03x21 - In Ren We Trust

[bunniefuu]

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(ALARM CLOCK RINGS)

(SLURPING)

(LIGHTSABERS BUZZ)

(expl*si*n)

Oh, winged projectile
do return to me safely.

I've got to see this.

Yeah, Tom, don't get upset

if your new boomerang
doesn't come back to you, man.

Watch and learn.

Whoa.

(BOOMERANG WHIRRING)

How dare you doubt?

The boomerang,
ancient Aboriginal symbol for freedom,

compassion and manliness.

Whose simple design rivals
that of man's earliest flying machines.

Whose undying loyalty calls to mind
the noble golden retriever.

Whoa!

Oh, man.

Oh, geez.

So, Brian Cruchman and Stacy Weems
did in fact break up,

but the good news for Stacy
is someone was pining for her all along,

Brian's very own brother, Mike.

I didn't know Brian had a brother.

Oh, sure he does.
He's the kid in our health class.

You know, the one who wears the cologne.

-Oh, the musky fella.
-Yeah.

-BEANS: Excuse me.
-(NEIGHING)

Little Beansie's got a pony.

Beans, what are you doing with a pony?

It was my birthday present. You want her?

Beans, you don't want a pony?

No, I wanted a couch.

Beans, every little kid wants a pony.

They're fun.

What's so fun about them?
You can't watch TV on a pony.

(WHINNYING)

Let me try, Tom.
Give me it.

Give me. Give me.

See you in a little bit, buddy.

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, man.

-What's that peculiar noise?
-(WHOOSHING)

(SCREAMING)

What... was that?

That boomerang was a family heirloom.

-I never should have let you touch it.
-Come on, man, it's not that big a deal.

Louis, I should have figured.
You could've taken our heads off.

(LAUGHS)
That would have been cool.

But listen, no, serious, serious, okay?

Tom is in a little bit of a snit
right now, all right? And it's painful.

Hey, listen,
who's my big tiger, huh?

-Who's my big tiger?
-I am.

All right, listen.

How about we fan out
and we find this boomerang, please?

Just for Tom, all right?

We got this side, you get that side.

We'll find it, buddy, all right?
We'll find it.

Guys, I think I found something.

TOM: A briefcase.

That's a strange place
to keep one's paperwork.

Tom, that's not for paperwork, man.

You ever see in movies,
they use that for hauling money.

-Lots of money.
-Dirty money.

What are you guys talking about?

We're talking about this movie, all right?

It's called Midnight Heist.

And this guy, Jake Hammer,
he's got the same thing.

He's running from the cops, there's this
really big scene, really dramatic...

No, no, no, dude, that's Midnight Heist .

No, Midnight Heist stunk.

Remember, he gained like pounds
and they only showed him from the neck up.

Boys, pipe down. They both stunk.

-Ren, open the case.
-No, guys, I can't.

ALL: Open it!

Okay.

(cheering)

$ , , $ , , $ , .

(ALL CHEERING)

-Yeah!
-Guys, wait.

That's a lot of money.

Just let me touch it.

-That feel good?
-(SQUEALING)

LOUIS: Okay, so here's what we got.

We got $ , ...

-and $ .
-... $ divided by six of us.

So, carry the two, gives us...

$ . each.

-(CHEERING)
-Oh, yes! Yes!

I have always wanted
one of those fancy pedicure chairs

with the bubbly water for my feet.

-Cool.
-Miami Beach here I come.

I might join you.

You know, Mother and I
have always dreamed of going on a cruise.

-Dude, you know what?
-LOUIS: What?

If you and I
pool our money together,

we can finally get that industrial-sized

nacho machine maker
we've always wanted, dude.

Dude, I can smell the hot
pump cheese now, man! Woo!

Hey, Ren, what are you gonna
do with your share?

Guys, that money is not ours.

What?

You can dream, can't you?

Well, if the money was ours,
which it isn't,

I'd put it in my college fund.

-Boring!
-(GROANING)

Come on, Ren,
what are you afraid of?

Just live a little.

Guys, that is a lot of money.

And it belongs to somebody
and they're going to be looking for it.

That's why we have to do the right thing
and turn it in to the proper authorities.

LOUIS: Here's what we're gonna do.

I'm going to get the money,
put it in the briefcase

and then I'm going to take it over to...

Hey, Louis! Louis, stop!

All right, all right, all right.

There is no way we're trusting you
with that money, okay?

You've got dollar signs in your eyes.

What? Ruby, that's hurtful, all right?

No, no, dude, you seriously do.

-In my eyes?
-Yeah.

You're lying.

-What about now?
-TWITTY: You're good.

I think we should give the money to Ren.

She's the most trustworthy among us.

Thank you, Tom.

TWITTY:
Yeah, she's a total goody-goody.

-Yeah, Ren is a saint.
-TOM: She is awesome.

All right, all right, fine.
As annoying as it is...

Ren always does the right thing.
So... there you go.

There you go.

Thank you, Louis.

Now, look, I know you're disappointed,
but we have to do the right thing.

Okay, now, tomorrow
we will just turn this money in

and feel good about ourselves
and our dec...

Guys?
(SIGHS)

Beans?

Shh.

What are you doing at my school?

I'm trying to ditch my pony.
The stupid thing follows me everywhere.

(HOOVES CLOPPING)

Beans, you don't have a pony, okay?

Tell him that.

(WHINNYING)

Okay, well, I hope it's house trained.

Not so much.

Ew.

I saw you staring at the window.
They're lizard skin.

You want to give 'em a test drive?

Oh, um, I kind of have this errand

that I'm running and, well,
I'm late for school.

But they're beautiful.

Come on, live a little.
You know you want them.

No, I couldn't possibly
live without these.

You know, a lot of people
try these pants on,

but, honey, these were made for you.

Shall I ring you up?

No, I couldn't.

Just out of curiosity, how much are they?

They're on sale.

Only four.

Four hundred...

Four thousand.

Honey, there are two types of people
in this world:

sensible, repressed, goody-good types

who only buy cheap imitation
lizard skin pants,

and then there's people like us
who dare to find the joy in life,

seize the moment,
and aren't afraid to live a little.

Will that be cash or charge?

Two, three, four, five, six...

Hey, what are you doing?

-What?
-What are you doing?

All right, well, listen, good news.

My dad said that
if nobody claims the money in days,

that means it's ours.

Thirty days, right?

Ren turned it in at : this morning.

That gives us...

that gives us hours, man.

So, basically,
we only have hours to k*ll.

(LAUGHING)

LOUIS: Yeah, brother, yeah! Woo!

-Woo!
-Man!

You know, nothing wiles away
those long hours

like a good old-fashioned sing-along, huh?

Huh?

Row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream

Merrily, merrily, merrily

Merrily, merrily

Life is but a dream

ALL: Row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
Life is but a dream

Row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream...

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily

Thank you. Keep the change.

Thank you.

ALL: Row, row, your boat
gently down the stream

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily

Life is but a dream

-Row, row, your boat...
-Whoa.

Hey, Ren, did you turn in the money?

Uh, I took care of it.

Well, did anybody claim it?

Not exactly.

So, Ren, did something happen
to our money?

Uh...

-Ren, you have some explaining to do.
-I know.

-Ren, this doesn't look good.
-I know.

Ren, those lizard-skin pants look amazing.

I know.

Hey, Ren, where is the money?
Did something happen, huh?

You know, Louis, you were right.

It is dirty money,
so why don't we just live a little?

Wow. Ren, I am shocked

and appalled by your behavior.

So, give us our share of the loot!

-(LAUGHING)
-Yeah!

WEXLER: Ren Stevens, please report
to the principal's office.

Please report immediately.

I got to go.

Ren, hold on. Hold on, Ren.

Sit down.

Ren, I'd like you to meet
Father O'Neil and little Timmy.

Hello.

Father O'Neil is here
on some very serious business.

It seems he misplaced
a very large sum of money.

Aha, I see.

You see, kind lady,
that money belongs to our charity.

(GULPS)
Your charity.

I'm afraid so.

I'm almost certain I left the case
right here on your school grounds.

So, what do you think happened
to the money?

Someone found it
and apparently never returned it.

And not returning it
is the same as stealing it.

Ren... you are the most
trustworthy student I have.

I want you to keep your eyes and ears open

and notify me if you find out anything
out of the ordinary.

I'll try.

And, Ren...

I might add those lizard pants
are really snazzy.

These old things? Thanks.

Father, if we get our money back,

can I get pants like that?

(CHUCKLES)
Little Timmy,

I'm afraid pants like that
cost a lot more than we can afford.

But I'll tell you what.

If we get our money back,
I'll buy you a new pair of socks.

Did you hear that, lady? New socks!

Don't worry, Father,
we'll cr*ck this case.

The police are combing
this area as we speak.

Clear the area, folks.
Nothing to see, here.

Move along.

Let's spray for prints.

WEXLER: Let's match these prints
with our student file.

(COMPUTER WHIRRING)

(COMPUTER BEEPS)

Aha! Looks like we found us a match.

Okay, officers, let's go find that perk.

Is it perk or perp?

-Whoa! What? What?
-Louis, I made a terrible mistake.

I never should've spent that money

and now I'm gonna get in big,
big, big trouble.

Ren, relax, relax, okay?

All right, look, if it's money
you don't know anything, right?

So just deny it. Deny, deny, deny.

-Just remember that.
-Stevens, you're coming with me.

Be strong, all right?

No, no! Hold on! Not that!

Louis, I know you took the money.

Now, tell me where it is.

(YAWNS)

An industrial cooking catalog.

Lots of expensive things in there.

So what?

So maybe somebody's buying,
like, a nacho machine or something.

We found this catalog in your locker!

I don't care. I'm not telling you nothing.

I don't suppose a chocolate chip cookie
could loosen those lips?

Soft, moist, golden brown.

Now... just tell me where the money is.

I'm not telling you nothing!
You can't break me, buddy!

Nope, not me, buddy.

I guess we're going
to have to do this the hard way.

Yeah?

Gerry, take five.

I'm sorry it's come to this, Louis.

Boys, he's all yours.

(KNUCKLES cr*ck)

(PLAYING COUNTRY MUSIC)

(GROANING)

Stop the noise!

Stop the playing!

I can't take it anymore!

Stop the music, please!

You sick people.

(MUMBLING, SCREAMING)

Okay! Okay!

I'll tell you!

That's enough, boys.

(GROANS)

Okay, Stevens, spill it.

Now, where's the money?

Ren's got it.

That's preposterous.

Think about it, man.

You saw the fancy pants
she was wearing, right?

You know, I might get me a pair
of those lizard pants just like Ren's.

-I saw those pants.
-Aren't they gorgeous?

Well, they better be.
They were, like, $ , .

What?

Yeah. I saw those pants
at Just Liva Little.

You know that boutique
down by the police station?

-That's how much they cost.
-Ren spent all our money?

-(TOILET FLUSHING)
-(INAUDIBLE)

Boys, you are not going to believe this.

Ren Stevens, how could you take the money?

I can explain everything.

Yes? Explain why your pants
are made out of lizard

while Little Timmy's pants
are made out of cardboard.

A staple's hurting my knee.

Oh, Little Timmy, look, I...

I was on my way to return the money...

Ren... don't even bother.

Your voice only sickens us.

We trusted you.

And worst of all is that you were
gonna let me take the rap for all this.

Get her!

Wait! Okay, fine.

Okay, look, look!

Is this what you guys want, huh?

This? This? This?

Huh?

Okay, go get it.

Father, it's empty.

It's the awful lady!

Here she comes.

(YELLING)

-LOUIS: What are you doing?
-Sorry, sorry, sorry.

What are you doing?

Not now, Ren. Listen...

Split up! Come on!

(PANTING)

I do not know how lizards
run in these things.

Come on!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(ENGINE STARTS)

(WHINNYING)

Beans, I'm borrowing your pony,
all right, man?

You can keep her.

(LAUGHING)

(PONY WHINNYING)

Hi-ho, Silver.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Okay, let me level with you here.

All right, I took the money
to buy the pants.

I'm really sorry.
I don't know what got into me, you know?

I'm just so used to being
such a goody-goody

and never doing anything wrong.

(SIGHS)

Anyway, I'm really sorry
and I guess I snapped.

Yeah, I guess we all just kinda snapped.

Look at us chasing Ren
like some greedy animals.

Yeah, I guess
money can do that to you.

You know what? Could have happened
to any one of us, you know?

Good thing it happened to her,
though, right?

(LAUGHING)

I know you don't mean that, son.

Yeah, he does.

Ren, I know you're a good person at heart
and we all forgive you.

Thank you. Thank you all.

And you know, I wish I could
take back the pants but I can't.

Lizard is non-returnable.
(CHUCKLES)

Well, then that's another story.

What do you mean?

I'm not forgiven?

Get her!

Guys?

(SCREAMS) No, guys!

Get her!

O'NEIL: And not returning it
is the same as stealing it.

SHOP ASSISTANT:
Will that be cash or charge?

Will that be cash or charge?

No. I can't do that to Little Timmy.

Look, I'm a very trustworthy person, okay?

And... well, there's no problem with that

and I have to go to the police
station right now, okay?

-SHOP ASSISTANT: Okay, whatever.
-(ALARM BEEPING)

You probably want your pants back.

Well, days are up
and we get to keep this.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

-It's empty.
-Yeah.

Unfortunately, somebody claimed
the money this morning.

-Claimed...?
-Do we at least get a reward?

Oh, sure, we get to keep the case.

Well, hey, let's split it up then, right?

Okay, we're going
to start with the extra...

(CLAMORING)

Beans, are you serious?
You're giving this away for free?

Totally free.

Oh, wow, it is so beautiful.

I can't believe
you'd want to part with it.

I don't got all day.
Do you want it or not?

Of course, I do.

Bows have gotten so expensive. Thank you.

Hey, what about the pony?

PONY:
You should have said free pony.

You talk too much.

(WHINNIES)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)