04x18 - Prisoner of Love

[bunniefuu]

( whistling sprightly tune )

Starring Andy Griffith...

with Ronny Howard.

Also starring Don Knotts.

You know what I just might do tonight?

What?

Go home, change, drop by Thelma Lou's,

watch that George Raft movie on the TV.

( distant train whistle blowing )

Good.

Yes, sir, that's just what I might do.

Go home, change, drop by Thelma Lou's,

watch the George Raft movie on the TV.

I might drop over at the choir meeting.

They're voting on the new robes for next year.

They gonna change them are they?

Yeah.

Sissy Noonan wants all white with black collars.

Fred Henry, he wants black with white collars.

I reckon they're gonna be fighting about it all night.

That where you're gonna go then, choir meeting?

I might.

Not me.

You know what I'm gonna do?

Go home, change, over to Thelma Lou's

and watch that George Raft movie on TV?

Yeah. Mm.

( phone ringing )

( sighs )

Telephone.

( telephone continues ringing )

I'll get it.

Sheriff's Office.

I see.

Oh.

All right, I guess we can take care of it.

Right.

Okay.

State Police.

They want to park a prisoner here overnight.

Why don't they use their own place?

Said something about

wantin' to get back on the stakeout.

Well, I guess this means

one of us is gonna have to stay.

Uh, yeah, well, I expect

you're the one they'll want here

to sign in and everything.

I mean, you being the high sheriff,

it's only proper.

Well, I'll be on my way.

Then again, it's an excellent opportunity

for a deputy to learn something,

and you're always so anxious to learn.

You want me to stay?

Is that what you want?

No. No.

You go ahead.

Besides, I wouldn't feel right

having Thelma Lou spend a whole evening alone

in a dark room with George Raft.

( laughs )

Well, she is probably expecting me, you know.

I mean, she's more than likely

made up a whole pan of cashew fudge.

Of course, if you really want me to stay now... Oh, no. No.

No, I mean it.

Business before pleasure, you know that.

Oh, well, since you put it that way...

Of course she is expecting me.

Okay.

Just stay long enough

for me to run over to the drugstore

to get a magazine, okay?

Okay. Don't be long.

All right.

Oh, here comes somebody now.

Be right back. Okay.

Good evening, Deputy.

How are you?

Appreciate your helping us out.

Well, cell's all ready for you.

OFFICER: I'll need your John Hancock

on the custody receipt.

It'll just be for tonight.

Suspected of grand larceny, jewel thief...

and if our stakeout works, by morning,

we'll have her partner, too.

Then maybe I'll be able to get some sleep.

There you are.

Right here.

See you in the morning.

( door closes )

Hello.

Hi.

( clears throat ) Uh...

are you the prisoner?

Well, someone has to be, and it's not you, is it?

( laughs ): No, it's not me.

Well, then it must be me

since there're only the two of us here.

I don't know much about these things.

What should I call you, Sergeant? Lieutenant?

No. No, nothing like that.

No, you can just, uh,

( clears throat ) call me by my name.

How nice.

And what is your name?

It's, uh... it's... it's Fife!

Bernard P. Fife.

Well, Bernard Fife.

Deputy Fife.

Barney Fife!

That's, uh, Barney Fife's my name.

Barney.

There's a nice sound to it.

You really think so?

You're a deputy.

I should've guessed from your star.

Star?

Your badge.

Badge?

Oh, uh, my badge.

Say, it is shaped like a star.

Just exactly like a... a star.

You wear it right over your heart, don't you?

Mm-hmm.

Have you got a match?

Hmm?

Match?

You want a light?

Mm-hmm.

I'll get you an ashtray.

Andy, guess what?

I really don't mind staying here after all.

Oh, now, don't start that again. No, I really mean it.

I don't mind.

No, now, you go on and have a good time

and keep things here at the jail

the furthest thing from your mind.

Yeah, well, uh, uh, well... Character.

Oh, boy.

( sighs )

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

( clears throat )

Evenin'.

Evening.

Are you the prisoner?

That's what they tell me.

Am I being a problem?

Oh, no, no.

You're not being a problem.

It's just that, uh, well, we expected a man.

Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you.

Oh, no, no.

I'm not disappointed.

It's just that, uh, Sergeant Jacobs

never said anything about you being... a female.

Maybe he didn't notice.

I expect he noticed.

I mean, you don't look anything like a boy.

Well, uh, if, uh, if you need anything,

I'll, uh, I'll be right here.

And I'll be right here.

Yeah.

Well...

Hey, Andy, I checked in the paper on that movie,

and guess what?

It's one I've already seen.

Oh, well...

So I might as well take the duty.

There's no sense in seeing it twice.

Oh, well, I appreciate that, Barn,

but after all, I did promise,

and a deal's a deal.

Well, it wasn't a real deal.

I mean, we didn't shake on it or nothing.

And besides, this is nothing but a deputy's job.

It wouldn't be right to trouble a high sheriff with it.

Yeah, but a sheriff should not ask a deputy

to take on a job he wouldn't handle himself,

so you just run on and-and see Thelma Lou.

Now wait a minute!

Now, that wouldn't be fair!

I've been pushing jobs off on you...

( arguing continues ) Excuse me?

What is it?

I hate to be a bother.

No bother at all.

Not in the slightest.

I'll handle this, Ange.

Well, what seems to be the trouble?

Oh, this is my deputy.

Oh, I know.

Hi, Barney.

Oh...

You know one another?

Oh, well, no.

I-I just was here when she was signed in and everything.

I don't really know her.

I mean, I couldn't tell her from Adam.

Really, Barney?

You couldn't tell me from Adam?

( giggles )

( chuckles )

How'd you get to be a deputy with eyesight like that?

( laughs ) Yeah.

What, uh, what was it you wanted?

Could I possibly have another pillow?

Pillow?!

Got one right in here.

It's locked. I'll get it.

I'll get it. I'll get it. I'll get it. I'll get it.

I'll get it. I've got it.

He'll get the pillow.

Excuse me.

Thank you.

She's got the pillow now.

There. That ought to screen you off pretty well.

Thank you.

Nighty-night.

Night.

Night.

Well, I guess she's all settled down for beddy-bye.

Yeah.

The light's a little bright for sleepin'.

Yeah.

( sighs )

( both clearing throat )

Hi, everybody!

The doc was right.

He said that stuff would blind me sooner or later.

( whispers ): Get outta here.

Oh, thank heavens, I can see all four of ya now.

Good night.

Otis... Hey! Hey, what happened?

Where is everything?

There's been a crook in this jail.

Police! Police!

Otis, Otis, shh, shh, shh.

Otis, w-we can't take ya tonight.

Can't take me?!

I am entitled to be in there.

I am drunk and disorderly.

I am here on a legitimate - .

You gotta get outta here.

I'll call my attorney.

He'll have me in there just like that.

Otis, shh! We'll take ya home.

Home?! To my wife?!

Oh, that's police brutality!

Let me go!

We're sorry about this.

Now, Otis, come out of the cell.

No, no, no.

No! No!

( all straining and groaning )

If you don't go home, I'm not gonna let you...

Otis: My wife...!

Get the door! Get the door!

I can't go home.

Good night.

( pounding on door )

Let me in! He's gonna wake up the whole town.

One of us is gonna have to take him home.

But he lives so far.

All right, we'll flip for it.

Well, I... Call it.

Heads. No, tails, tails!

Heads.

Two out of three. No.

You ready?

Okay. Go ahead.

( Barney screams )

( chuckles )

Well... I guess all the excitement's over with.

( chuckling ): My.

It's kind of a kooky jail, but it's fun.

I'm enjoying it.

( chuckling )

Well, if, uh...

if there's not anything else you want...

But there is.

I mean...

well, if it, uh, "ain't agin' regelations..."

( chuckling )

I suppose it sounds silly, but do you think you could...

well, maybe, uh...

pull up a chair and, uh, talk with me a little?

Oh. Sure.

Sure.

ANDY: Well, anyway, Henry Gilley was just

the shyest thing that ever lived.

He just couldn't seem to get up the nerve

to ask Tyla Lee Vernon to marry him.

Till one Saturday night, out on her front porch swing,

he turned to her, and he says, "Tyla Lee,

" years I've been settin' out here with you

"every Saturday night, weather permittin',

"and years I been walkin' you home from prayer meetin',

"and all that time I been bringin' ya candy and flowers

"and stuff like that.

"Now, Tyla Lee, let-let me ask ya now,

ain't you beginnin' to smell a rat?"

( both laughing )

Oh...

And they did get married?

Yeah.

Live in a little yella house two up from the corner.

( chuckling )

Sheriff... Hmm?

Thank you.

What'd I do?

Well, it's what you didn't do.

You didn't ask me why and how come I'm here.

You've given me an evening in which

the only one asking questions was myself,

and that's very nice.

Well, I, uh...

guess I better do a little work.

Darn this thing.

What's the trouble?

It gets stuck all the time.

Well, here... let me give you a hand.

It does seem to be stuck, doesn't it?

Oh, it's this one...

( car horn honks )

That's probably... ( car door slamming )

probably Barney.

I'm back.

Sorry I took so long. I...

Ol' Otis got away three times.

Oh, that's-that's- that's okay, Barn.

Okay.

You want some relief now?

Um... yeah.

Yeah, I-I believe I will go get some-some air.

Maybe I'll, maybe I'll go home.

Yeah, yeah, all right.

Yeah. Why don't you do that?

( Andy clearing throat )

Is she, uh, gettin' to ya?

Uh...

No. No. You know, it's just that, um,

I'm kinda tired.

Uh-huh.

Well, why don't you call it a night, and I'll take over?

Yeah, maybe I will.

Yeah.

I'll probably, you know, read a little bit...

turn in.

Yeah. Okay.

Don't you worry about a thing here now.

♪ ♪

What is it, Andy?

Mmm, nothin'.

You're so restless tonight.

Is anything the matter?

Is there any trouble?

No. What could be the trouble?

Oh, well, come on over and sit down. Relax.

Come on, read the evening paper.

Okay.

Ooh, what's that?

Smells like perfume.

Oh. Oh, that's, uh, probably aftershave lotion.

Oh. I wish they'd make women's perfume

as nice as that.

Yeah.

Well, I think I'm off to bed.

Good night, Andy.

Okay, good night.

Don't you worry.

Locks are practically my middle name.

I can open any lock ever made

quicker'n you can say it.

Never saw one yet I couldn't.

I can't imagine how it happened.

Uh, well, now, you just hold tight.

I'll take care of it.

♪ ♪

You sheriff, me prisoner?

I reckon.

Well, you can't blame a girl for trying.

♪ ♪

Well, let me make a phone call,

and we'll take her off your hands.

Let me have State Police Headquarters.

I guess it wasn't very nice of me to try and run away.

I hate to think how I would have to go about

explaining it to anybody.

Anyway, I hope you're not angry with me.

Oh, no. No, I'm not angry.

You angry, Ange?

No, I'm not angry.

Oh, I'm glad, because, well, you're both such

kind of especially nice guys.

I really mean that.

And if things were different, well...

( coughs, clears throat )

All set? Uh-huh.

Uh, take her out to the car, will you Fred?

Oh, I'll be with you then, all the way to the capital.

Oh, wait a minute.

That's my case.

I've been having such trouble with the lock on it.

Do you know about those things?

Well...

you can't blame a girl for trying.

No.