)

Sorry, Ren.

No one can do
a real spinning triple.

Believe me.
I've tried.

It's just a joke we play
on all the rookies on their first day.

You did okay, Ren.
Welcome to Your Toast.

LARRY: Yeah, Ren,
welcome to Your Toast.

What do you want, Larry?

Well, not some crummy piece
of toast, that's for sure.

He's just jealous 'cause nobody goes to
the Shake-Shake City anymore.

Okay, it's not my fault
that people are stupid enough

to pay money to see you clowns
play with their food.

We're selling style as well
as substance, Larry.

(CHUCKLES)

Well, uh, too bad
you don't have either.

Oh, don't.

He's not worth it.

Get over here.

What are you doing?

Commandment number seven:
Never nibble.

I'm sorry, but I'm starving.

They don't give us free pistachios
like they do at Nuts 'n' Wall.

Yeah, and over the Pizza Pagoda
they take home a -incher.

This is the only place
in the whole food court that gets nothing.

Well, that doesn't
seem fair.

Excuse me! May I hear
Commandment Three, please?

ALL: Never talk about anything
but toast.

All right. Now, back to work!

EILEEN:
Louis, your drum teacher's here.

(CRASHING)

(WAILING)

Rock and roll!

How are you Sacramento?!

-Good.
-I'm Nicky Pox.

Hi.

Hi.
How are you doing?

So, you're my drum teacher, man?
Hey, why do you look so familiar?

You ever hear
of little band called Kiss?

Yeah. Yes, I have!

I played in a band that opened
for them once in Fresno.

(PLAYS DRUMS)

Well, go ahead.
Teach me some stuff, man.

Rule one:

drummers never wear sleeves.

Dude, my mom
is going to be so...

Nice.

Hey...

Horseplay?

No thanks, Mr. Squirelli.

-We're working.
-Excuse me. That's not funny.

The only person
I see working here

is Ren Stevens.

Ren, what are
today's specials?

Ripley Raisin Raspberry Razzmatazz
and I Can't Believe It's Not Tuna.

Very good.
Ren Stevens, come over here.

I want to see how you do
on the front counter.

Wow. Thank you, Mr. Squirelli.

In fact, here comes
your first customer right now.

Him?

-Is there a problem?
-No.

No, sir.

Hmm...

(SPITTING)
Hey, there.

Hi, Welcome to Your Toast.

You'll love our toast the most.

What can we toast
for you today, sir?

Hey, there... what is it? Ren?
How you doing, Ren?

Listen, uh, you know
I got a hankering for some toast

but dang it, I just can't
decide, you know?

How many grains are in that
nine-grain bread you got there?

Nine, sir.

-Really?
-Mm-hmm.

Hmm...

You want to come here for second?
Come here. Just come here.

Ren, I spent all my cash on
these new drummer duds I got.

So, how about you float your
brother some nibblage, huh?

Are you asking for free food?

No, no, I'm asking...
you know, come on, like a crust.

You know, like a raisin
or something like this.

That is against the rules.
Get out of here.

-What?
-Yeah.

You talk to me that way?

Oh, I tell you one thing.

This is the last time I'll be
begging at this establishment.

Ren, toast is on fire. Look!

-Hey. Hey!
-(SCREAMING)

-Hey.
-Oh...

Ren, my office.

-Now.
-Okay.

I'm really sorry about what just happened
out there, Mr. Squirelli.

Oh, Ren Stevens, no, no.

Don't worry about it.

I've seen that kid
around here before.

Yeah, he's a real...

bad egg.

Actually, that bad egg
is my brother.

Really?

So, you put toast before family.

Very impressive.

Thank you.

Let me run something by you,
Ren Stevens.

What do you make of this?

Well, it looks like
a Powdered Sugar Pumpernickel

with a rather large bite
taken out of it.

Precisely.
Somebody's been nibbling!

I found it wedged underneath
the register this morning.

I swear it wasn't me.

I know that.

You didn't even give toast
to your own brother.

It's definitely someone else on the staff.
I don't trust any of them.

Who do you think is the nibbler,
Ren Stevens?

-Is it Hector?
-I don't know.

-Denise?
-Look, Mr. Squirelli...

How about Ruby?

I'm sorry, but I object to being
asked to squeal on my friend.

Say no more, Ren Stevens.

Now that I have your attention.
I'd like to officially announce

the new Assistant Associate to the
Assistant Manager will be Ren Stevens.

But that's Ruby's job.

Which brings me
to my next point.

Ruby Mandel, you're fired.

For what?

For nibbling.

Now, please, turn in your tongs.

You're out.

Come on. Come on.

Thanks a lot, Ren.

Ruby, what, do you think...?

Wait... she...

No, guys, I...

Ruby, I did not squeal on...

Can someone please tell me
what is wrong with the world today?

Well, music sure has changed.

You can't hear a decent love song anymore

without someone screaming
about their booty.

No, honey, I think
she's talking about work.

-Oh. Did something happen on your new job?
-Yes.

The best thing about my new job

was that I was going to be able
to hang out with Ruby, you know?

But then she gets fired
for nibbling

and then she thinks
that I squealed on her.

Which I didn't.

Oh... Well, was she nibbling?

-Yeah.
-Well, then it's not your fault.

I mean, if nibbling is against the rules.

Everything is against the rules.

We can't talk, we can't eat,
we can't take a break.

We can't even laugh.

(GASPS) Louis is ready
to show us what he learned.

-Come on. Let's go see.
-You know what?

-I actually have to do something.
-Uh-uh-uh. No, no, no, no, Ren.

Come on, honey.
Get into the spirit of it.

It'll be fun.
Sit down, sit down, sit down.

All right, Stevens family!

Let me hear you scream!

(SCREAMS)

All right!

Hey, didn't you rush the stage
at my Barstow concert in ' ?

I might have.

Right!

(SCREAMING)

Whoo!

(TAPED APPLAUSE)

Hello, Sacramento!
Are you ready to rock?!

(CYMBALS CRASH)

(COUGHING)

Now, get up off your booties!

See? It's all about the booty.

Get up off your booty, dear.

Uno, dos...

Five, six, seven, eight!

(CRASHING)

Whoa!

Yeah!

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

(COUGHS)

So, um... what was the deal?
Was the smoke too much or what?

Actually, the smoke
was the best part.

(COUGHING)

Well done, dude.

-Ready for your next lesson?
-Oh, heck, yeah, man.

Oh, no, no!

-No more lessons! You're fired.
-What?

No, Dad, Dad, Dad, you can't do that.
I'm finally learning something.

What? How to destroy a living room?

Don't worry, folks.

It's all part of the program.

I always start my students
with a taste of how cool it feels

to play with the smoke
and the lights

but then,
it's time to get to basics.

Basic Beats:
The Techniques of Rhythm.

Is there like a tape or something
I can listen to? Dude!

-or something I can listen to?
-Dude!

Every great drummer started
with this book.

-But, look...
-You want to be a great drummer?!

Yeah.

Then let's get to work.

Hey, did you really
rush that stage

-back in Barstow?
-No. (LAUGHING)

Here you go. Spin.

All right, look, we need to open up
a new loaf of potato-dill bread.

I just did.

Well, that was wheatberry.

Look, I've been working here
for four weeks.

I think I know the difference
between dill-potato and wheatberry.

You better listen to her.
She'll report you to Squirrel-face.

Okay. Look, guys,
for the last time

I did not report anybody
to Squirr... err... erl...

Squirting, Squirting?
The crumb trays.

It would be an excellent idea
for overall cleanliness.

Squirting? The crumb tray?

(SCOFFS) I like it.

What a fantastic idea
Ren Stevens just had.

From now on, the crumb trays
will not be wiped...

they will be squirted.

Hector, you can start.

I'm off! To pick up Mr. Hale,
our district manager from his hotel.

He's in town to make sure everything is
running tiptop and... toasty.

So please make sure everything is
spic-and-span by the time I get back.

-Ren Stevens!
-Sir.

You're in charge!

Okay.
All right, you guys

-I guess that means that we should mop...
-It's Ruby.

Come on, guys.
We don't get breaks.

Well, today we do.

CUSTOMER:
Would you help us, please?

(CLAMORING)

As you can see,
I'm a little short-handed.

Well, that's too bad, because you're going
to need as many hands as you can get.

Right over here, folks!
I met them at the Information booth.

They're from Germany.
From the Mall Across America Tour

and, boy, are they
verhungern for some toast.

Why'd you bring them to me?

I don't know. It seemed like it would be
something fun to do. Okay.

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

(ALL TALKING AT ONCE)

Guys! I need you back here, now!

Sorry! Still on break.

Okay, so that's six cinnamons
two French, five pumpkins, okay?

Oh. Oh. And a doodle
strudel doodle for Hans.

ALL: Ja!

Hurry up.

-(CLAMORING)
-(YELLING IN GERMAN)

I'm going! I'm going!

I'm doing the best I can.
I promise.

Maybe you guys
should get back.

To help Ren after
what she did to you?

It's getting kind
of crazy over there.

(CROWD CLAPPING)

What is she doing?

Those three are going
to pop at once.

(TOASTERS POP)

(APPLAUSE)

(APPLAUSE)

-A spinning triple!
-She just made toast history.

Here you go.

Thank you for munching
at Your Toast.

Oh, oh, Franz.

Here's some extra napkins.

Danke Schön.

(CHUCKLES)

Auf wiedersehen.

Oh. Thanks for the extra
business, Larry.

Come again any time.

(GASPS)
Nibbling!

Mr. Squirelli!

Mr. Hale.
I told them a hundred times.

Commandment Seven:
Never nibble!

Oh, back off, Norman.

Ren just served over
German tourists by herself.

What was she doing by herself?

I gave them a break.

Oh, really? Well, I'll give you a break.
You're fired.

You fire her, and I quit.

You can't quit.
You're already fired.

-Then I quit.
-Yeah, me too.

What kind of place
you running here, Squirelli?

Mr. Hale, kids these days,
they're flakes!

I'll have a new batch
by tomorrow.

Well, then it's just
going to happen again.

What's that
supposed to mean?

It means we're tired and hungry.

We're the only place in the entire
food court that doesn't get a break.

Should I call Security,
Mr. Hale?

No. Let her finish.

Well...

Would it k*ll you guys to give us
a five-minute break every hour?

Or, a lousy free piece of toast?

Not that toast is
lousy or anything, but...

I mean, we do want some dignity

and if you guys treat us
with respect, we'll work harder.

Everyone wins.

This girl makes a lot of sense.

That's... exactly
what I was going to say.

So. Do we get our breaks?

Sure. Why not?

And, um, a daily toast allowance.

All right, one slice,
but no premium spreads.

And Ruby gets her job back.

What? Are you kidding?

She's always talking,
she never follows the rules

-is disrespectful...
-I like her.

Not to mention the pride
of the company.

Ruby Mandel, welcome back.

I'm... I'm really sorry.

It's okay.

(GIGGLES)

Oh. I'm emotionally drained.

-Can we take a break?
-No.

Oh, we have to go
back to work.

Right.
Hit it.

(RHYTHMIC DRUMMING)

(PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)