02x20 & 02x21 - The Fault in Our Star Night

[bunniefuu]

[♪]

Tell me again why we're
getting food for Jimbuk.

The guy has a trunk for a nose.

He can't exactly
go out in public.

(nervous laugh)

Now, read us the specials.

(sighs)

Shrimp burrito, lengua tacos,

chicharron quesadilla...

Shrimp mosquito,
liquid tacos,

chocolate armadillos.

Jimbuk wants to know what
seasoning's on the shrimp

because if there's any salt,

it'll make him bloat real bad.

We'll take the nachos, please.

- Oh! Excuse me.
- Sorry.

(romantic music)

(vocalizing)

I don't know.
She's just staring at this guy.

She's really making
a meal of it.

No, he's not cuter than you.

Gabby!

(gasps, panting)

- Jeremy: Jimbuk will still eat those!
- Here you go.

(romantic music continues)

(vocalizing)

(ominous music)

(whooshing)

Female Voice:
It has begun.

Gabby Duran must be stopped.

Theme song playing...

♪ Oh, yeah

♪ I do normal like a fish
rides a bicycle ♪

♪ Fit in like summer
and an icicle ♪

♪ Don't fight it,
just be an original ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh

♪ I roller skate
outside the lines ♪

♪ When I try to stay in,
it's no surprise ♪

♪ It's a fail, it's okay,
I'm one of a kind ♪

♪ One of a, one of a kind

♪ So anytime I feel
some type of way ♪

♪ Don't understand
the human race ♪

♪ So what, so what, so what

♪ I do my thing,
I do my thing ♪

♪ You do your thing,
You do your thing ♪

♪ When we don't fit in

♪ We stand out in the crowd
and we shout it loud ♪

♪ I do my thing,
I do my thing ♪

♪ I'm the one and only,
I'm the one and only ♪

♪ Don't try to fit in,
Don't try to fit in ♪

♪ Mm‐hmm, I do my thing

So, you'll be
babysitting a new client

named Celeste
on Friday night.

She's a nine‐month‐old
Tekazalion baby,

and apparently very cute.

- Big eyes, lots of tentacles...
- Aw.

Pustulous slime everywhere.

Sounds... precious.

Here's the address.

"Note to self,
you're gonna be OK,

- Swiftmeister"?
- Oh!

That wasn't for you. (Whimpers)

Mind your own beeswax.
Oh!

Before you go,

there's a new student
starting today,

and I would like for you
to show him around.

Oh, man, why me?

- You get to miss class.
- You got yourself a deal.

- (beep)
- Patty, send him in, please.

(romantic music)

(vocalizing)

- Both: It's you.
- (nervous laugh)

‐I'm Gabby
‐Leo.

(vocalizing)

I don't know.

They're just kind of
staring at each other,

They're really making
a meal out of it.

So, that's the school.

I'm guessing it's probably
a lot like your last one.

Uh, actually I moved
here from Vegas,

so I'm used to slot
machines in the halls

and Elvis impersonators
in the classrooms.

Seriously?

- No.
- (laughs)

This town is definitely
different though.

Slower, I guess.

You mean boring?
Look, I get it.

I moved here from
Miami two years ago,

and I hated it so much.

(soft laugh)

My advice,
give it some time.

This town has a lot more
to offer than you think.

Star Night, huh?
What's, uh, what's that all about?

There's a meteor shower
Friday night,

so the school
is having this event

where students can set up
blankets on the football field,

eat food, and watch the stars.

Yeah, I don't know.
People are saying

it's gonna be romantic, but...

I could see that.

I mean, if you're there
with the right person.

[♪]

- (bell ringing)
- (hall chatter)

(music stops)

Well, uh, thanks for
showing me around.

Yeah, it was fun.
I really liked...

And... he's gone.

Really, Howard?

Absolutely!

Wait, what are we talking about?

(sighs)

I know this is gonna
sound crazy, but...

let's splurge for dessert.

- What would you like?
- I'd like a kiss.

Is that a new special?

Wessy‐bear.

We've been dating
for a while now,

and I think
it's time we kissed.

Each other?

Okay. Um...

[♪]

- (record scratch)
- (laughs) Not now. At Star Night.

(sighs) Thank goodness

because I know I have
cilantro in my teeth,

- and you hate cilantro, so...
- So, what do you think?

I think it's beautiful
that you want to mark

this milestone
under the stars.

Yes, but mostly, I want
to know all your thoughts.

What's that now?

Because our lips have
so many nerve endings,

a kiss will send my telepathy
into overdrive,

giving me access to all
your most intimate memories,

secrets, and fears and stuff.

So...

anything that's ever
gone through my mind?

Exactly!
We'll be closer than ever.

Isn't that so romantic?

To‐totally!

Oh, man, I can't wait for
you to get inside my head!

Because I have, like,
zero dark memories,

secrets, fears,
and stuff in there.

(giggles)

My thoughts are all cool.

Can't wait for our kiss.

(laughing and crying)

(sighs)

Jeremy, what is it
you have to tell me?

Because I'm very busy.

- No, you're not.
- No, I'm not.

(sighs) What's up?

Please allow my presentation
to do the talking for me.

[♪]

I want to go to human school.

That's it?

What do you mean?
That took me six hours.

Jeremy, there is no way I'm
letting you go to human school.

It's simply too dangerous!

Not for me.
Smell my muscles.

Smell how big they are.

(sniffing)
Oh, y‐yes.

They smell huge,

but that's not the point.

All it would take
is one blob‐out

for your alien form
to be exposed.

The human world
is unpredictable.

And frankly,

I can't trust that you'll be
able to control yourself

when faced with the unknown.

So I'm sorry,

but my answer is no.

Look, I know sometimes I
can be a bit of a‐‐ - (Orb hovering)

Orb:
Jerk. Meanie. Monster.

[♪]

I've grown up a lot
since we came here.

I need to challenge myself,
and I can't do that

when I'm stuck in this house
with you and stupid Orb day.

Orb:
I would leave if I could,

and I would never come back.

Principal. Pleee...

(holding "E")

(gasps) eee...

Fine!

I'll consider it.

But, you will have
to prove to me

that you can walk
amongst the humans

without revealing
your alien identity.

So get ready, Jeremy,

'cause I'll be preparing

a series of soul‐crushing tests

that will push your every limit.

I have no limit, so good luck.

[♪]

- Hm...
- Hm...

But, like, tomorrow, right?

'Cause that presentation
really took it outta me.

Obviously. (Laughs)

It's : . Nothing can
get done at this hour.

And then Leo said Star Night
could be romantic

with the right person. And it
was, like, a moment, you know?

And then Howard
blew it for me.

Oh hey, Gabby.
Care for a puff?

As soon as we kiss, Sky is
gonna find out that my parents

didn't really stop me
from going to summer camp.

I just didn't want to go

because I was afraid I would've
been assigned a top bunk.

(whispers): Man was not meant to
sleep that high off the ground, Gabby.

And now I'll probably
never see Leo again.

We have zero classes together,

- and this school's huge!
- Gabby. Hey.

Um, look,
I know we only just met,

and this is probably
crazy, but...

Will you go to
Star Night with me?

Uh‐‐ Yes!

- That sounds great.
- Really?

I mean, yeah, cool.

Then, I'll see you tonight.

[♪]

School's huge.

Oh my gosh!
Wes, did you see that?

Oh, wait, aren't you
babysitting tonight?

Yes...

No, no, no, no, no, no!

Wesley:
What are you gonna do?

You know what? I deserve
to hang out with the guy I like.

I'm canceling that
babysitting assignment.

I'm going to Star Night with Leo
and nothing's gonna stop me.

(ominous music)

(zap)

(echoing voice):
Gabby Duran,

you cannot go to
Star Night with that boy.

[♪]

What's going on,
and who are you?

We are DUMB.

Defenders United
Maintaining Balance.

An omniscient intergalactic
body that maintains

the balance
of the universe.

And we've been watching you.

Okay, we can all agree
that's creepy, right?

And probably illegal?

Gabby Duran, you cannot
go to Star Night with Leo.

If you do,

our calculations suggest

it could be the catalyst
to a series of events

that would endanger
alien existence on Earth,

thereby upsetting
universal balance.

I‐I don't understand.

(beep)

The universe exists
on a delicate plane.

One small shift, like
exposing aliens on Earth

for example,
and the equilibrium collapses.

(pop, zap)

DUMB : And it is our job
to keep that from happening

by using
cosmological probability

to assess potential threats
and intervene when necessary.

And you are a thr*at.

So let me get this straight.

You think that if I go
to Star Night with Leo,

it could maybe,
but not definitely,

end with a lot of
bad stuff happening?

Well, problem solved.

I just won't let that happen,

Our equations show that due
to your poor track record

balancing alien
babysitting responsibilities

and your personal life,

it is far more likely
that you will.

(scoffs) That is ridiculous.

You and your space math
have no idea who I am

or what I'm capable of.

You left a client
alone to go shopping,

and he shrunk
his house.

You brought
a touch‐telepath to school

to track down a rumor
and fried her brain.

You poisoned a restaurant
with Invisalizards.

Fine. I‐I did those things,

but it doesn't prove anything.

It proves a pattern.

You cannot be trusted
to make the right choices.

And in this situation,
the wrong choice with Leo

could well end in disaster.

What if I don't listen to you?

The decision is final.

You will not go to
Star Night with that boy,

and you will tell no one
about this conversation.

Wha...

[♪]

(zap)

What...

(sighs) Man, it puffed
into thin air again.

(hissing)

[♪]

You're doing great, Wesley.

Just remember to breathe
in through the nose

and out through the pores.

I still don't know
what that means.

Deep down, you do.

But deeper down, you don't.

Okay.

Thank you again, Astra,

for helping me sweat out
all my embarrassing thoughts

before my kiss with Sky.

There are just some things
in there she shouldn't see.

(sighs)

Unless...

you think my real journey is
just being honest with her?

- No.
- Oh.

You have many sad man thoughts
you should keep to yourself.

You may want to
keep those vials.

Should your relationship
crash and burn,

you might want your
strange thoughts back.

(scoffs) I don't think
it'll crash and burn.

Why? Do you know
something I don't?

And we are done.

- (grunts)
- (helmet hisses)

Really? Because there
are still some things

floating around up there
that I would like to forget.

That's because today
we only purged

% of your unwanted thoughts.

Well, how long will it
take to get the rest?

Not long.

Just four more weeks
of six‐hour sessions.

What?

That is the opposite
of not long!

That is long!

You're a liar, Astra!

A big, dumb liar!

I am so sorry.
You did not deserve that.

Make it five weeks.

I mean, it's like who
do they think they are?

(imitating): Telling me
I can't go to Star Night.

(normal):
Forcing me to cancel on a boy

I've made a connection with
that goes far beyond

our objectively good looks.

Also, they're so wrong.

I can definitely balance
babysitting and dating.

(formula humming)

You know, they might be

all‐knowing overlords
of the universe,

but in my opinion,

they're true to
their name. Dumb!

(laughs)

That would slay
if you weren't a baby.

(baby cooing)

[♪]

(drinking)

But you're not just any baby.

You're an alien baby.

So, maybe you're wise
beyond your years.

(baby cooing) - Maybe you
have a vast knowledge of the galaxy

and a comprehension of
all existence that defies

‐time and space‐‐
‐(farts)

Oop! (Giggling)

Or not.

(cooing)

Well, this is officially
the most boring

babysitting gig ever.

[♪]

And to think I could be
stargazing with Leo right now.

Maybe I still can.

(beep)

They said I couldn't
go to Star Night,

but they didn't say anything
about bringing Star Night to me.

(sends text)

I'm gonna prove to those
dummies that Gabby D

- can have it all.
- (fart)

Seriously?

Swift:
Well, Jeremy.

You claim to be ready
to attend school.

So, let's put that
to the test, shall we?

If you can handle
yourself like a human

in these carefully crafted
scenarios I've created

without risking exposure,

that'll prove to me
that you're ready.

That you're mature enough to‐‐

Bring it on, dung fart.

Orb, initiate simulation mode.

(beeping, whirring)

Hey! You're late for class!
That's a write‐up!

What's your name?
What's your date of birth?

What's your student ID
and favorite human activities?

Oh, mama mia!
Say the wrong thing

to the whole monitor,

and you could stand out
as odd, peculiar,

alien even.

(sighs)

[♪]

You're asking a lot of
questions about me,

but when was the last time
someone asked about you?

How are you doing,
hall monitor?

Your story matters, too.

Actually...

I've been having
a really hard day.

(crying)

Wow. He really
brought that one home.

One for Jer‐Bear.

(crying continues)

But, we've only just begun.

(Gabby and Leo laughing)

Leo: No, I'm serious. That's
when I realized the tiger

was just two full‐grown
men in body paint.

(laughing)

Man, Vegas sounds like a trip.

Hey, I'm really sorry
I had to cancel on you earlier,

but this kind of
worked out, right?

We've got our own
Star Night here.

And I'd say this
is even better

'cause it's...
it's just us.

(beep)

(sighs) Just gotta check
the old baby monitor.

[♪]

All good. So,

what's your favorite thing
about Havensburg so far?

Oh, man.
That's a tough question,

but I think I gotta
go with Luchachos.

No. That is the correct answer.

Luchachos is the best.

Their Cheesy Chacho Chalupa is

- cheesy perfection.
- Cheesy perfection.

(both laugh)

Uh, you know,
actually, I think

Luchachos might be my second
favorite thing about Havensburg.

- (beeping)
- (sighs)

Sorry, this thing's annoying.

(beeping)

What?

Hey, I'm gonna hit the bathroom
before the meteor shower starts.

It's a number one,
not that you need to know that.

I'll be right back. Two seconds.

Celeste! Where are you?

See, now would be a great
time for you to fart

so I can find you!

(squishing)

- (squeaking)
- (cooing)

(giggling)

(gasps) Oh no, no, no.

(squishing)

(giggling)

Is everything okay?

Yup‐yup!
I just gotta go check out

a possible raccoon situation.
But please, stay right here,

eyes firmly planted on
the sky, and I'll BRB.

Oh look! I think
the meteor shower started.

- (baby cooing)
- Come on, Celeste. Take my hand.

Come on down.
I got you.

Come here, Celeste! It's okay!

(baby giggling)

(straining)

Gabby: It's alright! Please,
Celeste, - What is going on?

(cooing)

That's not a raccoon!

(whimpering)

- No!
- (zap)

DUMB Leader:
Hello, Gaby Duran.

What is happening?

You disobeyed our orders,

and now you must face
the consequences.

[♪]

(indistinct chatter)

(sighs)

You got this, Wes Man.

- I got corn dogs.
- (laughs) Thank you.

Do I eat the stick
or the stuff on the stick?

The stuff on the stick.

Sky, about the kiss...

Are you as excited as I am?

I can't wait to finally
know everything about you.

Yeah! No, me, too. I just...

What if we postpone it just

four, maybe five weeks?

Wes, do you not want to kiss me?

No. I mean, I do! I just...

(panting)

I am freaking out about
you knowing all my thoughts.

I mean, what'll you think about
me when you find out I don't know

the difference between
clockwise and counterclockwise.

That I have peed in
the sink in an emergency

and in a non‐emergency.

That on multiple occasions,
I've heard my dad scream,

"Help! My back!"

And I pretended not to
hear him‐‐ - Wessy‐bear.

I like you for you.

Nothing I find out
will change that.

Really?

- Even the pee thing?
- Especially the pee thing.

I don't know what
that means, but...

- I'll take it.
- (laughs)

(sighs)

Man. My life has
never been better.

(giggles)

In this scenario,
noted teacher Mr. Falkenbury

- has challenged you to a fight.
- Hey!

I'm a teacher,
you are a student,

- but we're gonna fight!
- (boxing bell)

Meet me by
the dumpsters.

‐Uh‐‐
‐But simultaneously,

Howard's prized
locker hoagie has just

- proposed marriage to you.
- (organ music)

But you know its secret.
That it's evil

and is marrying you
just for the money!

- What do you do?
- (sighs)

[♪]

Okay, that is it.

I call baloney
and cheese on this.

Whatever do you mean, Jeremy?

These scenarios are ridiculous.

Even I know these
have nothing to do

with what really
happens at school.

[♪]

It's like you want me to fail!

Alright, fine.

You caught me.

- Orb, shut down simulation mode.
- (beep)

(zapping, whirring)

You're right, Jeremy.

Those last ones were not

realistic school scenarios.

Teachers would never
fight students.

That would be
wildly inappropriate.

And honestly,

I can't say you're really

Howard's hoagie's type.

You don't know that!

Well...

anyway, the truth is

I didn't want you
to pass this test

because I'd prefer

you didn't go to school.

Aw. Because you don't want me

to spread my wings
and leave the nest?

(laughs) Oh, no, not at all.

School is simply

my last remaining
Jeremy‐free zone,

and I cherish that sanctuary.

But regardless,

you have passed.

The way you carried yourself
in these simulations

prove to me that you are ready.

You can go to school.

- Baller.
- And actually,

despite my attempts at sabotage,

I have never... been...

prouder of you. (Crying)

[♪]

What is this dumb water
falling out of my eyes?!

You've earned this bona fide

school ID.

Man, my life
has never been better.

Please tell me what's going on.

Why did Celeste just disappear?

Celeste and this
babysitting assignment

were created by us
to keep you away from Leo

and compromising the balance.

We tried to keep you from going
to Star Night with the boy,

but you decided to shirk your
responsibilities and go anyway.

Shirk is such
a strong word.

Then, even after
we directly forbade you

from seeing Leo
and explained

the thr*at of your
interaction with him,

you still brought him here
to an alien residence.

Well, when you...

say it like that, it sounds bad.

Your actions tonight confirmed

you are a risk
to the aliens on Earth,

and we must eliminate that risk.

- You're gonna k*ll me?
- No.

We're rebooting you.

You will have no
knowledge of aliens,

babysitting,
or any of your friends.

That's even worse.

We do not do this lightly.

Goodbye, Gabby Duran.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait!
- (zap)

[♪]

(zap)

(zap)

[♪]

I really think this is gonna
be good for us, mijas.

I agree.

Moving to a new town is a
great time to reinvent yourself.

I think I'll become
studious and exacting.

No palm trees, no beach.

There's zero chance
I don't hate it here.

Dina: I'm sure you'll find something
you'll love about Havensburg.

[♪]

[♪]

(clinks)

Okay, time to test.

[♪]

(water splashing)

(chuckling)

Perfect. This'll teach
'em to be... thirsty?

Hey!

What are you doin' in here?!

Outrunning you, Neil!

- (thuds)
- (groans) Ow!

(sighs)

Yep, still hate it here.

[♪]

Why can't you find a positive
outlet for your energy?

This is the second time
in a month that you've

been dragged home for
something like this, Gabby.

When are you gonna
get it together?

Do you care that I had
to leave work early for this?

They're never gonna promote
me to assistant manager‐‐

(relaxing music plays)

Nope.

Find your calm, Dina.

"You're only as angry as
the anger makes you feel."

What does that even mean?

I don't know.

I think I'm just supposed
to keep repeating it.

Well, I feel what I'm feeling,

and what I'm feeling is

hate for this dumb town.

Gabby, if you would
just give it a ch‐‐

I tried giving it a chance!

For two years!

How much longer do
I have to give it?

‐I don't know, but just‐‐
‐(walkie‐talkie static)

Olivia:
Everything okay down there?

- I heard raised voices, over.
- (walkie‐talkie beeps)

Yes.

- Dina: Everything's fine, Liv.
- (walkie‐talkie beeps)

- (walkie‐talkie static)
- Copy.

Let me know if that quote‐unquote
"Linda" comes by again.

Contrary to what she says,
I don't believe she's my friend,

and I don't believe she's
a ‐year‐old girl, over.

(walkie‐talkie beeps)

(squeaking)

You gerbils have it
all figured out, Henrietta.

Eat when you're hungry,
sleep when you're tired...

never leave your cage.

Switch with me.

Well, we're gonna have
to figure something out,

because this is
getting out of hand.

Your sister hasn't left
her room in eight months

because you've been
pranking her so hard.

I'm starting to think that if
things don't turn around soon,

maybe you'd be better off
back in Miami with your father.

(sighs)

I'm sorry, I have to go do some
calming exercises. Excuse me.

And remember, we have
family therapy tomorrow at : .

You promised me
you'd be there this time.

[♪]

Just one more screw‐up
and I go back to Miami?

Challenge accepted.

Ick. Star Night.

Just when I thought Havensburg
couldn't get any lamer.

Um, actually, Star Night
is really cool.

At least those of us in respectable
society seem to think so.

Can you just, like,
tone it down a bit?

Your voice and opinions are
giving me a literal migraine.

Also, who's the new kid?

‐Hi, I'm‐‐
‐Gabby, this is Leo,

who I've been assigned
to show around the school.

Leo, this is Gabby, school
delinquent. Avoid her.

That's good advice, actually.
In fact, avoid everyone.

(whispers):
They all suck.

Now, shouldn't you two
be running along so you can

show Leo how to powder
the principal's butt?

Principal!
Gabby's being vulgar again!

Ugh.

(chuckling)

Vulgarity, Gaberella?
Eek. I don't love that.

Now, you just button it up, hm?

Otherwise, and‐‐
ooh, don't hate me!

Did someone mention detention?

I did! The punishing
poet. What can I say?

See you at
Star Night, Princi‐pal!

Not if I see you first,
Susie‐Doozy!

(scoffs)
"Respectable society."

Actually, this might be

exactly what I need.

(slams)

[♪]

Hey, watch it.

Sugar khakis!

Wait up!

[♪]

Uck.

(clears throat) As you all know,
tonight is the big meteor shower.

Those who view life
through an astrological lens,

think events like these
often accompany big changes

in ways we don't expect.

Like how last year,

my horoscope said
to take chances.

So I looked at that solar
eclipse without eye protection.

Look...

instead of math today,

everybody's gonna
do a free write

about one big moment
that changed your life.

I know what I'll
be thinking about...

how beautiful
that eclipse was

before it unleashed the
sun and b*rned my eye!

Turn 'em in or don't.

I don't care anymore.

Wesley: Well, if there was one
moment that changed my life forever,

it was when my parents
gave me my first football.

I was pretty sad that day

because no one had joined my
Mysteries of Havensburg club.

I can't believe
I used to be into aliens

and werewolves and stuff.

So weak sauce!

Anyway, Pops knew exactly
what would make me feel better.

And for the first
time in my life,

football had me
running a tight route.

(clapping and cheering)

Now, I'm livin' the life.

I'm captain of the team
and best friends with Howard.

And I'm datin'
the coolest girl in school.

She's so chill and awesome,

I almost can't stand
being around her at all.

Yep. Thank goodness
I found football.

I don't miss
the Old Wes at all.

I certainly don't wake up
in the middle of the night

drenched in sweat,
convinced I've been living a lie.

Or have dream after dream where I'm
drowning in a literal ocean of footballs

that smell like
my father's aftershave.

Howard: Wes?!

What were you writing?

Uhhh...

"Havensburg football rules"!

Havensburg football does rule!

Howard: Come on.

[♪]

What up, fam!
Gabby D here, student ID D .

Just cranked the brightness
on these field lights,

and now I'm about
to do a little rewiring

so they can't be turned off.

Hope everyone has fun
not seeing any meteors

tomorrow at Star Night. Peace!

(phone beeps)

There. That should be
all the evidence I need.

Miami, here I come.

I can smell the ropa vieja now.

Huh. Kinda thought this
would be a little more obvious.

Eh, it's probably
the yellow one.

Yeah, it's always
the yellow one.

(zaps)

(yelling)

(squawking)

(singing)

(splashing)

(yelling)

- (thuds)
- (groans)

What... was... that?

[♪]

(crashes)

(grunts)

Hey, watch the jacket!

Gabby Duran?

My GFF, Susie, says I'm supposed
to avoid delinquents like you.

Look, I don't know what's
going on, but I just got

a bunch of what feel like
memories or something

and they're all about
how aliens are real

and somehow you're involved.

I can't explain it exactly,

but I just can tell
something's not right

and you need
to help me fix it.

(chuckles) Did Howard and
the boys put you up to this?

Man, I'm gonna give
'em such a noogie.

Sorry to burst your bubble,

but I don't believe
in that stuff anymore.

Honestly, for your own
health and well‐being,

you should just give up
all this crazy talk

and start playing football.

You're a very strong tackler.

Wait, please.

I don't know
what's happening,

but something inside
is saying you're the one

that's supposed to
help me through it.

(sighs)
Gabby, Gabby, Gabby.

Principal Swift:
Gabby, Gabby, Gabby.

Gabby, Gabby, Gabby.

Oh, Gabby, Gabby, Gabby.

Wes: I'm not the
one you're lookin' for.

I'm just a regular
red‐blooded, football‐playin'

American dream boy.

Now,

if you'll excuse me,

I have to go find
some online tutorials

so I can get better
at braiding Susie's hair.

Wait.

There was a guy who
used to be principal here.

Swift or something?

Yeah, I remember him.

Pretty sure I know where he is
if you're looking for him.

(Spanish guitar playing)

Welcome to Luchachos,

home of the
Cheesy Chacho Chalupa.

May I take your order?

Oh, I guess I'll
have some taquitos,

a horchata,
and maybe a side of‐‐

(whispers): You're an
alien and we need to talk!

(softly): My break is in
minutes. Meet me in the back.

[♪]

Thank you so much for making
time for this family therapy session.

Olivia:
Yes, thank you. Over.

So, tell me,
Dr. Skysdaad,

how do you understand
human emotion so well?

By studying the human race

as if it were a different
species from my own.

Which of course it is not,
for I am a human like you.

And we relate to each
other on many levels,

like being parents
and having hair.

So wise.

Where is your other daughter?

(sighs)

I don't know.

I told her how
important this was to me.

She promised me
she'd be here.

Where is she?

So what I saw was all true?
You really are an alien?

Yes, yes I am.

Ooh, I was really hoping no
one would find out about that.

But in the memories I had,

you were still
principal of the school,

not working
in a restaurant.

Ah, yes, school.

That seems like
a lifetime ago.

Principal Swift: You see, I came
here with my nephew, Jeremy,

both of us fresh‐faced
from the planet Gor‐Monia

eager to take in all
that Earth had to offer.

But I quickly discovered
I was unable to find

a suitable babysitter
for Jeremy.

(Jeremy yells)

You see,
he's a spirited child

and it takes
a certain amount of nerve

to stomach him
for long periods of time.

On top of that,

none of the other
aliens in Havensburg

could find a suitable
sitter, either.

So, a good Samaritan that I am,

I offered to fill the void.

- (alien spits)
- (groans)

After falling asleep
for the th time at work...

and totally freaking out
at my alien boss

during our monthly check‐in...

You sparkly moron!

Do you know what I'm
going through down here?

I was fired

from both my job as principal

and my position
as Jeremy's caretaker.

But all is well.

I spend my mornings
schlocking breakfast burritos

and the rest
of my free time...

caring for Jeremy . .

Well, you need to help me.

I'm seeing things,
alien things,

and I need to figure out
what's going on.

I ‐ I just know that life's
supposed to be better somehow,

not just for me,
but for you, too.

A better life than this?

(chuckles)

Surely you jest.
I have Jeremy . !

(thumps)

I'm going to need
a better life,

but I'm afraid the only means
I would have of helping you

would be in my old home,

and that is currently
occupied by the most vile,

reprehensible
alien imaginable.

Glor‐bron!

Get here right now!

Yes, bestie?

I'm bored. Let's order a pizza and
when the delivery guy gets here,

go up on the roof and
throw lawn chairs at him.

Yeah, uh,

turns out none of the pizza
places will deliver to us anymore.

How 'bout falafels instead?

No! No falafels! Don't
ever say that to me again!

What is wrong with you?
What is a falafel?

Right, right, of course.

I'll go back to my closet.

You're a gem
and I'm gutter trash.

Please don't ever dislike me.

What are you lookin' at?

(doorbell rings)

[♪]

Okay, I've been told
this is a very bad idea‐‐

Principal Swift:
Please don't do this!

But I'm involved in something
I really don't understand

and the things I need to
understand it, are in your house.

Can I come in?

Of course.
Step right on in.

Really?

Oh, okay.

Wow.

- Ah!
- (thuds)

I'll never trust you
or any human ever.

Yeah! Now why don't you‐‐

No, Glor‐Bron, no!

I'm talking right now!
You're not talking right now!

Sorry, bestie.
So sorry.

Gabby, we need to talk.

Can it wait? I've sort of got
a lot going on right now.

No, it can't.

I've been thinking about it and I don't
think we can go on like this any longer.

So, I talked it
over with your dad,

and we think it would
be best for everyone

if you went back to
Miami to live with him.

You should start packing.
You're leaving tomorrow morning.

No, you can't send me back to
Miami! I'll be better, I promise!

Gabby, it's clear that
you're never gonna thrive here.

Going back to Miami
and living with your father

is gonna be better
for you, I promise.

Trust me, this isn't
something we're doing lightly.

This isn't something
we're doing lightly.

We do not do this lightly.

But the decision is final.

But the decision is final.

The decision is final.

The decision is‐‐

You cannot go to
Star Night with that boy.

You'll be babysitting
a new client named Celeste.

(echoing):
No!

Are you okay?

Just let me go to Star Night.

What? No way.
You're not going anywhere.

No, please. Just let
me do this one thing

and I'll never ask you for
anything else ever again,

I promise.

Gabby, I know this is a
lot to spring on you, but‐‐

(walkie‐talkie static) - Olivia:
Mom, there's an emergency!

- I need you right away!
- (walkie‐talkie beeps)

I'll be right back.
Stay right there.

Yes, Liv.
What you do‐‐ hey!

(door slams)

Go! Get out of here!

Liv, what are you doing?

Look, I only know what
comes through the walkie,

but something feels
different about you.

Whatever's going on...
I believe you.

- Really?
- Yes.

Unless this is
another prank.

If this is a prank,
I'm gonna be so mad

at myself for
being so gullible.

Thanks, Liv.

(phone clicks)

Swifty, I need you to meet
me at the football field.

Dina: (shouts) Olivia!
Let me out of here, right now!

Only if you let me back in!

[♪]

Hey, Susie, do you
believe in UFOs?

I believe in UFBs,
Undeniably Funny Boyfriends.

Boop.

Great joke, babe.

Everyone knows
aliens aren't real.

(shouts):
Hey, everybody!

Aliens are real!

(indistinct chatter)

Are you sure about this?

Trust me, just remember
what we talked about, okay?

I'm serious! Everybody,
look at me right now!

(yells):
No one listen to her!

She's probably just trying to
ruin Star Night for everyone!

Security!

(sighs)

Okay, I think it's about
time that you left.

Neil, come on!
I thought we were friends!

Now, Swift! Now!

I said that one time
in a moment of weakness.

Gabby:
I don't know what's happening,

but something inside
is saying you're the one

that's supposed to
help me through it.

‐Wes, what are you‐‐
‐Hey!

(yelps)
Perfect spiral.

Uh, Gabby, I‐I
don't think I can do this.

I know this is scary,
but you can do this.

You're not supposed
to wear an apron

and talk to
trash mannequins.

You're supposed
to be a principal

and watch over your

very obnoxious alien nephew.

The point is,
we can fix all of this,

but you need
to believe in me.

Gabby: (yells)
Everybody, look over here.

(crowd exclaiming)

(screams)

I knew it.

(roars)

(silence)

You again.

I babysat aliens.

I had something in my life
that made me special,

and you took that away.

We did what we had to in order
to maintain universal balance.

You're simply too much of a risk

to be allowed contact
with alien life,

as you've proven, once again,
with this little display.

Well, what if your universal
math was wrong, huh?

I mean, look around.

Everything is
way worse now.

I mean, my sister's
basically a gerbil!

What if by trying
to control everything,

you actually threw
everything out of balance?

If I'm wrong,
reboot me again.

But I guarantee
no matter what you do,

I'm gonna find my way back
to the aliens in this town

because I'm Gabby D

and babysitting aliens
is what I was meant to do.

Okay, ya gonna reboot me,
or what?

I can't read your
beautiful rose gold faces.

Perhaps our calculations about
you and that boy were incorrect.

I suppose if we didn't
give you a second chance,

you might call us dumb.

Aye!

You made a joke!

Dumb? Like your name?

- No.
- (snaps)

(tape rewinding)

♪

(light music playing)

[♪]

Hey, I'm really glad your
babysitting client canceled last minute,

because this is
pretty perfect.

It really is.

[♪]

(phone buzzing)

(phone ringing)

Leo (on phone):
It's Leo. Leave a message.

Woman:
He didn't pick up,

but don't worry,
he knows what to do.

It's time Gabby Duran
learned the truth

about who she really is.

[♪]

[♪]

[♪]

Gorgeous.