01x15 - Rumors

[bunniefuu]

Let me get this straight.
You're applying to go

for a trip to Washington with
a whole bunch of other nerds

to watch a senator
sign papers all day?

And make phone calls!

Ooh! Where do I not
sign up?

Ah-ha!

Just the two
I was looking for.

We didn't do it.

Yeah. What didn't
we do?

Whatever. I'm just
covering all the bases.

No, I have it from
a reliable source

that a little boy
who was about your height

and your hair color
was seen in the game room

tampering with the games
and playing for free.

Well, it wasn't me!

You know, Mr. moseby, you can't
believe every rumor you hear.

Ok, I know it was one
of you two,

and since I don't know
which one,

the game room is off limits
to the both of you!

Hmm. It's good to be
the manager.

This stinks!
Now I can't go in there,

and I've been
saving up my quarters.

You know, Cody, you wouldn't
have to save up your quarters

if you just used mine.

So it was you.

Well, duh!
It wasn't you!

Boy, smart people
are dumb.

Zack, put that back!

I'm Cody.

No, he's not!
I'm Cody.

And I'm sick
and tired of people

always thinking
I'm Zack.

I'm not Zack!
I'm Cody.

C-o-d-y. Co-dy!

Oh. Cody, do you have
that dollar you owe me?

I'm Zack.

Z-a-c-k. Zack.

♪ Here I am in your life ♪

♪ here you are in mine ♪

♪ yes, we have a suite life ♪

♪ most of the time ♪

♪ you and me
got the world to see ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ just me and you
know what to do ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ it's you and me
and me and you ♪

♪ we got the whole place
to ourselves ♪

♪ you and me,
we got it all for free ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ this is the suite life ♪

♪ we've got the suite life ♪

I'm impressed that
you want to learn cpr.

It's a great
feeling to know

you can save
a human life.

Yeah. And charge
$ . more an hour

to baby-sit.

You have a dark side.

I like it.

Well, let's hurry
this up.

I have a date
with Chuck at : .

Chuck the waiter? Oh,
I've seen him down at the pool.

He's got a great
backstroke.

Yeah. That's why
I like him.

So, uh, where's
the training dummy?

You're looking
at him.

I meant the dummy
I'm gonna practice on.

You're looking at him.

Ok, now the first
thing you do

is check and see
if I'm breathing.

Ok.

Nothing.

[Raspy] That's because
I'm holding my breath.

You got me! Now what?

Now tip my head back.

All right, left my chin,

pinch my nose,

and give me
slow breaths.

[Hip-hop song playing]

Yo, yo, yo!
What up, my peeps?

What's all
this nonsense?

Well, I'm just going
with your new look,

fa shizzle.

This is just my way
of making sure

people won't
confuse me with Zack.

That's right. You'll be the one
with your pants around your ankles.

Well, that's
embarrassing.

Mm-hmm.

Esteban, did you hear?

Yes. You're getting an award
from the animal league,

and you told me
to tell everybody.

AND HAVE YOU?
S.

Good! But that's not
what this is about.

I know a secret that's
even more delicious

that you
can't repeat.

Oh, please, miss London,

I cannot keep a secret.
Like Mr. moseby telling me

that he's getting you
a purse for your birthday.

Oh! He is?
Oops!

The black one?
Yes!

Rats!
Great!

Anyway, maddie and Lance
are back together.

I saw them kissing
in the lounge.

Ooh, that is juicy.

I don't dish
anything less.

Mm-mmm!
Mm-mmm!

Remember.
Mum's the word.

Right. Mum. Mum.

Mum, mum, mum, mum,
mum, mum--

what did you say?

Nothing. I said nothing
about maddie and Lance

pledging their love for
each other in the lounge.

Ay, yi!

NO!
S. THEY WERE,

as we say
in my country,

"peeling the grape."

OH! NO!
S!

Please don't
say anything.

About what?

Oh, you're good!

Hey, Zack,
did you hear?

I'm Cody. The one with
the cool gangsta look.

I thought you were
a pirate. Anyway,

maddie and Lance are
pledged to each other.

Pledged? You mean
like engaged?

Sealed it
with a kiss.

No!

S!

And there was something
about grapes.

I think they're
moving to a vineyard,

but if you ask me, the
whole thing is a gamble.

But remember:
Keep it to yourself.

Your secret's safe
with me.

I won't tell anyone.
Except Zack!

I just heard something
that I cannot believe.

It--

someone told me that you
and maddie are betrothed.

We are? Cool!

What's that?

It means you're
getting married.

Really?

My girlfriend's
gonna be ticked.

I guess I better
go rent a tux.

Zack, there you are.
Brace yourself.

Maddie and Lance
were seen kissing,

and I hear they're
getting married

and moving to
Las Vegas to gamble.

She wouldn't!

She implied that she'd
wait for me.

Hey, maddie.

Hey, Chuck. So are we still
on for our movie tonight?

Not after what
I just heard.

What did you hear?

How can you marry Lance? That.

I'm not marrying Lance.
Why would you say that?

Because you were
kissing him!

They were peeling
the grape.

I was not!
There was no peeling!

Maddie, I hear
we're betroth-ed.

Ok, where did this
ridiculous rumor start?

Zack, who told you this?

It was Cody!

It was Muriel!

It was Esteban!

It was London!

Oh, I curse these lips that
cannot keep themselves sealed!

I know. I will
hold them together

to keep from spreading
rumors again.

Where is she?

In her room.
Oh!

[Doorbell rings]

I want to know why you started
that rumor about me and Lance.

What rumor?

That Lance and I
are getting married,

moving to a vineyard
in Vegas,

and becoming
Blackjack dealers?!

Congratulations!

You're gonna be
a Blackjack dealer!

Oh! Mwah! Mwah!

London, I am not going to
be a Blackjack dealer,

and I am not
getting married.

Oh, good.
You're much too young.

Ohh. London, London. Why
did you tell Esteban

that Lance and I
were back together?

Because I saw you
lip-locking in the lounge.

Oh, he was
teaching me cpr.

Is that the same
as peeling the grape?

It's mouth-to-mouth!

So it is the same.

Forget about it.
[Exhales] The problem is

everybody at the hotel is talking
about how we're back together.

Then you should be
thanking me.

Maddie, having people talk
about you is a good thing.

No, it's not.
Mm-hmm.

Gossip hurts. That's
why I wouldn't do it.

How would you feel
if people

were spreading
rumors about you?

Hey, every time
I'm in the paper,

my social life just
gets better and better.

Yeah? Well, my social life
is going down the tubes

Chuck heard your lie
and dumped me!

Oh, honey.

I heard a rumor he was
gonna dump you anyway.

[Gasps]

Hey, Zack, I picked up some
soccer camp brochures for you.

I thought if Cody goes
to Washington for a week

you might like to do
something fun, too.

These are all
spa getaways.

Those are mine.
These are yours.

Hey, mom,
check this out.

The gangsta look
didn't work out,

so I've come up with
something more radical.

Ta-da!
Oh!

Wow.

Now people won't
mistake me for Zack.

Although they might mistake
you for Muriel! Ha ha!

What's so funny? Aah!

Oh, no! The box said it would
be a honey mist auburn!

Well, honey, you missed
auburn big time!

Maddie, did you hear?

The animal league is giving
me an award tonight.

Yes. Esteban told me,
and I don't care.

[Exhales] Are you still mad
about the whole Lance thing?

No one in this hotel
is speaking to me.

Everyone thinks
I'm a man-stealer.

Except for Lance, who wants
to get married in the pool

and insists that I wear
his grandmother's wetsuit.

Oh! So the engagement's
back on?

Oh, that's great!
No, no, London!

Esteban, guess what?
No! Ugh!

So, you know
London tipton.

Unfortunately.
Huh.

She must be
pretty interesting.

Yeah. If you like vain,
self-centered people

who don't care
who they hurt.

Oh. Well, I heard she's
a very giving person.

I understand she's getting an
award from the animal league.

Excuse me
while I laugh. Ha!

She's a hypocrite.

I happen to know she's got
a fox coat in her closet.

Really?
Mm-hmm.

Well, it has been such a
pleasure talking to you.

Heh!

[Beeps]

Frank, I have got an inside
scoop on London tipton

that's gonna make her
the most hated woman

in Boston. Heh heh heh!

Listen to this. "According
to a hotel insider,

"tipton is
a hypocrite.

She has a fox coat
in her closet."

No!

No, no, no, no, no!

Oh! "Animal m*rder*r"?

Oh, no! No, no,
no! No, no!

Hi! Sorry. There's been a
recall on these magazines.

Apparently they burst into
flames spontaneously.

London, over here! Is it
true you t*rture animals?

No! No,
I love animals.

I swatted a fly once,
but I missed.

Then explain this.

Oh, no.
My life is ruined.

Ms. tipton,
one more question!

What in the name of--

oof!

Everybody out!
Out! Out!

Step away
from the hotel!

I can't believe someone
would say this about me.

But you said there's no such
thing as bad publicity,

that it makes
your social life better.

Yeah, when I'm
spreading it.

Not when others
are lying about me

torturing
cute little animals.

All my furs
are fake.

But you said
they were fox.

Yes. F-a-u-x. "Fox."

That's pronounced "fo."

Which might've made
a difference to--

the big mouth
who started this rumor.

Maddie, you are truly
the only friend I have.

Oh, don't say that.

London,
I am so sorry.

I promise
I will do my best

to find the person
who did this to you.

Good. And when
you find him,

I want him thrown in
the tipton dungeon

for the rest
of his life.

We don't have a dungeon,

but I can have him fired.

From a Cannon?
Oh!

Hey, mom.

Oh, hey, Cody.
A letter came for you

from the "week in
Washington" program.

It says you made it past the
first round of qualifications.

Way to go, little
red riding nerd.

At least
when I go away,

it won't
be in handcuffs.

Hey, look at all
of the photographers.

But you can't see them through
these streaky windows.

I know. It's so hard to
find good help these days.

You can say
that again, sister.

I wonder who leaked
the story about London.

I bet it was that
creepy waiter Chuck.

I never liked him.

You liked him till
maddie liked him.

Hey, Esteban!
Come here.

I know who leaked
the gossip about London.

Oh, no! I can't take anymore secrets!
♪ la la la la la ♪

It was that crummy
waiter Chuck.

Oh, Chuck? Really?

The "la la" thing
never really works.

Did you hear about moseby? No.

[Whispering]
No!

S!

Whoa! I feel a candy
craving come on.

Don't you mean
a maddie craving?

Either way,
I'm powerless.

Nice hair, son. What are
you rebelling against?

False labeling
on hair products!

Excuse me.
Ah, yes.

I'm Mr. Johnson with the "week
in Washington" program.

I'm looking
for Cody Martin.

Yes, the man
who wants to take

our Cody to Washington
for a whole week.

You know he has
a brother?

Yes, I do. When I called
I left a message with him.

Well, we'll just ring
his room then, hmm?

Zack, the guy from the "week in
Washington" program is here!

He's here to interview me, and I can't
be me because I don't look like me.

I'm supposed to look like you,
so since you look like me,

you gotta be me!
I can't help you.

Why?!

Because I have no idea
what you just said.

I'm sorry.
There's no answer.

Oh! There
they are.

Ok, your favorite president
is Jimmy Carter.

You're a strong proponent
of the first amendment,

and you want to be a supreme
court justice when you grow up.

If you get stuck,
just look at me.

Ah! Mr. Johnson,

this is Cody.

'S brother Zack.
This is Cody!

Nice to meet you,
Cody.

Yeah, but you are--

so proud
of my brother.

You'd be lucky to have
him in your program.

T-that's right,
I'm Cody,

the smart one.

And I'm Zack,
the dumb one! Ha!

Dopey, dopey, do! Ha!

Don't push it.

Good luck!

TO ALL OF YOU.

[Chuckles]

Cody, how did you first
become interested

in government?

Well, I'm a strong proponent
of the first amendment.

Great. What do you
like about it?

Well...What's not
to like?

I mean, it's the first.
It's number one.

It's number one!

I see. And what president would
you say you've admired the most?

Oh, that's easy.
President Carter.

Why?

Why?

Well, uh...

He, uh, hammers!

Nails things!
Nails things...

He, uh, uh, builds--
builds houses!

Builds houses for... he
builds houses for nuns!

He builds houses
for nuns.

Builds houses
for old people?

Cold people! Builds
houses for cold people.

Uh...Poor people!

Builds houses
for poor people!

Yes. And I believe everyone
should have a place to live

where you can watch tv to see
commercials for stuff to buy

which helps the economy.

What?!

Is there someone
back there?

No. Just that plant.

I love plants.
I'm very pro-plant.

It says here that you want to be
a member of the supreme court.

What's the first thing
you would do if appointed?

I'm thinkin'
casual Fridays.

DITCH THOSE BLACK ROBES
AND WEAR CAPES!

With a big "s" on the chest
for "supreme court."

Ok. Well, I think
that's all I need to know.

We'll be in touch.
Thank you, Cody.

No, thank you, Mr. Johnson.
And by the way,

if ya pick me, there might be a
free tipton bathrobe in it for ya!

'Nuff said.

Maddie!

I can explain!

I hope so.

The animal league
has cancelled my award

and no one returns
my emails,

even when I use a cute
little smiley face.

See, this is what I meant
by rumors hurting people.

Even though in this case

the person may not have even
known they were starting it.

And they're probably really,
really, really sorry.

Not as really, really, really sorry
as they'll be when they get fired.

Moseby said he had a lead.
[Gasps]

Esteban, I know you know
who gossiped about London.

Why do you say that?

Because you were seen

skipping down the hallway
singing,

"I know who it is,
I know who it is, I--"

who is it?
Ha ha. Hello.

I will not rat out
a fellow employee.

Spill it, or I'll have you transferred
to the tipton in Siberia!

It starts with "chuh"
and rhymes with "uck."

Who's ch-duck?

He's saying
it was Chuck.

Chuck! I want him
deported!

Well, you can't have him deported.
He's from new Jersey.

Uh, Chuck, front and
center, please!

Is it true that you
talked to a reporter

about miss tipton's
private life?

No! I didn't talk
to any reporter.

Well, I guess
it's not him.

Too bad. Case closed. Who
wants to go for pizza?!

Chuck, you're fired. You get your
passport and go back to new Jersey!

London, Mr. moseby,

you can't fire Chuck.

He didn't talk
to the reporter. I did.

[All gasp]

Maddie, why would you do such a thing?
I'm surprised at you.

Yeah! I thought
you never gossiped!

Well, I didn't do it
on purpose.

I didn't even know that
woman was a reporter.

Oh, so you just gossip
about me in general?

Only because
you gossiped about me,

and it spread through
the whole hotel!

Well, you gossiped about me, and
it spread all over the world!

But you started it!
Nuh-uh!

Uh-huh!

Oh, don't you uh-huh
my nuh-uh!

I think you are both
at fault here.

And I think we can all
learn something from this.

Even though gossiping
is an irresistible temptation,

on any level,
gossip is hurtful.

The best way
to not spread it

is to not listen to it...

London.

Maddie, I'm sorry
I started all this.

Next time I see you
lip-locking,

I'll COME TO YOU FIRST BEFORE
I START TELLING PEOPLE.

That's all I ask.

And I'm sorry I let my anger
get the better of me.

And I'm sorry about the things I
wrote about you in the staff lounge.

[Gasps]

Great. We have a staff
lounge but no dungeon?

Just what I need-- another
room for you to t*rture me in.

What am I gonna do?

I'm still trapped in the hotel
by those photographers.

Well, if you tell everyone that rumor
about me and Lance was untrue,

then I'll come up with a
plan to convince people

you're sweet, kind,
and caring to all animals.

How are we
gonna do that?

We'll fake something.

Ok, pooparazzi people,

you are to tell no one that
I let you come in here.

I am doing this out of the
goodness of my heart.

There she is.

Help me, please!
My chinchilla has fainted!

Help, I think he's dying!

Don't worry, little boy--

whom I have never
met before--

I will save your
beloved chinchilla!

You have to give it
mouth-to-mouth!

I do? You didn't say
anything about that!

I'm saying it now.

Give the chinchilla
the kiss of life!

All: OH!

[Inhales]

All: AW!

He's breathing!

Yay!
Yay!

You saved him,
kind lady,

who I have never met before.
Thank you!

[Cough, cough]

Fur ball.

All: EEW!

[Telephone rings]

Hello?

Yes, he is.

Cody, it's Mr. Johnson from the
"week in Washington" program.

I don't wanna
talk to him...

EVER SINCE I MESSED UP
MY INTERVIEW.

YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT
YOU DID REALLY WELL.

YOU WOULD!

Well, somebody
better take the call!

This is Cody.

I HAVE?

You did?

I am?!

Thank you! Bye!

I'm in!

I am so proud
of you!

Mr. Johnson
said they want me

because of my great
sense of humor

and refreshing
personality!

SO I GUESS YOU DIDN'T DO
SUCH A BAD JOB AFTER ALL.

You're right.

I did a great job.

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay!