01x04 - Hotel inspector

[bunniefuu]

Hey, come on, man.

We have to go work on our science project.

I am doing science.

Look, centrifugal force.

Moseby,

Nina Fryburger just threw the most incredible birthday party for a dog.

Ivana's upset.

Of course she is. Look at that stupid hat you put on her.

Cat person.

So, now I want a bigger, better party for ivana in the grand ballroom.

Here's the guest list.

I will take care of it personally.

Thank you. Mm-hmm.

Maddie, take care of it personally.

No one else will touch it?

Not with a -foot pooper-scooper.

Oh, mr. Moseby, you receive a fax.

The tipton hotel inspector is on the way for surprise inspection.

But how can it be a surprise inspection If they sent a fax?

Because the fax came weeks ago and I forgot to give it to you.

Surprise!

Fortunately for all of us,

My hotel is always in tiptop tipton shape,

And nothing has changed since the last inspection.

Except for that.

♪♪ here I am in your life ♪♪

♪♪ here you are in mine ♪♪

♪♪ yes, we have a suite life ♪♪

♪♪ most of the time ♪♪

♪♪ you and me got the world to see ♪♪

♪♪so come on down ♪♪

♪♪ just me and you know what to do ♪♪

♪♪ so come on down ♪♪

♪♪ it's you and me and me and you ♪♪

♪♪ we got the whole place to ourselves ♪♪

♪♪ you and me, we got it all for free ♪♪

♪♪ so come on down ♪♪

♪♪ this is the suite life ♪♪

♪♪ we've got a suite life ♪♪

Hey, muriel, when you were cleaning in there, did you see a $ . bill?

I thought you were throwing that away.

It was on my dresser.

My bad.

Hide me!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What happened?

Mr. Moseby's after me

Just 'cause I was playing yo-yo in the lobby,

And it might have landed in his mug.

And then?

I ran after that. He scares me.

Mr. Moseby's just doing his job.

He needs to keep this hotel running smoothly,

And you tend to be unsmooth.

Yeah, unsmooth like when mom doesn't shave her legs for two weeks.

Aren't you two supposed to be working on your science experiment?

We've already started.

Look!

No, no, no, no! What--what are you doing with those rats?

Science.

We got them from our school.

This is bonnie, and that's clyde.

They're our experiment.

Which is what? Giving your mother a heart attack?

No, actually, rap music for bonnie

And heavy metal for clyde,

And then cody writes down a whole bunch of scientific stuff.

You know, behavioral changes,

like eating habits,mood swings, urination patterns.

Eww!

Why does it have to be rats?!

Too late now. We've bonded.

Swell. Well, if you don't mind,

I'm going to take bonnie and clyde away from where we eat.

I'll get it.

No. Wait. What if it's mr. Moseby?

I'm toast.

Come in.

Look, mr. Moseby, if this is about the yo-yo,then I'm--

Oh, pish posh.

Boys will be boys.

You were just having fun,

And that's what boys do, isn't it?

They have fun. Ha ha ha!

Did that yo-yo bounce off your head?

No. I'm fine.

I came up here to offer you scamps tickets to today's red sox game.It's a matinee.

The sox game? All right!

And your seats are just above that little hut wherein the players spit and scratch themselves.

Hold on.

There's something wrong here.

Why do you question my generosity?

Yeah.

Why do you question his generosity?

I'll tell you what.

You go.

I think I'll just stay here and hang out in the old lobby.

Where's my model rocket? Oh.

No!

All right, fine.

The hotel inspector will be arriving soon,

And it would be marvelous if you weren't around.

I knew it!

We'll be not around longer if you throw in a little money for dinner.

I like lobster.Uh-huh. Ok, fine.

What are you doing?

I'm taking clyde to the game.

You can't do that!

It'll contaminate the experiment.

Who knows what take me out to the ballgame will do to his urinary pattern?

Fine,

but this is why they like me more than they like you.

Come on, guys!

If we make batting practice, I might meet a player!

Ok, I'll take you,

but don't tell cody.

Oh, sorry, bonnie.

I didn't know you'd want to go, too.

How sexist of me.

When is the hotel inspector going to be here?

Zack and cody are gonna be back any minute.

Oh, don't worry, mr. Moseby.

Per your instructions,

I am gluing down the vase.

Soon it'll be twinproof.

I have the most fantastic idea for ivana's party.

Canceling it?

Don't be silly.

I saw this fabulous painting

of dogs playing poker.

Ivana wants a poker party.

You do know those dogs weren't really playing poker?

If they weren't playing poker,

How did that dalmatian win all the money, huh?

Poker party it is.

Thank you, esteban.

You can let go now.

I wish I could.

They don't call it mega-glue for nothing.

Mr. Moseby?

That's right. May I help you?

I am ilsa shikelgrubermiger,

the tipton hotel inspector.

Yes, of course.

We were expecting you hours ago.

I got held up at logan airport.

Traffic?

No. Their whole luggage system stinks.

I had to redo it.

Welcome to the tipton.

Mr. Moseby, do you realize you are wearing a bellhop?

Very droll.

It goes with your devastating good looks.

Are you staring at my beauty mark?

Yes. No.

Oh, would you stop that?

Yes, sir! Ow! Let go! If I could just-- let me--

Ooh, I love the vest look on you, sir.

But like your sleeves, I am off.

Might I explain?

Hey, mr. Moseby.

The sox won to .

And mom caught a foul ball.

Yeah, apparently heads up means heads down.

So is the evil hotel inspector gone yet?

No. She's right here.

Whoa! What's that on your face?

It's a beauty mark.

But it has a hair on it. I mean--

It's a good thing I don't have triplets.

I've run out of hands.

Thanks again for the tickets to the game.

Yeah, thanks.

We know they're usually for the guests,

So we really appreciate it.

Oh, ignores guest needs for friends.

They're not my friends.

Oh. Ignores guest needs for strangers.

What kind of hotel manager are you?

He's the best. He's number one.

Yeah, last week, he let us cook s'mores in the kitchen,

And then he put out the fire all by himself.

Ok!

Mr. Moseby, I have been here minutes,

And I am not impressed.

I assure you, there will be no more surprises.

Starting now.

Mr. Moseby,

in my years as a hotel inspector,I have never been so appalled.

Rats in the lobby?

Yeah, but --Dut, dut, dut!

I am taking over the management of this hotel

Until a review board arrives to make their final decision.

Your tipton hotel keys.

Not his keys.

Your gold-plated tipton badge.

Not the badge!

Your tipton tie.

I feel compelled to disclose

That I am wearing custom-made tipton boxer shorts.

Dry-clean them and send them back.

Oh, poor mr. Moseby. Yeah.

But what are the odds

there are two rats downstairs and we have two rats upstairs?

They are upstairs, aren't they?

Well --Oh!

I mean, they were in my pocket when we got back from the game.

They must've snuck out when we got to the hotel.

You ruined our science experiment.

And more importantly,You may have ruined mr. Moseby.

Zack, you better think about you just did.

You may have cost the man his job.

Here, bonnie.

Here, clyde.

It's been a whole week.

I don't think this cheese is working.

Muriel, what is this?

Mmm! Gorgonzola.

You want some? There's more under the couch.

Esteban! Yes, sir. Ma'am.

What is that nonregulation pin you are wearing on your tipton uniform?

It belonged to my great-grandfather

Who died fighting for my country's independence.

How touching. Take it off.

I'm watching you.

Man, I never thought I'd miss moseby.

Yeah, she's a real witch.

I'd love to vacuum off that mole.

You there, candy girl.

My name's maddie.

Ja, candy girl.

I see you punched in at : .

You were supposed to be here at :

To work on london's poochie party.

Sorry.

: means : .

I am docking you for that minute.

Th-that's a dime.

A dime you'll never see!

Man, getting mr. Moseby suspended was the worst thing we've ever done.

And by "we," you mean you?

Now, I'm gonna go over there and talk to her.

If things don't go well, I want you to have my yo-yo.

Excuse me,

miss shikel-geiger counter--

Close enough. What?

What are you staring at?

Nothing.

I just wanted to say

that the rat thing was not Mr. Moseby's fault.

It was my fault.

Well, that changes things.

Really? - No!

A manager is responsible for everything that happens in a hotel.

The buck stops here.

Speaking of which,

I want the two of you to stop coming in the front entrance

willy-nilly.

But mr. Moseby always lets us--

Mr. Moseby doesn't work here anymore.

But we need -- dut, dut, dut! End of conversation.

It's been minutes. That pizza is free!

Hello, mr. Moseby. Zack.

Wow, your apartment is decorated just like the tipton lobby.

There was a -for- sale.

What brings you here?

You gotta come back, mr. Moseby.

Ilsa's a nightmare.

I'm sorry to hear that,

But there is nothing that I can do.

I've been suspended.

Now, I hope you enjoyed your stay at the moseby apartment.

You can't give up.The tipton is your whole life.

Not necessarily.

I have other interests.

I've always wanted to learn to drive the big rigs.

Breaker, breaker, pedal to the metal!

But we need you back,

and I'll promise I'll never bring a rodent through the lobby again.

That was you?

Yes, and I'm sorry.

I'm totally, completely, absolutely sorry,

really, really sorry.

Thank you for coming up here and telling me that,

But if you'll excuse me, I am in the middle of a very important project.

That's the tipton.

/ th scale.

Wow, you got the tip just right. - Don't...

Touch that.

Sorry

I don't understand

I went and apologized to mr. Moseby,

But things still aren't any better.

Well, it's good that you apologized,but that doesn't always fix everything.

That stinks.

That's life.

Sometimes it takes more than just saying you're sorry.

Try to get some sleep, ok? - Ok.

I love you.

Love you, too.

Bonnie, Clyde,

thank goodness you're back!

Cody, wake up.

Are we moving again?

No, look who came back.

Bonnie and Clyde.

Yes!

Oh, thank goodness we found them before the dog party.

That would have been a disaster.

Yeah, the kind that'll get a manager fired.

Cody, it's a brilliant plan!

Thanks. What's my plan again?

Hello? Is this the cat lovers society?

Is this the head cat?

Well, you and your entire group have just won a free weekend at the tipton hotel.

Th-that's right.

Bring as many kitties as you'd like.

Yeah!

Look who's been assigned to a new room.

Everybody!

Oh, boy. Dut, dut, dut, dut!

Put a lederhosen in it, blondie.

Esteban, what is going on with the computer?

I don't know.

Every time I push a button, I get a picture of a koala bear.

Ooh, and he's doing a dance!

Look how cute.

Have you tried to restart it?

Only Mr. Moseby knows how.

I've tried everything.

Have you tried this?

Oh, you have broken it.

Ohh! What is going on out here?

You're disturbing ivana's party.

They're playing spin the milk-bone.

I don't have time for your petty puppy problems.

Ha! You don't scare me. I once bit a shark.

London, we have a problem.

What are you doing out here?

You're supposed to be making balloon people for the dogs.

I've had it!

Two of your guests bit me,

And one went tinkle on my leg!

No! Don't make me go back in there!

Excuse me.Excuse me.

We're here for the cat lovers convention.

The what?

We were promised free rooms and complimentary litter boxes.

Let me check that for you.

I can't seem to find it.

Phase one complete.

Phase two: Get moseby here.

Tipton ho -- Moseby residence.

Mr. Moseby, it's zack!

You gotta get over here.

The place is going crazy, and we need you!

I'm sure ilsa can handle it.

Oh, no, the water is up to my neck

Losing...Air...Fast.

There's water in my hotel?

Take your sticking paws off me, you dirty ape!

There are apes in my hotel?

Help! There's an angry mob running through the lobby!

L-look out!

The tipton needs me.

I'm coming, mama!

On to phase three: Release the rats.

Bonnie, clyde, we've gone over the plan.

You know what to do.

Remember, we're doing this for moseby.

For the love of schnitzel.

This may be our best work ever.

Only if it gets moseby back.

Miss shikelgrubermiger,

I am Martino Guistefester.

Ambrose lippencollarman, Bob smith.

Oh! From the tipton review board.

Is there any way you could come back, Mm , not now?

Get this mangy mutt off of me!

stop. Bad dog. No.

Good gracious! What is going on here?!

Perfect timing.

Dogs, halt!

Wait! Stop! You forgot your doggy bags!

Sit.

Now go back to your party.There's nothing to see here.

Ladies and gentlemen,May I have your attention, please?

All of your complaints will be handled immediately.

Ah, Mr. Takimoto.

Cool.

Esteban! - Yes, your majesty?

I want gift baskets for each of these guests immediately.

Oh, and some catnip for our feline friends.

Oh, for you, anything.

And for you, bubkes.

Mr. Moseby,

on behalf of the tipton review board, I must say I am very impressed.

Well, thank you, sir.

I'll have you know

I had everything under control.

Not from where we stand.

I think this review is done.

You obviously cannot inspire loyalty in staff,

And you certainly are not fit to run a hotel.

This isn't a hotel!

This is a circus

with dogs and cats and rats and clowns and twins.

The only thing missing is a bearded lady.

Watch it.

You would have to be out of your mind to work here.

Well, then call me crazy.

Mr. Moseby,

please continue your fine work.

Ms. Shikelgrubermiger,

your tipton keys,

Your nametag, and your pen.

No hard feelings?

Psych!

I'll get you next time, mr. Moseby,

And your little dog, too!

Dut, dut, dut!

Was all of this your doing?

It was zack.

I'm sorry, Mr. Moseby.

So, you engineered this mayhem, nearly destroying my hotel in the process?

Yes, I did.

I just have one thing to say to you, young man.

Thank you.

My pleasure.

Hey, hey, I helped destroy the hotel, too.

You know, boys, next week, the health inspector's coming.

You ever been to new york?

Throw in yankees tickets, and we're there.

Oh, please.

I'm gonna see your bet...

And raise you two.

oh, hush up. Put your bones in or fold.

Ha ha ha! Roll over and weep!