02x36 - The Suite Life Goes To Hollywood-Part1

[bunniefuu]

Man, this blizzard
is crazy.

The snow is up to my--

Ugly skirt,
ugly jacket, ugly hat?

Ugh! I need a vacation.

Well, aren't you
going on one of
your family trips?

Yes. We're going
to minnesota--ice-fishing.

Why do you have to
go fish for ice?

Just get it
out of a machine.

There's one
on every floor.

[elevator dings]

Mom, it's just
a little snow.

I don't need
a scarf.

I'll take it.
Layers keep you warm.

I'm also wearing pairs
of thermal underwear.

Ok, come on. You're
late for school.

I'm coming as fast
as I can.

I've got a -fold wedgie.

Guys, come on.
I had a late show.

I really just want
to go back to bed.

Man on radio:
Wzpz weather on the fives.

As boston experiences
its worst blizzard in years,

All schools are closed.

Yes!

No!

Race you upstairs!

Huh. That got rid
of the wedgie.

♪ here I am
in your life ♪

♪ here you are in mine ♪

♪ guess we have
a suite life ♪

♪ most of the time ♪

♪ you and me,
we got the world to see ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ just me and you
know what to do ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ it's you and me
and me and you ♪

♪ we got the whole place
to ourselves ♪

♪ you and me, we got it
all for free ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ this is the suite life ♪

♪ we've got a suite life ♪

Ouch. The dreaded
shampoo-conditioner split.

I'm bored.

That's because
you're losing...

And you're boring.

Now, go get
the bowling tissue.

Man: I can't
do this anymore.

I'm sick of it,
I tell you. Sick!

Second man: Come on.
One more hit,

And we're out
of this dirty business.

Zach, come here.
Listen.

First man: We wouldn't
be in this mess

If you hadn't
k*lled marla.

Second man:
Don't pin that on me.

We both had
a hand in that.

Anyway, the decision
came from upstairs.

We were just
hired g*ns.

Did you hear that?

Yeah! They argue
like we do.

Yeah, that's
my point.

They're hit men.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know.

We got to
tell somebody.

Tell somebody what?

Nothing. We got nothing
to tell anybody.

Yeah. Why would we
tell somebody nothing?

What's the problem?

[cr*ck]

Problem? We don't have
a problem. Right, zack?

Uhh...Bye!

Come on, lou. Let's
get back to work.

Face it, bud.
Our careers have been over

Since the day
they canceled "marla."

We'll never come up
with a new tv show.

Oh, come on.
Sure we will. Hey!

I got it!
"cows in space!"

It'll be "udderly"
hysterical.

It was jokes like that
that k*lled our careers.

We might as well burn
all our stupid ideas

And go work for my uncle
in the lamp factory.

Yeah. Well, that'll
be a shade better.

Sorry. I just...
I can't turn it off.

I can't
help myself.

Mr. Moseby, you have to
do something quick!

There are a couple
of hit men in !

Ooh. Are they next-door
to the werewolves

You found last weekend?

Ok, you have
to admit,

That guy was
freakishly hairy.

No. No. This time,
it's the real thing.

We heard
their whole conversation

While our ears were accidentally
pressed against their door.

Ah!

Guys, we found
some hit men in the hotel!

Is this anything
like the time

You found an alien
spaceman on the roof?

Hey, no one told us

Moseby hired
a bee exterminator.

I'm telling you,
these guys are K*llers!

They already offed
someone named marla!

That's them!

Don't look!

They're probably carrying
a body in that duffel bag.

Oh, please. Let's not
jump to any conclusions.

Man: Excuse me, miss.

Is there somewhere in this hotel
we can dispose of this?

Preferably
a furnace

Where we
can burn it.

Maddie, why don't
you draw them

A detailed map
to the furnace

So they can zip down
there and check it out?

The bag.

Right. Right. Here.
Let me show you guys.

Ok. Um...It's, uh...

Down floors
at the end of the hall.

[zipper opening]

Uh...Sorry.
Barn door was open.

What are you doing
with our bag?

Excuse me, sir.

Didn't I tell you
not to disturb the guests?

Mr. Moseby,
you don't understand.

Oh, I understand completely.
You're trying to ruin my career.

That's not true.
We're not trying.

Ooh! Ooh!

Oh!

If it happens,
it happens.

I am sorry, madam.

Oh, there you are.

How about
a free dessert?

Run!

Boys, what is
going on in here?

There's a dead body
in that bag.

Those are your kids?

No.
Are you cops?

Then yes.

The next time
you go on vacation,

You might think about
leaving them at home.

Oh, no. We're not on vacation.
We live here.

Out of my way!

At least we used to.

Zack's telling
the truth.

They're hit men!

We're hit men?
No, we're tv writers.

We haven't had
a hit in years.

Ooh! Our mistake.

Look at all this.
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

We complain and get one
of those free desserts?

No.

This hotel,
the wacky twins,

The fussy manager,
the cute girls.

This would make
a great tv show.

Yeah. I'd watch it.

Yeah? You're
gonna write it.

Oh! Even better!

Uh-huh.

Have fun on
your vacation,
madeleine.

Fun?

It's degrees colder
in minnesota than it is here.

Penguins go there and say,
"wow. It's cold. Let's leave."

They have talking
penguins there,

And you still
don't want to go?

Bye, maddie.

Bye.

Bye, maddie.

Bye.

Bye, maddie.

Bye, maddie.

Zach, remember
how we talked about
people's personal space?

Yeah.

And I like maddie's
space the best.

There they are!

Great news!

We've sold
zack and cody!

Marvelous! I'll get
some bubble wrap,

And we'll ship them
off immediately!

No, we sold a sitcom
about twin boys

Living in a hotel,
and you're all in it.

Oh! We're going
to be stars!

Hooray!
Hooray!

No, you're not.

We'll hire actors
to play you.

Oh...
Oh...
Oh...

But you're all
invited to hollywood

To be consultants
on the show!

Hooray!
Hooray!

But you'll have to pay
your own way there.

Oh...
Oh...

We could all go
in my private jet.

Hooray!
Hooray!

But we're all out
of salted nuts.

Oh...
Oh...
Oh...

I've had enough
of this silliness.

I'm out of here.

Hooray!
Hooray!

I heard that.

I've been in l.A.
For minutes,

And all I've done
is sweat.

Maddie, cheer up.
At least you're
not ice-fishing.

How does a private jet
lose someone's luggage?

Well, your suitcase
did look like garbage.

My baggage handlers
probably threw it out.

Yeah, but everybody else
got to change on the plane,

And I've got
nothing to wear.

Sweetie, I've seen
your wardrobe.

Trust me, they did
you a favor.

[horn honking]

[excited conversation]

If I were
any cooler,

I'd be frozen.
Ha ha ha!

All right, everybody,
into the car.

Yeah. Let's go
drive around hollywood

And see if we can spot
some celebrities.

Ooh! Maybe we'll see
johnny vain.

Oh, I love him.

Next to george clooney,
he's my favorite.

A mother can dream.

And then,
after we meet,

Johnny will fall
in love with me

And offer to buy me
some summer clothes.

Yeah, that's
going to happen.

All right,
everybody in .

Get your seatbelts.

Ok. Seatbelts on.♪

, ye ♪

♪ lo♪ to the top,,
ain't gonna stop ♪

♪ everything's ok ♪

♪ another perfect day ♪

♪ hollywood,
we're here to stay ♪

♪ girls are screaming,
hearts are b*ating ♪

♪ what a feeling,
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ another perfect day ♪

♪ lk out, world,
we're on our way ♪

Those girls are
playing volleyball
in their bikinis.

Wow! Look at that
incredible array
of waterfowl!

[knocking]

Come in.

Hello, everyone.
Do not worry.

I have alerted
the manager

To the problems
with our rooms.

"what problem?"
what problem?

Oh. Ok. Well,
my complimentary shower cap

Has a hole in it!

I'm surprised
they haven't shut
the place down.

[telephone ringing]

!

I bet their office
is incredible.

Yeah.
I can't wait.

They probably have
hot secretaries.

And genuine
burlwood
credenzas!

♪ another perfect day ♪

♪ hollywood,
we're here to stay ♪

♪ the sun is shining,
music's playing ♪

♪ what a feeling,
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ just another perfect, another
perfect, another perfect day ♪

[knock on door]

Oh, look who it is!

My favorite kids
in the whole wide world...

And some other people.

Oh, lou, kiss
their heads, hmm?

[mwah mwah]

Uh...I don't mean
to interrupt,

But I need to
make some copies.

Oh, sure, go ahead.
It's right over there.

Thank you.

Wait. Your office
is the copy room?

So much for your
burlwood credenzas.

Pay no attention
to the copying machine.

You don't even notice it.

[copying machine
running loudly]

[loudly] so, I want
to ask you guys

About your lives
in the hotel.

So you can create
three-dimensional characters

That ring true
to the viewing audience?

Right on
the snot locker.

Lou, kiss him
on the head.

[mwah]

Love this kid.

Excuse me.

I'm done.

Good for you.
You're gonna go far.

Thanks, dad.

Anywho, everybody
take a seat.

You guys back in the back.

The ladies get
the front row.

Oh! That hurts.
Ow! Ooh!

So, zack, cody, tell us
some of the wild things

You've done
at the hotel.

Oh. Well...

I...Can't think
of a thing.

I'm drawing
a blank.

You know, maybe
we should do

These interviews
privately,

The twins first.

Everybody else,
will you excuse us?

Yeah.
Sure.

Uh!
Uh!
Uh!

[laughter]

So...So wait.

So the fire department
found the monkey in the vent?

No, no, no.
No, no, no.

The police department
found the python in the vent.

Well, then who
found the monkey?

Nobody. It's still
somewhere in the hotel.

[laughter]

Classic. Oh...

Oh, I'm tearing.

Oh...

Tell us
about yourself.

Well, with me,
what you see is
what you get--

A poor, hardworking,

"pull herself up
by her bootstraps"
kind of girl.

You're wearing
an arturo vitali hat.

Oh. Ha ha. No.
That's just because

The private jet
lost my luggage.

Well, I'm a singer
at the hotel,

But first and foremost,
I'm a mom.

I cook...

And I clean...

And I drive carpool...

And you're just pretending to
write all this down, aren't you?

Uh-huh.

Actually, I'm drawing you
in a coconut bikini.

Uh-huh.

I'm rich.

I know. I've got
pads of that.

Yay me!

Ok
mr. Moseby...

What's
the funniest thing

That ever happened
at the hotel?

The funniest thing...

Oh, ok.

One time, we ran out
of pillow mints.

[stifling laughter]

So instead,
we had to use...

Wait for it.

Nougat! Ha!

Nougat!

[laughter]

Wait, wait, wait.

Isn't that
against the law?

Yeah, but if you're
under ,

They let you off
with a warning.

Especially if you make
a "I can't find my mommy" face.

[laughter]

Oh, we're going to be
such a smash!

All: Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi.

Whoa! This place
is huge!

Look how high
the ceiling is!

And there's
a walkway up there!

No.
Do you think we--

Well, what if we could--

No.
How about--

Don't even think
about it.

There they are.
Lou, kiss their heads.

Aw...

[mwah mwah]

Good call
on the hats.

Come on, guys. I got
something to show you.

Uh!

Oh, wow!

There's your counter.

Well, I can't believe
they stole our lobby.

But the joke's on them.
They forgot the ceiling.

London, honey, they didn't
steal the lobby.

They built one
just like it.

Really? Then I'm going to
check out the rooftop pool!

London, that elevator
is not--

Mom, let it go.
Let it go.

She'll catch on
eventually.

I hope.

What's wrong
with this thing?

Honey, that elevator
is never showing up.

It's broken?

Yeah. That's it.

Ok...

Now...

For the fun part--and lou
is tingling over this...

I am!

I want you to meet
the actors

We've hired
to play you.

Oh! Where?

Hey.

Oh, my goodness!

I love your hair!

I love your hair!

Oh, I am just so excited
to be playing

Just a smart, attractive,
focused person.

Thank you
for being you.

Be my best friend!

Ok!

Aah!
Aah!

Totally.
And I'm mondo excited!

Um, if you don't
mind my asking,

How old are you?

. But don't freak.
I've played old before.

That's nice.

Uh...It's a pleasure
to meet you.

Yo, b, what's up, man?
Peep this crib. It's tight, huh?

Well, this man

Cannot possibly
play me!

It's
an abomination!

This man cannot
possibly play me.

It's an abomination.

You'll do.

Ooh, writer man,
who's going to play me?

London...
Meet madrid.

Why is my actress
a boy?

Well, you see,
the network wanted

A little romance
between the owner's kid

And the candy-counter girl.

But I would never
date maddie.

She's not my type.
She's poor.

Yeah, and who did
her hair--an eggbeater?

Oh! You are me!
Yay us!

Almost.
You'll get it.

And now here's
the best part. Boys!

Ha ha!
Hey, hey, hey.

So...Aren't you
the cutest little thing?

Looks like somebody left me
in the dryer too long.

For the record,
I've done commercials,

I own a beach house,
and I've kissed lindsay lohan.

I approve. Ha ha.

It's a pleasure
to meet you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look, I'm only doing this

Because my movie deal
fell through,

And I plan to lose
the goofy vest in season .

Huh. I hate me.

Man: Hey, bud.

Hey, look who it is!
It's our director!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The network executives are here.

Oh. Hey,
everybody,
act calm!

Don't look them
in the eye.

Yeah, yeah.
Whatever, whatever.

Ok. Ok, everybody.
Let's do some comedy.

Comedy coming
right away.

Places. Places.

[excited conversation]

Here we go. Hey.

[excited conversation]

London: This is
so much fun.

I hope their outfits
are cute.

And you guys!

Quiet!

Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.

All right.

And...Action.

[elevator dings]

Jeepers. The circus
is leaving,

And we still haven't
found mr. Chips.

Ha ha ha!

You had to teach him
how to use a screwdriver.

Ha ha ha!
Ho! Ha ha ha!

Hey, sweet thing.

It's supposed to be
"sweet thang."

I'll take a licorice whip
and your phone number.

Ok. It's - .

Wait. What comes
after the ?

Ok, ok, cut.

Cut, cut, cut.

Bud: What cut?
What are you cutting?

What?

All right, look.
The network hates the boys.

And they think
they're too young.

Well, you tell
the network

We stand behind
our actors %.

They said either
get older boys,

Or they'll shut down
the show.

Boys, you're fired.

Fine. You'll
be hearing from
our lawyers.

Hey...You want to
ride the luggage cart?

You bet. Moseby
can't stop us here.

Where are we going
to find older twins

Who are cute,
charming, and funny?

Coming through.

Guys!

Lou, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

That I overpaid for
my hair transplants?

Look out!
Oh!

Oh! How about
these twins?

Lou, you're a genius!

Oh, it didn't break.

Plastic! Ha ha ha!Y
in holly

Boys, listen...

What would you think
about leaving boston

And coming out here

And being the stars
of this tv show?

Yes!
Yes!
Yes!

Oh, thank you!
Thank you! Thank you!

My prayers have lofted
through the clouds

And fallen
on merciful ears.

Hey, I think we got
our new twins.

Dibs on zack.

Oh, you're
always zack.

So, we got a deal?

No. Wait a minute.

This is a big decision.
We need to think about it.

I'm done thinking.
Me, too.

Deal! I love these guys!
Cody, kiss their heads.

Captioning made possible by
abc cable networks group

Captioning performed by
the national captioning
institute, inc.

Captioning made possible by
abc cable networks group

[knocking on door]

I'll get it.

Thank you.

You had your
socks dry cleaned?

And pressed.

Ah, still warm.

Guys, I'm not liking
what I'm seeing here.

Me neither.

This crease
is crooked!

No!

I am not convinced

That being in this tv show
and moving to hollywood

Is the best thing for you.

Where's the bad?

We're gonna be
my favorite things--

Rich and famous.

Yeah, but if you wind up
on a television show
in hollywood,

You won't see any
of your friends back home.

Ah, we'll make plenty
of new friends here.

Hey, we've
already started.

The prop man gave us
his picture and resume.

[knocking on door]

Oh, that
must be the limo.

I love being a star.

Ha! They call this
a deluxe hotel!

I asked for
a : a.M.
Wake-up call--

You know what time
they called me?

: !

Oh--
shoddy!

Shoddy, I tell ya!

Oh, now maybe
on the west coast

: means : ,

But on
the east coast,

: means :
on the nose!

Mr. Moseby,

I'm kind of in the middle
of an important talk

With my boys.

[gasps]
I'm sorry.

Boys, whatever
this woman
is saying,

I want you
to listen up!

She knows what
she's talking about.

She wants us
to dump the tv show
and move back to boston.

Oh, have you lost
your mind, woman?!

No, I haven't, man!
Aah!

Sorry.

Look, this would be

A wonderful
opportunity
for me...

Them.

He's right, mom.

I can put all my money
right into my college fund.

And I can spend
my money on girls.

Which includes
my best girl.