01x23 - Pilot Your Own Life

[bunniefuu]

Ok. What are you gonna do for
your school community service?

I thought
I'd see a movie.

Then I'll tell
poor people about it.

Zack!

This is a chance for us
to really help people.

I'm thinking about
working with kids.

I hate kids.

Hey, you better
take this seriously,

or you're gonna fail
while I get an "a."

You're one
of the kids I hate.

I know!

We should feed
the hungry!

Good idea.

Let's start with me.

Man: ...And with
this method,

I have helped millions
of people worldwide!

If you can conceive,
you can believe...

This guy just talks
and talks and--

it's a lecture.

This is amazing.

Is it ever.

I just ate pounds
of mini quiches,

and I haven't
thrown up yet.

Uh-oh.

I'm ok. It passed.

♪ Here I am in your life ♪

♪ here you are in mine ♪

♪ yes, we have a suite life ♪

♪ most of the time ♪

♪ you and me
got the world to see ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ just me and you
know what to do ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ it's you and me
and me and you ♪

♪ we got the whole place
to ourselves ♪

♪ you and me,
we got it all for free ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ this is the suite life ♪

♪ we've got a suite life ♪

That's it, darling.
Love that!

All right, now,
give us a snobby look.

Well, I have about
different ones.

Which one would you like?

One that says,

"only I can afford
these clothes."

Ooh! Number .
One of my favorites.

She gives me that look
times a day.

I get that look
from her dog.

And that is a wrap.

Well, technically,
it's a really sparkly scarf.

[Both laugh]

I love fashion humor.

So, when will I know

if I'm teen trend's
trendy teen of the year?

Well, we're going
to be reviewing

all the finalists
next week

and make our decisions
on the cover then.

When you break
the bad news to the others,

can I watch?

[Both laugh]

Oh, candy-counter girl,

why is teen trend not
displayed in the front?

Because most teenagers
can't afford

to stay at a -star hotel.

They also can't afford to buy
the clothes in your magazine.

Well, it is very hard
to make cheap look nice.

Although you seem to be doing
a rather good job of it.

What do you call
that look?

My uniform...

With a personal touch
of maddie.

Actually,
it's my dad's tie,

so it's a personal touch
of Irving.

Catchy,
but a little long.

I'd call it
blue-collar chic.

That was my second choice.

You know, we had narrowed
down the finalists,

but you have
a certain something.

Maybe we'll consider you
for the cover.

Really? Me?

Get a sh*t of
candy-counter girl here.

Uh, I'm not
the model type.

I mean,
I couldn't possibly--

say "teen trend's
trendy teen of the year."

Teen treen tren--uh,
can I just smile?

Ok.

If you can conceive,

you can believe,

and then you

can achieve!

I can achieve.

And I still
might heave.

Remember, live your dream

and aim for the sky,

because you are the pilot
of your own life.

Wow! This guy has really
opened my eyes.

And apparently
closed yours.

Ah, I see your brother
has left no leftovers

for my pet chicken
Dudley,

who, by the way,
loves mini quiches.

Esteban, what was
your biggest dream

when you came
to this country?

Oh, I was hoping to be a
millionaire baseball player,

but I cannot throw,
catch, or spit tobacco.

So this job is nice,
too.

So you wanna be a bellhop
your whole life?

Oh, well, no. Some day
I want to manage the hotel,

but that
is very far off.

Is it?

Think about it.

If you can conceive,

you can believe,

and you will achieve.

I will?

Could I do it
by this weekend?

'Cause I can use
the cash.

It's possible

only if you take
the first step.

Are you willing
to take the first step?

Yes!

What is the first step?

Only you know,

because you are the pilot
of your own life.

Oh, this
is a great country.

I walked into
this room a bellhop.

I am walking out
a pilot and a manager.

Oh, Dudley's
gonna be so proud!

Young man, I have
never seen anybody

grasp my course
so quickly.

Gee, thanks.
I'm a quick grasper.

You know, you have the makings
of a great life coach.

I'll bet being
a life coach would count

as my school
community service.

Why limit yourself
to school?

You could help
the global community.

Talk about extra credit!

Is that boring jerk
done yet?

Oh, hey!

Love the lecture.

Quiche?

Thanks.

Hey, guys.
Whatcha been doin'?

Inspiring people to reach
their full potential

and achieve their dreams.

It's never just
playing ball with you.

So, guess what?

I actually cooked--
for hours.

None for me.
I'm stuffed.

Mom, do you ever find
yourself feeling discouraged,

unfulfilled,
unappreciated?

Not if you eat
my casserole.

Not gonna happen.

My point is,

people spend
their lives too afraid

to reach
for the mountaintop.

Amen.

They let life slip by,
day after dreary day.

Losers.

People like you.

Come again?

You used to talk about
making your own demo cd

of songs you wrote.

I know.
That was years ago.

That's right, and you haven't
got many years left.

Remember, mom,

you are the pilot
of your own life.

Carey,
can I talk to you?

I've got a problem.

Sure, honey. Sit down.

You know I'm always
here for you.

And apparently
so is Cody.

Ok. London is up

for the cover
of teen trend magazine,

but they've asked me
to compete against her.

How mad do you think
she'll be?

You remember the hairdresser
that gave her the bad perm?

All they found was his comb.

[Gasps]
That's right,

and his blow-dryer
was still running.

I better drop out!

Maddie...

Don't let fear
in your cockpit.

Don't let what
in your where?

You can't let London pilot
your own life for you.

She doesn't know
where you're going.

Maddie...

Where are you going?

To work on my new look.

I'm going to be teen trend's
trendy teen of the year!

Thanks, Cody.

Glad I could help!

London: Maddie!

Maddie!

Do I have worry lines?

Huh? Teen trend
hasn't called me yet.

I can't eat,
I can't sleep,

I can't think!

Don't go there.

London, there's something
I need to tell you.

Not now!

I mean, they just
have to pick me.

Well, technically,
they don't have to.

It is, after all,
a contest,

which implies competitors.

Daddy always says,
"competition is a good thing."

It's a chance
to crush people.

So, what did you
want to tell me?

It's degrees outside
and partly cloudy.

Darlings,
wonderful news!

We've gone over all the
pictures and decided.

You two are
the finalists

for this year's
trendy teen.

We are?

You are!

We've decided to sh**t both
of you here next week,

and whoever comes up
with the best look

wins the contest
and gets the cover!

Isn't it exciting?

Air kiss.
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah!

Ta, darlings.

I'm sorry. Did she just
say you were a finalist

for the cover of
teen trend against me,

who is simply the living embodiment
of both "teen" and "trend"?

Well, she thought my look
was cute and affordable.

Maddie, how could
you do this?

I thought
you were my friend.

You know how much
this cover means to me.

Ok, fine.

If you want me to give up
this great opportunity

so you can get
what you want, as always,

then I'll drop out.

That's sweet.
Drop out.

[Gasps]
I will not drop out!

How dare you ask me
to drop out!

You offered! I offered because I
thought you'd be big enough to say no!

Well, that
was your mistake.

Well, your mistake
was taking on

Madeline Margaret Genevieve
meraida Catherine Fitzpatrick!

Fine! Stay in!

I'll b*at all of you.

Oh, yeah? Well,
you're goin' down!

Well, you're
going downer!

I'll crush you so bad

you won't have a penny
to your name,

and you'll have to
work like a dog

for the rest
of your life!

Ha! I'm already there!

Hey, maddie.
Looking good...

Except for
those crummy clothes.

This is the first step
in piloting my own life.

Oh, no! Cody
got to you, too!

He's like a virus!

Housekeeping.
Gotta clean.

Since when?

All right,
you busted me.

Truth is, London paid me
bucks to spy on blondie here.

[Gasps] That is so low!

For , I won't
tell her I told you.

But I only have $ . on me.

Close enough.

This goes
in my poker fund.

Ante up, boys. I'm
comin' to clean ya out.

That'll be the first time
she cleaned anything.

That London. I mean,
she has no scruples,

no principles, no morals!

Want me to go spy on her?
Yes!

And take lots of pictures.
Here's my camera phone.

What if she catches me?

I'll miss you.

If they want
blue-collar chic,

I'll give them
blue-collar chic!

Aah!

Stop moving!

Stop sticking me!

Take it like a man!

Now raise your hem.

How much longer
do you need me?

I can't be late
for school.

You see, I have taken Cody's
advice to pilot my own life

by enrolling in a night
class to improve my English

and loose my accent.

Loose? I have not
started class yet, ok?

[Knock on door]
Come in!

Hey, nice dress.

Thanks!
Thanks.

Hey, is Cody in here?

No, and I'm creating
my look, so leave.

All right, but I need
to call Cody.

Let's see if I can
get a signal in here.

Uh, one bar...

Uh, bars...

One bar...

Hey, Esteban, can you
turn this way, please?

Thanks.

Wait a minute.

Is this maddie's
new camera phone?

There's a camera
in this?

Cool!

You're spying on me.

[Gasps] I feel
so violated.

Why would you
do this to me?

Haven't I always
been nice to you?

No.

And I love maddie.

Well, if you
really love her,

you'll make sure
she loses this contest.

Why?

Because if she wins,
she'll become successful

and move to New York,
Paris, and Milan,

and you'll never
see her again.

No! I can never
let that happen!

That's what I said before she
made me put on this dress.

Where is Zack?

I sent him to spy on
London over an hour ago.

You're using my son
as a spy?

Oh, like you're using him
for anything better.

Maddie, I really think you're
getting a little carried away

with this whole
competition.

No, I'm not.

What took you so long?!

Ok, I was wrong.

London caught me
and erased the pictures.

Oh, no.

But it doesn't matter,
because the fashion lady

said she liked
London best,

so you might
as well quit.

But I worked
so hard.

I really thought
I had a sh*t.

I'm such a loser.

I can't do this to you.

I just can't.

I cannot tell a lie.

Since when? You lie
to me all the time.

But I can't lie
to maddie.

I love her!

Zack, why would
you lie to me?

Because if you win
this contest,

you'll become successful,

move to New York,
Paris, or Milan,

and I'll never
see you again.

Aw, Zack.
I'm not going anywhere.

And if I did,
I'd take you with me.

Really?

Really?
[Mouthing]

Ah, Esteban,
there you are.

I'm gonna need you
to work late tonight.

Oh, no, I can't,
Mr. moseby.

I am piloting
my own life

by taking a night school
class times a week.

I am going to
loose my accent.

Loose?

I better make that
times a week.

Mr. moseby, I'm gonna
need the weekend off.

Oh, let me guess. You're gonna
pilot your own life, hmm?

Yes! I need to work
on my demo cd.

Thank you
for understanding.

Mmm. Fine. Go, go, go!
It's no problem.

I'll just clean
all the rooms

and carry the luggage

and sing in a slinky
cocktail dress.

I'm kidding!

It's a very tasteful
cocktail dress.

Ohh!

I can't believe I stayed up days
and nights finishing this outfit.

I hope the teen trend lady
likes it.

I'm sure
you'll do fine.

"I'm sure you'll do fine."
What do you know?

See? This is why sleep
is a good thing.

Do you really
like my outfit?

You really think
I'm gonna win?

Remember, London,

if you can conceive,
you can believe,

and you will--
I hate that expression!

[Gasps]
[Gasps]

Hey, you stole my look!

Stole? I made
your lousy look better.

If it's so lousy,
why'd you steal it?

Because if they
liked it on you,

they'll love it on me.

Besides, there are a lot of
differences between our outfits,

like the fact yours
is made out of cheap fabric.

[Gasps]

See? Must be
fake cotton,

not the real stuff
they get from goats.

Well, the only thing
that's fake is you!

[Gasps]
[Gasps]

Oh, no, you didn't.

Oh, yes, I di-id.

Give me that!

No!

It's mine!

I don't care!

It's my hair!
I paid for it!

Ok, fine.
[Gasps] Ohh!

Fashion tip?

No one wears heels
like this anymore.

And no one's worn
cuffs like these

since the French
revolution!

[Gasps]

Waaah-eee-ahh...

Oh, wait,
I don't know kung fu.

Oh, but I love
your shoes.

Oh, really?
Nope!

Ohh!

Ow, ow, ow, ow!

Ow, ow, ow, ow...

This is terrible.
We have to stop them!

Not yet.

[Gasps]

Oh, I can't see!

Aah!
Aah!

You're right, Zack.

This would be much
better with pudding.

Aah!

Let go, let go, let go!
Let go, let go, let go!

I'm not letting go
till you let go.

Fine. On the count of .

That comes after .

... ... ...

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Aah!
Aah!

Ladies, the fight
is over!

[Ding]

Now, go to your
neutral elevators!

Ohh!

[Clothes ripping]

Mr. moseby: Not the tie!

Not the shirt!
Not the nameplate!

[Panting]

Aah!

[Panting]

Aah!

Oh, my! My jacket!

[Panting]

Excuse me, have you seen
maddie and London?

Hi!
Hello!

Interesting look.

So, whose do you
like better?

Not sure.

We'll get back to you.

She meant me.

Oh, no, she didn't.
Oh, yes, she di-id.

Gah! It does-uh-n't
ma-a-tter!

Now, what has gotten
into you two?

It's all her fault!

She has everything
in the world,

and she still had
to steal from me.

I'm just taking back
what's rightfully mine.

My look is the only
thing I've got.

You've got
a gajillion dollars!

That's my dad's.

Fashion is the
only thing that's mine,

and you took that
from me.

Oh, London...

Hey, maddie, we can t--

Mr. moseby,
don't be mad at them.

They were just
following my advice

and trying to pilot
their own lives.

You...

You are
the flight instructor

who has been causing
my employees

to shirk
their responsibilities.

Their responsibilities
are to themselves.

I've been helping them
fulfill their dreams.

[Southern accent]
There y'all are.

Cody, I got a bone
to pick with you.

Esteban?

Why are you
talking like that?

'Cause my new instructor
jeb is from Texas.

Now if I wanna pilot
my own life,

I gotta do it
at a rodeo. Yee-haw!

Thank y'all.

Ok, so I've made
a couple of mistakes.

That doesn't mean my life
coaching doesn't work.

Mom, please tell me everything
went ok with your demo cd.

Oh, yeah.

The guy at the record company
said I was really talented

and have a future
as a cabaret singer.

He suggested
I check out the tipton.

Apparently, I just
spent $ to find out

I'm exactly where
I'm supposed to be!

Well, you may be the first
motivational speaker

to lose his allowance.

Oh, well.

At least I know I'll get a better
community service grade than Zack.

I wouldn't be so sure
about that.

Mr. moseby let me take all the
buffet leftovers to the mission.

The mayor was there,
and he's giving me an award

for helping the homeless.

You?!

An award?

You can't even
spell "award"!

Don't have to.

It'll be on the plaque.

Who's getting an "a" in
community service now, huh?

I hate that kid.

[Sighs]

Look how pretty I am
in that outfit.

[Knock on door]

Ow, ow, ow.

If you came up here to tear
up the rest of my clothes,

good luck
it'll take you weeks,

and that's just
my tennis outfits.

Actually, I came up here
to apologize.

I didn't realize how important
being on this cover was to you.

Yeah, you did.

Ok, I did.

But since you have
everything,

I just kind of figured it
wouldn't matter that much to you.

Well, you were wrong,
with a capital "r."

I know,

and I'm sorry.

Thanks.

[Sighs] I'm sorry I stole
your blue-collar cheap look.

You mean chic.
No.

Well, I've always thought
you had style.

Aww!

To make this apology
thing end,

do I have to lie and say
you have style, too?

Yes. I think you
have style, too.

Thank you for lying.

Ow, ow, ow!
Ow, ow, ow!

Other side.

Ow, ow, ow!
Ow, ow, ow!

Much worse.

Air hug?

[Laughs]
Can you believe this?

"The latest fashion
among teen girls

is being called
urban decay."

Ok, I've seen some
ridiculous fashions before,

but teen trend's gone
too far this time.

Like anyone would be stupid
enough to wear ripped clothing.

What do you
think, ladies?

Hot stuff, huh?

Chhhh!

[Both laughing]

Chhhh!