11x06 - Man Fights Tiny Woman

[bunniefuu]

CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM

So many great actors in New York,
you know?

Totally. By the way,
well worth the trip.

And this kid, Jason, we got,
he's gonna be great.

He is so great.

I think we're really set with the cast.

Yeah, and they're all pretty good
with one notable exception.

Maria Sofia.

- Mr. Greene?
- Yup.

Hi, I'm Tony.
I'll be your driver for today.

Hi, Mister David. I'm Miriam Clubock.
I'll be your driver today.

- How was your flight?
- Delightful.

- Can I take your bag?
- Sure.

Thank you. This way.

Can I take your bag, sir?

It's not a problem at all.
It's part of the service.

- I don't think so. I got it.
- Are you sure?

I got it. I'm good. Thank you.

Seth Rogen, he's filming
that Viking movie on the lot.

I asked him if he wanted to do
a guest starring thing on the show

as Bud Friedman.
He wants to do it.

- Really?
- Yeah.

That's fantastic.
It's all coming together.

I'm right there, behind the red bag.

There's mine. The brown one.
Right behind you.

- I got it.
- I can grab this.

- I insist. I must insist.
- Sir...

- I got it.
- I have the bag, sir.

I got it. Thank you.

- Well, let me carry these then.
- No, won't be necessary. I got it.

Please. I got it. Thank you.

- You ready?
- Yeah.

- They look heavy. I can help.
- I got it.

- Look who's back.
- Hey.

- How was your trip to New York?
- Trip was good.

But I hurt my back because
they sent this tiny woman driver.

I was uncomfortable with her carrying
my bags, and I schlepped those.

- Now I gotta go to a chiropractor.
- You're being accommodating.

You might
as well put her in the backseat.

- And you f*ckin' drive.
- I'm gonna call the company.

I don't wanna go through this again.

Thank you for calling A&K limousine
service. How may I help you?

Hi, it's Larry David. Small issue.

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry.
What happened?

It's not a big deal.

You sent a woman driver
to pick me up.

And I was uncomfortable
with her carrying my bags.

I kinda hurt my back a little bit
to tell you the truth.

So I'm just calling to ask if possible
the next time I need a car

that you will send a man.

Did this young lady refuse to help you?

No, not at all.
She was extremely cooperative.

Mister David, let me just reassure
you that our female drivers can do

anything our male drivers can do.

Yes, I'm quite sure they can.

But I just don't want a woman
carrying my bags.

I don't think it's a good look.

Okay, so this is about looks.

You want a more attractive woman
driver, is that what you're saying?

No, I don't care if she's attractive.

I just don't want a woman driver.
That's all.

Mister David,
we're in a pretty evolved society.

I'm afraid that may come off
a little sexist.

Sexist? Oh, God. Please. No.

Obviously, you don't know me at all.
I'm not even the least bit sexist.

Although, I do like to have sex
with women,

I don't know if that makes me
a sexist.

Does wanting to have sex with women
make you a sexist? I don't know.

Are you saying you want
to have sex with our drivers?

No, I don't want to have sex
with your drivers!

Are you saying
you want to have sex with me?

What?
Who said anything about you?

I don't want to have sex with you!
Why would I want to have sex with you?

Don't be ridiculous. I would never.

Never? What, excuse me?

Of course, maybe I would if we met
and you were attractive,

I would consider it, but...

If I was attractive?

No, no, I don't care
if you were attractive.

I can be attracted to people
who aren't attractive.

I have had sex with many women
who aren't attractive

because I was attracted to them.

- Yeah, tap that ass.
- Okay, so now I'm unattractive?

I don't even know you! How do I know
if you're attractive or not?

That's not what this is about.

I don't want to have sex with you,
but again, I could.

I mean, you sound attractive.

But the telephone is very deceiving.

You never know. I was once on the
phone with a woman from Ticketmaster

for half an hour, and I met her,

and it was ridiculous.
It was crazy.

Mister David, this is really out of line
and very uncomfortable for me.

I'm extremely uncomfortable.
You know what?

Let's forget I even called.

I don't care. Send a woman. It's fine.

Thank you, Mister David.
You have a lovely day.

- You wanna tap that?
- Are you nuts? Tap what?

Come on, you hittin' that.

That's the roofer.

How you doing?
I'm lookin' for Mister Larry David.

Yeah, me.

How you doing? I'm Jonas
from Champion Roofers.

I'm here to check out your leak.

It's guest room. It's up that way.

Well, that's where it starts,
and you never know where it goes.

So I gotta get my ladder and get up
there and check it out.

You're going up?

Yeah, I'm a roofer.
That's what I do.

Leon.

Hey, Leon. Jonas, Champion Roofers,
how you doing?

He's going up.

- You going on the f*ckin' roof?
- Yeah.

Damn!

I don't wanna take up any more
of your time. Twenty minutes, okay?

And I'll give you a quote.
Let me get my ladder.

m*therf*cker need a crane,
you feel me?

Let's check this puppy out.

You know what? I think I'm gonna go
outside for a while.

How's business here?

Business is good.

There's no people here.

Well, the doctor likes to space out
the appointments

so that everybody gets
a good amount of time with him.

What's the last thing you bought
that changed your life?

That's the question in this magazine.

I don't know.

The juicy tomato.
Just because Tom Brady avoids them...

I think he's ready for you.
You can just go right in.

Okay.

Great news, my friend,
as expected, you are gonna live.

You have a quadratus strain,

which can be explained by the fact
that you lifted something heavy,

which you cannot do.

Well, what was I supposed to do?
She was this frail woman.

Well, I completely understand that.

If it were me,
I wouldn't have done it.

But that's because I lost chivalry
after the divorce.

- Why? What do you mean?
- My wife cheated on me.

- Really?
- Yeah. Three times.

So you're leading the single life now?

I'm leading the single life.
Couldn't be happier.

- Hey, let me ask you a question.
- Sure, anything.

How come there's nobody
in your waiting room?

Well, you know what,
I like to space 'em out. Privacy.

We got some high profile people
in here, like you or Harrison Ford.

Harrison Ford, he's a patient?

No, it was a hypothetical.
If Harrison Ford were a patient,

I would tell you he's incredibly lovely.
Bit of a curmudgeon sometimes.

- So he's a patient?
- Nope, didn't say that.

I would assume based
on interviews I've seen with him.

- You just told me he's a patient.
- No, I didn't.

I never said I've seen my patient,
Harrison Ford,

after his last plane crash.

Well, why don't I get you set up
with a foam roller?

- Foam roller?
- Very easy to use.

So you want me to roll?

I just want you to roll on it,
very easily.

Elizabeth at the front desk,
will walk you through how to use it.

Self-explanatory.

It should be pretty simple.

But we will give you a document
with some illustrations on it

to walk you through it as well,
okay, Larry?

And then I'm going to write you
a prescription.

How do you do
with anti-inflammatories?

I know, as a Jew,
I get a little rumbly in my tumbly.

Well, I do okay.

That's why I never became
a basketball player.

I will see you back here
in a couple of days.

And you, my friend, should be
feeling as good as new.

Okay.

And I get a glimpse
of his underwear.

It was completely frayed,
like loose violin strings

and holes in it. It was like
the underwear had been to w*r.

I don't know why you didn't run out.

You're not gonna run out.
It's rude.

My back actually feels a little better.

- It does?
- Yeah.

I don't care. I will never
be going back to him.

- I am done.
- Hey, you know what?

Maybe that's why there's nobody
in his waiting room.

And look at this.
Let's see this set, huh?

Oh my God. This is freaky.

- Really, this is exactly...
- This is exact dimensions.

- We had a piano here.
- What was in here?

That's my mother's closet.

Holy sh*t. Look at this.

This is the exact dimension
of the apartment.

I lived here from eight to twenty-five.

Look at the size of this kitchen
we had.

Look, they even got the stove
exactly right.

Let's check out wardrobe.

- There he is.
- Hey.

- Feels very, like, Cliff, right?
- That's Cliff, yeah.

He's loving the jackets.
We got some really good looks.

Those are good, yeah, very ' s.

I was just looking at the schedule,
and I realized this is totally my fault.

I'm so sorry, but I can't make
anything after four on Thursdays.

- I have a church thing.
- Church?

- Yeah.
- Your last name's Steinberg.

- I'm a Jew for Jesus. I love this one.
- Nice. Let's just grab a picture.

So again, I can totally work
around it, if not.

But I hope that doesn't like throw
a huge wrench in everything.

We'll fix it in the schedule.

- Bless you. Thank you so much.
- Yeah.

Jew for Jesus? Really?
And you think he's sincere about it?

Totally.
I was so shocked and stunned,

that face, that punum...

And by the way, you look at this kid,
his parents are a big ball of Jewish.

He's screaming Jew.

What do you think about this whole
Jews for Jesus thing?

That's crazy stuff. I don't know
why anyone would do that.

When you're a Jew for Jesus, you're
embraced by the Gentiles immediately.

But as much as you're embraced
by the Gentiles,

you're reviled by the Jews.
He's considered like a traitor.

- He's left us.
- The Gentiles are liking him.

They'll put that one on the front.
They're proud of that.

We took him in. We got one.

Why they want one? I don't know.
But they got one.

By the way, remind me
when it's two o'clock, will you?

Two o'clock? I got it.

- Hello, gentlemen. How we doing?
- Hello.

- I'm going to get the steak frite.
- Medium rare okay?

- Medium rare is great.
- Spinach salad for me, please.

- I'll get the Caesar.
- With anchovies?

- Please.
- With the anchovies?

Yeah, I like anchovies, so what?

- It's just a strong choice.
- Who does that?

It's unbelievable the contempt
that people have for you

when you order anchovies. It's like
I'm a p*rn or something.

I can honestly say I've never seen
someone say yes to anchovies

on the Caesar. Have you?

It's like going to church on Thursday.

- It's an odd choice.
- Forget the anchovies.

- Why would you do that?
- I don't want them anymore.

- You ruined my lunch.
- I just thought it was strange.

By the way, there are many things
that you guys eat,

lot of things you eat in particular
that I don't comment on,

that I find offensive.

Ice cream?

- Well, I like ice cream.
- An omelet?

- I like an omelet.
- French toast?

- Love French toast.
- So what are you talkin' about?

You know what?
No anchovies. We're good. Thank you.

You're a little defensive
in the world of anchovies.

I wish you would've gotten
the anchovies.

Geez. I need to charge.

Don't you think someone should
be able to comment on food?

Hi, you have a charger?

- It's being used.
- Is that the only one?

- Yeah, unfortunately.
- Who's using it?

That gentleman.

- The guy in the tie?
- Yeah, at your table.

- What's he at?
- He's at twenty-three percent.

Hey, you're at twenty-three percent.
I'm at two. Can I take over the charger?

- No.
- Why?

- Hey, I was there first.
- So what?

You know, if we were in a gym,
you're on a treadmill,

you can't go more than half
an hour. You got people waiting.

Well, the beauty of that is I never go
on a treadmill.

Would you mind unplugging his phone
and plugging mine in?

You want me to unplug
your friend's phone?

- Yeah.
- Even though he just told you no?

- Yeah.
- He'll be able to see.

So what? I don't care.

I kinda feel like you and your friend
have a strange dynamic

that I'd rather not get involved with.

- So, you're not gonna do it?
- No.

- This stinks.
- Your own fault.

- No, it's your fault.
- You did it to yourself.

- No. I didn't do it to myself.
- You did it to yourself.

You stopped me from enjoying it.
You ruined my lunch.

- Hey, what time is it?
- : .

: ? You're supposed to remind me
it was two o'clock.

You're right. I forgot. I'm sorry.

- My car.
- I was in the middle of eating.

I'm sorry. My fault, Larry.

- What's his charge now?
- Twenty-eight percent.

- He's not having a good day.
- He said somethin' to me.

Are you kidding me? sh*t.

- Towed.
- I'm sorry. That sucks.

You could've reminded me.
You said you would remind me.

- So it's my fault?
- Yeah, you didn't remind me.

If you would've said my car's
gonna towed at two o'clock,

I would've remembered.
It felt so light. It's so toothless.

Look, you're the reminder.
I'm the remindee.

Once the reminder takes
on remindership, you own it.

So let me get this clear.

Anyone who asked to be reminded
of something has to assume

the person will die if they're
not reminded, is that right?

- Death could be a consequence.
- That's very different idea.

The remindee has to place
his trust in the reminder.

It's the sacred pact.

If you can't handle it,
then don't take it on.

By the way, if it's so important, why
don't you set your alarm or something?

I did set the alarm,
but my battery d*ed

because Jeff wouldn't let me charge.

But the truth is, if you had your
phone, we're not in this, okay?

- Absolutely. It's all his fault.
- Let's go enjoy the rest of the lunch.

I can't stand this lunch.
I gotta get somethin' else.

- Hey, man.
- You made coffee, great.

Man, I had the worst,
worst night's sleep.

I felt like I heard creaking,

and I think that roofer
must've weakened it or something.

The size of that m*therf*cker
walkin' around all over the roof,

we're lucky the drywall ain't crackin'
and sh*t from his big ass.

Anyway, it was the worst.

And you just lay there,
and your mind just wanders.

You can't get back to bed. You think
about all this crazy stuff.

If you saw a picture of a bearded lady
in the circus without the beard,

and she was really attractive,
would you try and date her

and convince her to shave?

The f*ck? I had one more left.

Who the f*ck ate my last
f*ckin' Haagen-Dazs popsicle?

I don't know. Wasn't me.

You know who's been here,
walkin' around the f*ckin' house?

It's that fat ass g*dd*mn roofer.

When food's missing, suspicions
invariably turn to the heavyset.

That m*therf*cker's F-A-T positive.

You know what I'm sayin'?
If a hat was missing,

I would blame
a bald head m*therf*cker like you.

That's the roofer.

- Hey, Larry.
- How are you?

Good. I got something special
to show you.

I have got a brand new pallet of tiles

to replace the cracked ones
on the roof.

I'm sure they're fine.
I don't need to see it.

You're gonna be very impressed.
Come on.

There's no point in showing me tiles.
I have no interest in tiles.

Check this out.
Look at those bad boys.

- Fantastic. Gorgeous tile.
- Only the best.

I'm really glad I got to see 'em.

I'll be up there for a couple of days.

I'm gonna put these in,
and they'll be good as new.

- You're going up?
- Yeah. That's what I do.

- Couple of days?
- You want it perfect, don't you?

Why don't you send this kid up there?

Eric's in training.
Eric is my assistant.

- Send him up.
- He's not ready to go up yet.

Yeah, I don't go up.
He goes up.

You go up.
And you supervise from down here.

I don't think he really wants
to be a roofer. Tell him.

I'm looking into tattooing. Tattoo.
Tattoo artist.

Why don't you give Larry a tattoo?

I mean, I'd be down for that.

- That's not going to happen.
- No? No way?

He's the roofer.
I'm the roofer's helper.

He goes up. I stay down here.

Did you ask him about my popsicles?

He's not interested in your food.

No, no, no. He's not interested
in your f*ckin' food!

He don't want the f*ckin' mung beans
and f*ckin' wheatgrass, olives.

What's that red sh*t stuck
inside the f*ckin' olive?

Pimento?

Essentially, they come out
of a lady after she have a baby.

That man got a sweet tooth.
He wants all my snacks and sh*t.

Okay, you know what?
I can't stay here.

I'm not going to stay here.

I didn't sleep last night.
I'm packin' a bag.

He's going to be here for a couple
of days.

I'm not staying here a couple of days.

- Are you kidding me?
- What you gon' do?

I don't know. I'll go to Freddy's.

sh*t. I don't have my car.
My car got towed.

And I gotta go to the chiropractor.
I gotta to go work.

This really stinks.

sh*t. What the f*ck?

- Hello.
- You called for a car.

I did. Yeah.

- I gotta make a stop.
- All right.

Larry! How we doing today?

You know what? Much better.

That's what I like to hear. Tell me.

- You have worked magic.
- That's what I do.

So pain is lessened?
Meds are agreeing with you?

Yeah, I'm doing the roller.

So here's what I think we're gonna do.
I think I'm going to lower the dosage.

Or maybe even cut you off entirely.

And then I wanna stick
with the foam roller,

but I'm going to give you
a firmer roller.

And remember, key is,
you don't wanna push too hard.

Just enough to make it work.

What do we got here?

Let's go with this bad boy.

Elizabeth at the front
will walk you through it,

same principle as last.
Are you all right?

- Can I be honest with you?
- Yeah.

So, the first time I was here,
you bent over,

and I noticed that your underwear
was quite frayed.

- Frayed?
- Frayed.

- Frayed how?
- It's stringy.

And you had holes in it as well.

And I'm coming to the conclusion that
the reason that I don't see patients

in your office...

Is because of the nature
of my underwear.

Yes. I think they stopped coming
because they see your underwear

and know that something's amiss.

And they stay away.
You're losing a lot of business.

Look what it says about you,
slovenly, unkempt,

can't take care of himself. Who wants
to see a doctor like that?

Nobody. I wouldn't wanna
see that doctor.

Your underwear, it's threadbare
beyond all normal usage.

You gotta have some underwear
awareness.

- What the hell do I do?
- Here's a good rule of thumb.

Once the cotton detaches from
the elastic, they gotta go.

- And are your balls dangling?
- They are.

Once your balls are dangling,
it's over.

So what should I do with these,
the ones that I have?

- Use 'em for emergencies only?
- These aren't even for emergencies.

You throw 'em out. A heroin addict
doesn't keep the needles.

- What do I do about this situation?
- How about this?

Suppose you write an email
to all your patients?

Hold that thought.

Talk to me.

"It is vitally important to me that my
patients be able to trust their doctor."

"It has recently come to my attention
that my underwear is quite frayed."

They're filming some movie. Sorry,
I can't get you closer to your stage.

They're making me park
a little further away today.

- That's okay.
- You sure?

- Yeah, it's fine.
- You want me to wait for you?

No, a friend of mine is going
to take me where I need to go later.

All righty.

Okay, ready to rehearse.

You're sailing on your ship,
and you're meeting Jormungandr.

Does this hat look stupid, man?
I just feel like this was a mistake.

So much gack.

Why did they wear
all this sh*t back then?

What a cumbersome f*cking...
Ready.

That one looks great. And you said
we're going to try the accent again.

I'm going to try the accent.

I might just ADR
the whole movie in post.

Where am I lookin'? Is this top tennis
ball? What is that?

The top tennis ball is his third eye.

f*ckin' sh*t. Okay.
Can't look down, ever.

Okay. Ready to rehearse. And action.

I am Bjorn, son of Bjorn,
and we make fish.

That is what my family does.

I am the greatest fisherman
in the whole sea.

- Hey, Lar.
- Hey.

No, no!
It's car company protocol.

- They don't want me to carry my bags.
- Yeah?

They said it's sexist. I had
a whole conversation with 'em.

- Sure you did.
- The company wants her to do that.

- It's not me.
- Can't disobey the car company.

- I carried them the last time.
- Sure, Larry.

- How you doing? You okay?
- Yeah.

- You want help?
- No.

- You need some help?
- No.

So it's coming together,
don't you think?

The plastic is a great touch.
I love that.

I know you want to change
the table out.

Larry, do you have just a quick
second? I'm sorry to interrupt.

- We'll finish this up later?
- Great, okay.

What's up?

I don't mean to be a problem.
Do you know Jason, right?

- Jason Steinberg, yeah.
- Yeah. So he's a Jew for Jesus.

Yeah, I know.

It's starting to interfere
with our performing.

We're trying to rehearse,
and we're being converted basically.

You know, a lot of pamphlets
and signs and stuff.

- He's proselytizing?
- Yes.

He has mini Bibles,
those little keychain Bibles.

Okay, well, thanks for letting me know.

- We're sure he's a good guy.
- I'll take care of it.

Thank you so much.

- Hey.
- Larry, hey, do you have a second?

- You know, I actually do.
- That's great.

In the scene where I swap with Larry
as the chauffeur for the blind woman,

why would she not know it's me?

Because she's blind.

I'm just not buying it.

- You're not buying it?
- Not really, no.

You're buying the virgin birth.

What's so hard to believe
about the virgin birth?

It's just people get pregnant by God
all the time.

Well, they don't.
That's what makes it so special.

Why wasn't Joseph having sex with
her, by the way? They were married.

Well, she was trying
to keep herself pure for God.

What did Mary tell Joseph
when she got pregnant?

I have brought onto you a miracle,
the Son of God. He grows within me.

And then you know what Joseph did?
He went next door

and he smoked with his friend, he said,

"she's out of her f*ckin' mind,
I gotta get outta there".

That's one of God's miracles.

The parting of the sea and the falling
of frogs from the sky.

Look, you want to be a Jesus guy,
zei gezunt, go ahead.

These Jews on the set
are not for Jesus.

So leave them alone.
No proselytizing here.

That's out. You got it?

- No more Jesus.
- Okay?

Just out of full just honesty
and transparency,

I'm going to be saying his name inside,
in my heart.

- That's how I get into it.
- Say it inside is much as you want.

I don't care what you say inside.

sh**t. Sorry.

- What's the matter?
- My sciatica is acting up.

You need a chiropractor? I got the guy.

My back was terrible. This guy
is really helping me.

Really?
That would be incredible.

You think he can fit me in, like,
I don't know, maybe today?

Yes, I think he can fit you in today.
I'll get you the number.

Thank you so much.

Yeah, I think I was doing like
a Norwegian accent up 'til now.

But I'm thinking of kinda pivoting
to more of like a Danish accent.

- Seth?
- Hey. Larry!

You got a toddler carrying
your sh*t around still?

Yeah, that was slightly embarrassing.

- It's a bad look.
- I know that.

That's why I'm here,
to tell you that I'm aware of that.

Great. As long as you're aware of it.
I get it, man. It's tough out there.

You wanna look relatable, you know?
That's a big part of my thing, trust me.

- I'm an everyman, you know?
- Really? Is that who you want to be?

People like an everyman.

They may like an everyman, but
most everyman is kinda stupid.

Exactly, that's how I come across.

I portray myself as stupid
so people relate to me more.

- Okay, you want to be stupid?
- I want people to think I'm stupid.

So you're a smart person who's trying
to appear stupid

so people will like you?

Yeah, and you're a nice person
appearing to be an assh*le

so no one likes you?

Yeah.

Honestly, just here's all I have to say
about it. I'm working with you.

People are saying our names
in the same sentences.

Try not to do things that make you very
much seem like an assh*le

to anyone who's looking at you.

I completely get it.
In my own defense,

there are certain things that I would
prefer a man doing over a woman.

Don't say that to anyone. Keep
that sh*t to your f*cking self, man.

There are also certain things I prefer
to having a woman over a man.

- That's also bad!
- Why is that bad? Like a massage?

- Don't say that sh*t!
- I don't want a man touching me.

Just stop naming professions
and which sexes should do them

and which ones shouldn't.
Don't do that!

- All sexes can do all jobs.
- Sure, no, I know they can.

But we all have our secret preferences
as to who you want to work on us.

- Well, keep that sh*t secret.
- Let me ask you a question.

- Eye doctor?
- I don't give a f*ck!

You care who looks at your eyes?

- I'm looking at your eyes right now!
- But you're not hovering on.

- You're not an inch away from me.
- It's an eye doctor!

- I don't like it.
- Urologist? Proctologist?

- Man.
- See? That makes no sense!

You don't want a man face to face,
but you want one to finger you?

Are you going to feel comfortable
with a strange woman fingering you?

I don't give a f*ck.

What kinda woman becomes
a urologist anyway?

A very bright, enterprising woman who
wants to make dicks and butts better.

Okay. I might try that out.
I'm going to let you know about that.

I would text it, okay?
Keep it to yourself.

We don't know each other that well.

You've said thirty insane things
to me in the last few minutes.

You're not an everyman.
You are a singular man.

So excited you're doing the show.

- It's gonna be great.
- I look forward to Little Larry.

I'm so glad you're doing it.

What are you supposed to do?
They send a tiny woman to...

Just stop talking about it! Just stop,
Larry, walk away!

Thank you so much.

My pleasure.
You need help with your bags?

Absolutely not. Thank you.

Come on in. I'm so glad you're going
to be here for a couple days.

I really appreciate it. Thank you.

Are you kidding me?
Just leave that there. Come on in.

Yeah, man. This is fun.
This is gonna be great.

Hey, did you get that crazy email
from that chiropractor, Jacobsen?

Yeah. I wrote it.

- You wrote his email?
- I wrote the email.

Did you stop going to him because
of the underwear?

Yeah, exactly.
Did you see that underwear?

- Yeah, I did.
- Was that bizarre?

Well, that's why I wrote the email.
So are you going to go back?

- No, I wouldn't go back.
- Why wouldn't you go back?

It was like ancient underwear.
It was like rustic.

It was like underwear that was like
from the pilgrims.

It's the sign of a lot of washing.
That's a good sign.

The problem isn't just
that the underwear is frayed.

It's the person that would put
everyone in that position.

I'm thirsty.
Can I get something to drink?

If we stop talking about the underwear,
yeah, please.

You got one Perrier left.
Can I have it?

Well, no. Not if there's one.

You're not going to give me
the last one?

That last one goes to the host.
Everyone knows that.

You got others.
Want the orange juice?

- No, I don't want that.
- Grab something else.

I wanted the Perrier.

Why would you even ask
if there's only one?

But anyway, I feel terrible
about the car situation.

Let me do something to help you with
the car. You're still missing the car.

I got an app. I got a guy in Tarzana
who will drive you a car out here.

No, that's okay. I'll pick up the car
from the tow place tomorrow.

- Yeah? Are you sure?
- Yeah.

What would make you happy?
What can I do to help you?

Maybe I'll have a glass of water.

The tap water's great.
I filter the filter.

- Is it cold?
- I got ice. You put the ice in it.

- Ice smells.
- I have filtered ice.

- It's smelly. I don't like it.
- Take unfiltered water.

- I just wanted the sparkling water.
- You're k*lling me.

You should've given me the Perrier.

There's going to be Perrier tomorrow,
okay?

The car, what can I do to make
you happy with the car?

If you want to do something nice,
go back and see Doctor Jacobsen.

I can't get the underwear out of my
head. I'm not going to see the doctor.

I don't want to stay here.

I'd rather the roof falling on my head
in my house than stay here, okay?

- That's extreme, Larry.
- I don't think so.

Because you can't have
the last Perrier?

Yeah, and remind me never
to ask you for any more favors.

Remind you? Who would ever sign up
for a reminding gig with you?

It's like a predatory contract.

I wouldn't remind you of something
if we had a lawyer paper it.

Don't do the Perrier.
That's an act of w*r.

- You're better than that.
- I'm calling a car service.

Call the g*dd*mn car service.
Maybe they have a Perrier in the car.

- Hello!
- Hello!

Wait a second.
What are you doing?

Don't take those. I got those bags.
Stop it.

Hey, come on. Stop it. Hold it.

Give me those.
Give me those. Stop it.

What are you doing?

Give me the bags, sir!

Hey, look, mommy. Mommy,
that man is b*ating up that woman!

No, she won't let me carry it.
They're my bags!

Honey, don't look.

Remind me never to drive you again.

Don't worry. I own that remindership.

You will never ever have to think
about that for the rest of your life.

That's on me.

It's a little harder to describe,

but the way I like to think of it is
I was in this beautiful room.

There was Judaism.

It was just dark. And I assumed
it was a windowless room.

And then Christ shows up,
and it's not windowless.

It's just that the windows are closed.

And it's like, I get it.
And everything clicked with me.

I was like, wait, Jesus was Jewish.

Wait, everyone that wrote
the Old Testament,

everyone that wrote
the New Testament,

they were all Jews.

And I'm doing the same things,
but the things have meaning.

I actually got a pamphlet
if you're interested.

Yeah. Okay.

Hey, Larry. I gotta borrow your charger.

- I'm down to four percent.
- Where's your charger?

I don't f*cking know.

I've been trying to find it since
I was at seventeen percent.

I'm at nine percent.
I'm charging. I'm working.

Give me some juice until I get to seven,
and then we'll go back and forth.

Listen, we're not at the bottom of the
ocean sharing one t*nk of oxygen.

That's su1c1de. We'll both die.

I'm at three percent!

It's Sophie's choice.
And you're the baby who's going.

- Where the f*ck is my sh*t at?
- Let me get to fifteen!

Larry, f*ckin' look over there.

My f*ckin' charger's right there,

and the f*ckin' wire's going from there
up through the f*ckin' window.

- The roofer took your charger?
- You fat m*therf*cker!

Let it go, m*therf*cker! Let it go!

Come here!

Let it go, you fat bitch!

Take the rest of the day off.

I'm f*ckin' back.

- What are you guys looking at?
- You're not gonna believe this.

Oh my God. Holy f*ck!

That's not a good look.
I'm not working with that guy.

- How's this feel?
- Feels good.

Larry, who's this guy?
Who's this guy I'm working on?

Look at you, you're good as new.

Hey, you notice anything
different out there?

You mean something called patients?
Yes.

- I got patients back here.
- It's remarkable.

Larry, they were so grateful
that I upgraded the underwear.

I'm so happy for you.
And I can't thank you enough.

You did such a great job on my back.

I will restore you to health
and heal your wounds,

declares the Lord.
Jeremiah : .

What?

I would love to tell you about
our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

- I have pamphlets.
- f*ck!